solobuttons sounds strange. It's like The Lone Rangers in that movie Airheads

And by solobuttons I mean the username, not the man himself. I'm sure he sounds quite lovely.

i cannot believe that i actually get this reference. good lord.

Oh fuck yes you remember Airheads, terebikun.

Lemmy is editor of the school newspaper!

best of the best 3?

If you were wondering, it comes from [url=http://www.last.fm/music/Matmos/_/Solo Buttons For Joe Meek]this song[/url].

nooooo

Well the URL I want has plus signs in it, so I'll just tell you that the song is "Solo Buttons for Joe Meek" by Matmos.

Showin' some love for Matmos. Nice, that is some good stuff.

I am showing some love for Joe Meek. Now he was a good man, with a lot of ideas. Scary ideas.

HERE COME THE BLUE MEN

Only a brochure!? For the great Ray? Horrible insult!

Sometimes it is appropriate and/or hilarious to make fun of Pogo's age. I do not see how this is one of those times.

Fair enough!

Nevertheless, I'm laughing.

I am five! (not really)

Get Out Of Here

Just you wait, you young whippersnapper. You'll get yours too. (Or the much less desireable alternative.)

I like steaks. But if they are crusty, I'm pretty sure something has gone wrong.

Me and the roomie had strip steak with garlic butter last night with sauteed zucchini.

Yeah. Yeah.

But those uric acid crystals are the only things that can scratch my inner itch and give true satiety.

eww

Strip steak is a filet of low men. For shame...

For shame...

New York strip steak is of low men?

It is not a filet, it is a steak. I am positive about this one.

Also, strip steaks are more flavorful, so lucidz's opinion appears to be based solely on cost.
Don't worry, lucidz, it's a common mistake.

Man, I am so relieved to learn I am not a low man

You're not a low man, you're a nor man!

(I hate me)

me too.

me three?

no.

Strip, or a well-marbled, thick chuck steak are my favorite steaks. Both are intensely beefy, and both are capable of obtaining that lofty "crust". I love the Maillard Reaction

I meant Skirt, not strip... the NY strip i find to be overhyped. I have failed myself

Which is the kind that's sometimes on sale for 3.00 a pound at Stop n' Shop? I find that kind pretty edible.

That is a hell of ignorant thing to say.

It is also in pho. It imparts flavor to the pho, but my every attempt to eat it has failed.

I thought about this, but saying that a given item is in southeast Asian food is like saying I would have sex with it. It applies to fucking everything.

man I am always trying to pronounce it "phah" and my sister is all "IT IS PHUH, PHUH"
just thought I'd share

Pho King Restaurant

is a foea some sort of dangling medical horror?

it's an acronym for my holy title.

Strip is not a low steak. It is a middle steak. The only truly grand steak is ribeye, for it has both flavor and texture. Filet is another middle steak. It is flavorless, though tender, and a money trap for people who are easily tricked.

Chuck eye is a frugal man's alternative.

It is not a fine meat, but for the cost, eye of chuck is a good use of cash. Hell, I can look out a window and see at least a dozen cows where I am, and yet ribeye is still $9.99 a pound. Chuck eye would be less than 6.

The good, honest sun-caught perch of steaks.

mya mya mya...

Bah. I find filet quite flavorful, and am not of low palate or needlessly bourgeois habits. We must not travel in the same butcher's circles.

i cant believe i gave up animation rights

AGLOMP

Why would a banana grab another banana?

ohhh haha. i love you guys.

That is the kind of question that I do not want to know the answer to

And a V-chub for Onstad quality onomatopoeia

I've never heard the L...more "AH-GOMP"

Filet has no fat, and no connective tissue. There isn't anything to add flavor to it other than the stuff smeared on it or the cooking method. It is only slightly more tasty than chicken or lizard.

Have you considered not actually cooking the insides?

Uncooked flavorless beef is still flavorless beef.

Well, I don't really enjoy eating uncooked connective tissue. Perhaps I'm weird like that.

I prefer filet, mainly because I don't like sinewy or fatty meat, but also because most restaurants simply don't give enough of a shit to get quality cuts of meat.

