I always love my friday dose of toilet humour, Thankyou Onstad. Thankyou Roastbeef.

Can't be Catholic clergy if he's married. Odds are "Catholic Strategy Guy Gus" is an anti-abortion lobbyist.

Well...not GUS

But whatever the clergy do they sure keeps it under their frock.

whats dis? f for fruschetta??...

I don't know about the others, but I lamed you because I find it easier to go along with the crowd.

Also because you're drunk and I'm sober, and I'm not happy with that.

deus, have you tried being better?

HAVE YOU!?

His name is now Rosbif

yes. Tofuckyou.

ah.. godd.. don't want .. to chubby.. but am forced to ... because i lol'd damnit must resit... shit.

FIRST lame!

"You are, the one and only!"
At least so far.

dude why did you do that

I agree, urgh (reverse python inducement)

Urgh indeed.

hey guess what? chickenbutt

A homo says what?

what?

What?

Wait?


aw frig

Beef and Molly are working things out...slowly....slowly...

ever think that's why he moved?

what? holy shit. no way.

That explains the PO Box

onstad's wife is the one who suggested he try 'working small' (the impetus for the hilarious mini-comics posted first on the subscriber side and then here)

HEY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

DATS SOME PENIS JOKE RIGHT DERE!

He married an Asian chick cuz he heard they were okay with small ones.

Nah, no way.

Wow, a post vaguely critical of Beef that hasn't been lamebombed yet?
Good show sir, good show.

Too into yourself, that's the problem. Get some feedback from others. For instance: Yes, you are being an asshole.

Thanks, man.

This is my thing.

"They see me rollin', they hatin"

so I think this is a gladi8orrex sock puppet

Oh man, I meant to chubby you. Sorry.
I do the same thing. Tongue-in-cheek humor just comes across as "blubbering vagina" when I try to pull it off.

I've seen blubbering vagina. It's a killer. For two dollars a day you can help eradicate blubbering vagina from these villages who otherwise would never get the medicine they need.

aaand now I have the most horrific mental image ever conceived by man. Thanks, i_love_kate.

it would be cool if instead of giving someone a chubby, we could give them a vag.

Rate this Comment: Vaginate Lame Mark as Spam *Ignore User* [unread]

i dunno, vaginate just makes me think of smearing something with vegemite. Smearing something with thick yeasty paste.. hey, it is the same after all!

Shivering anus!

Don't we all? I didn't think about it till I read this comment but it's considered assholic if you're bare minimum Snarky for at least thirty seconds of speaking time, and I know I usually maintain a two minute SnarkyPlus (UK users, see: SnideMaxx).

Not gonna lie, was kinda hoping someone SAID "Fuck You" at least once. But it was still entertaining. Especially Catholic Strategy Gus.

One of Beef's gastrointestinal nightmares was conceived when he played his standard toilet-cobra nightmare backwards in his head.

Hey you G.I. you all wanna get Seven-kinky Numbah 2 wi' me? It Tonight's Special!

True, so true.

It's a measure of how much I care about these characters that it hurt a bit inside to read that Molly "hates" Beef even marginally... but it's so real.

it's really vindicating to think molly finds beef as insufferable as i do. hurry and get out molly~

insufferable? How so? And even if Beef might not be the ideal partner, what of Molly? It seems like Molly never really developed into a character, she has simply always been a foil for Beef. Who wants to marry a foil?

I'll give you the tip.

Up to the hilt is how I roll.

And my axe!

what kind of weird co-dependence is this that exists between Gladdi and the other people on here

what does Gladdi get out of his relationship with the people here

and what do the people here get from it?

Gladdi you are as popular to these people as Walter Cronkite because you always tell it the way it is

[IMGS OFF]

Pictured is GLADI8ORREX

This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?!

Marraige is alway a combustious mixture of love and hate. You'll thank me later.

oh it'll be later

Hating the world IS the only way to understand it (I dreamed I was back at University last night).

Nah. Nothing new that ain't already on display right here. Good night.

