Marriage got to get paid, son.

Marriage got to get paid, son. 06/13/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

I was once amazed at how much life cost to live, but then I gave up that hobby.

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what sort of shoes should i be on the lookout for?

The kind poised to kick you in the ass.

Roller skates

[crickets]

Ya blew it.

ya blew it.

The ice skates that I.... BONED?

Uh... These knives?

I guess I might as well mention my heart, which at present is exploding.

Alt Text: "I was once amazed at how much life cost to live, but then I gave up that hobby."

And AMEN to that alt.text

Oh man this strip is true beyond true. I am getting married at the end of July and this has been my experience. Hell this is how I feel every time I go to the damn grocery store. At least MD doesn't require you to have a blood test for syphilis anymore.

Yeah, everyone here in Maryland was really crabby about that rule...

Why are half of my comments terrible puns? I need to learn some control.

I live in Annapolis, and I think I'm just inured to crab puns by now. So when you did that it was ... natural

so you can get syphilis over the counter now, huh?

Not really. On the counter, sometimes, but it takes a while to find the right store.

whoa whoa whoa sorry meant to chubby that

I imagined Vladimir Putin saying this.

After sending the tanks into Georgia?

This strip is becoming more and more relevant as I start to gear up to get hitched myself.

Sorry, acheladies. You were really only missing out on two hours of silent drinking a night, with communication being passed only through headshakes and a steady slumping of shoulders as though what you just said physically pained me.

Whoa, spinynorman is getting married! Crazy. Best of luck to you with that.

We're all invited to the wedding, right?

Sure. Also, I proposed last Tuesday in Barcelona and she said yes.

The proposal was fucking absurd. I'll post about it when I have the time.

Fuck it: http://shufflingandmuttering.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-i-brought-back-from-barcelona.html

First off, HELL YES you readin' Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Such a good book.

Second, nice story! These things are always better and more memorable when they don't work out as planned.
Er, not that I know from experience or anything.

Congratulations, man!

Also congratulations on having a book published, that is hell of radical.

Thanks! It shall indeed be a cool endeavor.

You can always count on Cornelius to coin some epigram or aphorism that sounds like it came from the Algonquin round table. Pure Class.

Especially after he's toasted the old cage.

GodDAMN I love that phrase

Cornelius is too classy to say it outright to Beef, but he makes it clear just by sitting unperturbed: The time you spend worrying about money is time you did not spend enjoying life.

True that lateadopter. Besides, Ray is going to pay for the whole thing of course. He wouldn't be Ray if he didn't do it with mad style. Probably fly the Pope in to do the ceremony.

UPDATE: Hell yes I called Ray paying for it, but my prediction of the Pope performing rites was trumped by the main man Cornelious.

p.s. I love the title, possibly based off of Married To The Sea's "Shakespeare Got to Get Paid, Son"

Cornelius vs the Pope = No Contest.

Make Lyle do the invitations.

By implication, would that suggest that Lyle and Roast Beef are cousins? What a bland revelation.

Well, Tigers are cousins to the cat.

No dude, bad move.

" alrit man so beefs' gewtting hhitchd'r sum shti

onepiece fer threst v'yer life sounnds fn dumb to me

but whaever come if you wnt r not

its saterday"

At least he could deliver it by vomit-propulsion.

But the penmanship would be stunning.

Absolutely.

Nah, a Lyle invitation would probably just be:

WEDDING, FUCKERS.
SHOW UP.

5'd for Mr. Bear's awesome use of one of my favorite phrases.

The Tenmen better play the wedding in tuxes.

The tuxes are special Rickenbacker suits with Humbucker bolo ties

Normally I would chalk this rant up to pre-wedding jitters but in this case I think it might actually be all Beef on this one. He is hella tight with money. I wonder if he will order three dollars each of champagne for the reception?

andre that comes in large plastic bags

The man is so angry. He is so angry that he is using punctuation.

I love how the punctuation is suspended between the sentance it is punctuating and the next, like it is a seperate entity unto itself.

And in panel 1, he's speaking in the same size text as Cornelius. Roast Beef is not a man who raises his font size often.

The cartoon cat is FURIOUS.

Roast Beef came over to yell at Cornelius because he didn't want Molly seeing him be so cheap again.

