Showbiz Weighs In On The Wedding

Showbiz Weighs In On The Wedding 03/13/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

If Showbiz can get some chicks to lez out at the wedding, this will be a big year for him.

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DeGeneres is dating Portia de Rossi. Is she more the stereotype you were hoping for?

Tobias? Is that you?

No. Is that a pop culture reference I'm too stodgy to understand?

Evidently!

You probably aren't going to get that one or all the subsequent ones, either.

I'd applaud you for your prophecy if it wasn't such an easy prediction. Not as easy as predicting an oriental sunrise, but more on the par that the computer will start up. Sometimes it doesn't happen! But as we already see, it's usually the case.

Kinder citizens would point me to the movie, TV show, song, or video game in question.

My good chum rowboat has pointed you in the right direction in a comment below. Enjoy the act of discovery!

My thanks to rowboat. I haven't watched TV since 2004.

I can imagine Tobias speaking and gesturing this every word. With more gay slippage.

In case no one plans to answer you, lateadopter, it is a reference from Arrested Development.

Goddamned good show. Watch it.

You know, I've watched the show and yet I failed to make the connection. For some reason the first thing that came to mind was Thomas Mann's short story "Tobias Mindernickel". Which is great, by the way, but that's neither here nor there.

My first thought was Tobias from Animorphs, which I suppose speaks volume of my character.

Me too dude, me too. And apparently eleven other people.

Fourteen. Well, fifteen including me. Whenever I see/hear the name Tobias (which isn't often), I cannot help but think of Animorphs. Man, I miss those books. Did anyone else ever read the Andalite Chronicles?

of course we're talking about a ya series w/'MOVIN PICTURES!' @ the bottom...but she totally jumped the shark w/the andalite chronicles...

My sister had them, but she threw a fit when I tried to borrow them. I did manage to get in about half of Visser before she took it back.

Dang, I had such a crush on Ax. I think it was our shared awkwardness.

I read every single one of those goddamn things. Did anyone else read the Ellimist chronicles? Hork-Bajir?

Y'all some nerds.

Man it's true, but no need to say it. I think it's relevant to remember you've made over 1200 comments on a webcomic messageboard. We're all some serious nerds up ins.

haha, I know. Sheesh. Two lames for that? Someone needs to lighten up a bit.

Possibly two someones.

My sympathy for the Hork-Bajir was a major impetus in my becoming a vegetarian. The Ellimist always creeped me the fuck out (not as badly as the Drode, mind you. ugh)

Ellimist Chronicles: YES.
Hork-Bajir: Double YES.
I gave my childhood up for Animorphs and I would do it again.
I used to actually believe my pet cat was a nothlit and thus would not change in front of her.

Oh man, I had basically the first 20 or 30 something of Animorphs, then, y'know, aged and such. Out of boredom at work a few weeks ago, I wiki'd it, only to discover that the crew had recruited crippled children as cannon fodder, all of my favourites had died awesomely, and Jake had become basically a suicidal, alcoholic Jack-Bauer-with-animal-powers. Fuckin' A man.

Holy friggin' crap. That is awesome.

Yes if that's the one where they go back to the age of dinosaurs because they tried to fix a nuclear submarine. As dolphins. That book was really dark for 12 year old me, kind of like when my dad thought Watership Down was a children's film and left me to watch while he cut a bit of wood in half.

Didn't they cause the dinosaur apocalypse by being a dick to the aliens?

The Tobias I always think of, I believe, is a talking cat from some children's book series. Not animorphs, though. Hold on, I need to hit wikipedia.

Found it! Tim and the Hidden People. Funny, the little things that stick in your head.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobias_Linderoth

This was the man I first thought of when I read the name. This is quite curious as I do not enjoy watching football.

I was thinking Tobias from Sweeney Todd. Did it bother anyone else that they dumbed his name down to exclusively "Toby" in the movie, instead of using it as his nickname only? Eh.

I'm not sure if it means anything, really, but I got the Book of Tobias (commonly called the Book of Tobit) from ancient arcana and a painting by Raphael, but couldn't really make a connection from there to Portia....

That's funny, the first thing I thought of was mortal combat. (Noob Saibot) aka Tobias/Boon-two of the developers from the series.

Arrested Development. It was a great show. Portia played Tobias' wife. Tobias was David Cross, of Mr. Show with Bob and David fame.

The more you know...

He also does spectacular standup comedy.

If you like angry humor.

Spectacular is an overstatement. It's Not Funny was aptly titled.

I'm just waiting for the lames, but you know it's true. The Pride is Back was way better.

The lames they may come, but for now, a chubby for you!

The only Cross stuff I've ever listened to is Shut up, you fucking baby! and i found it pretty funny, but not quite funny enough justify spectacular. Patton Oswalt and Lewis Black are where you go for angry comedy.

Also, my avatar should confer my first recommendation to anyone who wants to laugh at things that suck

Patton is great. Obviously Bill is the king, but he's all dead and shit.

He's still got more material out than Patton. Lewis too, i think. Dude was hella prolific.

chubby. David Cross' standup never me laugh or even such as a chortle or your basic snicker

Nah, too boxy.

heyyyyy hermanoooo

Buster, you can%u2019t do that on the balcony, buddy?

I actually blushed once I saw how Assetbar handled my comment. You've made a fool of me for the last time, Assetbar.

How does that happen? Do you type in notepad and paste it in Assetbar or something?

Test:
Buster, you can't do that on the balcony, buddy?

mom says it's too windy

I checked the accuracy of my quote by first pasting it into Google, and then copying a new version back into Assetbar. In my test, I used science to find out what would happen if I copied something from the Assetbar textbox back into the Assetbar textbox.

Science is something we can all appreciate!

[IMGS OFF]
As this is my second post ever, and first attempt at posting a picture here; kindly forgive me my trespasses, should this not work.

Shit man, I thought I had chubbies to give here. Listen this is incredible. You are rad.

Phew! I thought I had been too friendly on the strip that has your other comment, so as I would not be able to give you your chubby. Might I recommend leaving pithy and insightful commentary on, particularly, "The Party" and "Prank Calling" arcs so that I might distribute to you the correct amount of chubbies?

Good work, buddy. You really pulled through.

But maybe there is still hope for the young,
if they reject the dung being slung from the tongues,
of the ignorant fools who call themselves preachers,
and listen instead to their science teachers.

Virtual chubby because i just queued up three songs by the Hawkman because of this post.

Mom says it's too windy.

Damn, this replied way too far after all the Arrested Development hullaballo was over. Maybe next time.

Schniiikes.. your avatar makes "Final Countdown" stick in my head. (sigh)

Their wedding was rather beautiful.

chubbied for what'll probably be called feminazism. thorfinn was obviously joking, but even jokes can lead to serious attitudes.

it was a lame joke. that's what lames are for.

