Reception Scene One.

Reception Scene One. 07/17/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Vlad is one of those guys you have to know how to be friends with.

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They're either tears or Ray managed to somehow acquire harlequin-style makeup within one panel. YOU MAKE THE CALL, READER.

I'm more inclined to go with 'hopeful, prematurely anticipatory sweat' myself.

Alternate hypothesis: Teodor has particularly nimble lice, and a few made the jump mid-panel.

... I find your hypothesis both compelling and chubby.

Nahh.
It's just been raining. On his face.

*If you think they are tears, turn to page 27.

*If you think they are harlequin-style makeup, turn to page 34.

Ray is, in fact, crying.

Stop yelling at me! A BLOO BLA BLOOO! A BLOO BLOO BLOOOOOOO! BLOO BLOO!

I hope he blubbers in front of Ramses. Jesus Christ, boy.

Do my tears surprise you sir?
Fuckin' A man.
Strong men also cry, strong men also cry.

Yeah, he said to just take any rug in the house.

Yessir they do

Great use of the Mozart requiem, that scene.

I'd say he's just opened his eyes very wide, congruent with the extreme raise in eyebrows.

So he has dimples for his eyes the way people get dimples when they smile?

Oh you do NOT have an advice dog avatar. That is a downright shame.

Whatever man, new memes are nothing to be shunned.

My hypothesis is that Ray is so shocked that his glasses pop up a lil bit and reveal his eyes. . . Or he is crying.

Yeah, that's certainly what it is. If he were crying, there'd be more than one tear each eye. His tear ducts don't hold the fuck back like that, they rip it hard.

Perhaps some of T�odor's filth got on him?

Either that or Ray is just god-awful wall-eyed!

No, they are his eyes. Look at his eyebrows in that panel and the previous one. His eyebrows shot up so far at the sight of Dad, that his glasses rode up too, and exposed his eyes. Ha!

Those are more likely a sort of movement lines, the like of which Todd has around him... permanently.

So, er

Did Ray just not notice Ramses was there the entire wedding?

I did notice Ramses' eyebrows are back. But then, eight seconds with Pat will likely put eyebrows on anyone.

ABILITY MAN:

He puts BROWS on your EYES.

They said he was gay.
He said he would prove it.

He was too busy helping Philippe get cleaned up to notice until now.

I hope that's a new jacket, Ray. You ain't wanna be standing before Ramses Luther smellin' of otter micturations.

Ray has many jackets prepared for such an occasion, all of them matching, several of them having a picture of an 8 ball on the back in case the occasion should present itself.

Chubbied for both awesome avatar and judicious use of the word "micturations."

A cat like Ramses is seen when he's damn well ready to be seen and not a moment before.

i don't think ray is good at paying attention

Roast Beef is how Ray pays attention and as it's Beef's party, Ray is flying blind.

I refer you to this strip:
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D12112007

(that was just too good an opportunity)

The first three panels are the best thing.

I'd sympathize with Pat if he wasn't such a jerkass about it.

The meat sandwich chain would sympathize with the vegetarian?

Not "meat sandwiches".

Roast beef.

Thanks for clearing that up, arbys. Can I just say, beef 'n cheddar melts? Big fan!

YOU AND ME BOTH, DOC!

i have had whoper

Come on, do you like 2 eat pizza?

that's some alarming alliteration!

Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?

They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with Cheese?

No, they got the metric system there, they wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.

we should have shotguns for this shit...

What do they call it?

a 113 gram...mer?

Everyone was doing so well.

When you drove up here.. Did you see a sign that said "Dead N-" nevermind.

I felt so clever the day I realized that an Arby sandwich was an RB, or roast beef. I thought I'd share and gloat a bit.

I admire your self-esteem. When I have a realization like that, my thoughts are more along the lines of "Duh! Why didn't you think of that before."

Thanks for ruining my day. I'll never be able to eat at Arby's again. :(

This is not a bad thing necessarily.

Shoot, that is not my intent. I'm just contrasting your healthy thoughts with my not-so-healthy thoughts. No sarcasm intended, and I want you to enjoy Arby's to your heart's content.

"Meat sandwich" is just asking for a vagina joke. Which, I'm sorry to say, I just can't provide. But I can reference said joke, thus preventing anyone else from making it.

Yo mama's meat sandwich is a beef 'n cheddar melt

oh man... I think I just threw up a bit.

MEAT SANDWHICH

thank you sir, these were exactly my thoughts. GWAR!!!

They've got guitars. They'll eat your car.

You can have momma at a rate of 5 for $5

Yo mama's meat sandwich is a tuna salad...

Was that too much? I think it was too much.

Yo mama's meat sandwhich
is a tuna salad sandwhich
and a tuna salad sandwhich don't stop.

That implies that she has thick, viscous orangey goo slowly dribbling out of it. It also may be better with some Arby sauce and curly fries.

Yeah, I don't like the jerkasses either. When I was younger, sure, ok, but not so much these days.

Did you notice how sad Pat's bread roll looks? It's all like; "Aw, don't be eating me you jackass vegan man." :(

In all fairness he wasn't initially being a dick about it. Ramses pushed him and even when he did respond I'd say he did so in the least dickish way it is possible for Pat to respond. He certainly could have gone off a lot more.

The first three panels are an awesome thing, but the guy from the county is the best thing.

Is it a shame
Yes

(there is no 'No' option)

This is a pretty big step forward for Beef; considering his own death a bad thing and all. Not too long ago the form would have looked like:

Was the death:
[_] Tragic (accidentally shot by Navy SEALs when taken hostage during bank robbery)
[_] Heroic (crushed while protecting group of schoolchildren from stampeding escaped zoo creatures e.g. llamas)
[X] Ironic (died of heart attack while participating in charity fun run dressed as giant angry cigarette)
[_] Pathetic (broke neck falling from stepladder after adjusting crooked-hanging signed and framed photograph of Jonathan Frakes)

Was the county inconvenienced by his passing.
[X] The boy did have the good sense to organise and label his financial papers and leave them clearly visible
[_] Affairs were in order but he died on a golf course and no carts were available for transportation of the body; coroners forced to fold his corpse into a caddy
[_] Damn fool had outstanding video rentals and died on the can

Will he be missed.
[_] TIME magazine will mourn his passing
[_] Friends will raise a glass to his memory but may struggle to recall his name
[_] His lady will be sad but he was insured at least
[X] Not too much no sir

Oh shiiiit
[ ] Y
[X] N

Nicely put. Only I thought he was thinking that Molly's death (and subsequent spell in the bathtub) was a shame? Still, have a chub.

Shit, you're right! Plus I totally misused the word "caddy". Maybe I was lamed by an angry golfer. Or by someone whose children were crushed by llamas (not funny, not cool, not a good comment).

