The Underground Shopping Network: Servicing sort of stoned animals' 3am shopping needs since 1996.

Ray can find the inner Skymall of any shop. It is a Talent.

ray took the sharper image private

http://achewood.saddestthing.com/wiki/ achewood wikipedia. please to edit it today. is hip is cool. is achewiwi

It looks like you put a lot of effort into that so I'm going to pretend you actually said Achewiki like you meant to.

oui oui

Why is Ray taking sharp images of his privates?

skymall?

http://progressiveboink.com/index.php?/archive/skymall-part-two/

That would explain why he looks so happy!

Philippe is five...on Forbes' list of Rising Stars of 2010!

It's the money from when Teodor had a yard sale. Obviously Roast Beef left some in the back of the microwave by mistake. Fortunately Teodor's yard sale was stupendously profitable and nobody noticed it until now when Philippe found the now virus free cash!

The alt-text contradicts this theory.

Please tell me what the alt text is! My laptop is on a state of disrepair so I can only view stuff on my iPhone.

This is where I usually get angry. Dr Fagerstrom would be very proud.

when he needs a six hundo, he doesn't want no cold, heartless bills to ease the pain. a warm, steaming stack of benjies will turn a man around, make him feel his troubles melt away

psst double check the last panel Mr. Onstad.

wait, what's wrong with it?

Maybe the meerkats would be a present both to Ray's Mom and her bathroom. Thus "Mom and Mom's hall bathroom..." Does this make grammatical sense? Possibly...

Mom and Mom's hall bathroom... maybe she went lesbo after The Man left the scene
[IMGS OFF]

My mind took that places it shouldn't have. Damn you liquor!

That would be a fun series comics: Ray and the other SOR (Sons of Ramses).

I was trying to justify it as meaning that Ray wanted to get some figurines for his Mother in general, and then some other ones for her hall bathroom specifically. However, on reflection, I think you are right. I think it is a typo.

I disagree with your readjustment of your position. It is an ungainly way of saying what he means to say, but it is what he said.

Maybe this is the revelation that Sondra went girl-on-girl after Ramses left her (or after seeing him so briefly at Beef's wedding).

Ray has two Moms!

Come to think of it, Sondra and Philippe's mother seem have a lot in common, if y'know what I mean.

Is that sexxy tho

Oh damn dog that is so sexy.

A man does not have an idea.

All geriatric otter on cat double-spank pussy highfive, dude.

oh god

I need to lie down

dang it would be a fitting end for ray to get out ray'd by phillipe (i don't see this ending in any other way than ray dying somehow)

could you imagine if phillipe took after Teodor instead?
[IMGS OFF]

or maybe i just have a death wish for ray
[IMGS OFF]

I wish for a Death Ray. There are people nearby who are Unworthy.

A snake rode a motorcycle seven miles!

This is so confusing to me.

It will make more sense after you have what you need. It is like stuff you can get, too.

Those little dots next to Teodor's head aren't motion squiggles, they're microscopic beads of sweat. Look how hard he's TAPing

microwaving some money for later.

...I thought I was the only one! *sniff*

That magician's thermometer would make for one hell of a magic show.

Are you saying something rude? I just can't tell anymore.

Isn't the "Magician's Thermometer" a rectal thermometer?

You know so little.

Chubby just for showing up (as I hoped you would).

3 - But there is yet another endearing layer to this particular lolment (yes it was that you guys): shiatsu is attached to dog gate because Phillipe saw it in the Sharper Image and having understood it as a cool epithet, uses it just like a kid would. It is not only believable and spot-on character, it is also nicely set up in the particular narrative that is this installment of Achewood, bringing you lolments(c) since 2001!

I noticed that. It felt unseemly to not keep the insight private. However, I do not begrudge your decision to do otherwise as I do not know what has occurred in your life.

Onstad's catalogue is bought and paid for by Big Luxury

This is a labyrinth

You never know where that six hundo has been.

Mamma told me to always microwave a fresh six hundo, to kill the germs.

Man, that family chart is a fucken rip off.

so lol

It's like Keanu Reeves channeled Martin Luther King!

^ Photoshoppers, we need you!

I have a... ...whoa!

[IMGS OFF]

Oh Hamscout, we are hamstrung...

Achewood hackers:
Pro: boosted Gladi8orrex's chubby level to over 9,000
Con: after annoying everyone, figured out (or followed instructions for) an SQL injection attack with the IMG tag that wrote "rb was here" to everyone's statuses, comic titles, and whatever else they could figure out, which made them have to disable the insecure tag. Thanks assholes! Just because you can doesn't mean you should. All thinking you're all whitehat. Whatever.

more like whitecat, amirite?