No, lames are obviously for being a cock to someone, on the grounds that, the internet makes you anonymous, and therefore a dickwad.

Ah, John Gabriel's Greater Theory of Internet Fuckwads!

Yes! High five!

This misdirected sensitivity is so frustrating I can can't even begin to convey it. Guess I'll just go watch porn and feel better.

It was a joke. I thought the whole "getting it on after they notice they have the same color shoes" thing made that pretty clear. Porn plotlines are ridiculous like that.
Delivery guy: "Here's your pizza ma'am"
Girl: "I'm not paying for this, I ordered extra sausage"
Delivery guy: "I've got some sausage for you right here" <unzips pants>

I thought she was joking in return, but I dunno. You tell me, loneal.

I would've maybe thought so too, but the last sentence and the "that's not funny" follow-up made it pretty evident in my opinion.

This conversation is magical. I hope ya'll's blood pressure isn't directly linked to how many lames you accrue.

It's grl. Catgrl. I am offended by that extra i. Shame on you.

riotcatgrrl131?

Yes, and duly chubbied.

I am sorry. I have failed you. I will hang my head in shame.

Hm, not a bad defence, but I think it's presumptuous and wrong to say thorfinn was presenting it "from [his] own perspective." It's more like he was implicitly setting up a proxy character who was clearly not himself and then using him to make the kind of statement that a typically offensive character would make for the purpose of satirizing such thinking. And I really don't think your response qualifies as a joke, since it was just direct sarcasm, but maybe that's just my biased reading.

But you're right, let's not get worked up about it. I'm just suggesting that maybe your refusal to appreciate irony in this case only serves to further inscribe you in the patriarchal Symbolic order of binary absolutes and is thus counter-productive.

(I'm enjoying this tremendously, by the way)

"I'm just suggesting that maybe your refusal to appreciate irony in this case only serves to further inscribe you in the patriarchal Symbolic order of binary absolutes and is thus counter-productive."

Okay that was amazing.

I guess I was counting sarcasm as a joke. Maybe sarcasm doesn't count as a joke, per se.

Anyway, whatever. I am also tremendously enjoying this, but only because I am sexually attracted to Internet fights.

I'd say Todd's established existence as a little ball of offensive opinions and cocaine abuse is different from Thorfinn setting up a proxy character.

So in order to make simple jokes, we have to set up a goddamn backstory to avoid somebody getting oversensitive and going off on us?

No, it's implicitly done. When you jokingly make a comment that would at face value be taken as 'offensive' or bigoted, but deliberately and obviously exaggerate it to the point that it becomes ridiculous, you are not being racist/sexist but satirizing racist/sexist beliefs by showing how ridiculous they are. I am only laying this out here in such detail in the hopes that at least one person will finally get it through their head and that at least one exchange like this can be avoided in the future.

Achilleselbow, I commend you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who gets the setting up of proxy douchebag characters as a comic device. Your navigation of this tricky situation has been most interesting to read.

I wasn't necessarily disagreeing with you, I was just saying that perhaps Todd was not the best example?

I was going to go to Uni. I started an Arts degree, but three months in to the Renaissance philosophers, at the age of seventeen, I thought, what's the point? What are all these essays going to do for me? So I quit. Now I can't even JOIN a fight on the internet, let alone win one.

SO THIS IS WHAT TERTIARY EDUCATION IS FOR!

Oh my GOD, I just saw a thing, I just saw a thing! Thorfinn's post that I responded to was in response to something else. I was scrolled to a part of the page where there was nothing further to the left, and I assumed it was a response to the strip, and not that "Lesbians are man's greatest achievement." It was totally irony, and I thought it was just a horrible, non-ironic joke. No wonder folks got so mad at me! Holy shit! Your proxy theory is 100% valid.

Once again, we can blame all of our problems on Assetbar.

Huzzah!

Chubbied for sitting under a lamp that helps you admit you're wrong :-) Sorry if I kinda exploded in my first response.

I'm gonna go ahead and say it. This entire exchange has been really embarrassing. Jesus, I expected someone to start quoting Paglia or something.

It's cool, dude, I exploded, too! Although judging by the chubby/lame distribution on those first two comments, a lot of people made the same mistake I did, or maybe just plain old misread thorfinn's comment as non-ironic.

Oh man, that was so weird. I'm all, "Achilleselbow is making a coherent, eloquent argument, so he seems intelligent, but he's making up all this irony where there is none." And then everything snapped into place.

Love your authenticity about this, but seriously...

Ya'll thinking way too much! Think less, BE more!

Critics and Reporters all get to comment on the performance and the game, and think the whole thing through, but have no power to really affect how good the performance is or who wins the game.

Only the people on the stage or in the field have anything to do with that, and they are so busy BEING part of the outcome they have no time to spend thinking about it.

When I initially posted it, there was only one post in between my post and the one it replied to, then people started replying like crazy and it pushed them apart, making it much less clear that I was replying to tombsgrave. I find this is often the case with assetbar comments.

Illustrating absurdity by being absurd? That's just crazy enough to work!

see, i didn't think yours was a joke so much as it was sarcasm.

Lesbians are MAN's greatest achievement? Somebody's lookin to get Queer Raged. It's a good thing this isn't Livejournal.

Man, there are hella lesbians around where I live. They're all not interested at all in dating me.

Lay off the Axe, and maybe you'll get an invitation to The Crunchy Green Elephant or some such vegan establishment.

Party on, bjorntd!

Party on, lost_buoy!

Consider the character who is saying it.

It is not true. Cuervo can however make girls hit on guys, and then vomit on them. I've seen it happen. One of my buddies, who was drunk on the Cuervo as well was all standing there, then this girl we both knew came up and started flirting with him, then threw up on him, then fell down onto the couch and took a nap. It was hilarious

Good god, two posts within ten minutes, both with dependent clauses set off, both missing the comma after the clause. My syntax is terrible today.

Not only have you displayed a much finer grasp of the English language than most, you have owned up to errors most would not have even noticed.

As far as I am concerned, you are absolved.

Chubbied, even.

It's all right. If it makes you feel any better I was reading it as hastily-written and perhaps completely idiomatic.

No spelling errors are a plus though.

harhar.

Chubby'd because I made that same joke the other day and some nice soul was soullishly nice enough to chubby me for it.

As an English major, I can totally relate to your getting neurotic over dependent clauses, comma usage, and whether I used the right word or not.