I will now imagine your chest as black and white. I hope it's representative of Fact.

Marriage is one of those unusual contracts where if done correctly both partners hope to go out at the same time. I have imagined more or less the same thing as Beef. I take it most marriaging people do as well, plus or minus the catheter.

Is it a shame? You could do worse than a mostly incoherent week.

Oh Beef, there you go again, forgetting about the good times...

DAMMIT I MADE ALL THESE POTATOES

Great portfolio!

Cheers like, I am currently very dismayed that two people found my boobs lame D:

It was probably because they would have felt uncomfortable about commenting on boobs with a chubby.

It must have been Pat using two accounts.

Your boobs are the Opposite of Lame. Those who lamed you would have done so because you linked to a personal site of yours, thus making Assetbar less anonymous and, arguably, less intellectual/arty.

Meanwhile, I like yo skillz wif a camera and stuff. And the fact that you actually take a lot of photos! Not enough people do that. Like, we go "oh, that'd be cool to take a photo of" but then it never happens. The fact that you do it, and then pull out good lookin' stuff, is commendable. And more specifically, I like your use of lighting, particuarly the "smoke" photo.

Also, I tried to chubby you, but wasn't able to do it anymore. Don't take it personally, baby. It just happens sometimes, you know?

I did the deed for ya.

Would seem the chubby got snaked. Penis

it... got what?

Man, awesome, I just got a soft-off from BRUCE CAMPBELL. What a way to start the day!

i didn't lame you, but i think it's the fact that you chose to make them your avatar. not your boobs themselves.

Yeah that actually makes lots of sense! I did do that, but only when quite drunk and In The Spirit Of Experimentation (just after the handfacething), and then I guess when I was sober it just struck me as a sort of retarded and funny thing to have done so I left it... yeah this story isn't making me sound any better is it. So my point is yes I can see how that would make me look like a tool. Well, I suppose I should say a tit. Ho ho. I do still fancy a break from Ultra Peanut though, much as she suits me.
I will find something else... stand by for inaction!

(I did make one of Nice Pete's father with the shrinking head, but it freaks me out too much :\)

We demand the return of your boobs.

Or at least loan them to us

We will bring them back in mint condition, we promise.

YOU GUYS, come on you guys, a squid is totally cooler than my boobs. And sort of rarer! Well, er, hmm, a rarer sight in my life, that is to say.

Wait, wait, Google old chum, back me up here...

Results 1 - 10 of about 471,000 for "a squid"
Results 1 - 10 of about 2,490,000 for "my boobs"

See? My boobs is common.

I am the Great Portfolio! I need TP for my bunghole!

Reader, I lolled.

Are you trying to be Jane Eyre right now?

I was inspired by a chill terror. OMG.

Oh yes I am! It's sort of embedded somewhere deep into my psyche as my mother made me read it as a youngin.

Anyway, speaking of books - nice fucking prose, dude! In your novelextract, I mean. I am a terrible correspondent to not have told you this before. I think I was trying to think I would definitely sit down and do you a proper review, but between the French and the priest and the moments of clarity and the sea and everything, just too much Stuff has been happening in my life lately. Anyway. I will try to do something approaching one and will email you or something. But rest assured that it will be Favourable!

Niiice.

Aliiis.. I am a fan of you.** You've got a great body of work there- really great color and texture mixes.. nicely evocative.

**(Sorry to be all stalkeristic- I'm just an art nerd, couldn't help but look around when I saw beautiful stuff like that)

Wow gosh er hmm thanks! I will just be here looking at my feet and maybe scuffing my toe around in the dirt a bit! (and well done you for not compulsively adding 'WA-HEY' after saying 'great body of work', as everyone I know would)

Wait for it..... waaaaait for iiiiiit....

Wa-HaaaaaY!

Nah, sincere compliment, not sleezy line. :)

heh, thanks (again), although Jay & Bob WA-HAY-ing forever is very pleasing also!

You are a true artiste - veddy nice!

(Also, tasty set of fun bags. If I come busting inta th' room all with a sheet cake, don't think nothin' of it.)

It is true. I have been moved emotionally by a cat talking about a tube in his johnson. This is the power of achewood.

I don't think it's lame of me to say I need to use that phrase in real life. Or maybe it is and I don't care either way.

God, I love you Ramses.

Another day, another fivepence-none-the-shilling...

Ummm... Ray... I can smell your desperation. You're using the diction of a lost little boy.

He's in for dissapointment. Guy is not one for sticking around, or pandering to the wishes of little boys.

Poor Ray.

Of goddamn course it's a goddamned shame.

Roast Beef isn't the least bit offended by Vlad's comment because a friend who screams "tonight, we drink!" when you fall on bad lady times is so valuable. Anybody can do it, but witness the bitter enthusiasm and conviction summoned just because of one hint in that direction. He'd be an indispensable ally if you suddenly had a worst case scenario to cope with.

Is that lint accumulation as a manifestation of Teodor's stuffed-animal stress?

It looks a lot more like all-over-the-head stubble. Which makes... no sense at all.

Exhaustion manifest in little...head..dots?

I think it might be Emeril's dandruff...

teodor dunked his head in some dippin dots the ice cream of the future

there is also a candy named "dots"

That is so true.

It's true, they really are the ice cream of the future.

You want normal ice cream?

Fuck you, it's the future.

Tomorrow has parked a Mr. Softee truck outside your window today!

ding-ding ding-ding ding-ding ding-ding ding-ding-ding!

(That's "fuck you" in Mr. Softee's future-language.)

This thread made me audibly chortle.

I would LOVE to watch you inaudibly chortle.

Wow... that reads a bit wrong doesn't it. Oh well. I stand by the premise.

I'll send you the mp3

It's OK, I have the subscription to your service.

*oooh la la*

I will say with 100% conviction that any friend who drunkenly drapes his arm across your shoulder and responds to the barest hint of "bad times" news with a furious "TOOOONIIIIIGHT WEEEEE DRIIIINK!" is worth keeping around. At least until you're out of AA.

As long as it's only a drunken draping.

Not coincidentally, jail is full of friends like this.

Yeah, I used to be the go-to guy when my friends broke up and needed to drink it out. Then again, that was at least partly because in those days I was the only one with a real job -- I could afford the beer.

I feel like Vlad's the kind of passionate soul who can really enjoy a good evening of sorrow drinking.

I really want to see Vlad get his own arc that involves a single night of him wandering around The Underground in search of someone or something, in a daze of rage and passion, not certain whether he will commit a horrible crime when he finds it or fall to his knees and praise God, like many a character out of Dostoevsky.

