Wedding Menu Redux.

Wedding Menu Redux. 06/24/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

The small bear is being unreasonable because he wants to show off.

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first to call you a fool and get lamed for it maybe!!

My third eye read that as "first to call you a tool".

Accordingly, a Tool icon.

Chubby for that note

Chubby for that letter

Psuedo-chubby for that pomme de terre.

Chubby for that Clerks: The Animated Series.

chubby for Revolver

Earth Apple? Wow, the french are retarded if they think potatos taste like apples.

You saw what he did there.

Hardly worth prying it open for really

Assetbar uh there is a dumb moron ruinin' the comments if that's a thing

Control. It's him all right.
Yeah, the guy from the flyer

As if Assetbar were self-aware and could police itself. All hella deletin' accounts and electrocuting fools through the web. As if Assetbar were Skynet or something.

...

Okay, I just scared myself.

My first thought to this was Assetbar as Wintermute

totally brainwashing a Russian war vet... all killing off some drug addled has been's lover, setting them on a course to your house with a razor totting ex-hooker.
Calling you every time you walk past a payphone just to fuck with your head.

The sky was the color of a lurker refreshing a dead thread.

Good to see Pynchon rear his ugly head again.

I was gonna make this about how his metaphor was actually true, but when I got around to seein' Thomas Pynchon's head, it wasn't as ugly as I remembered. So here's his head, which I was gonna use to show you how ugly it is:

Are you sure that isn't Adam Corolla back in his bi-curious days?

so funny & too true.

Back in his bi-curious days?

I'd never even noticed that before now, but the resemblance is there. Bastard son, anyone?

It's the horse teeth.

My memory amplified those, which is why I thought he was really ugly. As it is, I can see why he would want to be a recluse, but I don't think that he really should be. He's not that bad looking.

"It's hard for reporters to believe that somebody doesn't want to talk to them."

Maybe Billie Piper is a long-lost niece?

people join the navy because they are bi-curious.

In the Navy!
Yes, you can sail the seven seas!
In the Navy!
Yes, you can put your mind at ease!
In the Navy!
About your sexual tendencies!
In the Navy!
Come on, protect the motherland!
In the Navy!
Pitch in your tentatively effeminate hand!
In the Navy!
Come on and join your fellow man! *WINK*
In the Navy
And if that doesn't work you, you can always go back to Lisa, even though she's a little overweight and really wants to have kids as soon as your tour is over, and obviously you're not ready for that stage of your life yet, since you don't even know if it's really Lisa you want and not her brother Tom! Come on, how long can you use that "visiting Lisa" excuse to play Marco Polo with her brother in their above ground pool? Like nobody's going to catch on? Her Dad's already quizzing you about how you'd rate the female Wheel-of-Fortune contestants on a scale from 1-10; he's definitely starting to wonder. Besides, you've always wanted to see Vladivostok, right?
In the Navy!

"well, who doesn't like seaman?"

"Good to see Pynchon rear his ugly head again. "

Dude, I loved that show. Balky was so funny! It's 'cause he's foreign!

He had a pet stuffed sheep named Dimitri.

Mad respect for the Gibson reference.
Hopefully it gets the recognition.

Mad recognition for the Gibson reference. Those who don't get it, can read Neuromancer here

PS if you fail me BBCode, I will return, stronger than you can imagine.

Gibson reference? What, is it from Mad Max or something?

Assetbar is nowhere near competent enough to be Skynet.

Maybe a skynet that gets everything wrong and becomes terribly embarassed and apologetic about the whole thing.

Prime Directve: Destroy All Organic Life

OH SHIT I MEAN DIRECTIVE SORRY GUYS

Pr me D rect ve: Remove all " 's" from the nternet speech of organ c L fe.

LOVE CL TS

Every time I see your posts at first I think they were someone else's bbcode fuck-up.

Teodor brought the pain. That's a *LOUSY* menu.

Don't be a prima posta dude this is our assetbar and plus nobody on the internets is gonna understand your typo

what i don't get is ... why it matters if beef's family won't understand the food ... they are all apparently in prison for the wedding.

I suspect he's going to bail them all out the day-of, so as to prevent them from causing any problems until the last possible moment.

Or at least that's my theory on why it took my sister so long to come up with $500. That was a rough couple of week for me.

/!\ You don't have spam marking privileges.

: (

those two cute dots underneath the exclamation point were completely unintended yet quite captivating

How is the privilege to mark spam assessed and assigned?

I'm not sure but a person of my standing in the community should have it readily at his disposal.

I dunno.. you are known for being "irate".

And I am known for being borderline criminal in my creepiness, and yet I can mark smap.

I've always been able to mark spam, and I don't know why.

"a person of my standing" you sound like such a 'mo.
(not insult clerks reference blame kamet's avatar)

I am insulted by the existence of Kevin Smith.

I'm so sorry.

Man, I saw Jersey Girl.

Man.

Teodor's a rogue cop, uh, chef. At least that's how I picture Roast Beef's "YOU ARE -OFF- THIS ASSIGNMENT!" and then he all throws him out of the precinct.

"DAMMIT, TEODOR, YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!"

Teodor: When more than half your menu is in quotes, you are running a metaphor, not a restaurant.

Teodor's menu is not the only one with <a href="http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/2008/06/qms-in-french.html">unnecessary quotation marks</a>

oh assetbar, where did I go wrong?
unnecessary quotation marks

By not using bbcode, simply.

You were hella unfaithful, that is the only locus of understanding.

oh my god that is the best blog ever
thank you

or should i say "thank" you

I don't mean to be a Terrible Person, but I was always given to understand in French class that "guele" is somewhat of a vulgar word. "Amuse guele" translates roughly as "stuff that you can toss into your pie-hole to make it happy," whereas "amuse bouche" translates as "delicacies to excite your palate."

and "amuse douche" is somewhere in the middle. And not exciting whatsoever.

lit. entertainment for the shower

Brilliant - that should be the alt text for this strip!

GIVE ME YOUR GUN AND YOUR POOFY LOOKING CHEF HAT

*slams garlic press and sashimi knife on chief's desk, storms out*

He's a maverick chief.... but he gets RESULTS.

YOU'RE OFF YOUR CASE, CHIEF!

sit down, Dad

Starring Candy Creole, the sous chef with a heart of gold.

Sous chefs are basically kitchen whores.

I'm gonna make you my vittles bitch, neu!

Describe to me what Roast Beef Kazenzakis looks like!
What? I?
Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
He-he's a cat...
Does he look like a vittle's bitch?
What?
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A VITTLE'S BITCH?

oh, and I can't take credit for that, it came from http://pulpbard.wikispaces.com/

All the people who marked the original comment fucking suck.

*marked the original comment lame.

