Philippe - A Love Romance.

Philippe - A Love Romance. 06/30/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

It is the rare romance novel when the names are not more interesting than the plot.

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This tactic also works well with rufies.

The waiter is optional in this case.

I don't recommend moistening the rufies with your tongue.

The kicker is that most marriages actually do begin just as Philippe imagines.

Admiration from afar, fantasizing, subtle flirtation, sudden lost of consciousness. Then there's someone with a moist ring and BAM you wake up with a strange man who appears to be trying to coerce your tongue out of your mouth with a disgusting sucking motion.

[IMGS OFF]

I obviously am living an incorrect life as I have never had a woman approach me and immediately suggest that we go have intercourse. I had a lady approach me today, but she only wanted directions to the coffee house down the block. Shortly after that another woman approached me, but this time it was merely to serve me the breakfast burrito that I had ordered. These are about the only times that I can recall that women have approached me in months. Each time I failed to make it happen and did not have my crotch kneaded in either a pleasant or even unpleasant fashion.

Maybe I ought to purchase that rhinestone studded codpiece I had my eye on the other day.

That part is semi-autobiographical. I know a bar on the Upper-West Side where this happens not infrequently.

Alcohol is the answer -- stay away from coffee houses and burrito joints.

belgand, it only happens to you if you spend less time on the internet and get more social chops

also what this guy said

nerding it up on assetbar is not getting social chops btw

it only turns you into a virginal neckbeard

Just walk into the place shouting "I HAVE MONEY! LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY."

I'm never there when they wake up in the morning.

i have found that rubbing stacks of 50 dollar bills behind my ears works excellently

that one lame is like the single tear of a neckbeard realizing he will never have sex

though i did not provide the lame, i am in fact only capable of growing significant facial hair in the two inches between the point of my chin and my adam's apple. i cried more than a single tear about the implications of this fact, plummet.

Neckbeards are never okay, get rid of it immediately. This is my advice to you.

Especially if.....

[IMGS OFF]

siiiiiiiiiick.

wait i want to make this perfectly clear, that's the only place it can potentially grown, i don't ever let it.

Don't feel bad. Evolution seems to trend toward less hair. Just consider yourself more evolved.

(Being part Italian, I'm about three months evolved from living in a cave)

[IMGS OFF]

ET grow neckbeard...

Mickey Mouse Neckbeard Waffle!

There are few things in the realm of human endeavor less attractive than a tear-sodden neck-beard.

howsa 'bout a beer-sodden Beck nerd.

I know a fistful of those, and don't see them have much trouble getting laid.

Alcohol and the subtle charm of not being an arsehole - the rest is the collapse of random wave functions.

Don't get all xkcd-ish now (actually, I enjoyed the metaphor).

Dats whata he a meta for.

i chubbied this and I invite all onlookers to do the same

"you have been invited to: Chubby.
[ ] Definately attending
[X] Maybe attending
[X] Stupid Facebook reference"

The rhinestone codpiece doesn't attract the ladies nearly as much as a the advertising would lead you to believe.

And its been played out since that Glen Campbell song made the top forty.

Wichita Lineman?

Yeah, I'm still annoyed that the radio edit changed it to "Cowboy"

chubby for feynman diagram

Feynman drove a 1975 Dodge Maxivan adorned with squiggly lines on the side panels. Most people who saw it gazed in puzzlement, but once in a while someone would ask the driver why he had Feynman diagrams all over his van, only to be told, "Because I'm Richard Feynman!"

I know fancypants already knows this

Following that logic, neonfreon should have the following on the side of his vehicle:
[IMGS OFF]

You're being unclear.

Is he a:

1) douche;
2) douchebag; or
3) douchenozzle?

Why, let's find out

BOO TO THAT

WHY FIND OUT

Make sure they give you the merkin which matches the codpiece. Warning: the merkin will be heavy due to the rhinestones.

So for how long have you been contributing to asstr.org?

How long have Phillipe contributing to asstr.org?

I'd have thought the ring would be optional

I was disappointed the ring was not inserted through the nipple.

Please, we call them Forget-Me-Nows.

Siiick!

I came down into the wretched cesspool of inanity that is Assetbar with the extremely specific purpose of making sure this comment existed, and then chubbying it. Duties fulfilled, I feel I can, Philippe-like, run off into the night (my bed).