It looks alllmost like Ray's damn glasses popped off in surprise and those are his tiny, tiny pixel eyes. Creepy.

If that is the case then Ray has some serious eyebrow-eyeball dissonance. If that is the case then those things ain't even in the same area code.

Maybe he has the drawn-on eyebrows of a Mexican goth chick.

Or my grandma.

He's your grandma? That would... wow, all my discomfort about that idea kind of dissolved into envy when I thought that Ray would have birthed one of your parents.

Oh, wait, now it's back because that IS in fact disturbing.

Serious disconnect! I mean my grandma has drawn-on eyebrows. I am not the grandspawn of a cartoon cat!

....it would be a LITTLE aweshum though.

Don't tempt me to revise my own creation myth. I'll do it. I swear.

A cartoon cat who once SOLD his eyes!

That strip was non-canon why can't you SEE?

Oh my God is your grandma Tammy Faye Bakker?

Why do you dress like one of those goth chicks, huh? You...you do it to embarrass me?

Cornelius Bear may be a Bad Ass bear, but he was lucky Ramses wasn't there for the Bad Ass Games.

Bah! The judges would have been biased. Connie would have been the real winner.

As far as I know Cornelius hasn't run out on any of his kids either. Cornelius would win the, "I'm ready to handle adult responsibility" Game.

...or we find out why Ramses HAD to leave. I think I just excited myself with possibility.

Maybe it was a Waco Kid sort of thing

Like everybody kept challenging him to fights

And one day he hears somebody behind him say "put up your dukes", and he turns around with fists ready, and just as he's about to throw a bonecrushing punch he sees it's a six-year-old kid

So he had to leave to protect his family from the possibility of his being in prison for beating up a kid

Or something

This thing sorta got away from me

Theories in the Mist

There are many Theories in our midst.

Just admit that this barest wisp of a theory sprang forth from the proverbial loins of your overwhelming desire to make a Blazing Saddles reference.

It didn't have to be Blazing Saddles. Any Mel Brooks movie would've relieved the pressure.

Er, so to speak.

I like that one where he's a deaf guy and he's best friends with a blind guy and they're convicted of a murder and they're like "I CAN'T SEE!" "WHAT"

Feygeles?
No, we're straight, just merry.

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?"

I'm pretty sure Mel Brooks had nothing to do with See no Evil, Hear no Evil. Achtung Baby!

DAMN YOUR EYES!!

TOO LATE!
[IMGS OFF]

Oh this is nearly a whole day after the initial post, terrible, terrible, terrible.

no, still awesome, awesome, awesome

(not a Mel Brooks movie) Although it is a Gene Wilder movie. And it's got Richard Pryor.. so it's still a thumbs up.

Would he win any challenge other than "intimidate a dog" and "convince a career criminal you've done time"? He ain't a man of cookin' and I can't imagine him choosing any of the provided options for car, being just satisfied with his mustang. He wouldn't drive any car shaped like a ding dong.

Ramses would just glare at flour and water and the two would say to themselves, "Oh shit time to become bread".

Quote:

He ain't a man of cookin'...

If you had paid attention a few strips ago, both he and Molly's father discussed at hell of length the ins and outs of making bread - the exact thing that was contested in the B.A.G.

Quote:

Ramses would just glare at flour and water and the two would say to themselves, "Oh shit time to become bread".

The Man With Blood On His Hands facts are the new Chuck Norris Facts.

Ramses Luther Stubbs' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No-one fools Ramses.

I totally called it.

Their discussion of bread-making was rather centered on automated bread making, but I do see your point. They have been to the summit and they have SEEN the hell that is baking; they never want Beef and Molly to suffer like that.

He's been to the mountaintop? And he has not seen the promised land?

[IMGS OFF]

Hey, man. My best friend was black. Not clever, not funny, not a good asset.

I chubbied both of you. One for a really funny image and one outta mad respect for Dr. King.

Looks like this guy has never been on the internet before.

Everyone bombard him with images he will find offensive.

[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]

Ohh no! Not Tails!

Dude the Jesus pic is one of the most awesome ever.

I love that pic. Also...

[IMGS OFF]

Is best lol, made for most hardest chubby.

Great job on assuming you speak for an entire culture, which is really too fragmented and disparate to constitute a real "unity." Also Ray is a cartoon cat.

I tried to chubby you, but I'm too friendly after the chub fest after and including the late, great racial justice, anti-war, and labor activist Dr. MLKJ.

Also I'm drunk.
I wuv yooooo

*~* Black America's feelings on this purported lack of unity are: Mixed *~*

Yeah, no, he's just sort of a dick. The man spent all day shouting at a register woman in a mid-level furnishings chain, fronts like he's never heard of vegetarians or three-syllable words before for the sole purpose of intimidating a smaller, weaker, younger man, and complained the ear off some guy he's never met about his yoga impotence. With the sole exception of the lopsided ass-beatings (waged off-camera and with no defensible pretext), he couldn't outperform Sondra in the Badass Games, let alone Cornelius Bear.

Sheesh, the imagination on this kid.

Oh come on. Did you hear that verbal ass-kicking. T'was epic. Next time someone talks shit I'm gonna threaten their life and call them a "word-style hero." Which is a great phrase for most self-righteous cowards.

Word-Style Hero: The brand new rhythm game by Neversoft!

EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN!

Frat room conversations will now be more like this:
Dude 1: Duude, I totally can't get past Dickens on career mode. Bitch was all conjugating crazy-like.
Dude 2: p-shaw, I've done Moby Dick on Expert. Noob.
Dude 3: Have you effin tried the Micheal Chabon bonus piece?! I've had nightmares!

The end-boss is Anthony Burgess.

Up Up Right Down Triangle Square Left Left unlocks the Molly Bloom section of Ulysses, quick before Jack Thompson finds out.

right on! someone that says 'square' instead of 'box'!

Who the fuck says box?

Someone of low mind who don't understand the first thing about Hideo Kojima's postmodernism that's what.

Chubbied just for seeing Hideo Kojima's name.

I... I have a problem. I'm sorry.

i follow in this man's weak-style footstepping. Kojima. Is. Rad!

If ,like most people, you haven't read Ulysses, here is the extract that I was talking about. Check it out, it is only three sentences.

This is why most people haven't read Ulysses.

This is nothing compared to Finnegan's Wake. Trust me.

Oops, I put the apostrophe in. Force of habit.

Bleech, phtooey, eye-hurting run-on whaaaaaa ... !

Here's a potentially contraversial remark. I heavily disliked Ulysses as a whole. It had some amazing moments but Joyce was far too much of a literary nerd to write a coherent piece. I suppose it's place is for other literary nerds. Apparently I don't measure up to that title.

this is the first time i've ever lamed anyone because i disagreed with them i think...i'm sorry loneal...my actions charged ahead of my thoughts

I understand completely.

