To Go Online, Or Not.

To Go Online, Or Not. 12/05/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Computer programs have finally forced us to develop the same functional problems they have.

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Dear Assetbar, what is the assiest thing?

...here's what I get for assuming the previous day's delay/fuckup was still in effect. A bright yellow badge of shame and the first creeping hints of a vodka hangover.

While I'm at it, remind me to hide the vodka before hosting a cocaine freak at my store after hours. The bulk of that was for a party that got subverted for purposes I do not endorse.

My God. I really am more interested in cycling endlessly through pictures of people I *don't* know.

Belly up to the Assetbar and swallow your shame!

asherdan had to be one of those that lamed me.

I'm going to say googling "Treacher Collins syndrome" quite early in the morning. What a great start to the day.

Noo! That video is the work of some displeasure god born out of the fiery depths of the internet from sadism and cold indifference to human decency.

Really? I'm there, dude!

So am I! Can you see me? I'm waving!

....which leads to a rather disturbing thread of videos.

Wow, this has made me not want to use the internet something fierce. I'm going to go write the great American novel and plant a garden. Better make a quick tweet about it first...

Another potential career path for Onstad: motivational speaker

Google Great American Novel...Wikipedia has an article...whoa, Phil Roth wrote a novel titled "Great American Novel"? What a presumptuous bastard...figures, it sucked...didn't he write "The Plot To Kill America"? ...no, it's "The Plot Against America"...huh...Charles Lindbergh...raving anti-Semite, suspected Nazi, knew that...oh right, his baby was kidnapped...media circus" has its own page, should've known...ha ha, "circle jerk."...wait, how did the British tabloids manage to make a thing out of the snowstorms? ...hm, more ratings than the 2007 car bombings...I forgot about that...hm, they used some nice cars for that bomb, a 300E, pretty classy at least...wait, wasn't Mercedes-Benz a plane company during the war? ...shit, nope, BMW...Goebbels' wife was married to this guy Quandt...used slave laborers from concentration camps...Nazi concentration camps...wait, which Vonnegut novel was about that Holocaust survivor...Mother Night? No, he was a Nazi...hm, Vonnegut...Slaughterhouse-Five...Great American Novel...

catch-22

Catch-22. Yes.

[IMGS OFF]

Every single time I go on wikipedia, I ALWAYS end up reading about Nazis.

All Godwin's Law and secret Nazi gold and stuff.

It's like a huge speed bump in the normal course of history. Sure, wars and genocides existed, but these guy unfortunately had their shit together. In a word, (or two), veeeery interesting.
[IMGS OFF]
BUT SCHTOOPIT

Yes, Germany's genocide efforts were (unfortunately) not unprecedented. However, unlike Rowanda, the USSR, etc., the Nazis were not cognizant that they were undertaking pure evil. Thus they made no effort to hide their atrocities.

Countries have a tendency to put aside moral conundrums when they get in the way of power. To wit: the US had no qualms about snatching up known Nazi's after the war. They were given new identities and became US citizens. Some (like Von Braun) are considered great Americans.

I leave you with Lehrer:

Gather round while I sing you of Wernher von Braun
A man whose allegiance is ruled by expedience
Call him a Nazi, he won't even frown
"Ha, Nazi schmazi," says Wernher von Braun

Don't say that he's hypocritical
Say rather that he's apolitical
"Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down
That's not my department," says Wernher von Braun

Why'd you have to poop all over your assetbar dissertation by spelling Rwanda with a dang O? Or is this just another reference for the pile we've already got to the Rowandan Baptist Church in Winnipeg? I don't wanna hear one more damn thing about Tiger Woods or the Rowandan Baptist Church in Winnipeg or I'm moving to the forest.

It..it was the name of a girl he never got over.
Bitch.

And let's not forget all the Japanese doctors of Unit 731 that received political immunity from their actions by sharing their research with the United States.

Morality is such a funny, fleeting thing.

Oh no, I'm so sorry. I hit lame on accident trying to chubby it for the third time. It would have made it the green box! My bad dude.

once I hit chubby on accident trying to lame someone. At the time I couldn't afford to hire a hit man either. It was a no win situation.

why...you bastard...I...I oughta...

I feel like John Stockton to your Karl Malone, sir.

This is an analogy I feel comfortable with. I accept.

- with which you feel comfortable.

Sorry.

Oh BALLS to this. BALLS I say. I'm well aware of most of the rules of the English language. AND THAT'S ONE GODDAMN RULE WHICH I WILL NOT BE A PART OF.

of which you will not be a part!

I say this with love, n-o-w.

Did the bold and underline not--aaah forget it.

Loooooove.

...looooove, looooove.
Looooove, looooooove, looooove...

there's nothing you can do that can't be done...

try what I did. only $10k up front.

I'll put $10k up your front...

How much for up the back?

No don't

(your avatar is my desktop wallpaper at home so random chubby for you)

mine too (well laptop)! it both captures the essence of calvin and hobbes in one simple image and provides a really nice color scheme.

Also if my memory serves me it's the back cover of "Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons," which is one of my favorite C&H collections.

Actually, it's There's Treasure Everywhere, a later anthology.

Ah yes, the bittersweet swansong of Calvin and Hobbes. I thought the back of that was the one where they're hugging...I have all the books, I confuse them a lot.

No, no, I'm thinking of "It's a Magical World." "There's Treasure Everywhere" came out a year after it ended but after the last collection (Magical World), and that was the one where they're digging for treasure on the front.

Or was that "The Days Are Just Packed"...

No, I was thinking of "There's Treasure Everywhere." Supersry for the quad-post.

I have an intense urge to go outside now. Mission accomplished?

I did till I saw the FRIGGING snow.

geography tales: i woke up to a couple dozen fb updates from family and friends, "IT SNOWED!!!!"
and then two hours later, "it melted :-("

Same here but the dang snow's still on the grass and everywhere except the asphalt. But thank god there's been a snow-lull because everyone's at the basketball game, or getting back and drinking. I have work to do though, also no money.

Right, this comic created kind of an infinite loop.

1. Use internet
2. Read comic strip about being on the computer too much
3. Decide to go outside
4. It's cold
5. Too cold to do anything but look on the internet

what about when it warms up? Or if you are in such a place as New Zealand, where summer is just starting and yesterday was gorgeous?

or if you are in Brisbane where summer is also only just starting but I have been sweating my body weight for the last month nonetheless?

why would you ever want to live in such a place?

So you can wear a t-shirt in winter and go to the beach eight months of the year.

which is half hour away

Unnatural downundering HEATHEN!

We also have Platypus' ... unnatural indeed!

[insert freakish laugh]

A beaver fucked a duck! They banished it! It has poisonous barbs!

