Unrelatedly, for some reason I've always read spinynorman's name as spinyornma. I never thought I was mildly dyslexic before, but now I've got to take stock.

Odd. I only just realised it was Spiny Norman, not Spinynor Man. This is despite having no idea of what a "Spinynor" might be and thus only the vaguest sense of SpinynorMan's wonderful abilities. Apparently I needed to encounter Jesus as a caped bipedal dog before I could move on. I'm not sure if the accompanying chord was E#m but it was definitely played on a Casiotone sampling a herd of flatulent sheep.

Don't forget. Which is to say, remember. Because remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgetting.

Obscure as hell waking life reference? I remember that from high school.

Dude, were you in Bruno Dahlgren's Comparative Religion class, too?

Associating you with Stephen Fry is so much better than thinking of you as an 800 yard long hedgehog.

Or the Joker.

Oh you did not just say "Blagosphere."

You did NOT.

Sorry, channeling XKCD.

Hey, I was reading about the Ouroboros just the other day. Small world.

Sorry, but the Ouroboros Ourobores me. The Wheel of Time is much more geekishly satisfying.

I always get hella confused between the ouroboros and the amphisbaena. It is time this was remedied for once and for all. It's time to beat some Wikipedia into my brain.

This might be the best post ever. Bravo, sir.

Not only is that story good but I am happy that your name is actually Norman. It is a good name.

it's okay, I don't think her name is really Magarky

Right, it's actually Blargha.

A gentleman doesn't eat his spew until after the lady is well clear of the vicinity.

He also never farts before a lady. The lady is always allowed to go first.

When I was but a young lad, I had the misfortune to fart in front of my girlfriend's mother after having dinner with her family for the first time. And it wasn't one of those quiet ones you can pass off on the chair creaking or anything, it was a terrible, nasty sound that emanated from my buttocks.

Needless to say, I was mortified. But her mother just looks at me with these terrible, accusing eyes and says "How DARE you pass wind before me!?"

I went beet-red and apologised. "Damned right you're sorry!" she says. There`s a pregnant silence. "It was MY turn!"

Turns out fucking with her daughter's boyfriends was a hobby of hers.

What is wrong with you for posting that?

What is wrong with me for having to leave my desk in a fit of the giggles because of it?

The astute observer will also notice that the dog, virtually immediately after regurgitating, begins licking the ochre-colored mess it made with barely concealed curiosity in a typical canine twist on the old adage, "what goes in must come out".

It's probably my favourite thing about that GIF, as far as having any favourite thing about a GIF of two dogs humping followed by one of the dogs vomiting profusely is reasonable and justified (as opposed to indicating a questionable state of mind).

...which, were I said astute observer, I would've noticed was pointed out already one year ago by a Mr spinynorman.

I am that dog; the puddle is my asset.

actually, Hamagarky. It's Englishin origin. Hamagarky Glockensmermer Ippy.

Do you have a brother named Hermish?

cousin twice removed!

My hat is off sir. Possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read, and certainly the funniest in a long time.

How does this deserve a lame? Tell me. YOU TELL ME YOU COWARD!

I'm glad someone's got my back, thanks.

It was him, you know. Norrin was talking to himself.

fortunately, my toy poodle has yet to exhibit anything that gruesome.

There's a dog a comic can be based on. Shadow the Giant Poodle aka Super-Shit-Picker-Upper.

aka geddit?

That is basically the best story ever. Chubby!

Satan would be a Labradoodle. Those things are wholly unnatural and such a beast could only be forged in the pits of hell.

I always forget, it's refresh, then reply. Now it looks like I was copying phy's idea because he posted in the two minutes between my post and the most recent refresh. Damn you assetbar for not having an autorefresh feature.

Don't go blaming Assetbar for your failures.

Or blame it if you want, I'm all for unloading blame that belongs to me on others.

also holy unnatural.

I second this.

that show's series of books is how i read The Red Badge of Courage, Journey To The Center of The Earth and Beowulf.

what's the story, Wishbone? do you think it's worth a look?

dang but that show and Magic School Bus have theme songs that'll stick with you for eternities. (also Beakman's World.)

Ah yes, nothing was better than popping an E to the opening of Bill Nye the Science Guy.

