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griffypoo
4 minutes ago
» Well, at least they don't...  -  neu
 

Doppelganger.  02/06/2010 « prev 1st rand curr next »




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ishuta » neu 2 days ago
Wow!
gormster » neu 2 days ago
Philippe is so adorable sometimes.

Scratch that, Philippe is so adorable all the time.
invidious » neu 2 days ago
With the glasses on, Philippe bears an uncanny (i.e., worrisome) resemblance to Paul Shaffer.

greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
worrisome, indeed.
ratacat » neu 2 hours ago

http://www.cwgp.org/gurewitch_and_onstad.php

appears to be in Rochester New York
Nick Gurewitch and Chris Onstad Wednesday, February 10, 2010

samhayler » neu 2 days ago
Oh my goodness, the raised eyebrow in panel two. Sometimes, the machinations of Ray confuse even the five-year-old otter.
raptorattack » neu 11 hours ago
Philippe isn't confused. He just knows that if Ray is asking him to do something it must be super important. That is Philippe's concentrating face.
shinkusan » neu 1 day ago
He is just the cutest little Ray.
m3tanoia » neu 1 day ago
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
yes. yes those were both in the strip. thank you for isolating them.
falseprophet » pro 14 hours ago
If you look at it the right way it looks like one half of the cover of The Beatles "Let It Be"
higuma » neu 2 days ago
what is the sack of onions for
oldhusky » neu 2 days ago
it is for winning
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
I can dig the onions.
shelbydavis » neu 2 days ago
I can dig your avicon (assuming it's from Metropolis?)
stereo » neu 1 day ago
Even in the 20s, they knew that robot chicks would be freaky hot.
shelbydavis » neu 1 day ago
In science fiction, is perhaps most basic concept.
zapatos » neu 1 day ago
Thank you NetFlix
greenkoolayd » neu 21 hours ago
word to your mnom. thats going in my qway.
greenkoolayd » neu 21 hours ago
**mom
soup_alex » neu 12 hours ago
om mnom mnom
gunsofray » neu 7 hours ago
om mnom mnom mnom on my mom, Tom!
gunsofray » neu 7 hours ago
Or Alex.
soup_alex » neu 1 hour ago
om mnom... Mnomquah?
usversusthem » neu 2 days ago
Good. Once you've dug them up, let me know and I'll send you a tape of something to play them.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
They are there to listen Tony Robins. Unfortunately, Ray forgot that onions can only extract information from the spoken word while their roots rest in the dark earth. Those onions aren't listening. They are screaming.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Like in Harry Potter!
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
Harry Potter and the Onions Which Wouldn't Listen.
mockereo » neu 2 days ago
it is after the seventh book when he finishes his training to be an Auror but then since voldemort is gone there is no need for him.

He is now a prep cook.
invidious » neu 2 days ago
Severous Snape has been replaced by Gordon Ramsey.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Gandalf died but came back as Dumbledore's hand.
gormster » neu 2 days ago
And after Hitler died, everybody lived in peace for the rest of time!
dusty » pro 1 day ago
we don't seriously debate things here, and we're certainly not starting with a serious debate about the sociopolitical climate in the Harry Potter world. Mockereo's statement stands as a basis for absurdity. Continue.
granularsilica » neu 1 day ago
[quote]And after Hitler died, everybody lived in peace for the rest of time![/i]
At least in Europe, so far.
hatstand_mcq » neu 1 day ago
The Bosniaks might beg to differ.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
Well Canada's doing alright, yeah?
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
nobody really realizes but we're at war in Afghanistan.
greenkoolayd » neu 19 hours ago
speak for yourself.
wazza » neu 18 hours ago
We've always been at war with (a small country in) Eastasia.
gunsofray » neu 7 hours ago
Next target: that place where people look and talk different.

Canada.
nice-on-water » neu 6 hours ago
In my opinion America and Canada are, for all intents and purposes and disregarding obvious cultural differences, very very similar with more similarities than differences. This is from having met a few Canadians from various places (BC, Nova Scotia, Toronto, Ottawa, among some other places). Canadians can yell at me starting now.
granularsilica » neu 2 hours ago
Mon dieu! You forget about the French-speaking Quebec! Very obvious cultural difference there.
fineoakstructure » neu 2 hours ago
Ottawa is basically part of Quebec.
nice-on-water » neu 2 hours ago
Is it though? They wear Blue-Jeans and listen to Rock And Rolls.
nice-on-water » neu 12 hours ago
Ugh, Afghanistan ruins everything.
greenkoolayd » neu 9 hours ago
fuck YOU, afghamistam.
granularsilica » neu 3 hours ago
Quote:
The Bosniaks might beg to differ.