So, what do you suppose would happen if I copied and pasted the funny parts from the pay site here on asset bar? 'Course you might not agree with my sense of humor, no? But anyway, would my posts get erased or would my account get banned? Or nothing at all...

Not that I would do that, it would be pretty disrespectful to Chris. I just can't help but wonder...

P. S. dysphemism I chubbied your polite expression of gratitude. You're welcome.

Man, who do a thing?

FYF fattie.

spectre ... you do realize that a Mac is basically a PC running linux, only it costs an extra $1000?

Its BSD based, but whatev'

BUT IT RUNS WITHOUT WINDOWS! That is the point.
And the pictures are *so* pretty.
BTW, I made a living administering BSD web server boxes for three years. So, yeh, I know -- and chubby to Lucidz.

Ya I am a long-time mac user but ever since like Netscape Navigator came out I have bought 3rd party regular old 2-button mice.

I chubby you as a mac user!

Um... you do realize that you've been able to just use a regular mouse (chock-full of right-clickity goodness) for like ten years now, right?

You DO realize that, don't you?

Don't you?

Spectre knows 'Nix, so chub that man.
Prettying up BSD like that is worth a hundred bucks each, sure.
Maybe not a thousand, but then that backlit keyboard sure is, yo.

Actually the Server version of OSX 10.6 is way cheaper than Windows Server....GASP!!!

how can you compare OSX server to Windows Server? You might as well compare BSD to Windows 3.1. Or compare a nice car to a Ford from the 80's that's been sitting at the bottom of the ocean for the past decade.

For small offices, yo. It scales. Plus your 1st comparison is ironically backward.
You'd be surprised at some bigger mini-enterprises even using it.

I'm sure that some companies use OSX server, just as some people use OSX. It's just relatively rare that you find people with a mindset of productivity like that. So you're saying that OSX server is to Windows server what Windows 3.1 is to BSD? Hmmm...

I think this is the first Fuck You Friday which contains no Fuck.

Yo how long till Onstad gives you a blog?

Touch a creek, freak.

Squeeze a nerd and get a turd, word.

Blow a clerk, jerk.

oh snap! gladi8orrex got stole!

no spoken one, to be sure.

I think it was the last one (Bill Cosby, apostrophes) that also didn't have a Fuck in the main dialogue part.

The FYFs because if 2010 looks anything like 2009, every Friday will be Fuck You Friday. Collect all 106!

Gladdi9orrex is the Jesus of sodomy.

Gladdi9orrex?

GLADDI·REX·IVDÆORVM·PECCATUM·SODOMITICUM

Shit. Looked OK in the goddamn preview.

Thanks, Catholic Strategy Gus.

Jesus? Yes, Gladdi9 is the mystical bearded sky man of back door pleasure.

Personally, I would've chosen someone more known for oratorial skills who wasn't a celibate bachelor.

Perhaps he's the William Jennings Bryan of sodomy?

If anyone was the Jesus of sodomy, I would have figured it was Dr. Manflesh.

retardo

Dr Manflesh is the Hugh MacDiarmid of sodomy. Gladi8orX is the E.E. Cummings.

don't you mean eeeeeeeecumming!

correct
i wanna cum

He laughed when he came; true to his name.

Like teh view...o countryside...

Dylan Thomas would have gladly let you plunder him for such talent. Walt Whitman would have done it for nothing.

I had to look up "milt". Is there... is there girl-milt?

Wait. So you mean that she was.... Damn it.

Quote:

"boy-milt" is redundant. However, it is a good idea to get it unpasteurized, otherwise it loses potency.

Quote:
Not so fast, gaucho, yes, all milt comes from "boys," but in the strip, it is milt from Bulgarian boys. Or as Chinese put it: Cumfromsomeyounguy

Gaucho? But I don't have a spangled leather poncho.

