Enter the Commodore.

Enter the Commodore. 09/27/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Actually, Ray genuinely doesn't know what it's like to get lost in Wikipedia.

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Inadvisable

Is that sexxy tho

1/2$

It certainly wasn't in this campy 1970s comedy ...

[IMGS OFF]

Apparently a commodore is when you give birth to Little Nephew

my god fooker, I'LL blow you if it gets you to shut up for five seconds.

The real question is whether you would give him a commodore in exchange for his silence, and if so, how much silence your price would be.

I think the real question here is whether a porygon 2 would be an adept commodore-supplier, or a terrifyingly poor one.

Look at the nose.

ha ha ha cartoons!

Man, if all one has to do to get some head is be annoying, call me carrot top.

Third time you mentioned that.
Bragger.

Okay Fooker I acknowledge you have a more awesome sex life than me.

Please stop now.

braggart

I almost said this, but I did not want to seem pretentious.

Man, thegoblins, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I'm sorry. I'm a goddamn hidalgo.

Enjoy the first lame I have ever given. If anyone said the word "awkhead" to me in real life I would immediately stop talking to them forever.

Hay guyz did i tell u about the time i had sex

no

wutz it liek

Awkward. And he's not allowed within 100 yards of that bus stop any more.

He was gentle.

aw poor virgin putin

The condition is indeed tragic but quite temporary.

Side effects include kissing boys' bellies and creating gritting your jaw.

creating gritting your jaw? shiiiiit son.

You're doing this self-consciously now, I get it. I kind of like it, but I think you need to be a little more subtle in working it into at least one comment on every strip. Maybe even do a slow-release thing where you ask a question in a way that sets you up to break out the airport story after a long thread of serious responses. If you succeed at this, you will become yet another assetbar fixture.

I got a Slow Release from an awkward chick in an airport once. She introduced me to all-consuming shame.

And my axe

And the news from the north.

how do you feel about words that slant-rhyme with clits

I think they are the...best way to rhyme.

LOVE THEM

I prefer assonance.

My girlfriend tried to pull some Assonance on me once. Once.

I'm sure you put her in her place with alacrity!

Domestic violence. It's the only language they understand.

Domestic violence: Australia says NO

If only we did. If only we did.

Only Australians will chubby this, but I am one of them.

I have quite a bit of evidence that we often don't.

You know, I introduced my girlfriend to Achewood and both of us are just SHITTY at giving head.

I think I should be telling this story fooker.

I think you made this up.

Aw, your girl isn't THAT bad. Just needs to relax her jaw more

is little nephew still dead?

No.

Yes.

NO!

(YES!)

So I heard that Englebert Humperdink died today

Dinglebert Wingledank?

(No! No! Go back one!)

Slut Bunwalla?

I wanted to chubby this entire thread, but couldn't. I decided to give the chub to Slut Bunwalla.

It's the name that makes me laugh the hardest due to its sheer lunacy.

Ha! It's not true!

No, it is true.

No, I heard he had a cold. Or was it a tan.

THAT MAN HAD A COLD TAN.

I never want to see Ray in this position again, even in silhouette.

I have a feeling the next strip will disappoint you.

it will not disappoint Ray

I'd better not be the only one who actually googled "commodore sex act".

Well, if you imagine a certain orifice as a tunnel, and Tina as the conductor...
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HONK! HONK! HOOOOOOOOONK! THE NEW YORK CENTRAL IS ON TIME!

You know, if you click on and use the slider at the bottom of the picture really fast, back and forth a couple of times, it looks like Tina's 'knocking but she can't get in. Amiright? Guys?

Nyes.

That's the best manual computer trick that I've been easily convinced into trying since the one Ray showed me with the motorcycle.

For the future folks: The above picture grid used to show a locomotive of the New York Central Line that was nicknamed "The Commodore Vanderbilt". Hence the "Central is on Time" joke. Sorry to have to explain the joke.

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hilarious!

nonsense!

hugs!

SUSPENSE!

Pence?

It so meta for Onstadto be manipulating his audience and Googgle, creating a search for which his strip is the top result, spiking the query list, and creatinga minot ripple in the Web. Wonderful work.

I will go one better, and send all google searches for "complactent memmetts" to this strip. Mwahahahaha...

And here we have a Minot Ripple blanc '72; it's peaking right now and comes highly recommended.

...your flaming hog balls, sir!

Ist Ihre Tochter achtzehn bitte?

