Peter, Paul, and Mary

Peter, Paul, and Mary 04/13/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Lyle is not happy about that his life sucked.

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dude.

first you pull the 'zomg i am teh fisrt' shit, and now you try to rewrite 'still alive'?

you fucking suck.

A common complaint amongst Frist Potsers.

Remember, THE CREATOR HIMSELF requested that we not do firsties.

(nobody is my friend. nobody ever comes to visit. i am so alone.)

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Hey! I remember Portal! Anyone else? You do? And you? Awesome. AWEsome. That is awesome and good.

Ahhhh, those were times, weren't they?

Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when you were going into the fire and I was like "Goodbye" and then you were like "NOOOO WAYYYYY" and I was like "We pretended we were going to murder you." Ahhhhhh. That was great.

Hey remember when people could say things on the Assetbar and not have people be dicks about?

Oh yeah, that never happened.

yeah, welcome to the internet. don't feed the haters, 'cause they're just hungry for YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!

The internet is the B-Side of interpersonal relationships.

serious wisdom

God damn that is some straight up poetry of the modern age my main dude!

I do not wish to be contrary, but I must remind you that "Hound Dog" was a B-Side.

The exception proves the rule.

So was "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

So was 'Urban Tropical' by Falco!

Oh! I remember that! It was cool. Remember that level where you're trying to jump across the room to avoid the pool of acid on the floor, and the Weighted Nemesis Cube sneaks up behind you and steals your crowbar? That was awesome. And at the end, when you finally find GlaDOS, and she sits on the cake? That was great.

Little GLaDOS would NEVER sit on a cake! She's much too well-behaved for that!

Unless....RAY! Noooooooooooo!

[IMGS OFF]

KAWAII! ^.^

cool story, bro

where is the third leg of that tripod?

*shivers*

Dude they came out of the woodwork to lame that one to hell.
Posters of the past and yore whose personae are now only stuff of rumors- they showed up like angry ghosts to lame the dogshit out of that post.
It just may be 1st-post Hall of Fame material lame.

After reading your post I went back and lamed it. I want to be a part of history.

I...I think you already are part of history, fattybeaver.

A obscure part of history that not a lot of people will be familiar with, but history nonetheless.

I AM FROM HISTORY

Fuck history. I want to be part of the myth.

I already have myths about. Around here I am known as the guy who beat herpes. (Myth)

herpes responds better to bludgeoning

I heard herpes do their best when you are stressed. How convenient! What better way to cheer up than having a nice blooming garden of blood flowers on your crotch.

"Blood Flowers" would be a great name for a band. First CD: "In Your Crotch"

Their first break out album

The Cure released an album titled Bloodflowers.

Fuck you too.

Apparently, history has other plans.

No plans, just a pleasent passing fuck you for tripperday. I mean if someone walked by you on the street and said fuck scorpio, you'd tip your hat and smile as you responded in kind wouldn't you?

fuckin' ay.

Sadly, I was trying to get Myth's attention.

I wish there was a Hall of Lame. But I would live in fear that somehow I would make it in, and ever after...everyone would know.

Fifteen seconds of "Mr. Standing on It" seems to lead to a lifetime of "Mr. Guest Comic from Questionable Content".

Too soon, man. Too soon.

-Liebot, what is the saddest thing?
-When you accidentally lame a perfectly reasonable comment minutes after its appearance. Its brief light shines and then is smothered.
-Noooo!

(Sorry cpnglxycnecnpcz-!)

He had it coming. He knows what we do to firsties in this town. Ironically, it's the same thing as what Lyle plans to do to Teodor's dreams.

meanwhile, phillippe listens to a cassette that liebot gave him ...

[IMGS OFF]

It's a song about nap-time!

SHUT UP! i was gonna say that!

He beat me with 4 minutes, actually, i just looked at the picture.

And thought "why would he smile to that" and i thought up the excact same thing as awko did.

I was please with myself, i was just to hit the reply butten when i saw awko's posts.

I swear, he used a time machine on me after he saw my funny one-liner to go back in time and beat me to it.

Maybe you can read minds man did that not occur to you?

Everytime I see Philippe with these headphones I grow him a second right arm :/

cpnglxynchos. as in captain galaxy nachos.

yes. that one.

FRITS POTS!!
I like how <insert today's strip funny words that will enter my vernacular/vocabulary/lexicon here> will now enter my everyday vernacular/vocabulary/lexicon.

I'M READY, ASSETBAR. I'M READY.

At least he wasn't listening to the cure

We got lucky. This time.

"Let's go to bed", it's also a song about nap-time.

That's what you get when you manage to get past Lyle's emotional barriers. He wants you to taste the kerb.

Or at least a swift kak to the head.

i think that is a very offensive phrase in great britain.

don't worry, we're all "matey with the lads" here.

Didn't Townsend write a song re: "mating about with the lads."

Hint: its not Magic Bus.

Don't know. He sure as hell didn't write that book about it though, even after he promised.

Maybe he's still doing "research." (if he was American, his pedoporn watching would be tax deductible).