I JUST LAMED YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I HEAR IF YOU ACT LIKE A JERK WOMEN LOVE YOU BACL ;9

Classy.

I would also have to disagree with that. But I won't lame you because a) I haven't had any lames in months, and b)I respect your opinion.

How did you barely get through Dubliners? That's easily Joyce's most lucid and accessible work.

I am sorry that my reading level is not up to your standards, postblank. I will try harder not to disappoint you in the future.

You've misread my tone, I'm curious as to what it was about Dubliners that made it such an effort and seemingly not worth it.

It was boring.

That's not saying much, really.
How did I miss this thread? I lik eJoyce. What a well-read internet community.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man wasn't incoherent. The first few chapters are his childhood, written like a child. After that it's not difficult to read, though a little pedantic at places where he just puns for a paragraph.

The problem is, Joyce is my main man, and I really enjoyed Ulysses. Though I make no claims on Finnegan's Wake. James Joyce: the man with exponential difficulty levels

Show me a person who has read and understood Finnegan's Wake in less than a year, and I will show you a fucking lying asshole. Fuck that book.

I own that book purely to prove to myself that not all books are meant to be read.

I feel my pedant status has been challenged so I'm going to just throw this little factoid out there: There is no apostrophe in Finnegans Wake.

chubbied because men can circle jerk and it's not gay

basically i hear people fapping all over James Joyce, can someone tell me if it is ACTUALLY worth the investment.

Dude was basically crazy but he writes well. All of y'all hating on Joyce need to remember the CRAFT of writing when you read it.

Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that craft stuff, and I recognize that Joyce was a far better writer than I'll ever be. Doesn't mean I have to enjoy reading him.

Got to agree with loneal here. I spent quite a while analysing and studying the craft of writing. Some craft I'm not into... I enjoy macrame, but not knitting. Crazy.

Pretty much I just read it (and Ulysses) at random and try to see if I can get some of the puns.

I would have said James Joyce, but Chubby for another awesome suggestion.

I have a feeling David Foster Wallace would be out in full force in this game.

The major challenge of his section would be adding a footnote discussing the etymology of the word "supine" in relation to the discovery of Ketamine in the context of Thomas Kincaid's body of work. This footnote would be appended to a piece about Hydroplane races.

V-chub. Nice. I love DFW but the guy is so hilariously pretentious without even trying. Which makes it entertaining and why it's so adorable reading. If you get my meaning.

good stuff, although im not sure that frat boys say "noob"

Quote:

Word-Style Hero: The brand new rhythm game by Neversoft!

EDWELL EDWELL EDWELL MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN!

Well, I tried, but their spokesman convinced me that a text-oriented game just wouldn't sell in the age of Rockstar and Rock Band.

UNLESS... we dial up a universe where technology's behind by a quarter century... [retrieves multiversal remote from rec room]

[IMGS OFF]

Fact: 63% of "Pro Prosodist 4" reviewers punned on "Great Expectations" in the headline. Every last one thought themselves tremendously clever.

Lame me if you will, but I am making a post to celebrate having the first chubby on an Edwell post. I'll take the punishment I am due.

If I only had a chubby to give!

He had 1,932 last time I looked, so I'm sure he won't miss yours. (Not like Loneal does.)

loneal loves every chubby she can get her tiny hands on. Che can't get enough chubbies. She will take them from anyone, for any reason

Anywhere.

Instant regret! Just add pointless interjection.

Oh, i_love_kate, did you regret your comment? I liked your comment for the following reasons.
1) it added even more dirtiness to hedonismbot's dreadful allegory
2) it gave the pleasing impression of Fry and Bender sort of ganging up on a pineapple

Are we talking about me or Mr. Guevara? This is all very confusing.

Hedonismbot is casting sly aspersions. He reminds us that whenever you are around, Mr. Guevara is conveniently missing, and vice versa.

Like I need an English major pointing out my typos. Just be glad I managed to type anything coherent at all while masturbating furiously.

loneal once got 6 chubbies at the same time

Man everyone needs to just start chubbying the hell out of this. Just a straightup cavalcade of chubbies. I want to see more chubbies on this post than there are penguins in a nature documentary narrated by David Attenborough.

The bad doctor types the truth

Dan Brown is rated easier than Curious George... fantastic.

Accurate

I noticed this also, and I found it gratfying that I wasn't the only one who may have put it aside after a page or two.

This was the best thing. The set up post, the images, the sudden jump in difficulty.

You sir, are a rad poster.

Love that child with his starburst background.

WHO'S AWESOME
YOU'RE AWESOME

Holy Christ, man.

I would chubby it from several diffrent IPs if the microphone, sunglasses, and child were included. Man, the 90s!

I like it, but I still think "god damned entree-wanting organism" is the greatest insult ever.

God I love veglegons. It's like wrestling a bag of doritos. Crunchcrunch!

I'm no vegulon but I wouldn't dream of telling someone what they should eat. It's just... rude. Crass, even. So I find myself in the uncomfortable position of sympathizing with Pat rather than Ramses. What... what the hell is wrong with me?

You're not eating enough meat.

[IMGS OFF]

oh my god i wish i could afford that.

*a joke about the veggie chicks Hedonismbot is fuckin', and how they truly love the meat*

HEYO!

*or that they, as you say, "[aren't] eating enough meat", thereby implying that Hedon is lacking in the pants and indeed specifically his proficiency with his love-utensil*

Mmmmmmm... Beeeeeeeeeeef.

That beef looks awful lean... I don't know I'd pay much for something like that. No marbling. I like my beef with good marbling. I have more give during sex.

Yeah sure, watch me set up a steakfucking joke then tank it in the homestretch. I'm nobody's picnic

It happens. Have a consolation chub.

yeah, you can get real nice off that stuff

I could never give up steak.

I can see in the next strip, Pat will be chewing forlornly on some meat product or other, as Smuckles Pater glowers at him.

In one of the blogs, he said that he ate a bit of beef because the doctor told him to or something. So he's already not a strict vegetarian; why he got to be rude about the fact no one made him anything? I'm vegetarian, but I never expect people to "accommodate my needs." I just eat the salad and shut up.

Man it is the 00s. Everyone has to accommodate your needs at all times.

Except airports.

hell of chubby, yo.

Agreed, there are usually options available that will work and pat is just sort of a jerk about things. Unless your needs are actual needs (such as lactose intolerance or something along those lines) you are probably going to have to be ready to accept that not everyone will be able to feed you.

I feel that Ramses would not have been so hard on Pat had Pat not acted as if he was automatically entitled to special treatment.