...oh god i don't even know any more

|---------------------------|
I'M IN UR PHP
... (whitecat)...
RUNNIN MAH SCRIPTZ
|---------------------------|

For those interested in the vulnerability that caused this mess, I think this is it:
[url=http://archive.cert.uni-stuttgart.de/bugtraq/2005/08/msg00343.html
]known issue[/url]

Oops

you're kind of a shitty hacker

Don't be a dick to a hacker.

wtf? we can't do images anymore??
[IMGS OFF]

fuck
but wow. that's some good haxoring.

a new version of assetbarista could display images. basically you could implement a proprietary bbcode in assetbarista, say, use {img}http://example.com/example.jpb{/img}

or you could even have it display .jpgs as well as .jpbs. christ.

I could use a pbj right now.

Ask not for whom the hell trolls <something something>
He trolls for thee

I like this new glad

Ray had a garage sale.

Wasn't that Téodor?

No it was Tacodor!

Tacodor, those were some good times. Yeah, those photoshoppers need to get on it.

wait what
why do you have goblins avatar
explain

Because the internet is an awful place?

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER

It makes him feel pretty. No but really is that the first time you've noticed that? It's been like that for really a long while now.

I have been gone for a while and also was not paying attention. Don't have judgment.

I retract my judgment and put in place friendliness :D

Chubbied for lack of judgment.

We still post about it when we chubby right? Because otherwise I look like a rookie right now.

Also is it still cool to keep posting about our posts? It seems like the place has become less meta in my absence.

That depends. Are you still Patrick Bateman?

Quote:

Don't knock it til you've tried it, hatstand.

WHAT IS THIS "ACHEWOOD" YOU SPEKKAJCKASFBOHG

You assume I'm the Streever from your time period, primitive human. In reality I am from 40 years in the future. To me, all of this is a distant memory. Sorry man. I'm just trying to find my way and fit in again, and you have to rain on my parade. Sorry to give you such a hard time with my inability to fit in with the crew I ran with 40 years ago. Way to have judgment man.

Quote:

Entirely up to you, am I right people? And when you're out of chubs, it's cool to post a V-chub.

No it was the real M&M people.

Teodor seemed somewhat... reflective to me in panel 13:

[IMGS OFF]

The False False False Chili Bowl contains warm Alpo.

Dogg just dont

There is no S in Phillipe's name so I have to now spell it $hilli$e. Or Phi$$ipe.

You muft spell it: "$hili$$e".

Oh shit. Wrath come down.

Or simply add a nickname with an S, such as
Phillipe "Fa$t machine" Machiavelli (is his last name given?)

Philippe is $ive!

High-$ive, Clive!

Just substitute the L's for the pounds sterling symbol.

Ain't no way I'm trying this in assetbar, though. Why, they'd all laugh at me!

They laughed at me when I suggested replacing the letters of the latinate alphabet with the non-phonemic graphemes which they resembled. They told me I was mad!

Funny how 'movin on up' feels like more of a downward spiral. Pull up, kid! You can still be an astronaut!

Comment using the writing style of the strip or one of its characters.

Also, I would buy the False Chili Bowl because it has the initials of my football club on it.

F.C.Barca....? Bolton....Bunglethorpe?

Phillipe needs to offer something that implements "bio-ionic" technology.

she said, bio-ironically...

Bio-irony is a great subject to think about just what that subject is.

I had the perfect soundtrack to this strip serendipitously playing in the room as I read it: "Putting on the Ritz" as some Czech guy skated the "short program" at the Olympics.

Was it Taco's version?

Can I put a link or anything? I mean, I should have put a link.

I, too, wish I had a cane designed by Sid Mead.

Ohmygosh it is a real thing:
http://seavenger.com/optical-fiber-led-walking-cane-staff-light-stick-p-141.html

This truly is a remarkable device.
To quote the ad:

This Revolutionary LED cane not only provides transitional cane function, it offers the added safety LED light glows from the cane to help you see the surrounding more clearly.

Weather going up or down stairs, getting into dark areas, the shine cane provides safety and comfort, and the light switch is designed on the handle to help you easily turn it on or off by the push a switch.

This is definitely something you can get.

But only after you get all the stuff you need.

Can I get one with a Clapper-activated LED, in case I have to crawl through a darkened bedroom to get my cane?

