Doesn't Ray slip on a roller skate, and maybe injure Roast Beef, at one point? I'm having trouble finding this particular comic.

Yep, Ray is pretending to be Tony Soprano and waving his piece (gun ,that is) around, slips on a rollerskate and shoots Beef.

I think it's Beef's first in-strip shooting (and he goes to hospital, not heaven), though when emailing Corliss in the next strip he includes a 'PS' which suggests it has been a reasonably common experience over the years.

I don't know, Copeland had a pretty malicious glint in his eye.

Yeah. And he stole Appalachian Spring's 7th movement from Weezer ("variations on a Shaker theme").

Still, Billy the Kid gets ya right here.

In the back. Billy was a backshooter.

Yes he was. No courage at all.

In my experience it takes slightly more courage to attempt to go after someone from behind. Especially when they aren't expecting it.

fancypants is glad pass it on

Dude, this is what assetbar is all about: tangents and tangents of tangents. Welcome aboard.

I thought for a second there'd be a whole religious-themed pun thread formin'.

Someday...

I don't think that's exactly right.

AFAIK, Einstein knew that Germany had a fairly advanced atomic research program and was more or less convinced that they would develop atomic weapons at some point in the war.

He was wrong about that (and according to some reports we have a small band of courageous Norwegians and their guerrilla war against heavy water manufacturing to thank for this), but it seems like a fairly rational judgement - if atomic weapons are going to exist, it's better that the Nazis aren't the sole owner/operators.

Yeah, that's right. He still advocated developing them, and only after he learned of the devastation wrought in Japan did he wholeheartedly regret writing to FDR in support of the USA's nuclear program.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05092005

Ya know this all started out as a conversation about Michael Jackson...

Quote:

Hey therealsnazzle, that's not cool. I chubbied your first comment 'cause I thought you were starting something.

u got 2 b startin somethin

Just tell him to beat it.

How the fuck is fancypants' second comment worthy of even one lame? Some people...

How can you say you're perfectly happy in one sentence and then Life just sucks in the next?

I'm perfectly happy knowing that life sucks.

That's different.

Potato, Potato.

Dag, yo, you make an excellent point. Here's a chubby, one of my firsts!

And I'm REALLY sorry for double commenting. I know it's a real snafu.But thanks for the welcome, fancypants, it's much appreciated.

Oh my god this is beautiful, where's Arrrrthur, he'd love this...

I definitely see where you're coming from there, jeffspaulding, and I also believe that the most important part of any sort of metaphysical belief is the spiritual impulse- the attempt to sense some transcendent presence in the universe. However, I've always found that religious ritual is a good way to gain and nurture that connection, rather than a mere "system of behavioral rules."

The widespread use of ritual in almost every even remotely successful religion seems to bear out the idea that the empty legalism of so much religious dogma does have a spiritual impulse behind it. Perhaps it's the way we're supposed to contact this force, perhaps it's just a form of self-hypnosis. Either way, I know that my spiritual feeling generally grows stronger when I'm regularly attending church. And if it is just a sort of self-hypnosis, well, I know people who've really managed to improve their quality of life with hypnosis.

Lapsed Catholics, on the other hand, tend to be pretty down-to-earth, rational, and extremely skeptical of 'the routine'. IME.

Yes. I should have mentioned my "lapsed" status.

Don't forget the radical priests of the 1960's that left their pulpits to minister to the disenfranchised (many were defrocked for doing exactly what Jesus would have done).

I think that was the skull's. He couldn't believe what he was seeing there.

also missed the plaster map of south america on the wall

what a strange, strange man

Where do you think his drugs come from? South America.

Also, Rape

Also that scented candle, which represents homosexuality.

Man... that guy got some issues

You marvelous bastard you.

That's a freebase skull.
It's for later.

That's my kind of savior. Jesus never did heroin for my sins.

Then again, my Jesus never had a spider tattoo on his left arm.

What the fuck, people.

So I guess you're not too into transcendental meditation.

How do you know?

His avicon is yelling so hard. He must know.

I'm with skeptic.