Maybe you should write some SONGS about how they fucking....

Oh forget it.

I wish I could.

Iambic chubby.

I saw that old Abbot and Costello "who's on first" bit done up like this then the primary gentleman hath his wages levied, to who do you levy his sum?

It even ends with a couplet! Perfect!

Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
Just beautiful. v-chub

I live in the Hudson Valley area, and I can assure you nobody should eat the duck around here.

Is that true? Or are you just being a vittles bitch?

I need to start using 'vittles bitch' in everyday conversation. It seems perfect for when one of the friends, usually a female, is being picky about not wanting anything at a restaurant that we're already at.

nom nom nom nom

i'm sorry. i just can't help it. that icon gets me every time. makes me smile in very center of my soul.

Between it and the one of Fry with the pineapple, I spend too much time mesmerized by assetbar icons.

Agreed. Pineapple Fry is quite addictive. But... Have you seen Brian the hoppity bunny here too? He's a fun little chap. :)

Or the neon dancing Tyrannosaurus

Oh yes! How could I forget. Loooove neon dancing Tyrannosaurus as much as that sentence. Heh, Neon Dancing Tyrannosaurus.
Oh, and *wiggly fingers magical virtual chubby for you for reminding me!*

What we need is an animated avatar thread, where all those who move get it together.

*sniff*

Awww don't be sad!!! I've spent quite awhile trying to work out who that is. Kinda looks like Moss from IT Crowd. Who is it?

Same guy, different role. That's Richard Ayoade as Dean Learner (as Thornton Reed) in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.

Man, the neon dancing tyrannosaurus is like my Hypnotoad.

That female friend is me! That is entirely me.

I don't eat meat, unless it is 1) a cheap taco from a fast food joint or 2) one of a few certain chicken dishes. Chicken dishes are classified as acceptable or not based on some vibes that I get from them, and not from any concrete system, except that they certainly cannot be cold. I don't like the majority of sauces, and I have more than once asked restaurants to just make me some plain pasta with butter and salt on it. Any dish with too many flavors or too many textures is disqualified (Dr. Pepper is A-okay - I know it has twenty-one flavors or whatever in it, but I perceive it as one flavor). If a meal has more than one component (i.e., a piece of chicken, a piece of bread, and a vegetable), those components cannot touch each other, and must be eaten in whole one at a time.

Basically, when dudes see me at a dinner table, they are like, "I bet I have no chance with a vittles bitch as nasty as that." I eat like the main vittles bitch in all the land.

Oh, yuck, no, God no, yuck, ew. You and I aren't dating anymore, not even your little Voodoo loneal I made. You are dead to me. My heart is breaking over here. A picky eater? No! Please say it isn't true. You are the date I never want. Damn. This is an awful day for me. Now I need to find a new person to bug, you are revolting to me.

You mean this was all I had to do to get you to stop cherishing my hair? I wish I had figured this out earlier.

You know Hedo-bot, I'm an Assetbar lady who loves to devour meat. *wink*

Hedonismbot's fallen soldiers will die on someone else's pillow tonight. Thank you for this, lux. Thank you.

Well, not tonight. I'm already here after all. Just go ahead and go to sleep, I can't wait around forever.

you're confusing me with this whole hedonismbot name but robot devil icon.

I've been meaning to fix that. I'll probably put a correct avatar up in the next day or two.

This is how much time I have on my hands.

It's actually kind of lame so you don't have to use it if you don't want.

oeuwwwww... Does anyone have a fiddle?

that is a perfect representation of that sound he makes.

A MAN writing an opera about a WOMAN? Oh sirrah, how delightfully absuuurd!

If only he was feeding himself those grapes, everything would be sublime.

How's this?

Pfft, don't do that. The robot devil is obviously the father of robo-hedonism, the golden greek grape-eater being merely one of his servants on Earth.

To be fair, he isn't my biological father.

Well that goes without saying, him being a robot and all.

I say if you're going to have a creepy internet person spooging on your pillow every night, it might as well be someone who may also bake you a lovely souffle.

Oh I make a badass souffle loneal. It's dark chocolate, but I freeze a few chunks of white chocolate and drop it in before baking it, so about halfway in they are all white and creamy and melty. I could drop that off with my normal offering if you want.

Wow, sweet and creepy at the same time. My hat is off to you, sir.

Two white creamy melty substances for the price of one?! I'd be a fool to refuse!

You're finally becoming a crafty consumer!

It...melts?

23 flavors! Mmmm...

This is a horrible thing to admit to the public.
What made you hate food so much? Did your moms not make you try something new now and again? What do you do when you go to other countries?

She just spent time living in Britain. There is no culture more hateful of food than the British.

No, it's flavor they're opposed to, not food itself. Note their waistlines expanding along with the rest of the western world.

I feel like that is true except for their appropriate appreciation for Indian cuisine. Colonizing India didn't do much for the Indians (an appreciation for cricket and Ribena? I guess?), but it sure as hell created a cuisine worth eating in the UK.

The Indian bit is key to British eating. The national food is chicken tikka masala. Imported the most popular dish. Perfect imperialism

We have more than one national dish.

Q) Who ate all the pies?
A) We did, and we ate whatever you ordered too.

Well, you're both right. A basic english pub menu is fish and chips done badly, chicken tikka masala, a pie, possibly made of potatoes instead of pastry, and a horrible, terrible lasagna.

In the country that invented the sandwich, and edible pie pastry.

Q) How did I only award two chubbies and get qualified as "too friendly?"
A) There is no objective
Feel free to fill in your own insulting A)

A) The Assetmonkey put the spanner in your works to see how you'd jump.

Not true. We love flavourful food. The only people I've known who manage to eat bad food in England are american tourists.

Oh, Lawbot!

[cue musical flourish, which every person should imagine at their own maximum tolerable level of hilarity]

Then why are you all watching an ex-footballer from the home counties on your TVs tell your restaurateurs how to be good?

Gordon Ramsey went to a public school (you probably don't know what that means. Except for Hedonismbot, who probably does know.)

I do not ever watch that show, and am intolerably offended that you would think so, sir.

Then how do you know the one I mean?

Because you can be aware of a show without ever actually watching it?

We have these zany things here in the states called, I believe, "commercials." I think over there you call them "adverts" or something of the sort. I infer that you're referring to that guy on the TV who yells at people and generally is a douchebag, yes? That's my impression at least.

I know what that is! It's private school, you crafty bastards!

If a British man ever offers to show you his publics, it's best to decline.

I totally read that as "pubics" the first four times I reread that.

Have you considered seeing a doctor about getting diagnosed with dyslexia? It'll get you free stuff if you are.

Only nobbier

there is one thing that I resent about my South-English upbringing: I now have overly-high standards for fish and chips, and I have developed an affinity for shepherd's pie, peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches, and sunday lunch.