Man, and while we're at it, let's put a pillminder in the handle.

Man Philippe could have totally made another nineteen cents on the False False Chili Bowl

Imitating older people I respected never worked out for me as well as it seems to be working out for Philippe.

nothing kills an appetite faster than lukewarm money.

Hey, did Onstad spout some new labels, or did someone hack the status field on all accounts here? All y'al is now reading:
rb was here
rb is still here
no status, no class
no flatus, no ass (this means you, genequagmire)
Rinpatz!

Further investigation tells me that anyone who has posted since about a week ago has been hacked, just hacked to fuckin' bits. Well, their status has been changed. And all bbcodes throughout the site are saying [IMGS OFF].

Is this what aiu was admiring last week? Dudes, we get that you're clever. Can you just keep your cat out of our yard so we play in the sandbox?

basically you could delete all of achewood's assetbar (delete all strips and comments and change all user emails and passwords and cancel all paid subscriptions) pretty easily if the img tags aren't turned off until that issue is fixed.

was you master plan foiled?

make that assetbarista person add a that lets you embed images and uses the wayback machine to find all the links again and recreates it all and lets you post new ones and pay them to do it

{img}http://dongs.com{/img} or something

then people that dont mind losing their account can take part in posting images again =)

I am having a hard time parsing your comment. I am trying to use standard English. Can you provide a guide?

It was a thing about a hack, all over now.

Ok streever I'll go slow for you

See this link?

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/set_profile_record?dval=dval&r[]=AboutMe&AboutMe_gender=4&AboutMe_email=neonfreon@gmail.com

Click on it and then check your profile. Your email address will be 'neonfreon@gmail.com' and your gender will be 'bottom'.

Now click this one http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/logout

You will be logged out!

Now click this one http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/send_login?username=streever&email_addr=neonfreon%40gmail.com&send_password=Submit

Now your accounts password has been reset and sent to neonfreon@gmail.com. Thanks!

Now, because those are all just normal web requests, those URLs can be used in img tags and people never see the contents of the URL and the requests get made automatically. that's why so many profiles are 'rb was here' etc now.

In addition to the above settings, when your account is 'onstad', you have special privileges, and you can do stuff like add/delete strips, change strip titles (Doppleganger. -> rb was% here), etc.

Does that make more sense sir? The underlying defect is still there, but it's not as risky now because you can't use [img]'s to trigger it. You have to get people to click on a link now.

Clarity ensues

shit. so basically a server-side redirect could be employed such that people think they're clicking a safe link to an image, but the image request from the client gets redirected to a link which hacks the user's account. in short, there isn't much that it's safe to click on.

well, there aren't any server side includes involved, but yes, you can have the server send a client to an arbitrary URL, and no, links aren't safe to click on really; those bit.ly's can delete accounts too.

onstad is safe for now though, unless he clicks links. he did get his status changed. http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/profile_public?b=M^a11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821

ah, brilliant. You have many, many thanks for your explanation. I can only assume you are not drowning in a veritable sea of chubbies because people have used theirs up.

no, AIU was admiring a different hack that was far less impressive. Also, AIU had nothing to do with any hacks of assetbar recently.

That's pretty cruel, letting people believe you've left chili out only to have it be false... I don't think this is a gentle tease at all, I for one would be heartbroken. How could Philippe think of such a thing?

yeah you can't give a friend nasty money, larry david pretty much cleared that up.

fail, this was supposed to go one below.

You aren't looking at the meta game. You leave the false chili out for a few weeks, to get your prankee used to it. Then one day, as they are passing the bowl they smell the delicious aroma of false false chili (chicken or mild) wafting up. It's the loveliest prank in the world.

you are being way too sensitive

I think it is clear that while the six hundo has a certain legal tenderness and square edges it also had tuberculosis and the Hantavirus. Microwaving was purely medicinal.

Need to Tinkle is the next Ass in Your Pants.

Seven Pines is the ever-evolving community growing out of Hill Valley's Twin Pines Mall. Thanks to Marty McFly, though, it took longer than it would have to get to seven.

The comic is really cute - I will always have a tender place in my heart for the neighborhood, but more and more I feel like Chris needs to just frickn' write. Write a novel of a situation with characters, and bring the funny! Just saying.

OK, well, I'll say more: I have not laughed half, not half as hard at any of the strips in a long time as I have laughed at some of the pieces in the fan flow. The chef-made Mickey Ds story was total kill. It had a situation. It had characters. It brought the funny. Why fight it?