Because there is nothing remotely scientific to support the fantastic hypothesis that the soul lives forever; it's clearly an idea developed to make you feel better about life (those ideas are usually bullcrap) and I don't think most people have enough personal will and imagination to live for the 100 years we already have, let alone be stuck about for eternity, jabbering about their new iphone and Paris Hilton. People utterly waste the short lives they have, why on earth do they think they deserve eternity?

Oh and the machine you are using to communicate with right now is one of the reasons why I homor the scientific method. Religion didn't crete no damn microchip technology; religion can't even cook good food.

Au contraire, my friend... clearly you have gone through your life without tasting of our lord's body, blood, and delicious meatballs.

I hate to break it to you, but pasta predates the flying spaghetti monster.

'Religion' shares a root with words like 'ligature' and 'ligament', with the same meaning of 'binding'.

Reli?

Not that I disagree with everything you're saying, but I feel like you're missing the upside of religion, which is, at its best, an encouragement for people to keep in mind the others in their community and a prod toward the very spiritual (or personal, or ethical) truths of which you're such a fan. Remember that we now live in a culture largely detached from the religions of old, and the surviving strains of religion tend to be more virulent and insane than their ancestors, which were checked by their need to reach a wider following. I guess what I'm saying is, it's easy to tear anything down on an Internet forum, but even religion has its benefits.

Yet as many atheist are mindfull of their community as religious people.

You can have this sense of community without faith in supernaturalism.

This is amazing, I love how one of my first posts just started a thing. Although it'd be rude of me to give credit entirely to myself.

Sure. I don't believe in anything supernatural, and I've never been to any kind of church service except funerals, etc. I'm just sick of people going online and saying, you know, "religion is always a tool of fascism and control, all religious people are either mind-controlled zombie retards or money-hungry manipulators..." Because it's such an easy conclusion, which ignores the myriad reasons why our ancestors "wasted" so much time on their religion. Belief in something bigger than oneself is a productive thing because, natural or supernatural, personal or impersonal, there is a Universe out there much bigger than any of its inhabitants. I'm not saying that without religion, the world suddenly goes to Hell. But if we throw out all the teachings of religion at once, good and bad, we do lose thousands of years of ethical and "spiritual" development without any clear replacement for them. "Spiritual" meaning mental, internal, personal. And a lot of the little Christopher Hitchenses out there seem, at least rhetorically, to want that to happen. Am I making sense?

I'm just trying to say the hardest thing possible to say on the Internet: "the issue's more complicated."

Well, yes, certainly it is more complicated than that, and I don't think that rational atheists think that all religions are tools for control or that all religious folk are zombie retards. I think that priests aren't deliberately lying to people (well, most of them), and that people just accept these things blindly. A lot of people are indoctrinated, however, and there are some kinda subtle brain-washing type things happening unconsciously by the religious society. Like if one says it is a sin to doubt. Or you mustn't associate with atheists, or associate with them. And they educate you when you are too young to be able to question these things, and then you can't unbelieve it when you get older because you have built you sense of meaning from this.
I disagree that we will lose thousands of years of ethical and "spiritual" development. I . .I don't know what to say about the spiritual thing, because I don't really know what it is. At least not from a non-religious point of view. Could it be some type of feeling associated with appreciating the beauty around you? What is it? You mential the adjectives :mental, internal, personal, but certainly you can be mentally, internaly and personally healthy without religion! I have no idea, and I don't see how that's been built up over the thousands of years, or how we need religion for that.
And ethical development. . .I just don't see it. Are we really more ethical than we were two thousand years ago?
How have we developed since then? Would we be so much worse off if religion had never existed. . .would there have been more wars and serial killers? I highly doubt that. If there has been development in morality, it has been due to pluralism. Cultures getting together and sharing their mores and people realizing that their moral code may not be the only valid one, and they started to re-examine them. Science began to show that their is no significant difference between races and genders, and that the Bible may not be true, and people began to re-examien the moral code contained within. Values such as gender roles began to decline out of necessity and cognitive dissonance and other values such as equality and fairness begin to take shape.
If anything, there has been more ethical development with the decline of religion.

