The Northeast gets no love from the screaming children being drowned by their mothers.
unfun » pro1 years ago
Texas: The Six Star State
(when stars are screaming children being drowned by their own mothers)
ford » neu10 months ago
I have a question: In this stars-are-drowning-children scheme, what do the Big Stars mean? Bigger families?
unfun » neu10 months ago
Bigger children (harder to drown)
spinynorman » neu9 months ago
whoooo Austin! Yeah! That is the place where I am currently at therefore I am required to give it a whoooo!
semiquaver » neu6 months ago
Everywhere you go, with every word you say, Stephen Fry is giving you a freaked out glance.
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
I like to think Messr. Fry is simply opening a small window in your browser, popping his head in, and making a wry, amusing comment before extricating himself to continue Being Very English on his own.
semiquaver » neu6 months ago
In that case, I am required to notify you that Messr. is actually a sarcastic way to call someone conceited, Messrs. being the appropriate plural of Mr. Good day, sir.
theora » neu3 months ago
Oh god your Stephen Fry and Stephen Colbert avatars are having an argument IN CHARACTER with each other...
i guess i'm a tiger. grr.
gormster » neu1 months ago
I think the Stephen Fry avatar is particularly appropriate since he recently admitted to having manic depressive disorder.
Or rather, I recently watched a documentary about it which could have been made years ago. Who knows.
spinynorman » neu1 months ago
Well, I knew he was manic depressive, but... How... how is that appropriate? Is it appropriate for, like, me? Or the situation?
semiquaver » neu1 months ago
I suspect he realizes that any foreign person trapped in an argument with Stephen Colbert would be so crushed by the overwhelming superiority of the United States of America that he would be cast into the utmost dysphoria.
woodenteeth » neu1 months ago
Considering Stephen Colbert's wonderous grasp of things that are excellent outside of the U.S. and his acute self-awareness of the U.S's horrific foreign policy, your comment has the worst synergy with your Avitaricon ever.
That or you're missing: [sarcasm][/sarcasm]
spinynorman » neu1 months ago
Yeah, I'm not sure why, but I thought the "he" in gormster's first sentence referred to me.
...pretty retarded, in retrospect.
semiquaver » pro1 months ago
More like [incharacter][/incharacter]
woodenteeth » neu1 months ago
I missed a subtle joke on the internet?! Me!
*sigh*
atticusonline » neu1 months ago
My name is Philippe. I am 5. I am learning about Hobos!
semiquaver » neu2 months ago
No.
sdskyle » neu4 months ago
Woo, yeah! Looks like Waco is the children-drowning capital, though. Austin moms need to get to work...
bixschmix » neu2 months ago
I was thinking it looked like Dallas had the big star... HELL YEAH, METROPLEX!
atticusonline » neu1 months ago
Dallas is not that far south...yay!
cracker » pro5 months ago
To be fair, it's worth noting that Texas is the second most populous state in the US. The screamers per capita award appears to go to Mississippi.
katsura » neu1 years ago
or maybe it is just hidden by Beef's speech!
who knows, there could be drownings happening in upstate New York as he speaks and we will never know. :[
ghede » neu7 months ago
Nah, upstate New York is all mountains and frozen bodies of water.
They just leave the kids to freeze there.
bhlaab » neu1 years ago
their screams are drowned out by everyone elses screams (eg philadelphia, new jersey, rhode island)
straw » neu1 years ago
Mothers don't drown their babies in the Northeast, they shoot them.
spectre » neu1 years ago
Same in the Northwest -- anybody remember Diane Downes?
achilleselbow » neu5 months ago
You're thinking of the South, or possibly the Midwest.
nonorganon » neu1 years ago
I was actually kind of comforted by that.
nighttoad » neu1 years ago
you'll notice that illinois also has no drowning children. this is because in my home state, we prefer to burn them alive.
sargasm » neu1 years ago
The Economist is the safest place in the world to hide things when you are hiding things from Ray.
dreamachine » neu1 years ago
Wouldn't this work really well as just the first five panels?
cpnglxynchos » neu7 months ago
the line in panel five made this one Great Great Great!!
yossarianlives » pro1 years ago
Last two panels are the funniest panels with just text I have ever seen.
