Ray gets sort of stoned

Ray gets sort of stoned 01/27/2005 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Today a stranger was a cock to me and did not wage peace

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If your father emails Onstad and asks him too choose a signed, framed strip for you for Christmas, this is the one you'll get.

you didn't mention "wood"

You're both going to hell. Shut up.

Race ya' there!

You're both assholes. I like you, though. You've got a head on your shoulders. A head that, endowed with a crew cut, would make the base for an excellent table.

Guys, what the fuck. Probably the main moral here is not to be cock to a stranger . . . and look what you all are doing. Wage some fucking peace.

You're right....you're right. I was a troubled boy all those months ago. I wasn't drinking enough.

I believe that to be the opposite of my problem.

P.S. I do not think you are an asshole and I should not have said so.

Oh, I was. It's OK to say so. Still am, too, if you'd like to continue saying so.

I have no interest in unwarranted douchebaggery this time around. Farqussus seems determined to declare his hatred of me from the assetbar rooftops, but I shall not stoop

Is It irony that, by complaining so irrationally about me that he's doing exactly what he said about me?

Oh man that brews up a lot of conflict. I like both of your comments. ;_;

Don't encourage me.

Oh, and in regards to your status, you can't rate strips anymore. AIU broke assetbar.

That is depressing.

You didn't even get to see all of the wonderful photshops and shit which he somehow found a way to turn into [IMGS OFF] from now on. That's depressing.

Yeah, I think I did cry myself to sleep over that the other night.

Oh, thank you, rowboat. I've been trying to rate strips and I thought my computer was being funky or something.

Good to know someone broke the site, instead.

You could at least capitalize "I" and "I've" when commenting on someone else's mistakes...

Also not typing out "one".

Twice.

that's a good point, sir

(Madam)

that's a good point, madam

Meta-chubby for the qwantz avatar

i never meta chubby i didn't like

now thats comedy....

Mention something about the carrot.

The angry man did not want you to say "1" when you meant "one".

Thank you Ben. I'm so glad the choice was made for me...I would've had a VERY difficult time choosing. I'm new to Achewood, and there are so many golden strips, it hurts my brain to think about it.

"GOD is that obvious!"

But is He? Is He really?

I got it for my boyfriend one year for Christmas, among other things. I am really good for dating for this reason

And this reason only?

What this guy is saying is true. I implore you to take it as fact.

While it's true no one should be a cock to a stranger, ever, once you get to know a guy you can totally fuck his shit all up.

Familiarity breeds contempt, dog.

You know what's really weird about this is that at the time I had no idea I was replying to Onstad's comment. It was only in checking out the 8 or so comments the gent has left that I scrolled down to see my goddamn jackassery clinging below.

Like a dingleberry dangling from the nutsack of progress.

[/meganasty]

Ah, dude. What the hell?

goddamn jackassery is a phrase i hope to start using. thank you for gifting it to me.

He that has satisfied his
thirst turns his back on the well, and the orange once squeezed fall from the
golden platter into the waste basket.

No one should be a stranger to a cock, ever!

Onstad.

Um, hi. For Christmas I would like a pony, an ice cream making machine, a doll with real light-up eyes that flash, a dirigible...

Oh, wait, I got you confused with Santa Claus because you just give us so damn much. I am gonna order the cookbook as soon as I get funds and then I am gonna learn to cook such as recipes, thus making myself more independent and a better romantic prospect and so on. You have probably just chosen my future soulmate and you do not even know it.

[/wig]

The Scotch Eggs are mega great.

Onstad
Strips viewed: 637

You would think he would have seen more of them.

He makes them with his eyes closed.

one year later...and no picture :-(

six months after that...and still no picture :-(

10 months later, and a picture of the purported tattoo has yet to be manifest.

Shit.

2 years and nothing. Where is this tattoo, 2kings? Achewood is not pleased.
we have knives.

THESE KNIVES!

His basal nervous system will face those knives.

my arse will you

its okay guys. he's just channeling lie-bot! you know how people sometimes use vlad's accent when they type? Its just like that!

except its not on purpose. he's just a liar. GET HIM

i think a better tattoo would be panel 7, on your upper arm, with pans going all in a ring around your arm

i mean to say, panel 1 seems a bit busy for a tattoo

soo good

"Mom, do you know what its like to see someone die? Also, do you have any Risotto you can fedex me?"

haha, for a second I thought that said 'fax' not 'fedex'.

i can imagine asking someone to fax me risotto whilst high.