I am not an english major, but way back in the day, I had a WR 095 teacher who was horribly anal about grammar (An A quality paper could get knocked down to a low B for 2-3 minor grammatical errors) that many of the rules just got burned into my brain. I am a double science major, which means that assetbar is one of the few places where I get to type anything that isn't in the third person, passive voice, and past tense. I'm usually all like "10 mL of 1.0M HCl was added. A change in color from violet to orange was observed in the solution.". I hate Gen Chem, I hate it right in the face. It makes sense that I have to take it as a Geology/Physics major, but it bores the shit out of me.

Is double science anything like double music?

If so: AWESOME.

Combine your loves!

"High upon the misty mountain fortress, thorfinn worked slavishly at his creation. A drop of sweat rolled down the side of his handsome, square-jawed face and onto his rock-hard pectorals. It was not just for his science that the village wenches came to him.

With great care, he added 10mL of 1.0M HCl to the violet solution, and waited. The seconds ticked by. Nothing. Was it all in vain? Would he be doomed to failure yet one more time? Wait: the solution, it was changing, blossoming into a vicious, roiling orange. It had worked! He had done it!

'Fools!', he cried triumphantly, 'They will mock me no more!'"

If I was your TA, I know which one *I'd* want to read.

I'm an ex-physics major, by the way, so grade my grammar accordingly.

It saddens me that I have no chubby to give you for such a brilliant post.

It has been done for you, sir.

Repeatedly!

Hilarious!

Thanks! I try.

Sometimes I am too willy-nilly with my chubbies. Sometimes I use all of the allotted chubbies before I get a chance to read a post like yours. I am left with only a virtual chubby to offer you. Please accept this virtual token of appreciation for such a fine post.

I too, can only offer theoretical chubbies. But you can have as many as you like.

The great thing about Achewood fans is that they write fan fiction about each other rather than about Achewood. I think we're onto something here.

Webcest!

V-Chubb'd for "hate it right in the face."

This is true, after having consumed an amount of Cuervo disproportionate to her weight, a girl told me "You're cute," asked me, "Do you have a condom?" then said "BLehagghargh" on my face.

Seriously, I think Showbiz may count that reaction a plus.

bonerville!

Something about the combination of your comment and your avatar made me fall out of my chair. Thank you.

The Cuervo statement is a bold claim by a cartoon cat from circumstances. The statements made by him are not scientifically proven.

...but there's always hope.

It is occasionally true, but mostly on the class of lady where your success would just make you sad all day.

Cuervo is to Tequila as "downer cattle" are to Filet Mignon.

Yes. Cuervo is gross. Patron WHAT

Ah, Patron. The Cliff Notes answer to classy liquor. It'll get the job done, but you didn't put in the effort that was due.

Lazy grammar, barely interesting comment. I give it 3
Beefs.

Corazon Reposado for me. But for someone with the tag "fineoakstructure," I'm thinking Tres Generaciones Maduro.

It's Laphroaig for me. Tequila gives me heartburn.

Lagavulin and Arbeg, if we're gonna talk about scotch. Can we talk about scotch? That would be awesome.

Not a big fan of the Ardbeg (not even going to try the diacritics) and I haven't tried Lagavulin. Bowmore is pretty good though.

Trust bourbonsamurai and myself, Lagavulin is incredible. Got myself a little bottle of the 25 stashed away for special occasions.

I used to have this awful boss who was a lazy, cheap bastard and a compulsive liar. I constantly had to cover for him, fix problems, take heat from clients, etc. etc. His father was (allegedly) a former general in the South Vietnamese army, and all his buddies gave him scotch as a present, even though nobody in their family drank.

Long story short, once I figured all of this out I demanded bottles of scotch from him to fix his problems. I am still waiting for the right occasion to finish the Lagavulin 25 and the last sip of the Laphroaig 30.

I kind of miss that guy.

I kind of hate you now. Duly chubbied.

chubbied for being in the same room as a guy who owned this stuff. For actually getting a hold of it yourself I'm going to have to find a way of going back in time and making you my personal childhood friend.

Say, you want to come to my room?

Nobody mentioned Talisker in this Scotch discussion! The Isle of Skye is so sad and alone now. Strange how it's the only single malt distillery on the Isle and it's the home of the great fortress of the Clan McLeod. So: There can be only one.

Um. Can I be your new drinking buddy? Pretty please?

I know very little about scotch aside from Glen Livet is delicious. If the subject were to turn to bourbon, my words would be finer-tuned.

Knob Creek: "yea" or "emphatically yea"?

moderately emphatic yea
Maker's Mark is also good

Maker's Mark and Knob Creek are to bourbon what Patron is to tequila, minus the "overpriced". Good, but do your homework and don't just buy whatever's on the second highest shelf at the store

They're good compared to the Jim Beam I usually drink. I don't usually buy the super high-end bourbon. If I'm paying more than $30-$40 for a fifth of whiskey, it better have crossed an ocean to get to me.

next time you go to buy a bottle of jim beam (white label, I assume), pick up evan williams and compare. You'll save a couple dollars and it will be better.

I've actually been drinking a lot of Jim Beam Rye lately, but I enjoy the white label as well, I'll have to give Evan Williams a try.

Beam Black is nice but overpriced. As far as I can tell, EW and Beam White are the same drink.

If you like Jim Beam Rye, try Wild Turkey Rye. It makes the JB taste like paint thinner. Even better, though it's expensive and hard to find, is the Old Potrero Rye. It is the best non-scotch whisky I've had.

I will do that

Potrero's ridiculous, but it overpowers rye cocktails like crazy. I like baby Sazerac for my Manhattans and such. WT Rye and JB Rye feel like wastes of money when there's good ol' Overholt for ten bucks a liter.

Agreed. If you're going to use it for mixed drinks, I would go with Wild Turkey Rye for something that needed some sweetness and Sazerac (the rye, not the mixed drink made with rye) is with no doubt the best base for a Manhattan.

I think I got into rye at too advanced an age to appreciate Old Overholt. I bet I would have loved that in high school.

Well, you wouldn't make a manhattan out of Bulleit so you wouldn't make a rye drink with Potrero.

Actually I make manhattans with Bulleit all the time. Yum.

When I spend money I drink Bulleit or Booker's. Knob Creek and WT101 are priced identically, economically, and I usually flip a coin. The point is that they're both at least 50% alcohol and taste great for or in spite of it.

Find and consume 1792 and Basil Haydens.

Beam is what bourbon drinkers who drink too much drink.

I can corroborate this.

I definitely fall into that category, I buy Jim Beam by the handle.

Beam tastes like dog vitamins smell.

I find Booker's much too "hot," which is to say its high alcohol content makes it taste like burning. In my mouth. But many other people dig it, so maybe I'm too sensitive.

Try with a little water. It'll take down the heat and release some of the more noble flavors of the bourbon.

O, but I completely agree about Maker's Mark.