Is your heart filled with pain?
Will you come back again?
Shop at Macy's
And love me
Tonight

I still love that movie. Oh man, what if Tina's got the Anal Intruder?

...then Ray better pray they have 120V current at that hotel...

[IMGS OFF]

It would be hilarious to take that to a bar brawl.

Mean Gene Oakerlund?

i wonder what the trend would look like in other countries...

i have answered my own question.

[IMGS OFF]

apparently, the only other curious population was canada.

Is Tina rocking Ray's can? Is that how it is?

it's an act named after a navy rank. So I'd assume so.

I'd hate to be "petty officered".

Seaman! That's not how you scrub the poop deck. On your knees and put your back into it!

I finally looked up the history of the rank of Commodore, and have found some shocking details...

It seems that in the US Navy and Coast Guard, 'Commodore' was nearly interchangeable with 'Rear Admiral' since the 1980s.

More interestingly, the rank insignia contains a visual clue...
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Shocking!

Titillating!

Arbitrating!

Circumventing!

Irritating!

Your avatar is the Worst Thing.

until the next one

the new one is so, so much more worst.

Unlike so many other avataricon-specific comments,
Whiteturtle's comment will more than likely be future-proof.
*chubb*

C-c-c-combo breakers!~

Thank you. So much.

Is that a stoat in boots?

What's a stoat?

As long as we don't have to see the stoat's oat tote, I'm happy.

Is it a stoat or a weasel? Who can tell?
[IMGS OFF]

Cromulating!

Nice marmot!

So now we're supposed to Google "rear admiral sex act"?

There is nothing I don't like about this comment.

Let alone "rear admiraled".

MORE LIKE ADMI-RAILED RITE YOU GUYS?

HEY-O!

Comment/Avatar synergy at it's finest

Da. It does not get more finer.

Ummm . .. . ..
Look at me! I'm Roast Beef, and I'm falling, because I just died, and look! A chalkboard which says sje46 is a woman!

Yeah, I never got your avatar. I gave up trying to understand it after about 5 loops.

Try to look at it from an absurdist point of view.

The problem isn't the concept, the problem is the resolution and speed.

True. I didn't make it though, and I don't even know how to do one of these. If I did, I would make it a little smoother.

man i turn my back for a little bit and what the crap, assetbar philippe...

I'm sorry! You did a good job!

Did I say thanks by the way?
*hug*

it is all good, you. *noogies*

now run along and play.

oh to be so carefree....

Absurdists DON'T HAVE a point of view. That is the point. The point of being an absurdist. The absurd point. "Nitwit Oddment Blubber Tweak"

That's the point!

You win . . . .a hug!

IM A CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAB

just kidding, its actually my feet.

It's like one of those vase/lesbian things.

Sort of a Trojan Vase? But with lesbians instead of soldiers?

Come to think of it, you wouldn't really need the vase...

Or lesbians.

Why don't you go back to restarting the Cold War

In russia, president assasinates YOU!

Nice, I just got this one.

Because, man! Wars are like ice-cream: they're never as good when their re-frozen.

(Is ice cream hyphenated? No, I don't think so.)

No, but it's "they're", not "their".

I new some one were gonna post that. Whats funny is that I was talkin to a freind earlier today about how when Im typing fast I always screw those up, using the possesive they're and contracted there all wrong even through I no the difference I just loose focus.

Its to easy too screw up lol.

I'll be honest, I spit up a little blood after reading this.

Now you have to keep your avatar forever, lest your 43 chubbies don't make sense

The Simpsons has correctly established the "dreaded Rear Admiral" as a painful juvenile act of bullying along the lines of the Wet Willie and the Purple Nurple. It is not yet a sex act.

WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S DREADED

In Soviet Russia, Commodore enters you!
(and here apparently)

I was a petty officer. :(

in the Heartbreaker Navy? (Aquatic counterpart to the KISS Army)

Naw, the US Navy.

It's different.

sagoon, I can't tell if that's you talking, or your snuggly Empire Voice Doughnut

It says that I gave this comment a chubby. In reality, this comment gave me a chubby.

bear penis

rock hard bear penis

pear benis

pear pimples for hairy fishnuts?

Is that from Opus?

Just cough up some dough, Mac!

Yes. Bloom County, specifically.

bear grylls?

Bear Grylls' penis?

bear grylls vs bear penis

WHO WINS

In a survival situation, Bear Grylls would first rip the living member off the bear and devour it for nutriment before quickly butchering the rest of the screaming animal into a bloody, ursine sleeping bag. This is what they teach you in the British Territorial Army.