I employed a Mintonado once. Good man. I had to spend four years convincing my employers and the Surgeon General that he wouldn't try to run before they let him out of prison, but now he's considered a foremost authority in his line of work. I never considered that an expert tongue may have contributed, but it occurs to me now that the possibility is real...

Strange world, this one is.

Yes, words.

The Super Mintonado was the best console in the 90's, I don't care what kids think nowadays.

ssssip

Somehow I am very upset about kissing being described as putting a mouth onto another mouth. Even though that's pretty much exactly what it is. Maybe I'm just upset about kissing.

How do you feel about oralingus?

They fly to Ireland right?

As a civil aviation nerd and planespotter, I wish I could give that comment 100 chubbies. Alas, I have but one. Given.

I gave him mine in your name.

I gave him mine because I laughed.

AER LINGUS, (N) KISSING, ON THE AER

I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.

it's all right

Pardon me, I'm Roscoe W. Chandler.

How did you get to be Roscoe W. Chandler?

How'd you get to be an Italian?

[IMGS OFF]

What do you think of at night when you go to bed, you beast?

[IMGS OFF]

I don't think you get the theme here.

Oh my God nice-on-water you can't just ask someone how they got to be an Italian!

It's a quote from the movie Animal Crackers (as is the "Roscoe W. Chandler" line.

The joke is that Chico Marx speaks with an Italian accent, despite the fact that he is Jewish.

Datsa no good either.

Ace a' spades.

This.

She's stuck in my heart now, where my blood belongs.

As an uncivil aviation nerd, I wish I could kick you in your fucking teeth.

Cngratulation, Jeffspaulding you are now : Spinynorman

I demand a status upgrade!

Where is the venerable Mr. Norman these days anyway? I miss him and his dual-citizenship (somethingawful) tomfoolery...

I bumped into him on a porn site a while ago but I didn't know him then. Maybe he drowned trying to get his rocks off.

But...what about the real Spinynorman? What is he now? Has he been demoted?

All that drinking finally did him in.

I'm wandering back in briefly to commend this statement. Jeffspaulding has been the guy who is funny with words for a while now. We should make it official. We should nominate some people to be the new old people.

Jeffspaulding = Spinynorman
Echidaboy = Edwell
Belgand = Achilleselbow
Hedonismbot = Hedonismbot

We need a new loneal. Someone who starts arguments, but the boys lust for her anyway. I would say we need a new heccibiggs, but she posted up there just now. We DESPERATELY need a new manflesh. *I* need some new manflesh.

A while back I would have said that glad is the new manflesh, but that would no longer hold true.

Good call on the belgand/achilleselbow thing though.

I am actually in contact with Elbox and I will question him as to whether the title may be passed in a more official capacity.

Somebody be DrSkradley for me, because goddamn I just can't be bothered putting in the effort nowadays.

I know how you feel. A new Loneal to harass or a new Lawbot to nemisize would be nice.

NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

YES.

I married Lawbot. He's not allowed out of his closet now.

Hey guys I just thought it would be as good as any time to mention that this Fall there's another election for Assetbar Representative of *~* Black America *~* and I have pretty much been running unopposed since 1968 seriously though does anyone want to take up the mantle?

Guys?

You get free malt liquor...!

I nom nom nominate Gladdi8orrex

How did he get to be Black?

thx judge 4 rebroadcastin' u black 4 all teh newcombers jus case they wana disreminate 3gainst u, brother

Do I have to be Black? Or American? (I'm sort of American, but I'm afraid I'm so white I'm near transparent)

i would take on the manflesh mantle but i'm not sure if I really want to be working chuckles that rough

[IMGS OFF]

Or burritolingus...?

Burritolingus. (n) KISSING, ON THE BURRITO, [size=1]as it leaves your bottom.[/size=1]

Cuntage! Fuck the lemons!

Fuckage! Lemon cunts!

Tongue in panel 2.

The bus boy came over and took their fruit plates away. The bus boy was named Paco Q. Firestone.

YES THIS IS SO TRUE

And just before the end credits roll (yes Philippe's novels have end credits) he will turn to the camera and deliver a knowing wink before the inevitable heart-wipe.

Philippe's novels also have cameras and wipes.

Philippe has not read many novels.

But every character is listed at the end with their full name and middle initial (or nickname where appropriate).

It piques my curiosity how an otter of five has encountered such a diverse portfolio of names.

