Laszlo's Open Mic / Roast Beef

Laszlo's Open Mic / Roast Beef 10/15/2003 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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I've always imagined Beef's "OOOOHHHHH SSSSHHHIIIITTTT" to be a loud whisper, not a yell. Like something you'd say in surprise when eavesdropping. Anyone else?

Agreed!

hell yes, you get a chubby

Obv. 1 chubby for you.

I will also second (okay, fifth) this statement, since I have no other clever addition.

chubby for the ill-fated eye

Most definitely. His face expression and the way he grabs his head makes this all very clear.

Not at all. Maybe if it was in italics as opposed to all caps. Caps is yelling in my corner of the world.

On second look, it does appear to be in italics. On that basis, maybe. I think caps overrides italics, though.

I got you to 200. Do I win something?

Roast Beef, America's Poet

The imagery is quite vivid...but I don't get it...

apocalyptic cyberpunk dystopia, the kind of thing a depressive computer programmer would dream of

I agree, but to my mind it seemed like a kickass set of Bond Gadgets that he would use to kill someone over at the Olive Garden.

I kind of got to wonder who James Bond would need to kill at Olive Garden. I mean, the guy's skipping around to places in Monaco and Vegas and Switzerland... And then in one movie he gets in his Aston Marton and follows a Honda Civic to Olive Garden, next to the Burger Jerk and the Washateria at the strip mall, and as his mark orders a seven dollar plate of ravioli Bond uses his watch laser to vaporize his face.

Bond, of course, would be shocked to learn that Olive Garden not only does not have martinis, neither shaken nor stirred, but does not have very much in the way of hard liquor at all. The strip mall charged too much for the liquor license.

Does Bond do assassinations? I thought he did, you know, more search-and-rescue type stuff.

I believe in the latest movie when told of a target he immediately said, "Do you want a clean kill, or do you want to send a message?"

I would say that's a yes.

He has a licence to kill, after all.

Yes but I don't think he's ever used it on non-targets.

Tell that to legions of faceless security guards.

you're thinking of Ahhnold as "Dutch" from Predator...

[IMGS OFF]
THERE'S A BOMB IN THE LASAGNA

This deserves more chubbies. Ah, vintage Doug. One of my top five formative influences.

I am so glad that scragg is a person

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to...pass me another delicious breadstick!

I'll be serving you today, Mr. Bond. My name is Pasta Galore.

I was literally laughing for a solid minutes, tear streaming down my face. One chubby isn't enough.

Incidentally, can you even get ravioli at Olive Garden for $7? I always seemed to recall that they were not just crappy, but unreasonably pricey for the quality of food. More like $9-12 at least.

I believe their pricing system is based on how long the given meal takes to microwave. Ravioli is pretty dense so it takes longer to defrost hence the "high-roller" $9-12 price bracket.

This would pretty much be the movie where the script writer and the director look at each other during the first screening and realise that they may have taken the gritty realism thing a little too far.

Just mowing us all down

Thank you. I used to feel so alone.

Beef is not into meals. Because as this poem shows, he sees them as potential weapons, and are dangerous.

You can have yourself a chubby for the avatar/text combo. Brilliant.

Arnold and beef have very different "oh shit"s. Ah-nold just belts it through his meaty pipes as hard as he can; beef's is much more of a stuttered, choppy whisper.

it's not poetry, he's reading the menu from Lonis F. Edison's family restaurant...

This is a genuine fear of Beef's. Look at his face. He knows that someday this will happen to him and it will be terrible.

This strip makes me hungry.

My favourite, I think.

Existenzzzzz

One day, I will read poetry at open-mic night. Everyone will clap and as i walk away I will toss my cigarette over my shoulder and mutter, "This is for you, Beef"

ash all falling on an old lady's hat, setting it on fire

stub burning a puppy's eye

all hot flaming blood spraying on the mayor

NOT THE MAYOR! What sort of fool do you take me for?

I always envisioned the 6th panel as being the full gravity of the situation slushing down onto poor beef's head. He didn't know what he was getting into.

Someone needs to make these things. Hella get weapons through security that way.

Damn Beef's poetry is better than about anything you'll see at most open mike nights. His delivery in the last panel is so heartfelt, that's what makes it all real.