Ah yes, the Balkans. Have they ever been still? Sorry to have slighted the Southern Slavs, I was more thinking of France, Germany and Russia.
missbee » neu 1 day ago
I have no mouth and I must scream.
wazza » neu 1 day ago
Introducing the new iScream!
scorpio_nadir » neu 1 day ago
How many flavors?
shelbydavis » neu 1 day ago
None. Mr. Ellison has sued and the product has been recalled.
deusoma » neu 1 day ago
The End. No Moral.
scorpio_nadir » neu 23 hours ago
You know he's a lititgious little fuck ( another true anecdote).
Years ago on usenet people were posting scanned ebooks of his stories and the guy heard about it; was all kinds of red-assed ready to sue them for loss of income- all 3 paying readers.
Had his barrister in on it, whole 9 yards.

Now you can say
The End No Moral, Dr. House
daedala_x » neu 11 hours ago
he also sued CBS for the revision and misinterpretation of his script for the Star Trek episode "The City on the Edge of Forever" which was in the original series but he didn't sue until like 2009.

Harlan Ellison is a man who keeps a list of people and things he dislikes. that list is then subdivided into "angry but will not sue", "might sue", "sue immediately" and "bag of goddamn onions".
deus » neu 11 hours ago
You forgot the "intelligence of an artichoke" category.
daedala_x » neu 10 hours ago
scorpio_nadir » neu 9 hours ago
snort!
made me laugh. would chub again.

Quote:
Ellison attended Ohio State University for 18 months (1951-53) before being expelled. He has said that the expulsion was a result of his hitting a professor who had denigrated his writing ability, and that over the next forty-odd years he had sent that professor a copy of every story he published.[3]


Moving to Chicago, Ellison wrote for William Hamling's Rogue magazine. As a book editor at Hamling's Regency Books, he published novels and anthologies by such writers as B. Traven, Kurt Vonnegut, Robert Bloch and Philip José Farmer and Harlan Ellison..

[...]
In 1976, Ellison married his fourth wife, Lori Horowitz. They later divorced.
greenkoolayd » neu 9 hours ago
he sounds like a dude that ladies would not want to spend much time with.
shelbydavis » neu 5 hours ago
He gets with women but in the end they do not like him!
deus » neu 18 hours ago
HAHAHA! Oh god that guy is a douche!
I like his books though....so its kinda like Hamsun....sorta...
deus » neu 13 hours ago
NO! I'm not comparing Harlan Ellisons writing with Hamsun's.

I like his sci-fi but come on!

Who won the nobel peace prize.....then sent it to Hitler....

You see where the Harlan Ellison comparison comes in?!
wazza » neu 13 hours ago
the prize for literature, not the peace prize. And he mailed it to Goebbels, not Hitler.
wazza » neu 13 hours ago
I had never heard of him before wikipedia
deus » neu 12 hours ago
sorry...i suck...TIRED TIRED! Im sorry im TIRED!
deus » neu 13 hours ago
Thing is Harlan is a sci-fi Pat....but still he still have some Fuck you Friday dickiness moments...

Fuck it he's my hero.
invidious » neu 8 hours ago
Much like a volcano, he's wildly entertaining to watch from a safe distance. Besides, if there's one thing history has proven it's that severe personality defects are in no way an impediment to being a great writer.

Ellison survives on his sci-fi rep, but much of his non-sci-fi stuff is brilliant, also. "Neither your Jenny Nor Mine" very well might be the greatest short story of all time.
mr-siegal » neu 1 hour ago
What about 'My Jenny is Your Jenny'?
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
Doublechubbied.