The part about it being poisonous?
Its like that Denis Leary rant in "Asshole" where he's, "gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpah and..." by the time he gets to "and a case of whiskey", its like "and its poisonous". You're still listening, its interesting, but its barely clicking anymore. Really, its more of an action figure than an animal, "now, with beaver tail, duck bill, poisonous barbs and its own 'platy-bus' action vehicle!", trying to cram in just all the crazy, crazy bells and whistles that you can.

I can go to the beach all twelve months out of the year because it is certain to be frigid, murky, and largely unsafe for swimming no matter when I go.

It's never more than three miles away either, but public transit will endeavor their best to make it take an hour to get there.

I wear a t-shirt all through winter too. Ain't no thing.

I assume the eight months of the year exclude the summer months, when you will be fried to a crisp if you leave your refrigerated bunkers?

hells no. there are two months where it is too windy, and two months where the weather's warm but the currents from Antarctica have slid their way north chasing whales and the water is idiotically cold.

farqussus will not tolerate idiocy in any form, shape or temperature from water

Man, fuck water.

Only cold water, man, you're hot water!

Onstart has trolled you successfully

If you can say it in 140 characters it's probably not worth saying it at all.

I'm aware of the irony.

...DEAR GOD!!!
IM STUCK IN A GOTO LOOP!

for(int i = o; i < 10;i )
{ i = 0;};

int moveleft()
{
int i = 0;

gltranslatef(0.0f, -0.4f, 0.0f);

int i ;
return i;
}

while( moveleft() =! 10){};

10 PRINT "I WONDER IF SOMEONE CHUBBIED ME ON ASSETBAR";
20 GOTO 1o;

15 PRINT "NO"
16 PROC SADFACE

Paging Doctor Dykestra . . .

I knew a lesbian whose last name was Dykestra once...

She didn't look like this, did she?

[IMGS OFF]

no, she was a hairdresser

Can't a hairdresser look like that?

never.

Sounds like the member of the Justice League that wasn't allowed to teach in public schools.

His name is correctly spelled: dijkstra.

But ...alright.

>Troll Assetbar

/You cannot. AIU is conducting his experiments of faggotry again

how many experiments in faggotry are left? I think they've explored all the holes you can stretch enough to get a wang into.

what about stomas?

Not tonight dear, I've got a stoma ache.

you can run out of holes, but there are always more wangs, in fun shapes and sizes in, to cram in. this fact is the cornerstone of experimental creative faggotry.

Are you seeking a grant to pursue your experimental faggotry?

[IMGS OFF]

They create new ones and go back to work.

so THAT's what those earrings that stretch your lobes are for.

Those are just holdovers from Look Like a Dick Week that people can't just toss out for lack of justification in the cost.

Except for vaginas, for some reason.

I approve of this.

If this strip were starring any one of us and not Teodor, There would be a "Check Achewood" option every third box.

The details will vary from person to person, but the basic flow of this chart is still brilliant and depressingly accurate.

I think the best (and most depressing part) is definitely the first branch. That sums up what happens when I try to get work done with an accessible computer nearby quite accurately (I am currently supposed to be doing a project).

RE: Alt text
So, instead of technology slowly making it possible for humans to replicate humans, technology is slowly fashioning humans in it's own image and did I just blow your fucking mind.

[IMGS OFF]

OMG ELROND!

Slash Agent Smith!

>You have attempted to slash Agent Smith, but his preternatural speed allows him to avoid your attack and fashion you into an ineffectual replica of himself.

C:/> take Glenn Beck's cocaine

>All of your bad feelings have turned into good feelings. It's a nightmare.

You hear that sound Mr Orezscu? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your broadband router.
Goodbye, Mr Orezscu.

oh god they're kissing

someone should totally photoshop that

Try deviantart. There are any number of terrible fanarts to be found.

They make a good case for adopting a new portmanteau of "fan art" -- they could call it "fart."

now you're just telephoning it in

I recall discussing portmanteaus over brunch with Bennifer and Brangelina. I was so surprised at their ignorance of the word, I dropped my spork.

Web2.0 not skynet destroyed humanity.

This... is my life. I have enough problems just keeping up with my twitter feed. Funny how work won't accept that as an excuse...

This is the earliest comment I've ever made, by the way.

Exactly why I limit my internet use to a total of two hours a day.

Man, I'm wasting my whole goddam life.

I like how Teodor's idea of "getting caught up on the news" is checking his old hometown's obituaries. Next he'll be directing recursive stage productions, shitting green and drowning in gratuitous levels of symbolism.

[IMGS OFF]

these results are far less whelming than I expected.

free hats for cancer patients
free hats for chemo patients
free hats on roblox
free hats clipart
free hatsune miku download
free hats by mail
free hats TF2
free hats to crochet
free hats for kids
free hats south park

subtly, unlike any other, Assetbar has made a fool of another loyal customer.

[IMGS OFF]

And there are only about 48,100,000 results for "free hats." I'm somewhat disappointed.

Ah, but what about pages from Canada? Surely we have an abundance of hats of the toque and beaver varieties.

Results 1 - 100 of about 47,700,000 for free hats.

[IMGS OFF]

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I really like how when you watch CSI Miami with the closed captioning on, it actually said "YYEEEEAAAAAAHHHH" on the screen right after Horatio delivers his zinger and the song begins.

Free hat not cock hat

Free hat?

Free Ride - Fog Hat

Dear Universe,

Why do you keep bringing up Foghat? First that kid who wanted to learn Free Ride on guitar, then that billboard about an aging Foghat playing at a local casino, now even on my Assetbar? What gives? What is the connection? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Oh wait free ride is Edgar Winters Group, SLOW ride is Foghat. Phew.

Sounds like you got third time lucky.

Sorry Mattylite.

Fog hat noize.

This flowchart hit close to home, but Assetbar is nowhere to be seen...

At first I was confused that there was no "porn" option. Then I remembered that Tacodor has two monitors, so he is never not looking at porn.

But is it naked human lady porn, or is it naked alive stuffed bear lady porn?

I suspect that T doesn't discriminate. There's probably a lot more naked human lady porn available, though, so my guess would be that most of his porn is of the naked human lady variety.

We all remember his Meg White phase. Maybe that's his thang.

or maybe he's thinking of Penny

I wonder if stuffed animals have prejudices against stuffed animals that look at human porn?

being unemployed isnt good for my intarwebz habit.