Anyway, you'll notice that "boy-milt" is a compound word. Thus the term "boy" is directly modifying "milt" not "Bulgarian." I'll give in if it was a translation from a parochial European term (such as JungeSamen)

Or maybe it just means as opposed to man-milt? Which as we all know, has only half the culinary uses.

Or quite possibly it emphasizes the fact that this milt did not come from fish.

You caught that gaucho/Groucho thing I did, you clever stogie sucker you. Bulgarian milt comes from both boys and men, as i_love_kate already said.

Gaucho poncho retro rauncho. (combo Harpo)[IMGS OFF]

Bro Repro:

http://i826.photobucket.com/albums/zz190/fattypneumonia/gaucho.jpg

But it's funny saying things like woman tits and man dicks.

Yeah, there's gotta be a name in rhetoric for that kind of repetition for effect, but I'm too lazy and tired to look it up. (See how little I think of you all, showing up all lazy and tired.)

Probably "redundancy." And yes, we can all see you lazing about in your avicon.

Also, pogo is old, and thus always lazy and tired.

OK, young Mofos, check this out:
adnominatio -- Repeating a word, but in a different form. Using a cognate of a given word in close proximity.

Did you get that from your japanese toilet?

Perhaps not.
japanese crap gasket

Damn it, it's the perfect word for the situation. Props to the old bum.

Quote:
Sniff... That's the nicest thing, aw shucks, hand me that there bottle after you take a swig, sport.

I'm the only one old enough to have seen Uncle Milty on TV, I'll bet.

I've seen him too . . .

[IMGS OFF]

On the original Texaco hour? Had to get home early to warm up the ol' TV.

Just seen Milty on reruns.

I hear he was the biggest dick in Hollywood.

(nice guy though)

Hard to believe that myth about Jews having small schlongs -- Berle had to have added a couple of inches to the average.

Jews must have some to spare since they make a party out of lopping off the top.

::steady stream of projectile vomit::

You gotta think twice about starting a fight with a mohel -- you wouldn't want to go off half-cocked.

Quote:
I asked him to bring a brisket for Saturday dinner. You wouldn't believe what he showed up with.

::steady stream of projectile vomit::

Sometimes he had to force kin to bring their babies to his parties.

Brisket --> *bris kit*

Being a nice guy comes in handy. That's what got Kobe in trouble. Not a nice guy, so only the 1st 8 inches were consensual.

Always with the penis talk, you milt schmeltzers.

sometimes i scroll down and dont read the comments, just to laugh at the photos people bring to show and tell. Chubbied heftily, man!

You'd lose that bet, Pops. Red Skelton, Alfred Hitchcock, Rin-Tin-Tin, Howdy Doody.....Howdy Doody.

No wonder we were a fucked up generation.

Remember a show with a character named Gerald McBoing-Boing?
Dig this shit, kids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNsyQDmEopw

Every time I scroll past this image I am appalled. But, in a fun way.

It does evoke a laugh as I begin to study it more closely ... utterly ridiculous!

girls have roe, doofie.

you made me giggle ferociously this time. Curse you!

Molly is getting pissed. Look at her. The cat is pissed!

Never seen anyone do it that badly, if that's what you mean.

OHHHHHH low blow.

it's gonna be a what?
girlfight!

Sorry. It's been a while and I'm eager to get down to some fuckin'.

It's
"VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE
VENDREDI."

Fuck you!

Chinga a tu!

[IMGS OFF]

CHING CHONG WING WONG

Oh, hey, you're back.

Is it some sort of coincidence that all the women are coming back to Assetbar now that I don't post? Did you people all break free at once?

I know even that kid from new york came back

If you're talking about me, I'm not back per se, just strolling by.

Oh hell stick around

alexis can't stand me. She unfriended me on facebook even. She blocked me on facebook.

Quote:

Tell it to Facebook Wapner

I'm surprised that you guys noticed! Awww, c'mere, you. <3

EDITOR'S NOTE: Hedonism Bot is referring to his basement where many of the female Assetbarbarians have been held in sexual bondage, some with more gusto than others. It's quite a place, has good plumbing and padded shackles. [Good name for a band]

INADEQUATE VAGINAE
another good name for a band

Dang, man, but that sounds like a fun place.

