Problems With the Shrovis.

Problems With the Shrovis. 04/04/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

The sacking of the boffin's mattress is decorated with horseshoes and lightning bolts.

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[IMGS OFF]

The boffin will only speak to the sort of user who can find him without assistance.

The boffin is there to cater to Shrovis-Bishopthorpe's surprisingly widespread Linux following.

Mr. Teal is vulnerable to owls and quick dogs, which is the cutest thing ever, next to the boffin's mattress decor

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

This is because the dog was lost in Horace.

I've never understood the whole 'quick brown fox' thing, as it doesn't contain the letter 'S'.

That's because it's 'jumps', not 'jumped'.

it's supposed to be "jumps"

jumps is what it is meant to be

I heard it as:

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog's back.

Two b's, two a's, two c's, two k's, so it's no cleverer than the dictionary.

Hey, I grew up in Oklahoma.

At least it was clever at all.

no more clever?

It's like how much more clever could this be? And the answer is none, none more clever.

In conclusion, gentlemen, is has attained Maximum Cleverity.

MAXIMUM CLEVERITY! What news from the...erm...West?

Come on. This deserves way more chubbies. At least up to eleven.

(Yes, I know. Terrible joke.)

that sentence is the beast with two backs.

Ah, "The Beast with Two Backs".

A more un-sexy sex euphemism you will not find.

As was said somewhere else on the net, it sounds like the sort of creature that a hobbit would encounter while going into a cave, that you have to answer a riddle in order to pass.

I don't understand what's so strange about this. That is exactly what sex is like.

A chubby for pointing out my indeliberate double-entendre.

I beleive that is actually the fabled triple-entendre

It's slow release, see, cause it takes a comment or two for its existence to become apparent.

A young woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gave it to her.

Oh my god I wish I could chubby this

Okay, first off, let me admit I do not at all understand this particular thread of comments, as I have no clue what this whole "quick brown fox" thing is all about, or what it is supposed to mean, or why it has been brought up here.

But I was most perplexed by:

Quote:

that sentence is the beast with two backs.

until this morning as I was driving to work and for no reason at all it finally clicked in my head, and I was like "OH!" and then I chuckled.

The fox and dog thing is a typing test, uses all 26 letters of the alphabet.

it's called a pangram, fools.

Are you Sheldon J. Plankton? Because that sounds just like him.

Like "The five jumping wizards box quickly," which is even shorter. Or: "Jackdaws love my big Sphinx of quartz," which brings us back to the sex euphemism thing.

Speed-pugilism with leaping masters of the arcane is much more fucking interesting [/i][/b] than one animal jumping over another one who's too stupid to see it.

Dang-blasted.

much more fucking interesting

I think that a giant Sphinx made of quartz is pretty rad stuff too, however that just may be my inner Egypto-geologist trying to get some fresh air.

Sounds like a Lovecraft story in which the protagonist suffocates

did you forget to poke holes so he can breathe?

Man that is a sweet mental image.

Ohhhhh. Okay. Thanks.

google..... :)

so...it requires you to double-back then, eh?

..this is not a good joke.

Perfect pangrams are quite ridiculous, though. The only one I've seen that approaches a sensible sentence is: "New job: fix Mr. Gluck's hazy TV, PDQ!". Without abbreviations and names, you're stuck with: Cwm fjord bank glyphs vext quiz.

Of the non-perfect ones, "pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs" is sublime.

Mr. Jock, TV Quiz PHD, bags few lynx.

Yes, I'm going to have to say that proves the point.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs.

what amazes me about Mr. Teal is the degree of Artificial Intelligence Shrovis-Bishopthorpe has discovered.

Haley Joel Osmont is inside.

Standard "give me back those two hours of my life!" response.

I am also vulnerable to owls and quick dogs, but for entirely different reasons.

I am also vulnerable to quick dogs, on account of I'm small and weak. That alreadyinuse girl is vulnerable to quick dogs unless she has her pepper spray out.

I think you are talking about quick doggs, or dawgs.

I think we're assuming that this vulnerability to owls and quick dogs is related to the property of being a finch, but the reality is we're all at risk while reading Horace.

My Windows paper clip assistant never talks like that.