Swimsuit pics!

all dat facebook shit n frionderster shits is craze. wtf is wit yall u gotta do retarded shit like dat (i do twitter dat is diffrent tho)

shit i jus play games

u 2 funy glad, 22222 funny.

actually, twitter is the same as that other stuff. im afriad that youve become everything that you hated.

nah man. u fulla shit

twitter is different because you can do it on your phone, even if you have a crappy phone. that is why it is different, it allows people with phones to talk to each other.

twitter doesnt involve talking. it involves reading previously entered text.

b...but don't you speak it while you type it and read it out loud when it's on the screen? (In between laughing out loud because your remarks are so witty.)

"it allows people with phones to talk to each other."
Revolutionary.

Revolutionary...But Gangsta.

Gangsta...most Gay-ang to thuh EssTeeYay.. amirite?

man what

"You heard me. Twitter is gay," said the gangster Christopher Walken.

Can I sue Onstad for royalties because he made a dead-nut-on documentary about my life without my permission?

Not unless you can prove you were the first to have this life.

The joke is you really don't have a life, so sue him for that.

Can I haz royalteez? (sorry sorry sorry)

perfectly acceptable cause he's got a pic of a cat. NEVER APOLOGIZE. NEVER BACK DOWN. no surrender.

I've "used my lame allotment"? Really? REALLY?? I've not lamed anyone for ages and DEFINITELY haven't lamed anyone on this page. THANKS ASSETBAR, YOU UNBELIEVABLE PRICK.

I am in this boat. Have been for roundabout a year now. Click lame every now and again for the reassurance that, yep, still can't.

Maybe it's best for everyone. Maybe...maybe it can make Assetbar a happier place...just maybe.

Merry...merry christmas.

Comment rated 4 Chuppies and 395 Lames (marked as spam 0 times)
*giggle*

sorry, I guess I should link to this comment instead, since linking to a comment with 395 lames doesn't work unless you have your lame threshold set higher than 395, which I imagine most people probably don't.

that's an awful lot of lurkers, huh? Those are all accounts that logged in over the past couple days.

and that's just the accounts that had lames to give.

I'm sorry I know that the forgoing four posts could have been easily condensed into one, if my brain could think ahead more than 5 seconds at a time.

make that five posts. six now.

Becci, when was the last time you posted on this board? And now you're back and trying to lame comments?

Congratulations, you have now become a machine elf.

I just wanted to lame one little thing, because it was lame! Anyway I don't have to explain myself to you. Who are you, anyway? Gedouddaheeyah.

He is I_Love_Kate and his love for kate is boundless

AND I AM HIS LOYAL SERVANT

YOU HAVE MY SWORD, I_LOVE_KATE

[IMGS OFF]

And you have my bow.

And my axe!

Yesssssss

Hooray! Let's go rob a Starbucks!

*Dramatic crescendo of music with Latin vocals*

[IMGS OFF]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

VENTI MOCHAAAAAAAAAAAA

One doesn't simply walk into etc.

And these knives?

these knives, man

these fuckin' knives

Wait, so you made that account just so you could make that comment, right? I like your commitment.

Roaring fires! Malt BEEER! Red meat off the bone!

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO LAME TELL US

If it's something I posted I'll ignore you.

You will ignore her until she is ignorest she has ever beink.

Until...

she is so ignored.

hecci u lost any wheight in that time away or u still fat cheeked limey 'ho is hard 2 look at?

jus wonderin' :)

gladi8orrex Quote:

hecci u lost any wheight in that time away or u still fat cheeked limey 'ho is hard 2 look at?

Translation:
Hecci, you lost. Anyway, it's that time. I'm way over your style. Fact-checked! My limo home is here. Too late, ah?

Commentary:
Here, Glad tries to convince his Internet crush that he's over her. He insists that he's his own man now, successful and self-confident, with his own limo. After posting to Assetbar, though, he hugs a framed printout of her handfacepic avatar and cries himself to sleep.

Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Glad I'm Not You!

think u mena avicon ^_^

NJ BRO

maybe if you white-knight for Hecci a bit more she will give you a beej

Unfortunately digital white-knighting only leads to digital beejes. Which is what most of us already have open in pop-up windows right now.

Heh heh, you said "pop up."

Shut up, dumbass! Uh huh huh.

Uuuuuuh..huh-huh, he said 'ass'!

who says you have to look at her?

[[yawn]]

YOU HEAR THAT, ONSTRAD?!

onstand is uncaring of your plight

Basically, Onstad doesn't give a shit about his cry cry face?

he doesnt give a shit about my yawn yawn face.

Take that, MySpace.

like every character in this strip is a completely horrible person and it's starting to get to me

beef, molly, teodor, pat, ray if you think enough about it (i'm trying not to)

they're just shit

i wouldn't want to know any of them.

Pat is supposed to be a dick. That's the main premise of his character.

As for Teodor, Molly, Ray, and Beef, they've all done crappy things before, but they've also done a lot of good things, and I don't think any of them has done anything unforgivably horrible. They may be assholes sometimes, but I don't think any of the four of them is any more of an asshole than the average person.

this is the awful truth that Onstad has connected to, and that each of us acknowledges on a primal level: we are all as awful as this, and there is no escape and no judgment.

The premise of Achewood has always been about shitty people. Pat is just an extreme version of that. It's funny because we're all as capable of being as shitty as Molly, Beef, Ray, or Tacodor. Tacodor punched Phillipe in his stomach once, never forget.

stealing thegoblins's avatar, beta version at that, is kinda anti-social and trolling and weird and not nice and confusing and

perfectly par-the-course for an anti-social, troll-filled, weird community like Assetbar.

Right?

If a war's going on, feel free to kill a guy.

Let it be known that on this, the morning of Sunday, December 6th, 2009, I pressed the "chubby" option under an AIU post before ignoring it (nothing personal, by the way - it's just that I use a really shitty computer and some of your posting habits really give the old girl the fits). Plummet has been on my ignore list for so long that I can hardly even remember why I hated him, but I think it's fair to say that he is among the small handful of regular posters who even AIU can see is a total fucking waste of space. I mean, sure, AIU really fucks shit up, but at least he's vaguely interesting.

I, too, have experienced the fear of seeing my computer comatose after it choked on AIU's rather long.....frist pots.

The inherent irony of AIU calling someone out on trolling is comedy gold, by the way

I haven't found plummet's posts annoying or worth ignoring lately. I think it's rather anti-social of you to ignore him. just his choice of avatar is kinda questionable.

as for ignoring every AIU account you can find, don't bother... if AIU decides he wants to unleash a browser crashing series of posts, you can be sure he's going to do it with a fresh account that no one has had a chance to ignore yet. You might wanna expand your mind a little bit and give people a little more benefit of the doubt, otherwise you will box yourself into a rather ugly world. to some extent, the world is what you perceive it to be.

fuck, i'm high and this felt like philosophy

this man is doing philosophy

You make some interesting points. Unfortunately they all operate on the assumption that this internet message board is my "world." If that ever becomes the case, I'll have more to worry about than whether or not I'm being too hard on plummet.