All right, but it's unfair to respond to the closed-mindedness of religion with closed-mindedness against religion. Mankind can get on without the old religions, and ideally, maybe it should. But the billions of people who follow the old religions will tell you it's not because they've been indoctrinated. I guess what I mean about ethical and spiritual development doesn't have to do with warfare or the crime rate or many of the larger-scale examples of ethics, but with the prayers and meditative practices and social engineering that help normal people get by. These haven't all been studied, the good ideas haven't all been incorporated into the post-religion world, and if we just say it's all poppycock, they never will be. If you tell a religious person that it makes him less of a rational person than you, he'll be on the defensive. He may never see your side of things, he may just pronounce you an infidel.

It's one thing to say the good aspects of religion aren't worth the bad. It's another thing to say religion is so evil we should ignore the good aspects altogether, or that there never were any good aspects.

Certainly closed-mindedness is a bad thing for anybody to engage in. And while telling a religious person that he is a less rational person than me probably won't result in anything good, that doesn't mean I'm not right.
Which I may not be. Assuming that it is I who has the right thought processes and not the pious man, all this means is that I am the most rational when it comes to the question of God. He could be a brilliant mathematician, biologist, literary critic, whatever, and over-all a much brilliant man than I could ever hope to be.
As to ignoring the good aspects . . .what can I say? Here's a cup of apple juice and here's a cup of cyanide apple juice. Why speak the praises of the poison juice while a perfectly healthy cup stands right here? Does the poison juice offer some sort of advantage? Does it taste better? And if so, is that worth the death?

There is just this one little bit...

FUCK those who fucked MJ. Fuck you all.

Nice

Spot on!

also check out LaJoie's "Regular Everyday Normal Guy" two parter.

That would be, possibly, LISA MARIE Presley, not Priscilla. Dear God.

And Elvis. Don't forget Zombie Elvis.

Sometimes partying involves being laughably incorrect, irondave.

Neither is the chair, for that matter.

The man's off selling hell to heaven. St. Peter's all hooked in and every time Mays goes "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE" his heart jumps and flutters a bit, egarly waiting what else could come with eternal damnation.

I loved Billy Mays, but I have to admit his style would be served a lot better as a pitchman in Hell. Plus Billy would look pretty awesome in a bright red shirt, and with little red horns.

Yeah but I'm pretty sure it would be pretty easy to sell anything to someone surrounded by brimstone and probably sweaty fat people.

You misunderstand human nature a bit. Who more is looking for something new than someone who has everything? Surrounded by loved ones in eternal bliss, and an unbelievably happy man is telling you he knows how to make things better.

The reason heaven or hell is an option is the reason Billy Mays will be able to sell things in heaven.

The End! With Moral!

Actually there is ALOT to say!
Alot of funny things even....

But the first one that tried would be lamed to hell and back.

Onstad and Ray know how to Handle a Thing. It's that simple, and yet, so complicated.

Dig on how fast Philippe learns. Kid's a natural.

Its not what you think. Phillipe is just happy that Pat grabbed some sausage.

Actually, your description of events is pretty much exactly what we were thinking.

I can't help but think that deppelganger worded his comment that way deliberately, to facilitate innuendo. I think he just set you up.

oh christ achewood 34 on assetbar

Oh Christ, Achewood 34 on Assetbar!

ps. chubbied and would chubby again.

He's probably thinking the moonwalk is mad magical. That shit blew my young mind and still messes with my aged one.

He is terrified. Mom mentioned that her friend Joan had a stroke recently. Phillipe used the computer to look up stroke, and said that when you have one things start to become strange. Upon seeing Teadore walk backwards while appearing to walk forwards, Phillipe wonders if he just had a stroke. But he doesn't wonder what will happen to him, no. He just hopes that he runs off into the woods to be eaten by tigers, if only so his mother will not have to know two people who had a stroke.

The child is thinking he is dying, and yet all he can think of is his mother whom he loves.

Like a hasty clinch in an under-stair cupboard at the wake of a beloved elderly relative.

He told us all how to do it on the Simpsons. It is our own fault that we continue to fail.

Did you know that the moonwalk was invented by a Frenchman?

The moonwalk is 'man walking against the wind' a mime developed by Marcel Marceau.

Jackson himself attributed it to him.

And I think either Shields or Yarnell could do it too.

http://midnightman84.wordpress.com/2009/01/11/the-origins-of-michael-jacksons-trademark-moonwalk-dance/

Ah shit I forgot assetbar brooks no plusses.