Why doesn't it understand that I just want to chat a while?

You know, it's interesting; this strip reminds me of a long-forgotten memory of a friend of mine, who in a bit of a social drought would spend hours talking to AI chatbots like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_Linguistic_Internet_Computer_Entity">ALICE</a>.

*cough* Ahem. Sorry. like ALICE.

Somebody decided he wanted a little more out of ALICE.

Not...not that I would do that.

So, it is possible to bang a website.

Whatever, no cookies for you.

The Shrovis aced the Turing test.

Chubbied for beating me to it. Fucker.

He beat you by 13 hours...

disgraceful. I chubby you in compensation.

Its sonnet on the Forth Bridge brought the entire committee to tears.

Chubby for my favorite filthy assistant

The Shrovis even got the extra credit: convincing the examiner that they were, in fact, the computer.

We now have ALICE on the table, and a Turing reference... I'm left stuck, trying to think up a Turing/buggery joke that's not TOO distasteful!

Strangely enough, The Pointy-Haired Boss recently FLUNKED the Turing test. Is this a Sign? Is it the End of Times?

I sat next to that publican on the train from PA to NC once.

Not likely hombre. That's Al Murray, a Brit comedian with the persona of the Pub Landlord.

To call him a comedian is an exercise in hyperbole.

True. His jokes mainly seem to comprise of a compendium of racial stereotypes and nationalist vigour

Yeah, I've never really got him. Is his whole thing supposed to be exposing our inbuilt Xenophobia or something? In which case, he'd presumably be really damn happy if we went to his shows and just didn't laugh at any of his jokes, and then left whilst loudly muttering about him being a racist prick...

(Note to Al Murray fans: I know it's a character, he's not really racist, blah blah Jimmy Carr, his show was co-scripted by Richard Herring, etc. In fact, I know more about him than you do, so screw you.)

He says what no-one's thinking!

Alas. Too late to be chubbed.

your words make my pants as uncomfortably tight as any chubby.

He is a british Larry the Cable Guy?

I thought it was Rush Limbaugh, all Britted-up.

That's what I thought too! And now I when I read that dialogue, I hear it in Rush Limbaugh's voice, and I can't make it sound any other way!

ha, ha! ah, my friend, some would read your comment and say that you took me far too literally and missed my point. but I say fie! fie on those nattering narrow-minded nit-pickers. go for the glory, man, reach for the stars! I say-- I dare to say-- you didn't take me literally enough!

when I wrote, "that publican," I didn't mean some irritating old man who talked nonstop just like that for 12 straight hours, oh no! I didn't even mean that I sat next to curmudgeonly comedian al murray himself! no, my friend...

are you ready? are you ready for the AWFUL TRUTH?? you think you are, but you are not. for here it is: I literally sat literally right next to that literal tiny, one-armed, black and white torso that you see above, and, horribly animated by some treacherous dark arcanum, the tiny golem literally repeated that exact same paragraph over and over again for, literally, the entire trip from philadelphia to spartanburg!!

aye, it was terrible, and aye, I wept.

but that was long ago and far away. the nightmares have... mostly abated. I tell you though, while some descry in a far off train whistle a melancholy, stirring restlessness, a call to cast off the ties of quotidian drudgery, to take the rails once more, even be it simply on the nostalgia express to childhood city, I hear but one eerie echo: "YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY CLIMBS MY PRICK? FOLKS WHO EAT FISH BUT DON'T WORK. TAKIN' IT OUT OF GOOD PEOPLE'S MOUTHS, THEY ARE!"

Wow. Virtual chubby.

I know you! You're that guy from Penny Arcade!

Tycho would have used capitals.

he's about a million times better at it than I am, too!

That was some dank Lovecraft. But with all the ayes, I thought you might have been channeling Cerebus.

ALLEZ CUISINE!

Hey Mike.

My goodness. This is a fantastic strip. An all-time classic, I do believe.

To me, the best part of it - and nobody seems to have picked up on this - is that we consciously know that Cornelius is matched closest to the delicate little finch in personality, but that apparently he does not.

Think about that for a second - think about how difficult it might be to write a character as not knowing what his own character is. It's engaging material.

Dramatic irony, I believe it's called.