Happy Fuck You Friday, everyone!

Emesis. There's a word I know because I found it in a dictionary before.

That is probably the best place on balance to encounter emesis.

Ass emesis on the other hand. That's 'bucket in the bathroom' time...

I was going to post a poorly shopped Emeril head on that same Milty in drag jpg, but decided against it, as it would probably induce vomiting.

Roast Beef reminds us that he is the only character this comic strip will ever require to remain of high quality.

What?

Molly's expression kills me. Strained eyes, jaw jutted out, pursed lips. Ultimate annoyance and in the last panel, total resignation.

hella reminiscent of this blog entry.

...and this comic.

I forget about comics usually from about this time period, ones that aren't legendary arcs, so thank you for that.

Is it just me or is Achewood now newsprint-colored?

I think I see it, too. The black is not as black as it once was.

I've noticed this in the past year or so. Look back to the Polly strips (Polly strips strips) or the Wales arc. And many others. It seems pretty random as far as when it happens, and I'm not smart enough to know what the hell it's all about. Sometimes it's much sharper, sometimes not.

It's a goddamn conspiracy!

Major points for using the word "emesis". As an emetophobic, it delighted me to see it.

He's so emetophobic he refuses to watch the Karate Kid.

Ha!....I think.

You know -- 'cause there's Ralph in every scene.

I think he said his name was RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH, officer

Oh, sorry about yer shoes, ossifer.

Oh!

RAAAAAAAALPH. HUUUUUUUUEY. RAAAAAAALPH. Have some creme de menthe and its green huey. Or Huey Green.

Sorry if this makes you further emetophobic, but could your emetophobia be so intense you throw up from it and start a never-ending cycle?

May Lucifer cast you all into a burning emesis basin in Hade's!

nice-on-water, that is an amazing question. The answer is a tentative 'no'. But believe me, Onstad's vision of a man who never stops vomiting? Jesus Christ, you should have seen my expression. "A bullet to the back of the head...that's the quickest way..."

I mean I've thought about that before. I know vomit is (sometimes) our response to what we consider disgusting, if it's disgusting enough, and we all hopefully have a negative response to vomit, so I can imagine someone's vomit making someone else vomit, etc ad naseum, pun intended. This is what I think about.

This is what I think about too.

It is something to think about.

Think about it.

Think about it.

Think think about it.

'k aboudit
'k aboudit
'k aboudit
'k aboudit

Maybe ju an' heem are amigos!

I've never actually vomited just because something external disgusted me. I'd like to be able to, though. It would make a very strong statement against something to vomit on command in response to it.

It has been suggested that a good number of people fear vomiting more than they fear such things as labor pains and death. It is apparently one of the most traumatizing things for humans to go through.

I quite like vomiting. To be honest, I think it's the main reason I do so much scag.

You immediately remind me of Lyle.

fuck you assetbar...the bottom is a formula...pluses and such, you see...m'yes

Assetbar has a problem with pluses. Oh well; we're all just gonna die anyway.

Assetbar has a problem with you. It nudged me at the table last night, pointed at you and went "I don't like that onegoodmonkey guy."

Quote:
Thought they were great band/album names, james.

I'm surprised we've not adopted Newspeak for this. Unminus/un- or possibly !- for those of you that see ! as not.

Supermodels are really a lot braver than we give them credit for.

In my experience, the main concern has always been where to vomit in style, comfort, and relative humiliation.

[IMGS OFF]

Yeah, the only thing that can improve a vomiting situation for me is humiliation.

Vomiting has never bothered me. If I've felt a bit ill due to excess with alcohol (or on a few rare occasions food) I've always prefered to just get it other with and get rid of what's making me feel bad. On top of this I can usually vomit on demand (Lyle would be proud) without any silly fingers down throat nonesense though I don't exactly do this as a party trick (Lyle would be disapointed).