The cooking method is the key, though. I know I'm a heathen, but I prefer my steaks medium-well, with only a little pink. I can't handle red. The problem is, too many places can't cook medium-well without toughening the steak up like shoe leather.

Most high-end steak houses are over-priced, but a quality one like Rainwater on Kettner's here in SoCal can put salt and pepper on a filet and it will be far better than any ribeye you could get from, say, Black Angus or Donovan's.

I hear legends of men so versed in the grill that they can actually cook their own steaks at home. However, fire and I have a... complicated history. Needless to say, I eat out a lot.

The broiler in most electric ovens can do a passable job with a steak, and it's fun to watch the fat sizzle and pop.

Sure fat is flavorful, but it's mostly dross on typical steaks. A well-marbled piece of meat is a great thing, but most of the fattier cuts (Ribeye, etc. that some here are expressing preference for) have the fat and connective tissue beside the actual meat, where it remains uncooked or burns under high heat. That's no good. So, if the most edible part of the steak is the lean, might as well start with the best piece of lean on the damn cow.

mya mya mya...

ribeye is truly the thinking mans steak.

I must lame you as steak is the perfect food. I do not see cows anymore, just the butcher's diagram.

Sounds like you need a trip to Ruth's Chris, dude. Crusty!

You must be crazy. A kona coffee crusted ribeye is literally sex in the mouth

You could have also mentioned that it is the most nutritious cut of steak.

I disagree. There is not.

You are a 23 year old female who reads achewood and said "Sex in the mouth".

You cannot think that to be wrong...

yep shes a beautiful blond 23 year old who loves achewood, and i am kevin costner

As Chuck Norris, I must now wedgie you, by federal (Ie Chuck) law

Damn, Chuck Norris, you are very old.

No, that was a perfect way to say it. Don't be shy.

Especially considering that most people would think of the literal version of "sex in the mouth" to be "oral sex". Just sayin.

I should probably read slightly lower than what I am replying to just so I don't make an ass of myself by repeating something that's already been said.

'Sex in the mouth' is only one side of oral. One of the involved parties gets their oral sex outside the mouth. Unless you have some way to perform moistest kisses inside your mouth, in which case you are sick and I want to subscribe to your newsletter.

They didn't say "literally", but one time I was reading wine reviews and one claimed a "vanilla explosion in your mouth".

Nope. Afraid not.

Are you certain?

NO

Well, it's sex involving the mouth. But Dr. Phil has a phrase for compulsive overeaters, telling them that they are having "a party in their mouth." I think that may be the sense that Shades was going for, as if one were having a full-body-contact sexual encounter in one's mouth.

Is your real name Armin?

More importantly; do you really listen to anything Dr. Phil has to say?

Even more importantly than that, do you take seriously any argument that involves the phrase "party in their mouth"?

He's got some great catch phrases is all. And "party in your mouth" about compensatory eating is great.

They are having a party in their mouth, and the only ones invited are Shame, Despair, and the Self family, Destruction, Loathing, and Pity.

I see the Self family is like the Brothers Strong, in that their names are Western-sounding but the surname comes first. Does Loathing answer emails sometimes?

Armin Hammer?

Armin Tanzarian?

Armin Shimerman?

If two dragonflies flew into your open mouth while you were riding a bicycle, THEN it would be sex in the mouth.

Quote:
I tried to picture a person actually doing that and all my mind could come up with is Fry from Futurama.

Ever see that episode of Duckman where he swallows a bird while riding a motorcycle, in a parody of Easy Rider?

Didn't think so.

Yes! I remember Duckman. I remember not liking it a lot, but I do remember it.

It was a mixed bag, but overall I always liked it. Give it a second chance, not that you'll ever see it on TV again.

The "Duckman's going to jail!" conga line was the funniest thing the USA network ever aired.

I stayed up way too late as a kid watching Duckman and the Critic on the USA network. I still have fond regards for both shows, and I've always silently wondered, "I wonder how many people on the internet remember Duckman. I mean, really remembers Duckman.