Oh snapdragons I got lamed for possibly knowing a literary term.

They fear your wisdom. They believe that it could bring them to harm some day.

Maybe Connie is just prejudice against finches.

He dismisses as preposterous the idea of having anything in common with an animal, despite the fact that he is a bear.

Cornelius being a self-hating bear is the saddest thing.

Is that landlord supposed to be Al Murray?

If it is, I'm even more impressed with the British kick Chris has been on lately. The Bloke does 'is Research.

I think you are right. 'The way I see it a cow's eaten all the vegetables I'll ever need'.

I see what you did there...

Oh, manflesh, you so meta.

only 100 posts to go, dr.

actually if my "collapse ignores" count is to be trusted, snick posted well over 200.

I LOVE SNICK

oh

i thought snick's love for clits was uh

unrequited

Until the next random slash fic, you're forgiven forever.

Manflesh can get away with murder.

I am okay with this.

Murder is not judged by Assetbar users, so I doubt he could get away with it.

However if an assetbar user becomes president, he would surely be pardoned.

So much so that his nickname is O.J.

DR MANFLESH: IF I GOT ANAL PLAY, HERE'S HOW IT HAPPENED

If the cock doesn't fit, then you must acquit!

And so tekende strode into the courtroom that day, a wry smile on his face, ready to take the drastic measures necessary to ensure his acquittal.

"Objection, your honor! This is very wierd!"

but he was wearing an un-lubricated rubber glove its so obvious!... and painful!

And it never fits.

(Kill me)

[IMGS OFF]

tom of finland meets tom's of maine

Like this?

Why are they not making these damned computers yet?

No no NO.

Man, stop linking to this comic strip. Two times now someone has linked to it and two times I have found it extremely not funny. If that comic had the one-through-five rating system that Achewood gives us, it would barely warrant a two.

Also, it's actions are so poorly conveyed.

I hope you are not referring to Indietits. Revoke this man's privileges.

You know what I think of Questionable Content? Well...

...just kidding, I think we got enough of this on the last two strips. Damn you for bringing it up again.

An anglophile Tom Robbins - good-heartedly surreal and whimsical

Dr. Cornelius Bear?

What are the metaphysical implications of a strip where a minor character - an animated, screen-based assistant - is drawn more lifelike than the major character he's helping? More lifelike than even the occasional duotone folks like the publican, Johnny Cash, Keith Moon, etc.

And speaking of Keith, where the heck did he go?

Call me. 49 761 203 7385

Is the phone line in your coffin alive, dead or in a quantum superposition of coexisting alive and dead states?

Mein Gott, you have made a grave error!

you think I should talk to that Nazi?

pssst... Hiesenberg.. or maybe Shrodinger..

I be knowing my physicists and philosophers

Sigh, Redundancy.
Why didn't I read further?
Why, oh why, didn't I read further?

Yeah, what gives?

Neither, he's just passed from Dasein to thinghood.

You don't know until someone answers it. Or doesn't. You should call that man.

It is both alive and dead, having split into parallel universes when the coffin was sealed. But you won't make the split until you call it and find out.

Schrodinger's phone?

I am hesitant to call this number, for fear that it will turn out to be Ungeschaven Hausfrauen live chat or something involving scheisse.

Oliver? Oliver Ruebenkoenig? Is that you? Hows it hangin, homie?

does anyone else feel dumb not knowing what a god damn word in this strip meant?

the publican looks like jim cramer tired from learning the king's english

I wonder if Shrovis-Bishopthorpe took a cue from Microsoft and commissioned Brian Eno to write its operating system arpeggios.

No, it's Bach.

/sarcasm

sigh...

I love how the notes are descending, showing the computers obvious disappointment that Cornelius just isn't quite getting there.

Surely Vaughn Williams? far more evocative of the sceptered isle

Handel. For that Royal British sound, it's gotta be Handel.

I thought it was robert fripp

Horace is well and good, but I'd to read a dissertation about how much boning Catullus did. (it is a lot, he was the first).

Fuck yeah classical studies!

The publician reminds me of the guy from SimCity that says "YOU CAN'T CUT DOWN ON FUNDING. YOU WILL REGRET THIS."

Except he's a fat British glutton who just happens to work for a small independent biweekly in a suburb of London.

