Philippe is standing on it

Philippe is standing on it 10/01/2001 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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No, Saint. It is a drum machine.

I don't even know what to tell you.

jesus christ! saint is back!

take cover?

WHY A LAME!

This lame utterly confounds me.

have you been drinking Gladiator Rex?

There are more subtly executed comics with stories that are as subtle as their execution but those are usually made by folk trying to be sensitive, not funny.

and this one

but not this one.

Nor this one.

This one, conversely, has been rendered entirely necessary.

But only when compared to this one.

Has this all got a bit meta? I think we need some slash right about....

Now.

oh hi moustache

I kept wondering why the tiny animal had elephant feet.

This link utterly confounds me.

It really makes his name make a lot more sense.

OH NO! Stay away gumfish!

i dont get you, getlaid. all your posts have a link to that website, and it makes me laugh. I think you are being avant garde, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

That site is hilarious! Especially the reasons directed specifically at men or women. MEN: There are women looking for casual sex with no strings attached! WOMEN: The men at Adult Friend Finder are much wealthier and more respectable than those at other dating sites!

"Dr. Goodman, you rock! I get laid so much now, I still can't believe it. I practically have women lined up to have sex with me! I love you and hope we can meet "face to face" someday!!!"

%u2013 Henry, Tyler, TX

Why are people marking this lame? that song is dope.

woah woah, tell me what it was called!

Here Comes A Special Boy. You can download it from their website. I'd give you a direct link, but the URL doesn't change. :(

Amen. That's an awesome song. Freezepop for the win.

Actually, that wasn't this comic, it was this one.

Actually, there are references to both strips in the song.
But yes you're right that is the primary one.

Classic Beauty.

it's so true it's scary

I will so totally work on making a phillipe dildo.

Philippe must NEVER know!

I'm so telling SJE to come here and read this.

did you?

The thought of people wanting to masturbate to a 5 year old, regardless of any species, is probably where the lames came from

I'm going through the archive again and this conversation made me laugh. Retardo if you manage to do this, remember to scream "Here comes a special boy!"

closely followed by the special girl.

or the other special boy...

Ultra Peanut?

Really, they are masturbating with a 5 year old. Totally different

And yet, somehow worse.

Retardo is actually a guy.

Thank you for your thoughts, Nolan.

Retardo! This is not squirt.org! Take your horny comments over there where they can be appreciated.

And I think you know what I mean by appreciated.

The thought of anyone wanting to stick Philippe in their ass makes me want to vomit with rage.

The words "Philippe is standing on it" have been permantly etched into my mind.

It always reminds me of when Mr. belvedere accidentally sat on his goods and had to be rushed to the ER by his boys. How can a man recover from that. Some crispy Stellas, that's how!

Oh my god. I suddenly find that I'm very glad I never watched that show.

Say what you will about this strip, but ask yourself: is it possible to read it and NOT click the button to see the next one? I submit to you that it is not.

Achewood: You can't read just one.

It started all of this, so you have to love it.

How do his pants stay on that is what I want to know

Did they ever get that drum machine figured out?

Cornelius = Vladimir
Teodor = Estragon
Philippe = Lucky

So, in other words, no, they're still waiting.

'Bemused' does not mean 'amused'.

But "bemused" does mean "bemused" and I think that's what he meant. Philippe is certainly lost in thought here.

I know that people often mistakenly write "amused" in place of "bemused" and I agree that they should be called on it. Just make sure that that's actually the situation before you do so.

Where I come from, 'bemused' means more like 'confused' or 'perplexed', neither expression of which I identify in that blessed li'l otter's face.

So, sure, I was trying to be a bit of a dick, just not a terrible dick.

Well, there's nothing I hate more than ending a perfectly argument this way, but I'm afraid we're both right.

BOOORIIING

It was early days, some folks didn't know what 'spam' meant back then.

There is a DaDaist slant to this that I just love.

This strip is important because it made me keep reading. Classic.

man, philippe can have a good time doing anything.

