Philippe's Inner Machinations

Philippe's Inner Machinations 09/13/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Rumpled T-shirt you didn't see - HONK IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOM

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I don't think we've had Molly yet. Or Lie Bot, either.

Lie-Bot's Flow Chart.

Am I telling the truth?
|
V
Yes-------No
| |
V V
Stop it. Continue.

Damn you formatting!

Lie bot's flow chart is just the Liar's Paradox. He just internally repeats the phrase "this statement is false" over and over.

STACK OVERFLOW

Do-loop!

If memory serves, this is the second time you've attempted this sort of thing.

My problem is that I don't learn from my mistakes.

[IMGS OFF]

Is that Frank Zappa in your avatar? "Sheik Yerbouti"?

Indeed it is. Or I am.

His songs are so well conveyed.

The music of Frank Zappa, like Achewood, is nothing short of a life changing phenomenon.

as fanboy-ish as that sounds...

I don't know. There's actually very little of his stuff that I can listen to without feeling that it's supposed to appeal to people who pride themselves on enjoying music despite of its aesthetic qualities rather than because of them.

And there I meant "in spite of" or "despite", not "despite of".

A year later I will reply because ... yeah! As a huge Zappa fan I can see where a person could feel that way. It's definitely not music you listen to because you like pretty music (though he can and did make that, too). Zappa is sort of a musical version of abstract art. You kind of have to cross your eyes and use your imagination to see the naked lady. Some people see it, some don't. Some people like it, some people don't. That said, anyone who likes metal or can appreciate ripping guitars can put together a pretty decent mix tape of Frank, starting with Willie the Pimp. He made a good bit of that, too.

Hooray for diversity!

There could be others. For example, a Little Bit Stoned Ray flowchart. There is no hard and fast rule that states a character gets one flowchart and that's it.

Technically, this is Phillipe's second. "Yes!" -> "Hi!" ->"Yes!" -> "Hi!" -> ...

Dammit. Read *ALL* comments before commenting. Hell of bad form, yo.

I'd love to see Ray's Stoned flowchart.. all talking about softball and history and knowing people.

In Philippe's mind, sharks represent badness.

The bad kind of badness.

Sometimes bad is bad.

man, seriously quoting huey lewis??

WELL THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVITE HUEY LEWIS OVER AND OPEN THE WINDOWS

That or at some point his Mother has told him that 'bad little boys who don't love their mothers get eaten by Sharks' while he's been having a tantrum.

Only one sock?

Why would his socks be together if they're lying around as clutter?

I'm sure you mean "why would it be a clutter if his socks are together?"

Cause and effect, man, cause and effect.

I still haven't seen the one for Lie Bot that people claim exists. Or I must have seen it, since I'm listed has having seen all of them, but I don't remember it. Anyone know where it is?

Also, this may be the second one for Philippe, since his first one was a footnote on Roast Beef's.

That was a simpler time for Philippe. He's going through some things now.

Circumstances.

Those and sharks, yes.

I know there's one for Vlad, who kinda-sorta looks like lie-bot. Could that be the source of the confusion? As far as I know there's no lie-bot flowchart.

Yes, that's what I thought too, but nobody confirmed or denied this when I proposed it yesterday.

Just to clarify something that I think somebody pointed out, however obliquely, yesterday: This is the LIE Bot flowchart we're talking about. Keyword: LIE.

But it would be Lie Bot's internal dialog. Does he lie to himself as well, or is it more reasonable to suspect he's truthful in his mind?

One thing is for sure, robots are up to no good.

Keyword: Cake!

Think about it for a minute. What would Lie Bot say if you asked him?

He would lie like a rug and fart dust.

Wait.

He would lie like steel decking and fart rivets?

Never mind.
Crap.

B

People may also be mixed up because
the Vlad one featured Lie Bot prominently.

There isn't one I believe. There's been one for Vlad but no Lie Bot.

The Lie Bot one is on the paid site.

lies

he lied about having one

people still have not gotten this

No, they got it, but then they suffered memory loss when Chris accidentally uploaded a hypnotic, animated GIF in place of Tuesday's strip. It was the saddest thing.

I have never heard anyone claim that there was a Lie Bot flowchart. People uppage were speculating on what it would be like if there was one, and I have seen people wishing that there was one.

Philippe: Smile Gigolo

No, seriously, what does it take to get spam marking privileges?

I don't know! I had them, once, but I seem to have lost them. And... wait, does everyone else see these as just blank boxes? Or is there some kind of ad I can't see?

For some reason strangers are very likely to be drug addicts in Philippe's world

he's like that lady in the leprechaun video, just assuming drugs. "It could be a crackhead got hold to the wrong stuff and told him to act a leprechaun."