In a survival situation, Bear Grylls would go back to his hotel room and curl up in a ball on the king-sized bed to order room service oatmeal and watch his stories, but only after making his camera crew scan the room with one of those ultraviolet dirt-detection lights. Les Stroud, on the other hand, could take on a bear penis and win any day. He'd probably eat it raw afterwards.

Les wouldn't even make a face while eating it, either. He'd just say "Well, I've had worse", pack up his 40 pounds of camera gear, and keep walking towards civilization. We'd have to sit there and wonder what else he's eaten that'd be worse than bear penis.

Les Stroud has literally saved me from hypothermia before. Not personally, but thats alright cuz I've always imagined he smelled bad.

Bear Penis?
It's a bare bear penis at that!

Show I want to see: Man vs. the Man from "Man vs. Wild"

As I teach my high schoolers about literary conflict, this will be added to the list--
"Afternoon, kids! Today we're talking plot analysis. First, polarities and conflicts. The basic types, according to your notes, are
- man v. man (other humans)
- man v. nature (environmental antagonist)
- man v. self (internal conflict)
- man v. man from man vs. wild (Tv entities fighting each other)
- AIU v. Assetbar (buggery)

Another high school teacher!

You left out:

- man v. machine (feelings of the self and the progress of technology)

Perhaps that's not that common. I'm actually not a very good teacher.

Isn't that covered under the last one?

Actually, in point of fact, I'm a college student right now; I still have my training wheels.

I thought 20 was a bit young to be a fully-fledged pedagogue. How many years of your undergrad left? I'm guessing you're doing a Teaching undergrad.

I am but a lowly third year. Up to two years left (depending on how long my theatre degree takes) and then on to get at least my masters. Probably my doctorate, because I believe firmly in becoming un-hirable.

Also, man v. The Man (political activism)

Man vs. Astroman?

Megaman vs. Astroman?

Superman vs. Batman!

Jordan Vs. Bird!

Us vs. Them!

over and over again?

Whatever and Ever Amen?

Yeah, that Eugene Levy/Sam Jackson movie totally needs a takedown!

what

That was a pretty good movie, man.

Man v. Superman (GB Shaw masturbating for four acts)

i am stealing this curriculum and wowing my master teacher with it

I thought the Territorial Army only taught buggery and furtive masturbation (likely while thinking about future buggery and/or reflecting positively on past buggery of note). That and interesting accents.

"So... you've dug your foxhole, and you've pitched your tent, right? They've discovered your camp, and you're lying there, and they've caught you with your trousers down, and they've all entered your hole without you knowing."

Don't go rakin' over old graves.

[IMGS OFF]

Is... is that Safari you're browsing in?

Eww.

Oh lord no, that site for some reason apparently wants to look like the design was written by Jeff Goldblum.

I apologize for the quality of this image, but this snapshot was taken with a "Goldblum Special"...

[IMGS OFF]

awww fuckshitcockpiss!

I cannot, however, blame Goldblum or AIDS for my poor typing skills.
*basically*

When I first read your post, I thought you had written "fuckshitopolis".

That was Fritz Lang's lesser known sequel.

What did Shitopolis ever do for us, anyway?

[IMGS OFF]

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Heh. The clothed search result is sixty-nine OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND!

I think you mean "about six hundred and ninety-nine thousand".

Yes, this is the proper way to express this amount.

Wh..why would there be so many results for bear penis!?

With all of the furry discussion in the past few days, I would have never expected this question.

<a href="http://www.whichisgayer.com/compare.html?w1=bear grylls&w2=bear penis">Lord knows.</a>

[url=http://www.whichisgayer.com/compare.html?w1=bear grylls&w2=bear penis]BBcode fail[/url].

FUCK

Oh... spaces. Dammit, I knew my syntax was right! Fuck you, BBcode.

I'll give you a hint: look up "bear" in urbandictionary.

Bear rape? don'tworryit'sfromtheonion.

I have just added the phrase "full quart of putrid bear semen" to my catalog of terminal grade insults.

I just added it to my shopping list

Oh my... So you have tried Budweiser?

HUGE slam on Budweiser from out of nowhere.

Not really man, have you tried Budweiser?

I think the more interesting question is "have you tried putrid bear semen?"