The really early strips are weird. They're funny, but almost in a completely different way than later strips.

agreed. I love the early days because so many are like 3/4 of typical linear jokes, but my brain can't quite figure it out and so just laughs anyway.

when i was first turned on to achewood, it had already been running for a year or so and my friend said "don't worry about what shows up, just click archive and start from the beginning." this strip is what made this comic what it is, it makes no sense but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world. everytime i tell someone about achewood i say the say thing, read the first strip first.

Nah, I start people out with 2005. Then I suggest going through from the start.

it gets a five because it is the first and it sets the tone for the rest perfectly

This should be on the flag.

I love how Philippe is not only standing on it, but he's standing on it in a corner, happily oblivious. There's really no other place for him to stand; that much is obvious.

the subtle awesomeness of this strip still amazes me...

Come on Teodor, I thought you were the music guy. That drum machine looks pretty simple to me. Then again, Onstad played up the animal qualities of the characters earlier on (they don't know how to drive, they need to use clandestine methods to get fast food delivery from humans, the whole animal underground concept wasn't really there yet, etc.).

This man is genius.

So classic, so newbie, I hope my comic series starts out as good as this!

I would say that this one at least, does indeed suck.

No way dude, this strip is HELLA GOLD

A solid gold vacuum cleaner.

I think the fact that the strip evolves and develops from something so basic is awesome

they are hell of different and the subtle humor dosen't work very well in them.

I think that, for the most part, the newer strips are better than the really old ones. But this one, the very first, is brilliant and ranks among my favorites.

lots of dudes say this is their favorite strip, and come on, it IS a good strip, but it sucks next to the novel that is now achewood canon. the strip was good, but once roast beef and ray showed up, it was gold. those fellas are straight up rude.

Ray and Roast Beef definitely changed the strip completely, and one of the funniest arcs is when they took the road trip to Bakersfield ("A turd with a bullet in it ain't exactly 5 O'Clock News Ray"), but Ray is over-used nowadays. There are other great personalities, like Cornelius, Teodor, Lie Bot, and Lyle, who just don't get any time on-stage anymore. One of my favorite arcs was when Onstad made Teodor help him pack and ship some merchandise. Teodor was all oppositional about it, and expressed his annoyance by refusing to cover his winky. I'd just like to see more of the rest of the Achewood cast.

Part of me agrees with you, but on the other hand Ray is definitely my favorite thing about Achewood. He's the most well-rounded character. He'll still surprise you after all these years.

this strip is brilliant.

i don't get it, personally.

but it took MAJOR sac to have this, an incomprehensible joke without a punchline, be the first strip of your ongoing comic.

i salute the man for this. this achievement sets Onstad as one of my creative heroes. if i could die in an opium den over a period of several years surrounded by piles of fruit being fed to me by naked girls, with only ONE companion on an adjacent couch to play card games with, i would choose chris onstad as that companion.

it used to be oscar wilde.

I think i would go with Fozzy Bear from the muppets.

I think I would choose myself, a cloned variety.

I think that would be pure hell.

nah. hell would be, the clone, and his girlfriend.

I have to imagine that Onstad would get more personally out of that situation than Wilde would've.

Hey-o, a gay joke!

Next: syphilis!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Hi, I'm philophobe.

"Hi, I'm philophobe" who?

Hi, I'm philophobe and I suffer from syphilis.

Hooray!

Although, factual error: I never knock when introducing someone to my syphilis.

This strip basically challenged me to keep reading Achewood. "You will not like this comic" this strip said. It is kind of punk like that. I am glad I picked a fight with this strip.

Chubby for an avatar cut from what is my desktop image at this very moment. Here's your W-2 and shitty blowjob, good sir.

Looking back, this strip has a strange and surrealist feel to it compared to the others. I want to know what made Onstad start his comic out with this strip instead of something else.

The closest thing to pure happiness I've ever seen.