Huh. I had to search Wikipedia for "kerb" to find out if that was actually an accepted spelling of "curb." I also found out that in the U.S., a storey of a building is a "story." The article also confirms my longstanding belief that in the U.K., tire is spelt "tyre," but I think that's bullshit because every English person I've asked has given me a funny look, and told me it's the former. Thanks Assetbar, because of you, I learned some important lessons in American and British spelling differences today.

I'm Canadian, which is why I got mad ambidexterity between the two styles.

What Wikipedia doesn't tell you about is the shame you feel, because every time you spell it "kerb", people have to go to Wikipedia to find out what you're talking about.
If I had my way, "kerb" would be a type of fish. Although I must admit that I was pleased to learn that the purpose of a kerb is to revet the cairn. :D

I can offer confirmation on the "tyre" front. Many's the time on a cold winter's morn that I've found myself much too tyred to get out of bed.

It happens to me even into the Spring. Why, whan that Aprill with his shoures soote...

I really should have guessed that you of all people would be into the Tales, Hedonismbot.

Tee hee

(Also I'm pretty sure it's "hir shoures soote".)

My copy is 'his'. Perhaps your copy just liked writing 'hir' to trick dirty minded people online

Arses!

The tyres on your car are spelt tyre in the UK, and no other way. The verb "to tire" as in "tired out" is spelt with an "i".

I had literally no idea that the kerb on the pavement [sidewalk] could be spelt "curb" until I saw this post.

Lyle would punch your head for spelling it k-e-r-b.

As if he needs a reason.

I always thought that song was just about a dragon... fuck, Onstad, way to ruin my childhood memories.

Man, "Honna Lee" is actually in the song? I thought I made that up because I didn't know the words.

VINDICATED!

damn chubby limits

Got you covered

cheers

chubbies for the mspa avatar.

Mostly there so epilepsic people can't see my name

My chubby has no limits. Go to the door. It is there. Waiting.

Should I knock?

Knock on wood.

Knockin on heaven's door?

You don't want to see what Lyle does when he hears "Leavin' On A Jet Plane..."

[IMGS OFF]

the alt-text makes this one way more worthwhile

i am not happy about that onstad thinks it is okay to break the rules of grammar. the rule of grammars are very serious.

vamlumtimes is serious times

[IMGS OFF]

after the dish ran away with the spoon, the heart-broken fork managed to channel his uncontrollable rage into a successful formula 1 career.

oh, and the mustache? let's just say with that baby he doesn't have to worry about who's going to spoon with him next saturday night

That was horrendous. Chubbied.

An unforkettable tine was had by all.

You're terrible! You are terrible!

You're so upset your contractions stopped.

If he had contractions, he was pregnant.

If he was pregnant, then he must've been interrobanged.

yes but when break them it is funny

He's just enjoying the song SO MUCH.

Such rapture demands a swift kick to the head.

Now that we know Lyle's past, this is almost endearing.

Before we would have all just gone "Oh, that Lyle!!" and giggled till we shat ourselves.

We...we would have all done that.

For the first few panels, I was worried it was going to be some take on the drug joke about this song.

My worries were irrational.

Onstad does it again.

[IMGS OFF]

An awful photoshop for an awesome joke. Chubbied.

An awful photoshop was the best Mr. Jackie Paper could have hoped for after asking around for an illustrator reference at his Tuesday night "Writers Unite" meeting at Starbucks, which consisted of four or five guys brushing unconditioned hair out of their eyes as they crowded around each others' crusty Acer laptops and pronounced the word "denouement" to varying degrees of success.

Chubbed for the imagery of people failing to pronounce denouement (it's DAY-noo-mon, if you're wondering).

No, it's not. It's pronounced "Look at the Genius in his Room!"

It's a slippery slope. Before long you'll pronounce homage so that it rhymes with cheese.

I see what you did there.

Are you saying fro mage doesn't rhyme with black mage?

I see what you did there.

You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth

A good description of French.

it's actually "duh-noo-mon"

je parle fran�ais

Day no? No: duh.

Me say Day
Me say day
Me say day-no
Daylight come and me wanna go home.

As i said, parler fran�ais sur Assetbar vous transforme en chinois

Something something Assetbar something wearing chinos?

Man, your sentence got so pissed off, it started questioning itself mid-stride!

Sometimes you have to let it go..

That dragon's hand should not be in the place that it is... :(

the dragon is about to do a :(

Wait. Have Teodor's legs ALWAYS looked like watermelons stabbed by skis?

just noticed the dick in your avatar.

i want to cum, but my priest tells me it's bad for the soul

Masturbation is more dangerous than smoking. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's, this fact has been lost in the "if it feels good, do it" mentality.
Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
Reality: Christianity proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.
Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!
Myth: Masturbation is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! It is true that Onan wasn't Masturbating, but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason.
Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.
Myth: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for Masturbation being outlawed.
Reality: Oral and anal sex are already illegal in several States, and people like it that way! Masturbatory devices are already illegal in Texas, and the Police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law, even going as far as to torture clerks that worked in stores that sold indecently-shaped soap and candles, and there has been no public outcry.
Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate.

Where the fuck did you get that information.

It's his term paper.

tl;dr (used the time saved to jack-off).

It's from a fake anti-masturbation website. I once found it while searching for porn.