Chubby for avatar-comment synergy/disynergy

With that joint Connie's mourning the only way a proper aficionado of music ought to.

Let's all take a metaphorical puff for MJ.

Huh. I would have thought strobe means go, all robotic and stuff. And blacklight means stop and check for any white on your clothing, etc.

Cornelius Bear, Cad Extra-Ordinaire.

Stone Cold Truth is the name of his game and the man is an All-Star.

Hey, don't you know this game is rigged?

Hey, don't you know, we're just products of our time and
Hey, what do you say, show me yours and I'll show you mine.

all my chubbies are belong to you.

That makes one. :P

He is not the Michael Jackson of my generation; that will probably be 50 Cent, Akon, or the like. Thus I mourn two-fold.

And by Michael Jackson, I of course meant Elvis. It is late at night and I have a paper due tomorrow that I have not yet begun.

You are right, and I am sad.

I've clung to the stars of the 60's to fill in for my missing 'Elvis'. Unfortunately there is always that creeping sense of recognition that soon these aging artists will begin to drop like flies much in the same way MJ did.

Hell, I already lived through the death of one Beatle, and he died not far from me.

All of the big groups of the 60s and 70s have had either one or two members die.

The Beatles? John and George.
Pink Floyd? Rick Wright.
Rolling Stones? They're all dead, they just haven't stopped moving yet.
Monty Python? Graham Chapman.

Me and my friend are in a terrible pool to see which one goes first (I've got Cleese) even though we can't stand to see any of them go.

Then again, they themselves probably have the same sort of thing going on.

It's gonna go Terry Jones>John Cleese>Michael Palin>Terry Gilliam>Eric Idle. Eric Idle will live to be 105, just to spite me.

I agree with Idle holding on for spite (he admits that he is the least kind Python). Palin's in the best shape though (or was at the time of his travelogues for BBC).

Gilliam is the next to go -- his lifestyle is the most unhealthy (e.g., the stress of fighting studios over every frame of art). Plus, all those marker fumes will catch up top him.

Idle is the most commercial. If this holds true that would also mean that Paul is the last Beatle. I do not endorse this one bit.

I saw Michael Palin in person. Dude's in great health, and his handshake nearly broke my fingers.

He must jog. Plus he's the type of dude who seems to do a lot of laughing, and that's always a boon to health.

What if our laughter breaks into tears?

You'd rather see Macca go before Ringo? Harsh, dude.

Pretty much. Plus he was the first to do a guest spot on the Simpsons... one which basically just has him being a fairly nice guy whose only real flaw is being a tad too polite to his fans. The rest would get around to doing it eventually, but Ringo was there first.

AHHHH stop it, both of you! It makes me physically ill to think about ANY of them dying but the Terrys(ies?) are two people that are NOT allowed to die until I get to hang out with them. They really need to know that at least one person likes them more than Eric Idle.

No worries! I met Terry Jones a couple months ago and he was sharp, fit and spry. And he managed to knock up his 20-something girlfriend a few years ago, so everything must be in working order.

You've forgotten The Who.

The Who?

Who?

Them?

No, Them:
[IMGS OFF]

Sic transit gloria mundi.

What, is she funny or something?

Egg?

Yes?

Weren't they the ones who started all that swine flu pandemic paranoia?

Fun fact: a man in my dad's office has swine flu.

Today my dad stayed home sick with flu-like symptoms.

Best to get it now before it gets all flesh-eating. Currently it's killing fewer people than water.

I've got Harry Callahan in my pool.

Quote:
Good line, but one of them DID die early on, guitarist Brian Jones, I think, floating in a pool. The licks were never the same.

McCartney took his time going after MJ... dude is playing the long game like a pro. We all know, however, that Ringo will be the last one. He will close the book on the Beatles and we will truly understand them then.

Don't forget that lousy back-up singer for Wings. He knocked her off with cancer.

No, that was MJ back when they were still friends before he bought the Beatles catalog. He showed us that he can turn into a car, clearly he can also give people cancer. This is a known fact.

No, that was MJ back when they were still friends before he bought the Beatles catalog. He showed us that he can turn into a car, clearly he can also give people cancer. This is a known fact.

He can also make you double-post even when you don't click twice. But... OMG! He's not the real MJ! We're all in danger.