By Calvin Klein.
vermy » neu 1 day ago
Later counterfeited as:
Chobbyduce
by Young Men in China.
deus » neu 2 days ago
The question is; what does the onions want in life!?
scorpio_nadir » neu 2 days ago
They...want to be potatoes?
deus » neu 2 days ago
THEN THEN NEED TO COPY THE POTATOES!!!!
i_love_kate » neu 2 days ago
Not to have their nuts shot off with a sawn-off shotgun?
greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
we all(who have nuts in the first place) want that.
evilsteve » neu 2 days ago
First Ray has the onions, then he gives Philippe the onions so as to transfer possession of the onions. In this case no one named Lester has the onions.
tekende » neu 2 days ago
That was a stretch even Stretch Armstrong would have difficulty making.
allenphreak » neu 1 day ago
Ah man, and his arms stretch out to next week!
scorpio_nadir » neu 2 days ago
Philippe has a wicked sack of onions
fermatprime » neu 17 hours ago
They're there to tie to your belt, which was the style in my day!
jaypage » neu 4 hours ago
i'd assume they've got the glasses and necklace in them.
onegoodmonkey » neu 2 days ago
Those onions are gonna be really good though
puguglypress » neu 2 days ago
Phillippe looks like a Christian rapper... from the future.
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
I pity the fool who dares to cross a Christian rapper.
lordparadise » neu 2 days ago
Depending on your interpretation of the Bible, that cross might have exactly the same effect as the Medallion of King Chochacho. Then again, it might also have something closer to a Volvo of Despair effect.
jeffspaulding » neu 9 hours ago
nice-on-water » neu 1 hour ago
Looks alright.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Just commenting on your avicon--it's amazing, number one, but number two, is that the woman from Metropolis after she's been replaced with the skank-bot? She looks pri-tay devilish there.
ethelthefrog » neu 1 day ago
Skank-bots!
zapatos » neu 1 day ago
Yes please, I'll take two!
hedonismbot » neu 1 day ago
They are not as neat as one would think. Lubrication is a huge issue
wazza » neu 1 day ago
you mean you don't engage in all your sexual activities in a giant vat of motor oil?
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
realistically, no.
greenkoolayd » neu 19 hours ago
melted butter.
daedala_x » neu 11 hours ago
not in Heavy Metal 2000 it's not.
hedonismbot » neu 2 hours ago
You damn kids and your remakes of friggin classics! The original was one of the greatest things ever. To say nothing of the comics (an early source of pornography for a growing bot). Also, at least half of the bands on the 200 version's album are terrible, and I have no idea how they got Bauhaus on there. Damn kids.
gormster » neu 2 days ago
puguglypress you are the first person to come off my ignore list ever.
puguglypress » neu 2 days ago
yeah im pretty cool
rowboat » pro 4 hours ago
So you read through your ignored comments? Weird.
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
HERE COMES A SPECIAL ENTREPRENEUR!
deus » neu 2 days ago
Right, okay.
salvar » pro 2 days ago
Props for the Orgone reference. Now sneak in some Radium Water and we've got a deal.
onegoodmonkey » neu 2 days ago
Onions are best if you pee on the plant while it's growing AND talk to it
smallblackdog » neu 2 days ago
but.. what is the correct etiquette for such conversations? Cornelius would know.
i_love_kate » neu 2 days ago
So, would you like a drink? I should have offered you something to drink.
magreaux_dogg » neu 2 days ago
I wonder if my mom knows.
freewilliam » neu 2 days ago
"Are you a dirty little onion?"
hedonismbot » neu 2 days ago
My onions' favorite music is scat.
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
[[giggle]] thats a musical style named after poop......
smallblackdog » neu 14 hours ago
Hedonismbot is clearly a man who knows his onions
smallblackdog » neu 1 day ago
It's even better if you don't urinate on your shoes while talking to the plant - avoid expectorations.
dougthehead » pro 2 days ago
Philippe's idea of a successful greeting is to offer money in a voice filled with music and love. Which isn't a bad idea, actually.
quinlaenar » pro 2 days ago
I thought that Philippe was saying he wanted to get money, like if Ray hadn't interrupted, the next line would have been "It's ME!" But that's awesome, too.
srikamaraja » neu 2 days ago
Do I smell a check for six dollars on its way?
hedonismbot » neu 2 days ago
What? No. That's the sack of onions you smell.
expellens » neu 2 days ago
I'm waiting for the camera to pull back and reveal Phillipes' tite new thong. You know he's rocking the Speedo right about now.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
AAAAAAAAH
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
Is that "AAAAAAAAAH I'M SCARED AND CONFUSED," "AAAAAAAAAAH I'M LOUD AND YOU'RE ADORABLE,"
or "AAAAAAAAAAAH THIS WAS SOOOO REFRESHING"?
(by the way, on a personal note, I've been out. Glad to see you nice-on-water. I plan on chubbying witty things you say. It's been a long time, ol' pun pal)
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
:D

I look forward to punny chubs.

But yeah, that was a AAAAAH I'M SCARED AND CONFUSED kind of, because young folks don't need genitalia enhancing or at least prominencing clothing for some time. This is something I have a real issue with. Ten year olds' boxers or training bra straps showing...no. This is not a good thing ever.
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
In troth, I hate even more than 10-year-old-bra is the section in Wal*mart where there are many bras that, were in not for their prodigious size, would be children's clothing (little cute flowers, smiley faces &c)
I look, and I think "Are these bras for large women who never grew up, or has the nation's tween become a gluttonous mass of DD flowerpower?"
pmbarrett » neu 2 days ago
maybe you guys should get a room.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Hello vomit my old friend
shelbydavis » neu 1 day ago
I've found the lingerie again
Because a vision somewhat shocking
Left its seeds while I was shopping
And the vision
Of the children in my brain
Still remains
Of training bras... and DD sizes.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
In restless anxiety I shop aloooone...etc
goddamnstain » neu 2 days ago
I'm really glad Chris Onstad put this comic up.
lordparadise » neu 2 days ago
At this point I don't think anyone will complain about the storyarcishness of this. Assuming this will make a full transition into a comic about Philippe trying to be Ray, this is just the sort of old-school simple premise that made the original story arcs so wonderful. Compare: Beef, Metrosexual; Anarchist's Cookbook.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Well now that you've said it, of course it's been thoroughly jinxed. Hopefully not. I hope this one is handled with care like the precious cargo a Philippe arc should be.
wic » neu 2 days ago
In Finland we have this special place for people who don't want to go to the otherwise mandatory army service for able men, where they remain a month and then start a year lasting slavery for the country. (Which is actually only 11 months these days, yay progress.)