(Raises hand in shame, then gladly swigs a long draw of Bud)

Oh, no question, it's shitty beer. In fact, I originally typed "huge slam on shitty beer" but changed my mind.

bear with my penis.

bare penis

Barely a penis.

Soupy Sales? How could a 17-year-old know about him?

Do you just go out of your way to remind everyone about how you are the grandfather of assetbar?

Also, I do not mean this question to be taken insultingly, as it is in jest. It seems as though you have been posting a lot of comments that remind people of your age recently.

Don't piss him off, tipist--pogo might come down off the porch, box your ears, and give you a lickin' with his cane!

All ranting about how in his day, five cents would buy you two loaves of bread, a model T and a free tour in Austria-Hungary.

If the tour is free, it wouldn't have anything to do with the five cents though.

Well, it's like if you pay a certain amount for 8 batteries, and they give you two free, but they are still in the package.
Also, a "tour" is referencing a year of duty in WWI. But stupid me, that's not how they did things back then.
So maybe you would just get drafted anyway?

Back then I think it was called Prussia.

That's worse than getting DFW and Burt mixed up.

Nah, in Pogo's day it was Pangaea.

No. What? That's way too old.
Do you think he's millions of years old?

Do you think that it is bad to think that Pogo is millions of years old? Or do you agree that it is okay?

It is bad because the world is only like, twenty thousand years old. I know this because the Bible told me this. And I know the Bible is true because God wrote it.
Wait. A million is more than a thousand, right?

The earth was created in 4004 B.C. for various reasons, so it is now 6011 to 6040 years old (year zero is really buggered up).

So the maximum age for Pogo is 6040 years old!

Pogo! What is God like? Is he a bit of a douche, as that is what I have always suspected.

He has become less heavy-handed since he had a son, but don't mess with him unless you want to have fire and brimstone on your ass.

I'm more of a fan for his hippie son.

WILSON!

Quote:

It seems as though you have been posting a lot of comments that remind people of your age recently.

Maybe I'm finally acting my age.

You'd better forget what the internet is and how to use it, then.

couple that with a morbid fear of it, and anything else you can use 'fangled' to describe.

Don't ask him, ask Diablo Cody.

Achewood is making your latent homosexuality come out.

That is a nice picture of a pickup truck in your avatar.

It is a girthy automobile of significant size.

Too bad the same thing couldn't be said of YOUR AVATAR!

I don't know that latent sexuality can come out. Once homosexuality comes out, it becomes blatant.

Unless you're a blatant latent.

This was a typical Saturday at my house

do you mean ruthlessly F5'ing achewood for the saturday night update because if so i wholeheartedly agree

This is where we note that, since T has been on the phone, we have only seen him from the waist up.

Notice what he's doing with his other hand in panel 6.

Ummm . . . it looks to me like he's reaching for the mouse, but perhaps that is just a failure of imagination on my part.

Or a success of imagination, depending on your point of view.

Is it like, if you look one way, it's an eskimo, and you look the other way, it's a three pronged fork?

Yeah, your part ain't got no imagination.

I imagine that he's rubbing his nipple.

Frantically. Teodor cannot do such things in a relaxed or comfortable fashion. It causes him too much shame.

I imagine T as a dude who hates himself every time he ejaculates. Discuss.

Well, the Old Cement Bridge strip might confirm that hypothesis. He has issues with sex, at the very least (besides not getting any).

[hedonismbot]My only concern about ejaculation: "I hope she's wearing goggles."[/hedonismbot]

Not getting any sex will often cause one to develop issues regarding it. Besides, isn't hating yourself every time you ejaculate a normal thing?

Don't bother with the goggles. They do nothing

....a subtle Simpsons reference?

(or not so subtle, depending on which friend circles you mix in and what Simpsons quotes they frequent)

Also, I have not come across Louis CK before, and after viewing that video, I officially deem him to be humourous for all below my brow.

I really like his thing about children.

He's suddenly releasing the mouse, apologetically, after Ray catches him getting all spaced out on Wikipedia.

don't turn this into something it's not.

aw yea hes totally playing with his invisable penis

Due to your misspelling, that can quickly read as "Inadvisable Penis".

Not that I'm asking for a high degree of spelling from eternally bouncing boobies.

He's showing you bouncing breasts and talking about an invisible penis. Somehow, inadvisably, you see the penis.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, Rear Admiral.

You know how it is with Wikipedia.

"Cool! Which one?"

How many people have been hosed in "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" by their friends because of the way Wikipedia is.