I gave a glass of Laphroaig Quarter Cask to a girl I used to date, and she said "It tastes like an oily tree". I think there is a small gene mutation that makes women unable to enjoy a good Islay malt.

False. Retract.

Tequila is like everything else, only more so. If you're going to drink it, drink the best. I have fond memories of Herradura Seleccion Suprema Anejo. It's like injecting the essence of fire directly into your soul. It is unlikely that I will make such a financially reckless purchase again soon, but luckily a good 85% of my extant memories feature liquor.

I wouldn't say so much the essence of fire, but rather the essence of Huehueteotl, the Aztec god of fire.

Now now, Patron Silver does have the benefit of, unlike many tequilas, being worth half what people charge you for it. For me, Herrada is the good stuff. Priced the same as the below-mentioned Corazon, but with a nicer set of complexities in my opinion. Of course, I don't have much experience with tequila; gin's my bag.

Herradura is likely going to start dropping off in quality because they've been acquired by Brown-Forman.

Gin is also my bag. Let's divert this conversation. I like Boodles and Plymouth. Yum.

Ah, a Boodles man! We are few and we need to be more vocal. It's just impossible to get in Maine, and the NH State stores only ever seem to have 750ml. It isn't my favorite gin, but it might well be the most versatile gin I've ever encountered.

I get a lot of flak for this, but Tanqueray is my choice. I was raised on it as mother's milk and something about it just exemplifies a straightforward gin for me because of the heritage.

I'm gonna hate on Tanqueray forever for getting rid of Malacca, but it's still a darn decent drink. I don't even think Ten is better than the standard pour, either.

I can't find Boodles damn near anywhere too, but you're right, it's just fantastic enough in just about every way, especially for the money.

Ten is overpriced and not that great. I bought it once and all subsequent times it came into my possession as gifts.

Yeah, but it's definitely worth making a trip out-of-state for.

I was just going to put in a word for Boodles, but you guys got to it first. Boodles is the gin that made me a gin drinker.

It is all about the Plymouth gin.. Tanqueray is Gorden's with some taste. Yes I am from Plymouth and yes the Plymouth Gin factory gives some brilliant freebies on their tour..... So maybe I am just biased with free gin? One of my favourite radio messages sent ever was one sent to the Royal Navy in World War two saying that the Blackfriars distillery was bombed but worry not as Plymouth Gin will still be distilled!! Priorities are correct there!

I now will try Plymouth on the strength of this recommendation... from HISTORY!

It is a fine gin. An excellent gin. But it somehow didn't strike me well enough as to stump for it.

Helps when you can get it for �10 a bottle thanks to living by the factory.. and spending a silly amount of time drunk there thanks to it being in an area where there is 5 flats for every pub.

Let me just go out on a limb and defend Gordon's for a second; the stuff we get in the US is different from the Gordon's that's sold at home. Plymouth is also unabashadly not a London Dry; it doesn't try to be.

I know Plymouth is not a London dry. It is one of the few provincial gins still being distilled today.

I know you know this, the point being that they're different enough that I simply cannot dismiss london dry gin as being inferior to Plymouth outright

You know, as a man with little experience in the way of varied alcohol, after a while all these posts just sort of blur together into one massive "HOORAY FOR DRINKING" sign. And yet I'm enthralled. I could watch you guys argue the merits of various boozes all night.

I'm a life-long tea-toddler, and I still found this entire thing hella interesting. I've never touched any of it, but I've smelled different kinds, and bought my share of rounds for mates, and seen the different impacts of different types. I've seen as many people get vicious mean on Cuervo as I've seen get mad ruddy.

I once gave a lady some Cuervo with the instructions that she should "do ANYTHING". That lady was Marie Curie.

I strangely am not displeased that I can't give you a chubby.

I... don't know how to take that.

I am not saddened that I am not unable to place upon your comment the opposite of a lame; which is to say, I did not stint to accord your original statement the approbations it does, indeed, deserve.

Translation: HELL OF CHUBBIES, YO

Thanks for keeping it real, terror-Mooninite-style, jlynes.

Am I going to be the only one to say it? Gotta be careful who you call a son of a bitch, Beef! I mean, in your case it may still be a thing to say, but...

Been a wedding caterer in my day, dude, and sorry, Cuervo is no more powerful than anything else 120 proof. The Lez is either IN the girl or it is not. Alchohol is but a key; there must be something inside that wants out;.

Also Sprach Wedding Caterer

I respectfully disagree; I do not think a girl will lez on vodka. Straight to the vomiting.

I have never catered a wedding (though I have DJed and photographed them). Nevertheless, I can say, as a firsthand witness, that some girls will indeed be persuaded to lez out by vodka, though spectre's right about needing a little lez there in the first place.

80 proof, plus up to 49% trash spirits

whether or not the lez is in her or not, the vomit is ALWAYS in her, just waiting to let itself out.

heh

Virtual chubby, hehehe.

To you sir, I grant a chubby.

I laughed so hard, I nearly wet myself.

You can get them to kiss, but that's hardly 'lezzing out' by my standards.

I, personally, find gin to be more effective.

Put it this way: On balance, the chances of chicks lezzing out are higher if they have had Cuervo, than if they have not had Cuervo.

I have lezzed out on Cuervo before

But if they have a litter, she will lactate. And then Ray will have new nieces/nephews to Do Right what he has Not Done Right with Li'l Nephew.

Roast Beef does not think they shoud party.

Roast Beef can be a party animal. However, he nearly always regrets it the next morning...

He usually ends up singing showtunes, rapping, and/or being a notorious dead president.

But they totally shold.

Were you making sure everyone else got the joke I just made?

I'm pretty sure the astute reader will notice that I did not make the same sentiment as you. Just the opposite, in fact. But thanks for being a cock about it, anyway.

Spelling errors are a funny thing -- some will get you 8 chubbies, while others will get you 4 lames.

Apparently at least one person is fantastically obtuse.

Okay, granted, it was not the exact same thing I said. But what, then, was the purpose of your comment? Was it meant to be read with emphasis on the should, as in "They shoud party," as though emphatically agreeing with hateandwar?

Roundabouts this exact part of the conversation - the part where someone is expected to justify why it is cool to make a reference to something at one point and not at another - is when I exercise my prerogative to do the Acheworld community a favor, and cease discussion of the matter at hand.

But for those of you that just won't be able to sleep tonight without an explanation, I just thought it would be nice to couple together Showbiz's two spelling variations in one place, for the solidarity of partying as a lifestyle in general.

Tek, I don't think he noticed that you had already made that particular spelling error.

I think you're right.

i think you're right thinkin' he's right.

Man. These comments have been very angry.

They really have. So much hate in Acheworld today, and I'm only like a third of the way down the page.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU

I instantly thought of "Ohmigod, shoes" video when reading this. Anyone else?

