Téodor dies.

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NO ONE SURVIVED...BREAST ATTACK ON FUCK MOUNTAIN

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I love the seemingly Requiem for a Dream like sequence. On top of a Joy Division reference, this strip is golden.

Continuity makes this strip golden, in my book.

Nice catch!

I agree, brilliant recall memory.

When I started reading through the archives for the first time, I came across that strip and wondered. So I skipped ahead and here it was, plain as anything. It was possibly at that moment that I fell in love.

no, he didn't.

Ever since December 28th, 2001, Onstad has had a post-it on his computer that said "April 29 2005 kill Teodore"

but..it's the 28th.

Shhh, fifteen chubbies have missed my error in typing. You'll scare them off.

oh crap...sorry!

umm i'll chubby this one too for good measure.

Holy.

Oh, god. I just needed to chime in and say how awesome this is. It's December 11, 2009, and I was just reading the 2001 comic and decided to check it out here, and I'm just so happy about it!

COMMENTS FROM THE FUTURE

SPOOKY

FAIRMOUNT

WHAT ARE SOME WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS

WE MUST KNOW

He was right, this is not the kind of thing a dude oughta watch.

it's the death rollerskate. it was there when pat shot cornelius. there are possibly earlier instances.

Yeah, I noticed that. The rollerskate is a harbinger of doom.

The rollerskate is Kara Thrace.

Ray slipped on that rollerskate (which appeared out of nowhere) when he shot Beef the time that it resulted in a passable wireless internet connection.

[http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11222004]Oh[/url]
[http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09162002]yes[/url] [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02072002]there[/url] [http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03042003]are[/url]! The last one is a little more subtle...

AHH why can't we edit / delete comments :( And why is this text-entry box so small. Let me try again...

Oh
yes there are!

Is it bad that my first thought was "Damnit, now I have to work!" when I had to read through the strip to find the death rollerskate in that one?

I can not stop thinking about this roller skate thing. It's starting to feel like a certain movie starring Russel Crowe, reading through comics, pasting printouts all over the wall in a hut in the woods.

Took me far longer than I'd like to admit to find the last one. Genius on Onstad's part, though.

>>AHH why can't we edit/delete comments?<<

To make us more careful, I guess. I work offline with URLs and such first, then paste them in.

>>And why is this text-entry box so small?<<

Maybe you need a bigger monitor? Anyway, again, if you work offline, you can then paste any amount of shit in the box.

There is no rollerskate involved when:

-Beef dies by vomiting on an electrical socket
-Beef gets high and drives a golf cart off a cliff
-Trouble Man and No-No murder Beef in 'heaven.'

Maybe it's only shooting deaths? Shooting and rollerskate/frenchfry deaths?

I thinnk choking on a bottlecap a squirrel threw at you while watching BREAST ATTACK ON FUCK MOUNTAIN is pretty well the least dignified way to die.

but also the most awesome? maybe there's an inverse relationship there.

In the proof of this equation the number of beers dudes raise in your honor is factored in somehow.

i raise my bear, and hope to die as noble and honorable a death as dear Teodor.

You raise your bear, huh?

That's kind of impressive, really. Bears are heavy.

Not if it's a teddy bear.

Why the hell are you hoisting the corpse of the guy you're mourning over your head, you sick fuck?!

...mmmk

He pissed off Todd. The punishment is... incredible death

I suppose you could somehow do it while going to the bathroom, and then fall off the toilet in death. There's a cheerful sight for your next of kin.

At least your bowels will be empty already. It ain't the same after you see another mans stew.

No, see, you're only halfway done, and your corpse Tubgirls itself.

Thanks for putting that image in my head.

Don't forget that he gets kicked by a drunk shortly after he keels over. Even Beef's funeral service was more dignified than this.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=11052004

Undignified Ways To Die by Paul Gilmartin

He looks around like "holy shit, I gotta make sure no one is watching me"

good stuff

As someone else pointed out, It Is Written

You just fucking blew my mind.

I can't believe I never put that together.

Also, Grolsch does not have twist off caps, but that appears to be what T is doing. Maybe he was pumped up for Breast Attack, though.

Teodor is toting wicked sack. He can twist off a bottle-cap with his bare hands.

I find the roll of toilet paper on the coffee table a touch suggestive.

Lyle

Grolsch does the same thing to me, every time.

Seriously, you can actually taste it burn the mucus off your throat.

Instant 5 for following through with LieBot's death prediction.

That is hell of a good song that Teodor is playing.

Bad covers of that song actually send me into a berserker rage. I spontaneously sprout armour and a battleaxe. I mean it. Try me, sometime.

I usually just get pissed and throw bottle caps into people's mouths.

I kinda wish there was such a movie as Breast attack on Fuck mountain.

There may be.. I distinctly remember this from my childhood. There was a babysitter at my friends' house and they were watching a movie (presumably "hidden") in which there was a large breast in a mountain surrounding rolling around and attacking people.

That was probably Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)," which includes a sequence where a giant breast -- created by a mad scientist) goes on a rampage. Eventually, it is captured by the army's secret weapon, a giant bra. (No, it's not as stupid as it sounds. It's even stupider). A generous helping of classic W.A. one-liners saves the sequence.

The highlight of the film is the final vignette, which illustrates what happens inside the mind and body during sex, by way of a high-tech control room in the brain, and other internal imagined as industrial settings. Allen plays a sperm cell filled with existential angst at the prospect of his upcoming mission.

"Allen plays a ______ filled with existential angst at the prospect of _______" is basically the summary of every Woody Allen movie.

