:|

Or for those with less polite digestive systems:
:{}

Does anybody else feel inclined to say an :( instead of a :( ?

And what would an :) be?

A: a hard-on, obviously.

:@ see a doctor

if it's a :(, it's a girl fart
if it's a :|, it's a guy fart
if it's a :@, call Dr. Andretti 455-2123

I tend to do a >:(|

that won't really help my sleeping situation

It's like the difference between a newborn baby and a cow pie. They're both disgusting, but one is gross in a beautiful way.

yeah, cow pies are pretty sweet.

Mad chubbies for the term "bowel vocals." It made me envision the larynx located snugly inside the rectum. For a gay linguistics major like me, that combo is a dream come true!

Oh god, I'm so sorry, I just made myself shudder%u2026

I would assume fricatives, bilabials, and even phyringicals (sp? it's been a while) would be easy, but a glottal stop would be very difficult. Nasals would be impossible, as would most clicks.

It would be an isolate language. Let's hope, anyway.

That's how North Korea got into the Axis of Evil. Kim Jong-il tried to explain that that's just how his language sounds, but Bush was having none of it. Then Saddam Hussein just started openly farting, which made Bush angrier and angrier. Apparently it was his "worst birthday ever."

Plus it uses a colon, which is appropriate.

666. The "Beelzebutt"
The lady does a :( in a public setting and you feign a demonic possession to cover it up.

#69.
The lady does a :(
You get a :)

And actually, it wasn't that good for the relationship that he got took to Olive Garden. She wasn't there ten minutes but she was holdin' hands with some greasy guy in the dumpster out back

the alt text reads like Rustmouth sold out and did a commercial jingle.

This strip made me do a :)

27. The "Damn punks"
You're sitting in the lounge, peacefully reading separate sections of the newspaper on a Sunday morning. She does a :(

SOLUTION: Immediately throw down the paper, open the window and yell at some "damn punks" down the street for working on their motorcycles so early in the morning.

(haha rare Mr Bean DVD)

I wonder if "rare Mr Bean dvd" means "a dvd where Mr Bean doesn't talk." He just putters mutely about England on his little shenaningans, occasionally pausing to do a :)

Pardon me.

to earn a trip to olive garden, you must have been offended the equivalent of 15 dollars, or 17 seconds of unpleasant scents and awkward silence

Nah, I made some calls, and it turns out he ain't.

You had me until "unique aroma," which just sounded a little creepy.

87: THE "ASSETBAR"
You are posting on an Internet message forum, when your lady does a :(

SOLUTION: Give her a "Chubby." This is supportive, and reassuring

Right below that we find:

How can one cover up a fart?
There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.
As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart.
Address the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as follows: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!
Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can.

A ;( is when your lady queefs.

You win one if you can correctly decipher whether or not It Will Float.

42. THE G-G-G-GHOST
Your lady has encouraged you to spend the night with her in a haunted house. She does a :(

SOLUTION: Turn to her with one eyebrow raised. In a level tone of voice, ask her whatever happened to Dan Aykroyd's career.

I just finished reading every last achewood until this very day.


my eyes/liver/molars hurt

We should be thankful it's not possible to have two chubbies. The entire infrastructure of your pants would have to be redesigned, descending the fashion industry into chaos.

Also, two cocks.

It'd look like a squid down there.

It can happen. Leave me alone.

That is all guys on the internet. Ash from Army of Darkness is a main thing of guys on the internet.

On the rare occasion that it happens to me, it always comes out as a >: D

"Did you say something?"
"No, I farted."

I don't even know what my response would be.

51. "The Enlightened Man"
You are writing your memoirs in the study. She is dusting a 16th century Johannes Schöner globe. She does a :(.
Solution: Look out the window. Calmly say: "That either happened or it didn't. I have no strong feelings either way. I am free."

We may never know what Tina did to Ray. And neither will he, as he was asleep for it.

67. Projection

You are at Olive Garden, she does a :(.

Turn to the nearest fat guy and give him a stern frowning at. Do not worry about finding a fat guy. Fat guys are the largest demographic at Olive Garden.

I am fat. I can attest to both the accuracy of the statement and the efficacy of the technique.

I don't know about you fancy-pants californians, but when I visited a wok factory the wok makers went about their craft with the utmost dignity and silence. At the end a small man showed me a new wok on a flame. He dropped a small piece of chicken into the centre, and it's sizzling made me weep.

512. The End of the Road
You are going down on the lady. She does a :(

SOLUTION: Nothing can be done to fix this. The relationship is over. Severity of the :( will determine if she will still receive a card at Christmas.