I am now, and my day is a bit brighter for it. I tip my hat to you, sir.

to quote a certain someone:

YES.

If Showbiz says we partied then I'm pretty sure we partied. I really don't remember. I remember we departed from our bodies. We woke up in Ybor City.

Roast Beef has never been off the hook.

Merely mentioning the word "hook" in the vicinity of Roast Beef makes him crack open a bottle of Maalox and take a swig or two.

Respectfully, that is straight up Bullshit, sir.

Just cos a dude got depression doesn't mean he can't cut a rug on command.

Observe.

Oh jeez, he's just throwing his entire being into that dance.

However, being the 'ichi-ban party muchacho, it will be difficult to pass it up. Now, ladies 'lezing' out at a wedding, well that's the ultimate party.

In attempting to alienate his brother, Roast Beef has given Showbiz license to ruin his wedding.

I R O N Y

Yeah, I don't think that was strategically a very good move on Beef's part.

Sounds like things could get pretty wacky!

although this has nothing to do with the strip i'd like to show you all an article in the Guardian today
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2008/mar/13/ukcrime/
that image is a cropped-out version of her wearing the rabbit ambulance t-shirt.
is it pathetic i shared this with you? possibly, but i feel just that little bit more when it comes to matters involving fellow achewoodians.

they were probably Bauhaus fans.

You have to be willing to throw your life away for a Bauhaus reference.

Bela Lugosi did.

I'm having trouble following your logic here...

Oh I still think it is OK to like a band. But then I think that unless you are literally asking to be beaten to death, you are not asking to be beaten to death.

I really don't know which way to go with this comment, morally.

These are confusing times.

also WHO THE HELL CHUBBIED ME YOU JUST CHUBBIED DEATH ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

I just lamed it to balance out the universe.

Don't you tell me what I can and can't chubby. I chubbied in memoriam, not out of sympathy for death. Death, much like slavery, is not cool.

You cannot come to my funeral. A chubby is not a memorial.

Thank you for clarification.

Death is. Of itself, it is neither happy nor sad. It is a door to another kind of life.

That she is dead does not sorrow me as much as the way she died. The anger and hatred expressed. The useless pain of a senseless battering. The absolute and ultimate invalidation of another human life. The drunken disregard for life itself. The lack of awareness of the perps. Do they not see that they have beaten themselves?

The existence of our Achewood fellow traveler is yet a happier one than that of her attackers.

how did you know she was wearing that shirt?

i initially read the article in the newspaper and that had the full image.

This is the full picture:
[IMGS OFF]

DiSaGrEeMeNt BoX

I am on Grombly's side. Mr. Obin is probably just good with photoshop and has nothing better to do with his life. Not a damned thing.

Uh oh!

I hope you have a good explanation for this, Grombly!

What do you have to say for yourself, Grombly?

i will find a scanner next week to back my point up. stand by...

i think i just disgusted myself by succumbing to your demands of proof
[IMGS OFF]

Not to mention that doesn't resemble the picture the Guardian has/d up.

I guess I mean...

Print and internet media are different?

Different picture, same girl, same sadness.

Thank you grombly, for bringing it to our attention.

Also, ain't no one had a whip to yout back.

This is pretty much the saddest assetbar.

She sure did smile a lot for a Goth.

Here clothes were blacker than the blackest cloth, her skin was whiter than the snows of Hoth, she wore Dr. Martens and a heavy cross, but on the inside she was a Happy Goth.

Quote:

Shall we batter him?

Even at their darkest and most menacing, Britons are still completely hilarious.

Virtual chubby.

Frankly I wouldn't be surprised by "Bash the gloopy devotchka's litso in!"

Dude, not something to fucking joke about!

I heard about this from a bulletin on MySpace a while ago. It's pretty fucking sad. As much as we all love to make fun of goths, we all know they are far closer to us in kind than the degenerates that would stomp on someone's head for the way they were dressed. When I read stuff like this it takes all the liberal in me not to make a rash outburst recommending some sort of chav-cleansing.

My thoughts after reading this type of news are always dark and violent. I think this is a bad thing but I am not sure. I'm a believer in lex talionis but I don't really feel the offenders in this case should be beaten to death. What immediately comes to mind is a well-dressed gentleman dispassionately executing each of them by firing a single .22 round into the soft part head behind the left ear at an upward angle.

p.s. "of the".

Go ahead and have your outburst. I won't judge you. Later, you can downgrade whatever you mean by "cleansing" to "permanently imprison." The decent people in some places are going to have to sack up when it comes to criminals pretty soon.

See, I took cleansing to mean, "bathe." Lord knows most chavs could use it. Maybe it'd help their demeanour?

stinky body=stinky attitude.

we're on to something here.

I read about this on bbc.co.uk two days ago. Its not often I wish this country had a death sentence but this was one of those times.

Goddamn it. Goddamn humans.

People ain't no good.

Nick Cave said it best.

I'm a little surprised how much this story has been staying with me all day. I'm usually all flippant about people dying, all "Check it out, I recorded World's Worst Rickshaw Disasters, pause it there, that dude is totally getting pulled into the spokes." but this one makes me very sad. I think it's the pointless brutality of the deaths, the ignorance of killers and the fact that I have many times thought about buying that same shirt if my dang credit card wasn't always maxed. This may be my saddest thing.

When we identify with the victims, we take it more personally. Would the sentiment be the same if she wore a different shirt?

When will we learn that there is no "them"?
There's just "us"!

And we really don't treat ourselves very nice sometimes.

man why you even got to do a thing...

Must say when i read about this i felt pretty much like Mr Kazenzakis, plain cold depressed

Of course, this raises the important question: does Molly have eight nipples?

Oh god. What have you done! That was completely uncalled for, and i'll never be able to look at her the same way again!

i don't think so. recall the anatomy in the breast man strip.

Let me check...

[IMGS OFF]

1, 2... you're right, I only count six.

I think they are properly called "teats" on cats.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teat

STOP THIS NONSENSE RIGHT NOW

Who else will tell us about cat tits, David?

THERE ARE NO REAL NAMES ON ASSETBAR

All of your avatars coincide perfectly with what you are saying.

YOU RUINED IT ACHILLES.

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

NAAAAAWWWWWW!!!! DOWN'T!!!! NNNNNYAYAI!!!! NNNNNNNNYAYAI!!!!

Maaaahh

Where Fee-Reep go?

P.S. SNOOPYS BALLS

YOU WILL BOW DOWN, EARTHLINGS!

ON ASSETBAR, THERE ARE NO WEBSITES OUTSIDE OF ASSETBAR

Beef's eyebrows do not exist until there is rage.

They also exist for surprise.

