Love On Paper

Love On Paper 05/23/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Roast Beef wrote the book on rewriting and then deleting the book

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Well to be fair I've never heard anyone smile noisily.

Isn't that what a laugh is?

Point.
Though I had an image of 90 year old womans parchment like skin crinkling as she smiles at, oh lets say an old Sinbad routine.

Great now I'm gonna have nightmares where groups of parchment-skinned grandmas with blood dripping down the corners of their mouths where they smiled chasing me down a hallway. Thanks a lot.

Which then gets its ass kicked by the garlic, right?

The garlic loved that carrot.

Shame that beating up the pear won't bring her back.

Technically the only fruit that has an ass to get kicked is the peach.

All i'm saying is that the damn thing should put some pants on.

Another ass-kicking strip--introspective, cute, sad, and hilarious all at once. The alt text says it best:

"Roast Beef wrote the book about rewriting and then deleting the book."

If you go to http://www.achewood.com/ and hover your mouse over the comic, a special message will appear. For those who don't go there, people like tombsgrave are posting that message here too. For more on alt text, see here (Wikipedia).

Correction: that Wikipedia article is actually pretty irrelevant since the alt text is made with a title attribute. I will now once more retreat into ashamed silence.

fyou also have the option of right-clicking the strip and scrolling down to the properties option. the alt-text will be at the bottom of the block of info that shows up (this works in firefox for sure, i have no idea about IE or Safari, but who uses that crap anyway?)

And in Chrome, one can use the 'inspect element' command. And Chrome is good. And I just started three sentences with a conjunction.

Heart-wrenching.

Boogie down, Nucleosaurus!

Your avatar is mesmerizing...

Your avatar is wonderful

Matthew Bellamy is pure genius.

may we all know the horror of the best case scenario

Holy Crap tombsgrave put it best. Please mark these comments as spam so future generations are spared from their horror.

I guess this is Roast Beef's thinking place. He went here when his father was shot.

There needs to be more "Tales of Youth". Preferably without Roast Beef's penis.

Nice catch, I forgot about that one. Same outfit too.

The sound of water reminds him of the peace within the womb.

Though his mom's womb probably wasn't all that peaceful. Lots of glass breaking and customers haggling her for microwaved slim jims at the 711 she worked at.

oh hell and damn yes, good find.

v0.9b, of course.

Beef has such a vivid imagination, as shown in the previous strip. I can't tell if he actually typed the pages once he got home, or if he was still floating in the river and he just pictured how the pages would look if he typed them.

I think he is actually typing it, because he gives up writing and just starts to put asdfasdfasdf at the end.

yeah. he got frustrated.

I don't know. I would picture Beef imagining the asdfasdfasdf...

I'm pretty sure he really typed it up because of the "soon" and the way it ends ("am I really typing this up? damn I am a wimp").

Is Beef going to do it? I think so, but hey, this is Achewood, anything can happen.

If there's a wedding, somebody will probably get shot at it.

nice call!

I can put my chin on my girlfriend's head when we stand up. I can see why he'd put it on the 'pro' list.

So that's the secret! Okay, next time, shorter girlfriend.

Dang, that's hell of short.

"I can put my chin on her head when we stand up."

This is like the #1 phyiscal quality I look for in a woman.

I have doubts about where this marriage thing is headed, but Beefly introspection is always delightful, in a grim, depressing sort of way.

"Should I Get Married to Molly" (alpha build) Changes Document

v0.0a: version number added
v0.1a: Pro and Con headers added
v0.1b: Pro and Con header typography optimized (underlining)
v0.1c: Pro and Con header typography re-optimized (left justify rather than center)
v0.2: Cons header moved to left, Pros to right
v0.2a: Reverted to prior "pro then con" format
v0.3: Keymash line added to "Pros"; testing typography
v0.4: Keymash line deleted; Abidement Pro added
v0.4a: Abidement Pro deleted
v0.4b: Abidement Pro reinstated
v0.5: Con scenarios worked out, added
v0.6: hell of private Pro added
v0.6a: hell of private Pro deleted
v0.6b: replaced with easter egg incident god what was i thinking
v0.7: added "her qualities" section to Pros
v0.8: paralyzing self-awareness intervenes
v0.9: self-mocking comment about self-awareness added
v0.9a: basically vertiginous meta-aware comment on self-mockery added
v0.9b: v0.9a addition deleted, replaced by keymash for testing typography and frustration exhibition purposes

Ch-ch-ch-chubby!

HAHAHAHAHA
Every god damn thing about his one is pure gold

I liked it because of like "william" said
the re-use of the jumping in the bridge
eventhough the first one was better because it was more tragic

I like it how he throws himself in the river because Ray suggested he ask Molly to marry him. It's a lot like the time when he buried that shirt.
My feelings on this strip are positive.