The two latter items can be produced quite easily, but it is damn-near impossible to find a really good fish and chips in the states

If you mean fried fish and fries (right?) there're tons of good places for that...

Way, way, back in the day there was "Picadilly Circus London Fish and Chips" in Lafayette, Ca. Owned and operated by English folks and the F & C were absolutely delightful. Years went by. They sold it to some non-English. The quality went away, and that was that. Long gone now. So sad.

Anyway, you are right. Other than that bump in time, I find nothing special in the Fish and the Chips hereabouts.

At the risk of inviting hedonismbot to stalk me for realz...

I am in Lafayette, CA right now! It is where I grew up! What the hell man, are you telling me we have the same hometown?

Heheheheh. That was poor judgement.

ooh this is gonna be interesting.

Fuck off! you ever tried Braised owl with an ivy garnish?

thought not, bloody philistine.

Man, the British just hate food. To be a British chef is to be a sadomasochist. It's like they are trying to punish their mouth for having begotten their teeth.

Dude the teeth thing? its a massive misconception, loads of americans have crappy teeth, its just that our bourgeoisie and those who grace our screen spend their money on property and cocaine rather than braces and overpriced dentists.

Still the stereotypes works in my favour, I was once mistaken for an american as a result of my Teeth.

What are you talking about? All kids in the UK get free dental care. The same cannot be said for america, which is why americans have way worse teeth.

I agree, but whereas we get free dental care, thus meaning we have normal functioning teeth, the Americans pay crazy money for all kinds of aesthetic changes, they go in a lot more for teeth whitening treatments and the like whereas we blow the money on other stuff.

Well, you may be thinking of rich americans who appear on TV. Basic dental care is expensive enough for a lot of americans.

It's true that basic dental care is expensive enough for a lot of Americans, but saying that rich Americans who appear on TV are the only ones who go for aesthetic changes is ridiculous. They have like $20 teeth-whitening packs at every drugstore, and I promise you the middle class is all over that shit. People pay for their kids' braces to the detriment of their kids' college funds. Having just spent a few months in England, I feel I can say with confidence that the average American's teeth are whiter and straighter than the average Brit's, though I have no idea about actual health, which may be better in Britain coz of your health care system.

Whiter, sure. Straighter? Not as far as I can see.

Straightness is an aspect of dental health. Whiteness is not - human tooth enamel is subject to natural variation in tone between individuals.

Man, I am a rich white girl! My moms taught me that the most important thing in life is to be skinny. I got a lot of food hangups!

I just spent a few months in England, and, like the US, there is an average of about 1.5 acceptable food items per restaurant. I got by okay.

Also being female and white, I understand the food hangups. I eat a lot of steamed vegetables and freak if I fill out a size 6, c/o American Girl Disease. But I just don't get the plates of unseasoned pasta. Especially if you have money! I would eat nothing but scallops and mussels and little slivers of foie gras.

I think I found a new person to stalk. You are a wonderful lady and I look forward to creeping you out.

Hey man i ain't as picky as loneal but I can be somewhat particular and buttered plain pasta's damn good

Man the last time I had that...I was probably living with my mother. And we had access to ketchup.

Most foods are bland and deserve a whopping helping of ketchup on top. Cottage cheese? Ketchup that bitch. Turkey slices? Ketchup those bitches. Orange juice? ...Well, I draw the line there, but I would ketchup the bitch out of some water.

ah yes, ketchup and a cup of hot water. me and my friends call that dorm/hobo soup.

The thought of that makes me think about the pro's and con's of trying to kill myself with my body's own reactions of sheer disgust.

The ultimate dorm soup (which, interestingly enough, I did not encounter in a dorm but last weekend at a lakehouse on a hungover Sunday) is BBQ Beerios. That is exactly what it sounds like.

Do not even think about Hunt's-ing that bitch.

That bitch won't Hunt's, Monsignor.

I relish food and I think 130 is a healthy amount of poundage (for my height at least, 5'5.) I have overweight parents, though, so I wasn't really raised with the whole "oh god calories" thing.

Lux, you really are a girl after my smutty, foodloving heart.

Todd says that bein' fat rocks. My feelings on this Opinion are Pro.

Er, not to say that I'm calling you fat, merely that I am a tad more zaftig than your own dimensions, and that allegedly rocks.

At least one would hope so, but internet people are still all 'bout the waifs.

Haha. I'm not fat, but I love a good foot-in-mouth moment. 'S all about the curves.

You know, I used to think that internet people were all about the waifs, but I am the same size as Lux and am often told by #achewood that I need to eat a pie.

incoming body image issues:

CLAP CLAP CLAP

I'm not particularly waifish though. I'm soft and squishy and can't see my ribs.

I volunteer to help you look for them

Bad robot! No robo-cookies for you, tonight.

Guess who's just going to get....
"Yelled!... Aaaaaaaat!"

Oh, Hedo-bot. Set yourself to vibrate mode and come on over.

It's not just white female, though. Western food sucks.

You're kind of like a less refined version of Pat.

This makes me feel a lot more comfortable with my sister's eating habits - she's one of the people who will eat 1 type of food at a time, section by section until the plate is done.

On the other hand, I prefer a mixture of flavours I've stuck random things in my mouth to see if they tasted good together. Usually they do.

I think what I'm saying is, give mixtures a chance.

Did you enjoy the pasta at the restaurant we went to? If not, you are completely a vittles bitch because they cooked some absolutely delicious pasta. Also, how did you eat faster than me? My teeth are practically vestigial!

Oh, the pasta at the restaurant we went to was splendid. I actually have been craving it since getting back to the States, along with the banoffee pie that was never to be.

Ok, I am ignorant. What is banoffee pie?

British thing. Boil sweetened condensed milk until the can explodes, call that toffee, smear it with cream, serve it on some godawful crust, cover with banana slices and some other shit. I hate the dish, though other people with good taste sometimes swear by it.

How do you know so much about our country?

I know the food because I'm half-obsessed with cooking. I know the country because my work keeps making me go there. Honestly, it's the second nicest place I go regularly (I prefer Switzerland, but who doesn't?) The British are crazy-nice, don't mind the whole Bush thing as much as most of the world, and have highly entertaining media. Also, it's beautiful country and great history (which most locals know, unlike my unfortunate home country).

Probably don't mind the whole bush thing as much as the rest of the world because we're just as guilty of it.

Err i mean... Support our boys! bring our brave lads home! god save the queen!

Quote:

Also, it's beautiful country and great history (which most locals know, unlike my unfortunate home country).

I wanted to find one of the pages from From Hell where Jack the Ripper is walking around London, pontificating on its various secret histories in some sort of manifesto on why he is about to kill a bunch of prostitutes but I couldn't find it.