Now I know. At least three.

Hypothetically speaking, if I were the kind of person that downloaded TV shows on BitTorrent, Duckman would've been pretty much the first thing I ever downloaded. I remember Duckman.

I also remember an even older cartoon duck named Count Duckula, but that's really neither here nor there I suppose.

I really remember Duckman.

I remember Buttercup and Ilsa.

Wow. I accidentally gave you a chubby but like, this is totally chub-worthy anyways so I don't feel bad about it.

Surely the murderer cat could have maybe mentioned the part where the cat who wishes he was fat broke him out of prison (well, at least he thinks it was him) or how he nearly died at the hands of his USB vegetable cutter? Just for continuity maybe. Bump that bad boy up to a pamphlet.

I laughed uncontrollably at "honored him as well as his life could allow". Say what you want about Ray, he is better at being Ray than anyone else could ever hope to be.

Why am I awake and reading Achewood this early? Fucking work. Thats Why.

Also: Sam, Gimme a call at some point when your not either sleeping or doing your dissertaion. I dont want to disturb either of these things!

haha safe dude

'hanrahahanrahan' - Is that a Dennis Leary reference?

"hanrahan, what are you doin'?" "Nothin'!" "Great...well, keep it up!"

YES! Even funnier! Thank you for that.

Hilarious! The anchor looks like Sandra Bernhard!

Sandra Bernhard and Sukie Babswent: separated at birth?

Spoon jar, jar spoon?

The Toad speaks the truth.
YOU SHOULD ALSO CHECK OUT BRASS EYE

Fucked That up.
Just search in youtube.

How about a preview option assetballs?

(Working link)

This might be the single greatest piece of televisual satire ever created. Non-Brits should note that many of the interviewees are or were prominent celebrities (much like America's Woody Harrelson), completely unaware that they were being lampooned.

The Chubby is both for your assitance, and for your use of the word 'lampooned'!

Disdainful German and a mention of Michigan! Hilarity!

FACT
TIMES IMPORTANCE
EQUALS
NEWS

It's those horses in Gulliver's Travels. Kinda.

"If I worked at the post office, I'd never lay ANYBODY off."

Now to stock them in the lobbies of motels everywhere!

God Dammit, Why the hell I got to see a magreaux dog right now?

Good observation.

more like stallone in 2008 Rambo... *shudder*

Heston never had shoulders that ripped, not even in Ben-Hur.

they are not ripped. They are displaying the ravages of calorie.

Looks like he drew it whilst on the Poteen.

Looks like Shel Silverstein drew it whilst on the Bottled Water.

I used to think I had wavy hair,
Until I shaved. Instead,
I found that I have straight hair,
And a very wavy head.

HOLY SHIT I REMEMBERED THAT POEM FROM WHEN I HAD TO RECITE IT IN THIRD GRADE. That's a hell of long time ago.

Dude maybe your mind holds the key to understanding the universe.

Dead?

Boned?

I was thinking "Thees ees not so bad, eh Philippe?" But he is neither french nor a pancake.

Charleston Heston capitalized on his older brother Charlton's fame to make a career in gay porn in 'Been Her' and 'Planet of the Rapes'...look in the 'How To Weep The Weepy-Weep Way' box for details.

Oh man, I gotta see what that is.

It's so sad to see Pete downtrodden. Ray's ways do this to a man.

It certainly wasn't the ending we envisioned. Pete's biography ends with a whimper.

When I read the first panel, I thought Pete had boned Ray in the woody glade, but found he could not finish. *gag*

cue loneal bragging about how she plumbed the depths of our moms...

(BONE, BONE)

No, you are a pretty poor loneal. My "your mom" jokes are much less a) graphic, b) detailed, and c) clever than that one.

I used to make "your dad" jokes, but people got really offended. Once, someone literally said to me, "Why would you even say that?" So then I stopped making dad jokes.

On a related note, what wort of English are you studying? A particular period or movement? I'm asking partly out of interest (I know gazillions of lit majors), and because I am currently touching one of the co-founders of New Historicism. I'm touching high on his leg

Well, back home at Stanford, I do mainly creative writing, and then take whatever English classes pop up that fulfill particular requirements (you have to take one Shakespeare class, two classes of British literature before 1750, etc.).