I haven't ignored every AIU account I can find - the original, "already in use" remains unignored. I just ignore every multiple account he makes.

If he wants me to see any of his messages in future he should consider using it.

I'm guessing that stereo also obsessively compulsively counts things.

Rowboat on a computer that basically pre-dates AIDS, ignore-listing plummet, appreciating aiu's je-ne-sais-gonzo posting style: discuss.

Rowboat's working some rough chuckles these days

While Chris Onstad was on vacation, today's cartoon was drawn by Randall Munroe, age 7.

I believe you meant to say Onstadt

Why did you choose the username "plummet"? Is it because the name you wanted was already in use?

>Implying that I am AIU

Barking up the wrong tree there, friend.

Also:

Plummet - Damaged

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDuSnrOUfw0

it's a boss tune, mate

a mighty mighty boss tune?

"Born To Run?"

I have a feeling that the producers for most modern music have never heard that song. I mean, it's a great song, but the production is fucking immaculate.

immaculate fucking is quite appropriate to the season

When I was six there was a girl who lived up the block from me that told me she wanted me to be her boyfriend but I refused. One day, in an attempt to make me jealous, she gave my little brother (age three) several kisses on the cheek and raved about how cute he was. I told her it wasn't working but not long after that it was evening and I wanted to go out to play with her but my Mom and Dad said I had to eat dinner and I didn't want to because it was chicken noodle soup and I wasn't sick. My Dad gave me a spanking and I went to bed without any dinner. Eventually she moved away.

I found her on facebook earlier this year. She lives in Maryland, not too far outside of town. She has a little baby boy and I looked through page after page of photos of her tickling and kissing her adorable child, searching for pictures of the father, and finding none.

They always wind up with kids, Teodor.

They always wind up with kids.

yeah you preachin to that quire when I look on the personals adverts online it's like every other chick has some kids and so many of them are fat even the chicks who don't have kids are fat a lot of the times and they are like 'my kids are my life' which okay I understand that kids are very much the most important thing in the world I understand that yes I do they are most important thin in the world for me too even though I don't have any I love my friend's kids so much I can't even imagine what if I had my own kids okay well I don't love them as much now that they are becoming teenagers and starting to become assholes some of them but anyway so my point is sure your kids are most important thing in the world to you but if that is pretty much the only thing you can think of to put in your profile, then, you must not have life beyond your kids, I mean, any life at all, no interests, no hobbies, no awareness even of anything else, and that is very sad for those kids because it is not enough to offer kid your love, you have to offer them a love of life and a love of the world, you have to show them the world, and for that to happen, you have to be well rounded enough such that you can think of more to say in your online personals other than "if you has any questions just ax me" yeah I have questions bitch that's why they put those fields that you didn't fill out so that you can start to give me an idea about you if you're not going to fill out the fields then why do we even have personals web sites in the first fucking place why don't we just dial random phone numbers on our phone until someone picks up? dumb bitches! and many of them put pictures of they kids on they personals ads. what the fuck up with that. like big advertisement for pedophiles or something. this one women, she put on her personals ad something like "you are not going to get anywhere near my kids until I have dated you for X number of months" or something like that. it's like... holy shit... from one extreme to the other. so many fucking psychos and idiots out there. but that's the way it is. you got to figure just from the way that people drive that most of them is idiots. like when you signal for change lanes, and people keep coming by you even when you are signaling. sometimes, someone directly behind you, in same lane as you are, instead of let you change lanes, will change lanes in order to pass you, then change back into same lane, when if they would just fucking let you change lanes, they could have proceeded faster without haiving to do all that shit. dumb fucking people. when I signal to change lanes, I give people around me some time to recognize what I am wanting to do, after that, if people want to keep driving by me, I change lanes anyway, kinda slowly, but if someone directly heading for me, I don't let that stop me, I keep changing lanes anyway. they are all honking like what the fuck are you doing. they get pissed sometimes. But you can't let other people walk all over you. I know you are thinking well it would be stupid of me to have an accident. I figure if someone stupid enough or road rage enough to hit someone, they might as well hit me instead of hit someone else. At least I am expecting it. maybe it could be some mom in a mini van full of kids that accidently cuts someone off, that someone might hit her and cause bad accident. I figure better they hit me. But I haven't been hit yet. haven't even traded paint yet, but it's been real close. But that's how people drive, they don't understand safety margarine. That is another pet peeve of mine, is people who drive directly behind you, all tailgate you, is terrible, because if you has to stop for whatever reason, they is going to fuck you up. sometimes semi will pull up directly behind you even. a sport ute is bad enuff, a semi is like 50 times heavier. I mostly don't have that problem because I mostly drive around 55 MPH in the slow lane, so erry one passes me in the fast lane, but sometimes if I is in hurry, and I want to do like 70 in fast lane, that is terrible, because always people piling up behind you, riding your ass, tailgating you. when that happens, only one thing to do. two things actually. first try put on flashers. sometimes that works and they back off. usually not. other thing to do, is slow down to 40 MPH, right there in fast lane. I don't hit the brakes, I just put on flashers and take it out of gear. (is stick shift) and pretty soon they give up and they pass you. I will do that with a semi behind me too, I don't give a fuck. Is sort of defeats purpose of wanting to drive fast, but what can you do, better to drive safe without a whole line of assholes tailgating you than to be fast. two seconds following distance, assholes. two seconds. absolutely minium. if you is going 70 MPH, that is distance of rougly 60 meters in two seconds. (meter is kinda lika yard) so average car is what maybe 5 meters so that is distance of 12 car lenghts safe to follow distance. most people do 6 at the most. I could not date someone or be with woman who follows at unsafe follow distance. can't be with someone that dumb fucking stupid. or who smokes cigarette. weed is different weed is okay at least you get some good drug from weed, and some study show that weed helps to protect against cancer, even though at the same time it has more cancergerans than cigarettes, the protective factor of thc helps to offset. but smoke cigarette? What kind of pussy ass drug is the nicoteen? you a pussy if you addicted to nicoteen. if you can't quit nicoteen, then life is maybe just too rough for you and you need to just shoot yourself in tha head or go drive on that turnpike tailgate someone until you has an accident and impale windshield wiper in your head. best is people who is tailgate and who is directly next to semi at same time. look at me look at me I is building my own coffin. dumb fucks don't understand some shit. when time to pass semi, I put myself behind semi, in passing lane, not next to semi, but behind it, so if semi suddenly change lane he in front of me not run me over or so if I suddenly has blowout or something I not veer under semi cut my roof off or get run over. I put myself behind semi. wait for when driver in front of me has proceeded past semi, then I pass semi. it is usually while wait for clear that asshole start to tailgate me, so then I drop out of gear slow down until the start to pass me, then if I is kinda feeling like they is asshole, or if there is too many other idiot behind them, then I speeds up again, keep them from pass me, back to position behind semi, wait for clear to pass. I mean fuck, how hard is to figure out "maybe this guy doesn't want me to tailgate him." they is in such a hurry to advance 5 meter so they can tailgate car in front of me, while this car is in process of pass semi at rate of speed of 1/2 mph faster than the semi. most times however I just let the cars proceed to tailgate guy in front of me if at all possible, just get out of they way. sometimes when they tailgate idiot riding next to semi, it help the idiot to move out of the way. sometime it result in deadly accident. either way, I don't want to tailgate people, even for purpose of pressure them to get the fuck out of the way. It's bad enough for you when someone tail gate you, but is even more dangerous for you when you tailgate someone else, because then you has no control over what idiocy they might do in front of you. I looked up my old gf once (okay, maybe it was about 200 times) and one time when I look her up on the google I found her in court records posted online for DUI. she has kid too. I wonder if she ever dumped that pot smoking drunkard of a boy friend she was with. she hasn't mentioned him to me in a long time so maybe he is gone. I would imagine. she was quite a bit in love with him last time I saw her, but hten again she had just met him. I wonder maybe reality set in after a while that he is loser. ah well. what can you do. don't tailgate, and don't put up with it when people tailgates you. be good to yourself peeps. peace out.

