Well, I just hope we've all learned our lesson. AssetBar is a privilege, not a right.

That is the most beautifully hastily photoshopped buggery I have ever had the pleasure to stroke with my gaze.

repeatedly.

Happy birthday daidai!

I am almost overcome.

Urgh, just noticed the terrified-Philippe-crotch. Now I am overcome. And not in a good way.

I just overcame.

...the obstacle of premature ejaculation.

10cc my eye.


...wait, that didn't sound right.

Sounds like a night out with Keith Richards.

I understand.

It's better than being come-over.

Depending on your perspective...

i gave you a chubby. it is my birthday gift to you

Fellow October baby! Happy birthday to you!

[mine is on Monday, no gifts please, just donations]

Holy shit it's my birthday today and today is when I saw assetbar back!

now if only there were some way we could advise the starving kids in third world countries of this fact they would be happy.

Biting social commentary.

damn! that reminds me... I forgot to get the sharp cheddar on my grocery list!

What's... Family Guy? Dun-DUN-dunnnnn

Well, that's a deep Smukleject!!

Brapppp!!!

Pirst Freebly!!

You are boy, not man. But your words true, Boy, so Tarzan give chub.

Blew my mind, I was reading it in a Confucius voice until the Tarzan bit.

Wait...

Confucius... Tarzan...

oh my god I see it.

Could Confucius Tarzan be as awesome a costume as Samurai Lincoln?

Is that Marco Polo, or Stanley, in the background?

The man is obviously Gilligan. A gluttonous Gilligan, who ate too many of Mary Ann's coconut cream pies.

Assetbar rides on, like so many thrill-seeking despots.


we should all start a band

PEOPLES KINGDOM OF ECSTACY AND WRATH
or
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES
or
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AND ROCK AND ROLL

PEOPLE'S KINGDOM OF ECSTACY AND WRATH
or
TEMPT AN ARCHDIOCESAN, SKY GLOWED! POF!
or
CRACKHEAD, TWO PLOPS OF MISTY, AND GENE

Oh fuck yeah. Automatic chubby for Final Sacrifice reference.

psst
crom, crom
psst
did you know that you are the coolest god ever

Know him? He was delicious!

Nature smells.

Rowsdower...is there beer on the sun?

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOOOOLLLY

Also this is no mere sidebar: I really really dig where this is going. Hijinx from old times. I love the text adventure style. Really really really happy with Achewood right now.

Is...is Assetbar PEOPLE'S KINGDOM OF ECSTACY AND WRATH!?

You try to leave the country, but Ultraviolet just moves it right along with you. Crap!

Velocet; it does a body good.

And all that cal.

much more partial to the moloko plus, myself

i second that e-motion.

Real horrowshow, my droogs.

Also: rap music.

Got viddy milk?

And, like, Batman.

Hey! You aren't Michael Keaton!

Hee hee oh hee man check out the Highest Rated, Most Discussed etc. For me it's showing up as the most recent strips. Oh hee man.

Uhp, it's been fixed. Disregard.

Man, I... I wish I could have seen it.

In retrospect there was nothing exciting about it at all. I'm sorry.

Nice-on-water is the Roy Batty of noticin unusual glitches on assetbar.

I do apologize about that.

Aw heck dont worry about it.

:J

Fuck, that works so much better with the no-name font Pidgin uses.

In fact, it's a good thing to be the RBoNUGiA.

I'll have to watch Blade Runner and let you know how I feel about that statement.

Surreality is coming back in a big way.

wow. I am in awe.

Assetbar is back. I wonder... have they fixed it so that we can use plus signs?

No. They have not.

Well at least each one will be able to add something to the conversation.

Yes, that about sums it up.

Bad, stinky pun. Now you Man. Tarzan happy this day.

At least we've yet to suffer fom the cruel misfortune of a Minus Strike.

THIS IS A HOMEBOY

The only question is, can we learn from our mistakes?

This. This is a good arc.

Mind? Blown.

you're right that was probably exactly how they feel!

BAAAAAAAAALS.
I bet you're right.

I wonder how long it will take for someone to fashion a psuedu-animated avicon of Kim Jong-il's facial progression?

YES!
Achewood is back in a big way for me.

*something wrought by cleverness, about that I like this comic strip*

Can you imagine an endless loop of delighted Kim Jong-Ils? Can you see them with their chins endlessly rolling in laughter?