galen » neu1 years ago
Beef really cares, things about the bigger picture... but it also makes him throw up, so...
catgrl131 » neu1 months ago
Er... how?
joestork » neu1 weeks ago
he meant panel 11... his upper lip, specifically. I noticed it too. It's weird. Also, what the hell are you doing responding to a year old comment? How could you have the audacity to assume someone would reply? Well... you got LUCKY this time...
homepie » neu1 years ago
Whenever I wake up too early, I also start thinking morbid thoughts. "I wonder if anyone I knew died while I was asleep."
unfun » pro1 years ago
Damn wise guys, always working at Burger King, always playing pranks on the new guy, always dunking his head in the deep-fryer
frogg » neu1 years ago
Poor Beef :(
tellumo » pro1 years ago
that is exactly what i thought.
:-(
hopefully he will recover soon w/ Molly snorgles.
sabalpalm » neu1 years ago
I think that map probably proves Chris Onstad has never been to Austin Texas.
stopeatingmyeyes » neu1 years ago
austin!
twoply » pro1 years ago
Moving there next year! Good to know Achewood peeps will be around.
sabalpalm » neu1 years ago
Yeah I'm going to just hazard the guess that Austin has one of the highest percentages of Achewood readers for American cities.
lereya » neu1 years ago
Yep. I read it, and so do a lot of my friends.
1000hz » neu1 years ago
Let's all give a round of applause for Austin.
ethelthefrog » pro1 years ago
Austin's a good town. Very few children drowned by their mothers. That's Houston.
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
Houston is a two hundred miles of baking cement and boiling glass. It's a fog of strip malls, a tangle of highways, a never-ending maze of the same suburban street again and again. Much of Houston is interchangeable. It doesn't matter where you are, because you're in Houston.
ethelthefrog » neu6 months ago
apt description
farqussus » neu5 months ago
Stats don't lie. You can't just go around putting bug stars on maps without some kind of science, and we all know about science.
sabalpalm » neu1 years ago
The funny thing about people from Austin is whenever they are gathered together there is basically always a spontaneous applause for their treasured city. We are a people who love ourselves and each other and have this amazing pride in our choice of location. And right we should in some ways; I for one have never felt at home anywhere else.
PS:I think I got some lames up there for implying that Onstad might have ever done something someone didn't like. Sweet.
lereya » neu11 months ago
Well, here's a chub for posterity. For Austin.
spinynorman » neu9 months ago
I talked about Austin before I scrolled down.
I feel left out of this, because I wasted my whooo.
boredom_man » neu7 months ago
That's cool and all, and rest assured I wasn't the one who lamed you, but writers rarely make fun of cities in direct proportion to their dislike for them. If that was the case here, Onstad's most despised city would be Austin, and his second-most despised city would be Clovis, NM, which seems unlikely. Not that I know what he was up to, but many writers make fun of the cities about which they have mixed feelings, not which they stone-cold despise.
P.S. Your city keeps West Texas and the Louisiana Coast in poverty that it might experience the power of Manhattan-priced beers.
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
We... We're making the South poor by drink decent beer? Is that it?
boredom_man » neu6 months ago
So you admit that people from Austin are yankees? You'll never beat Perry with that attitude.
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
I still have no idea what you mean. At all.
boredom_man » neu6 months ago
I was being hyperbolic, and the Yankee-Perry business was purely a joke, in case that was unclear. I assumed that Texans would have some idea what I was talking about, and your question was poking fun at how overwrought I am. Please feel free to consider me overwrought when I've explained myself, as I intend to get bored before you do.
First, Austin is a technological hub, which is fair enough, though that's not as big a slice of the economy as it used to be. It also has Texas' big State University (I know you know these things, public forum and whatnot). Because of that University and (to a much greater degree) the fact that it houses the massive and wealthy state government, it attracts all sorts of investors, but especially real estate investors who wish to work in the state of Texas, with its leasing laws so famously biased towards landowners. These real estate investors will live in Austin, and buy land in rural, especially west, Texas. We then have money flowing "up" from impoverished west Texas to further stimulate the solid Austin economy.
As for Louisiana, I refer to the oil investors of Austin, and the partitioning of the oil resources of the Gulf of Mexico unfairly in Texas' favor.