Hmmm - 'fake anti-masturbation' I'm struggling to get my head around that one.

It's like trannies. You know you shouldn't fap to it, but we all know it's impossible not to

I'm more of a clutch guy myself.

No, no, I mean a website that is against maturbation, but it is a hoax - like the one warning of the dangers of "Di-hydrogen-oxide".

I was fooled by it. Until I read the kids section (NSFW). http://www.truechristian.com/masturbation.html

http://whitehouse.georgewbush.org/initiatives/purity/index.asp

That's not where I found it, but good.
Go to truechristian to see cartoons of girls being raped.

Perfect avatar-comment synergy with that one.

Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW!

Where were you when Van Halen was compiling factoids for that video?

Go ahead and mark it 150,001.

i read your comment and i made it 150.002

That is a much smaller number.

not in europe it isn't

True for small values of europe.

Drinking Crystal Pepsi; vomiting; repeat.

I liked that stuff! Cola flavor without the nasty thick syrupiness. I seem to remember it being available for like a few months in 8th grade and then being pulled.

While I'm on the subject, I also remember that when I was in middle school Fred Meyer's store-brand Dr. Pepper imitation was called Dr. Smooth, which was the sole reason why we bought it.

I remember it tasting absolutely nothing like cola. When the great Cola Wars come to pass, however, I shall still remain firmly on the righteous side of Pepsi.

East Coast/West Coast, Pepsi/Coke... let's just get this stuff all out of the way and agree to just hate the South and RC Cola.

Can you believe those southern pig-boffers call it "pop." (maybe because it ends up in their mouth)

I'll never read Hop on Pop the same way again.

I read everything from "Hop on Pop" to "Death Be Not Proud." It was soooo sad the way they hopped on Pop!

People called it that where I was from as well. I still cannot ever stand it. Seltzer or tonic I could even tolerate, but never, ever... that accursed word.

I've had a few different Dr Pepper knock-offs. The currently available one is Dr. Thunder from Roundy Foods, which is nice, but the Best Yet line had the best names. Dr Best! Moutain Best! BEST UP!

Best Attack on Fuck Mountain

Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.

That would explain a lot.

That is teh most awesomest site. I mean, what is EVEN going on with it. Crazy, man.

Am I the only one who doesn't get this guy's shtick? I mean, I get it... but why does everyone like it?

Because we're weirdly capricious about whether or not we enjoy trolls, and he won that lottery?

Yeah, but even Manflesh had to win us over. And gladi8orrex still fights for acceptance. Those guys at least delivered. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

[IMGS OFF]

Glad is more accepted than manflesh ever was.

I'm pretty sure that Manflesh was the one who posted hundreds of pages of Voyager fanfiction with Tom Paris find/replaced by "a small stain on the lapel."
He ran right up against my modern art barrier
and trashed it

He also replaced it with hundreds of tiny dogs.

As in images.

He only wanted us to have a sexy weekend! That was ALL HE WANTED.

i guess sexy weekends are "wrong" these days.

That looks strangely like the woman who was rescued from The Titanic aged 9 weeks - am I missing something?

Because he has a bunch of troll accounts and gives himself a bunch of Chubbies in a desperate plea for attention?

I have a feeling this is the case. If I ignore a user, does it ignore their chubbies? I get the feeling that maybe, in the future, iwc will say something else, and I don't want to miss that.

Also his avatar is pretty hot.

Man, but it's, what, 50x50? And no, if you ignore someone, you can see their comments if you click on them, but otherwise, you see nothing.

Also, I chubby iwc, and I suspect I'm not the only one. He's taken assetbar trolling to its purest essence. He posts exactly the same thing, exactly once, on every new strip.

And he doesn't need attention, considering he's reached meme status.

ALSO: Check out the comments.

Is our meme... spreading?

I don't think that makes him a troll. He's a poster with a gimmick.
And why ignore him? His comments are four words long. The only people I ever ignore are real trolls, people who post pornography and huge messages etc.

Please do not feed the trolls. This can alter their natural diet of seeds and insects and cause them to become ill.

I like it, but this felt like a weak entry.

Honestly what I don't get is how he can pull that out so consistently and get massive chubs with it. You'd think it would get a bit old and, while people would still enjoy it, it wouldn't get quite so many chubbies and, eventually, possibly wouldn't get any. Just being appreciated with a brief smirk. But no, he keeps it up.

I don't think I've ever chubbied him, but I have found it amusing.

As compared to other trolls he isn't a dick about it. Just a quick, short message and he's done. No long, annoying rants or trying to constantly start fights with people or such. Usually only one post per strip too. Makes it go down a lot easier.

yeah. this guy isn't funny. The people who chubby iwannacum are the same people who have allegiance to soft drink brands and makes and models of automobile and who vote for elected officials based on what subjective vibe they get about the candidate's personality. iwannacum isn't even a troll. He's a moron. He may be annoying, in a sophisticated Chinese water-torture kinda way, drip... drip... drip... but I think to be a troll you have to be more than annoying... you have to be subtle... maybe the first person to troll via that method was original, but I mean, at this point, it's old news. As such, it's just not subtle anymore. You want a troll... Andy Kaufman was a troll.
[IMGS OFF]...