I...I can see it...

Assetbar is back! And Achewood appwars to have formed an unholy union with MS Paint Adventures.

Appears to have, even. Yep, Assetbar is back, right down to the lack of an edit function.

kim jong-il sounds a lot like vlad

I gave this strip a five out of hand just because Assetbar came back

I missed you guys.

...... I

...

...I missed you guys too!

I super missed you guys.
I feel...better now.

Avatar/commnent in perfect harmony.

I love when that happens.

assetbar, this bowl's for you guys

Reading cult propaganda through a film of animal urine is the new TUOAMB.

really good strip

in other news, an achewood discussion forum has been started....

http://achewood.raptorswithhats.com/

I tried to use it but it wouldn't let me

I like jongy's new name

Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, Ultraviolet Thunder

I really love how much joy you all are projecting through the internets at my face. The satisfaction with this arc is potent - you can taste it in the air... tastes like.... tastes like awesome.

What it says in the puddle right now:
"At the...
...seum that Dwi...
I personally ca...
...tied a chain...
...a pregnant woman...
...each chain to..."

I don't like how my brain fills in the holes.

Just let the previous comic do it instead.

urinate. i'm a nine.

Seven ate nine. Can I be seven?

its the future. you can be anything you want. [[wink]]

This is how Onstad got himself targeted by Korean assassins.

I believe in Teodor's case, the same effect of Todd's urine puddle would be achieved via a pool of tears shed listening to the Cure.

Does anyone else read "YOU PEEL - OUT!" like Tim Curry yelling "YOU...FLOAT...TOO!" at the beginning of "It"?

in other news, I am going to be a father!!!!!!!!

Of my PAIN BABY?!

Quote:

Must be a first kid. By the fifth, exclamation points are not considered.

A baby is born today and his name is AssetBar!

Somewhere in New Jersey, Three Fools ride forth with a cooler of Stella Artois, a casserole dish of "Galaxy" nachos, and a carousel which reads, "Hecho en Mexico."

The fuck you know about galaxy nachos? who is this

a...a...mini-turk?

Tarzan say good.

i like you the most, mr scorpion

of my RETARDED BABY?

Before this comment thing went down, I was seeking advice. This may not be the proper forum, but it's the best shot I have of getting help. In January of 2008 I ordered a book and a pint glass from the achewood store. I got the book and a note saying the glass was out of stock. I waited several weeks and when I noticed that the glasses were back on the site, I emailed about not receiving mine. I didn't get an answer. I figured they were busy, so I waited a month and emailed again. I got a reply apologizing and offering a glass or a signed book. I replied that I wanted the glass, but that I had moved since my original shipment and asked about shipping options. I never got a reply. I emailed about once a month after that and have NEVER gotten an answer. I just want my glass! :( Any advice?

Happened to me too. Except I never got an offer for anything else, just an email that said they'd look into it. I love Achewood so much that I got over it, I guess. Except mine was a sweatshirt. And it cost $40. Oh well?

Nah, you've got to email them back, just as a request for an update on the item you purchased. I haven't bought anything from Achewood, but I've had dealings with shysty and/or "forgetful" sellers (my other hobbies and interests are mostly 'airheaded', so...) of goods--you've got to stay on their ass. It is your money, and you sent it off with the promise that it would be exchanged for a good. Don't let somebody just shrug and move on to the next customer service email. Besides, I'm sure it isn't Chris Onstad directly taking care of business ("TCB") down at the old Achewood business depot.

The only advice I have is to keep emailing. What does your subject look like? My trick is to always include RE: in correspondence that I really want to be noticed; it draws attention, because it looks like a furtherance something that they have already addressed. It's worked before.

my dvise is start making harassing phone calls in the middle of the night

We knew it was him that backed over that cat. Fucker.

And he ate all of the goddamned garlic dip, too.

That cat fucker.

PEEL-OUT SUMMER

Peel-Out Summer 2: The Squeakuel

Kim Jong Illllll-vin!

the fixing of assetbar means onstad endorses everything we say here.

peel what out?

Assetbar lives.

And now I'm left to consider the unambiguous melancholy which engulfed me during the imagined demise of an internet message board. I must consider this and really think about my life.

I have creative outlets. I have Things To Do.