A publican is a bartender.

In the UK, a Publican is also apparently known as a landlord.

Thanks, Google!

In other news, a man recently advertised in the daily mail for another person to go drinking with his elderly father. 7 quid an hour, and you are expected to talk about WW2 experiences (Kuala Lumpur) and the physics of making a powerplant work. - What happened to publicans?

Dammit! Now I'm nostalgic for running power lines through coloured squares. This is awful.

I was immediately reminded of the Mayor from Advance Wars: Days of Ruin.

That guy is an ass-bastard. Like most civilians in the game, to be fair.

He got what was coming to him though

THANKS FOR SAVING OUR LIVES EIGHT TIMES, BRENNER.

NOW FUCK OFF. WE DON'T NEED YOUR KIND OF TROUBLE.

Who the hell is Brenner?

(I actually wanted to post that earlier when people were talking about ALICE.)

Would it have made sense then? Because it doesn't now!

Sorry. Who the [i]fuck/i] is alice.

And I presume Brenner is O'Brian's American name.

A.L.I.C.E.

I dunno, you tell me.

So much for me making obscure references to songs the origin of which I don't have a very good memory of.

Damnit.

He is O'Brian in Europe?

How very silly. He doesn't have a scruffy red beard or bagpipes!

"OH MY GOD. PLEASE, NO MORE TORNADOES AND FIRES. YOU WILL REGRET THIS."

BOWSER ATTACK

You're the best, Chris Onstad! You did what you said you would do! I believe in you, from this day forward until forever! Thank you for keeping your word and posting on Saturday!

Not on Eastern Standard time, but given geographical differences, we forgive him.
Soon I will be on the west coast anyway, bugger this side of the country.

I sound like a turd. I did not mean to sound like a turd.
I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have jokingly complained. Not about this.

Technically, a woman can't "bugger" anyone.

No offense, but you may lack some imagination.

Oh, I can imagine all sorts of accessories or apendages being used, but in the strictest sense, isn't buggery a dick up the arse?

In the strictest sense, yes.

A dick up the arse.

I think that the GLBT community would find your definition of buggery to be both oppressive and patriarchal in its attempt to circumscribe the experience within restrictive gendered norms, and a perfect example of how such norms are reinforced through allegedly 'neutral' appeals to language.

Or, you know, maybe they wouldn't really care that much.

Any port in a storm, eh matey?

There's a twat joke in here somewhere, and I'm afraid it's on you, m'dear.

New thought on buggery, "making ass babies."

Eh, I don't find it that scathing.

Zing! We're apparently comparable to birds. Also, a clever melange of what would sound like average high- and working-class English dialect to an American!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure this isn't meant as a satire. Funny stuff all the same.

you didn't understand the comic or i didn't understand your comment (probably the latter)

You evidently don't know the meaning of the word, since "scathing implies indignant attacks delivered with fierce severity <a scathing satire>." -- according to Merriam-Webster online.

Who would have thought that Mr. Teal would be the BEST OF ALL?

I certainly wasn't expecting it.

The comment made me laugh for a good while.

I imagined you sarcastically exclaiming the comment with a insincere look of bewilderment on your face.

Thank you for this the comment, dumase.

His oversized iron face?

chubby for both you and dumase. that's exactly the way I pictured it.

I can't help but suggest that as a gentleman of aristocratic and Oxford graduate Cornelius would indeed have more in common with Al Murray.

I wonder if Mr Teal, "a decent little fellow", will ever meet a certain sardine named Cunty, the damnedest little fellow -- the crossover potential is huge!

[IMGS OFF]

Once I finished this, I realized the gag only works in a world where Mr Teal is a live, web-chat assistant. I am now the most damnedest little fellow...

That's just... great. V-Chub. Trust me, these things are gaining value after the influx of Snickspams.

I'm still trying to figure out panel 7. Exactly what meaning of the word "publican" did Cornelius assume applies to him? Cornelius may be old-school, but I very much doubt he was a tax collector in a Roman province. And while the dumb fellow who appears most closely resembles a Republican of the American variety, he's still obviously British, so what gives?

From Wikipedia, "By the time of the Renaissance, the word 'publican' meant a tavernkeeper." I do believe the Cornelius fits the bill.