Certainly the most original and, to me, the best online comic nowadays. Most strips lack the balls for a punchline like this.

I love how they don't seem to consider asking him to move.

I love how you are Klaus Nomi.

(I just discovered the man yesterday and now it's exciting.)

The strip does not have a standard punchline. Whatever you say about it, it's a typical example of Achewood's surreal universe and has become an iconic strip for its fans. For fans with a knowledge of the strip it does have humour... As a first strip of a comic it is truly bizarre. But if I had to buy any Achewood strip this might be the one. Probably not though, I might have to get the one where Ray orders Pat to say good things about Ray's dick. :D

Its sort of like a really good mixed drink, suble, but then WHAM it hits you

Did it really hit you? Or are you still in the dark about it? Because, I get it but it's not a WHAM effect.

[IMGS OFF]

im glad they have their name printed on those shirts. otherwise, how is anyone supposed to differentiate between them and all the other gay dudes?

FACT CHECK: Andrew Ridgeley fucks women.

Quote:

[IMGS OFF]

This is due to a problem in the future, 2010 to be exact. Some troll or hacker made all imbedded images go away, or maybe it was Onstad to save server space. I miss the images -- they could be quite creative -- or gross. You can still link to images, of course.

It's Beautiful.

The drum machine will be brought back in Achewood's final season, to devastating effect.

achewood may never end

God I hope not. The last comic I was in love with was 1/0 and I always get sad at the end. :(

I know. You watch Ghanny walk away in his new body and it all feels wrong. It was even worse when it was updating, because you knew the ending was coming at 1000 and every day was a countdown.

I always pegged "Arrested Development" as the Achewood of prime time sitcoms.

How it all began . . . cryptic, elliptical, homely.

I'm assuming this, the very beginning, is where Philippe starts looking like he's maybe retarded, eh?

One cannot fault the start of such a great comic strip. I am sure this has been done before, but much like most things on the internet I shall do it again and review every single strip. Luckily I shall do it better.

Here goes:

The beauty of the first strip of a comic is that no character development is required, unlike, say, a pilot. All that exists here is a simple absurd outcome that, as far as I am aware from the history of Achewood, was merely something that amused Onstad and he therefore wanted to put out on the internet.

i am so happy, right now.

The fact that the number of strips I've read may affect my ranking means I'm going to have to read from the beginning again. This is not a complaint.

here comes a special boy

why the heck does teodor have a drum machine, anyway?

Why, I think it eminently clear that it is because his drummer died back in the '70s from drug overdose, and when he and the others get back together sometimes to cut a new track for old times' sake, the find that it hurts less to let that old, enigmatically arranged drum set sit unused rather than replace their old companion.

To test this theory, I dispatch a British infiltrator to display the aforepictured comic to Peter Townshend. It is reported that the esteemed musician shed but a single tear and retreated to his attic where he played his cover of Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting) in the dark.

Truly this is a versatile comic!

is there like some jerk on here that is laming everyone who thought this comic was funny

The one that started it all.

While the generation of strips preceding the Party may be generally inferior to those that came after, I still find this strip completely and utterly hilarious.

I think you're wrong, for what it's worth. After the party is when Achewood became:

1) like a lot of other webcomics in the sense of being more character and storyline-based, enabling him to create many strips that aren't funny or original at all but simply move the story arc along.

2) almost exclusively focused on Ray and Beef. I find Ray's personality and way of speaking quite grating, to be honest, and Beef can get pretty repetitive at times.

The reason that one is inclined to think that post-party Achewood is better is because it's still awesome in its own way, and because there are now a lot more post-party strips which means there are more great later strips than early ones by sheer number. But I think that if he'd continued in this style it would have been just as good, if not better. And I still think that there will never be a better strip than Lie Bot's Ass.

Reeeeally. This is the makings of an epic debate right here.