But I love the gradual deterioration into anger. These faces could be used for rating Garfield strips:

[IMGS OFF]

I really want to see a five.

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/9432/lashjx4.jpg

Oh man I hit reply way too early.
[IMGS OFF]
Garfield listen to me.
You have forbidden me from laughter since the day I cracked open a newspaper
Now I pay for this house and I pay for your lasagna
So as of this day I am the LAW and I am the LASH do your hear me!

garfield if you continue to keep fucking up the comics page then you are about to enter a world where the only activity that exists is tasting my hog

Just to make sure we've all been made aware of how garfield can be vastly improved as a comic

http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/page/1

[IMGS OFF]

damn, that didn't work so nice. hopefully some relevant information can be extracted from that

Yes, I've seen those. It's really funny, and interesting how such a simple change turns Garfield from completely worthless to something that actually has some artistic merit.

Yeah! A friend of mine turned me on to that just a couple of days ago. I was instantly hooked. It's almost like Garfield if it were written by P.T. Anderson, or something.

I think the sequence from when Beef's on the moon is good too. Let's mix them together!

[IMGS OFF]

Now there's five, just like the happy-Beef rating system!

He's so pissed off that his rage melted the phone into an oblong shape.

He's also so pissed that he can't speak in the last two pictures. Dude is TOO PISSED to SPEAK.

How do you tell between two and three?

It appears that straw left out 1, then posted 3 twice. If I trusted assetbar not to mangle my post, I would put up a picture of what the scale shoulud look like

Yeah, it was a mistake. I meant to have the halfway face from the moon strip but fucked up. Ah well, I still have the gif of Ray dancing to Toto.

The nice thing about images is that you can change them after you post them. For the previous post I actually posted 6 versions of Mr Bear and Beef's facial expressions until I was happy. Yeah... I should have waited till it was right in the first place - I'm just so damned instinctive.

Though I realize this, I was about to go to dinner at the time. And right now I'm drunk. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow? Only the history of Saturday will tell.

How do you know which IS 2 or 3?

The point is, when I get around to updating the link, this comment is not going to make any sense.

Oh Showbiz, you will be the death of me.

He totally seems like the kind of cat to refer to certain kinds of women as 'killer hardbodies'.

His idea of a worthwhile woman consists of a little hardbody who'll satisfy all of his demands without being too slutty about it and essentially keep her dumb fuckin' mouth shut.

Patrick, you really need to stop repeating what your friends say at lunch.

You are my term paper from last semester come back to haunt me.

I'm assuming your term paper was somehow related to American Psycho or Bret Easton Ellis?

I sure hope so. Otherwise my professor must have been pretty surprised.

Hey. What's up?

did i ever tell you of the time i got these chicks to lez out for me?

The statement "I'm not making this up" is usually either preceded or followed by something which has been made up

I know that, but in this case it is true. I really am not making that up.

I'm not claiming I got them to strip in front of me, or give me a tandem blow job or anything. They just made out.

I wasn't saying I don't believe you, it's just one of those things. Like when people say "trust me", the initial response is usually not to trust them.

Watch me get more lames:

I did the same thing once at a party. Both girls were average-looking, but as a bonus i did videotape it (camera phone).

Yes I am bragging. Apologies.

You did not get more lames.

"Tandem Blow Job" is a terrific term, and brings to mind
carefree summer days spent getting head on a two-person bike.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do...

And maybe you could bring your sister?

I'm no pee-sychiatrist, but I'm going to surmise that you got lamed for presenting yourself as the sort of guy who:

1) Feel it appropriate to make such a request
2) Associate with the sorts of girls that would comply
3) Found it necessary to share this fact on the messageboard of a comic strip whose target readers would mostly resent you for the above while a part of them perhaps secretly envied you for the same.

Besides, all of this combined with American Psycho references might make you come off as some Duke Lacrosse sort of guy. Which I hope is not the case because I've generally found your presence welcome, so what would that say about me?

Such tales (which inevitably come across as bragging, though I don't think that was the intention), in combination with the Bateman avatar, are a little... worrying. Tekende, please don't start posting about how you nailed them both while checking yourself out in the mirror and then electrocuted their HELL OF CENSORED I AM NOT GOING THERE

Mm, I didn't mean to give that impression. But, I mean, it's not like I brought this up out of nowhere. Someone else (presumably joking) brought up getting chicks to lez out, which reminded me of the time I did, so I shared the tale.

I can assure you, I am pretty much the exact opposite of Patrick Bateman (and the type of person I suppose you mean by "Duke lacrosse sort of guy" (they were innocent, you know)), which is probably why I enjoy the movie so much.

They were indeed innocent, but from what I've seen in the transcripts and reports, they were also douchebags. I am glad you are not such.

As much as I hate to be that "the book was better" guy, I have to say that the movie has nothing on the book in terms of disturbing and graphic imagery. If the movie was rated R, one would have to invent an entirely new alphabet to give the book a rating.

American Psycho is the only book I have ever seen being sold from behind the counter in a plain brown plastic wrapper. I kid you not.

That's weird. It's not like the cover has anything offensive on it.

I find the book and the movie complement each other quite nicely. I don't think one is better than the other, but they are different enough that experiencing each of them is new while still somewhat familiar.

And yeah, the lacrosse guys probably were douchebags. I wouldn't know personally, but from what I learned through various media, they did not seem like people I would enjoy spending time with.

I mean, I guess the bottom line is that you end up in the middle of the BEE references.

I don't know what you're saying. I don't know if what you're saying means anything.

We can tell you're not Patrick Bateman, you didn't spend three solid pages describing the act of lezzing out.

And most of those three pages would be dedicated, no doubt, to what the girls were wearing.

I just remember that other guy a few weeks back getting heck of lames for talking about nailing his girlfriend. He wasn't even that boastful, and no one seemed to think twice about telling him how Lame he was. Let's not have double standards here.

But Dovey, if I remember correctly, the message of which you speak had no mention (not one!) of "lezzing out." That means a lot. That changes simply everything.

I believe you, Tek, but I think lezzing out is more common over here. I honestly don't know many girls who haven't made out with another girl before. I mean it's not like they've all shagged another girl or anything, but it seems to me that girls kissing is a much bigger deal in America.

Interesting. I need to visit England again, apparently. Without my parents this time.

I've seen it a couple of times in London but many more times in Cape Town. The girls I saw in London were probably South African. It seems that girls of slightly less than average attractiveness find that kissing each other generates a lot of male attention, giving them an edge they were lacking. I wonder if they realise they are attracting the worst kind of men...

Oh well, obviously for most it's an attention thing, and they don't care that they're attracting the worst kind of men. All that they care about is that they're attracting men, who will give them validaition of their own attractiveness, even though it's so meaningless.