*that. Why is it that whenever I get the guts to creep out of silence for one second, I stop learning how to use the English language and become a bumbling buffoon? All, "the me is happy in talk here!", all Little Nephew even looking at me in disdain...

Actually, I like the use of a definite article. It implies that ol' Conny has a singular importance not shared by others with the name. He's not just any Cornelius, he's THE Cornelius.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/graphics/2007/03/03/btpub103.jpg

Al Murray.

Alright, I guess I was wrong on both counts.

I totally forgot about Cornelius' tavern. Chubby for resolving my quandary.

merriam webster has the tax collector definition, then it has this: 2, chiefly British : the licensee of a public house
I'm still not sure what the hell it means. I guess I would need a British English dictionary to know what a public house is.

yeah, um, Cornelius is like, um, demonstrating, perhaps, in this strip here, that it's a fine line between intellectual engagement and, uh, early onset alzheimer's dementia. I love him but damn, reading that strip reminds me of having a conversation with old people... ya know...

Public House = Pub. So basically the guy who owns the bar.

A publican is a pub-owner. Hence Al Murray. Well-known espouser of the theory that Germany is just Britain with more rules. And yay for the phrase "to climb one's prick." That made my day.

Decidedly more uncomfortable.

Also, as apparently some people had trouble understanding this strip, the cut-off word that Cornelius is typing at the end is likely "dissertation."

And France is Britain with less rules...

...and dissertation is just a four-letter word.

Are you being sarcastic?

I feel I might be missing a point you might be trying to make, because you've always appeared to be the kind of large nostrilled animation that would know a publican is a an owner of a public house, which is commonly shortened to pub, or in some colonies, bar.

wow, i should scroll down. I'm the sixth person to correct you.

Apparently the definition from antiquity is more relevant to my life, which is pretty sad if you think about it.

Since a publican is a dude who owns a public house, a republican is a dude who has repossessed your house.

For some reason I can't imagine the words "what really climbs my prick" spoken in an English accent.

Think more Estuary or Cockney and it sounds more plausible.

Oh yeah, we say "prick" plenty. I'm not even cockney. Not even a little bit.

Well, of course. I was more pointing out that that specific phrase is not the sort of thing one would hear at Eton. Most of the brits I've known have a dirtier mouth than me, and that's no easy feat.

Riprickulous.

Eton lads have the cuntiest mouths of all.

For some reason, I read the publican's rudeness in the voice of that orc in The Two Towers who's all, "What about them? They're fresh!"

That's because all British people either sound like that or like Gandalf. Anyone who tells you different is a liar, and possibly an orc.

sample dialogue frequently heard in middle earth/east london:
"Shut it you Hobbit slag! Or i'll cut you from yer kyber to yer chevy chase!"

As an American I freaking hate rhyming slang! Snatch would have been SO much funnier if I had the SLIGHTEST idea what they were SAYING!

It was a pretty good movie anyway tho.

There, there. I hear Rob Schneider's still making films.

Not finding Snatch funny does not equal thinking Rob Schneider is funny. I thought both of those movies were pretty much not that great.

There, there. I hear they still make books.

You can buy a cockney ryming slang dictionary, its an invaluable tool.

http://www.amazon.com/Rhyming-Cockney-Slang-Jack-Jones/dp/0902920049/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207571238&sr=8-2

Its helped me out of a few tight spots. the first person to develope an audio based course will be a genius, i'd love to hear someone yelling along to it on the bus " Repeat after me: APPLES AND PEARS- STAIRS"

I was recently addressed with "Hail you snivelly maggot. 'ow about you get your arse over ear, and we don't rip your ears off and jelly yer eels."

Right. Which episode of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' were you on?

chubsssssssss

I always figured that orc in TTT was a Kiwi extra...

Refer to any number of other comments here to find out what "publican" means. Protip: It's not an upper class ponce.

Um, darling, I know full well what a publican is. I was making a point about how amused I am by the juxtaposition of a patronising upper-class ponce who FANCIES himself a publican (his "pub" is in the California, which is a great start)... and the image of a real pub owner...

The difference is that a real pub owner will casually break one of your bones over a small dispute, right?