Have this in its stead:

This is, uh. Hmmm. Let's see here, baby... eating...

what

I can't even begin to express how happy seeing Gaiman's work makes me.

Aw man, I never want to say whether I love achewood or sandman more.

This was "Death: the time of your life"? or "the high cost of living"? It's been so long since i've read them.

Here's the thing, I've never actually read the comic, this image showed up one day on the LJRIG forum on Portal of Evil and I've been meaning to see if it was any good since then. I couldn't find this pic again on google, no matter how many variations of the words "zombie" "baby" and "cannibal" I used so I finally found a torrent with the entire comic inside.

I'm reading the comic now and its pretty good so far.

And to finally answer your question, the only thing I know is the trade paperback volume is called "A Game of You."

oh, awesome, I didn't recall it being from the sandman core series, if you're liking it I can't recommend the rest of the series hard enough. It is nice that mostly the individual volumes can stand on their own, but when you see the whole thing unfold it is a thing of beauty.

I'd wager your local library has it in stock, I also have some of the scans if that's what you're into.

You should do the tour done in From Hell. Those are still some good sites.

this wouldnt happen if she had a better haircut

It is the most delicious food possible. That is all you need to know.

Man, Banoffee pie is damn good and I haven't had it in actual years. What is that all about.

Oh god yes. Instant chubby for loving the best damn pudding ever. They used to do it at my school, it was a glorious day when a slice of banoffee pie replaced the usual bland stodgy fare covered in custard.

The placement of loneal's comment and the comic made me do a double-take. Hurrah for split sequiturs!

Unfortunately I think mailing food is frowned upon, and generally a bad idea. Oh well. But I'm glad the pasta was enjoyed!

Based on this, you're basically autistic.

Different people's brains are wired differently, so it stands to reason that people will have different senses of taste. Same with music. Some people enjoy music that is to other people really weird. We should not judge people on something like that. Sorry for preaching, I'm just saying.

Since I am inexplicably unable to chubby you, this irrelevant reply must stand in said chubby's place.

Chubbied because you're a fellow fan of the small rouge one.

reddwarf continued to believe that all tastes were equally above judgment, until she met someone who lay on his bunk reading "What Bike?" and eating sugar puff sandwiches for eight hours every day.

It is a good day when you realize that not all tastes are acceptable. It is a day of learning.

Loneal, there was a Budweiser commercial about you!

"I like ... pilaf."

I have never seen that commercial, but I wager that it is making fun of women who go on dates and order, like, a glass of water and a stick of celery. I would like to specify that I am not one of those women. My choices of food are bizarre but they tend toward fried things and chocolate, and I make it a point not to count calories.

It is more playing for laughs the contrast between the man's decision making (porterhouse and baked potato with everything ordered in 5.6 seconds of conversation with the waiter) and the woman's non-decision-making. (She does not know what she wants.)

My friends all insult my taste in pizza topping combinations. I guess I'm the only one who doesn't mind mixing white meat, dark meat, fish, and veggies into my single slice of happiness.

Come back to me, my chicken sausage mushroom broccoli anchovi pizza. I long for you.

I get hell for gruzzling pineapple pizza. I would hope that I am not alone.

Bacon and jalapeno pizza.
Just like in Julie & Julia.

Pineapple canadian bacon, and BBQ sauce.. MMMM.

As long as it doesn't have any sugary fruits (see: pineapple) I will eat pretty much any pizza. I've actually had a chicken sausage sausage*** salmon anchovie mushroom green peppers pizza, and it was delicious.

*** the one sausage was sliced like pepperoni and spicy, the other sausage is small bits of ground sausage meat and more of a savoury sausage.

was the sliced one Linguica by chance?

dang dogg i feel lucky to have friends who not only support the idea of bbq sauce and bacon (strips, not canadian) pizzas but are willing to go the extra mile and throw some funfetti on their slices. maybe not the most hardcore topping combination in this conversation, but damn is it tasty...next week we're trying out some flank steak, and chipotle.

we are all artists; our canvas is circular and covered in mozzarella.

A really good pizza is canadian bacon and sauerkraut. There, I said it. SAUERKRAUT ON PIZZA. Lame me if you must, I don't care. It's real good.

I will not lame you. I will merely recoil in disgust.

Pilaf? Ketchup that bitch.

Not to sound like an aged hag, but could your food preferences possibly have anything to do with your being still almost a teen? I grew up thinking plain noodles with butter was gour-may eatin'. (Cf. "U.S. White Girl* Disease", aided by a home diet of basically potatoes and peanut butter sandwiches.) In my early 20s, I adventured into more exotic cultinary territory and discovered that the pleasure of eating outweighed my longstanding preference for monochrome untextured foods.

*Except I am sure it is not merely a girl thing. Some girls have a lot food-related hang-ups, yes. But some boys can be the pickiest eaters you ever saw. My roommate's boyfriend, who won't wat anything that isn't flavored by a lab in New Jeresy, is a great example. Think of all the dudes you know who will choose Cheez Doodles over smoked gouda. Vittles bitch, indeed.

My brother would rather eat an oscar meyer with a "blue box" mac&cheese than a sirloin with asparagus and slivered almonds. And used to have a dude roommate who basically subsisted on ramen and totino's pizza not because it was cheap, but because they were his favorite foods and were joyfully free of vegetables. I have known way more finicky people who posses a Y chromosome than those without.

Uh...totino's and ramen? Was this roommate my brother? He's gotten much better in recent years though. Now he also drink protein shakes.

Oh, almost certainly. I have a singularly unrefined palate, which, like a small child's, only likes very sweet or very salty things. I want to fix this, though! I am working on conquering alcohol right now, and my next goal is coffee. So far I can drink alcohol if it is mixed with a lot of soda or juice. Beer and wine remain anathema.

Working your way into ciders such as strongbow or woodchuck may be a good next step. somewhere between a juice, white wine, and a beer

I'd recommend some nice fruit-and-wheat beers, or even blueberry lager (some american brew). For some reason most fruit beers in america are lambics. I am not a fan of lambic.

I've had a pumpkin ale that was pretty darn good. That doesn't count as a fruit though. I've had Lindeman's cherry (kriek) lambic a couple of times and enjoyed it well enough. I didn't used to like the taste of alcohol/beer/wine at all in my tender years, and I agree with Woodjay that ciders can be a good transitory step. I like the Ace ciders, especially the pear, and they're pretty widely available. Happy drinking, Loneal! L'Chaim!

If you ever decide to go the wine route, don't feel bad if you start on sweet wines. People like me will look down on you, but people like me are assholes. If you need a sweet champagne or muscat to get into wine, it's worth it as long as you don't stay there your whole life.