...and Mom's kitchen and Mom's bedroom and Mom's lawn. Know that mom loves ornaments and Meerkats this is basically a thing. Dogg knows I tore up her yard on New Year's, gonna have to get like 3 pairs.

I harness the power of my avicon to say if there is any Philippe corruption I will cry.

Shit, man. You just made me snot in my water glass.

I really should just stop trying to drink anything while I'm on this site.

BREATHLESS WITH ANTICIPATION

SWEAT BEADS ON MY BROW

if i could post an image i'd have that sequence of intense faces that Ray and T have when they're seeing if he has a bottle of Blue Label in his hand before watching Braveheart.

but I can't post images, so you'll just have to know what i'm talking about already.

I'm just glad the plane didn't hit Onstead's spread!

I know he doesn't live in Palo Alto anymore, just his server is there, but I'm jus' sayin'

Palo Alto and East Palo Alto are worlds apart (and divided physically by Highway 101). But yeah, good thing.

Does Ray eat money or does he just want it nice and warm for his pockets? I'm not judging him, I'm just wondering.

I think the idea is that it has germs?

honestly idk. but i am not having judgement, either. just to be clear.

DEFINITELY would buy a "King Needtotinkle" statuette. be awesome to have that thing starin' at me while i piss / tinkle.

meerkats are the shit. i have a thumb sized one of 'em on my tv. motherfucker watches me while i watch the tv. sick.

The price of the false false chili bowl was determined by adding the cost of making that bowl of chili to the price of the false chili bowl.

What is with emphatic typing in this town?

If it weren't for cheesy catalogs Achewood would be about 400 strips shy of where it is now.

400 awesome strips!

THESE STRIPS!

Man, Philippe is going to make some serious cash. But will he end up the Wozniak to Ray's Jobs?

Phillippe is a cautious businessman. He would only ever sell safe chili.

i wrote a poem with a parable ending that ended up rhyming but i kept to myself cuz was really kinda personal and would be hard for me to share to world. maybe someday though but i thought id etleast owe to yall dat m still ritin pomes n m still active wit dat even tho yalls dun see 2 much no more

chubbied to balance

you have my lame.

AND MY AXE

You're doing it wrong!

GIMLI SON OF GLOIN

I wanna . . .

The cat leaves a five year-old otter alone for a few hours. The cat would make a bad father.

I guess he had otter things to worry about.

Have you ever had a tarka masala? It's like a tikka masala but it's a little 'otter.

Ha, it's cute! Philippe actually thinks you have to get stuff you need BEFORE you waste your money on useless junk.

"Dogs are like bad people." Spoken like a true cat fan

PANEL 6
SIGHT LINES

I hope they're not, those glasses seem to be making Philippe wall-eyed.

Projectile crying is a terrible thing.

We FCBin it up and ins.

Turns out that Sharper Image is this ridiculous. I looked at just the frontpage of their site and there is nothing that they won't stick a massager in.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Burn.)

This string of comments was so well executed I feel that a golf style softly speaking voice should have announced it.

to be met by restrained, soft applause by the well-off, well-educated audience

More like the soft tears by my broken heart. How could you say that about my mother! I thought we were assetbuddies!

No such things as friends amongst Assetbarbarians.

Ours is a high and lonely lifestyle. Getting the next chubby, photoshopping Onstad's comics, imitating Groucho Marx and co., trolling...that is all that matters to Assetbarbarians.

I seen't it. I seen't it many a time. Man thought he had friends on assetbar. You've got friends as long as you've got chubbies. No chubby, no friendly.

And if you don't...pilgrim, you best be gettin' along. This here's rough country.

This is blasphemy! This is madness!

THIS
IS
ASSETBAAAAAAAAAR

thank GOD someone answered that i was going CRAZY trying to hold myself back from an embarrassing "THIS IS SPARTAAAA" post

Whoa! Nice observation. Philippe has solved the no-shoulders problem. Dedicated little guy

Door, ass, don't let it, etc.

maybe you're being self centered. maybe Chris is developing himself in other ways than putting on a clown suit and dancing for your amusement. You must be American, being all about quantity instead of quality, as you are. Go get some silicone implants, maybe that will make you feel better.

Aww shucks how can I refuse

*Tips scales*

a)mad props for the decent raps

b) the way you throw around anal-rape talk leads me to believe you have been incarcerated before.

i did 4 months for agg assault, wound up in teh shu for further conflicts but dat was b4. i can control maself nah jus let that shit go not worth losin' months o ya life then bein slave to parole. not worth it