Strong together, united forever?

...I think not.

I see... It was all a part of his ingenious plan to get Dr. Manhattan to leave Earth!

I do believe that Paul said recently (a few months back) that he wasn't interested in going after the rights to his music, since--for some reason--they were going to go back to him anyway.

Whoa. I wanted say "Two Beatles have died" but then I realized that perhaps you were born after 1980, because John Lennon has been dead for TWENTY-EIGHT PLUS YEARS and regular people are in fact that age and even younger. And then I was going to say something witty about changing my dating zone from "alive when Star Wars came out" to "alive when John Lennon died" but then I curled into a ball and wept.

It's so much easier to just use 'half your age plus 7'

Fuck that noise. If your age is accurate, we're the same generation, and I say MJ is still our Elvis. We sure as shit don't have anyone better, so let's just share him with our collective older sibling generation.

If you were born after 1988 then Michael Jackson is not your Elvis. I base this on being old enough to remember the feeling in the air during the 1996-97 HIStory World Tour.

I've no idea what you post-88 people listen to, but I feel I'm obliged to suggest someone. Perhaps your Elvis is Snoop Dogg?

Declan McManus is my Elvis.

sorry, MacManus

You better be fuckin' sorry.
[IMGS OFF]

You know what annoys me about tinypic.com? I have no idea who any celebrities are, and their filenames are no help at all.

Its Stephen Baldwin as "McManus" from The Usual Suspects

Man, he's like the really pathetic Baldwin now. That was his one cool thing. Now he's a washed-up toilet-bowl Christian fundamentalist.

It's Jacob from Lost. :P

Oh dang, is it? It totally looks like him...

[IMGS OFF]

MACMANERBURY!

I think Thom Yorke will be my Elvis.

Radiohead write some good songs and all, but man, Thom Yorke's singing is dogshit. I sometimes dream about how awesome Radiohead could be if their front-man had, like, one iota of vocal talent.

I'm sorry invidious, but we can't be friends anymore. :(

In the interest of supporting my view beyond sad emoticons, I will say this: have you never listened to Karma Police? Life in a Glass House? Reckoner??? HE HAS THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL, GODDAMMIT

To borrow a line from Spinal Tap, most of his singing on "OK Computer" could be described as "shit sandwich." Maybe it's because I was a music major in college and automatically hear every little flaw. But come on, Exit Music for a Film? Incredible song. Terrible, terrible singing. I'd be hard pressed to name a person not called William Hung that could do a worse job. I've heard random Joes at karaoke night with better tone quality and control of their pitches.

Doesn't knowledge suck? Ruins everything.

It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.

It goes to eleven.

It's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy I'm working on in D minor which is the saddest of all keys, I find. People weep instantly when they hear it, and I don't know why.
It's very nice.
You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of...
What do you call this?
Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".

I bought my friend this for his 18th birthday, not knowing what an awesomecore movie this is. I have never laughed so hard when that tiny stone-henge was lowered. I know I should be quoting it or something, but I've only seen it once, man.

Spinal Tarp

Wow. Are you fucking kidding me? Thom Yorke's not the greatest singer of all time or anything but he's really good, and has a great range. You, sir, possess a tin ear.

Thom Yorke is this generation's Sting. There I said it.

I look forward to the release of his new lute-heavy album based on the work of 16th century composer John Dowland.

In Soviet Russia the Thom Yorke is a lie.

I think the flaws and uniqueness to his voice are what make him stand out for us regular people.

The real reason we don't have an Elvis of our generation is that, with the huge saturation of artists on the scene, music is the easiest means of achieving a smug sense of superiority that you don't really deserve, something we humans love to do. Way back when, the popular music was the music that everyone loved. Now, the popular music is the most ridiculed, because we've all convinced ourselves that we're better than that. There can be no sacred cows in this generation of music. Maybe it will change in the future!

Radiodread solves that problem... I swear if it weren't for reggae cover bands the 90's would have been a complete waste of my time.

Frikkin' David Bowie, man. He's gonna live forever.

David Bowie: Angel or Satan?

He is definitely one or the other, but I can never quite determine which. Either way, yeah, he's an immortal. Don't go into any car parks alone with him.

God

But God is Alanis Morissette!

That's ironic.