I guess that's as good a way as any to learn about your internal body chemistry.

the songs at the end of those shows were totally rad.

those shows

THESE KNIVES!

THIS

HEART OF MINE

Man, that dog could read!

Black Labrador (you would never expect it) voiced by Tommy Lee Jones.

Count on it.

gilbert gotfried

Hell is Other People's Small Dogs.

This exact situation has already been done by Disney in 1988

I'm not sure what happened there, but I surrender.

So, does this mean Marmaduke is Satan?

Marmaduke is far too ineffectual to be Satan. He'd be lucky to even be a low-level demon.

No, I'm afraid Marmaduke is exactly what he appears to be: a poorly-scribbled, stupid dog.

Damn, that was so unexpected it made me laugh out loud.

Jesus is merciful and does not allow them to develop the ability to double click.

People don't use the internet, the internet uses them. Mostly for mocking.

AIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

I take this oppertunity to make another Warhammer related comment, brought to you by Games Workshop Limited.

Does anyone remember "That's One Dysfunctional Dog", by the same folks who brought us "Dysfunctional Family Circus"? Admittedly it wasn't as good as DFC, but it actually made Marmaduke comics funny.

Well, he's just an excitable dog.

Fermata, it was very convenient to falseprophet that you were female.

completely true. chubby time.

oh dog dick i'm out

I got you covered

on cool fire.

also flaming

And possibly smoldering.

Involved in a significant conflagration, then? Is that correct?

certainly combusting, that much should be doubtless.

Satan could be any breed of dog, but it'd be a furry underneath its canine appearance.

Clearly he would be a bearded shepherd collie.

jesus would be a pound mutt, of course. probably get put down when the whole kennel started acting funny. new religion based on needles and dent-a-bones instead of crosses and fish.

Brilliant!

Satan would be a dachshund voiced by Doc Hammer

Interestingly, a friend of mine, who has a Springer Spaniel, also has a much older dog who once ate an entire bowl of Hershey's Kisses, foil and all. I guess it can't be THAT bad for them.

My dog once ate a pound of chocolate-covered esspresso beans. Aside from being a very caffinated dog for about six hours, she was fine and is still pretty alive today.

When I was a kid, my dogs ate my sister's and my Halloween candy every single year. They also ate their own shit, and one of them would eat socks that dropped from laundry baskets, so she could hear how strange her own barking sounded when she had a sock caught in her throat (usually we did not have to take her to the vet as she slowly asphyxiated, but not always). One time, they split a bag of rat poison. We were not that worried about the chocolate Halloween candy, all things considered.

My mom's...uncle or somesuch once had a dog that, at various times, ate a) a lightbulb, b) a motorcycle seat, and c) a car battery. The dog was completely unharmed by all of them.

jesus would be a springer spaniel.

one with allergies

... be sniffling at the last supper and such

why is roast beef dressed like an angry blue-collar father?

i am definitely more curious as to what sort of bet it was that the stake of Beef becoming such as an angry blue-collar father was not considered ridiculous.

Why do I find the image of Beef as Blue Colalr Father, strangely appealing?

Well shit fuck. I apologise for my pathetic spelling.

deud dt worire about ti!!!

He is highly cool

i love clits so much

i love to make girls happy

salks
socks
sucks

I hope it feels so good to be right.

whoa, what?

Indeed he is. Despite his actions. He is epitomising a form of cool last seen in the 20's.

dude don't give theobromine to dogs it does hell of wreckage on their central nervous system and heart besides

According to the internet, which is always right about such things, you can safely give them small amounts of chocolate. I am not a veterinarian, though. All I know is that the dogs looked very happy eating tiny scraps of chocolate.

there was this one animal abuse commercial that ran some time ago. just a blank screen with a dog barking and subtitles come up. some barks and something like "CAR! CAR! CAR!" and then more and "OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL! OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!" come up.

then...eventually..more barks come and it shows "I HAVEN'T BEEN FED ALL WEEK! I HAVEN'T BEEN FED ALL WEEK!"


...aaaand sad.

For any of the dogs I know, it would be more like, "The bichon frise next door gets Frosty Paws dog ice cream, and I just get this stupid nutritionist-analyzed Iams in a custom-painted bowl!"