Take back those things you said about Cornelius, or i'll hit you with professorhazard's chair!

But...but then were will professorhazard sit?

Oh, I sit enough, really. I could use a stroll.

Pfft. I have admittedly mistaken the point of your post (I need to stop putting myself in a situation where I have to say that.) but Cornelius is as much "the real deal" as any stereotype working-class thug. In fact, of the publicans I know, their characters are more akin to the affable, worldly Cornelius than the xenophobic Murray.

In the matter of subroutines for nattering, wittering and generally rabbiting-on, Shrovis-Bishopthorpe is altogether the envy of Redmond.

For all those confused about the Publican, it's almost certainly a reference to Al Murray

*Prays the BBCode works*

I wonder if this means that Onstad hates Al Murray as much as I do.

As he's a man of high mind I think it's almost certain. After all he has basically summed up Al Murray's entire r'epertoire in three boorish, fragmented sentences.

Cornelius' burn on Al Murray is simple yet devastatingly accurate. I hate Al Murray so much; almost as much as i hate alan carr.
also, i wondered why the boffin's mattress was stuffed with chopped pork. (for about 11 seconds)

That video in the previous post was my first and hopefully last encounter with Al Murray.

I didn't know people could be that annoying.

There are a lot of incredibly shit comedians that are incredibly popular over here, but then that's standard fare everywhere I guess. At least we don't have to put up with Carlos Mencia or Dane Cook.

apparently carlos mencia is known within the comic circuit as "carlos men-steal-a" for his habit of appropriating others' material. (why the comic circuit couldn't think of a move clever moniker escapes me.)

as for dane cook, roger ebert said this of him in the movie Good Luck Chuck:

"There is a scene in this movie where a penguin bites Dane Cook in the crotch. I'd like to find that penguin and buy it a drink."

Carlos Mencia was the subject of much of Joe Rogan's ire, for that very reason, during one of Carlos' live shows. It is very funny to behold.

[IMGS OFF]

Dear lord spare me from that awful Dane Cook.

Is Dane cook a confusing motivational speaker, or just a shit comedian?

He's one of those guys who thinks that reminiscing about the '80s and talking about his penis makes for good stand-up comedy.

And I agree with him, which puts me in a very self-conscious and guilt-inducing minority in most social situations.

I too find him pretty amusing. I wouldn't claim he's a truly great comedian, but I have been known to laugh at a significant number of his jokes. Not that I own any of his DVDs or anything.

But tekende, Dane Cook is silly! It is silly to like Dane Cook! He is a silly person!

That is actually his angle.
His worth is judgable by the people who quote him.
Majority being frat boys on campus who quote horrible lines from horrible things.
He is just such a horrible comedian.
Good in movies though.

Unfortunately, the same people are inclined to yell 'Charlie Murphy!', but Dave Chappelle is a much better comedian.

I guess the fact that that kind of attention sent Dave to South Africa and away from ten million dollars illustrates their difference.

WAIT JUST A DAMN SECOND. THAT'S NO FINCH!

...

Alright, yes it is.

I wish the people who go to Al murray gigs would realise he's being ironic and playing a character, 80% of them think he is a real pub landlord, not an oxford allumni who's grandfather was a kinght of the realm.

When the act is so one-dimensional who could blame them.

Wow. So he's like the British equivalent of "Larry the Cable Guy".

Except that 100% of the people who like him think he is one of them, because only idiots think he is funny.

Thats a rather perceptive analogy, i suppose its something like that. I've not seen much Larry the cable guy, but what i have seen i didnt enjoy.

Still bread and circuses i suppose, idiots have to be entertained, mr Murray and Mr "the cable guy" are fufilling a necessary service. Their deplorable fans have to be entertained and fed otherwise they burn down the forum, give senators wedgies, make crude remarks about pliny's dress sense etc etc....

deplorable?

Larry The Cable Guy used to have a soul. Sadly, he's never been funny.

You didn't need to say "except".

Both of them aren't as annoying and dumb as they act -- despite what their fans think.

They're probably actually are just as annoying.