I am also of the school of not hating vomiting. In my opinion, not vomiting is way, way worse than feeling like you have to vomit but not doing it.

I agree, don't fight the feeling -- get into position, a sink will do in a pinch, and let it fly!

Man, I've had at least 4 public barfs in my day that had a distinct humiliation factor- which is why I included that.
When I was 10 or so- remember the air-raid drills we did in elementary school? I think it was right after lunch, and we're all standing in lines along the walls in the hall before we go back to the classrooms. You remember the H-bomb drills, etc.

I'm feeling disoriented, and then this big hand squeezes my body and I hurl 2 huge puddles of barf in the hall. It was so dramatic, my best friend followed suit right after.
...And we were *.* that close to starting a mass hysterical vomitation in the hall.

Would have been great if it was planned, but I think it was mild food poisoning from the cafeteria.

After high school and 1st year of college, one summer my friend took a job for a termite exterminator. He had always been healthy as a horse, but he good leukemia soon after that, died age 19. Brutal. I heard about it a few months later.
People didn't sue then like later either.

Of course I read that first line as "pubic barf."

Meeee toooooo

I did not have any mistakes reading this story. It was great. And also, a little terrifying.

Ive got a better one that includes an Enlightened guru and getting stoned....

I remember "duck and cover" drills. Parents today worry about the background hum of terrorist threats and the effect it has on our children's delicate psyches. What a bunch of wimps -- in my childhood we had constant reminders of an evil empire that not only hated us but had the power to kill us all in a truly gruesome way.

Coincidentally, I watched Atomic Cafe last night; I was stuck by the government's sense of divine entitlement to nuclear weapons. Seeing American jingoism flashed on the screen in concentrated form is overwhelming.

I guess mentioning "Why We Fight" in that context is small time but it has to be mentioned.

Quote:
Saw that in documentary film class. Wonder if they have a modern version they show the troops.

Quote: And they still do! But we have somehow gotten used to it.

it's become less likely that the US or the Ruskies will go nuclear a-la Strangelove. However, it's only a matter of time before some minor player like Iran or even alqueda nukes someone. And then there is the prospect of chemical terrorism. yum yum. I mean. It's not like McDonald's breakfast menu isn't chemical terrorism, but still...

I've got one about two Irishmen in a pub.

The image of your spew setting off a chain reaction of chunk blowing, during an H-bomb drill, so there's a science lesson in the chain reaction, really made my evening.

i did not make any mistakes in reading the story, either, i feel.

I guess it's good to hear who read with clarity and who didn't. I for one appreciate everyone's input on the matter. This is what the internet should be.
ily@ll
nice-on-water ;)

I was just wishing for this talent, unable to shake this small stomach:( after my first night of drinking in Scotland. I'd love to get it over without taking a beershit. Oh well.

Beershits are the RANKEST.

Try flatting with a guy who is 6'8", and eats meat by the pound. One sunday morning after a fairly awesome bender, I honestly couldn't go back to my room because it meant walking past a toilet he'd just killed.

The horror...

Name/comment synergy!

I'm convinced wine has a compound in it designed to make me as angry as possible. It tastes so nice and happy going down, and then an hour later I'm belligerent as hell.

...and you are definitely not afraid of the police.

this is what thegob's brain looks like when she's high on wine:

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

thegoblins slapped her forehead. "No wonner I been-a so grouchy!"

::points to username with a small smirk and eyebrow waggle::

Quote:
You mean alcohol? Brings out the best/beast in us all.

and for some, the breast.

And the bless'd?

There are none ranker.

Hooray for Fuck You Friday, and hooray for gettin' two strips back-to-back with not a day in between. This was the first one that's made me laugh out loud in weeks.

One of, if not the funniest cartoon moment ever produced in the western world. I laughed out loud so hard I may have soiled myself. (I'll be removing my under garments to look and see as soon as I'm finished posting this.)

Where do you come up with such uproarious material?