Meh. I find him funny for the same reason Belgand does, short chuckle and it's done.

Yes, but you didn't incorporate nearly as many dick jokes as when I said it.

Sorry: Short chuckle and I'm done.

Girl, you know it's true. I'll lick my dick for you.

Quote:

Makes it go down a lot easier.

[13-year-old-boy]Snicker.[/13-year-old-boy]
Also:
That'swhatshesaid.

(That'swhatshesaid used ironically, I just want to make that clear.)

That makes it worse. Sincerity is the new irony.

I thought black was the new patriotism.

No, 50 is the new red.

Dammit, I knew I'd get it wrong somehow.

If that's the only one you noticed you need to embrace your inner middle schooler a lot more. The entire thing is an extended innuendo as much as it is a criticism/analysis of his methods and reception.

Chastised for failing to catch all of the dick jokes. That is a new experience for me. In my defense, though, I didn't read your post that closely (sorry), and so the last sentence stuck out at me.

Don't worry. It isn't always easy the first time you read it. I'll try to go slowly.

I don't understand. Slower.

YES.

...

What have you done with daidai?

He's behind you!

He's above YOU!

The post is coming from inside the internet!

LOUD NOISES

You win.

Correct. I wanna cum.

Oh my god
it was gladi8orrex the whole time

Correct. I wanna cum!

No, I want to cum!

[IMGS OFF]

I saw that movie. He starts off nice, but ends up rather cross in the end.

[IMGS OFF]

This...this is the most terrible thing I have seen in a long time...chubby for you sir

Ah, the origins of bukkake.

Seriously, i go away for a month and everybody is ready to cum ?

What's the deal ?

Affirmative. We're all aroused.

We wanted to come, but we needed you here to complete the erotic transaction. Now we can move on to phase two.

OH SHIIIIIII-

I love you guys.

He's above you and behind you.

ceilingPolanski.png

I am also not happy about that my life sucked. Can I be yo fwend, Wonstad? :o)

Someone make a Birthday Card out of the penultimate panel and then send it to me in 1.3 years. Do this.

What does it say about the collective vocabulary of our society that I just felt the need to chubby someone for correctly using the word penultimate?

Next to nothing.

I came here solely to say that this is the best reply ever.

Or is it ... (wait for it) ... the NEXT best?

He's next to nothing!

Sorry, wrong thread.

You win the internet.

Liebot, that's just exactly what I wanted!

That it's bad? And maybe misguided?

it says more about your perception of the intelligence of those around you in relation to your own

Quote:

I just felt the need to chubby someone for correctly using the word penultimate?

How do you feel about the word pedantic?

Rather a moist word, hardly woody at all!

Gooooooooooooooooooooooorn.

Penultimate

from paene "almost" ultimus "final."

Ugh. These days, I keep this kind of stuff out of my vocabulary on purpose.

That's not even really funny. It's like a joke about suicide at a funeral.

Please supply your address.

I shall if you return the favor in 13 years.

Is Lyle's life at a close?

Dude

The Friday Facts was on Friday, what are you talking about

Check the date

I don't give a shit when the backdate was, it was posted TODAY.

The backdate stuff was better before when he didn't shove it down our throats all on one day. Both these would have been better separated (laughing at Mario Lopez all weekend) and this one was pretty much done Sunday, apparently, since he previewed almost the entire thing then.

what are you talking about, we were always at war with eastasia

I blame Snowball.

It turns out that Snowball gets killed with an axe in mexico.

Ice pick, sorry.

My hasty research shows that it was the pick end of an ice axe. We're both right!

Wow. Post on time, don't post all at once... have a fucking whinge why don't ya.

Oh... I agree with the preview of a strip, no joke should have that kind of lead up.

I have no clue what a WHINGE is. Explain.

I had said the thing about not shoving all the back material on us at once already, especially with the community aspect it just doesn't make sense.

As far as "posting on time", my beef with it is that he might as well have just waited until Friday to post it. Same argument I made for waiting to give us all the backfill, he's afforded himself time to not have to be under the gun and blew it by blowing his load too soon.

Oh... Australian/European/English thing... possibly. It means to whine but in a more childish manner.

You're choice of analogy, load blowing, amuses me... mainly because I'm hoping iwannacum will drop in and make a definitive statement.

You're = Your. Fucking hell you useless sack of shit.

I AM ANALOGY.

hehe
anal

[i]Anal![i/] Oh GEE!

hahahahahahahahahahah

ahhh fuck it.

Just do it yourself, man.

Because Onstad OWES US! Free art that doesn't show up as often as we'd like it to deserves to be ragged on and bitched about.

Shut the fuck up and enjoy the content.

Just enjoy the c

excuse me i am shitfaced.

... ummm... would you like a rag?

You are excused.

Oh wait, what is that Mr. Mayor? TODAY IS OPPOSITE DAY, YOU SAY? Well than things do not bode well for KillingTheJay.

Sometimes I wonder who invented Opposite Day, you know?
Obviously it was a 14-year-old lying to his little brother... But I want to know WHO it was.

Maybe we could track him down. See where he is now, what he's done since then.

Does anyone want to help me with this?

You mean Sir Patrick O' P. Posite?