Why you hafta say that, man? Why you hafta say it?

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07282004

There's a Far Side cartoon where a scientists invents a machine that translates dog barks. As it turns out, everything dogs say is a variation of the word, "Hey!"

That reminds me of the skit in Family Guy...

Family Guy: Brian Goes for a Ride
[cut to Lois driving Brian around]

Brian Griffin [with excitement]: Wait a minute. I know where we are! The park is near here! We're near the park, Lois! Oh, that's the tree! I peed on that! Hey Lois! Lois! There's another dog in that car! Hey, hey! Hey! Hey! There's another dog in that car! Hey! Are you seeing that?! Hey! Hey! Hey! Other dog! Fuck you!

Simon.

Don't quote Family Guy, people will give you heck of lames.

I thought you knew this.

This is true, because they're snobbish hipster douches who will stop liking something the moment that undesirable persons such as frat guys start liking it, regardless of how funny or clever the actual material may be.

Indubitably.

I stopped liking it because my ex used to call me every time it was on EVER and try to get me to watch it with him over the phone. He also quoted it nearly non-stop. It went from "a fun thing we both like" to "a horrible never-ending nightmare."

Knowing something and knowing it is wrong, does not mean that just one time, it can be right. I will likely never quote said material, or other family guy ever again. I feel perfectly justified in a one off, showing I am not an effete snob who despises something just because 'it is not done'.

And if I get heck of lames so be it. I apologise for the double post, I should think my thoughts through further.

It's a good service, though.

All I know is that when they're barking and wagging their tail at the same time, it's the equivalent of a human yelling "GET OFF MY LAWN GODDAMNIT THIS IS MY HOUSE I LIVE HERE I DON'T KNOW YOU!" while at the same time having a huge smile on their face and waving merrily.

Sometimes I wish people had tails or the equivalent thereof. They're like antennas that broadcast your emotion to anyone who sees you.

Naturally, there's going to be penis comparisons in response to this comment, but let's face it, there's not a whole lot of range of emotion that a dong can express. Only angry dongs drawn on Chinese food receipts.

That reminds me of that Margaret Atwood book with the bio-engineered men with penises that turn blue and spin when they are aroused. Oryx and Crake? Am I remembering this correctly?

You're saying this is a fictional book?

This is basically how I imagine my dog's thoughts: HEY! OH BOY! MASTER'S HOME! MY FAVORITE! HEY! OH BOY! FOOD! HEY! MY FAVORITE! Oooh... vet time... bummer... OH BOY! KIDS ARE HERE! YEEEEAHHHH! MY FAVORITE! OH BOY! DOG SHIT! YEAH! MY FAVORITE!

My dog eats greens. Even Brussels' Sprouts, which she wolfs down.

The parrot, however, cannot be in the room with a non-stick frying pan; apparently the fumes kill them.

my cousins' Labrador once ate a whole tray of brownies, and the extent of the damage she sustained was throwing up exactly once.

She never got the chance to throw up a second time? Oh noooo

It's "run over," but I voted you a Chub anywho.

What about cancer of the liver? - says spinynorman.

I love that sketch.

"A... a tommy toe? You mean, a tomato?

Chubbied for the sad method of your dogs' departure.

Also getting to act like an angry blue-collar father is a cool incentive in a bet.

I like the flowchart strips, but I don't see why this one is almost exclusively external monologue when previous ones were almost all internal.

Is Onstad not inside the head of Molly, like he is for the other characters?

Yeah I was thinking how she is still completely a secondary character, and doesn't really exist without beef, hence his involvement in her flow chart.

But his involvement was hilarious, for the record.

What about her blog? I'm no lady, but it seems like a sound representation to me.

well even Emeril has a blog. Her blog is the most forward representation of her as her voice is most clear in it, (how does he write women so well??) whereas I feel for the main characters (Beef, Ray, Philippe) it is a place for highly specialized ramblings, and not a place you go to get to know a character, such as Molly's.

I am down with her though she is a solid lady.

K someone already made that joke directly below me, within eyesight when I was typing it.

Sorry baby, there's no bogartin my lovin cause I never sleep with the same asset twice. Just be glad you got the experience of my sheets and my waffles and stop callin me - it makes you look desperate.