In any case, while I was there, I had the pleasure for me to meet an actual Orgone salesman. Instead of spending time in Orgone box he carried these iron pipes, "cloudbusters" in his backpack. The sticking iron pipes made him to look like a spaceman or at least a scary lunatic with a strange view on the world (he of course made a speech on how William Reich was nothing but a misunderstood genius and how dirt in a pipe can make cure everything and make rain), so I was too afraid to ask if he was planning on selling to cloudbusters or if they were there to cure the backache caused by the heavy backpack in the first place.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
Dear wic. I have read your post three times, but its meaning still eludes me. I feel like I'm chasing an old witch through a labyrinth. Every time I grab at her she rounds a corner and disappears further into the maze.
gormster » neu 2 days ago
Whilst at a Finnish slave camp (to which he was sentenced for evading conscription) he met a guy who believed in a bunch of hippy crap.
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
In an east Finnish Slave Camp, born and raised
Sellin' Orgone is how I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
and sellin' some orgone outside of the school
Then a couple of soldiers who were up to no good
started drafting hippies in my neighborhood
I got in one little court case and my mom got scared
said "Olet muuttamassa kanssa täti ja setä Bel Air"
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
oh, cool, I'm dancing to the rhythm.
mockereo » neu 2 days ago
will smith dances better though
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
your bear dances better than will smith
Dancing woman < Will Smith < Your bear
Sorry public school
greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
that was fuckin' cool, dogg.
jeffspaulding » neu 2 days ago
Nice. Two Wilhelm Reich references. 1st panel ("little man") and last panel ("Orgone box").

This makes me happy.

nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Last time you posted the "You laugh at jokes made about you" drawing with it. You're slipping.
cracklewater » neu 1 day ago
And your first reply was from nice-on-water, wearing the face of JD Salinger, who used to hang out in an orgone box from time to time.

Spooky.
heccibiggs » pro 2 days ago
Philippe's face in panel two: he's taking this shit seriously.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
He doesn't want to mess up like he did last time. He thinks he's ready now. He won't let Ray down again.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Right. Okay. With you so far.
i_love_kate » neu 2 days ago
Onions. Okay. I am in control of this information.
shelbydavis » neu 2 days ago
That's pretty much the way I look when my thesis adviser explains stuff to me. "Right. Okay. Beta is a measure of detection bias. I am in control of this information."
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
I've known onions:
I've known onions ancient as the world and older than the
flow of human blood in human veins.

My soul has grown deep like the onions.
zapatos » neu 1 day ago
These are onions.
I know onions.
actualtaunt » neu 22 hours ago
Whose onions these are, I think I know;
His sack is in the village, though
He will not see me stop and hear
This tape of Tony Robbins, bro!

My little otter thinks it queer
To stop without medallions near
While I consume this Whole Foods steak
And drink a fifty dollar beer.

He gives his little thong a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
My missed appointment makes him weep
To hear the whole foods guy's a flake.

The orgone box is dark and deep.
But I have appointments to keep,
And spuds to sell that won't be cheap,
And spuds to sell that won't be cheap.
nice-on-water » neu 12 hours ago
I won't chubby this out of spite because no one recognized my Langston Hughes reference.

Aw hell, here ya go.
actualtaunt » neu 12 hours ago
A contraire; I recognized your american poet, and I raised you an american poet.
You may choose to counter with... an american poet?
nice-on-water » neu 8 hours ago
I must've missed it then, so whoops, my "B."
expellens » neu 6 hours ago
That is amazing Ms. Robot Dance Party. All ryhming iambic tetrameter, and [aaba bbcb ccdc dddd] structure and such.

Ooooohh shiiiit!!!
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 hours ago
I hope I am not too late for the 20th century American poetry/Achewood mashup. I have a submission.

Call the roller of fat jays
The tubby one, and bid him whip
Three egg yolks for the aioli.
Let the low dudes dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring cold white wine and crispy stellas.
Let us hope the small bear does not start undressing.
The only emperor is the emperor of wasabi dressing.
capslock_annliv » pro 2 hours ago
Droning a drowsy Tony Robbins tune,
Inanimate to a mellow croon,
I saw an onion learn.
Down on Via Vera the other night
By the bright white glare of Cadillac headlights
It laid there in a bag . . .
It laid there in a bag . . .
To the tune o' Awaken the Giant.
With its sienna roots dead out from the ground
It made that poor hipster spend her money.
Social awareness!
Rolling to and fro on a rickety table
It cost that sad hobo dude a seven-dollar toll
Sweet cash!
Coming from an American Curl%u2019s soul.
O Scratch!
In a deep song voice with a courageous tone
I heard that veggie sing, that old onion scream--
"Ain't got no knowledge in all this world,
Ain't got no care but for ma self.
I's gwine to quit bein%u2019 ignorant
And put ma self up on the shelf."
Thump, thump, thump, went dumb onions on the floor.
He played some chess then he screamed some more--
"I got the Cameroon Blues
And I can't be sold for cheap.
Got the BBC Blues
And can't be sold for cheap--
I ain't a dummy no mo'
And I wish that I was alive."
And far into the night he crooned %u2018bout Cameroon.
The choppers touched down and so did the Giant.
The onion stopped caring and went to bed
While the Political Blues echoed through his layers.
He slept like an onion or a man that's dead.
nice-on-water » neu 2 hours ago
This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the onions
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for dinner