Al Murray is a genuinely clever man, considering he got a degree from the best university in the country, also in the documentary he did on ww2 he interviewed german veterans as well which was a refreshing change (he also speaks french and german). His character is irratating, but then characters can have no bearing on the real person (Nicholas cage IS NOT a heroic firefighter who braved 911 for example).

As for Mr "The Cable guy" he may play a gamma sub-moron, but he must have a lot of guile to have made that much money simply by yelling redneck catchphrases, thousands of people ihn america do that every day, but he's managed to make a comfortable living out of it.

thats not to say i support either of them, after all Michael Bay makes a lot of money but that doesnt make what he does acceptable.

You can imagine the end of the day - when Larry goes home and looks in the mirror, his face sallow, seeing nothing but a hollow shell. A mask, with no man behind it.

He whispers to his reflection in a hoarse voice, cracking around the edges:

"Git 'r done."

He eyes the handgun on his dresser, thinking the same words he has thought every night for the past five years: I don't think I can do this much longer.

Then collapsing, sobbing in the corner, empty bottle of Jack Daniels, etc.

I think that in fact Larry has already been through the "empty bottle of Jack" phase of his career. He may fade away, but I bet he dies a rich and happy man.

[img=http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/7642/lylethecableguyxm7.th.gif]

I guess this might be pretty obvious at this point but I think I'll make the joke anyway to see if the code works.

Fuuuck

[IMGS OFF]

TODAY WE WATCH DAVID FUCK UP POSTING IMAGES

ok, i'll concede that Al Murray is probably a smart bastard, but "Al Murray" is a stupid man and i hate his comedy.

I was thinking just the same thing. Add to the list any one else who thinks volume is a substitute for wit, and catch phrases are clever. Andrew Dice Clay for example.

Other Publicans giving me a bad name really climbs my prick.

Cornelius is just so happy to have someone to talk to about his dissertation. I know how he feels...

Cornelius' dissertation was on the effects of classic literature on local food chains.

Cornelius' computer goes blank just as he is preparing to ask Mr.Teal if he enjoys the works of Plato, he is devastated.

I think perhaps that, what with references to Al Murray and the hosts and guests of Top Gear, that Onstad is definitely enjoying BBC America when not tending to his deplorable cultus.

LOVE CULTUS

LOVE THEM

People who might want to be part of an Achewood-oriented meetup that might happen in the south-central or southwestern US are invited to visit gin_ocean and ask to join the group.

I say, I am quite rather enjoying this fine story arc. Pip pip.

Cheerio

But wait, a crumpet?

Consider the crumpet.

You consider the crumpet. It is honest cooked, with a firm filling.

: take crumpet
The crumpet is on the far side of the counter.
: climb counter
A publican eyes you, wiping meaty hands on his filthy apron. You decide against this course.
: talk publican
"Fancy a drink, my son?"
: yes please
The publican fixes you a delicious concoction of coconut-infused rum and tropical juices.
: holy smokes

hours and hours later...

: introduce publican
"Dad this is Randy"

Virtual chubbyyyyy

Thanks to the links, I now hate Al Murray as well. Much obliged, Acheworld community!

Am I the only one wondering what Cornelius' dissertation is on? It could be anything, but I'm guessing "Home viniculture of the Cornelii Scipiones during the first and second centuries B.C."

I think it is safe to assume that is is something related to something that came up in the last panel. I doubt much that Cornelius, though very proud of his dissertation, would not feel compelled to tell Mr. Teal of his unrelated research.

Bless you, Onstad!

All right, I'm getting on a plane to England in a few hours. England better be exactly the way Onstad portrays it. If the teals don't read Latin, I'm going to be so disappointed.

Am I the only one who thinks a publican and a boffin both sound like sea-birds?

Depends. When you say "sea birds", does that include pelicans? Puffins?

A Puffin is just a combination of a Publican and a Boffin.

Large mouth, affinity to cramming fish into it, silly appearance.
Oh he is most right on this one.

hey wow! i just saw achewood in PRINT in this week's issue of the willamette week! fuckin' GO oregon.

although i realize that, what with that having been released on thursday, this being a sunday, and the unnecessary proliferation of assetbar commentary, this topic has surely already been discussed to a wonderful death.

and it's probably in print elsewhere too. but go to hell, i'm excited.

first I've heard of it. I find this to be interesting.