Close, but you're way off. He's actually an Agent.

I hope he does. Should the day of Bowie's death ever come, it will be the first celebrity death to truly affect me on a really emotional and personal level.

My Elvis is brokeNCYDE.

Hey, stay in character.

I was born the year Thriller came out, but I think it still counts. He was ubiquitous. I am deeply shaken. As the child of deadheads, I can only say it's like the day Jerry died.

Jerry Lewis died?

What a fuckin' week!

I don't know about you, but I don't remember Michael Jackson ever being famous for a good reason. I just remember him being crazy,and everyone talking about how crazy he was.

But you are a year older and wiser, and maybe you were much more dialed in to the music scene than I was in elementary school.

I am more than one year old and wiser than both of you and I also do not remember him being famous for anything other than Bad Touch--or at least, Bad Touch was was always very strongly associated with him.

That's the Bloodhound Gang.

Even with the typo it is still grammatically and logically correct.

This is because you are both from the wrong generation. Even Wingspan you're clearly from just over the line. Back in the day when you could actually see the dude's videos on MTV he was pretty much famous for being, well, quite good and with some great videos. "Beat It", for example, has not only an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo, but was directed by monkey-fighting Scorsese. "Thriller" had a cameo from Vincent Price doing some spoken word and wasn't just a video (directed by John Landis with effects by Rick Baker because if you're going to turn into a werewolf on film you get the director of the best werewolf film ever made and the makeup artist responsible for a transformation scene that still hasn't been topped), it was a goddamn fucking event every time it came on. "Billie Jean" made it look like the dude was breaking laws of physics and had those cool light-up tiles. Hell, even moving on to "Smooth Criminal" and he holds a patent for the little heel things that let him lean waaaay the fuck over.

Michael Jackson was legitimately famous for a wide host of reasons. He just... well, pop stopped being relevant after the late 80s and it honestly hasn't ever really come back. He lost his niche and that was that. Same thing happened to Elvis since Onstad already made the comparison.

Wait, I was mistaken, Scorsese directed "Bad".

It's okay dude.

Wait, I was mistaken, Scorsese directed "Bad".

Nah man, really, it's fine.

I know the dude originally got his fame from being insanely talented, I'm just saying I'm not old enough to remember the time before allegations about him kind of overshadowed his talent in media coverage.

On a moderately related note (related to your post in any case), you might be just as frustrated as I am to learn that a remake of An American Werewolf in London could be on the horizon. It's quite possibly my favorite movie ever and I'm not so sure if Zac Efron (or whoever the get to do it) and overdone CGI will add a lot to the story.

Stick to the path.

I guess I just have a cooler family than you or Mystk, because ever since I was 5, I knew him as the dude who did Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough or Beat It. Shit be part of my childhood.

So fuck it. Maybe he's not my generation's Elvis, but he's still MY Elvis.

gigs, it is no contest. you most definitely have a cooler family.

exhibit A: The new Eagles album currently in my Dad's CD player.

Anywho, I am glad you get to have an Elvis... or maybe I am sad for you(?). I'm happy there's a musician you can connect so much to, and sad you had to lose him. I am also on so so much caffeine, and I just wrote the shittiest essay of my life for my online class at the local community college. Long story short, it is bad for me to be on the internet right now.

God, MJ and Auto-Tune all at once. Talk about a one-two punch, God. Now what music are we going to listen to?

Waves Tune, convincing people they can sing since at least a few years ago.

Microsoft Songsmith.

Teodor is actually moonwalking on roller skates. How else could he pull that shit off?

Conveyor belt. Tism. Look it up.

jesus, connie, not even one ounce of compassion?

Only a part of us died. Compassion demands death. Connie is rightly compassionate towards Michael, and rightly wise towards Beef and Teodor.

Which is more compassionate, to share important truths with your friends, or confirm them in their comfortable delusions?

Hoo hoo.

Ts-AH

Eee-Hee

You just know Philippe is continuously moonwalking for the rest of the day.

He is also moonwalking badly like every five year old in the 1980s.

"And he was singing,
'Bye, bye, Miss American Pie...'

Guess it is The Day the Music Died.

As a former A Train regular, I can safely say that everyday is "no rules" day on the NYC subway.

Right in the baby-maker!