I don't think that she'd mind too much. There's a difference between theater mousakka and endless hidden license fees.

-Darren MacLennan

Holy shit, it's Darren MacLennan!

Surely I can't be the only person on these boards who occasionally signs his name to his post, yeah?

Or is that not what it's about here? Fill me in.

Nah its cool.

-Dan the rapist

You're Darren MacLennan! I know you from being an RPGnet member. Mind, I haven't posted in a good month or so for various stupid reasons... but yes, your name is associated with awesome things in my mind.

No, it's not. You think you are being clever, but we can click on your profile.

heeheeehee

dominos has hidden delivery fees

Hidden Fee has moccasins on.

So, isn't his best friend filthy stinking rich?

That would be a good point except that Beef is not a man who likes to depend on others and plus it is not that he is cheap but that the expenses are so asinine

The Government charge hella money for you to be married... and then charge hella money again to undo that marriage (they call it divorce)...
They charge for the people involved, for the pieces of paper and even for the fvcking ink. There are also costs for public notaries and stuff.
I know from personal experience.

If that isn't beyond FUBAR, I don't know what is.

Admittedly I managed to get my public notary fee reduced by 50% because I gave the nice legal woman sound advice about what goes on in her Aspergian Son's head...
It pays to be Autistic.

It's free here, which is pretty neat.

Where? Imagination Land?

Funnily enough, no. Well, sort of. In any case, the celebrant does the paperwork, and they're entitled to charge a fee, but won't necessarily do so - especially if their profession is more theology than parties.

What you guys don't realize is that the cat that is getting married........is YOU! It's symbolic, man, like some book that I was too stoned to read in college.

Huh? I don't need symbolism to know I'm getting married...

it's just as good of a medium as any other medium is for conveying subtlety in written word. the issue is that subtlety is hard to convey in written word, period. it is just magnified on the internet because there are so many people that try and fail to convey it properly. this probably has something to do with the fact that people tend to make posts on the internet in a hasty fashion - I doubt you spent much time attempting to craft the subtlety in this post - just don't blame it on the internet.

I didn't spend a whole lot of time crafting a subtle response because this is a forum on a website about cats that talk. I don't think the people at the Nobel Institute check on this page too much.

what the HELL is that mioving gif all about?

That's Simon Pegg jumping over a dry stone wall and flying-kicking a pensioner in the head.

Yay Hot Fuzz!

My ex-wife says Beef should piss hell of ducats up the walls of the matrimonial-industrial complex.

hopefully beef doesn't stab the hidden fee behind the drapes and realize to late that it's polonius

Damn! I wasted all of my chubbies before I reached your comment! Mad props for a 'Speare reference.

Shakespeare got to get paid, son!

I know how Beef feels here. There's no grace to the way modern living tries to hide the ways it screws you, like a five-year-old with his fist behind his back.

Cornelius isn't buggin', though. Is this because he's been through a few more wives or because he did his marryin' back when you could get hamburgers for a dime?

The price you used to crave, the wife you used to love

its up......and referee roasted beef says the kick...is...GOOD

It cold sucks to run a mile.

Hidden fees==hidden feet.

No, the feet are the only thing unhidden.

Let's just hope their tenth anniversary doesn't look like this...
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192003

I just can't wait until Showbiz shows up at the wedding. Most likely in the function of bussing (busing?) tables for the caterers.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12192003
Guess I need some work on my url...

Gotta love angry beef.

cornelius' comment is too sagacious for me.

Does Showbiz still have a chance at making an ass out of himself during this wedding, or is he dead like Beef thought when Ray was "sleep chillin"?

Weddings always seem to be a lot of money for just one day, all fancy ones with massive wedding cakes, doves, expensive wedding dresses, ice sculptures etc. I imagine Beef to be more in favour of a simple wedding, not just because he is poor.

Angrily, his side eyelashes stick straight out.

nice catch, chewie.

http://historylibrarian.wordpress.com/

Happy 32nd Birthday Chis Onsteadt!

Oh ye of little alt-text recollection.

Tut tut.

YES! Happy Birthday! We should've gotten him some Asashi or a Jane's Addiction Tshirt or a little plastic thing that will keep his keys floating if they fall on a lake. Oh well.