Are you the one who added that to Wikipedia?

Go to the history page and find out.
And to save you time, no. It wasn't me.
Also, I didn't realize it spelled out "opposite" untilk after I clicked submit.

Thank you for telling me it wasn't you.
I can not make heads nor tails of that dang history page.

Maybe I am an idiot?

That is the most accepted hypothesis.
Not really; I love you.

I think the bigger issue is that it's easy to miss this lame backfill stuff. I didn't even know that he posted a backdated Friday strip until this post. I mean, yeah, I would have clicked back to do some extra commenting, but I might not and I would have simply missed it.

It squanders comics and it makes it far more likely that people won't see them. It really isn't a good idea and provides, so far as I can see, no real benefit.

there is backdated stuff? what the hell guys since when is all this happening! i just don't feel safe anymore. which ones of you are internet predators? identify yourselves!

It started last week, after the Vlad Show.

Is, is it really so surprising?

(I'm referring to the predatory part. The backdating is new)

A pre-dater? Hmm, I predate history.

I totally agree with you

dog you are a top quality poster; your post here was twice as entertaining as any onstad strip has been in over a year.

way to hold the man to a higher standard. it's people like you that are the last hope for achewood.

Normally I would be thankful but I see through your ruse neonfreon.

The alt-text sounds like something ELIZA would say.

"Why are you unhappy about that your life sucks?"

Eliza from a badly translated version of Street Fighter II?

Well, that is better what I had. "Why are you unhappy about that your life sucks 'Enry 'Iggins".

I don't care what anyone says. That was always Audrey Hepburn's most fuckable role.

Oh dear! No, we can't say she's fuckable! That's a travesty!

She is a beautiful lady, and you can lay her down and gently make sweet, tender love to her if you want.

But she's dead, so I don't know if you're into that.

Quote:

But she's dead, so I don't know if you're into that.

Like I said. "I don't care what anyone says."

No, she is definitely fuckable. Fuckable in a hold-her-hands-behind-her-back-and-rut-like-a-bull kinda way.

I mean, not in her later years but back in the 1950s I would have been ALL OVER THAT.

I mean, if she would have looked twice at me.

Which she wouldn't have.

woah, man.

I have never felt she was particularly fuckable. However, while double-checking many pictures of her in various roles to verify this opinion (hey, I might have been wrong or changed my mind... I put research into my posts dammit!) I can see how someone might want to give her a facial. She just... she has that sort of face where I can totally see the desire to do that even if I have no desire to do that to her. Or, for that matter, any other lady.

hmmm... I was thinking that and didn't post. I deleted my whole diatribe. Err... thanks for helping articulate my base desire.

Thinking that she wasn't fuckable or that you wanted to do it all over her Funny Face?

I was thinking I'd like to take her on a Roman Holiday.

By Roman I mean there will be anal and by Holiday I mean it will last a weekend.

I'd like to give her a {checks imdb} Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I'd go-lightly right on her face.

I think you're mistaken. Greek is the more common term used to reference anal. Roman, as in the term "Roman shower" refers to being vomited upon. Have fun with that one.

I'd like to make her My Fair Lady, if you know what I mean.

(What I mean is that I would bleach her hair and ask her to marry me.)

Vertigo!

Marvel!

Dark Horse!

Well I never thought it would be like this, but...

New England Comics!

SPOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Crossgen? Charleston? ... Valiant?

You mean finger-bang her on the Tilt-a-Whirl?

S-s-s-screw you guys, I'm going back to my doubleporn. (3d glasses not included)
[IMGS OFF]

Oh man, I can look at her boob and crotch at the same time!

Clearly you've yet to be introduced to the wonder of...

Septuagenarians!

The bed or whatever she's on in the crotch-picture looks like lungs, or brains.

Do you think it is rad to have brain fetishism stereo

The brain is tied with the junk when it comes to importance. The two must work in tandem, with neither one taking over completely lest problems occur.

What the hell, man?!?

I am uncertain precisely what your disapproval pertains to. Please clarify.

Call me crazy, but I'd hit it in The Lion in Winter. I love a girl in costume, and by then she could have handled all the moving by herself.

That was the 'other' Hepburn, hedo. Not that you'd hesitate hitting Ethel Thayer in On Golden Pond.
Just sayin'.

Man, that's a dumb one to drop for me. It's been a bad year. I always assume people want to hit it with Audrey. So some sick part of my mind read the colored gentleman's original post as wanting to bang down on the less hot one. It isn't even worth saying out loud that you would give it to Audrey. It is assumed.

oh, man. I was like so not hep to the burn you laid down, like it was, cause they both dead anyway you dig. hyuk, hyuk. you knew that, right, moldy. an I'm like, o-kay, you can swing wid de old biddy too, she was good enough for Spence, ain't my nevamine to say.

we coo, we coo.

we coo?

You knowed dat was Ant'ny Hopkin played her son, dinchu. Uhuh I knowed you knowed.

She was portrayed as a hot little number in The Aviator. Probably some truth to that: Hollywood would never trifle with a real person's character.

On the other hand, Spence was so gassed, he probably thought he was with the cute one (Audrey).