P.S. So drunk right now.

You are so pretty. What is your name? I can really myself with someone like you. Do you need another drink? My name is peterjoel, what's yours? I have this really funny joke about a priest, a rabbi and an imam....

Jesus I have no recollection of writing that above comment. So, if you had said that to me when I was in that particular state, it probably would have worked.

MiLady is surprisingly cogent for a semi-conscious state.

this is more or less every single lez out story ever told. its like these girls exist so the showbizes of the world can get a schoolboy erection.

You still ain't no Joe Francis, Tekende!
[IMGS OFF]
Why is this man not still in jail?

Because he has enough money to buy his way out of a statutory rape conviction.

Because there's no law against acting like the tiny glistening pus-filled head on a pimple on society's perineum.

Chubbied for "perineum". Where an average person would have been satisfied with "taint" or "gooch", you , jlynes, have gone the extra mile.

I myself prefer 'grundle' simply because it sounds like some sort of low-level monster in a D&D campaign.

You gotta kill like a billion of them to level up in <i>Star Wars Galaxies</i>

You are facing:

Level 2 Black Grundle
HP: 25 MP: 0

Attack, Cast Spell, Use Item, or Flee?

Cast Spell! Fire 1!

You cast Fire 1. You are now on fire.
*zeal is on fire*
-5 HP

Black Grundle attacks with fishy odor.
*Zeal is poisoned!*
-2 HP

(A) (S) (I) (F)

Use Item Fungal Cream

You use the Fungal Cream

Black Grundle becomes White Grundle

White Grundle says: "Thank you for freeing me, adventurer."

You gain 50 EXP

White Grundle joined your party!

*GASP* SO MANY @WORK-LOLZ!

Cast Spell! Screw You Hemorrhoid! Fuck You!

Because the prosecutors wish they could get hot young chicks to do those things without having to pay $1000 an hour.

Chubby for current events!

To be fair, $1000 is less than their hourly rate.

I don't know who that is or what he did.

It's the guy who started the "Girls Gone Wild" video empire. In addition to statutory rape charges, as mentioned earlier, he spent a great deal of time in court for tax evasion.

And, as I understand, is still in court for that. I also understand that things look none too hot for him right now.

...except naive underage party-girls.

RIMSHOT!

RIMJOB!

The guy behind Girls Gone Wild. Filmed girls having sex together, or stripping or making out, whatever, when one of them was 17 or 16. He says she said she was 18 (probably got a signed waiver to that effect, but I'm not sure). The father don't care about no damn waiver, she wasn't 18. So the Feds have focused more resources on this guy than on finding bin Laden.

Ah, okay. Welp. Good...good for him.

Give it time. He's in the middle of a perfect legal storm. He'll be stuck filming "Federal Convicts gone WILD!" soon enough.

It's pretty hard to film a man while he is violating you from behind. A guy who looks like that isn't going to be the husband in the prison relationship.

Shut the fuck up already, everyone hates you.

Snocks is now weeping openly. Blubbering in an empty room.

Maybe I was a little bit harsh there

No, I think the first two times it might have been funny in an "oh she/he/it is engaging in some random dadaist irony or whatnot," but now (shit) has proven (shit)self to be one-track and repetitive on the level of poing and we can assume that this is one of those annoying spammers that will keep at it for maybe a week or two and then hopefully disappear.

Oh, he was already crying, Thorfinn. He's been this way for days.

A-bloo-bla-bloo, a-bloo-bla-bloo-bla-bloo.

I was just gonna ask if anyone was up for clits. I was starting to get concerned.

You know, after reading over this a few times, I think I have to admit that I find "WHAT A GOOD THING TO BE OR HAVE" to be sort of genius.

...mom?

[img]http://wigu.com/overcompensating/pictures/weeping.png[img]

shit!

I don't know if it's firefox or what, but whenever anyone posts something this wide, I am never able to read the end of it.

[IMGS OFF]

dammit is this going to be the new "diabeetus" picture

To see the whole thing: Right click, View Image.

Man, I kind of want to lame you so I don't have him looking at me... No offense or anything, but fuck that guy.

What would be way cooler is you making out with one of them, marrying them some years later and not telling us.

I got two girls to make out once, too. I was all, "Hey, we should make out." And we totally did.

(I am only kidding I get too nervous to make such a request.)

..then why do you have The King Of The Makeouts as your avi?

This is a robo-man whose flowchart involves utterly failing to arouse any interest from the ladies. His flowchardt.

I frankly suspect that he has not been carnal with a girl. Or a robot girl.

Also: because he is hilarious.

Ladies all the time want to get carnal with me because I am premium dancer.

Chubbied for the awesome reference.

That movie is my special surprise film you've-never-heard of I use to impress my friends.

The fact that the guy who plays Alex is the singer of Gogol Bordello exponentially increases the awesomeness of his performance. If you have not heard them, you have been leading an incorrect life.

I'm so sick of gimmick bands. Gogol Bordello are as bad as Flogging Molly.

Eugene Hutz should stick with acting.

I don't see Gogol Bordello as a gimmick band at all. I mean, if Eugene H�tz is going to be in a band, he is going to be a Urkranian in a band. Should he be trying to make the music sound as Western and expected as possible just so that nobody will think it's a gimmick? Why is it gimmicky for him to make music that draws on the styles that influenced him and the things he cares about? That's what bands usually do -- the only difference is that a lot of his influences don't come from here because he's not from here.

You make a thoughtful point. But what I mean is that without the accordion, the violin and the jazzy costumes, they'd be just another mediocre punk band, which, if you substitute "jazzy costumes" for "a ridiculously overstressed Irish accent," would also pretty well explain Flogging Molly (though I'll allow that Gogol Bordello are much better than Flogging Molly).

Employing these kinds of tricks isn't necessarily damning. I love Devo, and they were about as gimmicky as it gets. But underneath the pseudophilosophy and funny hats were songs that would've been just as great without all that.

I guess in the end it has more to do with the fact that I find Gogol Bordello's music to be thoroughly uninteresting without all the "gypsy" trappings, and because of this I consider them to be kind of a joke band.

We disagree.

I just don't think it's fair to dismiss one of the main elements of their style as "'gypsy' trappings." If incorporating the traditions of that kind of music was something that bands normally did, you wouldn't consider it something gimmicky. What they're trying to do is introduce the styles of "gypsy music" into Western culture.

I mean, if you turned it around -- say we usually listened to music that was all about accordion and violin. We had vague ideas that in other places they did weird things with guitars and stuff, but mostly paid that no mind and stereotyped it heavily. And then band comes along, and they want to show us the rock music that we've been ignoring, but they think that what we're doing with the accordions is good, too. So they play music that uses accordions and violins and everything the way we're used to, but also uses things like electric guitars. Would you say, "Yeah, but without all the 'rock and roll' trappings, they're just another boring band"?