Hope there are Hot Dogs, Mr. O. Baked Real Good.

I wonder how many of those plastic floaty things he's received from fans over the years?

He deserves Ancient Shenanigan, or Achewater if you're on a budget. He'll even sell you the bottle to put it in.

Happy Birthday.

Look at it this way: this is probably all building to an INSANE wedding party (and maybe a bachelor party beforehand) the likes of which will feature such possible antics as Little Nephew being escorted away by the police for indecent exposure (photographing his ding dong), Vlad getting so drunk that he makes out with Chucklebot, and Lyle, passing out at the alter, pooping in his pants.

Happy Birthday Chris Onstad

Sorry to go off topic, but last night a friend of mine was wearing an Eraserhead t-shirt that just had a pic of David Lynch's weird head on it and I couldn't stop thinking "Oh boy, I wish I had a t-shirt with a pic of Roast Beef's <a href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08312006">Eraserhead Homage</a> on it."

I also couldn't find a way of describing that strip to him without losing something in the translation.

Was it David Lynch's head? Jack Nance was the actual guy who played 'Eraserhead'.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Onstad

Happy Birthday Mr. Onstad.
May you receive many gifts, words of appreciation and familial love... all through the haze of a soothing boozing.

Happy Birthday Chris!

Oh man the blog entry to complement this strip is fantastic. I'd love to get Beef's hat.

Great stuff and a very merry birthday to Mr Onstad.

Happy birthday Chris Onstad

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS ONSTAD!

"a hat that says Troy Koller on the front, in Times New Roman"

it's details like that which make me love Roast Beef unconditionally.

There's a difference between not wanting to spend money and not having money to spend. Politics aside.

Finally the heavy Upton Sinclair influence on achewood rears it head.

Happy Birthday, Chris!

happy birthday, Onstad!

Happy birthday Mr. Onstad!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday Onstad
Happy birthday Onstad
Happy birthday dear Onstad
That's $30 for liscencing
And many mo~re

it's chris' birthday? when is chris' birthday? the thirteenth? june thirteenth?

that's my dad's birthday. is my dad chris onstad?

ohh shiiiiiit!

also, great strip, but for the first time EVER, and i am kind of ashamed to admit this, i don't 'get' the last line. this has ever happened to me before, not with achewood. but i respect achewood SO MUCH that i'm willing to sac up and just ask the crew: what is cornelius saying? i think i'm, like thirty per cent there, but some part of it is just eluding me. somebody kick me over the edge on this one.

the government gleans absolutly everything they can out of situations, so when a butcher wastes something even as pointless as a squeal, the government laughs.

they would have taken the squeal

it's from "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair. At one point he says meatpacking factories use every single part of a pig except the squeal

I love it when Beef is all angry and crap.

Isn't Onstad married? I bet this conversation happened verbatim in his household.

First Achewood, People!!!!!!!! O, joy of joys!

I mean my first. Now i feel stupid.
Oh Well! Let the show go on!

Actually, I just remembered that it's the next one.
Yo know what? I think I'll just shut up and let you enjoy your comic.
Good day, fine sirs and madams!

And a good day to you madame!

Roast Beef gets on the rage. I love Roast Beef. I love him so dearly. Time to consult the shop to see if there is any applicable merchandise available for shipping to New Zealand that won't cost me as much as the time when I thought I could just roll on up to a Department of Conservation campsite and say, "Oh, hi. [Friend] isn't here, but I'll be taking his place. I'll pay the fees now?" They were all,
"No. You can't just do that. It is called illegal. Goodbye."
"What the fuck? The only "il~" it is called is illogical, you fucking vampires! LET ME STAY AT A PIECE OF LAND IN MY OWN FUCKING COUNTRY. FUCK YOU, MY TAXES PAY YOUR WAGES."

I was once amazed at how much it cost to live, but then I died a little inside.

actually to tell the truth I'm a student so I pretty much just live off beer and hangovers.

Cornelius throws out some cool sayings does he not?

As a recently engaged fellow, I'm feeling Beef's pain, in a such as extreme manner. They charge a fee to cut your cake, even if you have an aunt do it. Your CAKE, man!