At Oxford, I am doing a tutorial on T. S. Eliot, and then taking a sociology class about social change on the side.

Congratulations, you have just read the most boring post I've ever made on Assetbar!

I will just go ahead and assume you're molesting Stephen Greenblatt, because it would make me happy to know Stephen Greenblatt and I have something in common (being sexually harassed by you).

Stanford AND Oxford?

I'll just go ahead and lump myself in with the other 95% of Assetbar that was just given a huge inferiority complex.

No, no! It is not like that! I just have a fetish for elite universities whose names end in "-ford." Do not have a complex of any sort!

Unfortunately, I am not at Princetown right now, so Steve is not available. His left hand man is my boss now and works in programming and computational finance. If you look in a recent Norton's, you should be able to find an intro written by Hunter Cadzow somewhere in there, and when he moves a certain way I can see his junk from here.

Oh shit, "Steve"? I have had a couple Norton-type teachers, but I am not on such an informal basis with any of them. I am still obligated to call my advisor Professor Tallent rather than Elizabeth. None of them have names as cool as "Cadzow," and I ain't never seen any of their junk. You have brought my inadequacies to the forefront of my mind, Redonismbot.

PS How does a Norton-type dude end up in programming and computational finance?

It turns out that doing literature for a living gets boring and teaching makes you poor. Hunter decided he wanted to do something nonacademic, and be rich, so he works with me. We are now very rich, and he gets to regale geeks with little known Milton quotes and stories about the foibles of ultra-high-end academics.

A very similar career plan worked good for me too, but I avoid the Milton quotes as they seem to cause people to punch me.

I suppose I will have to learn programming and computational finance at some point.

I do not miss the future.

If I end up having to abandon my academic ambitions for programming and computational finance, it will mean that my mom was right all along and that simply cannot be.

Also, I cannot imagine how literature could be more boring than computational finance.

You could always get a degree in Lit then marry a wealthy math nerd. You feministish types still do that right?

(I'm giggling at this because my wife got a Lit degree before marrying my rich ass, and she has ten times the interesting job I do.)

I tried dating some computer nerds, but they were poor.

(Does your wife know you have been collecting the hair of Internet girls?)

elizabeth tallent!?!?!?! so jealous

So you stopped making your dad jokes because they were too offensive and switched to your mom jokes instead? What kind of a feminist are you?

To my great shame, I was not a feminist when that particular switch happened, and now the "your mom" thing is a habit that will be hard to break. Maybe I should try switching back to dads anyway. I'll alienate even more people with my gender politics! Hurrah!

My stepson just had five shots. For about an hour afterward he refused to walk; I'm sure his leg was sore, but it wasn't that bad. I had to carry him two blocks to the car, then two blocks back to get the keys from his mother, then two blocks to the car again.

He asked, "Are you going to take me to school?" I just managed to avoid saying, "In the car of pain."

Which is just to say, you could always choose to terrorize little kids instead of offending dads.

"What would loneal do?"

I considered "your dad" as a response to "your mom," but in the end, I decided to go with "your grandpa," because I wanted something that would really tug at the heartstrings of college boys. The added bonus is that they will predictably reply with "but my grandpa's dead!" (whether or not that is the case), opening up a whole new field of inappropriate sex jokes if you stand your ground.

My maternal grandfather died during my freshman year of college.

boner killer!

Tragically, he was one of hundreds killed when a rogue boner escaped from the local half-house and rampaged for nearly eight minutes.

When I was in college -- JUST AS YOU ARE NOW -- I also rocked the "your mom" jokes. I was HILARIOUS. Then my roommate wrote an "anonymous" thing on a bathroom graffiti wall-paper expressing dismay at my anti-mother stance. I defended myself as making fun of people who make fun of mothers, and she accepted my defense. But I still felt a bit bad about it, and still do. I mean, I was really just making corny double-entendres of the "that's what she said" ilk. I still think that stuff is hilarious. I am juvenile in that way, I guess.