If their aim is to introduce the styles of gypsy music to Western youth, I applaud them. I hope it works.

But I don't like the cut of their jib. I will check out some tradtional Ukrainian folk CDs from the library. That's how I'll learn.

Man, didn't anybody else read the book?!

Can someone let this uncultured swine in on the reference?

Don't know if you'll go back to read this, but the reference is to Everything is Illuminated. Haven't read the book, but the movie has Elijah Wood and, as I said, the singer from Gogol Bordello, who completely steals the show.

What Achilleselbow says is true. The character played by the singer from Gogol Bordello actually manages to steal the show to an even greater extent in the book (in spite of lacking the magnetic appeal of Eugene H�tz), in which he is one of the most entirely wonderful characters I have ever read about.

At one point he confesses that he has not, in fact, ever had sex with a woman (and has no desire to ever do so, for that matter, but that is less directly conveyed), but that he has been saying so because it makes him feel like a "premium person," and because he does not want his father to kill him or his brother to hate him.

The presence of the Vlad avatar perfected this for me, footnote nonwithstanding.

There is a problem with these grombly's and tekende's comments here. You didn't make girls kiss each other. You suggested it and they took that as an excuse to kiss. Unless... unless you were pushing their faces together. You... you weren't, were you tekende?

I didn't say I made them do it. I convinced them to do it. It was not difficult, but they also probably would not have done it if no one had asked.

"I got two girls to make out for like half an hour once", was the mildly ambiguous statement that I was picking on. I draw a long bow here, admittedly.

I was once at a hotel party where 2 drunk chicks went down on each other, but having a true american love for Jim Beam and cheap reefer I had passed out in the floor before this happened and have no hard evidence of the story I was told being fact, though I like to believe it so.

I don't think I've heard the word lez as a noun let alone a verb since the era when Showbiz's mustache got him laid on a regular basis...until today. Maybe this will be a big year for Showbiz.

Showbiz, now is NOT the TIME for this. SHAME ON YOU. Beef is getting MARRIED, do you hear? Making the MOST important decision of his LIFE and you're concerned about your HANDOUT STRUCTURE? Screw you, Showbiz. Fuck you.

Wow, I just got mad at a cartoon cat...

Your angry post is made infinitely better by the fact that it looks like Mike Gravel is yelling at Showbiz. It even seems like something Mike Gravel might say.

Man Gravel will get worked up about pretty much anything

SCENE: THE ANTARCTIC ICE SHEETS

AL GORE is standing in the snow, looking through binoculars. He is watching a large piece of the Antarctic ice sheet collapse into the sea and float away. This is visibly upsetting to him, as upsetting as it would be for you or I to watch as our children's hopes and dreams are slowly crushed before their eyes and turned into the mulch of despair to grow the gladiolas of apathy. He puts down his binoculars and speaks to the camera.

GORE: Climate change is affecting us all. The world is changing, and it could have desperate consequences for our standards of living, our economy, and our future. But it doesn't need to be like this. There is another way.

CUT to a montage of MIKE GRAVEL angrying up the Democratic primary debates. He is a man filled with ire and volatility. He is not just a new bicycle. He is the future.

GORE: "Mike Gravel is an angry man. His rage can be seen from space. It has been shown that when Mike Gravel gets angry, he wastes enough heat and light to power Minnesota. This anger appears limitless, completely without end, unable to be used up. It is an energy source going to waste."

CUT to Mike Gravel sitting on a chair. He is attached to a large, whirring machine, and is watching MTV. He is visibly distressed by this experience. If he were David Banner, he would have Hulked out approximately 65 minutes ago.

GORE: "But this clean, dependable energy can be harnessed. Attaching Mike Gravel to a turbine and letting him watch what the damn fool goddamn kids have done to this fine country, we can provide at least part of a solution to this country's search for renewable energy resources. And if we work together, we can use other angry men to power our schools, our hospitals, our workplaces and our homes in a completely sustainable way."

CUT to a larger plant full of old men shouting at televisions. Some of them are waving sticks. Some are holding their fists together so hard they are creating small diamonds from the distressed carbon that was once their hands. These are angry men.

GORE: Rage power. They're mad as hell, and we're going to take it for longer.

PAID FOR BY THE CITIZENS FOR A RAGE-POWERED AMERICA

This was a good commercial pitch. It made me smile. I admire this man of rage, and I believe he would be pleased to know that his wrath changed America for the better.

If you put Ron Paul and Mike Gravel in the same room, and then hooked both up to that machine, you would have a perpetual source of energy.

You'd have to keep a big picture of the American dollar in front of Paul. Preferably line up the part that says it's "legal tender" directly with his eyes.

The power-plant at the center of a perfect universe.

Virtual chubby. "His rage can be seen from space" is hilarious.

Posts like this are why I often find myself compulsively dry-clicking Chubby, even though I know perfectly well that my supply has long since been exhausted.

This deserves many the chubby. Many I tells ya. "Some are holding their fists together so hard they are creating small diamonds from the distressed carbon that was once their hands. These are angry men." Sweet.

What about "bros before hos"? I mean, they are actually twin bros.

"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one dude to dissolve the bands which have connected him with another"...you get my drift.

I feel the exact same way. Showbiz is so low, I can't even believe it. No matter what happens, I will never call my brother up from a pay phone to beg for money. Never.

TWO WEEKS LATER: Paco calls his brother from a payphone in Detroit, prepared to humiliate himself asking a favor.

I wonder... is Showbiz a registered asshole?

no, he's merely a bro with the most questionable morals.

Showbiz don't register for shit

Probably why he needs the money. He skipped out on registration, and now he's on the run. Posters all up in the 7 Eleven: "Have you seen this asshole?"

"handout structure": hilarious

Even enraged, Beef speaks quietly and offers to help his brother.

I just noticed that Showbiz asks Beef if he is near a phone, on the phone.

i love the influx of excellent comments achewood has that increases your awareness of nuances in the strip. after about 3 hours it all goes downhill and people go on a LAMING FRENZY

Also he asks if Deef will be at the same number. Since he calls from different phone booths with different phone numbers all the time... everyone else must do it too!

If only I had a chubby left to give to you for the use of "Deef".

How could you run out of chubbies already? The strip has been up for less than 40 minutes, and there are only 45 comments, including yours and this one I'm making right now.

I just hope you wear a cap when you're giving out chubbies like that.

If only I had a crown.

There. I acted as your chubby proxy.

I got you covered.

After the Doast Deef comic I pretty much assumed that "DD" and "Deef and "Doast Deef" are freely interchangeable with their regular spellings from here on out.

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