Has there been a first post that hasn't been lamed into Hades?

Yep. Several. It's just when it knows it's first is when it gets lamed. For instance, it was once upon a time very high marks to have the first post be the alt text, back before the days when the alt text appeared on Acheworld. Look back to 03-04 for what are, in my opinion, the very best first posts.

Should be noted that those strips were long before assetbar, so most the comments there are from diehard commenting on several year-old strips, as opposed to...well, what ever you'd call what we have here.

Them ain't diehards commenting on all the pre-Assetbar strips, they's dogg's leaving their marks, and it's a dogg-fight just like in the present, only in slow motion. (You ladies can be doggs too for this example.)

How long before his posts become the random keyboard smashings of a frustrated ape?

achilleselbow presumably doesn't realize tekende is quoting an alt-text

tekende doesn't realize that achilleselbow has a vague recollection of the alt-text but was mainly continuing the meta-narrative, which is still being continued.

How will this exciting story end?

This is the excellent end to the eggshelling metas. Eventually, Ray gets bored as tekende and achilleselbow get continually more meta. Then he starts a business.

earendil sums up the meta-text up to that point, presuming that is enough to stop people from posting meta-text. earendil is sadly mistaken.

Depending on the tuning of the Achewood Assetbar machine, it might be a brilliant use of some strip with Beef's text replaced with something to tie it all together. More likely though, it will end with someone pledging their undying love for clits.

Stroking the love button to manuever the lust browser is meta-fun, and should be a business by Ray.

what have we become

Oh Jesus save us

This is not an invitation for someone to register an account under the name "jesus"

NO.

Ah, leave it.

one down, one to go, another town & one more show

You'd be late for your own crucifixion.

Jesus was always crazy.
Instead of getting rid of the truck like he was supposed to, he got stoned, went to his girlfriend's, and when he woke up, the cops had found the truck. It was all over the television. They even said they'd come up with prints from the wheel. It was only a matter of time before they got to Jesus.

Chubbied for the use of a Puerto Rican/Mexican/Black/Accurate depiction of Gee-Whizz.

I doubt the dreds are particularly historically accurate. Still preferable to blue eyes and blonde hair and white skin, though.

Lo! If there were more chubbies, they would be yours!

V Chub converted to real chub.

God, Matisyahu. If he wan't Jewish you know what he'd be? Snow.

My favorite thing about Snow was his albums name: 12 inches of Snow. Well, besides "Informer," I liked that too. Leave me alone I was 12.

hahaha. Yeah, I, uh...I mean, really, can we be honest here for a minute? "Informer," though it made no sense and was pretty cheesy, is actually a pretty catchy and kind of enjoyable song.

I dislike aggreeing with you here tekende. I had to make that clear. I really dislike my enjoyment of that song. That says something about me.

is that Brad Neely's murder horse as your avatar?

no offence nickgranger, it actually wasn't a particularly awful first post. I'm just..i'm just working through some issues right now..

I thought it was a bit sucky, personally. Could bode better if it were down the page, but not up there.

Gotta bring yo fuckin' A-game when you post first.

Lots of failed first posts lately. Lots of em.

I know.
I'm sorry.
I just got so excited.

Apology accepted. Now what was the darn strip about?

it was a bit sucky, just not y'know, full blown sucky. so to speak.

Yeah exactly Mr. Teal didn't kill him at all; he was just setting Cornelius up, see.

I'm of the opinion that it wasn't Mr. Teal at all; it was, in fact, the elusive boffin. This entire time he had us thinking he was sleeping on a mattress filled with chopped cork, when he was in fact plotting the eventual arrest of one Cornelius Bear.

I too think Mr Teal is on the floppy, but I think it may have been a desperate bid for freedom.

Does that make Cornelius Case or Molly?

The more important question is, is Neuromancer the publican or the boffin?

Case, definitely. We have to wait for further information before making a statement regarding Neuromancer.

By the by, Molly is, quite obviously, Molly. Just you wait.

This makes sense, because Beef is really the only one i can envision as Case.

Actually i'm pretty sure the Boffin is Neuromancer.

The Boffin will only work with you if you're good enough to find him. Clearly he's Dixie Flatline.

Damn! Right on.

So, that makes the police officer Wage, right?

Who is Lupus Yonderboy in this little scenario

it's never Lupus.

i wanna know who maelcum is, that dude was awesome.

cornelius is definitely playing more of a turner part in this deal. commando outfit and everything.

Desperate bid? More like convoluted plot. Think about it, where did they say they were uploading the disk? Teal could cause a lot of trouble from the FBI computer.

Particularly if he got onto that 'virtual' computer they keep the kiddie porn on. J Edgar Hoover did NOT prepare for that scenario.

Maybe Mr. Teal planned the whole thing, evacuating himself onto a floppy, knowing that Cornelius would destroy the computer, and therefore the publican, once he found he had been betrayed?

. . shit, I'm kinda baked. Did that make sense?

It's obvious that Mr. Teal had told the police that this "Nolan" character was going to be at a certain place at a certain time. He uploaded himself onto the diskette knowing that the police would take it. I'd even go so far as to think that Teal knew that the police would get him to the FBI's computer.

Mr. Teal is a dark, dark, character. I fear the worst for cornelius.

Or Mr. Teal suicided.

yes, Cornelius's slight against honey was too much for Mr. Teal to bear, drastic action was needed

Was that a pun.

i am impressed with everything about you.

Ray was totally fronting when he told Nolan he was gonna die.

Has Ray... not gotten things done?

Do I dare speak such blasphemy?

This is what I suspect.

I think Mr. Teal will feel the cold, hard smack of a cricket bat when Ray sorts this all out.

Ray was threatening Nolan. He just wanted him to back off. He may have gone through with it if the threat hadn't worked. Why would he call Nolan and tell him about the hit if not to scare him?

If Ray had the decency to become a dentist after saying it in his blog, I doubt he'd lie about something like this. Especially because it's so much easier.

Oh yes, Ray tried to kill Nolan. He thought Nolan was dead.
But Nolan is the amalgamation of all dark corners of mankind's society. He is every dreaded, shameful place the human consciousness can venture gathered into a single being. He is not bound by your petty laws of sanity or morality, and moves through your cages of inhibition like smoke. And in this boundless, shameless potential lies power. You can't kill him.

YOU CAN'T KILL NOLAN.

YES YES YES. That is exactly what I was thinking because I have been watching Twin Peeks for the past couple of weeks.

There actually is a sports bar chain called "Twin Peaks". I've seen billboards.

but if Keith is still on the laptop... then what was on the... OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh SHIIIIIIIIT!

How dare you!

impossible. must be some sort of blurring effect on regular block letters

Couldn't be. Comic sans is more rounded.

Also it is horrible.

THE DISEASE IS INSIDE YOU!!!

Whoops.

I thought that I added that to the wrong thread.

Whoops!

NOTHING CAN UNDO WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

Noooo!

Stop that.

Okay.


For now.

Can someone please tell me where to obtain a Victorian tinnitus cap?

a special Victorian tinnitus cap, not just an everyday-wear one.

Old people are always so wistful about basic stuff.

I just realized that Theodore and Cornelius are of the same species.

Maybe I have dementia!

Is stuffed animal a species?

clever latin joke, my friend.

i gave you a chubby because i don't think anyone else knows latin.

I got the Ursa = bear part. Is Efferta latin for stuffed?

If you also teach me how to say get, I promise I will start speaking latin.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Matripheliac