Todd is passing along the words that shaped him as a person.

Hey Onstad, whose cleavage is that on the DVD cover?

This is a question that I would like to know the answer to as well.

Haha, playing Joy Division all concerned looking minutes before you die.

Breast attack on Fuck Mountain: The fictional movie title that becaume the only thing I would say for a few days after seeing this.

I recently made a personality quiz about myself. Out of ten mutiple choice questions, "Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain" was a possible answer for five of them. (Favourite fictional movie, favourite webcomic, favourite movie, favourite school of philosophy, one weakness)

Man, it is cool that you like Achewood so much but I am starting to feel uncomfortable about how much I know about your life from reading all these comments

Whatever keeps me off the streets.

Man, I'm feeling awkward about how much I know about epicurus' life from just reading the comic.

I'm feeling awkward just looking at your avatar as you say that.

This asset is tennising (it's a verb now) awkward.

I'm feeling awkward about how awkward we're all feeling about all this.

I haven't felt awkawrd about any of this, and this is unsettling and maked me feel awkward. But now I have no reason for feeling awkward...paradox.

Great alt text.

NO ONE SURVIVED... BREAST ATTACK ON FUCK MOUNTAIN

I've quoted that often when I should not have.

Not even thw viewers. The attack was so brutal, it shattered the fourth wall.

As a side note, it's fantastic that I went to a website to search "breast fuck mountain" and found what I was looking for on the first hit.

The internet has its goddamn priorities straight.

Man, Google's 1st page searching for breast attack on fuck mountain returns 10 achewood references... and one "removed result" for child porn.

I think I speak for everyone when I say: What the fuck?

had Ian Curtis run into a copy of Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain, he would be alive to this day

I was going to make a similar comment, such as "if only Ian Curtis would have been so easily distracted..."

So that's what rollerblade is for!

hahah "ugfh" teodor is fat

Is that a louder fatty-grunt than Harvey Birdman's?

I sometimes like to think that he was not playing the Joy Division version, but the Swans cover.

Eh, I doubt it. let's face it, T is supposedly big on the Smiths and the Cure; Joy Division completes that quasi-Goth starter kit triumverate that's normally a big part of many 15 year olds' lives.

Easy now, mind the dismissive tone. My teenage affection for The Smiths and The Cure has waned, but I appreciate Joy Division more now.

However, I agree that Teodor doesn't seem like a Swans fan. There's no shortage of other versions of the song, everything from Portuguese metal to Tuvan throat singing, alt country to dub...and even a version by The Cure.

Oh, sorry, I wasn't trying to dis Joy Division. Out of said triumverate, they're the only ones I've ever really liked. But, as a triple grouping, those bands having an important part in your life normally denote a learner's permit, unwarranted melodrama, and a now inarguablely complete set of pubics.

That dang roller-skate has seen the death of so many animals now.

This strip also shows that humour is not always about subtlety.

thats some nice cleavage

teodor has good taste in music

panel 3 shows onstad's dedication to real-life dissapointment. anyone who plays guitar knows how much it sucks leaning forward with the guitar restricting your forward reach. like an alligator with a branch prying it's jaws open

That is exactly what I was going to say. I feel like I've spent half my life trying to do things in vain with a guitar strapped on when it would be much simpler just to take it off. That Onstad included that panel is a reflection of the kind of dedication to real-life small details that makes this comic so damn good.

Shit-damn! I scrolled all the way down here to make sure no one else had noticed this and at least two people beat me to it! I think it says something about humanity that most Achewood readers have more or less the same personality and we never meet in person. It's like that 'Everyone relates to Beef' thing.

i love this arc. is so cool.

Do you think Todd then started watching Breast Attack on Fuck Mountain?

Where is the bottle of beer in panels 1-3?

Maybe Liebot put it there so that his prophecy would come true. I mean, that doesn't make sense, but maybe.

Today's Blogs

Little Nephew: summah'z comin

This strip is proudly brought to you by Grolsch.

Clean, crisp taste.

And beer farts for the next 18 hrs. Do not fuck after drinking a lot of Grolsch.

I wonder if Teodor is doing the Swans' cover of Love Will Tear Us Apart? My respect would not run so dry, for that would be awesome.

And as others have commented, the rollerskate is a lot like the oranges always signifying someone's imminent death in the Godfather trilogy.

see the discussion above on why we think this is not the case.

But you never know...

From what I read people seem to be in agreement on this death skate thing. The natural corollary is a bunch of Italian gangsters killing one another because fruit just happens sometimes. This is not a difficult stretch.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. My original comment was directed at the first part of your comment, re: the Swans' cover.

Holy Mother of Roast Beef.
I just now realized where T�odor's mouth is.
I always thought that he had a grumpy look plastered on his face, but apparently that's his upper lip, not his chin.
Fie on me.

Man, you are not the first person to say this, but I totally can't see it any way other than how it's supposed to be.

I demand diagrams portraying how you saw it before now. I just don't get it.

>> I demand diagrams

Delivered:
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=hwa3k1&s=3

Hahaha, that's the best. Thank you for your dedication.

Although; Teodor is a bear.

that's fucked up

Doesn't every bachelor have a roll of TP on the coffee table?

the roll of toilet paper is for fending off the breasts that attack fuck mountain

its funny when people die in achewood

Teodor seems like a pretty cool dude, all with the liking the Cure cause he's silly and doing Joy Division covers sitting alone on the couch. And all wearing strange poofy pants and high boots.