Seems to me like Pat didn't start acting dickish about the menu till Ramses noticed his plate and made much of it.

I'll stand up for the champ and say initially he wasn't crapping on Pat's veganism. He just pointed out that the guy wasn't eating much and wouldn't be able to drink properly. He only got hostile when Pat complained about 'modern diet' concerns. He should have lied and said he ate too much breakfast, or has a parasite, or has the nastiest case of the squirts ever. Ramses would have shaken his head, sighed, and gone on with things quietly.

Don't give in, Pat!

He doesn't have to give in but I agree with thegoblins he needs to shut the fuck up. If you make a lifestyle choice you gotta adapt to the environment, not demand it adapts to you.

v-chubb, indeed.

It's sort of a presence thing, you know? It'd take stones to pull that on Nice Pete, but screwing with Pat is just obvious, crass, and unnecessary. He's so eminently pathetic; it's like slapping a petulant child. The situation calls for sneers and later derision.

All of this kind of points to him winning the GOF by simply beating down a lucky succession of asses; the man has science but no style. He thinks three dollars is a good price for wine.

It's a good thing none of his many children have ever spent five consecutive minutes with him. Emperor: nude.

I see a future where Ray lays out Ramses for preparing to leave Sondra again. This is why Ramses is being a dick in this strip, his character is beginning to turn from "face" to "heel". A lot of people will say but Pat is a dick, but if you are a dick to a dick you are still being a dick, a that is some dickish behaviour.

Yeah, I think at this point if someone were a dick to Ramses the universe would slowly begin to collapse on itself.

Or, y'know, Ramses would knock their ass down. Even if the guy is a dick, he still has fists like motors.

Chubbied for apparent insight.

Getting a chubby in anticipation of Onstad confounding expectations.

Highly unlikely, yet possible: enraged Pat shoots Ramses for coercing him to become a co-oppressor in the meat-industrial complex.

Pat only seems to shoot the most inappropriate targets.

Well, someone got shot at the wedding...

A v-chub for using wrestling jargon, and in such a way that the unknowledgable would get what you mean.

V-chub. I want this to happen reeeeal bad.

I think it depends on your expectations. Ramses does not have the flair and class of Cornelius, but he is not Cornelius, and does not want to be. If you imagine a socially awkward, two-fisted, strong and silent man of deeds, then Ramses is the paradigm of such a man. He's no sort of father but you'd be damn lucky to have him next to you in a machine gun nest. The fact that his children will always end up hating him is part of his magnificent pathos. It's not as though the man ran off to be happy on a beach in Bali; he's probably spent the last fifteen years eating beef jerky and listening to country and western. Some dudes are too hard to be happy, and only bring pain to those who try to love them.

I kind of picture him just walking the Earth like Caine in Kung Fu. You know, meeting people, getting into adventures.

Quote:

Some dudes are too hard to be happy, and only bring pain to those who try to love them.

[IMGS OFF]

I don't know what this is. I don't know if what you've shown me means anything.

Agreed. That appears to be Heath Ledger standing by a bee-sting victim. Maybe it is from real life? I don't know.

It is from a movie that should have won Best Picture but Crash got it instead.

Wow, thanks for making this require multiple Google searches to figure out...

Okay, looks like Crash (whatever that is) won Best Picture in 2006...

And it looks like Brokeback Mountain was also nominated for that award in the same year.

And I will acknowledge that I knew without Google that Heath Ledger was in Brokeback Mountain.

So apparently it's Brokeback Mountain.

Now, to figure out who that pufferfish in the wedding dress is.

Seems "Alma" was the name of Heath's character's wife in the movie. (Sounds Mormon, but that's for other searches, other times!)

Now let's go back to the IMDB listing ... who played "Alma" ...

Ah! Michelle Johnson. Never heard of her, but here she is looking uncomfortable around America's Philip Seymour Hoffman:

[IMGS OFF]

FAIL due to bandwidth hoseclamps - suffice it to say her eyes are nearly swollen shut from the bee stings

Alternatively you could have right clicked on the picture and seen that its location is like "aol.com/brokebackmountain/heathledger." Also, I think her name is Michelle Williams?

never said I could read, baby

Michelle Williams, wife of Heath Ledger's gay character in the movie, mother of his children in real life. He died earlier this year after becoming estranged from her, making the photo posted above both poignant and apropos. Squared, or cubed, or something.

Is saulbellow Todd without a TV? Tune in next time for a special expose on Entertainment Tonight.

Saul Bellow never said he could read

Isn't Philip Seymour Hoffman America's Philip Seymour Hoffman?

yes, it was so true I had to say it

so you didn't see a movie that almost every american went out and saw, but you confuse a common (old tymie) name for something it is not, and no one would think sounds "mormon" unless you actually were/raised/are LDS.

baffling

so how are The Jazz doing this year?

Actually the only reason I know (or think) Alma is Mormon is that I have a Mormon friend whose middle name is Alma and I asked him about it once.

As to the other stuff, well, I'm stupid.

What the are you going on about with the beesting thing, Saul? I loved Henderson the Rain King, but jeez, she is just like a normal looking lady. You can't go around expecting no Angelina Jolie round every corner, now.

Michelle Williams' face has character, while Angelina Jolie increasingly resembles a caricature of herself.

I WISH I COULD QUIT YOUUUU!

I just can't get by on a few high altitude fucks a year......

TOO SOON

hey man whut?

it's a gag based on the content of the movie, not to do with the man in real life...

get it yet, tekende? (It's not that funny of a joke, anyway.)

(I'm not actually upset.)

(me neither)

(I've also been much funnier than this.)

Outside: Dude I'm sorry we had an internet humor misunderstanding.

Inside: It must be sick as hell to be getting this card from a dude.

The only way to end this is if one of you actually mocks Heath Ledger's actual death.

Don't worry guys, I got this one

[IMGS OFF]

This just reminded me that yearsinhotclaws' presence has been sorely lacking lately.

Hmm, maybe he eloped with autrepoupee.

Aww, I love you to, Alex.

I refuse to speak to you until you post something grotesque and offensive.

Shaye St. John? I don't know man, I can't come up with anything on my own atm.

You don't get an autrething without a legitimate ring!

ALSO WHAT MAKES THIS A THEORY

Nope, sorry, I don't get it, but I didn't see Brokeback Mountain and don't really intend to ever (because it doesn't interest me, not because it is about gay cowboys).

Yea, I hear you. My reason for not seeing it was that I wouldn't go see a movie about two straight cowboys in love either.

I would pay to see John Wayne kiss Fess Parker, though.

Oh my God, Pogo, is that your mug shot?