Ray does not have a fax machine. Nor does he have an Apple IIc, polio, or a falcon.

I know this strip is so okay

Oh dude. I meant to give you a chubby for this but accidentally clicked the lame button instead. Sorry about that, dude.

It would be great if there were a way to fix mistakes like that.

Update: seven months later, we still can't fix shit like that.

Update: Eleven months after this, we still can't fix it. I make one of these mistakes daily.

Update: one hour after this, we still can't fix it.

Update: 3 days after both instances we can't fix it.

One month after these and I have finally found a way to fix it! Try to stay with me. This is some advanced shit. First, you put your eyes on the "screen" and focus them (using both eyes) on the words "chubby" and "lame." They're close enough together that you can basically look at both at the same time. Then you put your hand on the "mouse" to make the little arrow move. If you liked the comment (if it made you happy or caused you to not be pissed off), make the little arrow point to the word "chubby." If you disliked the comment (if it made you unhappy or angry), simply place the arrow on the word "lame." When you have decided how you feel and have placed the arrow accordingly, click the left button on your "mouse."

Let's see assetbarista do that shit. Nope. It's all you, buddy.

That was way too much effort to put into an unfunny and bitchy joke. I realized this a few sentences in, but by then it was too late. I am sorry.

Chubby for "follow-tought"

[There is no chubby)

Don't worry, I gave you one. Good on you for manning up and apologizing like that. On the Internet, even.

A man like me must learn to apologize young.

I am so sorry.

Wonderin' what else his Mom knows.

I wish you posted more. I'd like to see more of your avatar.

Just drink more

to be honest it more resembles shrooming from what i have heard

Being very high on marijuana cigarettes can often resemble a light shrooming, especially if you've done the latter often. I've heard.

interesting if true! too bad i've quit the business.

All depends on how your head works. The more imagination and information, the better.

Useful information leading to thoughts like "woah, my mouth contains thirty-two concealed weapons and I think I lost my permit."

Wow chubbied for the best show ever to be on MTV. EVER.

this is the best strip of all time.

SO, so familliar...

not only do i enjoy this strip but i can also relate to it. that's two things it does

This strip is a man...and a provider!

i still laugh out loud when i even think about this strip.

my input seems excessively unneccessary.

but, damn. i think someone else even already mentioned it, this strip is the best representation of that moment, ten minutes after lightin' up a BIG one, that i have ever seen. i have had thoughts exactly paralleling ray's, albeit suited to my own hallucinatory context.

proprs, onstad- you have demonstrated your familiarity with the subject at hand. i hope that your own mom knows what kind of 'research' you do for your art.

(yeah, that's supposed to be spelled 'props.' but i kind of like the typo- say it out loud.)

I enjoyed saying it out loud

"props" comes from "propers" ie, "proper respect".

It's propr.com, the new social network for those who want to give credit where it's due!

This is one of my favorites.

How many days have I spent just like this?

no one should be a cock to a stranger ever.

everything jesus could never get across clearly in his time.

until right this very moment i always thought it said "no one should be a stranger to a cock ever."

hm...

That's what she said.

"Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor ~~oppress~~ be a cock to him: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt."

Exodus 22:21

Holy crap that is the actual text of Exodus 22:21. Colour me impressed, even if I am an atheist.

Yes. Right down to the strikethrough.

and if anyone would know biblical text its falseprophet!

Genius. I LOVE this strip.

Yeah this really is fantastic. I agree with the 'peak' comment. This strip could easily replace drug education.

Why does this comment have lames directly proportionate to the chubbies of the one below it? Seems they are just making the same point.

You've made the classic mistake of assuming the internet bothers to make sense.

i'm from... HISTORY!

i totally love this one.

One of my all time favorites.

"Wait! I am from...history!"

your avatar reminds me of my broken heart

Yes. It is good.

This is one of my favorites

i have this in bookmarks as my favourite right between ebooks and my favorite element wiki page. Gallium all the way

fluorine.

Tungsten.

Hydrogen.
Simplicity equals perfection.

Carbon dioxide. Um, wait a minute... DOH!

don't worry man. even though five people hated it, i still have some love fo MP&THG.

technetium for great justice.

BROMINE.

Me too

Carbon. Building blocks of life and all.

Seconded, though I think I like the big four equally. C N O H

Carbon: only game in town

Don't be a Bohr.