Forgive me
they were delicious
so organic
and so knowledgeable
shelbydavis » neu 21 minutes ago
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, US News
From you I have read like a fool
For thirty minutes, dull and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Ray, I have had to read for you.
You dialed before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a box full of orgones,
A ghastly statue with one gray suit,
Big as a seven-dollar tuber.
falseprophet » pro 1 day ago
Philippe has been potty trained. He knows never to take a shit with a devil-may-care attitude.
woodenteeth » neu 2 days ago
God of fun 'round Ray's neck...
neonfreon » neu 2 days ago
Fellas, i'm sitting here listening to some music - the beatles rooftop concert - and i have this cat on my lap

the cat is all black - 100% black, and it acts like a dog - follows me on 3 mile walks etc

it's licking itself all over right now and I have never felt more strongly that Ray Smuckles is not a cat

I'm looking at him right now and i'm having to admit he looks a lot more like yogi bear with nipples than a fucking cat

My challenge to ACHEWOOD dedicated posters: post the jpegs of cats that more closely resemble Ray Smuckles than Yogi bear

neonfreon » neu 2 days ago
neonfreon » neu 2 days ago
Compare that to the first cat - it's clear that Ray Smuckles is a bear or at least a genetic mistake

lolsworth » neu 2 days ago
I have never seen a cat that looked more like Ray than that li'l guy.
neonfreon » neu 18 hours ago
emosexy » neu 24 minutes ago
Someone please lame him for me. I am supposedly too mean to do it. :(
edd36 » neu 2 days ago
It's the ears that make you think this but
edd36 » neu 2 days ago
Sorry, I meant to post THIS

wazza » neu 2 days ago
or this?

iduf » neu 2 days ago
Let's play "THE CAT IS SLOWLY EVOLVING INTO RAY"!

iduf » neu 2 days ago
Or "Mess up your BBcode".

autrepoupee » neu 2 days ago
you stay away from my son, ray the cat
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
aaaa ray the cat get away from me!
i_love_kate » neu 2 days ago
Ray the cat isn't allowed near public schools anymore.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
Ray the Cat is not allowed near local schools.
Ray the Cat understands that what he did was very wrong.
Ray the Cat has served his prison sentence, and just wants to get on with his life.
A local mother is running a petition to get Ray the Cat removed from the area.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Ray the Cat is not cool with his past life decisions but hopes to make better ones now that he has help because life is hard and we all need a little bit of support from others.
Ray the Cat is no different.
Ray the Cat wants to be better.
Ray the Cat wants what we all want.
Ray the Cat is doing his best.
Ray the Cat is taking it one day at a time.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
There once was a feline called Ray
Who behaved in a terrible way.
He succumbed to temptation,
So he's now on probation.
What was it that made him that way?
autrepoupee » neu 2 days ago