Philippe and Hungry Gus are becoming my new avatar.

Yep, Hungry Gus is probably now my favorite Achewood concept in the past week or so of strips.

Philippe is just tickled by the thought of making doody into the mouth of a big white hippo.

I accidentally read that as "hobo" the first time. Better/worse y/y?

Philippe and Hungry Gus are my new avatar.

BTW, the avatar edit thingy doesn't work in Safari. Oh well.

Hungry Gus appears to be filled to the brim with a dark substance.

That crashes through the wall of 'Pure Fanboyism' to course the shiny, red fields of stalkerism

Oh no. By "closer" I just meant, you know, making sure Chris is happy, and OK. That his hair is brushed, and he is wiping clean after making the bad thing.

He doesn't have enough hair to brush it.

But does he make enough of the bad thing?

Oh wow. Mad chubbies. I'm only mildly ashamed to admit that I would buy that product.

Phillipe and Buster Bluth should get together and talk about their mothers.

I don't know about that. Buster has pretty bad luck with aquatic mammals.

We'll call it... Operation Hot Mother

...lets see if we can top that.

Oh, if only hate --> sharks applied to the real world.

Also this is a really weird thing to comment on, but I like the designs of the main logos in the more recent flowcharts for some reason.

As a child I, too, labored under the concept that all strangers were somehow drug addicts. To me, rural South Carolina was home to some of the most violent gangland turfware in the history of history, and Kroger's was its headquarters of sin.

Kids are fucked up.

Turf warfare came out as turfware, a delightful new sealant container that's organic and Of The Earth.

I have twenty minutes until I can go home and they seem like forever.

hang in there man

even though... even though this is 8 hours later

Yeah, now it starts all over again

Don't worry Phillipe, Vlad loves your mom too... maybe he'll pitch in some money!

when you get down to the bare bones, psychology is basically just sharks and moms

Sometimes a shark is just a shark though. You have to watch for that.

Perhaps his first memory associated with horribleness is the Jaws ride at Universal Studios. Or it could be just a shark!

We never did find out how his dad died...

Sometimes a shark is a card.

Other times a shark is a pool. But you really have to watch out for card sharks in your pool.

Loan? Or is that scraping the REAL bottom underneath the secret false bottom of the barrel?

Now you are getting into the spirit of it! Loan sharks, white sharks, sharks named "Bruce", they all mean "I don't love my Mom". Oh shiiiiiiiiiit!

Yep, it's all just sharks and moms. But people get all irritated when you try to jump either one.

People jump sharks; I jump their mother.
Then I tell them about it.
Repeatedly.

The latter, not the former.
They can jump as many sharks as they like, but they won't deny me the right to remind them I had their mother... and she was gagging for it... but I reckoned her performance was a bit sub-par. Must have been the whole giving birth thing that stretched her as there sure wasn't anything else that wide going in there...

*Coughs*

that is so incredibly true, rolotony. we all have our own sharks and moms, and the connection between the two is what scares us most.

I've always heard Phillipe as speaking in the voice of Flounder from The Little Mermaid. The "SHAAARK" has placed an Official Seal on this in my mind.

do you think chris wants someone to get an "I LOVE MY MOM, AND THAT'S THE DEAL!" tattoo?

I'm glad this is labeled "Inside the Mind of Philippe." I thought the decision-making flow-chart for Philippe that appeared in the corner of Roast Beef's was comprehensive and final. With the minor distinction in title, one need not supplant the other. I will not have nightmares now.

Oh crumbs

Definitely hadn't seen yours ^^

Oh crumbs!

Definitely hadn't seen yours ^^

I wonder what Roast Beef did after the third frame.

Roast Beef wrote in his diary that Philippe's smile had reminded him that Philippe will someday be less than 100% happy, and that children who used to be happy are being kidnapped or drowned in many states at this moment. He then vomited, possibly under a Nervousness Blanket. Then he curled up in a corner, facing the wall.

i thought that the roast beef smile bit was referencing this comic, because philippe's open mouth is terrifying? i mean, philippe is kind of terrifying.

More of Phillipe's Terrifying Mouth is needed, I think. And his childhood problem that is alleviated by dunking his arm in the toilet.

How so?

No the Roast Beef smile part is about Philippe not understanding that when you are cheerful towards a depressed person you'll only make them feel guilty and thus even more depressed. Beef's already under a lot of stress and he just can't deal with that right now.

(Besides, Philippe's mouth hasn't been gross for a long time. There's nothing wrong with him!)

What are you talking about?

Philippe is Five!
And how old was Philippe when his mouth was gross?

Five.

strangers always equal drug addicts, philippe. Always.

Well, everyone is addicted to something.

And everything is a drug... technically.

part of me still prefers "YES! <---> HI!"