Yes-a nice riesling can be a gateway wine...
Do you get Mamertino on the coast? Good cheap white sparkling wine-good with crappy pasta or shameful pizza.

I likeGewurztraminer even better than Reisling. Same idea, more flavor. Not bad with sushi either.

I think sweet wines are cloying and you don't want to be somebody who goes around ordering awkwardly long bottles of riesling for the rest of your life.

Maybe a mulled wine to start? Or for liquors, hot toddies? You know, the sweet evened out by the spices and a little sour lemon kick.

Another favorite of mine was salty dogs. Mmm. Now it is time for bed and I want to stay up and drink.

Otherwise, I think there are lots of very salty or very sweet foods that can be good gateways into more complex flavors. Let's come up with some. Like a reading list, only, you know, eats.

As I explored expensive fish dishes at the country club I've been working at, I was amazed to discover that although I'm not a huge fan of fruit, I had the screaming thigh sweats for sauteed fish that is prepared with a fruit-based salsa (mango, pineapple, kiwi).

Slightly salty fish with sweet fruity topping. It's the hoity-toity version of a salted nut roll...

Last year I had this Fried yellowtail snapper with mango salsa, and the kicker? it was breaded in coconut, quite a lot of win.

That sounds fabulous.
These are the reasons I am envious of rich people:
-delicious, unusual foods
-regular vacation travel
-eccentricity takes the place of craziness
-their tshirts are softer. seriously. have you ever held a $120 tshirt? It feels like a flat, ironed kitten. It is amazing.

Mmmm, fruit salsa and sweet salty fish.

I'm not exactly rich, but as a birthday present my mom took me to La Bernardin in New York.

Best food I've ever eaten. Maybe the best gift I've ever gotten.

Mmm. Baby Octopus.

and a Kobe Beef and Tuna Surf and Turf...and the sorbet...

God damn I wish it was my birthday.

I am eating out of a box of Cheerios.

that's okay, as long as your eating a pan seared Muscovy duck breast, fanned over a blend of wild rice with a port wine sauce out of a Cheerios box.

The Muscovy is one ugly ass duck, that's all I wanted to say.

I have absolutely no memory of making this comment, and no idea where I got this food idea from.

I'm also not rich (false: I am pretty rich. Woohoo Wall St.) I will add my bragging quality meal to daidadi's. per se. That's right, no capitals, as it's meant. It took almost four hours and more money than I am comfortable writing online, but per se. Everyone who isn't wealthy needs to get right on that, because top end fine food isn't all molecular maggot dicks and such.

girlandagun, you may touch my soft clothing if you like, but maintain a deferent posture while doing it (I am in clothing that costs a total of 8 dollars.)

Wow, you buy some pretty expensive underwear.

Oh these aren't mine

You can touch hedonismbot's shirt but don't make eye contact.

About $200 per head I believe. Plus, possibly bribes, possibly soft commissions if restaurant bookings can be used in that way.

Wear $120 shirts for $4-$20 a piece. Ask me how!

How???

Oh... uh. Well, you just go to the end of the end of season sales... hit up a few malls and factory outlets and you can buy new Polo shirts for $4 for next season (75% off of 75% off).

You ain't buy no Pogo shirts for so cheap! Oh, never mind.

hee hee

The Screaming Thigh Sweats -- band name?

It should be!

And now, opening for the "Screaming Thigh Sweats"...

...the Screaming Cheetah Wheelies!

Sweet wines are nasty, but I've sent many non-wine people along that road and they eventually end up sipping Cab and looking down their noses at sweet wine within a few years. It's a good gateway, but I've known very few people who get stuck in the door with it. Your lambic recommendation below is really good too, I've seen people swear by that as a first-timer drink.

Yeah, I would recommend fruited wheat beer or lager rather than lambic. Lambic has a pretty odd taste.

Also, it depends how sweet you're talking as far as the wines. A sweet riesling can be very nice in the right circumstances (when it is very hot, the wine is either not very cold or very very cold, and the wine is unusually good) but that is rare.

There isn't really much alcohol in mulled wine. Hella different flavour, yo.

Mmmmm...hot toddies are nice in the winter, when it's all cold out and you have a nice hot cup to warm your little mits. Also nice if you have a scratchy throat.

You know, I've been trying for several years to get into wines, just so I can look more culture at dinners, and I just can't. Even "sweet" wines taste so acrid after the first sip or two. I've sort of given up on enjoying wine and am working on drinking it without making a "WTF!" face afterwards. That's real class there.

You could be a supertaster.

I'm one of those! I remember being 10 and doing that home experiment where you put blue food coloring on your tongue. Did... did anybody else do that?

the colors duke! THE COLORS!

Those commercials rocked so hard.

I'm color blind, kid.

I thank you for the follow-up there

I did! It tasted awful and my tongue and teeth were blue for the next three days.

The first wine that I enjoyed was a muscat. I have never ever had a good Reisling. Eugh.

Well, that's that. No Reisling, no Pogo. You can put my stuff out on the porch. I just wish I had known this before my feelings got involved. Oh, and keep the corkscrew.

Oh thank god.

You are charming.
If it's not too weird an experiment for you, would you mind if I gave you some suggestions? Good gateway foods? I feel like I came from a similar place.

If that's acceptable, my first suggestion would be the Framboise Lambic, a raspberry beer that does not taste anything like beer. It has no traces of bitterness, or hops, or anything else that makes a beer a beer. It's fizzy like champagne, and sweet, and tastes just like fresh crushed raspberries in a glass of very sweet champagne. Nothing about it suggests alcoholic content except from the label.

Also, you get to drink it out of a champagne flute, if you want, which is always fun.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Framboise

Other drink suggestions:
Kir Royale - Champagne (alternately, white wine) with Creme de Cassis (black currant liquor)
Leinenkugels Sunset Wheat beer - Tastes like freaking Fruit Loops, if you'll believe that! (Also, Berry Weiss)

Ooh, I love raspberry drinks. I will be sure to buy some of that next time I turn 21.

Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat gets a huge freakin' second from me. I love that stuff.

Others in the Hefeweizen/Belgian White category that you might like if you like Leinenkugel are Blue Moon Belgian White, or Sam Adams Summer Ale, or UFO Raspberry Hefeweizen (serve all of these with a slice of lemon, except the Blue Moon which should be served with orange). If you can get them where you live, Magic Hat's Circus Boy, Hocus Pocus or Single Chair Ale might also be beers you'd enjoy. Allagash White is also tasty.

If you can get your hands on some Smuttynose Hanami Ale, do it; it's not anything like the other beers I just mentioned but it tastes like cherries! If you like blueberries, Maine's Seadog Blueberry is good. Also Long Trail makes a good Blackbeary Wheat.