"Phillipe, what did I tell you about bringing girl's to our business meetings?"
wazza » neu 1 day ago
girl's what?
autrepoupee » neu 1 day ago
boobs
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
amen.
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
is that a defaced picture of david berkowitz(sp?)?
rowboat » pro 3 hours ago
I was thinkin' Jim Jones.
varnish » neu 1 day ago
I don't like what you're doing here. I don't feel like I have a lot of outs.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Pilippe-Ray is the cutest thing since Philippe's bee costume MAYBE.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
LET'S SPELL HIS NAME REALLY WRONG TODAY OKAY GUYS
lolsworth » neu 2 days ago
Misspelling Philippe I can understand. (is it two ells or two pees or both oh god I am not ready for this it makes no sense IT MAKES NO SENSE !) It's the people who keep calling Téodor "Téodore" and such that gets to me. It is the third most straightforward name (after "Ray" and "Beef") and what's more YOU ONLY EVER SEE IT WRITTEN DOWN. IT IS NOT LIKE THIS IS RADIO AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS AT HOW THE WORDS WOULD LOOK WHEN WRITTEN DOWN. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Also if you're unsure it's so much easier to spell T or Tacodor! COME ON PEOPLE THIS IS SIMPLE STUFF
wazza » neu 2 days ago
I think "Pat" and "Nice Pete" are more straightforward than "Teodor"
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Secondary characters to Teodor's primary. Put your thinking brain on, boy, shit.
wazza » neu 2 days ago
you didn't specify that.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
It shouldn't even have to be said. Shit, fool. Thinking brain. Invest in one.
mr-siegal » neu 1 day ago
Aisle brain, waz.
wazza » neu 1 day ago
I ain't in the business of mentally covering for your failings, dogg
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
Good thing I never fail mentally.
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
...and then you woke up and realized it was all a dream.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
WAY TO MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
BOO GREENKOOLAYD BOOO
greenkoolayd » neu 21 hours ago
would it feel any better coming from your ladyfriend gladi? in surri ei dint misepll awll da werdz. hoo du yu fink yoo r?
nice-on-water » neu 12 hours ago
Wait what?
greenkoolayd » neu 9 hours ago
it was a tantrum. pay no mind.
nice-on-water » neu 8 hours ago
Oh.
actualtaunt » neu 2 days ago
i'm basically a shit dude but spelling things wrong isn't a thing of intent it is like i have not done it right and then it will not such as let me edit man its just the way man
lolsworth » neu 2 days ago
An edit function is sorely needed, this is entirely correct.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Is that what he was saying? I agree.
quinlaenar » neu 2 days ago
I had to read this one twice to notice Philippe thought that a book about being successful was about a giant living in a mountain. Success on Onstad's part.
redmange » pro 2 days ago
Yes, yes, yes, I love where this is going, I am excited, this is good, this is what should be. This is what was meant to be. There was a time before this, but that time is gone, and we will never speak of it again. We will never again speak of the time before Rhillipe.
nice-on-water » neu 2 days ago
Ray-leep? Phil-ay. Filet! Good! Bad?
greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
Phray.
mockereo » neu 2 days ago
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL FIVE YEAR OLD EVER
daidai » neu 2 days ago
Somewhere, the kid on the Life Cereal box is furious
pmbarrett » neu 1 day ago
everywhere he's furious. he peaked at five, on a cereal box, for the whole country to see.
mawk » neu 1 day ago
shame on that kid. it's too bad that life has made him idiotic.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
Wishin' he died from them Pop Rocks and Coke but damned if God didn't have other plans. He liked Life; he must suffer through life.
scorpio_nadir » neu 2 days ago
You gots any fresh shreemp gumbo?
i_love_kate » neu 2 days ago
Philippe has no shoulders. My guess is that he stopped paying attention to the CD/onions as soon as he heard "be like someone you like!" and thence wandered off to begin carefully stapling that chain to his neck.
charchar » neu 2 days ago
I was about to make this comment and then I decided to see if it had been done.

GodDAMMIT, i_love_kate, you have ruined my day.
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
There is no silver medal in knife fighting, but there is a consolation chubby in this.
miaou » neu 2 days ago
I gave this comment a lol.
puguglypress » neu 2 days ago
I think he actually became a success and got a high-paying job in that time just to impress Ray
stereo » neu 1 day ago
I figure like a false beard, it's just hooked behind his ears or something.
carrett » neu 2 days ago
Speaking of onions, is there presently any way to purchase the Achewood cookbooks? They're out of stock here and on Amazon and I really want them.
greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
bla bla bla $10k up front bla bla bla
zapatos » neu 1 day ago
Man I ordered the CookBook II six months ago. I still do not have my copy.

I did get the kick-ass limited edition Phillipe Pint Glass though!
greenkoolayd » neu 21 hours ago
i have heard this complaint from others, as well. i have yet to buy the first one.
platnmplus » pro 2 days ago
Is it just me or does it look like when he puts on the sunglasses, Philippe is as bald as Suge Knight (sans cigar)?

greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
phillippe is considerably less menacing. and hes covered in fur, so i wouldnt consider him bald.
platnmplus » neu 2 days ago
I wonder if the chain Suge's wearing there is a cross or a medallion...
mawk » neu 2 days ago
Two Rays. One is five. The other is not.
miaou » neu 2 days ago
Two Rays. One is a cat. The otter is not.
mawk » neu 1 day ago
reading this, I felt simultaneous jollity and nausea, as if while the rest of me was laughing, my central organs were straining to escape from a world in which such puns could be stated so casually.

I believe anyone who can expertly give rise to such an amalgam of emotion deserves at least a chubby for technique -- a "technichubby," if you will, although you won't.
pmbarrett » neu 13 hours ago
miaou and the amazing technichubby dream-post.
pmbarrett » neu 13 hours ago
sorry everybody
quinlaenar » neu 2 days ago
Every single one of Philippe's first eight words have a punctuation mark after them.

Food for thought.
greenkoolayd » neu 2 days ago
regarding dialogue, phillippe is the anti-roast beef.
hatstand_mcq » neu 2 days ago
That's a very good observation. You obviously have an eye for these things. Have you considered the high flying world of being an English student?
theirateturk » neu 2 days ago
Best comic in months

Don't like the repetition of little massive man though
hedonismbot » neu 2 days ago
Neither did she
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
Little Massive Man

the astonishing debut single

from

M.U.M.ford & tha $onzzzz
gladi8orrex » neu 1 day ago
lol isnt dat teh guy whose gf got her snatch swarmed on by teh bassball team?
granularsilica » neu 1 day ago
I thought we buried that. Oh well.
gladi8orrex » neu 21 hours ago
buried that like a penis in ir8trucks gf's clam, maybe
pumpinpedal » neu 2 days ago
I totally love this.
falseprophet » pro 2 days ago
Business Deals Are Like Basketball