Both those things are also true of Houston, with one huge difference being that Austin is actually a pleasant place to live, and Houston isn't even a pleasant place to smell from a distance. And the University of Texas at Austin does stimulate the economy statewide, as well as make a legitimate contribution to world knowledge. Parents throughout Texas send their bright and ambitious kids to Austin, where they pay 50% more for a Newcastle than they would in Albuquerque, money that comes at least in part from their parents, elsewhere in Texas. That's a small scam, and those parents know full well they're coming out ahead with UT. But again, it's money flowing "up."
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
Okay, I sort of get it now, but you got to admit, it is indeed a long and winding road of logic from talking about beer prices to the real estate, oil partitioning, and University-funded industries of the South and Southwest.
boredom_man » neu5 months ago
US 290
spinynorman » neu5 months ago
baZING-G-G-G-G-G
boredom_man » neu5 months ago
That's spinynorman! He's funny! He's not usually in my bedroom, though.
tekende » neu5 months ago
Wow. I think my head is going to explode with all of the information I'm currently trying to process.
landstander » pro1 years ago
"Oh no it's today" is my new favorite line. I think that pretty much sums up Roast Beef's existence.
fuckyoufriday » neu11 months ago
That's such a perfect encapsulation of the 4:32 AM experience. Unless you're in college, in which case it means you should get to bed before the fucking sun comes up.
slalvation » neu8 months ago
I think that at least two times most days, more if I take a nap. (First post-midnight, second at seven AM, and from then on upon waking.)
invidious » neu2 weeks ago
It's also what I think when I wake up on every day that doesn't start with an "S".
mrclarinet » neu1 years ago
South Carolina - a great place to not drown your baby
kombatmedik » neu1 years ago
Connecticut: the best place not to drown your baby.
farqussus » neu5 months ago
Connecticut women have the maid do it.
lacrimus » neu1 years ago
Louisiana has no children drowned by their mothers.
featurelessvoid » neu1 years ago
Unless you count Mother Nature :-(
ethelthefrog » pro1 years ago
Zing.
gormster » neu1 years ago
Wait, was that a joke about Katrina? Is that okay now?
lacrimus » neu1 years ago
It's a thing now. If we can't make jokes about it than the terrorists and weather phenomena have won.
gormster » neu1 years ago
Fucken weather phenomena
Come into our country
Take our jobs
cpnglxynchos » neu7 months ago
sign me up for so much spam!
ravindra108 » pro4 months ago
Just a little tweeking, and you've got youself a haiku:
Damn fucking weather
Coming into our country
Taking our jobs
ravindra108 » neu4 months ago
Holy crap... I wrote that before I saw your next post about haikus...
I'm totally freaking out right now!
biff » neu1 years ago
Beef in agony
Where will he puke this morning?
In the sound baffle
imitationcrab » pro1 years ago
Your picture is a dude with his head up his own ass! It took me sooooo long. To find out. But I found out.
imitationcrab » neu1 years ago
Before I thought it was a ninja in a black mask with a turd on his head.
biff » neu1 years ago
Your picture is a tasty snack! I knew right away.
gormster » neu1 years ago
Oh! Oh, I see it now! Man, maybe you shouldn't have made it a black background? That's really hard to see.
15 points to the first person who figures out what or where my pic is.
valrus » neu11 months ago
"Mondrian ceiling" would be a good band name
miku224 » neu1 years ago
Hooray for the Beatles!
ravindra108 » pro4 months ago
One way ticket, yeah
songbirdspectre » pro1 years ago
I love baffling sound.
k_buttsworthe » neu1 years ago
how does a child scream if he or she is underwater?
katsura » neu1 years ago
my guess is 'hrbhrbherbhrelllrbrl'
plummet » pro1 years ago
insta-chubbied
featurelessvoid » pro1 years ago
errantly-lamed
I accidentally clicked the lame link rather than its chubby neighbor, and now I want a do-over.
katsura » neu1 years ago
I seem to get a lot of accidental laming on Acheworld nowadays!