This thread took a turn for the weird.

Smoove B? Is that you?

Not Smoove. Smooooooooooo...

...oooooooooooooooooooooo...

...ooooooooove.

Exaaaactly.

I was replying to and agreeing with rowboat, and like a fool didn't scroll down to see there was another comment. I was replying to rowboat's comment!

Also. A lot of women in real life, they just aren't funny.

I believe Jerry Lewis said it best.

How did he say it?

He said it with a motorcycle and 8 parked busses, the crowd all in a roar.

Oh nice

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY

falseprophet, Onstad is not on anyone's hook, as it were.

Onstad can write what the fuck he wants.

No, no, a thousand times no. There is no reason for Molly to get an arc, precisely BECAUSE she is a 'straight woman' character and is only funny in her interactions with Beef. People mistake likable for funny. Sure, we can all agree she's a nice, sensible, caring girl, perhaps the kind we would like to meet in real life, but this doesn't mean that a comic about her would be funny. It is too late at this point to change her character as drastically as would be required in order for her to be funny on her own.

Secondly, as you yourself seem to suggest, the brutal, dark, cynical humor that is characteristic of Achewood would not work well targeted at female characters. Would you feel comfortable having a female character with Todd's drug addiction or Lyle's forays into porn? I think it goes without saying that the vast majority of readers wouldn't, though why this is the case and what it says about society is an interesting discussion for another time and place.

Anyway, I'm generally against trying to apply affirmative action to webcomics. Achewood works fine just the way it is, and it works for a reason. If you want more woman-centered comics, go read Questionable Content (shitty indie soap opera in my opinion) or Octopus Pie (decent, but not really that funny, probably because for the same reason I said above, which is that nothing overly ridiculous or gross happens to the female characters).

Yes, I realize I just said a bunch and I could've elaborated on plenty of these points, but I'm sure no one wants me to write a term paper on here.

I don't think anyone's disagreeing with you, I pretty much feel the same way. It's just interesting that she's been given a flow chart, as it's the first that has been completely interactive of the other characters and not solely on the character itself.

Just raises some interesting points, which, apparently , if you talk about them correctly, will get you laid at a bar.

I just read witty name's post down there, and he says it right: That's why it is "An afternoon with..." instead of "In the Mind of..."

WE WILL NEVER SEE INSIDE HER HEAD

I AM PRETTY OK WITH THAT THOUGH I DO ENJOY HER BLOG

Best perhaps to accept that these Achewoodians are well-written characters regardless of gender, and it is this writing that makes them seem real that makes them funny, not how funny you personally have problems finding women. Individual women can of course be funny (and Roast Beef and company are not always funny because of gross and ridiculous situations, there are words and attitudes and observations too); if a character is being written as a "woman" rather than as an individual, the failing in characterisation and perhaps humour is there. I don't like the idea that one would think a comic's shitty because it has women in it rather than because it's just shit. We're better than this, people.

(A good test for the Britishers out there- try out opinions on women and comedy by saying them out loud in Bernard Manning's voice, see how you feel).

I'm pretty much in agreement with everything you said, and I wasn't implying that some comics aren't funny because they're woman-centered - I think it's more correlation than causation. But the question of why there aren't more women characters has been brought up, and I was just offering some general ideas about why this is the case, not necessarily saying that this is a good thing. Is it possible to consistently write funny women-centered humor that avoids demeaning media cliches on the one hand and being uncomfortably offensive on the other? Probably. Is it done often? No. I think my example about Todd and Lyle still stands, as well as my point that Molly was written mainly as a support character and we shouldn't demand that she be thrust into a bigger role simply BECAUSE she is a woman. Hope that clears things up.

I agreed with you up until you said "If you want more women-centered comics, go read etc etc" and then proceeded to slam the options given. If my only choices are either male-centered comics or shitty comics, then odds are, I am going to hope that the good comics are more inclusive of similarly gendered people to me.

And I'm not saying that Onstad needs to do that. I love Achewood and wouldn't really change it. I just think it's sad that the options are so limited and sadder still that I might be the only person who is in fact saddened by this.

"I think of a man, and I take away ... "

according to my 8 year old cousin the formula actually stands at "man boobs - a penis"

Assetbar took away the plus sign, and now it looks like you were talking about man boobs. Which is never a good thing.