This otter knows that a good author knows what to name others.

He watches a lot of Seinfeld.

He has been five for many years.

Philippe could probably have written every single episode of "Love, American Style" with exactly that same formula. As long as it ends with the heart-wipe and musical cue.

Shit. That song is now stuck in my head for the day.

You obviously want attention. And I just gave it to you.

Like I gave it to yo momma OH NO HE DIDN'T

Ignorin' is a special thing

It's a special thing you do

when you want someone to go away

Ultra Peanut, you Moron. Now go away and die.

It's like super times 3!

woah. 11 lames. masturbation with rubber bands is obviously a taboo subject with this crowd.

Make it 14

obviously

How odd that someone would say things like this!

Sick-cat, Philippe is five.

I wondered what Frank Zappa was up to these days,

He is actually up to being dead. Sorry I don't have a racist joke to go along with that.

Are you familiar with Frank Zappa?

Something about Uncle Remus would've done fine.

I am intimately familiar with the man.

Intimately.

I fucked Frank Zappa.

Biblically.

Wait.

You slipped in it between Deutoronomy and Ruth?

I've begged my girlfriend to let me slip it into her Exodus.

My GF will let me "cross the Red Sea" though.

"It" being your gospel of John

He will never be dead, he is the crux of the biscuit.

The poodle bites, the poodle chews it.

A week went by, an now its July

That entiuhly too correc.

Yer stinkfoot puts a hurt on my nose!

C'mon Frenchie!

I should try doing more things slowly, carefully, and with a lot of understanding.

Better than Twilight. And more raunchy, since they kiss on the mouth.

Oralingus: The act of kissing on the mouth.

I think Vlad would approve of the end of this story.

"Kissink... it is when you are puttink mouth onto mouth of beautiful woman, with careful, and slow, most understandincly."

With such an adverb, a "c" works to capture the hardness of a consonant between that of a "g" and a "k", despite otherwise being awkward.

Phillipe get so horny, he eat the mouse.

Kissing is fucking gnarly.

Also tubular.

Bodacious. What the fuck does that mean?

It bodes well.

fact: bodacious is a combination of the words "bold" and "audacious." how this came to be, i am sorely upset about.

I dont get it. If one is described as a 'bodacious babe', I always thought it meant that it meant one was mind-blowingly hot. And now you're telling me it just means she's like Indiana Jones?

Actually, that's hotter. Chubs

So she's afraid of snakes???

Chased by giant balls?

Always wears a hat?

Even in bed.

Randy Newman and Joe Cocker approve.

She hates snakes!

No she doesn't, you just lack game. [IMGS OFF]

I was really hoping this would lead into a series of comments stating the names of the Special Zone levels in Super Mario World for SNES.

I was sadly mistaken.

you are rad.

Tight also.

Certain person here played alot of Super mario World.

Godspeed

i have it on wii.

Jack "Tennis" Amore is not five.

cooooootiiiiiieeeeeees!!!!

thought you spelt cooooiitttusss for a sec, bro

well i mean kissing on the lips tends to lead to kissing on another pair of lips...they are an intertwinement of grossness (from phillipe's perspective)

Yo, Coitus! What news from the North?

The Trojans have been repelled.

In Topeka, Kansas there is Seaman High School. Among their rivals is Topeka High where the team is named the Trojans. This has, likely on numerous occasions, lead to the amusing headline of "Trojans hold back Seaman!".

a quick check of wikipedia confirms the basic facts of this urban legend-y sounding story. i can only hope belgand came by this information in some way that does not involve being from kansas.

I think belgand is a proud San Franciscan who hates the weather there.

Are you sure? I've never seen him mention San Francisco before.

Classic tekende.

It's the raving homosexuality that is the deadringer.

It was so gratifying to finally visit SF and realise it is exactly as gay as people think.

I hear even the crickets lisp.

As I originally wrote it it was "near where I grew up" and then I realized that not only was Topeka a good hour or so away from where I actually grew up, but I might as well put more corroborating evidence in.

But yeah, I grew up in the Kansas City suburbs. If it's any consolation I was technically born in Connecticut and only moved to Kansas when I was three.

Those first three years are the ones that make you, man.

i guess u spent ur first 3 years under a bag of shit.

oh, ouch! call teh emc!

God, I hope not. My first couple years were spent in Bumfuck, Alaska.

