Conjures up images of Casanova just tearing through early modern Venice. Nuns all blushing, gondoliers all crashing into each other.
gormster » neu1 day ago
Think "Mirror's Edge" but instead of mind numbingly boring it's sex having.
hatstand_mcq » neu20 hours ago
"What'cha doing Casanova?"
"Having some sex."
"Oh Casanova, you syphilitic old rascal! When will you ever learn?"
hbaranov » neu14 hours ago
He died. Like Elvis did. Only game in town.
farqussus » neu3 hours ago
On the toilet with deep-fried burger in his mouth and out of his mouth and chewed up bits on his wang?
daidai » neu1 day ago
WISMOD sounds like a lesbian robot.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
Take Me To Your Breeder.
zoltan » neu1 day ago
I wonder if there's a WISMOD 'app'. I wonder what it would do to my phone.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
Vibrate automatically if placed in your girlfriend's pants.
Oh, look at me, assuming someone on the Internet has a girlfriend. Wait. I have a girlfriend. Carry on.
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
He does have a girlfriend people, and she's great. Very soft hands, very soft, skilled hands.
i_love_kate » neu1 day ago
Like a velvet glassblower.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
You use Nivea don't you?
Assetbar! He likes me calling him my girlfriend.
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
I only use organic lotion
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
FAP. The only organic lotion recommended by hedonismbot.
falseprophet » pro1 day ago
Let's get your catalog read. Let's move some product.
octafish » neu1 day ago
Fap! I'm a Dapper Dong man!
hatstand_mcq » neu1 day ago
I was going to photoshop together a little tin of cock-polish called Dapper Dong. Then I remembered that I neither own, nor know how to use photo shop. I tried to draw one in ms paint, but it became pretty clear that the dog wouldn't hunt. So allow me instead to paint you a word picture. The words 'dapper dong' are embossed in white letters, on a navy blue background. An anthropomorphic penis is painted with a trompe-l'oeil effect so that it appears to be bursting through the label. It is grinning in the asymmetrical manner beloved of 1950s action heroes, and grasps a cigarette between its strong white teeth. The tin bears a Royal Warrant, and a warning that it should be kept away from children at all costs.
aperson » neu22 hours ago
'cock-polish' is responsible for 80% of my chubby.
mattylite » neu18 hours ago
Isn't that pretty much always the case?
overman » neu17 hours ago
That's what she said.
srikamaraja » neu10 hours ago
I want to paint a B-52 like this penis.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
You can come read my catalog any time. I'm pro-duct movement.
God. That was a stretch. I'm posting this as punishment to myself.
andrew_ » neu1 day ago
WHAT IS THIS!?
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
fancypants » neu1 day ago
What's going on her- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH AH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
hatstand_mcq » neu1 day ago
Ah, I see you fellows are screaming in terror. Do you mind if I join you?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Do you notice how I spelled my scream with a 'rgh' at the end. I think people will appreciate that extra degree of professionalism.
nice-on-water » neu19 hours ago
I was Skeleton in the Closet screaming. Just for clarification. The complete terror of the scream does not allow for your throat to gurgle that rhotic ending out.
hatstand_mcq » neu17 hours ago
Nice try sir. But the Skeleton scream has no aitch at the end. Even the voiceless glottal fricative is beyond the reach of the truly terrified.
nice-on-water » neu16 hours ago
By gum, you're right. Chubbied for accuracy and phonetics.
all-star951 » neu1 day ago
What do the crossed-out words say?
all-star951 » neu1 day ago
Word, singular. Sorry.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
I stared at it for quite a while and got nothing but "zhoon". I don't know what that says about me.
icecube » neu1 day ago
"sheen", I'd hazard
usversusthem » neu1 day ago
Oh Ice Cube. Is there nothing you can't do?
(You could have showed some more self-restraint when it came to XXX: State of the Union. Just sayin'.)
i_love_kate » neu1 day ago
On the other hand, I couldn't have been more pleased with Three Kings.
fancypants » neu1 day ago
'Anaconda', anyone?