Someguy: "Hey buddy you happen to know the name of the furthest planet from the sun? IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU DO!"

Failing Friend: *Huh! There's a J-Pop group called The Pluto Condition with a hit single "The IAU Fucks the Stars". Who knew!*

*dial toooooooooone*

Ray can honestly say that he never thought it'd be like this.

He should have chosen the window.

Am I the only one that's disappointed by the lack of detail?

Yes, deer!

That's a good sitcom.

I looked friggin all over the internet for a picture of a deer in some sort of human clothing and could not find anything to post as a response to this comment, but was unable to find anything.

For humanity, someone please photoshop this sitcom.

[IMGS OFF]
Like this?

that is exactly the right idea, though I would have preferred it over mike o'malley's face.

Let's look at the scores before we head to the twenty tons of terror that make up the aggro crag. Take us to the leader board, Mo!

hey MO!

You've just recalled four repressed years of couch wallowing that featured far too much AAAAAAGGGROOO CRAAAAAAGG!

You bastard

I was going to do O'Malley, but he is my school's most famous alumni, and he deserves Reserve (no! Don't look it up and stalk me!)
And Christine was looking more heads-on.

Twenty tons of terror? That's some heavy Styrofoam.

According to Firefox's spell check, Styrofoam is supposed to begin with a capital letter. Who knew? Also, spell check is apparently two words.

Yep! Styrofoam is a brand name for an expanded polyethylene. Like Kleenex, it has gained a common noun status through usage. In time, the 'S' will officially become an 's'.

Where I come from, we call it polystyrene. Pretty sophisticated huh?

Polly Styrene was really the core of the X-Ray Spex. She made the whole thing work.

My bad. Displaying such stupidity is my punishment for attempting to comment when I'm way too short of sleep.

Oh fie on this sophistication of mine; it just alienates the little people.

I'm bad at photoshop.

Some things are best left to the imagination.

Where is lawbot when you need him?

NO

NO

NO

NO!!!

these activities are poorly conveyed
...perhaps for the best

I just really like it when Ray yells at people. Such sauce. such sass, such passion.

Commodore Justice's talent was JUSTICE

Commodore Sex Act's talent was doing things to a thumpin' heinie.

Commodore Eagle Vision's talent was seeing eagles in a room where there were no eagles. It wasn't a talent so much as a crippling mental disorder but I never had the heart to tell him.

Commodore Night Vision's talent was the ability to see in the dark, but the catch was that he couldn't use it when he wasn't wearing night vision goggles.

It's been so long since my last hastily MS Painted buggery.

[IMGS OFF]

Copy paste art is fun sometimes.

are those.. are those two-tone patent leather clogs?

Incidentally, "Commodore Justice" would aslo be a pretty fine band name.

Better than "Commodore Sex Act", though? Because when viewed in a newer context than the one we've been using that becomes a damn good band name. I think I could get used to being known as Commodore Sex Act.

The Commodore Sex Act.

Didn't Congress recently vote down the historic Commodore Sex Act?

Yes, but it's okay because the capital markets responded with an even weirder move called the Reverse Bernanke. Except they didn't even have the decency to wear a disguise and go to a hotel.

Oh man that is mega nasty.

That is dog shit.

Except it's cat shit.

Thank you, wise Roast Beef, for pointing out the error of his claim.

Sigh.

Begging your forgiveness. I'm constitutionally incapable of remembering every line of past Achewood strips.

Oh no! Did talix18 finally get senility?

Dammit. Is this another strip reference I must respond correctly to or be mocked? (In case it's not, I've been noticing holes in the old memory for several years now. Sad.)

Here is a little something I have found increasingly useful, as I blunder into my twilight years.

No one was mocking. There's a lotta love in this assetbar. A lotta love.

LOVE
LOVE IT

Excellent. It's true that way down inside, I need...

Now THAT shows your age young lady. Quoting baroque musicians...

"Gonna give ya every inch o my love..."

"Gonna give ya every inch o my candy-striped love..."

Fixed that for ya.

I had candy-striped love once. Got a salve. Cleared it right up.

Try what I did. Only 10K up front.

Kamet, I think you're rad, but I'd like to propose a one-week moratorium on this particular quote.

I blame myself, really.

Na, it's coo.

The first time is always extremely uncomfortable.

I used to work in a hotel. This is exactly the sort of thing that people get up to. Things that people wouldn't normally do in the family home.

yeah, what is it about hotels that makes people get kinky with each other?