This is not a good place for your formative years. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Really. If that's your thing, fine. No one is complaining. That goes for all Assetbar.

I don't think there's an assetbarrian here who might be accepting of such a thing for two year olds.

I might be overestimating the general morality of such a place, however.

Country clubs can be horrible things for romance and otters.

When you go there to see your love, knowing that you can't go in because of your bedraggled clothes and her high societal caste, so you wait outside or take the clothes of the gardener so that you can glimpse her. And you watch from the bank of the creek, amongst the reeds like a British commando, watch as the party turns from languid and laughing to tired and hazy, smoke permeating every corner. Watch as her father and the old men leave for the other room, to sip brandy or whatever ladder-dwelling liquor suits them, leaving only Your Love and a boy her age, someone else of her kind.

And you don't begin to feel rage so much as you begin to feel elemental, start to become one with the mud and the reeds and the mosquito larvae, start to recognise the patterns of the skittish otters. And as they leave the party, laughing in each others' arms, heading towards you like you knew they would, the choices are elemental, and the elements choose for you.

The secateurs in the gardener's pockets are too sharp, too well-maintained, too stained with his black innards now - at this age and at this time the elements say for you Not To Mix; there is a time for that, but it is not here. And you know that she would cry loudest, so she needs to be taken care of first, which saddens you greatly.

The rotting axe-handle from the shed cracks against her windpipe, and the boy's weak eyes pierce too easily with a sharp bamboo reed, and as she crawls away you know needs to be in the creek with the larvae and the otters, who come to defile themselves with her warm and thick blood once she stops struggling, not knowing the sins they commit.

Country clubs can be horrible things. Both for romance and for otters.

On the topic of country clubs, this one seems to have an unusually large number of Italians. I mean, where's Chip X. Worthington III or Muffy Z. Wipplespoon? I think Philippe may have been using an old writer's trick, recycling names from his "Mafia" story.

What does the Z stand for?

"Tennis"

(it's a common nickname)

Zitdick. It's a family name.

Edgar.

The Z. is silent. Alternatively it could be the perfectly normal name of.. Zoe?

Is this what it is like, when jackals cry?

Phiippe believes they were in love before they met!

Aw!!

Philippe will be the more talented, softer Danielle Steele for his generation.
Not bad for a five year old.

I wonder if Jack and Katherine shared hugs afterward?

[IMGS OFF]

Jack sat down and stared at the girl working in the coatroom, the one with the soft pink lips and spiky blonde hair that screamed "I'm a lesbian." He absentmindedly fingered the rim of his empty wine glass and the waiter suddenly appeared to remove it. His name was Roberto G. Megacuarto.

"More merlot?" Roberto asked.

"Uh...sure..." Jack said.

"Anything else I can get you?" Roberto asked.

Jack took his gaze off the girl and glanced at Roberto. He shook his head, laughing. "Uh... no."

Roberto cocked his head to one side. "You're sure?"

It was then that Jack noticed the tattoo on the side of Roberto's neck. It was a black cross with blood dripping from it. He was curious about it, but decided that asking about it would be too forward.

Roberto left to get him more wine just as Katherine returned from the bathroom. Her hair was disheveled.

"How does my neck look?" she asked.

Jack didn't turn. "Don't worry, you're fine."

"Oh goddamn it," she said, looking at herself in the mirror. "How many times do I have to tell you not to bite the same place over and over again?"

"What do you think of the girl working the coatroom?" Jack asked.

Kathy glanced at her. "Oh, her. I already tried. She wasn't having it."

"Fuck," said Jack. "What, is she straight?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Katherine. "You could probably get her yourself. Go for it."

Jack shook his head. "What's the point?"

Roberto set the refreshed wineglass down beside Jack. "Her name's Alicia. Alicia Q. Slenderstone."

Jack looked up at him and looked at Katherine awkwardly. "What?"

"She likes to be tied up and choked."

Jack chuckled. "Well, shit!"

"She actually asked me about you. There's probably no one in the East Wing. Shall I tell her to meet the two of you there?"

In just minutes Alicia was lying on the floor of the governor's suite, Katherine's lips around her nipple, Jack filling her ass with his member. Roberto licked the inside of her pussy and slipped in his finger.

"Haha!" laughed Jack. "You've done this before!"

"The country club can meet any need," said the waiter.

[IMGS OFF]

First time i laughed out loud about a comment. Thank you

That story is like the mean of a Manflesh story and all the Twilight books.

