Roast Beef's Mom Shoots His Dad

Roast Beef's Mom Shoots His Dad 06/30/2005 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Like a dude who has just heard his dad get shot really cares if the J-cups were real or not

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It's a wonder Beef is as together as he is. I admire that cat.

Little icon of Philippe ... this is the saddest thing.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Damn. Some strips are just hard to read in the context of a humor website.

yeah this and the Drew Weing guest strip are a little much for me

"Its not humor its character development"

Man.

Corliss and Darryl Kazenzakis, and their "son" Cassandra.

When you have handles such as these you are pretty much guaranteeing that the train will derail before it's out of the station.

Don't forget Cassandra's brother, Michael "Showbiz" Kazenzakis.

Do you think that these names are inspired by the Outsiders?

I don't know, but I do think that Beef's life has the makings of a shitty Johnny Cash-knock off murder ballad in there.

The ballad will not address that "Cassandra" is a dude.

"Boy Named Cassandra" just doesn't have the ring like "Boy Named Sue" does.
Cassandra is harder to rhyme.

blander
coriander
belt-sander
the permutations are far from limitless

Blander, coriander, and belt-sander do all rhyme with one another, but what's that got to do with "Cassandra"?

Country music is far too literal to deal in slant-rhyme.

I ain't not no Johnny Cash.

Before you typecast country rhymes
You should listen to more John Prine.

I love John Prine. He's among my favorite folk/bluegrass musicians.

I'm warning you. I am prepared to write 10000 words on why John Prine can be legitimately classified as country in addition to, or even rather than, bluegrass.

I am prepared.

The threat of a scholarly 10,000 word treatise on the distinguishing characteristics of country music is an effective one. Rather than delve into that, I'll just back down now.

I didn't actually threaten scholarship, but I assure you, it would be bad nonetheless.

I was a low-down, batshit drunk meanderah.
All cause mom named me Cassandra.

"Far from limitless" is how I'm going to start describing a person's positive virtues to their face just to see if they're smart enough to be insulted.

I see this and the first thing I want to do is rhyme Cassandra with Philand'rer.

it's humorous AND character development! tell me the awkward pause followed by ray's attempt at comforting beef didn't elicit a giggle

Right? Personally, I laughed so hard I vomited blood.

This is about as close to an intersection of Onstad and Chris Ware that I'd ever want to be. Makes me wanna just hide under the covers and think happy thoughts - like Phillipe standing on a drum machine manual, or something.

So did Chris Ware week give you recurring nightmares?

He gave me tears in my stool.

Tears, as in the crying, or tears, as in the rips?

The former.

P.S. I have no recollection of making this comment. This is one of the instances in which "2 years ago" means something more like "2 years, 11 months and 20 days ago" which also could be interpreted as "5,358 beers, 1,398 bong rips and 3 doses of psilocybin ago."

I think I know that girl in Canada!

I think I AM that girl in Canada

Her name is Alberta she lives in Vancouver!

she cooks like my mother and...
yes.

I honestly did work with a woman that had I cups. I don't know how she lived with those things.

How the hell do you lay on your stomach? Overlarge breasts seem to be a great obstacle.

Wait. Wait. Ray is an ass man/boy at this stage, surely...

Something's not right here.

I'm as ass-man. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate a nice pair-a jugs.

But are you an ass manboy?

This is why he suppressed his breast man status for so long.

that is tite noticing.

Was--was that a Man Who Fell to Earth reference?

I don't think I'll ever know for sure. :-(

i think it's Bruce Almighty..?

You mean The Truman Show.

Jim Carey was in both so it is an easy mistake, unless he used that line in more than one movie which means that I do not care that much about Jim Carey movies except for The Truman Show because that one was good.

Also the one where he was Andy Kaufman.

Jesus. I think this pretty much the heaviest moment of Beefs past we have seen.

Yeah but that was horrific in a kind of sickly funny way. This one is just... jesus.

i think that was how he was treated every day.

"I killed them with a brick!" -- Damn...stone cold.

Hm. Mine would probably agree with me, and then the whole evening would just be ruined

Tekende all huggin' her body singin' free-verse eulogies by Bright Eyes

Thank God that relationship is over

(I miss the boning though)

I don't know what exactly it is about them, but I just love every one of the Ray and Beef as kids strips so damn much.

I love how Ray's first thought of consoling his friend is to admit that he told a tall tale regarding a woman's bosom.

Like a dude who has just heard his dad get shot really cares if the J-cups were real or not.

I can't speak for Beef, but based on the relationship I have with my father I would most definitely be more interested in a girl with real J-cups than in his recent homocide.

Maybe he's worried they're about to be killed with a brick (or a gun) and he doesn't want the last words they shared to be a lie. Speaking of last words, "TRY ME, BITCH" is right up there with "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger" or "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--"

Heavy...

this is a serious circumstance

this is the Disintegration of circumstances right here

this is the Disintegration of circumstances

not sure why that posted twice, and in two different forms

It's totally sweet.

When does he start living with Gramma K?

shortly after the police and then california department of social services came.

Possibly a misunderstanding of the word "bastardized".

Does Beef have a twin?

Showbiz.

do we know what showbiz's female name is?

According to the front of the invoices from Rockford Fosgate, "Showbiz" was born Michael Kazenzakis.

I think he got lucky, and was all the way developed. Only Roast Beef was a little "underdone".

This is hella rough chuckles, O.

This is how you know these two are doggs, when it comes down, ray has beef's back.

but they are cats!

Was Ray wearing the Medallion of Chochacho at this point? He is so chill, having just heard someone get shot.

a hard look into Beef's past..my favorite line in this is 'Everything about you should die!'

i have used it in conversation.

[url]J cups![url=http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2007/11/16/retailer_mulls_j-cup_bra/5440/]

[url = http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2007/11/16/retailer_mulls_j-cup_bra/5440/] Confound it[/url]

[url = http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2007/11/16/retailer_mulls_j-cup_bra/5440/] DAMNIT[url]

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2007/11/16/retailer_mulls_j-cup_bra/5440/

according to that article M&S employs a woman named "Soozie Jenkinson" to design lingerie.

Seeing sabata00 struggle with code is as funny as watching a man who keeps falling down.

an old man.

on ice.

someone besides me, make a gif of this.

The dude is from circumstances.

Man I don't even know how Beef survived that hair, let alone Circumstances

Man, Beef's grannie and both of his folks have a nasty streak about them. Occasionally it comes out in Beef, but you can tell the cat hella regrets that business.

The single harshest strip still has a punchline.

heh heh, Hey guys, check it out, this strip has 69 comments!

...oh, dammit.

man this is fucking tragic

Why is it always Canada? Even if you're not making it up, if anyone ever mentions some chick from another country during your adolescence, 9 out of 10 times, she's from Canada.

Apparently these are J-cups.

NOTE: NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR FOR PEOPLE WHO EVER WANT TO FEEL OKAY ABOUT THE WORLD AGAIN.

There's few things more British than sucking on your own breast and looking decidedly uninterested by the whole endeavour.

BBW ATTEMPTS SEDUCTIVE LOOK

Huh, I would've expected something a little more...

Fucking internet. I can't even enjoy being shocked at J-Cups.

Those are not J-cups.

frame 11.. the look on little ray's face. so amazing. and again, the R. shirt.. the definitive 80's poseur surfer shirt. all kooks wore those. you never saw a real surfer wearing one. very popular with the valley kooks.