I just can't get behind this stereotype. Alabama? Maybe. Texas? No.

That's east Texas you fucking jackass! You never been to Austin. Just... don't talk about Austin. You don't know.

OK, OK. I get it. This is some kind of joke persona that you're putting on. You really had me going there for a minute. I noticed some of your other posts and I was, like, "Wow, this pathetic little fucker is just striding in here spouting off completely asinine shit all over the place. He must be wearing his big boy pants!" But this comment kind of blows the facade. Nobody would say that.

Anyway, I support what you're doing. I don't think we can ever have enough art posters around here. Keep it somewhat realistic, though. Comments like this are funny, but they kind of ruin my suspension of disbelief.

I chubbied you before I read your last sentence. This was a mistake.

I certainly hope not, as that would mean Californian assholes would move to Oregon to escape persecution, and we have plenty of those already.


(disclaimer: I was born in California.)

They have something similar in England. They're called ASBOs: Anti-Social Behaviour Orders (or "Behavior" for us Americans).

Except that it would be more like you are banned from speaking to any of your neighbours, or being in their neighbourhood, or driving a car fast.

Lyle looks like a dude with long fingernails who works at the Notary Public and enjoys riding an old Honda Red Wing to the Chess club on Saturdays.

And who has a liver like a brillo pad.

(He has long fingernails because he plays classical guitar.)

Soon: What The R. Stands For.

(I'm hoping for "Ronald" myself. I don't know why.)

Also on his Topps card thanks to Teodor

aw good call. chubs.

As a law student, this strip makes me giggle. We need an Asshole Registration regime.

man this could get really complicated. i could see it turning into a situation like A Brave New World, all preventative measures taken against assholes, drugs and severe law enforcemenet at any sign of assholery.

achewood goes dystopian

As a fellow law student, I must agree.

It's called passing the bar.

Shit, I'd pay up to six hundo for the right to call myself a card-carrying asshole. We need a Union.

Law school costs considerably more than six hundo.

I hope we get to meet that kid.

It lasts a year, but Lyle will probably petition for a free upgrade to Asshole Platinum status long before then.

How many offenses are required to become a Registered Asshole?

... fancy meeting you here! :o

Ahaha, I always see you around but I've never registered here! Achewood brings people together, obviously.

they probably shant be inviting him in for casserole, no.

i'm betting lyle's proud he's got official proof that he's an asshole.

other people's dicks, or just lyle's over and over?

when you are a dick, you get zapped in the dick.

By your rationale, Lyle will be constantly zapped in the asshole.

All they need is a detailed classification system for assholes. Such as the Loud Asshole!

We're here to listen . . . and help.

Sorry; I hadn't had my morning coffee yet.

Are those your boobs?

no.

Shut up, both of you! I've never wanted to be a Registered Asshole less in my life!

Who would actually take a picture of their own boobs to use as an avatar/icon...

They're called "camwhores." Their numbers have dwindled in recent years, but you are sure to find plenty on yahoo and Livejournal, if you'd like to do some field study.

Any time AHA reaches the "Nickname" line in a form, she writes "see attached".

My girl gets pissed when I get a house upgrade before her in Animal Crossing. I suppose, however, in a perfect world every person would know this anger!
Additionally I pray for the day when Animal Crossing gets an Achewood facelift. Can you imagine?

Use of the word "harrowing" in context = 1 chubby.

I am a girl who likes GoldenEye. I disagree with these assessments of girlkind.

I concur.

then would you both please get into this van.

that would be so rad.

You must kill at bat mitzvahs.

Oh shit, I've known that last asshole!
Well, not that exact asshole, obviously. But the same sort of...issues.

We should start a support group or something.

I am TOTALLY gonna knock on people's doors, then look angrily at them and say that I'm an asshole before even saying anything else. Thanks, Lyle!

they just keep getting better....

That's a pretty terrible photo, Lyle. I'm surprised they let him wear the hat.

Also he is required to attend AA (which does not involve alcoholics) for six months

What the fuck is a larry?

It highly amuses me that you get angry with the driver for not knowing an obscure slang apparently used by two people.

Also called a "Louie".

Maybe I'm wrong, but I have to believe that this is the first Achewood strip in which Lyle is the only "main" character present the entire way through.

That's cool how fast you found that.

i have had whoper. mcd's pretty good also.

My secret is that I use this website but shh don't tell anybody.

Not to mention the Oasis arc.

Hah! Excellent.

lyle looks almost remorseful in front of the judge. maybe he went to court sober?

Sober as a Turk.

Shit, seems more like a reward than a punishment

Ha. They cut off his chin in the photo just so to fit in his hat. Maybe Lyle has a bald spot. Actual.

Is there an Asshole Knowledge Test for this license?

I was unable to lame your comment, caduceo, but I would if I could. However, my desire to dispense lame, while great, is not so great that I would compensate by giving chubby to gothfae.

Peace should be waged immediately.

'Your parents around?' has an ominous tone to it; what do you think Lyle is going to do if Mom and Dad are out?

Come back later. He is legally required to notify a person of majority.