whew. i got to "dumb bitches!", then my eyes hurt too much to read any more.

What IS up with those ads? Seriously!

You left off the Ohhhh Shitttt!! and/or a Be goed two uyr mom shes teh onli oen you got bro but otherwise chubbied for longest post on a single breath.

"Safety Margarine" hits record stores spring 2010.

cancergerans

tl;dr.imswtfl,itbga20libgu

when i was in kindergarten there was a little girl in my class that lived up the street from me and i used to play with her all the time. i dont remember any kind of "kid-bf-gf" kind of stuff, but we were friends and our mothers were friends. anyhow, one day she was out playing on the sidewalk in front of her house and some drunken cockhead ran her over and she died. that cockhead sonofabitch got out of jail after 9 months. so, no, they sometimes stay a kid themselves.

if you ever want to steal a dead body out of a cemetery it's best to go for the kids otherwise you might wind up like those crooks on the funny TV shows where the show the surveillance video trying to steal an ATM and gets it out the front door and then can't lift it into his pickup truck and has to drive away without it.

The average baby coffin will fit in the bed of a pickup truck easily

The average baby coffin will fit in the back of a Civic (best to put a groundsheet over the back seat, though).

I would have thought the bed of a pickup would accomodate virtaully any coffin, barring those bespoke ones used by the can't-leave-my-apartment whale people. However, I'm just speculating, as adult coffins are outside my area of expertise.

the average baby(or young child) coffin can be used to make music:

[IMGS OFF]

Fuck that man.

Yes, fuck him to h-e-double hockey sticks.

Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a bass man.

no, seriously. whats the big deal?

Pretty simply, it's dumb. It's like Marilyn Mansonm shitting fire to light Edgar Allen Poe's cigar which is a small mummified pharaoh and his hat is the head of Pope John Paul II. Extremely overdone macabre. We can't allow it.

thats the point.... tongue-in-cheek, dude.

Tongue-in-booty-cheek.

Nah, it's a bit too elaborate to be tongue-in-cheek. So say I.

glenn danzig is too elaborate to be tongue-in-cheek.

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but wherever it is, I defend your right to go there. However, I must ask that you please refrain from comparing the Nekromantix to the work of Glenn Danzig in any way. Not only doesn't it help your argument, but it physically hurts my eyes to read that.

you's like what you like and i like what i like. sometimes, the 2 categories have items in common. sometimes, they dont. in the end, were all bro's.

Don't you make perfect sense at ME, young man! Say more opinions with which I disagree THIS INSTANT!

Its a good idea that europeans killed a lot of the aboriginal people on this side of the planet. their culture was dark and they were ignorant. (before anyone gets all up in my butthole, big as billy-be-frigged, please notice how overly sarcastic i am being. i actually hate europeans.)

You're still not getting it. Opinions with which I disagree, please.

i guess im just too damn nice.

On water?

in a house, with a mouse, etc.

Aside from your good self, what is nice on water, anyway?

All I can think of is "being stoned" and "an inflatable raft bearing a suitably naked and supple person".

Quote:

an inflatable raft bearing a suitably naked and supple person

..just wanted to see it typed out again in all its glory

Gee, cracklewater, I hope the guy with Philippe-in-his-smiley-car as his avicon knows this already, but just in case:

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212008

[IMGS OFF]

Thank you! I genuinely didn't make the connection.

I'm well aware of Philippe's later protagonist craving his signature drink of cold water, but I'd forgotten how nice Philippe gets on the stuff.

Precisely. I made my profile the day after this comic was posted, I think.

[IMGS OFF]
HUBBA HUBBA

The click clack of a typewriter as typed by an otter who is five, the lie of a robot, the paranoid food-related slam poetry of a depressed cat, the thong of a rich French-American cat who cannot rock the bloatee, the Longshoreman's Heimlich of an alcoholic tiger, the wedgie of a bear, these are all nice on water.

But I guess that raft's not inflatable.

And I think he's the wrong kind of supple. The bad kind. The repressed memory kind.

your sentence nearly left its apostrophe behind

also, i wasnt sure where i was going, either....

Isn't he called Glen Gdansk, these days?

either way, it sounds more tough/exotic/scary than anzalone...

Analzone? How may I get to this fabulous-sounding place?

I'm guessing it's the second stop after Interzone, if WHB has anything to say about it.

"WHB"? ... sorry, I'm ashamed.
WSB

dIsAgGrEmEnT bOx

Alice Cooper was both elaborate and tongue-in-cheek.

GOOD THING NO ONE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIM

My point is that it is fully possible to be both elaborate and tongue-in-cheek. One does not preclude the other.

But usually you can tell when someone is in on the joke that is themselves. The coffin bass man does not appear to be in on the joke.

whats wrong with that?

This man is trolling people IRL

New Hampshire attracts some very dedicated trolls

please 'splain.

I ask for clarification here a minute: does "Tacodor" come from the alt-text's rape of Teodor's name, or what? I find it funny and see only that as a connection. Prty intristed, plz respnd!!!!

-Doug J., 57, Boise, ID

I think it first arose after daidai's comment about 'The Guests Gather'.

(At least, that's the first time I used my 'Tacodor' photobuggery.)

Ah yes, the humble origins. Thank you hamscout, and please excuse my chubby towards you.