It isn't a suicide attempt - it's just a Thing He Does during difficult times.

It's basically a thing

I'm coming Back In Time and posting something Onstad wrote in the Premium section, Roast Beef filling out some "25 Things About Me", that explains why he does this:

1. I was not ever allowed to float as a child. I was always yelled at and made to hold on to the side of the pool or tub.

DAMN!! this shines a light on things.

hell of chubby, yo.

I get it, and I should have cross-referenced the historical materials. I fucked up. That is a Thing I Do

did anyone else get the panel four allusion to that Klimt(?) orpheus painting, because i think i'm seeing something there

It seems to recall that strip about his "circumstances" too.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.

wait, isn't molly still technically legally dead? i thought that's why she couldn't get a better job.

Onstad has previously apologized for stimulating the furries, but this comment gives me images I did not need.

Man, why would even write something like that? Why would you think of that?

she's legally dead, so she's dead on paper. but i'm not suggesting that beef is making it with a corpse ner nothin

This arc makes me wonder how old all of these characters are.

Also, Roast Beef conspicuously forgot the tax advantages of marriage, but I'm not sure if they apply if you're married to a dead person.

Well, Phillipe is still five. We know that. Based on the "Bands when we were young" references, the cats and Teodor are about 30. Cornelius and Lyle are older.

what the hell kind of cat lives fifty years

Guys im worried about Roast Beef

I enjoyed a brief confusion of "huh, what does Man Ray have to do with any of this?"

ditto

I would call you both pretentious art dorks, but I'm reading Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics and once took a picture of a urinal I found discarded in the street (lamenting that I hadn't a Sharpie with which to write "R. Mutt 1917" thereon), so I really haven't much ground to stand on here.

wtf

oh I get it. Man Ray. never mind. sorry

np dogg, my friend made a kind of tryptich incorporating Man Ray's L'Violin d'Ingres, after Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights, so I know what things are about around here.

no strip 'til Friday! homes, I am about to do things of which I know nothing.

I did a Google Images search for "Man Ray" and, just like you would expect, all I saw were pictures of lady butts. What is it with the butts, people!

not everyone has made the informed switch from ass man to breast man yet

I guess I should change my handle to Imitation-Plankton then

Haha, I was totally thinking of Ray Fillet... but I guess that that is another, more different Man Ray.

DO IT. DO IT. DO IT.

Jesus, never read a strip lik ethis while listening to 'Right Where It Belongs' by Nine Inch Nails. It was do straaaange things to your values.

agreed

Maybe he's speaking cat years.

And yes, he's kind of like a grumpy Ophelia in the fourth panel.

Nicely done. I was totally going to comment with "Whoever called the 'Roast Beef Goes in the River Again' yesterday gets a chubby."

The Man and the River

But....kittens!

If Beef and Molly do have kids, will they have a litter of kittens or will we see a single, anthropomorphised baby cat?

It'll be a Kermit the Frog Master Memory Challenge.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08222005

More importantly, will it really say "Meow, people. Meow. Shit be good on this fine day?"

you may See it in very small text on the other side of the door as Ray and some of the other guys have their ears pressed against it, but i'm really not thinking so.

I remember bridge diving when I was but a teenager, feeling yourself falling and then plunging into the murky depths of some backwoods river. It did seem to put things in to perspective, a side effect from the amount of endorphins that where running through your blood at the time. Next time I am faced with a difficult decision, perhaps I shall revisit my youth in this manner as Roast Beef has done here. Or, perhaps I'll just hide in my bed for a few days and ignore the problem completely.

Anyhoo I hope the two silly cats get hitched because lollers

I have actually made my own version of that miserable list. It is exactly the exercise in depression that Onstad makes it out to be.

Better open the SVN and revert to version 0.7 man

Molly better not find that document, 'cause it might make the entire question a moot point.

The return of Public Bridge 1902.

I got to explore the rivers and bridges of the Peninsula and the South Bay more this summer.

They're mainly named like, "Arastradero 1988". Especially if they are on Arastradero creek and were built in 1988.

He did it <a href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07012005">here</a>.

I'm still looking for a bridge low enough for me to leap and backstroke in a hoodie.

I invite you to join my BBCode Detractors' Club.

As much as you deplore it, I thank you for providing an example of how to refer to a comment. The "list of all available BBCodes and instructions" does not include that.

I like the unintentional "Man Ray" in panel two.

To all who guessed "jumping the bridge to float down the river", bring your tickets to the front. You may now be enterred in the drawing.

Some cats just never change.

The first panel really spoke to me. I mean that sincerely.

beef does not want molly to have to wait in a massive government line even if they are divorcing

Man this strip is best read while sipping a Bullshit Sunrise.