In regards to your first point, Onstad rarely skips a panel without at least some throwaway stab at humor, much less a strip, even if it is moving along some larger arc; almost all the dialogue carries a steady stream of quirks and innovative wordplay. As for original, pretty much everything about Achewood is so original that if you read it without being properly acclimated to the strip's unique tone chances are you won't even enjoy it.
And while yes, Ray and Beef have moved into the spotlight somewhat, I find this preferable to the pre-Party equivalent: Teodor, Cornelius, and Lyle were all more or less the same bland character and Philippe was just a straight-up retard instead of a slightly nostalgic commentary on five-year-olds. And while Ray and Beef's respective dialects may get somewhat tiresome now and again, I would sooner take that than the similar repitition of one-off jokes about booze you find in the earlier strips.

I am DEFINITELY not afraid of the fucking POLICE right now!

i found it funny AFTER i read through the archives. not sure why.

Mainly because after you've read through the archives you get a feel for the humour and how it's played out, also, nuances you wouldn't normally pay any attention to begin to stand out as a statement. This is one of those strips that's funny for what isn't included; explanation of the oblivious otter, why a bear has a drum machine, the complete lack of normal punchline and subject matter. I like it.

Yes.
[IMGS OFF]

That drum machine utterly confounds me.

Perhaps it is because I cannot read Japanese.

it is truly a god among drum machines, one of the most distinctive sounds (along with the 808, used for hip hop and such)

though personally i prefer the tr-606, aka Big Black's weapon of choice

Ah.
The times before alt-text.

The primordial comic soup from which all greatness came.

Why is this not a five by default?

This is the future. In the future, stuff can be funny without having to be all . . . funny.

Madness? THIS...IS...ACHEWOOD!

Throw it all away for a reference to a poorly made, historically inaccurate movie.

Hehehe hella sassin' on "300"!

Chubbied due to mutual distaste for frank miller and his cinematographic manglings.

Really? You guys didn't dig 300? I thought I was the only one. The cinematography certainly comes across as a poorly mangled car wreck of comic book surrealism and over-airbrushed insincerity. The story didn't do much for me either true to history or not. I feel bad. Most of my friends who's opinions I respect love Sin City and 300. They both came off as insincere husks which once housed fairly dark and truthful sentiment.

Dude, the movie was a two hour documentary about oiled abs. What did you guys expect?

I expected some comic bookish over the topness that was still dark and dirty. I didn't expect the latest Batman flick, but at least something in the ball park.

Yeah, I was a big fan of the graphic novel, so I didn't expect the movie to be a "frat boy on acid coming of age story about well oiled abs."

I thought it was fabulous.

Your mistake.

No, it is not. For I like watching dudes run around withouth shirts, oiled up, and cutting people in half.

No mistake here.

the first thing i decided i disliked about it was the digital fuzz of the zoomed sections. it was obvious and it drove me off a cliff. i was very upset and decided that films should only be shot ON. FILM.

Between staring at the absolute Zen contained in Philippe's expression and listening to "Here Comes a Special Boy," I think I've found the recipe for true oneness with the universe.

Seriously, I cue up that song every time I read a strip with Philippe in it now.

I bought an XL "here comes a special boy" shirt for my very large friend. Now everyday is magic.

I always imagine the theme song to Achewood as "Bottle of Wine" as performed by The Fireballs.

Wrong. "Waiting Room" by Fugazi.

Aw, come on. Just imagine Beef and Ray just chillin on the front lawn, and Jimmy Gilmer busts out with "RAMBLIN ROUND THIS DIRTY OLD TOWN..."

Chubbied for your avatar. Roast Beef is really annoyed to have to look up from his book and say "wrong". Your comment almost looks like a voice balloon coming out of Beef's mouth.

Gorgeous surrealism.

Since everyone else does it on all the strips I read just now,

This was the first Achewood strip I ever read. No lies, I went straight to the archives, didn't even read the newest strip that day.

Same. I'm glad we finally get our moment to say that.

i read the one for the day i started, but thought as i did that i should go through the archives, so if anybody asked, i'd say this one, mostly 'cos i forgot which one it really was. the end.