It's like they always say. "The Demilitarized Zone is the Ultimate Battleground."

It is all the hookers living there.

What is it about hotels?

...the ability to unload on cheap comforters and crappy artwork.

I appreciate that you are going out of your way to unload on the artwork.

Are you going to Mack Plaque?

Haha, no. I didn't go to Mack Plaque, even when I was in high school.

My school spirit level was at about a 2, when to attend the Mack Plaque festivities, you should probably have at least a 5 or 6.

Oh. Well I don't have much spirit either; I was just planning on going to see all my friends from high school.

I'm still upset about that Beaver Lake thing.

Agreed. For reasons I cannot fathom my girlfriend tends to enjoy having sex in hotels. This is compared to generally not wanting to sex anywhere else. Truly they must have strong, strange powers.

You Haven't Seen These Most Sexually Explicit
[url="http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D09272008"]Enter the Commodore[/url]
[url="http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D07122007"]The Ugly Thoughts[/url]
[url="http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D06092004"]Success![/url]

DESTROY ME.

KGgz-

Getting a commodore from BBCode only earns empathetic chubbies these days. People have come to realise who is whose bitch around here.

what you say!

Say... little girl...

Is terrible avatar/comment synergy and I see another agrees.

So Wikipedia has an article on poorly produced japanese action cartoons?

Man, that's pretty much what Wikipedia was invented for.

I kind of want to go and write this one on Wikipedia right now? But the Wikipedia Servitors would be waiting in ambush for just such a shenanigan.

All eating astronaut paste through tubes in their throats so as to better administrate Wikipedia.

It is my new purpose in life to produce this cartoon solely so a real wikipedia page about it can exist.

But first, let us fix this.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Achewood

Let crappy sites have their crappy ideas.

It is a little funny.
Quote:

People viewing the mimeographs have noted a curious level of continuity between images, and it has been speculated that the images in fact represent the khomijkl cypress' attempts at communicating with society. The ideograms are unfortunately indecipherable, however, coming across more as the work of some embittered lunatic than any rational being.

But yeah. Not a big fan of that site.

face it. there are people who get achewood, and people who don't. its only natural for them to feel bitter at us for being so clearly superior

I know that all the sex-havin' distracts from it, but I dig how "poorly-produced" is actually a link (or part of one) in panel 3.

Poorly-produced Japanese action cartoon series.

In the series, the Guild of Purpose-Driven Commodores was opposed by the evil League of Apathetic Colonels.

That would have made for some really one-sided fight scenes

What is with all this apathetic bashing?

People keep discriminating against us apathets. And I sorta don't like it. I mean, I kinda wish you would stop, but whatever.

Is that an opinion?

And you call yourself an apath.

We can have weak opinions.
But whatever. So I'm not apathetic.
*shrugs*

So is it pegging or isn't it

Because if it isn't, then it's a waste of everyone's time

Nina! He says this!

After closer inspection it could definitely be some sort of sack-play. We do know that it requires some lotioning up, but that Ray seems to be opposed to the idea of pegging. That is not, mind you, solid proof that he's completely opposed to anal play, but it does cast some doubt on it. Unless he has had a sudden change of opinion upon being placed in a situation where it was unavoidable.

I read it as Ray having been opposed to pegging on a public and conscious level, but secretly relishing the idea, and now that he is in a hotel and in disguise he is allowing himself to enjoy it

You two are reading WAY too much into the sex life of a cartoon cat.

belgand only gets sex when he's in hotels and achilleseblow gets less play than a dead Mother Theresa. Let them have their fun.

A dead Mother Theresa probably has slightly more chance of getting play than a live one.

I can attest to that

Why are you so perverted?

Why?

Why does a bear crap in the woods? Because it is his nature. Also because I slipped him a fistful of laxatives.

Not hedonis...tic.

Just weird.

Yeah, I'm not proud of that one. It kinda got away from me when I used that illustration. I'll cut this one out of the compilation volume

There's nothing more hedonistic than to sit in a pickup truck quaffing Kristal while nearby a bear is having explosive diarrhoea. It's the contrast that heightens the whole deal.

Like shoving your junk into a big pile of shaved ice just as you're about to achieve full release?

like attempting and failing to use chinese finger traps made from stinging nettle as condoms?

No. That is merely lunacy. That is the idea of a Winter Son.