"Thm mmwmphy clmm mn memp mmy mnph," said the waiter.

You should have said Jack was filling her pussy and Roberto licked the inside of her ring.

Quote:

Jack looked up at him and looked at Katherine awkwardly. "What?"

"She likes to be tied up and choked."

Jack chuckled. "Well, shit!"

I just wanted to compliment you on this superb moment in your story.

I like this very much.

From her description she sounds exactly like the sort of girl who enjoys being tied and choked and who would, with the right provocation, be easily involved in a foursome at the country club where she works.

Except it's far more likely that she's a barista at that place two blocks over.

Or the bike shop across the street and just down the block from there.

Or a waitress at that Mediterranean place right off Ashbury.

She would very much be interested in sex with vampires, owns two cats, and probably wears rectangular glasses with a chunky black plastic frame. They actually have a prescription in them unlike the other people she knows.

She isn't interested in sex with vampires.
She works at Staples, is one inch shy of five feet tall, and has a labret piercing.
In her free time, she watches thunderstorms, and plots to take your girlfriend from you. And I love her.

A Philippe strip? On my birthday?
Why, Onstad, I don't know what to say.

Thanks?

Your username sounds like a medicine to relieve constipation.

Also, happy birthday.

Happy Constipated Birthday.

Ixalarx: Gentle, predictable relief.

Ixalarx: Every hour, on the hour.

The title already did it for me. Not just any romance... A love romance!

Arguably the best kind of romance.

It's true, this is the greatest title in the history of great titles

Actually, romance originally referred to a genre of high adventure, which often included love stories, hence why the word obtained a more narrow definition. This is why certain things are considered "romanticized", even if they don't relate to love.

What? Don't look at me like that. That's hardly the most anal correction that's ever been posted here.

Really it depends on how graphic the love story is and the preferences of those involved in it.

The most anal correction involves stories about life at sea.

i love coming up with spontaneous ridiculous names

loretta q windingale
martini cufflinks
gerald "the hunger" infiniboner

Oh man, I was going to try making some myself, but I don't think I can top Gerald "The Hunger" Infiniboner.

That's what SHE said.

Ramrod Vaginamite
Orion Q. Pickletickle

For you amazon fans:
Trixibelle Pelviscrusher

"....and then the LARGE women."

Rexington Q. Awesomeburg.

Esmerelda Weatherwax.

No.

Abraham "Hundo" Vocatura
Thunder J. Winningsdale.

Raymond R. Fuckchuckle

That made me laugh and spit on my computer screen, you magnificent bastard you.

[IMGS OFF]

Dang. A bit too big.

Also George C. Scott is nowhere on that bill.

I would like to draw everyone's attention to "Agnes Moorehead"

Michael Moorcock wins...
[IMGS OFF]

Wasn't that poster an episode of South Park?

That cover reminds me of sitting in the library to seek shelter from the searing summer sun, the musty smell of yellowing books filling my nostrils as I pushed my glasses farther up my nose and delved farther into the world of 1970s-era science fiction. Yeah, I had no life.

Hah. I remember doing the same thing, except I would sleep in 'til 12pm while my brothers went to the beach, I'd wake up, pick up a book and be up to my eyeballs in Fantasy novel for the better part of the day. I get outside more often now, I'll admit.

I too spent much of my youth up to my eyeballs in Moorcock

That really, really should be the name of a fucked up hallucinagen.

Better than up to your cock in more eyeballs.

Or is it???

Warm, juicy... hmmmmmm....

The giant, gilded bird of prey seems agitated by her attempts to Heimlich it with her left leg.

Also of note: the art department could only pay for a single moon-crater.

Apologies in advance. As soon as I scrolled back up I could only imagine it as a moon anus. God damn it.

Moon Anus rocks YOUR town this fall! Call TICKET MASTER now!

Waitaminnit. That's no moon anus......

Quote:

Dang. A bit too big.

If I had a dolla for everytime I heard that . . .

i'd have 50 cents.

If I had a dirty mind I'd say something lewd.

Get those chairs out of here.

Chubbied because I just finally freakin' got the joke of these harpo posts.

Chubbied for getting it.

Quote:

Dang. A bit too big.

I get that a lot.

and then what did he do with it?

I suppose you wouldn't remember being up to your eyeballs in Rohypnol.