Whew!
I do love me some fruity beer.

Franzikaaner Hefewizen (that is probably misspelled) is a really amazing wheat beer which I love.

YES! It is my favorite.

I tell everyone that it has an odd bubble-gummy (in a good way) taste, and no one believes me.

By the way, if you're ever looking for odd bubble-gummy (in a bad way) taste, look no further than jackfruit.

I would never drink a beer made out of jackfruit. My body would not let me. I'm just sayin', is all.

Franziskaner. I have never seen the word "hefeweizen" on their labelling, but then I've never seen it in America.

Pyramid Apricot Hefewiezen is the most widely available fruity beer that I know of. At least here it is. Also, Abita Purple Haze.

You would probably love Fruli.

I bought shitloads of this when I was a kid. I remember going to the BevMo in Oakland with about 8 bottles of the Lindeman's framboise. Cute checkout girl asks if I'm throwing a party, and mentions how much she liked the stuff, which in retrospect was probably a great intro line, but I totally missed it. Still, 8 bottles of beer was a good consolation. Tasty!

Get a job that involves drinking on tax-payer's money, with people who like wine. You may not be surprised at the result.

>.....My roommate's boyfriend, who won't wat anything that isn't flavored by a lab in New Jeresy, is a great example.

wat

Speak 'wat' again! Thou cur, cry 'wat' again!
I dare thee utter 'wat' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!

Fine.

WAT

Chubbied for
1) reference
2) Edwell
3) Edwell
4) Avatar
5) Edwell

Christ, don't rub your penis against him.

Don't listen to her, hbaranov, you rub your penis wherever you want!

Hey everybody! Two chicks are havin' a dick fight!

*Knocks over chair*

*watches patiently*

DICK FIIIGHT!!

*Everyone starts throwing dicks.

I'm tossing my log in.

"... and my ass!"

Implications... staggering... must resist.. penis rubbing... rampage...

It's cool, he don't ejaculate none.

but the best foods are mixed flavors. bacon and syrup. eggs and hot sauce. sticks of butter covered in sugar...i call them sin sticks

So many times I've gone to bake something and it's said; "Add butter and sugar." Then nothing gets baked and I have another heart attack.

Butter is nothing to be afraid of, it is good honest food.

Oh no! But then you don't get any baked treats!
I would rather just eat a chocolate croissant in the morning and nothing else all day than never eat chocolate croissant. But I am a sicko.

Pain au chocolat is truly the most blessed of foods.

Argh what the fuck is up with that Maerican thing of pouring syrup over an entire fried breakfast. Pancakes, yes. Waffles, totally. French toast, not for me but sure I can accept that. But bacon and sausage and eggs? WHAT?

Don't any of you yanks ever tell me that the British are bizarre and kooky and weird until you stop being insane with your syrup useage.

Whoa, "Maerican"? I just invented a rad new mythical nationality.

I meant American, obvs.

They've got a lot of trees I suppose.

got to do something with all the goddamn syrup.

I thought 'Maerican' was you trying to reproduce how a redneck might say this.

...or one of the characters from 'Team America-World Police'...

'Maerica...FUCK YEAH!

Another variation is "Merkin."

...which gets dragged through the breakfast eggs!
will the circle, be unbroken?

I'm glad you pointed this out because I thought you said Mexican, and I was going to start talking about Mexico.

The people of the Democratic People's Republic of Maerica are charming and friendly, with a few notable eccentricities, like their propensity to pour sugared syrup on any breakfast food, their abhorrence of any and all metal currency, and their soul-crushing bureacratic socialist governors.

(Seriously why the fuck do hideous dictatorships even try the whole "no seriously guys we're totally democratic" naming scheme? You're not fooling anyone. You're like that one asshole wolf who heard about the "wolf in sheep's clothing" thing and tried wearing a dead half-a-lamb as a hat.)

Aww, I'm only averse to metal currency because I have Nickel contact dermatitis! My hands swell up and get all blotchy-looking if I handle the stuff for too long. :(

Mmm.. nothing better than bacon with syrup. Fortunately I don't really count as an American. Or, ya know, a Maerican.

You aren't Maerkin? Aren't you in Kansas? That's as statesy as it gets...

Also, Hecci, I'm with you. Syrup is a sweet thing. I can see a tiny glaze on bacon before baking it, but slathering that shit all over savory foods is criminal. People, a Brit has pointed out a dumbass thing in our eating. We need to fix this.

I'm an import. And it's funny, "Maerkin" is exactly as "American" is pronounced in my state...

I'm just south of your state, and I love the term. I am actually surprised it was a misspelling. It is exactly as our president pronounces it. Also, I've got my eye on you, terr'ist.

Merca's the finest country in the whole wurl, even better than Yurp cuz we got the Mercan constitution cuz we love freeman moxy, not like fananimalist fnadics and terrsts who hate freeman moxy and love terrr

There is something better! In Portland, there is a donut shop where you can get a donut with maple syrup glaze and real bacon on top. It is glorious!!

That's it, I'm going to Portland. I would nom the hell out of that.

The place is called Voodoo Donuts, their signature piece is a person-shaped donut that is filled with raspberry filling. It comes with a little pretzel stick so you can poke it. Also, they are open 24/7 and you can get married there if you want.

There is a AAA minor league baseball team somewhere in the country-- I forget which one, though I'm sure Google would tell me if I cared enough-- which serves a double bacon cheeseburger.

On a Krispy Kreme bun. The entire burger was somewhere around 1700 calories.

Baseball team? Cheeseburger?

Dear. God. I. Am. etc.

Ain't that America - You and me
Ain't that America - Home of the free

Giant-ass heart attack burgers, for you and me

I don't know anyone who does this, hecci. Personally, I put syrup on pancakes, waffles, or on the extremely rare occasions I eat it, french toast. Now, some syrup may get on the eggs or bacon or whatnot if they're on the same plate, but I don't do it deliberately.

Everyone I've ever known puts syrup on their bacon.

That is because you know people of Class, loneal

Heccibiggs? odei?

It starts out that way. The syrup waffles accidentally gets on the edges of your bacon or sausage. And then . . . you start to like it. You start to really like it. And then it starts happening more and more on purpose than by accident. And before you know it--you're a full-on syrup on breakfast meats fiend.

i meant the syrup on your waffles. der.

Syrup sausage is delicious. Retract!

I have never seen anyone do this, though I could just be hanging out with sane people.

Syrup is rather tastylicious with sausage and bacon.
Syrup is good with most any kinds of breakfast meat.
I even put it with my corned beef and hash on occasion.
However it is nasty as with eggs.
Also it stems from us not having enough culture in our fooding to apply restraint to things.