Skinny women are actually substitutes for young MALES in the sexual pantheon, you repressed gay bitches.

oh, so that's why I make my girl dress in a cub scout uniform (i won't even tell you what merit badges I've given her).

Badges?!

Do we need badges?

We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.

That badge ?
http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF191-Boy_Scouts.gif

Greatest. Line. Ever.
(And still the attitude of most drug cartel members.)

Psst girls can't be Cub Scouts... that's a Boy Scout thing. They'd be Girl Scouts or, at a younger age, Brownies.

Aside from the obvious issues it is a pretty great thing that Girl Scouts don't discriminate against homosexuals or atheists. This vastly increases the chance that they'll lez out around the campfire.

Get with the times. They can in Australia at least. Brownies and Girl Guides have been abandoned in favour of Cub Scouts and Scouts (no Boy or Girl modifier). Largely because in Brownies you got badges for making cups of tea, and in Cubs you set things on fire. Modern children regardless of gender really like to watch things burn.

Won't happen here. The Boy Scouts of America are a homophobic, deistic group and if you don't worship something and enjoy the idea of boning ladies they want nothing to do with you.

They staunchly refuse to get with the times.

but it is ok to touch the little boys if you are such as their scoutmaster and have their best interests at heart.

Quote:

The Boy Scouts of America are a homophobic

Based on media coverage of scoutmaster escapades, I'd say they are homophilic.

Quote:

girls can't be Cub Scouts

My point was in response to pursuing skinny women as stand-ins for young males. If girls could be cub scouts, the comment would make no sense.

Wow... yeah, OK, looking back at it I just totally had that go over my head for some reason. I'm just gonna go nip off an kill myself now before I lose any more perspicacity.

Don't feel bad, it went over my head too. This whole thread has been pretty confusing.

Quote:

Psst girls can't be Cub Scouts... that's a Boy Scout thing.

Psst -- I think he intentionally chose to Cub Scout uniform for his skinny girlfriend to play along with my bozo theory.

"Lyle, your life sucks. How come?"

is that your real face invidious? If it is not then you should not have that as your avitar because I don't have much imagination so it's difficult for me to imagine you not looking like that. If it is then, you should still not have it as your avitar. such an intense expression on that avitar's face. I don't think I could ever relate to someone like that if I met them in person and that expression was permanently frozen on their visage. it would be unsettling.

It is Alexei Sayle

Who's that fat bastard?

avatar.

... and it's an English comedian from memory.

So, this wim9k guy... %uFF41%uFF49%uFF55%uFF1F%u3000%uFF2F%uFF50%uFF49%uFF4E%uFF49%uFF4F%uFF4E%uFF53%u3000%uFF41%uFF4E%uFF59%uFF4F%uFF4E%uFF45%uFF1F

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

word.

still. he hasn't broken anything yet, let the kid play.

Yeah-yeah you%u2019re bloody well right! You know you%u2019re right to say...
Me, I don%u2019t care anyway!

No status, no class. Hehehehehhe...

Sorry about the spam thing, I misclicked. :(

meow

=^.^=

Look , I'll admit this song, "The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" (Pogues version only), and "Ol' Blue" by a guy called Traditional still bring a tear to my eye.

"The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" is probably one of my favorite songs of all time, my history teacher played it for us one time and me and my friend both kept asking if it ever got faster, because it always was RIGHT on the verge but never got faster.

Is that that song about when Mel Gibson got shot by those Turks?

What are your legs?

AAAAAAND Lyle is back to being Lyle.

Pass the dutchie, old man.

From the makers of the "Longshoreman's Heimlich" we now bring you the "Hipster's Catharsis".

Today, Lyle is a genius.

Lye's short fat swiftness when he kicks Teodore reminds me of Mario. His shoes too for that matter.

He hasn't been this physical since he tore Lie Bot open.

Let's a go!

This...this just isn't great. I've avoided saying too much about the state of the comic lately, but...well. Achewood just hasn't been very good on the whole since the wedding. I'm starting to fear that the good days may be waning.

AH DOOD DONT TALK BAD ABOUT ACHEWOOD WTFUX

Oh yeah, I was supposed to leave, thanks for reminding me IronDave.

Also thanks for keeping Assetbar safe by laming pretty much every comment I make.

...what?

I await the imminent day when the internet collapses into a black hole under the combined weight of the irony and nonsense which are rapidly overtaking pornography as its primary content-form.

wait why are you leaving now?

Because he wants to take away the biggest part of me...!

Your hate?

Ooh ooh ooh ooh now, baby please don't go...

You mean my dick?

Wait . . .

I'm giving the dude that is responsible for 90% of my laughing for the past several years the benefit of the doubt. I know what you mean. I've been bothered lately, but I'm being patient.

If Onstad is responsible for 90% of your laughs in the last few years, you are either his wife, his child, or someone with a completely humorless life.

Are you Blondie?

Sometimes you are the person who has to make the laughing happen. I mean, not that I'm ever above doing things just to be amused by my own antics, hell, that's usually the primary reason I do, but sometimes you're living with the straight man.

None of those four. Most likely I estimated erroneously on the hardest thing to estimate.