Oh, and if it wasn't already obvious, I went to an all-women's college. Doing "your dad" jokes would've been a safe way to go. As it was I had friends who did a feminine version of the "jerk-off" motion that was pretty damn graphic. And AWESOME.

I really would like to see a description of said "jerk-off" motion. Really. For science.

HedonismBot, you've definitely captured the essence of the LoneAl. Whether that makes you a Good Lone Al is something for you and your conscience to decide.

The essence was probably captured at the same time the hair-clippings were.

Well, after you have steeled yourself to peer into the murky depths of what makes a man what he is, only to find a few empty bottles of Kettle One and an eclectic eBay list of purchases littering a half-filled kiddie pool, you're bound to be a bit shaken by it.

That said, I find it intriguing that Teodor found more to put on Ray's baseball card than Nice Pete did for his biography.

Nice Pete should have turned his narrative from this arc into an 'Adaptation'-style "making of the biography pamphlet"--it would have at least filled a couple magazine pages...

...a film version would involve at least one scene with poteen-soaked Pete and Ray trying to recreate the sound of the guitar harmonies in 'Jessica'. ..."aaaaah"

its like a battle between moters and horses. like... technology vs. horse

like today's dinosaur comics?

I like how it doesn't occur to Ray that reassuring someone that you don't care if they finish a book about you is insulting.

shoulder ants

hahahaha

As much as Nice Pete would like to think it, he just can't wring out the inner-ray like Molly can. And she did it without the Allman Brothers.

Ray's got some crazy jowels going on in his brochure. On a related note: I'm about 98% sure that shoulder cellulite is bad wrong.

lol. thot is Made me to lol hear is areY the main ponts fRo em: poneL oNe one is like opAnt ponel two two is ray starched ot has his arMs tarchEd out waved IS lol 2 me an finelly sick ray follote by brochureogroffy. i relly like i dun can say enuff. LOL

i lept sum tings out lol i am sorry

I'm sure no-one will hold it against you as long as the sum of the tings leaps back post-haste.

"My RL Name is LOL"

Larry Oliver Lambert?

L' OneaL???

!!!!!

ohshitohshitohshit! I revealed loneal's secret identity! :(

Next we'll find out that heccibiggs is a polyglot palindrome for 'alreadyinuse'.

I think heccibiggs' secret identity is that she's a Canadian singer/songwriter.

What is it about Canada where everyone and their mama is a singer/songwriter?

Seriously Canada what is it about U girl?

Dunno, but here's another one. Basia Bulat

She's wonderful. We just saw her in Milwaukee with Devotchka.

we are a musical people.

And we are the dreamers of dreams.

Butterscotch? Buttergin?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've been found out, Snake!

Snake, I thought you were dead!!!

L'OreaL?

Laurence Tolhurst?

It is silly to like the Cure.

RL? has internet speak entered glad's hidden messages too?
rl=real...

also LOL is in there. so i assume yes.

Well, I just assumed it to mean 'Real Life'. However, in his next message, he apologised for leaving some things out, so I guess he forgot about the E and the A.

This must be the first in-cartoon cartoon of Ray. Correct me if I'm wrong.

And here I thought that a pamphlet would be the format best suited to Ray.

Ray: A Brief Study

Perhaps a monograph.

I like the way it's "Ray has a URL", not "Ray has a website", indicating that if you type the right URL into Firefox, somehow, as if by magic, Ray will appear, his resource uniformly located.

Also "my resource is uniformly located" sounds like a line from a really bad piece of Information-Technology themed erotica.

You imply that some really good pieces of information-technology themed erotica exist.

I think it's a field that has potential: "Do you want to see my male PCB-mounting DD50 d-sub connector?" "Can I fsck your superblock?" and so on and so forth.

the distant future, the distant future...

Yes. Affirmative.

OMG, I'm in before there are 500 irrelevant posts!

Ray still looks a little buzzed in panel 3. He should have called Todd for a ride home.