A virtual chubby for the greatest of Orson Welles' lesser-known works.

Surely you mean "F For Fake" there, do you not? If anything "The Magnificent Ambersons" is both rather well-known and not entirely that great.

He means Magnificent Bastards, feat. George C. Scott.

Magnificent Bastards was the secret title for everything either Orson Welles or George C. Scott ever produced.

heheh.

A thanks and a chubby for the clarification, aperson, given that I do not visit often anymore.

Fucking Belgand strikes again. I agree it is well known, but man that film is fantastic, imagine if Welles had managed to make it the way he wanted.

I feel obliged to share the names my friends and I made up for ourselves for our band on Rock Band.

Todd Rapeswift
Miles Penisberg
Dick Longshaw
Rumple Foreskin

That's hilarious. My band, The Vagina Monologues, has only two members. Their names are Fallopia and Fellatio Jr.

Hit single: Fit to be Tied. B-side, Kneeling in the Bus Aisle.

"Todd Rapeswift"

KRAUSER-SAN!

Phineas T. Fuckshaven Esq.

Theopholus K. Marxbrothers.

Hadley V. Baxendale

Jamulis T. Arrowsmith

Bob "Bob" Bob.

Bob Loblaw.

...no habla espanol.

Lawbot is back!

No he isn't.

I see what you did there.

...bob-bob-ara Ann

Big McLargeHuge

Bob John-son.

Kid in my school was named Joe-Bob Johnson. Joe-Bob is, or was- a common enough name in the South. (U.S.)

He went through his entire 6 years of Junior High & High School with the nickname Blowjob. Johnson.

no moral.

The moral of this story is that if you give a lot of blowjobs in junior high school, people will recognize this and make it your nickname forever.

Then there was Earl Curtis in college dorms, who was demoted to Oil E. Coitus.

again, no moral.

Moral is, young people are absolute fuckers

-with no morals.

pzzrt

Aeolius von Thunderpussy
Cirocco Geldinghammer IV
Bonita Bellingshausen Staid-tropp
Ariston Worcestershire Scotus
Mellificent Grousestrangle Novanglensis
Aristophanes Willingness
Phillipe bin French Fry ibn-Hugs al-Specialboy

This would be the best if that first name was Areolius.

Quote:

Geldinghammer

**ouch**

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20060915.gif

[IMGS OFF]

learn to post

Right back at ya' you unfunny douchebag.

neonfreon is a moronic hypocrite

Chubbied for throwing stones/glass house synergy.

i'm sorry i wasn't more clear. i didnt realize you had screwed up on the posting of the URL, i was just referring to the lame content you posted. in the comment you (creepily) linked to, i was posting a relevant achewood strip. Yes, we both fucked up on the URL thing, me more than you perhaps, but it's the thought that counts.

No hard feelings, just quit posting graphics that are at best mildly annoying to everyone else here.

It was certainly relevant to the two prior references to "Geldinghammer." Notwithstanding that, who made you the relevancy police?

Quote:

Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds

little minds.

So your need to correct that evinces a little mind, not a small one.

ooh, I tink he gotta ya' there!

Awesome dude u got da joke.

(I was being a dick to doppelganger there, not chico)

why does aperson hava to be a dick to anotha aperson

I blame neonfreon.

you-a low on freon.

anna your neon ain't doin so good neither.

Sorry Mr. "1,485 Lames." You are obviously an expert on what is annoying.

Make that 1486.

And then go and perform the act of copulation with your own personage. 1487

One man's annoying is another man's amusing.

OR WOMAN'S, YOU SEXIST CUNTS

One man's annoying WOMAN is another man's CUNT.

YOU amusing SEXIST.

Kudos for this summing up of high school dating.

Speaking of names, Space Mutiny and MST3K is just a match made in heaven!
[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY]

bbcode and hangovers. teh best.
youtubes

You know, there's that one bit where Servo says "Bob Johnson"... Always seemed to me that it would have been really funny if he'd said "Dwayne Johnson" - though I guess that wouldn't have worked so well back in 1999 or whenever that episode aired, 'cause he was still known primarily as "The Rock" at that point...

Horatio Fellatio
Zebadiah K. Loanworthy
Garrison Milo Fenderbody
D. Pablo Wendellwire
Humphrey Kotex-Araby
Axel Jamfrot Esq.