Watch where you're pointing that thing!

It's always shown up as TAcodor for me, and I wondered if there'd been a Thing about it in the comments. To be more precise, I knew there must be one, but had never seen it.

Thanks for that link!

I could be wrong, but I think that's what happens when one tries to copy and paste the little accent (whatever it's called) above the "e." Come to think of it, I probably am wrong.

Nah, I'm pretty sure it is that. And I thought that it did originate from the alt text on one strip, where it happened to Onstad hisself.

It happened on pretty much every alt text that mentioned T�odor (damn you Assetbar). It was more like T@codor though. Dunno why.

TA`[copyrightsymbol]odor, as I see it/remember it.

[IMGS OFF]

that's pretty funn... hey! wait a minute!

fuck you i can't chubby anymore. assbar doesn't know who i am.

it worked for me. assetbar.com and it's sub domains have been having trouble resolving tonight, maybe that was the problem.

Do you know who you are talking to, Assetbar? Do you?

thanks for reminding me i have to deal with my life, asshole.

(enjoy your chubby.)

Guys, it is my birthday.
I got Worst Song, and it is awesome. Also, now I'm old enough for you guys to be creepy at me and it to be okay!

Smokin a bowl for your bday

blimey, 18 already.

now you're too old for us Assetpedophiles :(

D: it makes me sad, too. I liked being jailbait!
But, I still look like I'm about 12.

do you have a younger sister?

Oh missbee, here in NY you were legal a year ago.

Sorry you still look 12. Call me when you look 13 (no fear, I'm hung like an 11 year old).

That's better than being hung like a black man (what with the rope burns and all)

i give a shit ur an agin' female? fuck it wit dat shit idevenc. join teh fuckin glub

Bah, where's the fun...

for me, you haven't actually been jailbait the entire time I've been on assetbar, due to the convoluted nature of local consent laws.

Anyway, happy birthday, missbee!

Thank you, wazza!

i prefer to think more in terms of 'death penalty' bait...

I don't have a younger sister, 52. Sorry, man.

cousin? niece? next door neighbor? throw me a bone here! wait... wrong metaphor...

Hm...how young we talkin' here, Mr. 52?

I suspect Mr 52 has no lower limit on his desires.

if i were an older mang id think id feel teh sam ways abot john wayne n kirk douglas as i do for lik jcvd n fredy highmore cuz i saw a bit of war wagon on amc other night an my god does guys realy do it for me n i oslo remember dat black n white move they was in were they was in teh navy and kirk rapes a chick then 'suicide missions' onto teh japs er w/e.

its like i dint even no der was and library of sush good finks lik findin out abot ninja all ove again

All I got out of this: ninja olive oil

All over your gin?

I went to visit Achewood but wound up typing the url for facebook instead, just now. True story.

u type urls? the fuck?

it works most of the time for most people, but not all...

And full words and capital letters. It's pretty crazy. I'm pretty crazy.

But not, apparently, complete sentences.

wow I remember back when I would find MLM pyramid schemes on VHS tapes I got at a rummage sale. now they're on the internet.
http://www.my.blastoffnetwork.com/thomasjdigiovanni63

First, let me say I love the comment threads where all the trolls hate on one another. Priceless, man.

But really: Ha! Look what's in the Times today:
[IMGS OFF]

(No, I don't know how to resize an image, and if they disallow hot-linking I don't care enough to move a copy to photobucket or what-have-you.)

Sorry for this test. It will probably fail.
[img=333x625]http://eatingtheroad.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/whereshouldieat.jpg[/img]

Dunkin' Donuts needs to be after the West Coast cut-off as we don't really have them out here. Likewise In-and-Out is more of a Southern California thing than a West Coast one. It can be rather hard to find them outside of that area because they only have one or two distribution centers (and since they don't freeze it that limits the distance) and the own all the stores themselves.

I'm also quite disappointed to fail to see Carl's Jr./Hardees on the list. It should have a special choice of whether you feel like living anymore (No -> get the tacos).

Cookout should be on there as well. It's a very small chain, only in North Carolina, South Carolina, and maybe Georgia -- but it is the best fast food in the country bar none. I have had In-and-Out and it cannot compare.

At Cookout you get a burger, drink and two sides for 5 bucks -- and they consider CHICKEN NUGGETS a side and HUSH PUPPIES a side.And they are good nuggets and hushpuppies too.The burgers are just as good as In-and-Outs and they come with so much more for the price.

And for an extra .75 your drink can be a shake which mixes any number of over 40 ice cream flavors.

It is one of the only things I miss about North Carolina.

I am not going to buy fast food from nice pete...

"Not to be picky, but this burger's got a finger in it."

Hush Puppies? Will they upgrade that to some Stride Rites for 75 cents, too? Man, I wouldn't miss that place either, y'all eating shoes that got a dang dog on the box.

I am in North Carolina. I am glad you brought up Cookout. Everyone come to North Carolina and hang out with me // get a heavenly milkshake that is an entire meal.

I used to wonder about the North American obsession with diabetes. No longer.

All North American diabetics live in North Carolina. Also, is it pronounced "dy-uh-bee-teez" (yes) or "dy-uh-bee-tus" (I hate rednecks)? Discuss.

You callin' Brimley a redneck?

Yeah, Cookout ain't half bad. Good shakes. Fries are just OK, i think, but pretty good burgers. I'd take it over overrated fucking Five Guys anyday.

I keep trying all these places that everyone says has the best burgers, and my reaction is consitently nonplussed. I...I just can't get worked up over a burger anymore, man.

I never thought it would be like this.

I recently had a related revelation that there is no such thing as fried chicken that isn't great. Everyone is always like, 'such and such has the BEST fried chicken," but now I am old enough to realize if it's chicken, and it's fried, it's fuckin' good.

Yeah, man! YEAH!

Fuckin' A!

I don't know, I had some really good fried chicken a bit ago. One of those overpriced upscale comfort food places decided to open a window selling it in an alleyway near the ballpark and they do a damn good job with some tasty-ass spices in there. Plus, chicken and waffles. Not exactly my scene, but I have to commend them for doing it. I mean, I'm not about to pay $20 for a fried catfish dinner, but when I can get a two piece with waffles or a po'boy for $7.50 that's rockin' me pretty hard in the flavor can.

Dammit, I need to make a post that isn't just about local hipster food.

Come live in Amsterdam for a year or two, until the near-complete absence of decent restaurants or takeaway food makes it seem like Burger King makes a good burger and Dominos makes a good pizza. Terrifying.

I really want to try this Cookout place you speak of. Can anyone mail me one of those $5 meals? Even after a couple of weeks in transit, it will still probably outshine what's available locally.