Chelonium.

TUNGSTEN REPRESENTIN' Y0!

I'm from ... CHEMISTRY!

This comment made me laugh so much. Having the Wiki page of your favourite element bookmarked? There are so many brilliant concepts here.

I'm all about Praseodymium

the most perfect depiction of being stoned ever.

"...now I know that being in trouble is a fake idea".
"Wait! I am from.....history!"
Two astute-ass observations by way of a stoned cartoon cat, dig it.

this, i feel, is the perfect dorm poster

must-a-been some real great tea.

I think this one might be my all-time favourite, even when I'm not stoned.

"Forty-five degrees."

He's right!

No, he's forty-five degrees. Right would be ninety degrees.

Oh MAN I cannot believe that I just made that stupid math joke please pay no attention to this horrible man

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Elephino, but it's perpendicular to both.

Dude, dont make me laugh out loud in the library

Libralols!

Haha! Librarious!

oh, vectors

Fuck Algebra.

Geometry too.

Excellent comment and avatar synthesis.

Everytime I read this strip drug use follows shortly after....

I think its difficult to say whether this is the best strip or not - but its got to be in the top 10.

This strip contains more life lessons than an episode of Mister Rogers. It should be posted in every classroom.

I quote this strip frequently, and sadly few people know what the hell I'm talking about. I really love the "That's Todd. I know him." part.

I've been reading religiously since the first 10 strips, and this is by far the best one.

I KNOW TODD.

Agreed.
"I know Todd", being in its own panel, is what makes me change my rating on this strip from a 5 to an unattainable 94.6.

When I purchase a signed, framed strip, this is gonna be it. I printed this one out and taped it to my refrigerator because it makes me laugh so hard. "Forty-five degrees."

Ace

Today a stranger was a cock to me and did not wage peace.

Yes, I just typed the alt text to this strip from memory. That is how much this strip means to me.

Also, my name is Todd.

I think my heart's explodin', theseknives!

I'm sorry. You must get that a lot.

everyone forgets about being from history.

I know what it is like to see someone die. It is like finding yourself balanced on the very edge of a deep canyon.

What's sad is that I don't need to be stoned to think these things.

Was this posted before Manflesh really got going?

Hey, lateadopter - if you need a weed hookup, I got a guy. Just let me know.

Sent from prison.

WORD.

Chubbied for " I hope Ray wore a jimmy hat during that phone call" alone.

This is my favourite comment on Assetbar ever. I would give it a five if I could.

Achewood resonates so well with me I sometimes feel like I'm being played like a fiddle.

this post is the reason i changed my hide comments with x amount of lames from 5 to 10

I;ve bought one signed, framed strip from this story arch- the Ebaying of the Lawm mower. This is my next purchase though.

I totally second the dude that brought up the idea of the drom room poster- there would be absolutely nothing more awesome right now than that.

CLASSIC

this is some of the greatest stuff onstad has done

Still the closest thing put into record to my what my own process looked like. amazing

If this strip was a song it would be on every mix tape I ever make.

I'm pretty sure what makes this strip better is the alt-text on the next strip that simply asks "Do you Know Todd"

this is my passphrase for when I buy pot.

I buy pot from a guy named Todd. Really!

He knows Todd.

This is a true story. This is how it is.

That's todd. I know him. I know todd.

Truer words have never been spoken

Huzzah! Flowing with enthusiasm through the permutations is what it's all about!

My probably absolute favourite strip ever.

HISTORY!

Awesome. Awesome to the max. The best of stoned Ray.

Ray stole his history outfit from the 7-11

this is the best thing i've ever seen.

Wait! I am from.. (amazingly fast costume change) History!

So do you think Ray is stating a fact: "Those are some of the pans which I own," or do you think he is suddenly really astounded by his pans:"Those are SOME pans that I have!" I could never make up my mind.

But yeah, the Toilet Party is by far my favorite Achewood sequence ever.

IMO Ray is definitely stating a fact, the first of your options.

Also this strip is just amazing. Every line is classic and extremely true and awesome.

this is a classic strip...

The 13th panel makes this one. Seriously, that's just hilarious.

watching someone die isn't fun...
that is all i have to say...

wait i am from....HISTORY!

do you know todd?

I know him.

I know Todd.