As flippant and meta as this comment is, it does remind me the fact that in lieu of OJ, I am currently drinking a Tequila Sunrise composed of Mezcal, Sour Mix, and Grenadine. I call it "Mezcal Mistake".

Just mix according to T.S. portions, shake, and enjoy(?). Not recommended for novices.

Courtesy of Burning Man, the "Desert Margarita": Tequila in an Emergen-C package.

The first few times i read the strip, I thought the roast beef was referring to Man Ray the photographer in panel 2. Wicked confusing.

AAAAAAAAH enough about Man Ray already!

Besides, this is the context of Achewood, so Man Ray is a famous Weimaraner dog art model who sparks mad izzum with Nightlife.

asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfsafasd

This seems to illustrate finger tapping to me. Agreement?

I hope they get married! It would be so good for Beef, plus Ray would be so extremely drunk at the wedding

Ray? Is that you?

*sigh* New Strip Friday!

You have to hand it to Onstad, though. The man knows how to build suspense.

At least now i can stop hitting F5 and get to work in my actual essay due in 12 hours.

Ha ha ha, my essay was due last week . . . which means i still was paying attention to Achewood and to this thing while I was trying to get it done. You probably got the good end of the stick.

Continuity from Planet 10: Vegetable Brain opened for folk music when Pat had no balls. Roast Beef had thoughts of violence and death.

As somebody who is getting married in 3 days, my pro/con list looks pretty much the same. the whole "watching my gross ass die" thing is the toughest part, indeed.

Chris Peiffer is one of the people I basically have the most respect for in the world. Much happiness.

enjoying this arc more than the envelope martinez scandal. though i must confess i'd prefer beef to stay single and neurotic.

[IMGS OFF]
Bacter: Just a bro with microsoft paint and hours between when he needs to pay attention at work

Beef needs to realize it's not about the end it's about the love!

I don't think Beef is normal!!!!!! :O

...really? What makes you think that?

i swear to God, this best be sarcasm...

I like the barely visible asdfasdfasdf line

oh god beef you are so awesome i am going to basically die

"Less balls than a carrot listening to violin music" is working its way into my vernacular.

That just makes this strip for me, above and beyond all the usual Achewood genius spread all over the rest of it.

For a depressive, Beef is very buoyant.

Here's the Man, Ray.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a310/steerpike66/Man20Ray.jpg?t=1180177113

[image]http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a310/steerpike66/Man20Ray.jpg?t=1180177171[image]

Me and my fiance have lists like this. A major item on mine is that when it comes to chicken wings, he only likes the drumsticks, and I can't stand to eat anything but flats.

"Flats"??

I like to think that, 5 months on, tekende checks his inbox everyday, hoping for an answer to this.

The opening paragraph is beautiful. I find myself reading it over and over again...but that could just be the OCD.

Darwin did the same exact thing. List of pros and cons. Not even joking.

A friend of mine did a spreadsheet about the various men in her life.

the best part of the strip is the desperation apparent in the typing of asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasd.

I once got stuck writing my thesis paper and typed asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf for five fucking pages. I cannot imagine how hella long it would go on for something like this list.

The only thing that has fewer balls than a carrot listening to violing music is a cactus chef playing "We Didn't Start The Fire" on the recorder.

Balls quotient: -4.3 balls.

"....and just like that two folks set in motion the greatest and most drawnout tragedy, which is namely, that in fifty years, one of them has promised to sit there and watch the person that matters most to them die."

Damn.
I have the same exact view on marriage as Beef.

Should I be scared????

Oh my God, Beef's definition of marriage is horrible yet amazing. This is my new answer for the people who ask "Why?" when I say I don't want to get married.

I'm still an Achewood n00b, but i really don't see how this strip could get any better. Jesus. 5 5 5 5.

The fact that one of Beef's Pros is that he can put his chin on Molly's head is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard. 5!

The chin on the head is a plus. I like boy who can put their chin on my head.

Is it odd that I find myself strangely attracted to Roast Beef? Like if he were a real guy I'd probably have a mad crush on him.

No. In so much as that if we believe you are speaking the truth, it means that most of us hold out some kind of hope as far as the ladies go...

I'm rather surprised to find that this liking of chin fitting neatly atop head isn't just me

I love how he's putting off changing the version to "1.0" which would imply that it's ready.

As a very tall dude (6'5"), I can put my head on pretty much all heads. The trick is finding a girl in which this is a comfortable prospect, rather than one involving much slouching and contorting, which makes the fit less fun.

asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf

"asdfasdfasdf" might just be Onstad lipsuming to fill space but both Onstad and Beef's characters suggest otherwise

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Love On Paper 05/23/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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