The Commodore involves a Phone_sex_(chanteuse) getting lost between Prince_(heinie) and Funky_(something) with a Washcloth_(warm). Then after a while one learns why there are So_Many_(hotels). This is a typical Wikipedia experience.

But is it pegging?

Oh my God! The PERFECT thing to do to a guy in a hotel, EVER!

SPLUT

Man this new avatar goes with everything

No, that one's just anal. Don't make him post it again.

Burt Reynolds
The Original Commodore Sex Act
RIP

He's not dead.

Wikipedia, IMDb and Reynold's homepage say nothing of his death.

Nor do three different papers.

He lives on in our hearts.

Oh damn. I meant David Foster Wallace.

Those two people are nothing alike!

Not true: they bothfucked Loni Anderson.

But did she give them the commodore?

Lonis Edison?

Fineoakstructure, I'm gonna go ahead and make believe that you just invented a game called Name Those Nuts! so that I can pretend to be the first contestant and so that I can fictitiously guess that they are none other than TAPIR NUTS!!

Do I win?

Ooh, I'm sorry...that would be one of the results on Google Image search for "bear penis"...bear penis. But you do win a copy of the home game and a chance to come for Champion's Week.

Penis isn't nuts. You two are obviously playing different games. Very different games.

"that's a lot like chuck norris... wait, i meant stephen hawking"

David Foster Wallace hung himself in my town. Claremont... it's that sort of place. It pushed the endless recriminations over parking spaces off the "local" section of Google news for over a week.

It took his demise to get my attention, and I'm enjoying his writing post-humously.

But would you also say you're enjoying it post-humorously?

Please don't be offended if I tell you I laughed really hard at that.

What is she doing, eating his ass?

She's making a series of small origami animals.

...one handed.

I dont get it

...unlike the basketball team.

Oo, ouch.

I don't get it :(

Your girlfriend got it though.

She got it all night long.

Ex-girlfriend dude. Ex-girlfriend.

well, in that case, your mother got it

ex-mother dude. ex-mother.

I'm so sorry!
I guess it was just not working out?

Well, she was certainly getting quite a workout!

Panel 12 is a Rorschach. Please enter your observations below and Gladi8 will evaluate them:

Maybe she is applying a soothing hot compress to his "thumpin'" hemorrhoids.

a smalls man palyin pingpong wit and biggah man who jus missed da ball? so nah ees dubbed ove cryin. muscular, ands coveh is fac

Gladi8 shows here that although he is Assetbars Invincible Protector and Rogue, he too fears...

FAILURE AT PING PONG!

I mean it looks like a man fucking a lion or something. Maybe that's just the Turk in me.

Well, that's one thing she didn't say.

Man if I had a dollar for every time I received a commodore...

You would owe about six hundo.

I think Ray just got pegged in a room.

good call.

I'd better not be the only one who actually googled "passerine" (of, belonging, or pertaining to the order Passeriformes, which includes more than half of all bird species; sometimes known as perching birds or, less accurately, as songbirds).

REALLY, PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT! Dear God...

Be not afraid, I did too. Now I'm still trying to figure out how that adjective applies to Tina...

Don't worry. It's just T's way to vocabulary a situation. That and it's his imagining the way that oil sheiks talk, all strange and flowery like oddly mistranslated Arabic poetry.

That makes me wonder if the Empire Voice Donut will only change pronunciations or if it will replace whole words with location specific vocabulary. I mean a British accent is not going to fool anyone if you're still speaking American English.

I feel like the definition of a commodore is within everyone. It is up to everyone to determine what their own "commodore" is. Perhaps that is why the act is left intentionally ambiguous. (Also, remember the first rule of Achewood: "If I have to show two animals going at it, it isn't going to give ANYBODY something to get off to." )

That being said Ray probably isn't being pegged, any more than he's having cheap box wine poured along his pecker. The smart money says he's having birthday cake mashed into his bottom.

If the definition of commodore is within Ray,
it appears Tina is going in to get it.

I vote for prostate massage, which is supposed to create a huge amount of ejaculate.

It's supposed to, if it goes right.

Does that necessarily mean that it feels better? I personally can't visualise having my spunk-sack squeezed like a Whoopie cushion being that pleasurable.

Gently massaged, since there's no way to get two fingers up there for a squeeze, at least, I wouldn't want that in my colon.

Someone hasn't seen Goatse enough times.

(Disclaimer: This is not actually true of anyone.)

Man, I have NEVER looked at that goat thang.