I suppose it could be, if I had been booked recently. But it was actually taken at a Basia Bulat concert in Milwaukee by my fiancee, and it's a nice shot, I just can't get it to load here very well, so I am accepting the blurriness and starkness for now. It seems to fit my online persona pretty well.

Your online persona is a rapist?

Correct.

He's a therapist. Totally different. Therapist. There's nothing wrong with Pogo being an anal therapist.

Is he the world's first COMBINED Analyst/Therapist? Good ol' Pogo the Analrapist.

Not the first, no.

The fact about the movie business or any popular culture, really, is that there can be a huge hit and 95% of the public does not have to be involved. Thus with Brokeback Mountain. I don't go to the movies much, and when I do, it's usually for laughs. Which I heard were minimal in Brokeback although I guess one of the guys is named Skippy or Wayne or something. I forget.

Let me tell you this: It's a lot better than Crash.

So.. Ramses = Hemingway.

No, not country and western, look at how he dresses, Rockabilly or Psychobilly all the way. He's even got the god awful goatee and wristband.

I'd say he's closer to the blues/country/rockabilly side of the spectrum.

Ramses wouldn't listen to psychobilly. "Too much damn hollerin' about zombies and the night, not enough telling stories about cars and booze."

Ramses plays the same effortless trick that Ray pulls off, only on the rest of us.

But I like the Emperor best when he's nude.

It's a phase we all go through at some time in our life, like puberty. It will pass and you'll start disagreeing with Pat again.

Speaking as an unwilling vegetarian: voluntary vegulons need to shut the hell up and eat a cheeseburger. Who in their right mind would want to have their menu options limited to three things, two of which are french fries?

Unwilling?

I get sick. Something about enzymes? I eat a steak, it's like a normal person eating a block of styrofoam - my body can't break it down, and freaks out. So explained my doctor, when I was but a wee Wilto.

It amounts to a lot of potatoes and frustrated restaurant experiences, is the bottom line.

"Dad? Did the Angels win the pennant?"

Ramses does kick much rich ass.

Give me your answer,
fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?

I met a Vlad once - almost impossible to shake that grasping arm of friendship.

Pat is a dick, and The Man With Blood on His Hands will not put up with that. No, sir.

She may have been dead for six days and in the same house, no doubt well and truly decomposing, but at least he's got some action on his Johnson.

Dear God I hate myself

I'm fairly sure Beef's talking about a catheter.

As am I, but clinical action is the best sorta Johnson action he can hope for at such a time as that.

Well, I suppose that having the comforting feel of soft supple plastic jammed straight up your urethra is what little consolation we men can look forward to in our twilight years.

He's all like "Oh yeah baby, compensate for my failing kidneys, that's what I like"

Beats reeking of your own stale urine, I suppose.

I plan on drowning my end days in much cheap tequila and natty lights, so I'll definitely need one (with a huge cath bag - I'm thinking something wheeled)

I don't know if spirits and tobacco make your pee-bags go awry as much as they impact your liver.

natty light is a cheap beer, and i think he means he's just going to have to piss a lot, and be too incapacitated to go physically use the toilet.

Sorry dudes, but if anyone needs to get their ass kicked, it's Pat.

Also, look at Emeril. What kind of expression is that? I know there's fear in there, but it's just...

That is the face of a man contemplating women in downward dog sweating and farting in a 105 degree room.

As a Melungeon, Emeril has a complicated face. It seems like he is smiling conversationally - not a common trait among modern Californians, but he is from stock with thoughts to occupy them between responses.

It is actually kind of unnerving to talk to people who do not provide continuous acknowledgement. Although with his past track record I sort of expect that Ramses would appreciate it - mistakes it for awe, takes awe for granted.

He's contemplating the fate of his sweet congee. Ramses lost him ten minutes ago.

I'm pretty sure Emeril didn't initiate the conversation, either. But now he's trapped into hearing about Ramses' workout regimen with no way of escape save something terribly dramatic such as a fake epileptic seizure.

Chubbied simply because the sweet congee panel makes me laugh every time I see it.

GAH! I'm seizin'! No Es Bueno!!!

He's so shaken up that he spilled dandruff all over his shoulder.

It appear that the guy from the county's job consists mainly of putting down dogs and cleaning up after cats with catheters. Not pleasant, but possibly a step up from my current employment.

I think I fived this for fear of becoming RLS industrialized slaughter. It was quite a good strip though.

Ramses is also secretly R.L.Stine

I used to be the chainsaw player for Industrialized Slaughter of Life.

Question: Do chainsaw players still call it an "axe"?

I sympathize with Ray on this one. Having family members that you don't expect randomly show up at life changing events is harsh news, no matter what the circumstance. I found out that I had a sister at my grandma's funeral and let me tell you, that stole poor nana's thunder a little bit.

I want a robot like Vlad on my side when it comes time for some hard drinking and crying.

The best thing about Vlad in this strip is that he gets so worked up that he wrinkles his metal.

Teodor is a broken, broken, man.
Face all frozen, big blank eyeballs like two piss holes in the snow.
Bettered at the one thing he thought he did well by the Saunders boys.
Poor, poor zombie Teodor, he knows he has failed.

It's alright. Sooner or later Roastbeef will notice his situation, and take a break from the reception to wheel him off to a little cottage hospital for defrocked priests and disappointed cooks and the like. Then Beef will leave on his honeymoon and one of the nurses will give Teodor a puzzle to do. He won't actually put any of the pieces together, just push them around the baize card table. Over time he will learn to move around and speak once more, but his laugh will never have joy in it again. Soon he'll be just another little old man in an overcoat several sizes too big, shuffling down the street to buy milk and brown sherry.

...in Santa Cruz.

Jesus Christ, boy!

Notice how one hand quaveringly reaches towards Ray's martini, as if Teodor no longer cares whose drink it is; he _just needs that drink_.

V-chub for "two piss holes in the snow"

It's like he flashed back to those wonderful breasts that are burned into the core of his soul

Pat should mark this day in his diary. Ramses Luther Smuckles laid hands on him yet he survived. Very few men can make such a claim.

Why are you so sure he survived? Pat's not around after panel three...

That's a very good point you raise. Yet something tells me that Ramses has too much character to spoil Beef's big day with a beatdown no matter how richly deserved.

YOU CANDY-ASS WORD-STYLE HERO

what did you do to make the eagle cry WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Shh don't you know he doesn't like people talking about his eagle?

"This family spent its savings to feed you, son." Word to complaining wedding guests: It's not steak, and you expect steak at a wedding? The wedding cake is cupcakes and thus "doesn't count?" The open bar only serves wine and beer and you wanted a cocktail? You are getting fancy food and drink for FREE, paid for by your friends/family members. So STFU, why don't you?