I have good friends. I have a love in my life.

I have my health and (relative) youth.

So what neurological clusterfuck was at the heart of how acutely I felt this non-event?

What the fuck, me?

Weeeell, look at Professor Thurston Rowboat the Third!

What's it like living in a rap video?

at least the part where the rapper is surrounded by friends while his father doesn't yell at him for wanting to pursue a career in fiction writing

you know the part where the rapper gets a clean bill of health from a doctor who isn't scowling and coughing, where a nurse comes in and tells him his mother is still alive and someone loves him in a true and pure way, for his mind

when is your episode of cribs airing, sheesh!

My favorite part of the rap video that is my life is the part where I don't slap you down for stepping to me.

This is because we are aware of the manner in which you roll.

A forum full of mostly-intelligent people chatting like Rude People, losing that is not a non-event.

Oh my god this arc is awesome. Also, I am not totally sure about this, but it might be based on the Vice Guide to Travel: North Korea. Watch it on company time.

I missed you guys.

hahaha i read that as the lady in your avatar saying that to her boobs. what a reunion!

It's called the Avatar/comment Synergy Syndrome. And It's also mesmerising...

Why is this one called "Easter Egg?"

1. easter egg

A hidden item placed in a movie, television show, or otherwise visual media for close watchers.

Originates from the the 1975 movie "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," when the cast had an Easter Egg hunt but most of the eggs went unfound. They can be seen throughout the film in various locations (such as under Frank N. Furter's throne).

And, of course, Easter Eggs are hidden events, characters, locations, decorations, allusions, etc. in video games.

Assetbar is back. My akademe. The only place where polymaths, history buffs, and philosophers can discuss the merits and applications of squirrel urine. I love you all.

I understand the bit about deme, but what's with the k? Maybe I don't understand.

It's like West Side Story but Greeks vs. Romans.

Someone still gets it in the end, I think.

Just not thegoblins.

That is the Greek way, after all.

Just ask Beef WHOOOAAA!

Spreading out a stinky pee puddle with a stick = clever. From one of the more recherché sub-categories of special agent skills.

ASSETBAR IS BACK

Ultraviolet Thunder has some luscious lips.
Also, yhank you for being back, assetbar.

yhank?
Goddamn. Now I can never come back again.

Nice knowing ya!

Yes, yes it was. Oh wait oh my goodness I'm back.

'Oh my goodness'
Class.
Again with the avatar/comment thinumyjig. I'm reading your comments in a Penelope Pitstop stylee.

Heehee, that's awesome. Who's Penelope Pitstop?

This is...

Say "yhank you" to the nice gentleman, Missbee.

Y...yhank you, Mr. troy_convers.

This may just be the best Achewood in three years.

One of the best in a while. There is currently genuine HA!ing going on in my house.

A North Korean star instead of the regular window van? Nice touch.

I think I meant "van window". It is entirely possible that I did, in fact, meant that.

English language, it is difficult. It is difficultest language, written on greyest of papers.

*mean

I just keep on digging.

I didn't notice either of your errors until you pointed them out. Just something to think about.

I think it's an ESL problem. When you're not a native speaker, you tend to notice such errors easier.

Of course, you might also say that I'm just anal about grammar.

It appears that grammar *sunglasses off*
has gotten anal on you.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Jesus, come ON hamscout.

Perfect.

what is your first language?

It is a love story.

Fact: Teodor has spent an entire month topless.

so that's what, like three strips?

BURRRRN

Curiosity killed the cat stuffed bear Teodor.

Possibly my favorite ever alt-text, I'm going to be using this out of context whenever my bosses aren't around.

Welcome back, Glad. I feared we would never cross paths again. Continue fighting the good fight.

seconded

its alright man you never score if you never swing, just keep keep writing cuz thats the most important thing

IT'S BAAAAACK!!!!!
FUNGAAAAAH!

i didn't realize how much i missed assetbar until it was gone.

Because it is damn near impossible to find "ray gets sort of stoned" otherwise.

The national dish of North Korea actually is a cold noodle dish, called naengmyeon. It is pretty goddamn delicious, too. The card table part, yeah, it sucks.

Isn't naengmyeon a frozen, chocolate-covered banana?

Is that a metaphor for something? *SHUDDER*

ALT TEXT: Tomorrow's recipe: chicken!