Seriously...

Probably the same place where you got that side-splittingly hilarious sardonic wit of yours.

Lamed for use of FZ's visage while having no sense of humor.

But he's serious!

http://midconet.net/achewoodtest

You may use the above link to automatically read multiple strips, thereby allowing your new assetbar account to make as many comments as you like. (New assetbar accounts aren't allowed to make multiple comments until they've "read" an ungodly number of strips.)

As a side note, it sure is nice how assetbar leads you to believe you are allowed to make comments, and then dumps your comment after you type it, giving you a message saying that you're not allowed to make comments and to please try again tomorrow. Of course people find this combination of ineptitude and arrogance to be infuriating. It's too bad that there are pieces of shit in this world who write software that manifests no respect for the efforts of other people. This means you, assetbar folks. I'm not sure what Onstad sees in them, but whatever.

I'm not so sure about Roast Beef's marriage here, guys. I'm really not.

Don't worry, Molly doesn't leave him for decades. It's all in that one strip he did where he looks into the future and Ray gets prosthetic ears.

"He" being Onstad, presumably.

IT MUST BE

This is okay sometimes.

...fantasies.

It could be even lower class than that...
Behind the menu, he could be wearing the same shirt as [url=http://www.zimbio.com/Jon Gosselin/articles/TMGkqi-D92r/Jon Gosselin Steps Out Another New Lady]this douche[/url].
[IMGS OFF]

Fuck You Friday still reverberates on Sunday!
[url=http://www.zimbio.com/Jon Gosselin/articles/TMGkqi-D92r/Jon Gosselin Steps Out Another New Lady/]He's still a douche.[/url]

I apparently lamed this instead of chubbying. Assetbar, you're a liar. Stop lying, Assetbar.

Thank you. When I saw the lame earlier I honestly believed I had failed. Thank you for validating me.

i lamed as joke. sry bro i woulda chupp'd norm. is jus'... man nah i regret dis.

so sorry, dogg

Catholic Strategy: It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for advice.

is not hard 2 hav principals. u act lik eery1 is lech or sumthin. kinda small minded u needa open ur head 2 new ideas n relize der otherways o dehavin'

When I imagine Sarkozy saying ur wrds w/ a French accent, I am deeply amused.

well.. what if you're wrong gladi8? What if you're wrong... and you know... odds are that you are wrong. 99.999% of what everyone believes is wrong.

I think that the most fundamental truth is that life is probably meaningless. I mean, come on... universe... time... space... gravity... does any of that make any fucking sense? No. hell no. The universe emerged from a space smaller than the head of a pin...? Big bang? WTF?

the only way that human life can have any meaning at all is if they discover some weird multi-dimensional shit with the LHC. Maybe somewhere there is another dimension where life has meaning. But in the context of the universe as we presently know it, hell no. I mean, first off, we missed most of the good stuff. It was billions of years ago that shit was interesting. Now everything is settled down, drifting through space, entropying. And a few billion trillion more years, and whamo, the universe is going to implode again, or dissolve into nothingness or something. WTF.

point being, anyone who believes in GOD is crazy. plum crazy. There is no GOD. I'm not joking when I say this. NO GOD. none. niet! I think the best proof of there being no GOD is people. Look at how dumb people is. Now who is it who most commonly goes on and on about GOD? Answer: People. Dumb people.

Did you think you're dumb? Do you have any idea how completely dumb you are? Of course you don't! You probably believe in GOD too!

Cry me a fucking river.

the lord

So... you believe in multi-dimensionalism but... you think that everything IN those dimensions are slaves to the same dimensional capabilities as in our dimension?

You think that a dimension in which a being could exist with the ability to create in the "lower" dimensions and see things (such as time) 3-dimensionally when we cannot view them at all is... dumb.

And... I would assume you believe that all of the things in our dimension came from................................... nowhere... So people who think this stuff came from somewhere are dumb and you are... not dumb.