Not that I'm bitter from experience or anything.

One of your family members just straight up demanded steak and cocktails at your wedding? That's bloody rude but at the same time it has a certain panache. It's certainly what Hemingway would have done.

You can get away with most anything if you do it with enough style and grace, but the problem here is that Pat doesn't have it. Pat doesn't even have sustainably-farmed Fair Trade cruelty-removed Panache-flavored textured soy imitation flair.

pat chooses to eat a bun and a violent celebrity does not wage peace

Replace pat with "the cat" and you've got a straight up old school Achewood alt text.

Well, I didn't hear actual complaints about the steak or booze, though I'm sure certain alcoholic family members had a tough night of it. The fucking cupcakes, though, were roundly dissed. It became a Thing. And the location -- in the city, instead of the suburbs -- and the ceremony itself (a Quaker wedding) were complained about loudly by my husband's entire family, who actually had us move up the dessert service so they could leave earlier. They also refused to dance, even though our DJ was really great.

After they left (we're talking like 25 people out of a 75-person wedding) the party, what was left of it, got a lot more fun. But my husbands' heart got a little broken. And I've been nursing a grudge ever since. I should really get over it, I know.

i would not blame you for continuing to hold a grudge. complaining is one thing, but rearranging the schedule to ditch out early is quite another.

I'm with you on the cupcakes. A well made one is every bit as good as cake, and is perfectly single serve. Also you can decorate in all sorts of cool ways with them. If I had my way, they would be the only form of cake we ate. Or made. Fucking hate making normal cakes. Kudos to you.

Last wedding I was at had red velvet cupcakes. Red velvet is as sexy as it sounds. As cupcakes, it conjures up the impression of the youthful sex I never had. It was a good wedding. I didn't get a cupcake, though.

1. cupcakes are amazing
2. Quakers are amazing, no, seriously, I love those guys

Also cities are amazing, really great DJs are amazing, and I sympathise cos I don't get on all that well with my partner's family, so I guess what I am trying to say here is wow, congratulations!

I would chub this a thousand times if I could. I've had no wedding, but I can relate.

I think this needed doing:

[IMGS OFF]

Oh man
That is mega-nasty
That is dog shit

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Apparently, it didn't need doing. Assetbar, I apologize to you. From, Westsider.

I will probably get in trouble if I reveal more than a snippet of this form:

[IMGS OFF]

saul-are they hiring where you work?

I suppose you could ask that of anyone that posts regularly here during the day. I create such as fake forms rather quickly - I amaze the knees, the potty runs out of the body, etc.

exactly... I wanna job making fake forms!

*lucky!*

All of the forms I make at work feel fake.

*copy/paste logo*

It is way too easy to look Official.

Listen, mate, you can make so-called "certificates" proof wha'eva you want!
[IMGS OFF]

Oh he he. I love that sketch! And David Mitchell!

I'm mean, it's all okay, right? I mean, everythings fine, yeah?

The new season of Peep Show is really good. Oh so good. Probably the funniest show ever.

Phillipe has been asking the wrong guy what the saddest thing is.

But let it be a high point in Beef's character note that he wouldn't tell Phillipe what the saddest thing is.

Remember that Lie Bot, by definition, lies.

Now that I think about it, why are we so sure that he's even a robot?

You wait. Years, from now I'll be linking back to this comment and shrieking "I called it!"

Edwell! How do I link to comments?

Click "Public View" in the sidebar at the top, click your total number of comments, then right-click the desired post and copy the link location.

("Sent" in the sidebar takes you directly to a list of your posts, only they aren't sorted by date. Forget it Jake; it's Assetbar.)

Thanks Edwell!

Vlad just knew the bitch was already talkin' about divorce.

What, no bloodshed yet? Let's get this party started.

Did anyone else suspect that Ramses' concern about Pat laying a 'base down for later' mean that he wants the whole gathering to carbo-load before he sets them all down to a night of solid, Graham Greene style whisky consumption.

That is exactly what I thought. When he finds out that Pat finds whisky to be uncouth then Ramses will have no choice but to lay hands on him.

Also Pat is clearly making a big show of things by taking only ONE roll, most likely in preparation for whining about how hungry he is later.

Eatin's Cheatin'.

I do like the image of wedding quests playing draughts with little whiskey bottles though.

Wedding quests?

I think I need to level up more before I go on one.

The country is dying because the King has been cuckolded by his best knight. We need the most pure among us to retrieve the Holy Grail, so it can be used a table decoration at the King's bastard son's wedding. We need you for this wedding quest Kid Galahad.

I like the way you combined a knowledge of Greene with a pickled titbit of Scouse drinking wisdom.

Teodor has had saucer-eyes since he woke up late from that nap.

Teodor has yet to wake up from that nap.

You know for a while I thought Achewood was going downhill, but now I think it's just changing. Chris Onstad is becoming more ambitious, really getting into the world and the dialects. All the strips are so long these days.

Maybe it's not as funny as it used to be, but damn if it hasn't deepened and widened out in scope.

Plus beef's line in panel six is funny as balls in a bucket. (That is to say, very funny)

It made me smile, but mixed with sadness also.

He's been dipping into this well a fair bit over the past few years. He'll move through the wedding thing, and get back to some funny singles, then do a Leon Sumbitches type thing, and wander around being funny in various ways for a while before he goes ambitious again.

A few years ago this would have been three separate strips.

I think it would be better as three separate strips, and if we had a five-strip-a-week schedule, so these discussion threads wouldn't get so huge.

I think that would depend on whose balls were in that bucket.

I love ham

Well don't just stand there with your butt on the back of your body - go get some from the buffet. Jesus Christ, boy.

Vlad and I see Molly the same way. heh. Vladdy who is your daddy!

I'm just waiting for the ABLOOO BLOO BLOO. That was teh masterpiece of the talking shoe arc.

An ass kicking from Ramses is exactlywhat pat needs

Wishing a RLS beat-down on any man is certainly a thing - no matter how much of a prick he is.

Oh, how I've waited for the day food is stuffed into Pat's throat...by noneother than Ramses himself.

Too much innuendo.

...did it hurt your endo?

Beware the...

VEGETARIAN RIOTS OF MURDER

Ramses and Pat are like matter and anti-matter.

Putting them in close proximity is bound to result in Bad Things.

Or nullification. I can totally imagine their hands briefly touching, and both of them vanishing with a "fwip".

It's so sad that Ray hasn't yet learned that Ramses checks in only to check out.

The astounding thing about this is that you actually do have fans.

Man, gladi8orrex's posts have totally jumped the shark.

i think 'chuppies' is a cute word. it reminds me of large-eyed cartoon puppies.