If it makes you feel better, that last one was the Philippe "Decision-making flowchart". Such a thing is not overridden by this one which is simply "Inside the mind of Philippe", with no real bearing on making decisions.

I believe that it would be in many peoples' best interest to realize this distinction with the older and the newer flowcharts. I believe many have not realized this.

Achewood and a bowl of The Dogg is Home. Basically all a dude would ever need after a hard day at uni.

/sorry people without the cookbook. Maybe buy it?

i'd like to put in a request for lie bot's decision-making flowchart next

Hahaha Philippe is so ADD and cute

The depressed cat leaves because he believes he embarrassed himself, not knowing how to respond to the smile of an otter child.

I think this might be a video of Philippe! :-)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MdnlEsu-qng

Um, having a little trouble with BBCode, let me try again.

Video of an adorable baby otter

Am I the only one who [b>NEVER[/b] has a problem with BBCode?

[IMGS OFF]

I would buy your smiles Philippe

I wonder what ever happened to the seven dollars that Philippe loved so much.

It became that ice cream he loved just a little less.

Hi! <----> Yes!

It is good to know that being a kid means that you aren't smelly.

Philippe has never smelled my niece. Of course, she is almost 10, and therefore almost twice as smelly.

With age comes stench.

"I'm not smelly, I'm a kid!"

Six words believed by millions of middle school students across America.

The ones with or without cans of Tag?

good point, maybe both.

You know, if Phillippe visited that tattoo shop from the front page (Urban Soul) before October, he could skip the whole pen and ink step and just have "I Love My Mom, And That's the Deal!" put on his arm for ever and ever. Also, there is nothing about this flow chart that does not make me happy in some way. Yay, Phillippe!

More likely, on his face.

''Oh crumbs I have no way of having any money ever''

Just me, or does that sounds familiar? Check out the last panel of this guest strip.

Or this real strip.

Hidden gem.

Fucking Ray shaking down Phillipe. How often does THAT happen?

True though.
It isn't legal to employ a five-year-old.

Touch�.

That's how you spell it, by the way. Tushay is Antwon's brother.

touch� I believe

I think possibly you mean touch[x], where [x] = e-with-an-acute-accent.

And they told me math skills would never be useful in language. I showed them!

sigh.

lame/spam away.

Did anyone else notice in Phillipe's Blog today that he saw how to make Jelly Beans on TV? He is a fan of "How It's Made"! That is so cool.

I need to try the wine bottle trick next time I'm SUPER PISSED.

i think it was the apples that threw the whole thing off course - he should have tried peaches instead.

Achewood has been declared the Funniest Web Comic by no less a humor authority than Cracked magazine.
Dig It
Congratulations, Chris! Well deserved.

Indeed, congrats!

I just noticed a bug with the "Discuss" page. The next>> link is active even when there is not a new comic.

It is not a big deal, except for that 2 seconds when I clicked on it thinking "SWEET A NEW COMIC!!!" followed by "NNOOOOOO!!".

Why do they even make Cracked Magazine. And why would people buy it.

/yes, sorry people without the cookbook.

NO MORE FLOW CHARTS BECAUSE THIS IS THE GREATEST IT COULD EVER BE.

it'd be downhill from here. christ this was brilliant.

I was so tense reading that article...
''If achewood isn't on there, i'm signing them up for so much spam''

I had to look over this strip five times until I noticed the "Football Teams I Can Name" bit. Amazing.

I wish we could comment on blog posts, cause beef's latest made my week.

I think the idea is possibly that the blogs are character-blogs and allowing comments would bring it out of character.

Hey! I'd love to see achewood characters commenting on each other's blogs, though. That would be fun. Man that actually sounds awesome!

Also, how astride Hungy Gus is Phillipe? So astride that it is awesome.

Thank you, Chris. This was a good strip and it made my day a little brighter. :) :)

when i look at the way "INSIDE THE MIND OF Philippe!" is typeset, especially that typeface for the word "Philippe," i feel like i'm watching an episode of sex & the city and philippe is charlotte's new boyfriend and a condom's about to slip off while they're having sex and charlotte's going to run into her ex-husband at the clinic when she goes there to get the morning after pill ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

That mental image just made me more weighted.

Perfect.

Your picture blinks. That is insane.

OH FUCK IT DOES TO

Surely it would be more insane if it didn't blink..?

Well, Harvey's just named a cheeseburger after me, so i'm gonna straight up chubby some comments that made me chuckle.

Speaking of which, Chucklebot gets NO love from Onstad these days.

Probably because he had absolutely no personality traits aside from being gay.

'Rad' appears to have slipped quietly down the ladder of coolness from it's temporarily, lamentably high spot of 1990 to the depths of five-year old radness.