... I like ellipses. And you are dumb.

no you FUCKING retard I am not dumb I am GOD you fucking NOTHING you yammer on about dimensions but you know not what you yammer on about so SHUT THE HELL UP

lol @ u guys. super man is 2 strong super hero i mena he can jus grab and toss 1 mil miles of perp into jail from anywhers in world n if he misses can reverse time n try again. dats y i dont lik super man i lik batman, punisher, blokes wit a taste for justice(/punishment) cuz dey jus as vuln as teh perps they fightin but overcome dat wit grit n wat-not. heck of scrappy

indeed. its easier to relate to a dude that isnt an alien or the result of a science experiment gone awry.

I entirely agree with you about Superman. 90 percent of his difficulties are caused because he attempts to lead a double life, for reasons that are not entirely clear. However you've got to wonder where you draw the line. Would a disabled superhero (and I don't mean like Daredevil disabled, with crazy compensatory abilities, I mean properly impaired) be better, because they are even more gritty. I think you've got to remember that the whole Superhero genre is at root one of fantasy and wish fulfillment. The problem with Superman is that he caters to our fantasies of being remarkable and unique, but at the cost of our fantasies of being brave and tough. Superman cannot be brave because he is invincible, and he can't be tough because he feels no pain.

Perhaps this is the allure of the X-Men, whose remarkable and unique nature is itself made a liability through social factors: a fairly elegant solution to the narrative problem you present.

chubbied for "properly impaired"

my big beefs is dat teh enemies cannit ever defeat him n eerythin is him whirlin abot swipin' claws at enemies faces til they 'trap' him in kryptonite for a few seconds den he mauls the fuck out of lex lethrer (or whoever) n das dat. onto issue 1087, whereas batman only gots martial training to render him immune n teh enemies e faces tell riddles n shit n u could see teh enemy maybe winning ever if batman aint on his game 100% but supe man could jus phone it in eery mission n never even come close 2 defeat. not cool, not fun

Superman used to basically only be super strong, apart from x-ray vision and stuff like that. He wasn't invulnerable and could jump so far that he merely appeared to be flying.

I think you would enjoy the older comic books. They changed him into what he is now for tv/movies.

You seem to have mistaken Superman for Superocelot.

Sounds like you're playing mind games with The Rules, where there is a much simpler "as a child" faith built on love that would suffice, especially on a desert island. Act as a Christian, don't compel Christianity. Model the proper behavior and the theology will follow.
Sorry for the seriousness, but it's Sunday and I skipped church so I'm preaching a little to make up for it, dogg

Hatstand's sarcasm makes
a silent whooshing,
flying over the heads
of Sarkoczy and Sandburg.

It sits on silent haunches
looking over their
doofy attempts to be helpful,
- and then moves on.

if you're on a desert island, and you're a catholic, you definitely should not tell the person you're with about Jesus, because you might starve waiting for them to accept Jesus as their lord and savior.

You are not convinced. You are angry.

"YEAH I AM ANGRY. I AM ANGRY AT CHRISTIAN FASCISTS WHO BLAH BLAH BLAH."

You are angry at God for not getting you a bike when you were 9. You are angry at God because Grampa died of cancer. Denying the existence of an entity that clearly MUST exist simply because you don't like said entity is about as useful as me pretending New Jersey just isn't there. The smell came from SOMEWHERE.

no I'm just saying if you're trapped on a desert island with someone, and you tell that someone about Jesus, now you're screwed, because now you have to wait for that person to accept Jesus before you can eat him/her. The obvious solution is don't tell the person about Jesus so that their error is 'invincible error' as described in the above post by hatstand_mcq. Then you can eat this person at any time with no worries that you are sending the person to hell.

You are not convinced. You are angry.

"YEAH I AM ANGRY. I AM ANGRY AT SKEPTIC FASCISTS like James Randi WHO BLAH BLAH BLAH."