Oh shiiiiiiiiit
wilto » neu1 day ago
That's the risk one takes when one has got buns, hon.
i_love_kate » neu9 hours ago
Haha, oh it took me far too long to get that.
farqussus » neu3 hours ago
All of these comments imply none of you have a problem with 'Are we there yet?' or 'Are we done yet?' which is a problem in and of itself.
carpetbag » pro1 day ago
I am solidly in favor of any storyline rooted in Cornelius writing smut.
c_dizzle » neu1 day ago
I believe that is actually his current occupation. Well...narrating smut, at least.
fermatprime » neu1 day ago
I am solidly in favor of this eventually tying into yesterday's strip.
plummet » neu1 day ago
Someday, I pray that I will have the writing chops of Cornelius Bear.
The man is an artist and his paintbrush is the old-fashioned typewriter.
azairborne » neu1 day ago
Only he possesses the ability to write such eloquent gastrosexual id candy.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
Williams-Sonoma's website have a FAQ question: What is White Glove Delivery.
When a tall, dark-skinned man with a white glove enters her to the wrist and retrieves a cookware order of her choice. The dark-skinned man also does children's parties and weddings.
fineoakstructure » neu1 day ago
And this is better than fingering like crazy how?
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
... and what do either of these things have to do with eating shit?
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
The Man with The Glove, is gentle. Removing a whisk or a deluxe grater is a delicate, exhilirating business.
falseprophet » pro1 day ago
Quote:
enters her to the wrist
Damn.
Quote:
The dark-skinned man also does children's parties
As long as he doesn't lead them back to his Ranch I'm okay with that.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
He does, but it is at an abandoned hobby farm Horse Ranch. The parents take them along but feel ill at ease when they arrive. You don't want to know from where he retrieves the suprise children's toys. The dark-skinned man smiles wanly.
tekende » neu18 hours ago
"The Horse Ranch can meet any need," he says with a smile.
toiletstore » pro1 day ago
i think they serve the EVOO at five guys.
21echoes » neu1 day ago
chubby for knowing what Five Guys is
shelbydavis » neu1 day ago
I suppose it would indicate the I've been on the internet for a bit too long when I read EVOO as EVDO.
Which did not really make a lot of sense.
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
Women who masturbate to Rachel Ray fantasies will never get laid by men with descended testicles.
i_love_kate » neu1 day ago
Yeah, those men with descended testicles are a choosy bunch in general.
fancypants » neu1 day ago
At the mere mention of Rachel Ray, all testicles within a 5 mile radius automatically become undescended.
retro » neu1 day ago
YUM-O!
scorpio_nadir » neu1 day ago
Is that a hedonismbot fortune cookie?
Cha-Ching!
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
Heh. I always liked "Help me, I am trapped in a fortune cookie factory, where I am masturbating into your cookies."
hatstand_mcq » neu1 day ago
'...In bed'. Ha! Hilarious!
mattylite » neu18 hours ago
Will this be the year that Rachel Ray finally gets her boobies?
i_love_kate » neu1 day ago
As soon as I saw "R. Dana Canter" I thought "anagram", but after ten minutes of experimentation the best results I could come up with were "An errant cad", "care and rant" and, most fittingly, "narrated can".
I think we must just come to accept that Cornelius lacks Phillipe's genius for nomenclature, to say nothing of his even-handed pacing and characterisation.
i_love_kate » neu1 day ago
Philippe, rather.
I so solly.
fancypants » neu1 day ago
I enjoy the contrast of Philippe's childlike approach to sensuality with Cornelius' wiser, practical and more world-weary attitudes regarding smutty stories.
Rock on, Onstad, rock on.
scorpio_nadir » neu1 day ago
Everybody's writin' at me
I can't hear a word they're sayin'
Only the echoes
Of my mind.
theirateturk » neu1 day ago
vOv
johnald » pro1 day ago
Wish I had a typewriter that ZING!s
fancypants » neu1 day ago
You mean whenever you finish a line it says, "Why don't you go on a date? Oh yeah, the whole face thing..."?
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
ZINGs! and BUUURRRRRNs!
A retired strongman is working on the infomercial presently.
fermatprime » neu1 day ago
Too soon, man! I was willing to let the "white glove" thing slide by, but this...
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
Ahhh... I wasn't making any kind of MJ reference, he has permeated your ideas of dark-skinned men and white gloves. I just liked the contrast of colours. Oh... has a retired strongman died recently??