I really hate that Assetbar suppressed your plus sign. The results are unfortunate.

"usurp and overthrow" is kind of redundant, isn't it?

I for one welcome our new and fresh redundant overlords.

Wait a sec... you all like the IForOneWelcomeOverlords joke?

I do. I think it's because there are so many willing collaborators around that it becomes a dark example of observational humor.

I like it. I did not even know it was a thing, I thought it was just something someone said on the Simpsons once and that was the end of it.

I don't believe i've ever laughed so much at an assetbar comment...ever.

when it comes down to Jesus being a golden lab anything is possible

The remainder of this strip was written in F#. Didn't you see the key signature. The time signature is 13/8.

That doesn't mean an e-sharp minor chord sounds very...Jesus-y. I always imagine that the D sus 4, b9 #11 chords that you always hear on the Hammond B3 organ in Pentecostal services to be hell of holy.

My mind is bleeding. I say we go back to the Grateful Dead, who just make that shit up as they go along.

Goodness, yes. I salute f.y.f's knowledge, but what about Three Chords and the Truth?

What about the Devil's Tritone? Will it REALLY (along with the cicadas) make the metal plate in our head vibrate, and cause us to murder high-schoolers with a giant fishing lure? Or is that just another lie that Troma Team told us?

I was going to make a Terror Firmer reference, but realized I'd just sound creepy to someone who didn't know about pickles or life-affirming turnarounds or that one scene that ended with the Troma-standard car crash.

Your avatar gives me the impression that you are always partying, and that is awesome.

THE SYSTEM IS DOWN
THE SYSTEM IS DOWN

Yeah, my avatar and dj's avatar should get together. That would be rad.

What's best is mousing over the PNDT so that a second PNDT appears on the screen. It's like a little PNDTR (that is, psychadelic neon dancing tyrannosaur rave).

Indeed sir, indeed. Although it may cause seizures in some viewers.

Honestly, I didn't know that music theory knowledge fell under the category of nerd-dom.

I thought it was for people who could rock a DISGUSTING piano and make chicks swoon etc.

But maybe it's just for fruity old men.

A lot of your more DISGUSTING piano (guitar, bass, etc.) rockers with the swooning chicks are not so up on the Theory. If you or fuckyoufriday have both, then more power to you. I'm still pretty much working on the 3 chords end of the spectrum.

Yeah I was thinking more of the dapper concert pianist type of chick-swooning. Though who's to say they can't be combined? Ass in your pants?

ps: I still haven't quite made it to the third chord.

pps: Oh, who am I kidding. I'm Maurizio Pollini.

You have not met my cousin, then.

Is your cousin Ben Folds?

No, not at all, not at all. My cousin is probably a technically better pianist than Ben Folds, but likely far less talented overall. And anyway, my cousin is a classical musician.

But the point was that he knows music theory inside and out and is a fantastic pianist but could probably not make a chick swoon to save his life.

In fitting with the day and your name I would just like to say: FUCK YOU DOUBLE SHARPS.

I think double flats are a little more obnoxious.

What's the point of double flats anyway, fuckyoufriday?

This from an Einstürzende Neubauten fan?

You know all this and you use winamp.

THAT. IS. A. HOMEBOY...and is the paragraph describing everything my high-school band director taught me. i remember it all now. (i do not remember it all now. it is more like i remember being told it all once upon a time.)

Wow I actually understood all of that. Thanks, education!

Personally, I see Beef's comments being sort of along the lines of the lyrics to Tom Waits' "In the Neighborhood."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Tf17PlTsc_s

And the goddamn delivery truck's got me pinned in again.

dammit, ive been beaten to the music nerd punch

It flies into the wilderness, seeking it's prey to bring back to the nest but as soon as it returns and is about to drop the meat into the fledgelings' mouths it flies to the river and washes it over and over again but the dirt just won't come off...

Hot Cross Buns is illegal now. It's a religious tune. Damn liberals.

If they'd outlawed it sooner, there would've been no 9-11.

I heart Zappa.

I counted five instances of "dammit woman."

That's probably the best bet I've ever heard of, fictional or real.