I am there

And the client is there

And it is just the two of us

And I put the client in my limo

And then I am the winner.

crom » neu 2 days ago
doppelganger » neu 2 days ago
It's really just a place to jerk off.
cracklewater » neu 1 day ago
THIS IS THE BOX WHERE THE ORGONES SHALL ACCUMULATE
plummet » neu 2 days ago
Oh my God

this

this is AWESOME

gladi8orrex » neu 1 day ago
azn fact: alotta them need glasses. waaay too many glass

azn fact: they have they kids learn classical instruments (piano, mostly chinese)

that is jus' somea the things i know abot slopes. thx for listlinin
plummet » neu 1 day ago
gj bruv, you get a chubbie
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
they make rad food. chinese food is the shit.
plummet » neu 1 day ago
BRO TIP: the chinese food you get in Chinese-American restaurants is not real chinese food.

Authentic chinese food has chicken feet and gizzards and heads and other fun things
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
duh. chinese people make it, so i call it chinese food.
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
When actually Chinese-American peole make it, so you should probably just go ahead and call it Chinese-American food.

The key difference between Chinese-American food and Chinese-British food is the profusion of hilarious inappropriate faux-British pet names that you recieve in response to your order.
greenkoolayd » neu 1 day ago
what is a faux-british pet name?
stereo » neu 1 day ago
Guv'nah, chum, mate, the whole rozzle tov.
hatstand_mcq » neu 1 day ago
I assume that i_love_kate is talking about the way that terms of address which sound natural in the voice of a white northern barmaid in her fifties (love, pet, chuck etc.) sound rather different, although still very charming, when spoken by a young Cantonese girl who is taking your order for Beef in black bean sauce. I remember being very amused when I heard a Sikh cabbie in Glasgow call my sister 'hen' in a thick Punjabi accent.
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
I am glad that there are people on this board who are not completely overcome by my incoherent babblings.
i_love_kate » neu 1 day ago
So I am.
greenkoolayd » neu 20 hours ago
[[nod]] when i see 'faux-british pet name', i think of the phrase 'faux-dago sexuality'. im sure it is because they are constructed similarly.
gladi8orrex » neu 1 day ago
Mustard: a common spice foraged from the roots of the mustard plant. oftren uset in amercian quizine. (i.e, frankfarts, hambrugers, french frys, 'junior' tacos, sammichs.)

i oslo got food facts. i no a lil abot alot an thast okay
wazza » neu 1 day ago
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Gladi8orrex is dangerous in many ways.
shelbydavis » neu 1 day ago
Alexander Pope's all, "drink deep, or taste not the Pierian--" and Gladi's all "Fuck yeah man, gimme a swig a that."
greenkoolayd » neu 20 hours ago
how does a 'junior taco' differ from a 'taco'?
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
but the most important member of the taco family is definitely the Macatacahodo 360
greenkoolayd » neu 19 hours ago
that is the coolest name for a foodstuff that i have ever heard.
wazza » neu 18 hours ago
I made myself a plate of those last year. They were... filling.
greenkoolayd » neu 9 hours ago
i bet they make your poops mad sturdy, yo.
hedonismbot » neu 2 hours ago
(pre-apology)

One is legal, the other is not.
nice-on-water » neu 1 hour ago
Maybe you should've gotten us a pre-pre-apology.
nice-on-water » neu 1 hour ago
Chinese-Scottish has been nothing but a delight so far, thank you very much.
tekende » neu 21 hours ago
Depends where you go. Yeah, Super China King Buffet or whatever ain't very Chinese. But most of the nicer sit-down places tend to be more authentic.

There's a place here called Dot Wo. I ate there a while back with my family and a couple of visitors from China (parents of an exchange student who stayed with my grandparents a couple years ago). I asked one of the visitors if the food we were eating was about like what they eat at home or if it was more Americanized and he said it was about the same.

To be fair, he didn't speak English really well so it's possible he didn't know what I was saying. I don't know.
gladi8orrex » neu 21 hours ago
he was bein' polite bro. dint wanna damage ur views on stuff he was prob like 'man dis guaylo aint never come to fatherland. the fuck i mess up his enjoyment of a dish. i'll jus' lie to 'em. hope he d8s my daughter'
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
please tell me you learned "guaylo" from Fast and the Furious : Tokyo Drift. thats where i learned it.
greenkoolayd » neu 19 hours ago
so thats like an asian equivalent of the word "gringo", right?
wazza » neu 18 hours ago
I thought it was the Tau word for human soldiers

it's spelled Gue'la, by the way
plummet » neu 18 hours ago
For Chinese, it's Gwailo, yes

for Japanese, if they call you a Gaijin they are basically calling you a nigger in their own language
fineoakstructure » neu 10 hours ago
I always saw it written as "gwei lo" when I lived in Hong Kong in my youth, but it doesn't really matter.