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Probably the infomercial reference. Billy Mays has passed, ya know.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
I hereby offer the "I'm From The Antipodes" defence, read: Ignorance.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Billy Mays probably pitched for the Antipodes, actually.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Pun Time: Imagine the Antipodes was the name of a baseball team.
mr-siegal » neu1 day ago
Antipodeans need no-one to pitch for them. We are proud and upstanding (until around 9pm) and speak for ourselves!
mr-siegal » neu1 day ago
if that's ok with our american friends.
mr-siegal » neu1 day ago
Come to think of it. Who the hell are these Podeans that we are opposing?
nice-on-water » neu18 hours ago
World class losers. They reek of defeet.
srikamaraja » neu9 hours ago
The Islands:
The Inhabitants:
Send money now
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
<tribute>BILLY MAYS COULD SELL ANYTHING ON EARTH! HE COULD SELL SHEEP TO A NEW ZEALANDER, STINK TO AN AUSSIE, OR COCONUTS TO A MICRONESIAN! ACT NOW AND I WILL PERSONALLY ADD IN A FREE THAI HOOKER TO EVERY ORDER OF COCONUTS! <tribute>
wingspan » neu1 day ago
Billy Mays could loudly berate you in just such a way that you realize he has a point and you should listen to him and do (buy) what he says.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
Wow. Offensive then. Could he sell a Smug Sense of Superiority to a U.S. Citizen?
Fermatprime: I wasn't lambasting some dead sales man, but now I've decided that that isn't such a bad idea.
fancypants » neu1 day ago
Could he sell tastelessness to gladi8orrex?
nice-on-water » neu18 hours ago
You might've mistaken the decidedly antipodean lean of that sales pitch for ethnocentrism.
rowboat » pro12 hours ago
Oh shit! Aussies vs. Okies!
Assetbar will run red tonight!
hedonismbot » neu11 hours ago
This will go poorly for the Okies. The Aussies have a messed up form of English, but at least they can read it.
scorpio_nadir » neu8 hours ago
No way amigo. Once they realize they're both the descendants of land-grabbing riff-raff, and each are a hop, skip, or a tornado from Kansas (work with me here, Munchkins), it'll be all "Compagnero!"
hedonismbot » neu5 hours ago
To say nothing of the shared affinity for brewed beverages
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
OK?
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Did that really warrant a lame?
plummet » neu1 day ago
i chubbied ur comment
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Tanx.
plummet » neu1 day ago
don't mind woodenteeth it is that time of the month for him
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
I didn't lame you. An explanation would be nice though??
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Ray's line "fart at midnight" -> "Moanin' at Midnight", a song by my favorite blues artist Howlin' Wolf -> "Fartin' at Midnight." I thought it would be fun for the whole family but I guess it's only for the weird uncles in the audience.
daidai » neu1 day ago
At least somebody cares about us.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
What else am I here for?
daidai » neu1 day ago
Wanna come over and see my attic?
nice-on-water » neu18 hours ago
DO I.
srikamaraja » neu10 hours ago
It is apparent that you do not.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
...and I just made the link. I didn't lame you, but feel free to lame me. Holy shit.
fancypants » neu1 day ago
I mean crap, dude!
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
I am the man who sucks. No depression.
i_love_kate » neu20 hours ago
Maybe you should consider it?
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
I don't want to lame you, honestly I don't care, I just saw the lame and thought you lamed me and found it a bit egregious is all. This place keeps getting more and more aggressive.
woodenteeth » neu1 day ago
We gotta watch our backs here man... guerilla warfare. We need some kind of Glad-iator.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
What have you done
fancypants » neu1 day ago
There was a dream that was Rome...
srikamaraja » neu10 hours ago
Think about it; if any other forum community ever decides to ruffle our feathers, we have an army led by Glad to fill our heavenly palace with slaves for the afterlife.
scorpio_nadir » neu22 hours ago
A concise rendition of the bloos.
Howlin' Wolf: A-How-how-how-how.
Nick: Fart-fart-fart-fart.
Scorpio: Lame-lame-lame-lame.
Nick: A-Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo.
scorpio_nadir » neu22 hours ago
And yeah, I'm pushing a John Lee Hooker riff, but that's okay too.
A-Boom-boom-boom-boom.
nice-on-water » neu19 hours ago
I wear a rattlesnake for a neckti-A-BLOO-BLOO-BLOO-A-BLOO-BLOO-BLOO
And so it was you. Mystery solved.