Molly lost the best so Beef gets to act like an angry blue-collar father all day? I'd get sick of that in about 10 minutes. It is cool that he has the outfit ready, though - note the wallet on chain, and name-patch on the shirt. He needs a random motor oil stain to complete the look.

I don't think he won a but, I think they are engaging in a little role playing. Something a bit tamer than Sad Dracula, but he still gets to play the aggressor.

Molly and Beef have a lot of fun like that. Jack and Dianne party, Kraftwerk Thanksgiving. Did they mention any costumes for Kraftwerk Thanksgiving? I think it was Beef's blog that chronicled the event, with Ray being somewhat uncomfortable with the entire ordeal.

He gets to position the special lamp.

damn, that is a horrible way to call a dog stupid

alt text is getting me all sad now

I was going to say something horribly crass here. But then I pulled the book off of my shelf and read the last chapter again for the first time in years and now I think I'm gonna turn the lights out and lay down and try not to think about anything for awhile.

What was it? What were you gonna say?

Don't get too excited. I didn't have anything in mind. It's just that when I read Ohmygooses comment, I thought to myself, "Oooh, I'm definitely going to say horribly crass here!" I decided to thumb through the book to find a way to twist some sad passage into a pertinent and evil joke. Then the book got the best of my milquetoast ass (like it always has) and my cruelty was eclipsed by the Saddest Sadness.

"say SOMETHING horribly crass"

horribly crass

horribly crass

crassly horrible

STICK TO THE FORMULA!

I was hell of shocked by Beef's tone of voice. I'm now hell of relieved to learn it was a lost bet on Molly's part. Beef likes to bet... As close as they are, you would think Philipe would warn her not to make bets with Beef.

"Dammit woman" sounds like classic Monty Python. I used to think it was just a silly act, but when I was in Europe last summer I saw a middle-aged British couple in the restaurant district of Nice that talked exactly like the typical male/female Monty Python characters. The man had a potbelly, shaved head, and a fanny pack, while the woman had a shrewish face and a ridiculous wide-brimmed hat. Their conversation went something like this:

Woman (in high-pitched, screechy voice): I just dawn't loike their main cauwses!
Man (in slurred lager-lout voice): Dammit woman, why dawn't you loike the main cauwses?!
Woman: I just dawn't LOIKE 'em, is all!

It was too perfect. You had to be there.

I am offended by your representation of a British accent. I don't mean that I feel insulted on behalf of my nationality, I mean I tried reading it out loud, and it hurt me.

Well if you guys are going to let BBC sitcoms determine how we think you talk, perhaps you should put people with better enunciation on teevee. I assume everyone from Britain talks like characters from Red Dwarf or the announcers on the BBC news. Is this wrong? Or should I be thinking of Fawlty Towers?

I've been basing most of my English accents on the characters from Coupling. Is this correct heccibiggs

You should trying watching 'Shameless'. Hella accents there.

Coupling is okay. They're all pretty normal. And hilarious, so that helps. Approval GAINED.

Not to mention it actually sounds Australian.

To me it sounds like an exaggerated old-style Cockney. Like out of Oliver! or Sweeney Todd.

hell of sacrilege, yo

DAMMIT WOMAN PHOTOSHOP IS HELL OF SACRILEGE.

No need to explain yourself, sweetie. I just won a bet. DAMMIT DON'T GET ALL WEEPY WOMAN YOU'LL TURN THE BOY GAY

marry me?

You could photoshop yourself getting laid. You could look at that sometimes.

I should've guessed that someone would've already been hitting "post" on a comment like this right as I was deciding to write one. Is perhaps most basic idea.

I'm not gonna lie; I was a little upset that I got two lames for this in spite of the fact that Bourbonsamurai beat me by only, like, five minutes and for the fact that I immediately explained myself. Then I looked and saw that only one of the lamers was an actual person, so it was OK.

I'm feeling sensitive today. It was that damned Algernon reference.

It's a damn travesty that you got Lamed, but then so is complaining bout getting Lamed.

What am I supposed to do, not look? It's too late for that.

But making mention of it - yeah. I deserve what I get.

Why is it that almost all the lames I've received are from people who aren't actual people? Why do they do that?