And for sharp minds:
Mr. LuxuryYacht, pronounced ThroatWarbler Mangrove
Sir Arthur Shreeb-Greebling/ Greeb-Streebling

Cornelius "Thad" Mansfield

is it any coincidence that the hyperlink tag on this comic is M.assetbar.com/achewood/uuac4L0V3?

I got http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D06302009

Look in the part of the page where it gives you the HTML tag to embed the strip. Who said machines didn't have emotions?

Unit three thousand twenty one is warming
Makes a humming sound - when its circuits
Duplicate emotions - and a sense of coldness detaches
As it tries to comfort your sadness -

One more robot learns to be something more than
A machine - when it tries the way it does - make it seem
Like it can love -
Cause it's hard to say what's real - when you know the
Way you feel - is it wrong to think it's love
When it tries the way it does...

Feeling a synthetic kind of love
Dreaming a sympathetic wish -
As the lights blink faster and brighter -

One more robot learns to be something more than
A machine - when it tries the way it does - make it seem
Like it can love -
Cause it's hard to say what's real - when you know the
Way you feel - is it wrong to think it's love
When it tries the way it does...

sometimes you can be a real dick

(philip k, that is).

If Philippe flips out when he sees the moonwalk, what would he think of Wayne Coyne crowd surfing in his giant hamster ball?

I will take him with me to see the Flaming Lips play here in August, then we can find out!

There need to be pictures of this happening.

I played the hell out of that album

It's a conspiracy!

Ith a conthpirathy!

Ouch!

Outh!

I love everything Philippe writes

As do I. Chris should put out a book that's nothing but Philippe mini-novels. I'd buy that.

So far it'd be, what, 4 or 5 stories? He better get cracking on a full-length 24 pager.

Not if he formats it like Kanye West.

He has mad creative writing chops, considering his age (Philippe is five).

how old is he?

He's so old, Dick Clark calls him "old man"!

TODAY'S EPISODE OF ACHEWOOD BROUGHT TO YOU BY WISEAU FILMS.

Seems more like Merchant Ivory.

Keep the change. Hi doggie!
You're my favorite customer.
Okay bye!

YOU'RE TEARING ME APART NICK!!!!

I did not hi her, it's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not. Oh hi Mark.

But he's my BEST FRIEND.

I tried to chubby this, but I was out of chubbies. I hope it was an Animaniacs reference, cuz that's what I wanted to chubby. I don't know, I feel embarrassed now, I don't know why I told you all this. Sorry.

Are you more embarrassed if I tell you that it isn't an Animaniacs reference? Because don't be. You are rad.

Nevertheless, it's a good reference.

After all the untimely deaths we've been seeing, I needed something to cheep myself up. What better time to Philippe to charge at that typewriter?

Todd doing a bunch of coke off of a toilet seat in a San Diego Showmars after his latest stint in hell.

But...but this is nice too

I misread your rhetorical question. I will now attempt the milk gallon challenge as self-punishment.Good day.

I think we've all had pretty crazy ideas about special ladies before.

And so I say it twice.

man this rocks. I hav e an announce to make: I be gettin laid off from my stupid job. this week ib my last week at work. from now on I will habe more time to chat on assetbur

You were warned not to jerk-off into the clam chowder.

We know, but it just seemed too redundant to be of any harm to anyone.

Alternately: Little did he know that men in white lab coats had been paid to make sure he permanently liked this food.

Might as well admit it, you're addicted to dick.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to dick.

*guitar solo*

i gotta big dick

And then what did he do with it?

ung, im so hard got a huge boner right now, ungghhh

You have to big dick?

i will chubby this as a subtle advertisement for the Premium Lounge.

What is srikamaraja alluding to with this comment? Find out for only 2.99/month.

Philippe's punctuation is immaculate. Kudos.

shouldnt' the first line of each new dialogue bubble be indended;;;?

The evolution of a troll. It's been fun, sick_cat but i hab 2 ignur u now im sry

thanks 4 anouncin' it lik a douchebag. dunno wat u expected, but i lammed teh shit out of u

Anyone struck by the irony here?

I'd love it in plain black and white.

He calls douchebaggery on someone who has adopted his characteristic patois.

And that ends in me getting two lames. Classy bunch here.

The Glad lame was a given. Your beef is with Deusoma.

Well, thaaaaat's my liiife!

Chubbied because I understand.

No, you don't indent speech bubbles.