Spaceballs: The DVD Menu's looping is getting on my nerves.

Chibi puppies?

Everyone likes "chuppy" but personally my favorite was "chubbu".

Reasons gladi8orrex has gotten chubbies from me in the past and doesn't get lames even when he says racist jokes:

1) Chuppies

2) Calling Nice Pete "Silent Petey" (or actually silnent petey or something, but it is still the best ever)

Plus Anyway=Amway, that is hilarious. I haven't given him any chubbies for this though. I liked it when he was cryptic and less racist.

"Roastered Befez" is still fucking genius.

I don't want to jinx things, but have you noticed how beautiful Assetbar looks without spoof accounts spewing garbage everywhere? Rex, in comparison, is a jewel in the Acheworld firmament.

As for the racism: haven't you heard? Racism is funny now! If Ricky Gervais and Family Guy have taught us anything, it's that it's okay to be racist if you pretend you're laughing at the fact that an insensitive joke was told rather than the joke itself. Nobody's really racist any more, so it's okay! (Seriously though folks, this shit is getting old. You can't keep rolling out the same tired old bigoted fucking bullshit and excuse it on the basis that "we're laughing at the bigots, not with them!")

So you think that deep down Seth Macfarlane and Ricky Gervais are actually racist? It's not an "excuse" if it accurately describes what you are doing. The only question is whether it's funny or not.

For instance, in the case of my comment to dr_strangeglove below, the answer to the question was apparently: NO.

(And the question I was referring to was: "Is this funny?")

My vitriol wasn't aimed at Gervais and Family Guy, it was aimed at gladi8orrex. I frequently find his garbled txtspk and hidden messages genuinely funny, but the blak peepl lol shtick is getting seriously fucking old. The subtext - assuming he isn't just a straight-up bigot - seems to be "Don't laugh at what he said, laugh at the fact that he said it." That's not a funny enough joke to justify some of the shit he says. I think a lot of people, some of them professional comedians, use the success of Ricky Gervais and Family Guy to justify some genuinely mean-spirited, offensive shit. You know, the kind of crap that idiot colleagues forward to every email account in the company, apparently thinking that since David Brent or Peter Griffin or Al Murray can say it on TV, racism is acceptable now. But Gervais et al. use racist/bigoted humour in order to tell bigger jokes about bigotry itself (not always successfully; Family Guy in particular seems to use the same "laugh at the fact that he said it" structure a mite too often - like, I know, Peter Griffin is an idiot, you already made that joke). They are not in themselves racist.

The Exile gave the best summary of Family Guy I've read, as its #8 Reason they were Ashamed to be American:
"Seth McFarlane. It isn't just that McFarlane's Family Guy shamelessly plagiarizes from The Simpsons, nor is it just the endless cheap references to bad pop culture icons. Family Guy is much worse and much more evil than that: an anti-Simpsons antidote for zombies who want to get rid of the annoying buzz of vestigial decency in their rotting heads. They want that decency removed, and Family Guy does it non-stop, scene by scene, undoing the unwanted education all those Simpson episodes forced down their throats with a spoonful of sugar. McFarlane's show reinforces their meanest, dumbest instincts. And it's a huge hit."

You know what is amazing? The day the threads after ignored comments NO LONGER interested me enough to unignore.

While it might be true that Gladbags is spoofing the racism, I don't know him. I don't need to give someone the benefit of the doubt continually, and while I might miss the "Roasetered Befez" smiles, I wont miss the shudder as I finally decode what idiocy is hiding in poor grammer.

The biggest difference? Ricky Gervais and some Family Guy is, ya know, um... funny. Changing your schtick from "Undecipherable commentary" to "Racist fuckhead" is not.

I guess I have one thing to thank AIU for teaching me. The ignore option works.

I haven't seen enough Family Guy to comment on it, but the way Ricky Gervais makes racism funny is by expressing it very subtly and making everyone exceedingly uncomfortable about it. He basically plays a guy who doesn't think he's racist but actually is. The American version of the Office fails at this somewhat, because they tend to have people be downright ignorant and offensive. Basically, they have someone mock a ridiculous accent or say "No, don't eat the rice, it has monkey brains in it because Indians eat monkey brains!" They basically make the racism so blatant that it is simultaneously less offensive and less funny.

1) His confessed love for a 9 year old.

2) Hiding secret messages in his posts with strikethrough and bold.

Oh shit I gave you a chubby before I read that you were making retarded racist jokes again.

perhaps he's satirizing racist jokes. Black people not being able to smell simply because they are black makes no sense. Nonsensical things are funny to me. I think he deserves the chuppies he accumulates.

OH JESUS I SPELLED "SPELL" WRONG.

RU blak? LOLZ

That was actually hilarious, I thought you really meant "smell" which is about eighty-six times funnier than "spell" in that context.

I agree, and more of us should be sensitive to the fact that blacks can't smell.

ha, completely agreed.

On a similar note though, I once managed to fail at saying "I can't even sell my sperm" (while lamenting my unemployment/skintness vis-a-vis that of male friends) and managed to say "I can't spell my sperm" which became this funny quote from me thing. My chum added that I was 'spermanently challenged'. Anyway, it only now occurs to me that I cannot sell, spell or smell my sperm. Man. And I'm not even black.

What is a chuppy?

Right, yeah, so it seems like I shouldn't press end and read upwards. Or at least not stopping to comment halfway through. Sorry I suck! P.S. hello tekende how are you today.

I am...averaging out to okay? I am all over the place today mood-wise. Um, this is assuming you actually wanted an answer. H...how are you?

The skinny thoughtful kid had the delightful problem of not knowing quite where to look at aliiis.

This was funny while she was showing us her boobs. Now she's a squid again, darn the luck.

Rather depressing, really.

Wow, completely the same with me actually, it seemed like Everything Happened yesterday (when you wrote this). I had to take photographs of a baby and everything. Anyway, yeah, I sort of just felt like it had been a long time since I had had a little commenty chat with you so I thought I'd like, check up on you, you know.

I'm a veg myself, but under the circumstances -- the meal was prepared entirely by people who have not been on earth for several generations of Galapagos tortoises -- I'd prolly go with whatever I was comfortable with eating.. it's being polite at the wedding of a friend, and only will be just for the one day anyway. Pat is the dick for expecting Molly's already-generous family to provide him with suitable fare. These are people who likely have never even conceived of the idea of veganism.

Whenever I cook up serious food, and blow a sack of money on it, I like to see the veggies take a full plate, with some meat on it. They don't have to eat it, but it's nice to see all the bins empty at the end of the day. I can fool myself into thinking their eyes were bigger than their stomachs, and I bet most cooks can too.

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