Well done. Although calling everyone else's posts irrelevant is probably not a good way to endear yourself to them.

Not everyone, just any post not directly addressing the strip is irrelevant IMO. Take the idle chatter to MSN.

Eeh, I just chubbied you at the same time as somebody else so I got to watch it jump from 0 to 2 chubbies. How novel.

So red-barchetta (642 strips viewed, 26 comments made) has spoken, so let it be done!

I don't think you understand the way that a voting system works.

Voting? I was just pointing out the absurdity of a relative newcomer barging in and telling people what the board should and should not be.

Umm, why is that absurd? He has his opinions and votes. You have yours.

But his opinions are WRONG!

No, but really. Red-barchetta is entitled to his opinions, but his opinion is that he doesn't want to hear us talk, and he is telling us that to our faces. That sucks.

Achilles' opinion is that red-barchetta doesn't have enough experience to form a valid opinion about this matter. Shouldn't he get to cast that vote?

Aw the fight was just gettin' good! Stop being so reasonable.

I want to hear you talk about the strip, check the comments in the real early days. Lately, everyone drifts off into completely unassociated tangents.

I disagree with this analysis of achilleselbow's posting. He was being a dick.

Right, right, everyone is entitled to their opinion, even the people whose opinion is that no one else is entitled to their opinion. This kind of sophistry is why we're still arguing over banning the teaching of evolution.

Sophistry does require some work, however dubious. So, you think that it takes 1424 strips read on assetbar and almost as many comments made before you can make an opinion on this anarchy? That's worse than sophistry, as it's just plain arrogant.

If red-barchetta has read 642 of these damn things, and thinks that these posts are annoying, I say give him a little room to bitch and moan, ignore it if you want. Ain't much worse than half of the other shit on here. Argue with him if you want, but it might be best if you don't pull a "SHUT UP N00B" argument.

No dude, you don't get it. You have to have read every strip (specifically from acheworld, logged into your account, it doesn't matter if you've read them from achewood proper) and commented steadily for at least 2 months before you're allowed to decide what posts are irrelevant.

All posts are irrelevant.

What now?

But some are more irrelevant than others.

DUde you just totally called yourself irrelevant! HOW DOES MY DICK TASTE ODEI I WASHED IT JUST FOR YUUUUUUUUUU

I actually was drawn here by a link from FARK and because of which, i discovered achewood. Once finding this site, I read the whole thing from the beginning. Only after I reached the current strips did I decide to become a member in an exclusive membership. One that I noticed as the strips went along, was becoming larger and that he comments were more numerous and often strayed from relevant topic of the strip. Anyway, i am halfway through my second trip through the archive and enjoying it alot. GJ Onstad.

YES

There's a new sheriff in town...

[IMGS OFF]

Hey! You kids! All us people who like Rush enough to signify our personalities with their song titles and can remember what the 70's smelled like want to draw attention to things in the comic strip and not have to hassle with a whole lotta jibber jabber! Cut the chit-chat or I'm sendin' you to the principal's office! Got it?

Hey! McGorsky, I saw that!

You're outta here mister!

sarcasm?

Mya mya mya...

Your post made me look up Rush lyrics, and I had a revelation...

Though his mind is not for rent
Don't put him down as arrogant
His reserve, a quiet defense
Riding out the day's events

Dude, the song "Tom Sawyer" is about... Roast Beef?!

nice!

"A drunk driver's very dangerous. Everyone knows that. But a drunk backseat driver can be dangerous too, if he's persuasive"

"Turn left up here."

"That's a tree."

"Trust me."

Am I the only who sees the irony in a guy complaining about there being too many irrelevant posts sparking a massive, and wholy irrelevant, argument about the irrelevance of said posts.

And in me making yet another irrelevant post to point out the irrelevance of the one before?

And in me making yet another irrelevant post to point out the irrelevance of the one before?

And in me making yet another irrelevant post to point out the irrelevance of the one before? And so on, and so forth.

I commend you. You take the blame away.

4 vs. 3. You're not the only one. It's the most funniest joke. Delivered with the most beautiful timign!