Dude, syrup and eggs sounds disgusting, but don't you EVER knock syrup and sausage or bacon until you've tried it

Coronary rods?

so basically, what you're trying to say is, what you're getting at... you will never, ever, lay hands on a burrito.

for shame...

My roommates are vegetarians, so I've had nothing but Facon and Soysage vittles.
I've gone and lived with Vittles Bitches. Fuck if it's my own comeuppance.

I think it's still true. You weren't supposed to even think about eating the fish out of the river for ages. PCBs and all thanks to an upstream GE plant.

Where do you live? I'm in Ossining, a diverse community village thriving with hard-working eugh. We have neither a movie theater nor a bookstore.

I'm in Port Chester, where we have a huge theater and a tiny bookstore.

Neither movie theater nor book store, but you do have Sing Sing, maximum security prison and source of popular phrases "up the river" and "the Big House".

I've noticed people from Ossining recoil from mentioning that aspect of their little river town. How Come?

Oh--I brag. Example:

Where you from?
Ossining.
Oss-?
Have you ever watched Law & Order? You know Sing Sing?
AW! SHIII-
yup.

Gets me laid every time.*

*It actually does not do this

teodor, turn in your zester.

Man, T should have known not to get all foodie-douche on Beef's big day.

True dat. Beef gets by one food-fondling sonofabitch, only to run into another one.

The next carbon footprint that Teodor has to worry about will be when Beef crushes out a cigarette, then kicks...his...ASS!

He's just a small bear who's hung like a cranberry, don't be too down on him

hehe, I love the "mycenaean beef and welsh lobster." although...lobster? am I missing something?

It was either that or aeolian cock, and he really preferred some seafood on the menu as opposed to fowl.

Oh man, "aeolian" was part of one of my LiveJournal usernames way back when. I've never heard it used in any context, ever. I personally found it by doing a Google search for "cool words".

harps?

Aeolian and aioli are not especially related.

Cabbage Patch Kids and patchouli oil? How about that? Because my doll-juicer is really underperforming and I just blew a huge opportunity at Bonaroo.

Is a cat/bear/otter okay with eating a quail or a lobster? Or even a cow, for that matter.

...I never considered this until now

All of those animals eat meat, don't they? Cats eat whatever they can get their hot little paws on, bears will eat anything from fish to people, and otters dine on shellfish. I think they're probably down with whatever Teodor could whip up.

I'm just thinking about the ones that have friends who are bears and tigers and robots. Where does the line get drawn?

I think it gets drawn at animals that can't talk.

Magreaux dogs are somewhat of an exception to this - they can talk (after a fashion) but they are not suitable as friends.

Jesus titty-fucking christ, I just found the Magreaux dog bit. I had forgotten how much I loved that arc. Thank you, sir.

This is a good rule, and I endorse it.

Nope, fish talk.

Yeah, but Barry's a jerk, and if he's indicative of all fish kind they deserve to be eaten.

Congratulations! You are the Thirty Millionth person to bring up the fact that the anthropomorphic characters in this strip sometimes behave like humans!

"I don't know guys, would a cat really drink a beer and speak English like that?"

me:

Now, i would love a ticket to somewhere where they strangled "THAT".

THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE LIKE O>K> HAHA IM REAL FUNNY GUY LETS ALL GIVE ME CHUBBYS AND YOU CHUBBY HIM LIK REATRDS AND YALL NEED TO JUST STOP RIDIN ON CHRIS ONTSDAS DICK IM SAYIN EVERYBODY JESUS EVERIBODY CANT WE GET ALONG PEACEFULY JESUS?????

AND ANYWAYS CATS DONT DRINK BEER SO JUST SHOWS HOW SMART YOU ARE DUMBASS GOD ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHY PEOPLE HATE AMERICA!

oh sorry my bad my caps lock was on nd i didnt even reilize lol

Why are you so angry today, yearsinclaws?

I was merely busting the lads balls a bit but it seems the fellow is quite mad.

The guy further down the page deserved it though.

years is all shakin, just consumed by frustration and lashin out like an octopus with a cat-o-nine in each hand. He made a point, but with the subtly and demeanor of a live volcano.

And word: Onstad does not give a fuck about the strip ratings because even the vets don't rate them.
PS that zombie baby thing was sickeningly badass. Alan Moore?

Neil Gaiman.

http://www.btmon.com/Other/Comics/Neil_Gaiman_s_Sandman.torrent.html

What could be missing about a lobster?

You are missing the fact that lobster is delicious.

I imagine there could be lobsters off the coast of Wales.

The animosity between Beef and Teodor seems to be growing, this, I think, will become an issue at the wedding.

Just wait until Teodor sees the bridesmaid dress Beef picked out for him.

Oh dang.
Not a burn, so much as a searing fire.
Chub'd.

Seriously, they've been pretty testy with each other for a while now.

Thanks for the "soap opera" reminder that Teodor has smutty thoughts about Molly.

I used to eat uncle Ben's rice with ketchup when I was a kid, is that bad?

No, it just maybe means you come from Circumstances.

Or you really like ketchup. It's not a bad thing (I hope)

So long as you know that in some places, asking for ketchup is grounds for murder, and that you never put it on Filet Mignon. I have a friend who always orders his steaks extra well done and drowns them in ketchup, not unlike Bensington Butters

It is mainly a thing of people who do not like food that is not sweet.

Well no shit you don't put ketchup on a good steak... I grew up in Texas, I'll have you know!

Just as a personal rule. if it's not on the steak when it's grilling (salt, pepper, garlic, maybe some lime on a strip or skirt steak) it doesn't go on at all (exception for mushrooms). Basically, ketchup goes on burgers and not much else, I feel that even fries are better put with mustard.

If I saw one of my friends ketchup a steak, I don't know what I'd do.

Oh yeah, I'd say "don't do that". I remember now.

I think burgers should be dressed with A-1, personally.
And when you make them, they should contain a few tablespoons of olive oil and minced shallots and a tiny bit of fresh thyme. Mmm.

ive gotten into the habit of brushing on a mix of Sriracha and Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce while my burgers are cooking, and after doing so it is essentially unnecessary to get any sauce up in (with an exception, perhaps, for a very mild and basic mayonnaise for extra moisture). Bufalo Chipotle sauce also works wonders with basically any cut of beef, ive found; haven't tried it with steak yet (mostly out of incredible respect for steak).

I have found that the key to a good burger is to add minced garlic and onions, a tablespoon of stone ground mustard, some crumbled bread, and an egg. Then you fry them with a little bit of BBQ sauce or tamari. The result is glorious!

Ketchuping one's food is only suitable for most food, which is bland. A special flavorful steak I will deign to eat as prepared.