And why is there a way to look at who lamed you, but not who chubbied you? It's almost like AssetBar was designed to ruin friendships.

It is weird. Sometimes I would like to know who chubbied me. I know that if I were able to look, and one day found that spinynorman or rowboat or drskradley had chubbied one of my posts, I would feel a warm, subtle joy in my heart.

Nooooooo!!! The Internet doesn't think I'm cool!!!! I have failed at Life!

Well everyone gave a great audition and we're sorry that we couldn't find a lead role for everyone, but luckily both the samurai and Wild West were festering with glamorous prostitutes, and those are roles that the Internet finds rad.

My life will not be complete until I see this movie.

And apparently appear in it as well.

Also, TTAGXAMM as Afro Samurai.

I like that this notion of my having been a past winner of The Badass Games: Assetbar Edition comes just down the page from my whiny post about being sensitive.

I like that.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN RESPONSE:
The Serious Response.
- I've never seen The Wild Bunch, but Wikipedia says I get to be Ernest Borgnine, so. No complaints here.
The Fatuous Response.
- I usually have to pay a talented hooker to get a good Dutch Engstrom.

That would be like getting to sit at the cool kids' table in the cafeteria!

It really would.

Man. I need to go sit with the band kids. Again.

I was in the band, dude. We got to go to Washington DC one time. I spilled my drink on a girl while we were in the airplane. It was all good times but I don't think she appreciated it.

Once you're in high school, at least, my high school, the band is actually full of chill people, and become a sort of insular family that somehow gets more tang than the rest of the school combined. My friend was in the band, and I envied him. He eventually became the drum major, and it went to his head. It was weird, because he played clarinet. But apparently the drum major does not actually play drums?

Anyhow, in middle school, being in the band is associated with large orthodontic appliances.

I ain't know why I gotta be lamed... The basenji in that picture is mine :(

Her name is kitiara and I can attest to the fact that they are the worst dog on the planet!

You have a Krynnish Basingi, this is awesome.
Though, I believe that all basenjis are the worst dogs on the planet, they scheme like a woman who hates you, it's all they do.

He's going to be angry that you wrote His name!

The real LORD knows that the accepted contraction of "damn it" is "dammit", not "damnit", goddammit.

WRONGGGGG

Listen, Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, if the above comic isn't proof enough for you, look it up in a dictionary.

I'd refute your post some more but I can't get past your description of me as Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor.

Awesome

this is easily one of the most adorable strips in recent memory. The little "by P M" on the comic is too cute.

technically, E#m would be Fm, and I think El Christo would know such manners. He invented rock and roll.

It is a literary tradition to use Greyhounds as representatives of the holy spirit. I concur with this and believe that CTOs Basenji proposition is just silly. Silliness being the main product of the CTO.

jesus the dog could eat cocoa based products and turn water into, for example, table scraps.

Somehow I think I'd rather have seen this as a normal comic and not a flowchart style thing... We needed a Molly flowchart, but this is like a normal comic dressed in flowchart garb.

But it's all worth it to see Beef depicted such as he is

This is a glimpse of Beef still in Circumstances.

When Roast Beef pretends to be an angry blue collar dad, does he have to listen to Bill Engvall to stay in character? Because that wouldnt' feel like a win.

Bill Engvall does not come across that way dude uh what in hell are you talking about

Kudos to me for putting the strip up to 4.5.

and also for having a conversation about Jesus conjuring Xbox 360 consoles at the same time.

This strip is hell of artistic. Check out the shading on their trousers.

Molly's hair blew my mind.

Given the hair and the stockings, there's just no way it can be denied any longer - Molly's a hipster. There, I said it.

Not to mention that hipsters also think it's cool to pretend to be blue collar by doing things such as drinking Pabst and pretending to like folk rock.

Folk rock is blue collar?

Bruce Springsteen is hella folk rock, and the Boss is hella blue collar.

I guess hipsters really like Bruce Springsteen? I dunno. I thought they were more along the lines of the Old 97s and Sufjan Stevens, and other whiny-voiced vocalists.

That includes Wilco and Josh Ritter. They are country-ish folk rock, and hipsters enjoy them deeply.

Oh man Josh Ritter I love him! Well, I like one song, the rest are kinda not great.