It's totally not as good as it was during '05 and '06, but it's had its moments -- "Vagina Products McGyver," the series of Circumstances strips around Christmas, the Vlad mini-arc in particular were pretty golden.

I feel like a lot of the problems that brought on Onstad's hiatus are still affecting him and/or were last fall (book tour, expanding the franchise, the whole sudden move out of state...) Also the (frankly subpar) Connie/Polly arc took like two freakin' months. I'll start to worry if it doesn't get better within a few more months, but not before then.

All five rows of panels now
All waiting an extra three days for the comic
All takes too long to read when you're high

I would welcome back the kind of three-panel minimalist strips we never seem to get anymore.

I think people expect every strip to display the kind of quality that only 20% of strips ever had. No one really remembers the strips before of after Liebot tells Phillipe about The Saddest Thing.

And that may just be the Saddest Thing.

[IMGS OFF]

AW HELLZ YEAH WE DOING THIS.

WE GETTING ALL SHARK JUMPY IN HERE.

pearoast:
[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

that is ....AWSOME!
He is an Otter afterall.

OH "JUMPED THE SHARK" I GET IT!

Whoa. WHOA.

Has that been your avatar the whole time?

YES

All my doubts were assuaged when I read the garage sale strip. That was utter perfection.

Fact ^

A strip so good, he wrote it twice!

Lyle, the consummate Oppenheimer of folk music.

Now he is become Reality, Destroyer of Childhoods.

No Lyle, Just No

Not 3 guy one hammer all over again !

What you say !!

You have no chance to survive make your time

They have to way instain... hang on.

It took you 3 seconds to produce that?

With Potty-Pals(tm) you too can produce a finished ~~turd of a~~ post in 3 seconds!

(Void where restrictions apply.)

(Apply restrictions where bowels are voided.)

Oooh la LA LA LA LA!

After becomming a dishwasher Lyle has the right to say those sort ofthings.

Still, fuck you lyle.

FUCK YOU!

Puff the magic dragon lived on a shelf / he had no one to play with so he played with himself / he finally got a girlfriend but she was far too rough / now he's got a boyfriend that's why we call him "Puff"

Ah, youth.

That's a cute story. Trouble is, it sounds like you've avoided having your childhood crushed so far. So far...
Until you think of what furries would think of that cute little story... :D

When you see your father squeezin' the arse of your childhood sweetheart your childhood is crushed forever, believe me.

S.. son?

FUCK YOU, ASSETBAR. I NEED TO DISTRIBUTE MORE CHUBBIES.

nailed in the face with a bottle-handed crescent kick. how embarrassing.

This is me an' my device I hopes u njoys it

p.s. lo~~fuckin'~~l

well i'll be, what are the odds, i happen to be that same person and here i am talking about random stuff

:) i ~~love you~~ wanna cum

<_<

>_>

^_^

Glad's turning Japanese, everyone. Look away!

Instant Classic.

alright assetbar, that is quite enough of this~~

of what?

Correct. I wanna cum.

why don't you go read a book about the history of tampon technology and it's adoption by various societies around the world and get back to us with a book report. 5 pages single spaced. If you keep up with this inane drivel you're going to have to be drowned in a bubble bath.

funny enough, bubble bath is irritating to vaginas

So that's why your mom keeps calling me bubble-bath. I thought it was a cute nickname

B... Bubble-Bath?

A vagina to boot.

I thought that when a woman has an orgasm her asshole is usually out with the kids.

Not worth the wait.

How long are you sitting around waiting to make the reveal such a problem?

For to behold three day possible?

Your sentence hurts.

woodenteeth is not happy about that your sentence constructed.

miaou is in the correct of me about.

You give a little, you get a little.

What? *re-reads* Oooooh. Heh.

All is forgiven.

KAK!

Dare you dream??

KAK!

Panel 8 is frickin' hilarious. But I find it hard to believe that Lyle had dreams, unless one counts perhaps grilling chicken for the pit crews at the Talladega 500.

i am curious how this got here:
[IMGS OFF]

everyone, check your 'my music' folders for a similar folder. it contains a one second mp3 that you should never ever play and probably delete instead.

As opposed to the Yellowcard folder which contains several longer mp3's that you should never ever play and probably delete instead.

chubby / lols.. i don't even know who 'yellowcard is'.. still funny.

i don't even know if there's a band called Yellowcard Is.

the only songs that are involved are 'way away', the title track, 'believe' and 'only one'.

as in, only their first album exists here.

I'm not seeing how this makes it okay.

meh, again, i regret nothing. i listen to music others Do Not Like.

What, like Metallica? The Beatles? Led Zeppelin?

Come to think of it, is there any music which is universally liked? (I think the Super Mario Bros. chiptune might be)

The Beatles is probably about as close to universally liked music as possible.

So no.

I think the time of it being universally liked is fading. When the boomers go it'll be liked, sure, but I doubt it will be liked to the same degree. It'll just become one of those things that you're supposed to like because it became enshrined as canon.

Not saying it's bad. I mean, they did some good songs and really changed what people were doing with pop music and how they were working in the studio, but they did some bad and mediocre stuff as well. Plus, well, things don't stay revolutionary for long. What does your average youngish teenager think about the Matrix today? I am actually very curious about this.

I don't like the beatles.