We all know why. You're a Detroit man. No shame.
scorpio_nadir » neu8 hours ago
Born in Chicago outskirts, actually.
nice-on-water » neu4 hours ago
"Oops."
plummet » neu1 day ago
I HATE THE FACT THAT THIS WAS LAMED
skiddysmith » neu17 hours ago
i also chubbied this, hah!
octafish » neu1 day ago
Steam-fries, is, is that double cooked? Like first you steam it then you fry it? A..a and why the tautology of rocket and arugula when they are the same leaf. I totally understand the kneading of breasts with extra virgin olive oil though, no need to explain that fruity goodness.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
If only EVOO wasn't inextricably linked to Rachel Ray in my mind.
octafish » neu1 day ago
It is inextricably linked to extra virgins in my mind.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Extra Virgins: They're not your father's virgins.
scorpio_nadir » neu1 day ago
This is your brain on Rachel Ray, deep-fried in EVOO.
nice-on-water » neu1 day ago
Chitlins? No doubt some kind of home cooked vittles.
wilto » neu1 day ago
I believe that is a funnel cake.
hedonismbot » neu1 day ago
Also, it is a bad idea to fry in extra virgin.
octafish » neu1 day ago
Yeah, low smoking point, and a waste of first pressing fruitiness. Extra virgin should be enjoyed with some crusty, chewy, white bread and either some Balsamic vinegar, or maybe some frshly ground dukkah.
wingspan » neu1 day ago
You can also shotgun it. Recommended if you want the full experience.
hatstand_mcq » neu1 day ago
It makes a first class enema as well.
nice-on-water » neu19 hours ago
Aw figs to ya.
shelbydavis » neu1 day ago
Could not bring myself to make a joke about Hyderabad.
i_love_kate » neu20 hours ago
Appreciated.
jeffspaulding » neu18 hours ago
Fryer? I never even met 'er.
hatstand_mcq » neu17 hours ago
Put my middle and index finger roughly into her pudenda while reciting bawdy limericks and gyrating my groin into the side of her face? I never even met'er.
vihil » pro1 day ago
Oh god, please let this be the start of a story arc.
i_love_kate » neu20 hours ago
NO.
21echoes » neu1 day ago
Ray is totally high in the last panel. Check that cheeky grin.
octafish » neu1 day ago
No, no, no, that is the smile of a salesman who knows they are helping their customer increase their business. The deal is good for him, yes, but even more beneficial to the client, that fills him with a sense of pride that cannot be contained.
srikamaraja » neu10 hours ago
How well the business community addresses [the client's] needs is up to you and me. It's an exciting time.
gladi8orrex » neu1 day ago
kick his pinko-commie stinkring
fancypants » neu1 day ago
Are you two guys a thing?
sick_cat » neu1 day ago
we are sometimes on the same page. But that Alex man, I just don't get what planet the dude's from. It's sad man. How can a guy be so smart, yet so dumb? He's got major insecurities going on. Insecurities sap your soul, make you a pussy, a woman even.
rowboat » pro15 hours ago
If you're sad about anything other than how you're spending your summer, you need to reprioritize.
rowboat » pro15 hours ago
That is, unless you are achilleselbow. If that is the case, time for a new troll, man. This one's a little stale.
gladi8orrex » neu5 hours ago
u fin' him u fight him. nothin' wong wit 2 grown men settlin' shit with punchs
gladi8orrex » neu1 day ago
dang ray so--*fart*--true, mang, so--*burrrrrrp*--true. couldn't have--*riiiiiiiiiip*--said it better--*faaaaaart*--myself.--*urrrrrepppp*
"with teh price of gas so high i cannit eat nachos no more lol. can't aford to faux-shit no more"
phoenixultima » neu22 hours ago
And here I thought WISMOD was just shorthand for what clerics rely on.
jeffspaulding » neu20 hours ago
mattylite » neu18 hours ago
I'd hit it.
sick_cat » neu18 hours ago
wait so you mean to tell me that 50% of everyone on assetbar is stoned out of their minds? but then what about the other 60%?
antimatter » neu17 hours ago
75% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
wingspan » neu15 hours ago
Only 10% of the population is aware of that.
gladi8orrex » neu13 hours ago
humans. you "people" malka me lol
plummet » neu12 hours ago
i was surprised to find out myself
but then I realized that it makes perfect sense, since we read a webcomic with cats that hit the bong regularly and get stoned with frequency
smallblackdog » neu16 hours ago
I think I've just come.