As much as I love what Achewood became, I would like to see what it would've become if Onstad had stuck with his original vision of the strip. I love how sublimely rarefied the surrealism of these early strips is.

Got some silver-dollar words there, fella.

Well, my friend, this is a silver dollar comic.

Those are some silver dollar avatars there.

Mine's a default avatar. Sadly not as good as my friend's, there.

Did anyone think to ask Philippe why he is standing on it? He's a special boy. He would surely give you a reason.

I can't tell all the naysayers why this strip is funny. It just is.

I just hit this via http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuaqmJGZr

*bang*

Gah! You spelt brilliant correctly! Wait, this is an entire sentence. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

It has happened before. Too lazy to find it though.

It has happened before, but not 4 months ago (please adapt this date as it varies away from now... errr... now... I mean... oh fuck you know what I mean).

New readers, please ignore the comments for a while, and read them all under a particular strip before adding anything. The comments range from genuinely helpful to dangerously psychotic, and are often a mix of both, mine included. This Assetbar madness started long after the strip, but some of us still time-travel through the strips, seeding them with our B.S. or wisdom. The real action is in the present, where we have our hands on our real faces. Your Uncle Pogo.

This is true. Looking back at the old, primeval days of asset bar, everyone was like a bunch of howler monkeys on angel dust and Levitra. No wonder I held off joining for four months.

And now, in late 2008, we look back at these primeval, "howler monkey" days and realize just how peaceful it actually was.

Here in the future, Assetbar has hit the fan. I mean, I still like it. But it's truly ruined.

Ruined, like your junk?

Ruined like my life because I watched a porno.

Quote:

The real action is in the present, where we have our hands on our real faces.

That is no longer true, but there is a great poster with about a dozen or so handfaces on it. I will let you find it.

I have certainly aged. It's now early 2010.

i's will leab and comment 4 ma footur-self. footure-self? lol, 'member those times u had, well, i hasn't had dem yet cuz altho dey r in ur past dey are steel ma footore. anyways jus wantid 2 say i love u an dat ur a sexy rockstar stay live to read dis l8r in life.

yourself form deh past, cecil gonzales. Time Capsule Comment 2008 June 15th

p.s., at dis time ur also in lub wit a woman half ur age an ur only 18 :O yikes, u mite luk bak on dis as creepy, but whatever

wow it's been afucking year how incredible. cheers to myself

You can't put a number on love

i don't know

xkcd reference. Where are the lames?

I guess I used them all on that gladi8orrex thread up there. Too bad.

I started reading originally with The Party, assuming the first 'arc' was the beginning. What I would have made of these early days going in cold I do not know.

I just wanted to comment on the first strip, I guess. That's ok, right?

What would be worse would be someone replying with absolutely no intention on answering you.

He should ask Philippe to move.

If that doesn't work, he should just pick him up and set him down in such a way that he isn't standing on top of the instruction manual.

This was the strip that got me started on Achewood.

one comic to rule them all one strip to bind them.

I have always had a phobia of manuals so this strip has special meaning for me.

this is the first achewood strip i saw, it had me hooked ever since

It's... beautiful

Ah, where it all began. If I would have known that this was going to keep me from working as long as it has, I would have found it years ago.

Seems like Philippe is smirking secretly, knowing that he had sat on the instruction manual and they cannot do anything about it.

you gotta love it!

If you hit previous it's the same strip again. And again. And again. And again. It feels like staring into infinity.

Don't tell anyone but I think you may have found enlightenment.

Dont' stare directly into it though, it'll ruin your retinas.

[IMGS OFF]

no reason...

[IMGS OFF]

Firippu. Nice.

I started reading Achewood form the beginning and this first strip was just so excellent. I really like the newer stuff, but this is just a great start.