But it's all right, you get a chubby for owning up to it.
k_buttsworthe » neu1 years ago
that is a sound of nightmares
farqussus » neu5 months ago
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' being screamed hysterically from the door is also a sound of nightmares.
fuckyoufriday » neu11 months ago
Almost 60 chubbies for the sound of drowning children? I think we, as a group, need to get some counseling.
tekende » pro5 months ago
69 now. Freud might have something to say about this.
woodenteeth » neu1 months ago
hedonismbot>>pro ASAP ago
...masturbating furiously
Got your back HB.
plummet » pro1 years ago
Ha ha ha, oh those Wise Guys...
All coming from Chicago on Mafia business, all dunking people's heads in deep fryers, all getting lame shows on HBO...
brian » neu1 years ago
No mothers drowning their children in Kentucky or Tennessee? Is it because of the lack of indoor plumbing?
unfun » neu1 years ago
As a lifelong Tennessee resident, I would like to point you to the above comment about Louisiana.
solobuttons » pro1 years ago
I hate when it's today.
woodenteeth » neu1 months ago
I hate it when it's 15 seconds ago...
forever.
this_is_a_thing » pro1 years ago
As a man of science shouldn't Beef make a noise blocking device to put over his head so he can heave in his own bathroom. Some sort of Barf Bowl. Like a divers helmet, but bigger. Oh but where will he keep it. I guess it's just too much hassle.
gormster » neu1 years ago
Man Beef can't do that shit when he's got depression. He can't even go to the grocery store.
cchauffe » neu1 years ago
this is classic beef, man.
noah » pro1 years ago
Have you guys read Chris Ware's stuff? Onstad talks about him a lot, and I think his influence is really shining through in these all-text panels.
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(when stars are screaming children being drowned by their own mothers)
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i guess i'm a tiger. grr.
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Or rather, I recently watched a documentary about it which could have been made years ago. Who knows.
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That or you're missing: [sarcasm][/sarcasm]
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...pretty retarded, in retrospect.
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*sigh*
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(marked lame by Rykan, shammack, atticusonline)
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who knows, there could be drownings happening in upstate New York as he speaks and we will never know. :[
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They just leave the kids to freeze there.
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(marked lame by straw, evilpaul, Marcus_Brody, Mastronaut)
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:-(
hopefully he will recover soon w/ Molly snorgles.
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PS:I think I got some lames up there for implying that Onstad might have ever done something someone didn't like. Sweet.
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I feel left out of this, because I wasted my whooo.
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P.S. Your city keeps West Texas and the Louisiana Coast in poverty that it might experience the power of Manhattan-priced beers.
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First, Austin is a technological hub, which is fair enough, though that's not as big a slice of the economy as it used to be. It also has Texas' big State University (I know you know these things, public forum and whatnot). Because of that University and (to a much greater degree) the fact that it houses the massive and wealthy state government, it attracts all sorts of investors, but especially real estate investors who wish to work in the state of Texas, with its leasing laws so famously biased towards landowners. These real estate investors will live in Austin, and buy land in rural, especially west, Texas. We then have money flowing "up" from impoverished west Texas to further stimulate the solid Austin economy.
As for Louisiana, I refer to the oil investors of Austin, and the partitioning of the oil resources of the Gulf of Mexico unfairly in Texas' favor.
Both those things are also true of Houston, with one huge difference being that Austin is actually a pleasant place to live, and Houston isn't even a pleasant place to smell from a distance. And the University of Texas at Austin does stimulate the economy statewide, as well as make a legitimate contribution to world knowledge. Parents throughout Texas send their bright and ambitious kids to Austin, where they pay 50% more for a Newcastle than they would in Albuquerque, money that comes at least in part from their parents, elsewhere in Texas. That's a small scam, and those parents know full well they're coming out ahead with UT. But again, it's money flowing "up."
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Come into our country
Take our jobs
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Damn fucking weather
Coming into our country
Taking our jobs
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I'm totally freaking out right now!
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Where will he puke this morning?
In the sound baffle
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(marked lame by fleft, tightersprial, biff)
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15 points to the first person who figures out what or where my pic is.
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how does a child scream if he or she is underwater?
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I accidentally clicked the lame link rather than its chubby neighbor, and now I want a do-over.
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But it's all right, you get a chubby for owning up to it.
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...masturbating furiously
Got your back HB.
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All coming from Chicago on Mafia business, all dunking people's heads in deep fryers, all getting lame shows on HBO...
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forever.
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