Cartoon Ray looks like he's attempting to convince the viewer that in just seven days, Ray can make him a ma, ha ha ha han.

Tim Curry in Rocky Horror: Hot or the hottest?

Tim Curry... Beyond all human imaginings of hot, and too caustic for even the word "hottest"....


Like I've masturbated to the smoke guy from Fern Gully hot.

Long John Silver in "Muppet Treasure Island"

or

Pennywise in "IT"
Hot or Not

(Clue) Pirates=Sexy, We all float down here=Nightmares

Please disregard the butler in Clue.

He's awesome in Clue. Don't even say otherwise.

And IT.... well, there's just something about the giant bulbous head.

I have problems. Do you think I have problems?

But have you masturbated to Nigel Thornberry?

That's a lot harder, and I must say I haven't tried. It would be a challenge. But I bet you five dollars I would win.

That's fucking horrific. If these things are true, I don't want to hear them for any reason whatever.

if all of Tim Curry could be removed except for his mouth he'd be dreamy2hawt, yes.

there is something about the way his mouth moves. it's the same deal with Andy Samberg (who is ultra cute in all sorts of ways) and some woman from Miss Rap Supreme (who, if I were interested in ladies, would be a top pick).

What is unique about that mouth movement or am i just insaaane

You'll receive the Order of Lenin for this, Octafish.

Chubby for you! What is a Scot doing on a russian sub anyway?

hot crusty steaks...


...are delicious

...for you to poop on?

/it's the avaton

Panel 4: Pete's sense of resignation, no, make that disappointment, is so apparent in that raised eyebrow.

I'm waiting for the next strip where Nice Pete has a brainsnap and kills Ray for being of low mind.

I love that at the end of this storyline the psychotic killer is shown to be the sympathetic figure, unable to carry out his mission due to the unstoppable simplicity of his subject.

His simplicity is only stoppable by unforseen complications.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=06172002

Ray? Why did you turn your back on ahi?

Ray is a business man; he'll sell ahi, but he doesn't have to like it.

Give the people what they want.

Why does Ray look so tired and emotional after leaving Peter home?

just his eyeglass-wipers dangling down is all.

...or his eyebrows.

You've never tasted country likkers, have you steerpike66?

all hung from the poteen, yo

"Tired and emotional" is a euphemism for being "completely smashed out of your gourd and fucking up in public, paticularly when the person in question is a celebrity", where I am from.

Will Chris Onstad publish this book?

I think he just did?

I wanted to make that point, but I didn't feel I could without being a dick about terms. Bravo for succeeding where I failed!

What Chris Onstad needs more of
IS SCIENCE

Where did that phrase even come from? I've never found it in any of the strips.

Specifically Physics.

This comment
-The comment-

with KaMeT, known commenter

i dont think ive ever seen onstad kill an arc so brutally

Really, Ray should be hella insulted to only get a brochure of his life.

I rated this strip a 5, and it tipped the overall rating to NaN, and made the votes undefined. For some reason, this leaves me feeling very satisfied.

seymourglass - 1
Assetbar - 0

SEY-MOUR!!!

I like the way you think, sir. Please take me to this magical place.

ASSETBAR WHAT'S THE BEST THING YOU GOT

What's the best posts you got?

Pete's illustrative portrayal of Ray is what got a 5 from me.

I MAKE REFERENCE TO SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME IN REAL LIFE

If you replaced rap with "Jethro Tull and David Bowie related Media" this brochure would also describe my life fairly well. I am not a complex man, my ways are not obtuse.

I guess that means you were also "born hot and licked cleaned" by your momma?

My family has weird traditions. Don't make me go into it.

Two folds, six sides. At least one graphic of a carefully generic person doing something medical because all brochures have that, even ones from your bank.

Hello.

Hi! -> Yes! -> Hi!

You two were made for ech other.

Well hi there!

What's with all these 31-year-old morons on Assetbar all of a sudden?

It's a good age. It's the last time I'll be a prime number unless I make it to 37.

THIRTY FIRST

"licked clean by his mamma," i love it.