His parents are around, and they'll have some pretty serious questions.

Standing in a courtroom with those glasses, saying that he just didn't mean to flip a bitch... it all just fits.

zipcode

The tiger is required by law to inform his neighbors that he is unpleasant.

Not neccesarily. Being an asshole and being unpleasant are generally two seperate things (though not mutually exclusive)

You find assholes pleasant?

When I am younger, sure, ok, but not so much now. Maybe I change, maybe they change. Who knows?

This will be a product on the store inside three weeks.

judge has a bob saget haircut

The judge's sideburns give him two sets of ears... weird.

Sometimes a sideburn is just a sideburn.

How did Lyle get a car? Why would he wear his Misfits shirt to his hearing?

He's an asshole. Duh.

That can answer whichever question you like, and feel like creating a syntax for.

"...all punked up on Jupiter oil" made this strip for me. Plus the way Lyle is glaring at the kid in the last panel is perfectly in line with being a card-carrying asshole.

Indeed, like the Drunken Master, Lyle rolls "fifty deep". That song's gotta be one of the anthems for Drinkin' Island. Or maybe Lemme just plays the tab for it now and then.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the Big Lebowski reference.

Nobody fucks with the Lyle.

What Big Lebowski reference. In some parts of the country, registered sex offenders really *do* have to go door to door and tell their neighbors they are sex offenders.

Why isn't Pat being forced to register? Maybe he's already registered and hasn't renewed or something.

Grandfather clause. Pat's been an asshole for so long that he's legally allowed to get away with it.

Pat's not an asshole. He's a dick. There's a difference.

Not according to Ray:
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuaLHfdG6

I don't know, maybe we're talking about the difference between being an asshole and being an Asshole. Is an asshole just a guy who is mean, and an Asshole someone who has commited to the lifestyle? On first glance, Pat may seem to be an Asshole, but maybe this nature is so ingrained, it comes so naturally to him, that, while he is a huuuuge asshole, he is not an Asshole. Meanwhile, while Lyle seems to have certain, albeit rare, times when he exhibits almost nice traits, he has most certainly commited himself to being an Asshole.

Then again, I've been drinking.

I call mistrial. It's clear that this wasn't a fair trial. The judge had made his mind up before Lyle got to state his case. How else did the judge already have a card all made up.

Man I hope that's a recurring judge.

it doesn't even necessarily imply that the female in question is human.

Makes me sick to think of all the time and money I wasted on human females.

It also served the purpose of showing how fancy his syntax is...everyone else just says "what was the matter."

this has to be one of the best lyle strips ever. he looks so much better with the glasses.

Instant. Classic.

Shit, Lyle, Shit... You gone and made it official. I once lived with Lyle for six months, only he was a 43-year-old Texan.

His Honor a very judgely haircut and eyeglasses chain.

I'm glad that his moustache evolved from a swatch of black to a stylish set of handlebars. In Achewood's early days I thought it was his mouth, set at an angry angle and perpetually agape.

"Broken hearts are for assholes...so what you going to do? Cause you're an asshole! You're an asshole!"

z - zappa?

That's right!

Yes it is.

DAMN IM GOOD JUST LOOK AT THESE MUSICAL MUSCLES THEY ARE HUGE

Lyle: Unsung friggin' hero. You can't apply for that car. You gotta be extraordinary.

am i the only one imaging this taking place on one of those terrible two-in-the-afternoon judge shows on basic televison?

I hope one day Im' bad enough to get one of those.

Hello, is your mother or father home?

Good evening sir. My name is biff, and I am making my court-ordered visit to inform you that I am a Registered Loud Asshole.

re: the new current kid status -- GOD I want to yell that at someone for no good reason. Would that make me an Asshole?

It depends on which Morpheus we're talking about. If we're hella yellin' about the god of sleep, I think it'd be cool--like issuing a challenge to God, only it's a god that hasn't drawn serious worship in thousands of years. If'n it's to the Sandman or the sassy black man from the Matrix movies, I think we have momre of a case of assholism (in the case of the Sandman, well-read assholism).

Morpheus is actually the god of dreams. Hypnos is the god of sleep. How's that for assholism?!?

could lyle gabriel be related to peter gabriel?[IMGS OFF]

I'm very glad Lyle kept his glasses.

Be honest. Who amongst you would have to register for this one?

I would, and I think I'd be relieved to. Take all the pre-text out of the whole thing. I'd wear the ID like a name tag.

There are so many things to love about this strip.

I'm hoping to be able to work the line, "I don't know how any of that information can be considered actual" into conversation in the future.

Reading this strip again it actually made me laugh pretty hard. The combination of the judge's and lyle's verbal mannerisms is...it is right.

Since when does he wear glasses? And what is jupiter oil??

It's in a previous strip i cant be bothered finding, Lyle got prescription glasses.

Liquid ketamine.

I never would have guessed. Thanks.

I like Lyle more now with glasses.

Lyle won't do coke, but he will do ketamine?

Im a registered douchebag.....we are the ones registered asshole make fun of at their support meetings...