Easily the most accurate depiction of clear-headed brain suffocation I have ever seen. Onstad is from history and I shall spark one up for him anon. ANON !

i was surprised when i found out my handle is in this strip.. "Nutmeg" is actually a name my sister once said she wanted to give her first daughter. but now i can pretend it's a reference and forget for a moment that my sister is OUTSIDE HER HEAD!

His mom may not know, but his Dad is the Dr. J of killing people.

fuck being stoned...this displays the true feelings of footballe by any reader

If onlye footballe was played in such attyre. I woulde be a fan for lyfe.

this comic brings to mind the pleasures of getting stoned that the military has taken away

In the military, you stone other people.

really?

oh my god this is one of the best for sure

Ray got really excited when he remembered he was from history.

It's available as a poster but only in COLOR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ray bends down to examine and observe Todd.

ah the wonders of that wonderful herb

HIGHly pro, OBVIOUSLY nutmeg

This strip wages peace on me every time I read it

Far and away my favorite Achewood. It makes me wonder if Onstad gets irritated at all by so many people thinking that a comic he did using 'stoner humor' (although these is so far past the likes of Cheech and That 70s Show segments it is awesome in the classic sense). Sort of like Dax Riggs wanting to be recognized for more than Acid Bath.

I wouldn't be shocked if he looked at this kind of like Dave Chappelle looked at the Rick James skit. Hamstrung by their own hilarity.

Also, strips like these are the reason there are voting options below 3, despite what deancain29 might say. We need to be able to highlight the greatest.

That is a false statement.

I got this one: killerlimpet is the knight and jdhenry105 is the knave.

There is absolutely no reason in my mind why this strip shouldn't be rated a perfect 5.

The proper attyre for football is a goatee, and moustache from History.

Ray%u2019s observation in the central frame is a profoundly important thought and one which we should all remember and take to heart. Being in trouble is a fake idea. So is getting laughed at. There%u2019s nothing to be afraid of. Because you are from%u2026

%u2026History!

One of my favorite strips of all time. The line about being in trouble is a fake idea has become my motto-thingy.

Also, could someone with a large amount of experience give some advice on the best way with which to taketh one's pleasure from the herb? IE, bong, vaporizer, blunt, ect. Rating on concealability, ease on the lungs, pleasure, ect.

Anal suppositories. They rate 10 out of 10 on concealability [ sic ], ease on the lungs, pleasure, ect. [ sic ]

Despite the lovely tangency, Trainspotting references, and concealability that suppositories might offer, one word: bubblers.

like many others, I will now exclaim "wait! i am from... history!" during my daily life.

I Know Todd

i am from...HISTORY

Ray is awesome.

I think it'd be funny if Ray had a different "history" outfit on each time you refreshed the strip. But maybe that's just because I can never remember what it looks like.

This looks like more fun than I have being stoned. All I can do is think about thinking, and wonder if my brain is broken because I can't get off that one ridiculous stream of thought.

It's really terrifying how dead on this is.

What, my friends wants to borrow my cap, maybe he's gonna steal it and sell it to some gypsie, he aint gonna get my cap, my cap.... i wish i could get out of here, no im to high, the people, the cops, my family will know, oh yeez. Golden american..... God, i want a smoke, *fumbles and looks around* And so on.

masterpiece. smoking up on an ocean blue toilet seat. 'foot balle'.

God is that obvious.

A fucking masterpiece.

Huh, it's "No one should be a COCK to a stranger, ever"! This is one of Achewood's most quoted lines, yet almost everyone seems to think it's "dick". Probably because of Pat (not for the craving, but for him being one). Cock is so much better.
Ahem.
Also, when I get stoned nowadays I react like Roast Beef...hella angsty, yo. I envy Ray here. Not in the last two panels and the next strip, though. That's me, all the way.

Little does Ray know that his mom does know.

This is fifteen rounds of rapid-fire awesome spewing forth from an awesomeness gatling gun! Every single panel, individually, is awesome! Put together, they become a mighty awesomeness gestalt!

My favorite part of this strip is the fact that Ray gets the same mustache for his history costume and his football costume.

I hit "random comic" for the first or second time, and it came up with this.

I guess either the random comic button likes me, or it is very intelligent in its comic choices.

45 degrees.

that is actually the answer to all existence.
its the meaning of life.
so much more than the rule of up-right objects...

Ray for President !!

[a href="http://achewood.com/dat/comic/06132002_orig.gif"/]I thought panels 12 refers to this[/a]

assetbar, you tricked me.