If you'll glance up quickly, you might catch the tail end of my point as it flies over your head.

meh, again, i regret nothing. i listen to music others Do Not Like.

Just for the record, I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I intended it as good-natured teasing. It is fine to like different things. Personally I have about half a dozen Tom Petty songs on my computer and liking Tom Petty, even a little bit, is apparently a Cardinal Sin for some assetbar posters.

Wish I could be at the event tonight to welcome Onstad to Portland but I have an evening job dammit

new and improved:
[IMGS OFF]

Holy fuck Lyle flipped Teodor off so hard he broke his wrist!

Teodor was uninjured but remained seriously flipped off for several hours.

Funeral services will be held tomorrow.

It is the opinion of this Court, Mr. Gabriel, that you are an Asshole with three elbows.

Even though there's something very wrong with that wrist, it's still funnier this way.

It's the natural thing to do after you kick someone in the face.

JuS' tHoT u'D wAn' KnO' I M fuLLa KnOwLEdgEs

that came out gr8 i m really proud of myself (ib i dun says so myself, datis)

gladi, you need to get that broken nose fixed.

You need to get that broken fuse nixed.

You need to get that fucking noose bricked?

serious serial killer type shit

You got your keyboard fixed?

Everyone's going to Kim's to play Qix?

You called?

Cute, but this makes at least the second new login someone has created just to give a comment in character. Is this really for the best? I think long-standing comment-avatar synergy is what we're after.

It's not the second, it's been happening for a while.

The best one was David Mamet and Aaron Sorkin and my idea for a show about the internet chatrooms...which Aaron Sorkin is actually going to do (he's making a movie about the creation of Facebook).

I meant the second one on this strip.

How can Sorkin do a movie about Facebook? You can't walk and post!

It's about the CREATION, like the programming and stuff?

I dunno, Sorkin is on cocaine.

True, but now I'm not going to be able to see Todd without thinking about Aaron Sorkin.

I think we just made the ideal casting decision.

F-f-fuck it dude, I'm writin' a script b-b-bout the White House!

You need to get those nuking bros fricked.

Chris Onstad,
Check your email regarding your postal mail.
-- Justin Major

ANARCHY RULES

I have a serious question so I know this won't work but here it is: I need to get a loan for a new (used) car before I get laid off in June, and I'm soliciting advice on what kinda car to get. I want fuel efficiency, I don't want American because that sounds like a ticket to getting screwed over on quality, price, fuel efficiency, and the cost of service and replacement parts down the road. So I'm thinking of getting a Hyundai. Also I want a stick shift. thinking about 4 to 6 years old. thoughts? suggestions? Anyone selling?

Hyundai Elantras are okay i guess. If you like fuel efficiency, they have it. The pickup is decent and I believe you can get it manual. It isn't very expensive and as far as Hyundais go, Elantra's are pretty durable. At 100,000 the car should still be running. You can't say that for all economy cars.

I will warn you though: Hyundai has NO FUCKING CLUE how to make a stereo. The sound system is GARBAGE. No way to connect an MP3 player except through an FM transmitter, and those are inconsistent and generally poor quality. There is a staticky sound (quiet but still annoying) when you change the volume. Pressing the break weakens radio signals. I'm not kidding. If you get this car, listen to a CD instead of the radio...or replace the fucking godawful piss-shit sound system. Or listen to CDs.

Jesus Christ is that sound system bad.

The saddest thing is when someone with questions about what car to buy has no one to turn to but the comments page for a webcomic

A webcomic about talking cats getting high, nonetheless.

And shops on Craig's List.

No, seriously folks. The people on here KNOW stuff. And they're sexy. Except, I think that daidai might be pressing the buttons on the radio wrong. Or driving a car from 1982. hheh heh heh Or both...

I have an Elantra, the things he said are true. It's been in my family for 8 years and I've only had to take it into the shop twice, once with a crack in the charcoal canister and again when my radiator cracked and basically my engine overheated to the melting point. That was less the cars fault and more the fact that when I changed the timing belt I didn't have professional people doing it.

hey daidai do one of those posts where you say nothing and your avatar just Looks at this man for laughing at you and your low but Honest automobile.

[i]fuck you[i]

fuck me.

daidai has the 1st 2 lines of his new song.

[i]fuck you[i]

fuck me
Fuck you assetbar thats how its gonna be.

You think you so hot
With yo god damn brackets
You a lame motherfucker
Cause I cant go back-its

sad I wanna edit my post,
and fixup my fuckups
But youre all interfering
Cause you don't know whats up.

There's new technology fool
its called an edit button
You got the computer chops
of some pissed-on mutton.

Aint hard to do
To fix up yoself
But I guess youre too busy
Like some gay Christmas Elf.

Well I'm fed up with this shit
You heard it, I'm through
And gonna ruin myself
Tryin to deal with you.

Youre no good, your just shitty
Your just so out of date
Gonna find a new program
to be my webcomic mate.

Thats right I'm bangin a website
You heard me quite well.
Ain't afraid of consequences
Ain't no playas in hell.

I'll be ridin on high
In the clouds with the Fathah
He knows what the fucks up
HE GOT LINUX MUTHAFUCKAH!

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