There is a local spot that actually does some damn good burgers, but they're doing them all fancied up.

It's a blend of aged short ribs, chuck, and brisket done up in some odd form they call "granulation" (it's apparently based off of a technique developed by Heston Blumenthal where the ground strands are loosely formed into a "column" and then sliced into patties) and then seared in beef fat. Topped off with cheese, carmelized onion, and caper aioli on a toasted bun from a local bakery of repute.

Eight bucks (one of which goes to charity) and they're operating out of the meat counter of a Chinese supermarket in the Hispanic part of town. Which also since become the hipster part of town and why they're doing this sort of thing. It's kind of a cool idea that people are offering delicious food out of odd locations where they can rent space for cheap since they can't afford their own place mixed with a big load of pretension for trying to be all underground.

All I can say is that I dreamed about one of those fucking things last night.

On a side note what the fuck is up with putting burgers on the griddle lately? Crust?!? What the fuck is wrong with you people! Burgers have to be done on the goddamn grill so you get that delicious smoky flavor. Yeah, I've had griddled burgers and enjoyed them, but it's not the same thing. It's like enjoying some deep-dish pizza. It's a special deviant pleasure, but not one that replaces the proper way.

Still, J. Kenji Alt's replication of the Shake Shack burger sounded pretty solid. Any idea how he couldn't get that in Cook's Illustrated? It beats the everliving fuck out of his fairly generic and half-assed beef stew recipe in the current issue. I mean, anchovies to increase beefy flavor? Why in the fuck do you think we've all known about using Worcestershire sauce all these years. Not to mention acting like putting in a dollop of tomato paste was some sort of secret.

Oh dear, I've gone and become a crazy rambling idiot... moreso.

"... moreso."

You do not miss Cheerwine?

In addition to no Hardees, there isn't a Culver's or A&W.

And who would stop going to In-N-Out that early? Shit, that's crazy. It's practically the only reason to live in California.

The spot in Daly City with In-N-Out next to Krispy Kreme is simultaneously the best and worst thing ever. That it is basically the only place nearby to find either just makes it so much worse.

Worse... or better?

man straight up fuck tim horton's

it would be worth learning how to resize an image after that behemoth

if resizing an image was desirable then assetbar would have such functionality built-in. Are you questioning the assetbar?

Yeah, like, I tried to resize it in bbcode (see failure above, immediately following behemoth), but Assetbar just doesn't support that.

Assetbarista is the daring rebel who fights on behalf of the people and gives us the basic things that we desperately need!
_
/_\
/ \

Douglas Fairbanks has already agreed to return to life in order to star in The Mark of Assetbarista.

Damn, why did Assetbar take out my spaces? I mean, I can understand the problems of font width, but there's no goddamn reason to remove spaces! How does it know I wasn't writing words there?

It has become sentient and it hates us deeply.

Obfuscate seems to be a choice word this week.

romanian chimney sweeps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Vp6RvUH7lg

I wonder if this is part of Chris 'BUY MY SHIT!' Onstadt's big plan to deliver more strips, more often!

[IMGS OFF]
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it-

I thank you all -

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

We are the champions - my friends

I know it was you Chico. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

I'm your older brother, Groucho, and you're taking care of me? Did you ever think about that?

[IMGS OFF]

so I found this list of... 'communities.'
http://www.ic.org/
some of them are more cult-like than others.

i usually get the youtube click around syndrome, within the first 7 clicks i get something cool like this shit right here

"Hur hur more strips more often" IT'S GOING ON FOUR DAYS ONSTAR LET'S GO DANCE MONKEY DANCE

ONSTAN TROLLS US YET AGAIN

you got to live
for yourself
for yourself and nobody else

I've been trying to rate this strip for days, and it never records my vote. It is as if I have done nothing at all. Basically, what in the hell? WHAT? IN? THE? HELL?

sorry about that. I discovered an exploit that allowed you to force other people to give out lames and chubbies, and that also allowed to to force other people to rate strips, and I kinda went a little crazy with it. they fixed the chubby and lame thing, and it looks like they have disabled rating strips pending a fix for that too.

You know a lot about Assetbar, especially considering it's not a widely-used forum software...

AIU = Onstad?

I'll say that again.

Is AIU really Chris Onstad?

Discuss.

Discuss deeze nuts.

"Can't talk now, I'm three-ballin'!"

Wow, what an original response, was that created with or without the family braincell you pig-f*cking retard?

Do you blowfish your mother's hot, bloody bunghole with that mouth?

(I'm not sure if I'm doing this right)

No, no you're not.
Please refer to earlier porcine-screwing remark.

Because it was such an original, creative, interesting response, right?

At least mine has the vague mystery (albeit easily explained) of how your ma's bunghole came to be hot and bloody. I was considering going with 'suppurating' or 'purulent', but I didn't want to risk startling you. "Hot brass coin" was another alternative, but it seemed a bit abstract.

PS - "Spartacus" has an 'r' in it.

If by the term 'vague mystery' you mean undefined and ambiguous, you hit the mark. 'Discuss deeze nuts' sounded like it took .5 seconds to think of and means seven-eighths of f*ck all to me. And even better, by choosing this remark over some of your more eloquent choices, you assume I'm some kind of pig-f*cking retard. Perhaps you should read some of my posts over the years and you will see I%u2019m at least a little above the bottom of the evolutionary tree.
N.B. fairplay with the Spartacus spelling, now put that line back in nice-on-water%u2019s ear whence I placed it, If you're nice enough I'll give you a personalised insult to play with.
Many thanks.
P.S. I'd lay off the bloody bunghole fantasies if I were you, I think you're in danger of unseating a repressed memory of your Dad and a loofah, perhaps that's why you shudder every time you watch documentaries about subtropical vines, hmmm?

get a room you two

I find it quite weird when people type 'f*ck' on the internet. I mean, you're writing the word for all intents and purposes. You're causing it to be mentally spoken in the heads of people who read your text, so why the aversion to typing good old 'fuck'?

Since you're happy (as am I) to employ images of bestial buggery, it seems especially odd to wuss out when it comes to the actual 'fuck'. Gnome sane?

Is the asterisk intended to circumvent Sin itself or hypothetical comment moderation?

What was that you said about porpoises in tents?

[IMGS OFF]

Fuuuuck. It was a weird Glastonbury that year.

Dammit, now I've gotta go jack myself raw in the Shame Closet.

Thanks a lot Jeff.
(I mean that sincerely. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic)

Though it could have been a slip why would anything be moderated here? We all clearly know it isn't moderated in the least and as for content, well... roll standard rock-hard cat cock montage

That's just it. It's faintly annoying to see "f*ck" rendered anywhere. On achebar it's just plain weird, especially in combination with an uninhibited pig-fucking reference.