The day any local paper of mine (this means both hometown and college town) publishes Achewood is the day I [insert improbable action here].

oh, well, it wasn't like a regular THING or anything, it's more like the dudes are trying to replace some shitty other comic that doesn't exist anymore and that, not being achewood, i didn't bother to remember the name of. achewood was this week's trial strip.

hey! here's a fun idea! everybody who reads this post go to (I got the name of the publication wrong the first time) the Portland Mercury website and vote for achewood! help me get achewood in my local weekly press!

i do not know the address for said website, because i am a dick

The website is portlandmercury.com, but their layout sucks and I couldn't find anywhere to vote for Achewood in less time than it takes me to drink a cup of disgusting vending machine coffee.

WELCOME to Shrovis-Bishopthorpe.

You can do ANYTHING at Shrovis-Bishopthorpe.

The only limit is your imagination.

Welcome.

screen saver:
[IMGS OFF]
"Honi soit qui mal y numerote"

All with some very loud, operatic tenor belting "God Save The Queen" ad nauseum

Holy crap! I just realised that publican is good ol' Bullethead from Time Gentlemen Please. I love you even more Achewood! Bloody French! NEVER CONFUSED!!!

He reminds me of a British stand-up comedian I saw on YouTube once who kept bashing this one member of the audience while drinking several gallons of Guinness directly from the barrel.

The total lack of hilarity in Al Murray's routine aside, that sounds like the best job to have, ever.

You know caffeine is bad for your health Al Murray. It causes delirium. Serious delirium.

I think it was MR. TEAL in the office with the BIC.

I do enjoy people ripping on Britain after what the country did to me. My time staying in London, Glasgow, and Cookstown only got me three things: alcohol when I was 19, an autographed picture of John Cleese, and me being the only person in the theater to laugh when I saw Two Towers when Gimli said "Toss me" when I returned stateside.

two of those things are pretty damn good!

So when you call tech support for your Shrovis-Bishopthorpe, does it connect you to Mumbai or Bombay?

Kolkata

Hyderabad.

Micronesia.

Slough.

The Principality of Sealand.

once again, a reading of achewood ends me up on the wikipedia.

Sir,

Damnnit.

Yr servant.

That's Dr. Cornelius Bear to you my lad.

I honestly read that as "the boffin is sleeping on a narrow mattress filled with chopped pork." But yes, chopped CORK makes a slightly greater amount of sense.

Tuppence, Tuppence, Tuppence a bag.

You're gonna make me get all misty

I guess that spinynorman has:
1. been away
2. correctly surmises that this strip speaks for itself and any commentary is superfluous
3. Has decided debating the merits of Anglophilia has been exhausted

In any case, 'You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din'

And... why do you follow spinynorman so preci--oh. Ohhhh. Oh, goodness gracious!

Maximus, do you have a crush on spinynorman?

ps: hey man it's okay if you do do not feel bad about it due to such as a fact as that after all maximus only one of us hates people of Alternative Lifestyles here and that's soticoto

(and soticoto is silly!)

(it is silly to listen to soticoto!)

No - I just felt like I was vanity posting without really having anything interesting to say and that this strip really needed no commentary. Then I noticed that spinynorman was silent and thought perhaps he felt the same way but had the presence of mind not to post when the circumstances did not warrant it. There are probably many others, but I read Achewood through twice before I found this community and don't really know my way around.

spinynorman's wife is in a coma.

I really hope you're kidding

I don't tend to find any strip needing commentary. I just make snobbish and/or smartarse comments on other people's comments. I have no thoughts of my own but that other people's thoughts are poorly conveyed.

I'm pretty sure spinynorman doesn't have a wife, so, yes, I'm kidding.

1. Lists are awesome
2. Lists about spinynorman are awesome
3.

Cornelius's face shows so much emotion in the first three panels.

his emotions are so well conveyed.

I just noticed how in the first two panels only Cornelius' eyebrows show over the top of the laptop. I like it, I like it.

yes,jumps.

I wish that I was so high an intellect as Cornelius, that upon hearing an informed opinion or frighteningly little-known fact I could open my next sentence by saying, "Why, my dissertation revolved around the matter of your mention!" But I am still young.

the publican looks like Al Murray

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