srikamaraja » neu9 hours ago
But do you wanna?
gladi8orrex » neu12 hours ago
brb guys i needa shit real bad but dis radio programme is so interesting i fink if it doesnt end soon will shit pants. more on dis at 12 am gmt
hedonismbot » neu11 hours ago
Oh man I hope he doesn't crap himself. That would be awful. I don't know what I'd do
all-star951 » neu10 hours ago
I was going to chubby you but I ran out
Huuugs
srikamaraja » neu9 hours ago
What if some even got on the Mayor
tekende » neu6 hours ago
Siiick!
scorpio_nadir » neu8 hours ago
We're in your corner, Glad!
We're not in his corner.
tekende » neu6 hours ago
It smells awful in that corner.
largecumdrop » neu9 hours ago
Baby.
Why can't I be you.
You breakin my heart in two.
Lick my cod and two.
i_love_kate » neu9 hours ago
My Frynapple-sense is tingling.
I detect a troll.
scorpio_nadir » neu8 hours ago
Your what?
"Yew know. Me pencil and spectacles."
Huh?
stereo » neu7 hours ago
Auto-fellatio is dangerous and can be addictive. Don't risk it.
gladi8orrex » neu2 hours ago
i'm gay as hell an' im not gonna hide it anymore i fuck women with a big dick and fight men who look at me wrong. step up off me
stubob » neu45 minutes ago
The dirt's gonna be your dessert my EVOO be your life source and the only way to get it is to suck, or fuck, or be poor and devoid and masturbate me, masturbate me, then slurp it from your palm, like a dry desert soaking up rain soaking up sun, like a dry desert soaking up rain, soaking up sun...
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Conjures up images of Casanova just tearing through early modern Venice. Nuns all blushing, gondoliers all crashing into each other.
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"Having some sex."
"Oh Casanova, you syphilitic old rascal! When will you ever learn?"
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Oh, look at me, assuming someone on the Internet has a girlfriend. Wait. I have a girlfriend. Carry on.
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Assetbar! He likes me calling him my girlfriend.
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God. That was a stretch. I'm posting this as punishment to myself.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Do you notice how I spelled my scream with a 'rgh' at the end. I think people will appreciate that extra degree of professionalism.
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(You could have showed some more self-restraint when it came to XXX: State of the Union. Just sayin'.)
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Oh shiiiiiiiiit
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The man is an artist and his paintbrush is the old-fashioned typewriter.
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When a tall, dark-skinned man with a white glove enters her to the wrist and retrieves a cookware order of her choice. The dark-skinned man also does children's parties and weddings.
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Damn.
Quote:
As long as he doesn't lead them back to his Ranch I'm okay with that.
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Which did not really make a lot of sense.
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Cha-Ching!
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I think we must just come to accept that Cornelius lacks Phillipe's genius for nomenclature, to say nothing of his even-handed pacing and characterisation.
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I so solly.
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Rock on, Onstad, rock on.
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I can't hear a word they're sayin'
Only the echoes
Of my mind.
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A retired strongman is working on the infomercial presently.
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The Inhabitants:
Send money now
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Fermatprime: I wasn't lambasting some dead sales man, but now I've decided that that isn't such a bad idea.
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Assetbar will run red tonight!
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"Compagnero!"
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(marked lame by gladi8orrex, Scorpio_nadir, all-star951)
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Howlin' Wolf: A-How-how-how-how.
Nick: Fart-fart-fart-fart.
Scorpio: Lame-lame-lame-lame.
Nick: A-Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo.
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A-Boom-boom-boom-boom.
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And so it was you. Mystery solved.
We all know why. You're a Detroit man. No shame.
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(marked lame by all-star951, aHatOfPig, aperson)
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"with teh price of gas so high i cannit eat nachos no more lol. can't aford to faux-shit no more"
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but then I realized that it makes perfect sense, since we read a webcomic with cats that hit the bong regularly and get stoned with frequency
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Huuugs
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We're not in his corner.
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Why can't I be you.
You breakin my heart in two.
Lick my cod and two.
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I detect a troll.
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"Yew know. Me pencil and spectacles."
Huh?
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i'm gay as hell an' im not gonna hide it anymorei fuck women with a big dick and fight men who look at me wrong. step up off meLogin to rate and reply to comments
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