COMBO BREAKER!

Dammit... this page needs infinite chubbies. I'm all out.

v-chub until they get refreshed.

*snap snap*

Man, I'm 24 and MJ isn't even close to being my generation's Elvis... even though I do remember Thriller, but there's no magic there for me.

Still and all, when somebody's Elvis dies, you bow your head and you say "Goddamn" and you pour one out, like a man ought.

To Michael Jackson, may he rest in peace, moonwalking his way through the hereafter, and when ol' Saint Pete asks his name at the Pearly Gates, MJ will say, "Baby, don't tell me you never heard of Michael. OW!", and grab his own crotch with a white-gloved hand.

We never realized that we actually loved him all this time. We never got to tell him how we really felt. If only we had tried maybe we wouldn't all feel so damn guilty.

We slammed the door on Michael and moved away to the coast and only now are we realizing what our actions have bought us, but we can't ever take it back.

Incidentally, if he's our Elvis what is his "In the Ghetto"?

Stranger in Moscow?

What is the one with MJ standing in a denuded forest with crying South American Indios?

24? Yeah, you're too young.

It's... it's so beautiful...

bahahaha

mikeal jaxin was an true hero ;_;

Popped her clogs. Shoot the boots. Loose the shoes. I love it.

YOU LEAVE PRINCESS DI ALONE, APERSON, YOU MEANY.

[IMGS OFF]

I always wondered why he's in some sort of blanket-based structure. Does he walk around in a tent? A make-believe fort? Or does he traipse around in a sheet like a halloween ghost, shouting "BOOOOooo leave Brittany alone"?

It's a brown paper bag.

i tried to lame you for making me see this but i couldnt so FUCK OFF

What infuriated me about that was not that Princess Di got metric ass-tons of media attention, but that it utterly overshadowed Mother Theresa's death. And of those two, I rather think that Mother T deserved a bit more than she got.

She didn't get any while alive either (bein' a nun and all).

...But in Latin, they spelled Jackson with an 'I'...

MIC. IACSON

You don't have to wind your watch back. You have to get a new bloody watch!

I had "Billie Jean" on when I came to see if this was up yet. You dance, Philippe... you just dance.

Cornelius also worries me. I fear my generation has no Elvis. I'll have to latch on to Paul McCartney, and that won't be the same. :(

The only game in town.


Damn Onstad. Damn.

Billy Mays, too.

It's okay, hes with God now.

BILLY MAYS HERE. ARE THOSE PEARLY GATES OF YOURS NOT LOOK SO PEARLY ANYMORE? JUST SPRAY ON SOME ORANGEGLO AND WATCH THE SHINE AND LUSTER COME BACK. JUST $19.95!! CALL NOW AND I'LL EVEN THROW IN AN EXTRA BOTTLE AND A SUPER SHAMMY. BEING THE FATHER OF ALL CREATION, I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU A BOTTLE OF KABOOM WITH YOUR ORDER. CALL NOW.

If Caps Lock is cruise control for cool, Billy Mays was the coolest. He will be missed.

Seriously , Billy Mays's story is a sad one of a man trying to sell produce on TV, sometimes getting laughed off without reason. A greath man with a big voice, a contagious enthusiasm and a big, big heart.

Follow THIS, camera guy! *KRAKT*

Nah, it was the Slap Chop guy trying to make a name for himself by taking down the old establishment.

Check this! It sucks the life right out of them! No mess, no fuss.

Never heard of him until yesterday.

And the best beard anywhere. That shit was JET BLACK.

So unnaturally dark it might as well have been neon pink.

I would mark my life a success where my gravestone to read "Everyone is yelling and everything is clean" followed by a sepia lithograph of Lyle in a suit giving the hardest finger he could. Take that, world.

Barry Scott is my Billy May.

Guess you don't play blubbering self-pity filtered through a wah-wah?

So I guess Ray's personal musings are free, now? At least, I think it was subscriber only before.