General translation was "white devil".
greenkoolayd » neu 9 hours ago
r u azn? or did you grow up in a military family?
fineoakstructure » neu 6 hours ago
Neither.

sup u got smthng aganst milatary cuz i gotz r-me peepz

no srsly tho im rme of won
greenkoolayd » neu 5 hours ago
nuh, dud, muh yonger bruh id in teh r-me. have mad respek 4 da miletairi doodz en chiks, reguardlezz.
puguglypress » neu 4 hours ago
i misread that as "miletairi doodz en chinks", which would have tied the discussion together quite nicely.
nice-on-water » neu 1 hour ago
Them japs sure are racist.
hedonismbot » neu 2 hours ago
I'm going to sidestep this white devil stuff to jump up and down while clapping. I ate at Dot Wo all the time in high school. I've spent a good deal of time in Beijing lately, and I can say the Dot Wo menu is fairly accurate, if a little limited. Pei Wei is not at all Chinese.

Next time you are at Dot Wo, ask them to get you my special chair. Doing so gets you a 10% discount and trouble walking properly.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
He's right, though.
mawk » neu 1 day ago
man, glass. ha ha. you have no idea.
odog » neu 1 day ago
I smell a wonderful story arc. Just when I started to think Chris Onstad was entering a cycle of repetition that any artist can fall into, he comes up with a new twist on the whole Whole Foods thing. I'm glad it's not just Ray being a badass about being a businessman and Ray being snarky about having bad ideas.

Good for you Onstad.
aristagoras » neu 1 day ago
"It's where I win. Watch." made me laugh out loud, which few comic strips out there have made me do of late (except Tony Millionaire, he always makes me laugh out loud and then feel awful for doing so).
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
UNCLE GABBY LOOK DOOK DOOK DOOK BLAUAHGUAHAGH SLICE SPURT SPURT WAAAAUUGGGH ::pun::

Always works for me.
nice-on-water » neu 1 day ago
I forgot AMAZING ART, it goes between the slice and the spurt.
plummet » neu 22 hours ago
*dook dook dook*

I think it is rad to have alcoholism
aristagoras » pro 1 day ago
Good stuff overall. Panel Eight should be a tattoo.
hatstand_mcq » neu 1 day ago
Wow. That would be extremely creepy to anyone who did not read Achewood. That would be horrible. Imagine seeing that picture engraved on someones flesh and having no idea what it meant. Your reptile brain would be screaming at you to smash the tattooee in the face with a pint pot and run for the hills. Other poor Achewood tattoo choices would be Teodor in a black unitard massaging his 'goooood tiiiiits' and Ray rising out of the trash can with his bad tasting cookies. On the other hand, Pat's rock hard cat cock would probably be quite forgivable, thanks to its exuberant and joyful rudeness.
mawk » neu 1 day ago
as a general rule, I do not think tattoos should contain speech bubbles.
plummet » neu 22 hours ago
I have a tattoo on the tip of my penis, near the urethra. It is a speech-bubble saying, Put me in your Vagina!
wazza » neu 22 hours ago
totally not worth the agony of having a needle repeatedly driven into your glans.
plummet » neu 21 hours ago
by agony you mean sweet ecstasy I presume
mockereo » neu 20 hours ago
i gave this a chubby because the thought of it GAVE me a chubby!
mr-siegal » neu 21 hours ago
True story:

At a pharmacy I worked in a young man asked an assistant for something for a mouth ulcer. The assistant asked to see the ulcer so that she could recommend an approppriate product. The patient initially refused, but on the assistant's insistance opened his mouth. Tattood on the inside of his bottom lip was "sit here."
scorpio_nadir » neu 11 hours ago
well that's a novel pickup line
dusty » pro 1 day ago
The The E-Onion Inspire, with Tony Robbins and Karl Lagerfeld. Yours for only $7 at Zales Foods.
gladi8orrex » neu 1 day ago
karl legerfeld? i love.
xi » neu 1 day ago
That's the cutest thiggity thing I ever did see.
srikamaraja » neu 1 day ago
PHILIPPE. IS. MASSIVE.
sdskyle » neu 23 hours ago
I was kinda hopin Philippe would want to become a bike messenger and maybe he would get a fixie and some skinny jeans and wear glasses like Lyle...
plummet » neu 22 hours ago
NO. NO.

DO NOT SPOIL A BEAUTIFUL THING.

Onstad is on the fucking ball right now and I will not have you push him off
greenkoolayd » neu 20 hours ago
fuck you, asshole! dont you EVER blaspheme on my assetbar again! i will cut you a third asshole.
neonfreon » neu 19 hours ago
good posts
neonfreon » neu 19 hours ago
good non posts
mr_november » neu 11 hours ago
Phillipe's eyebrows in panel two clearly indicate he is ready for a situation involving onions in a sack.
steerpike66 » neu 10 hours ago
That look of incredulity in P2 is simply wonderful.
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