I'm posting this so late, and so far down the page, because I don't feel like tasting your lames.

But I really don't like these mini-arcs Chris has been doing lately, with Mr. Bear, Roast Beef, and now Ray.

Beef's was the best, but the ending was weak.

I hope the lack of "Fin" at the end of the supposed arcs means that none of them have actually ended, and they will all intersect Pulp Fiction style at the end.

I'm picturing Roast Beef trying to get rid of some money while Mr. Bear attempts to kill Lyle. A gun goes off and Beef thinks it's a greeting card exec trying to off him. Ray pops up and does a post-poteen rant while bullets fly around him.

Side note: I really hate the fact that the diner scene was used as the frame story for Pulp Fiction. I kinda wish The Golden Watch was the frame story, with Willis' car crash being the cold open, and then just switch the order of events with Butch and Marsellus fighting off Zed happening BEFORE Butch guns down Vega.

But what do I know? I post on the Internet and I can't even start the one fucking screenplay I've been kicking around for a year.

The reason you don't finish screenplays is a self-loathing so rich and thick that it seeps onto the internet through the cracks in your personality and congeals as a non sequitor criticism of a 15-year-old masterpiece.

(the diner scene is Vega's one chance at redemption, the choice representing the fine line between good and evil. The thinness of that line is the point of the movie. That and pop culture fetishizing.)

you know what? I am harsh because I have the same problems. My criticism of you is really a criticism of myself. I have a novel that is stuck in my brain like a chunk of shrapnel and I can't get it out.

yah, join the club. I already spent the advance money on a script, and have nothing but handwritten outlines.

Yeah but at that point we know Vega's fate. We know he gets gunned down leaving the bathroom.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Tarrantino fan. I just think that he pieced Pulp Fiction together wrong.

Quote:

I'm in a similar spot with some fiction ideas, brother. Keep on rockin.'

I was in a screenwriter's organization for nearly two years without producing more than a couple short paragraphs. *fail*

Arcs, schmarcs, the strip started out without them, and will naturally lapse back into one-offs. We should at least allow On-Star some breathing room between arcs. Another thing, leaving us to imagine all those other developments is part of the richness of Achewood.

Side note: Re-editing "Pulp Fiction" leads to madness. Just leave it alone.

Yeah but the thing is he has esentialy started (thanks to today's strip) FOUR arcs, three that basically led to nothing.

Let's hope the wedding doesn't end in mid-stream.

How can Pete be a psychotic murderer and also be relatively lucid about the state of Ray's life without any frustration?

Mya mya mya...

Have a chubby. I'm not really sure why...

Man, assetbar feels hell of lame lately, for some reason. But I'm listening to a moby song right now and cannot really hold a candle to anything cool. Quite the predicament.

I think that any community undergoes periodic refreshes. There has been a rapid growth of the community in the last six months or so, and I think it is coming to a refresher cycle, where people drop off and new people are added. I could be wrong though, my research is inconclusive.

Your research--while presented only as a theory (hypothesis?)--feels accurate. I mean, I started posting on this thing about four weeks ago so I'm brand new to the "discussion" aspect. But I've been reading these things for a while now and from what I've seen, the whole face/hand thing, some of these modded .jpgs and all the references to old assetbar posters have started to make assetbar an entity of its own instead of just the comments page on Achewood.

It's a club whose functions are to reward the witty and excommunicate the braying jackass.

Assetbar: The Commenting System That Filters Out Morons (TM)

What the world needs now is a Psychedelic Neon Dancing Tyrannosaur.

Also Le Baron Noir, or whatever his name was. I miss those guys.

I find Assetbar to be more vibrant and interesting than ever. Of course, that might be influenced by the fact that I'm getting some.

Getting some....what?

What are you getting?

My feelings on this asset are neutral until I know what you are getting.

Is it pie?

it is Sex.

When I die / And when I go to Heaven / I pray to God / there's sweet apple pie. Ain't nothin like back and thighs. Yeah, nothin' like sweet Apple Pie.

B.o.B.

That drawing really reminds me of the kind of picture a small Midwestern high school would have for their mascot.