Also, check Roast Beef's wildly oscillating eyebrows in the last three panels.

nasa needs funding

shuttle plan

I hate it when I laugh and then hate myself for laughing.

i get like this when i jerk off over bukkake except substitute laughing for jerking off over bukkake

Cornelius has thought about death daily for the past two decades. He has harsh yet bracing words to dispense on the event of any significant death. You should hear the speech he prepared for the contingency that the Large Hadron Collider at Cern loosed a cloud of hegemonising stranglets toward North America. It would ensure that all who heard it faced the imminent apocalypse with backbone, stiff upper lip, and a certain measure of wry amusement.

I prefer a certain measure of Rye amusement.

[IMGS OFF]

That is the only beverage that makes Old Overholt taste good.

Cornelius smokes reality.

And shits existential dread.

And farts ennui.

He digests the assailable emotions.

This was better when it wasn't obviously one guy's multiple accounts.

They're all separate individuals. They orchestrated this on the shadow-board where all the trolls hang.

You should join - we trade recipes and Star Trek fanfic.

Ah... a hive mind.

Someday they will all change their avatars back to whatever they were, and this will be incomprehensible to posterity. For the ephemerally challenged people of the future, goldhat through clamenza changed their avatars to a single letter each, spelling out "FUCK YOU!" in some italic script. But clamenza may have the wrong typeface because the exclamation point is not inclined to the right. Then it looks like they chubbied one another to fill an entire screen with an ill-gotten green background.

Good historical recording there. But Spoiler: a few strips later it is confirmed to be one dude with multiple accounts.

Well played. V-chubs all around.

Why am I only alloted one lame.
*sigh*

well, that's because your trollerskates just got their training wheels taken off. Instead of just laming and taking the easy way, you must actually troll them with your post and induce butthurt in others

it happens when Assetbar deems you a Successful enough troll to do it yourself

I love aperson too!

awww
you changed

[IMGS OFF]

Wow

There's that woman eating that old lady's hair, again. She's munchin' it like cotton candy.

I'm more concerned about the Betty Page look-alike on the right who appears to be having a fit to the beat of Snakefinger's The Man in the Dark Sedan.

I like the woman in the third row, eating that guy's head like corn on the cob. And one row back, there's another woman just ripping out dainty little chunks o' brain. It's zombie-licious!

Who da hell?

Hey...no laming. I was "who da hell"-ing the above "FUCK YOU" post that has now become Love. Jeez.

Looks like hackzorz to me. Would be better as "Love Me", though.

The man excels at the stabbing of hearts and the crushing of souls. That he does it with a javeline wrought of words, and from the hip at that, is but a indulgence.

AHH OH MY GOD Peter Serafinowicz linked this comic in his Twitter! He reads Achewood! A famous person that I like reads Achewood! I'm so very very psyched.

Oh yeah, uh, MJ, cry weep mourn.

THAT IS VERY VERY COOL. And also I must now go spend some time reading his Twitter.

His tweets are also generally hilarious, which is nice.

Lookin forward to the MJ interview on Radio Afterlife.

Oh my goodness what if he's on Assetbar right now!

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER FOR LOOK AROUND YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON.

that. was. cold.

Alright, maybe the bottom half was worth it. No, it totally was. Those of you that haven't been listening to MJ all weekend should get started on that.

Dammit Cornelius, you know your not supposed to watch any Ingmar Bergman films this late at night! You know this!

Yes.

P cool comic IMHO. I feel like Onstad plagiarized me. We are facebook friends, and I made a status mentioning how MJ is the Elvis of our generation. But I do not mind that I am plagiarized.
I love his nonchalant smokedness.

MJ himself thought that he was the Elvis of our generation. Thus the "King" moniker and the (symbolic/politcal) marriage to the King's daughter.

Shit... he married the Emperor's daughter. Shit.

[/Dune]

Billie Jean was a concubine and, as such, even if the child was demonstrably his he would have no legal rights of inheritance.

I'm sorry sje, but you don't really believe that he got the idea from you, right? People have been drawing that comparison since before sje.

Meh. I doubt it personally. Maybe he didn't remember it until he saw my facebook status? I don't know/care.

Well you better start knowing/caring, young man! Your apathy is killing this board!

I hacked sje's FB account.

His inbox is full of love letters from Onstad.

I'm just going to 5 and leave the strip.

I'm in the only game in town now.

i dont think michael jackson was my elvis

im too young

who is the elvis of the generation Y?

Notorious B.I.G. is all i can think of

it's Prince, don't b stupid