You are angry at Space Aliens for not getting you a bike when you were 9. You are angry at Space Aliens because Grampa died of cancer. Denying the existence of Space Aliens that clearly MUST exist simply because you don't like Space Aliens is about as useful as me pretending New Jersey just isn't there. The smell came from SOMEWHERE.

(Give it up, he's not a real person)

if your def of real person is person who is liable to be DUMB then yeah I'm not real like you

Adorable!

get over yourselfe you douche
(I left that typo in there so you could have some meaning in your next post)

I am seeing that...

why don't you go pray to god or something

A Roman Catholic priest in France says Monsignor Joseph Serge Miot, the archbishop of Port-au-Prince, has died in the Haiti earthquake.

See... this is how much God hates Catholics. God hates Catholics so damn much that he destroyed the entire capital of Haiti just to kill one frickin' Child molestin' Catholic priest. Archbishop. whatever.

You really are a first-class asshole, aren't you.

asshole? Me? Heavens no. I prefer 'psychopath'

although I guess I'm not a very good psychopath because I do have sympathy and empathy. I definately dig what they are goin through in Haiti right now. this one time I was trying to run a wire through the furnace vents so I tied it to my cat's harness and sent him through but he got stuck somewhere in there and I was very worried with no way to reach him, but then he just wiggled out of his harness. here's hopin the cats are okay in all those collapsed buildings. probably they are bceuase cats is small they can find a spot to hide there is lots of voids in the rubble. hopefully if any cats is trapped they is close enough to a dead person that they can have snack.

most assholes like to think they are psychopaths so there can be something "wrong" with them, thus making it not their fault that they are, in fact, assholes

you, sir, are an asshole. you are NOT a psychopath

if I hunt you down and eat your liver, will that help?

come on... give me your area code and prefix. I'll try all 9999 possible phone numbers until I find you. but of course it will be extra hard because when I do find you, you'll pretend not to be you. So you have to be fair and give me a hint. Do you have the voice of a fat negro woman with a lithp? Do you spontaneously and audibly orgasm whenever you hear the words "oscar meyer" and "satan" used in the same sentence? Throw me a bone here.

484-264-5849

EIGHT, SIX, SEVEN, FIVE, THREE-OH-NINE!!

It's my real number. I have absolutely no fear whatsoever in giving it out. No d-bag-asshole-wannabe-psychopath has ever used it.

Ever.

Well quiet assholey but first-class is giving him too much credit.

No, he got the last merit badge he needed with this one.

[IMGS OFF]

Bigot.
I sincerely hope you're not really 38 years old.

why the negative reactions? I was just doin' my version of 'what is the saddest thing?'

common, humor is the antidote to the harsh and unfortunate realities of life. when did Assetbar turn into some kinda culture where no one is allowed to speak the names of the deceased??

little girls getting run over by dump trucks
etc etc. this shit happens, man. I'm just keepin' it real. maybe god killed the little girl because she was evil. little 6yr old girls can be evil too, man. I bet there was at least one 6yr old nazi girl who killed jews, and enjoyed it too.

So, in other words, bad things happening disproves the existence of any higher being and negates the need for a beginning to or source of our material existence?

You're a fuckin' genius, aren't you?

no, that's not what I meant to say. I don't really have any argument as to why or how God doesn't exist. No argument beyond, like, duh.

we are just pleased as riches to have you aboard.

Catholicism is stupid.

Wow, four real "ugh" moments. Pretty good for a 6-paneler.

"I hate you in the only way that helps me understand you."

No matter how many times I read this it makes no sense to me at all.

I'd explain it, but it would take years.

it seems like it should read "I only hate you in the way that helps me understand you." or "I hate you only in the way that helps me understand you." which is how I'm interpreting it.

gah, this guy jus' doesn't get it, does he? lol...

Those variations seem like they're saying the same thing: A particular way to hate that helps you understand someone you also love.

What would proof of your ANTI-immigration certification status look like? A picture of you waving a Confederate flag and a shotgun?

Holes in yr. linens

First!

You really ought to refresh sooner.

Just when you're sure irony is obvious...