This, my friends, is the strip that started it all for me. This is perfection in every way. Bless you Onstad!

Hey, I was kind of zoning out up there. Has anyone mentioned that this strip is good?

Andy no longer has the three brews, I like to imagine that he pounded them in succession.

man if you were a cop you could like obtain a warrant to arrest chris onstad on charges of drug abuse, and you wouldn't need any other evidence. no drugs, no medical testing, just this strip. onstad's lawyer would just have to give up any hope.

Very good point, but of course the judge and jury would all go down as well for going "Man, that is so spot on!" the second they were shown this strip.

Shakespeare, Geometry, profound statements, achewood at its highest echelon

best strip ever

Acheworld seems to love any strip with many many frames

"I know Todd" is obviously great, but "Those are some pans that I have" is a really under-rated panel.

History Ray looks like he's about to teleport, or get down

I have to say: this comic destroyed decades of anti-drug messages the public school instilled.

That forty-five degrees thing looks like something I would do, but without the pot.

Ray is a much more positive stoner than I am. I'm kind of jealous, actually.

this strip really reminds me of this song

http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6083340&q=hi

Forty-five degrees.

This strip is heartbreaking.

why?

After being stoned I much prefer it when the awesome thoughts are lost in the haze... so I can maintain the illusion that something really meaningful happened in my brain, and I smile a lot.

Ray passes left. Ray has etiquette.

Is there any reason why Teodor is Ray in the first panel? The two Rays was messing with me until I read on to the next one.

This one more than makes up for the webcomic one. Perfect 5 in every conceivable way.

This comment is full of fail.

...well, someone had to say it

Scootypuff's comment is full of opinion. Nothing wrong with that.

People from history have INTENSE facial hair going on.

Of course his mom knows.

Irrelevant, but, I just refreshed my inbox and it turns out I have another comment, but I went through the entire thing and can't find it. What the HELL Assetbar.

Phantom comment floating somewhere around my inbox...

(P.S. This strip is great.)

Reading this made me stoned. Thanks Onstead.

I mean, thanks OnStar.

I have been in this state before.....in History!

lol i think thats 90 degrees XD

Nono, his hand divides the 90 degree angle into a 45 degree angle.

Anyways that's how I have always read this strip.

I'm fairly sure I've delivered a few of these lines while under some sort of influence.

classic Achewood, methinks

I bumped this to a 4.9

Fucking awesome strip.

We are in a mathematical situation where I can switch the vote between 1 and 5 and watch the average jump between 4.8 and 4.9. It's actually pretty funny.

it's not that comfortable under my table, still, i'll give it a try, maybe i'll be all pensive

I actually <i>ache</i> from the laughter. Funniest strip I have ever seen by anyone ever.

as it turns out am I stoned too, which is why I think it's so funny, and why I misused the BBCODE.

i need a mustache....

This is top ten. Exactly what it's like.

This was strip number 421 for me. Oh well. There is no planetary alignment. There is no conspiracy. There is just the regular amount of fear of the cops.

FORTY-FIVE DEGREES!

[IMGS OFF]

these situations seem familiar....

That is definitely the hat i would choose if i were to discover that i'm from history.

Having smoked weed, I can concur that this is the way you think.

Should someone mention to him that Lord of the rings wasnt a historical pieace.

what a retarded comment i made that day.

My favorite thing to do when I'm high is read the Wikipedia article on Consensus Reality.

This really takes me back...

ah, good times...

Being in trouble is a very real idea where stuff you care about is taken away from you and you never see them again.

'Stuff' as in kidnapped children?

That you kidnapped?

Panels 5-7 are the funniest thing I have ever seen. Ever. Best stand alone strip.

yes it is

Being a high-functioning stoner also from the land of History, I must go and find my anachronistic hat.

It is a stove-pipe hat. I cannot tell if I am Lincoln, or the Hitcher.

Honestly, guys, this strip is funny, but holy fuck can you quit it with the "dude this is JUST what being high is like." Please stop it.

dude this is JUST what being on PCP is like.

pleaded the psychedelic neon dancing dinosaur to the tiny solipsists who all think they invented being stoned...

it is so tragically not hip

This is the strip that made me fall in love with Achewood.

I really want to see what happens between panels 7-8...

I mean, does Ray just decide that he needs several more of those pans? And that he needs them RIGHT NOW?