Does that make me a hipster? (P.S. I reall don't knw what the American definition of a "hipster" is. Is it like indie in the UK?)

Probably. "Hipster" actually covers a lot of different types of people, but it basically comes down to "pretentious fucks who like things that aren't mainstream because they aren't mainstream."

Ohhh. Well surely "hipster" is a totally inappropriate name, then, because it implies that they're all about stuff that's "hip". Oh well.

Also, what the HELL was up with my typing in that last comment.

I think you will understand if you consider that to the Hipster, "hip" and "popular" are opposites.

Hipsters are basically people who wish they were beatniks, but were born fifty years too late.

I am touching the tip of my nose with the tip of my index finger to indicate the great accuracy of your comment.

Actually, the original hipsters were the precursors to the beatniks. Today, hipsters wish they could go back to that time, like you say. They are hella annoying to deal with especially if you are a blackman like me. I met this one attractive but very immature young lady whose favorite novel was On The Road and basically only liked me for my dreads and would say things like "God I wish it were the 60s" to which I would simply reply "I sure as hell don't."

I love the Norman Mailer quote about hipsters, which to him are individuals "individuals, %u201Cwith a middle-class background (who) attempt to put down their whiteness and adopt what they believe is the carefree, spontaneous, cool lifestyle of Negro hipsters: their manner of speaking and language, their use of milder narcotics, their appreciation of jazz and the blues, and their supposed concern with the good orgasm.%u201D [5]

Emphasis added.

... Damn.

Which Josh Ritter song? My personal favorites are 'Wolves' and 'Right Moves.'

Girl in the War. I just think it's one of the most beautiful songs ever. People need to get over Hallelujah by Cohen/Buckley/whoever else has covered it, and realise the crazy fantasticness of Girl in the War.

Yeah 'Girl in the War' is an awesome opener. If you haven't, I highly recommend checking out an album he did before that called 'Golden Age of Radio.' 'Come And Find Me' is a standout track.

Which song? I also like just one Josh Ritter song (Kathleen).

Wait, you answered it below. That's what I get for Not Reading All The Way Down.

There's yellow labs, and golden retrievers, but dammit woman, ain't no such thing as a golden lab

Dammit woman, now let's do it doggie-style! (Even though we're cats.) Phillipe, get outta here!

Oh, man. Roast beef has hair. ROAST BEEF HAS HAIR, PEOPLE. THE END TIMES ARE UPON US.

Of course, it's probably just a toupee for the bet. I need to win me one of those bets.

It's cool man, we've still got him for like 40 more years.

and they will go like this. *points at avi*

is it lazy to use the first google image result for basenji?

As the rest of the strip is basically the antithesis of lazy, I'd say "no."

agreed. a very well made strip

Everything else is just dressing for "I lost a bet and now he gets to act like an angry blue-collar father all day."

No, I think the blue-collar thing is funnier when the discussion is about what kind of dog Jehoovah would be.

I'm interested in what Molly stood to win if the bet went her way. Beef gets to let his trailer hang out, what does she get? Given her 'bedroom proclivities' I'm betting it's at least rated R.

Also, a Basenji is a holy dog in old Egyptian religion. They could guard the dead without making noise. Jebus would totally hate being a silent Egyptian dog. I am offended and shall petition Jack Chick to write something about this.

"Jebus" is an interesting typo.

thanks whuppins

There's Jebusites in the bible every once in a while. I don't know what they're doing in there but I like to think all they did was go "Oh SAAVE me Jebus" in a real sarcastic voice

Inexplicably, I really hate it when people say "Jebus."

Molly looks a bit like Janet Weiss here. I'm not a dude who would bone a comic but I have Roast Beef jealousy here.

I had to kick a friend out of my house for banging a comic once.

No one bones Kathy Griffin in my waterbed and gets invited back.

Boning Kathy Griffin would be hella terrible, what with her twitching and making unfunny observations the whole time.

She'd be all like, "Hello?! That'sss not my clit! A-haha!"

It is difficult to represent Kathy Griffin's odd speech patterns in text.

Man, I...I really wish I hadn't made this comment.

But I'm so glad you did.

You're glad you read about Kathy Griffin's clit.

I want Kathy Griffin to have my retarded baby.

TMI TMI

Shit.