"Milking the Prostate" = Two or three fingers up and in, gentle squeeze, huge climax. Some men find it painful, others extreemly pleasurable. My bet: this is what Ray found it.

I wish it was just a goat.

this commodore business dovetailed with the fingernail-in-the-navel arc have just about hemorrhaged my nasty meter.

KLOODGE.

yep. There it went.

Your nasty meter's on a fairly hair trigger, eh? I recommend topical benzocaine.

your nasty meter killed Little Nephew.

I am an encyclopedia of onomonopoea

Man, Ray! You can't do that in Alabama!

[IMGS OFF]

My goodness! That woman has four f-holes!

Five, even.

Five is odd, not even.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

What kind of number is double zero anyway?

a potential number?

...not if you listen to my wife...

Yea, I hear ya - I mean, you can get pregnant that way.

Well played, son

I get it, but part of me wishes I didn't.

...So is Teodor just going to listen to Ray and Tina's love noises the entire time?

Google Trends results for "Commodore Sex Act"
Godfather Font compliments of me.

[IMGS OFF]

before I remembered that Assetbar cuts off the right edge of large images, I was very confused as to what the joke here was.

Yes. I considered writing a disclaimer, but counted on the masses to figure it out.

It just occurred to me that when the NPR interview with Onstad airs, millions of baby boomers will go to his web-site for the first time and they will see this strip and they will move on to other web sites because their sensibilities will be offended by the gross concept of an encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

Date and time. I need date and time.

Oh hey, sorry. It airs tomorrow morning (Monday September 29) at 6:51 AM on Morning Edition. Check your local listings.

6:51?!?!?!?

Can, umm, someone record it, put it on Youtube or something?

It will be on NPR.org at around 9 AM EDT.

I heard it there and it was GOOD.

I initially chubbied your comment for the idea of Baby Boomers being offended by an encyclopedia you can edit, because I feel that they are truly offended by such a thing.

Then I realized there is a cartoon cat getting anal play also in this comic alongside the wiki reference.

Then I understood your intended joke and wished that I could chubby it again for the proper reasons.

It was a GREAT interview. I felt I got to know Onstad personally, and it was really fun to hear him do the voices for Ray and Beef.

Interesting sound bite: "I dont wanna give up doing a daily strip just yet".

Thus he's giving it up in small steps. First a decrease from five strips a week to four. Then skipping days in order to produce bigger strips with smaller frequency. By the end of the year Achewood will become a mammoth, Sundays-only strip. Then next year, Achewood Quarterly.

Say it ain't so!

:'(

We all lived, somehow, before Achewood, and if it stops posting, we will, somehow, live on. *sigh*

Those were incorrect lives.

It's funny but I hate hearing people do character's voices. Whenever I would read Calvin and Hobbes, they would have my voice (or my brain-voice..?) and belong more to me in that way. It's like what they said in the interview, how more is left up to the reader. While Onstad may want us to hear his idea of Ray and Beef's voices, I still hear the voiceless voices in my mind ( <--new Cure song) and I like it that way.

[-o-] <--TIE fighter

<>O<> <---bow tie

^
|
Something that will get tired very quickly.

---
/ \ <--- A half boner or "The Chubs."

Well, just never mind.

ROCK HARD KAT KOCK!
|
|
V
[IMGS OFF]

^ A party pooper

i just realized i read every character in my mind except beef, whom i give no voice.

This is pretty interesting. Is it a normal thing to read stuff in a 'voice'? I don't feel like I do that when I read. The only time that happens is when I'm reading something and unable to focus, so I start 'saying' the words in my mind, which doesn't help, and I just end up going over the same paragraph over and over. But when I'm actually reading and absorbing stuff easily, I don't think there's any voice at all.

Yeah, I see words in my mind when I read them, I don't give them some voice.

I don't hear a voice when I read. That's why I hated the Garfield cartoons (there are many reasons to hate Garfield, but this was one). I didn't need the guy speaking in a Murrayesque monotone, I knew Garfield spoke like that, and I preferred my mind's reading of the words over the voice that the character was given.

Agree. However, I would watch the show/movie/whatever if there is one.

There is a series and I think two movies.

Also the off-Broadway musical.

And lastly, the Lasagna Time comedy troupe draws inspiration from the comic. It has been banned all but 5 states.

IN. ALL. BUT.

Apparently, 'IN' is one of the states in which it is banned...

Surprisingly, no.

...smart ass...

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