There's nowt so queer as folk.

Well, it's just a crazy idea. Sort of like how nobody seems to take issue with bowdlerization through the use of another word, like Battlestar Galactica's use of "frak". We know what it means. What know what it's a stand-in for. More importantly, however, the meaning and intent is exactly the same. It seems to come from a deeply odd place where people fear the actual word itself rather than it's use.

[i]"Betelgeuse... Betelgeuse... Betelgeuse!

...

Oh fuck, now I'm stuck in some giant's armpit."

Fuck ... FUCK ... FUCK!

[IMGS OFF]

well, in some cases, bleeping it out actually generates a STRONGER image than spelling it out. Such as in this animated clip Maybe that's what Mr. Convers was channeling?

Very true, Arrested Development used this to notable effect. But rarely is this the case.

It's fuunier that way f*ckface. Stop over-analysing.

As is spelling 'fuunier' with two 'u's and one 'n'.
BAD KEYBOARD! BAD, BAD, KEYBOARD!

Don't put nothing in my ear I didn't ask you to please AND thank you!

Also hey wow you're not fun to play with.

Don't be puttin no ding dang ol worm in my ear either, Mr. Khan.

AIU = troy_convers????

AIU = nice-on-water?????
I'm Spatacus!
No. I'm Spatacus!

AIU = everyone

AIU is All Inside Us (non-sexually)

Actually, I'd like to take this opportunity to reserve SpataCuss as my MC name.

html is pretty standard stuff. you can browse through all the javascripts that make up assetbar simply by hitting "view source" and then extrapolating the URLs of the scripts from the relative URLs at the top of the page, but none of the exploits I have ever discovered relied in any way on any of assetbar's source. it's always been stupid stuff, like realizing that I can embed my own javascripts into fields that are subsequently rendered intact. that's like one of the most basic exploits out there. you'd think that no one should make that mistake anymore, ever. yet, twitter made that mistake a few months ago. But then again, the folks who run twitter have had a long string of security failures.

currently, there are something like one billion PCs, worldwide, that are infected with malicious software.

crazy stuff.

Hmm that is true 'Chris', I used to change the scripts on the folder files in Windows the same way (well up to XP anyway; haven't tried it on Vista or 7 yet).

Assbar won't let me rate this strip.

When I try to chub or lame, I get this message:
We are having trouble identifying who you are. Please logout and relogin.

I think AIU would like to steal your worthless, old login I.D. data is what I think.

One guess I have is that maybe they have changed assetbar so that it gives you that error ("trouble identifying who you are") if the referrer on the 'chubby' or 'lame' request is not m.assetbar.com. But I could be wrong. it could have to do with cookies and milk and cows or whatever. maybe you need to try using a different web browser.

They're still working fine for me. granularsilica is probably using a computer that basically has AIDS.

AIDS -- Assetbar Identification Distrust Syndrome.

AIUDS?

An IUD that looks like a troll doll?

[IMGS OFF]

Dear God that is horrible I'm sorry

Man, what was up with troll dolls? I remember we were obsessed with them, and I remember never comprehending why.

Man, IUDs have killed too many good men to be joking about.

My cousin had his crotch blown off by an IUD while on patrol in Scunthorpe.

Scunthorpe sounds exactly like a crotch getting blown off.

As with many ancient British place-names, like Leicester (lester) and Cholmondeley (chumly), it's not spoken phonetically by the natives.

The 's' and 'r' are actually silent, and it's pronounced 'cunt-hope'.

I can chubby you...and have (just because I can!)

Sorry, can't return the favor yet.

*
o Av05
scottawesome: meh, I've had worse.
8 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (1) Reply %u2192
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trakka62: are you a yorkshireman?
2 minutes ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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spyguitar: How filthy it is, to desire sex with one's wife.
6 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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defiler: mom-mom? diaperelle? This is his wife's mother I would say.
39 minutes ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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monkeybomb: I don't think CBS will be calling Onstad up to produce a stop-motion animated special about Father Christmas. They would probably fear too many suicides.
4 hours ago / Cheer (1) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
o Av05
infanttyrone: I for one would watch the hell out of some Rankin/Bass lil' Nice Pete splitting logs in sped-up motion, all shooting at the suits from city hall while the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack plays...
2 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
o Av05
jasmine: It's A Very Postal Christmas, Nice Pete
18 minutes ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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rickv: Wow. Just wow.
4 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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stonecrab: Hallmark Presents: "Christmas with the Cropes!".
4 hours ago / Cheer (4) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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jbcopy: Hellmark
52 minutes ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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philophobe: Chris, I'm curious if you've taken any inspiration from Cormac McCarthy in writing Nice Pete's character. In my mind, he seems especially to have an affinity with Judge Holden from Blood Meridian (which, I think, is still McCarthy's best, although both Suttree and The Road are nearly equal, Oprah notwithstanding).

None of which is a criticism, by the way. Who doesn't love to wake up on a -20 windchill Thursday to read another tale from the formative years of an occasionally gentlemanly sociopath?
4 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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robstrong: Mom-mom: Pete's mother or mother's mother?
3 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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filler: Mom-mom: The mother so nice, they named her twice.

It's Pete's mom. There's no way any man, no matter how drunk, or how West Virginian, would desire sex from his mother-in-law.
3 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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tripperday: Are you saying my brother-in-law thinks my mother is ugly?

DO NOT MAKE ME COME OUT OF THIS SHIRT
2 hours ago / Cheer (2) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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nbgreene: I got chills when he described his fascination with the mannequins that didn't have feet sticking out below the trousers.

side note -- I'm a Suttree guy myself.
3 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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mikeybmore: is that the best way to get rid of the man from the county? I've been going about this all wrong, 'scro. No one says it like Pete.
2 hours ago / Cheer (1) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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tripperday: The man from the county is witness to circumstances.
1 hour ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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aaronw79: Ho Ho Ho! Jesus Christ, Onstad. Awesome.
2 hours ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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jbcopy: Agreed. This installment is a perfect example of what I meant in my post to the last strip when I said "...great in that way that 'great' doesn't begin to describe."
43 minutes ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192
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chrisfurniss: It is one thing to know exactly how a particular kind of man's mind works, it's another to be able to perfectly express it. I want a whole book of Nice Pete.
1 hour ago / Cheer (0) Jeer (0) Reply %u2192

This reminds me way too much of me.

I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT OF A PERSON ON THE INTERNET

Chubby for reading all the way to the last comment here.

This is the moment, when I've been getting caught up on a newly discovered webcomic for a couple days or weeks, and I realize I'm very close to the point where I only get 2 maybe 3 strips a week...
I'm almost caught up.

there is an achewood archive loop box

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