Yogi Bear once exclaimed that he likes "A lotta ketchup on [his] mig-nonnies!" and was then chased to the top of the Eiffel Tower by an incensed French chef.

circumstances and childhood are always acceptable excuses for eating low

Oh shit, It was childhood circumstances. Another favourite food was a raw potato with salt sprinkled on it.
I was very very poor, but I also didn't know any better.
I thought ketchup on rice was gourmet, which i pronounced "gor-met"

Just so long as it wasn't Hunt's ketchup.

FLIP

oh, I got it. But thank you.

heck no, it was Heinz 57.

I've squinted and stared but I cannot figure out your icon nor why I feel so tingly and wrong after staring at it for so long.

Lazors shooting out of his finger-goggled eyes. Also, you are a perv, and I will comfort you

Oh, I thought it was one of those super-wrinkled dogs. Now you've ruined it.

***Translation: He will finger-goggle you.

eww gross lol

OH!

I've been wondering too, and, um, my guess was absolutely nowhere near your explanation. I thought it was something, uh, horribly inappropriate.

Dammit, I am not a dude. And this was the closest to handface I could get.

You mean your hands will only go into that position when they get near your face?

Every damn time!

How in the heck do you brush your teeth?

Not at all! Ketchup that bitch, I always say.

You're hard-selling that lycopene, arentcha?

Ain't want prostate cancer, and I like the cute lycopene illustration on the Heinz bottle.

Teodor is catering a metaphor, not a restaurant.

Restaurant? Oh no.
Wedding reception... I meant... JESUS...

What did you do? :(

The Wedding Reception

You do a :( whilst catering your friends wedding reception...

Throw down your apron, a look of fear and disgust on your face, then run towards the oven screaming: MY SOUFFLES!!

right right, pistols at dawn!

I like to imagine all the different things Roast Beef could be looking at in panel three.

A nude photo of Pauly Shore, for example.

I'm trying to work out whether replying to the strip without reading the strip is to be expected and therefore cannot be condemned or whether it is the worst fucking thing in the world...

I'm in the "worst fucking thing in the world" camp. The only purpose one would have in doing so is for FIRST POST shenanigans.

How right you are. I have wasted my life :(

What is going ON with Teodor's eyebrows in panels six and eight?!

The big thing that upsets Beef is actually the cake, which is so bad that we don't even see what it is.

"Fudgie" the Whale Ice-Cream Cake -
Madagascar dry cocoa fudge and ice-cream hand churned by Bangladeshi children using Greenland blue glacial ice, all stuffed inside a harpooned Norwegian miske whale.

With kangaroo-milk cream whipped into barnacles on his skin.

Basically this sounds like my impression of the back room of the Movenpick franchise in Gulshan 2, Dhaka. But hey, it's only 65 taka per scoop!

Dry cocoa fudge and ice-cream hand?

It is hard to masturbate with an ice cream hand, and even harder to walk with ice cream legs.

What the hell else did Beef expect?

I think he was expecting reasonably fancy, but any food that includes more than 1 or 2 adjectives and quotations marks are well beyond normal

Not from Teodor

I don't think it'd be too far out for him to assume that his friend would understand his tastes, especially for his wedding.

It's Teodor

Teodor's culinary ego vs. Roast Beef's sense of sustenance.
Fight

C'mon guys lawbot doesn't have many more font options to make his point more clear GET IT ALREADY

Nazareth is a well-known exporter of almonds and Jesuses.

And they rock too!

Oh, and I think the plural of Jesus is Jesi

It depends on the root language, it might also be Jesodes. (pronounced Jeez-uh-deez)

Jesodes! What news from the north?

(I'm so, so sorry)

The only thing you should be apologizing for is not writing that in all caps, and bold.

I'm still laughing at that...

Take the scurillous knave, sever his pickers and stealers, suspend them in aspic! Wer't that I had the bearing of PUMJESTICLES as he pummeled Gladi8orex 'pon Ilios' shore, then villain youre crime would be doubly punished.

Well, it's not.

It would be "Jesi" if "Jesus" was a Latin second declension noun, which it's not. It would be "Jesodes" if "Jesus" was a Greek third declension noun, which it's also not. "Jesus" is just the English version of the Greek version of the Aramaic name "Yeshua," so the plural can be nothing but "Jesuses."

Thank you little piggy! You know hella grammar.

I still love that god's name as written in hebrew had no vowels, so the name of god is actually Y_H W_H Which means his name could be... Wahu Yahu! Or.. Yeh Woh...

The mind boggles at my stupidity!

Note: The actual name of God was supposed to be sacred and this never said. All the names are euphemisms or references, like "Lord."

Point to Pogo. But if I remember right, nobody ever called their feudal 'lord', the same word they called the 'lord' god?

Don't forget the Hebrew god El and his son Baal and the rest of the Elohim. They wouldn't like that.

YHWH all runnin' in late, pretending "What Elohim, who the fuck're that?"

Also note: Hebrew has no vowels, ever, anywhere.

Well, kinda. The aleph, ayin, and vav are kinda pseudo-vowels, plus there are diacritical marks, but I suppose those didn't appear in the original Bible, though they appear in it now.

It isn't to say that vowels aren't in the language (that would be difficult to speak), but they are kinda implied in the written form. Turns out they really aren't all that required for good language.

There are, however, a few key terms in the Bible that can be translated differently depending on which vowels are inserted, so I've heard. And if you've ever had your vowels inserted, you know what pain is!

The dots/marks are the vowels! I mean, you don't really use them in regular writing, since by the point you are fluent enough to be writing and reading stuff you have to just sort of figure out what is meant by the context if there is a word that can be either of two word depending on the vowels (I've never heard the marks called any different) For example:

means big, and

means grew. So if you came across this word in a hebrew book written without vowels (As most of them are), you would basically make the brain connection yourself depending on whether the word is used as a noun or a verb.

Oh, by the by: The first word is pronounced gah-DOL, and the second is pronounced gee-DEL (Not like "Gee Whiz, Batman!", a hard G)

A scholar and a babe, nice going, my daughter.

Or Jehovah (sound of heads exploding)!

Roast Beef was plain -out- of order.

I am putting a notice here that anyone who responds to one of AIU's many renames will be lamed. If it really looks like you have no idea who you are talking to, I might not lame you, and if you are Edwell, then go nuts. Mocking him or trying to reason with him isn't going to work, laming him doesn't work. You must starve a troll, and I'm going to work to discourage people from egging him on. I'll start tomorrow, since today wouldn't really be fair. I hope to get a few others to help out (I know Pogo is with me on this one).

I feel like we need a "We Are The World"-type benefit song, to raise awareness about the Ignore feature.

There comes a time, when you heed a certain call
To click IGNORE USER on AIU
and not read his garbage at all....

Got your back, 'Bot. We must discipline the troll feeders.

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