This is my first. I was told to start from the beginning so I am. I read it a few times. Stared at it for awhile. Thought "I just don't get it." So I read down the comments and was pleasantly amused by the statements and opinions there and cam to my own conclusion that there is no point. There is nothing to get. One can over-analyze all they want but that just makes my head hurt. I will say it is genius for now I have to continue, probably forever.

Good job, hope to see you soon.

I think I already did though...

This was my first Achewood comic ever!

Hilarious!

Let me start by saying I love this comic and am on my second trawl through the archives within a year of discovering it. Nonetheless, I do not understand what is happening here. Why is a five-year-old otter standing on a drum manual funny? Please, I want to understand.

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

I'm starting to think about Finnegans Wake; starts in the middle of a sentence and after a lot of very difficult and largely incomprehensable surrealism ends with the fisrt part of the original sentence.
I live in fear of opening the strip where Phillipe says "The drum machine's arrived. Can I unpack it?"

Oh, man, but that would be a perfect ending panel. (Says the guy who's seen at least three Bloomsdays without ever finishing his copy of Ulysses, largely because by the time I put the book and the annotations (an even larger book) in my bag, I don't have enough room left for all the stuff I actually need.)

I wonder if we will even get a nice, tied-up end like that. It seems as though lately Onstad hasn't been posting with any semblance of regularity (I may have just joined assetbar, but I've been reading the strip for well over 6 months). It makes me wonder if he even has a planned end for the strip, or if one day he'll just decide that it's over (sort of like the Perry Bible Fellowship, though there was almost no continuity there).

I'm hoping for a nice end to Achewood, but I'm not hopeful about getting it.

Yeah, I don't know how Achewood would end, but it would have to be pretty epic. It couldn't just be a picture of all the characters smiling, with a big "Thank you for reading my comic!" at the top.

Unless Teodor's dick was out.

Teodor says utter while holding an interesting knobby device in the place where an udder goes on a female cow.

Mr. Bear has the robe and defensive demeanor of a skeptical samurai.

Philippe might be a squirt of gel perched atop a jaunty hoof.

I have never understood this comic, and I have always loved it.

It's sometimes tough to read these older Achewood strips, knowing what horrible things these creatures will face.

The genesis of something greater than any of us could have imagined

Piffle! You don't know my imagination.

Hello kids. Read more poems.

I will. I will do this thing.

Ohhhhh, Phillipe is STANDING on it!

I get it.

It has recently come to my attention that the Achewood anniversary falls on my birthday.

When this was released, I had just turned 12. I had received an air-soft pistol, along with a nice pillow that my brother has since never returned (nor do I wish to receive again as his room is a constant hot box).

It was circumstances.

I just now realized that I had not ever commented on the first strip. Now I have. All is well

Also here and now also yes.

Broke down and joined up.

Phillipe's pants confounded me for the longest time.

they look ill-fitting. what is up with that?

And now for the viewing pleasure of our audience. Achewood presents: The story as viewed through the eyes and ears of a Human.

[IMGS OFF]

Chris talks to Teodor and Philippe. Clearly he can hear them.

He also created them, and I'm pretty sure Chris is a god not a human.

[IMGS OFF]

OH yeah?

Go on and check out the archives in webcomicns that goes as far as before 2001.

Check out 11 september 2001... see what i mean!

this illustrates my point

http://www.shmorky.com/d/20060605.html

We just needed a little joy after the wicked, cowardly attacks on the proud phalluses of our nation. Chris us that joy. When our towers had fallen...

...he gave them chubbies.

First!

Basically, I don't know what to do here. I don't feel like I have a lot of options.

Like the gay Taliban lawyer!

Last!

WRONG!!!!

This strip is my national flag.

I clicked the current button and was struck with a good feeling in my heart. I'm gonna go pretend I have something in my eye while manly-ishly holding my tears back in front of a group of people.

FOURTH READTHRU LETS GOOOOO

Oh sweet. I caught you almost an hour into reading the entirety of Achewood over again. I feel so special, like this is just a private moment we two share, together, alone, at the bottom of this comment page...