Phillipe had to outsource the sequel: "An Urban Love Romance". It was a little too graphic for him.

teh dictionary def of ordinary is n a diunder wat circumstances shuld a manimating a dead snake lik teh one referenced n teh movi glarising uppercut which i fink deals lik 46 dam but he spins salot of women have periods, fact:pent most of his life behin' bars eatin' bread an wateearning an honest living whiff her husband an' 3 kids, ages 6 and FREE DIRT BIKE TO ONE LUCKY PARTIhouse cats come from egypt? lol weird, bleft to 'is own devices an' bombsquard operative will likely die (via explopurple nurples hurt? i always jus' get a boner fhello kittbob poundmax for those of u familiar, is prob ma fave cuz he increases in size as teh story unfolforever young, i wan' to be, forever young "when ur pushed. killin' as easy as breamouse trap

[IMGS OFF]

burnin' earnin' an' learnin'. 1800 need him. is god hotline, my numb, on other han' is 678 triple 9 8212 i hopes 2 hear form u alls

What is this I don't even.

Yeah, when do I get my Dirt Bike?

This is gladi8orrex watching television and flipping through the stations, transcribing what he hears.

those guys are hot

guy on teh left is big time cutey. yes he is

I agree.

[IMGS OFF]

Mom, dad, Brian and you? With that many people it must be special!

it is very important that you tell me where you first heard or read "what is this I don't even".

It's like...pretty impordant. It's pretty impordant. You should tell me.

Isn't it a Thing? I've been seeing that on this old internet for quite a while.

lamed this whole trail of thot i dont even give a shit

Has anyone called you yet?

In my bizzaro alternate universe, Philippe is wearing his "here comes a special boy" shoes for the last panel.

yob liacesp a semoc ereh! ... peeb peeb...

!gaf gib a semoc ereH.

.laiceps dellepssim uoy oslA.

!EMOCLEW ER'UOY

==izan rammarg ehT==

.muc annaw I .tcerroC

.traB pu kciP

POTS

!WON

Speccer, was that a reference to Rocko's Modern Life?

My finger feels new, it feels different. *Look* *Gasp*

Baby I got some pretty crazy ideas about you in my head.

Is Philippe writing his stories in the Overlook Hotel? He works in a BIG space. Decidely not the Hotel Earle.

It is his Writing Corridor.

He's a toy otter and he's under a foot tall. I think any room would look big.

Assetbar. You live. Seriously, there's chubbies flying everywhere. I am TOO FRIENDLY.

It's infectious.

ya know what pisses me off.. the people I drove away from assetbar with my trolling. And the chicks too.

I mean, seriously, I was too effective of a troll. A troll is a parasite. But when it kills it's host, that's not too fucking smart, now, is it?

You are basically the worst parasite.

All McDonalds hamburgers to Cymothoa exigua's thick slabs of sirloin steak.

Worst parasite, living in smelliest bowel.

Cythomoalingus: The act of kissing Lutjanus guttatus with the tongue.

Paradolingus: The act of kissing Leocochloridium Paradoxum on the mouth, with tongue.

Wait that is a horrible idea.

We can all agree that there is absolutely nothing good about and no use for the entire Phylum Platyhelminthes.

y scurr eway all teh womens

Two Achewoods in three days, siiiick! And no weltschmertz this time, either. What a day.

Are there any happy German word-phases?

Freudenfreude!

Schatzifreudenlicken!

[IMGS OFF]

Gluecklichdeutschewortphrase, but it was used ironically and only once in history, in Max Schiesskopf's 1920 epic Die Unterswischen, starring Peter Jungberuehre.

Fr�hliche Scheissessen.

(I am hoping assetbar will not mutilate the umlaut)

C�nt!

Ausgezeichnet!

I love Achewood because Onstad makes Mitch Albom look like Thomas Pynchon.

FUCK I GOT THAT BACKWARDS

IT WORKED SO MUCH BETTER IN MY HEAD

GOD WHY CAN'T I DELETE THIS

Rectified: I love Achewood because Onstad makes Thomas Pynchon look like Mitch Albom.

lamed both ur crap. next tim keep ur internal dialogue internal, weak-kneed punk

Rectification noted, a cross-eyed dentist is the only person who could make anyone look like Thomas Pynchon.

a five by panel four. The rest of the strip did not disappoint.

well played. very well played.

Something perfect about the way he runs to and from the typewriter.

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