Getting High On One's Own Supply.  07/06/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »




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dracer2 » neu 8 months ago
The alt-text made the reference quote so we didn't have to.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
Girls who like boys, who eat cheese, like...

etc.
tripperday » neu 8 months ago
I know what boys like.
I know what boys like.
I know what boys like.

Boys. Like. Cheese.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
My gouda brings all the boys to the yard
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Yes but all the boys are sweaty Frenchmen.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Wat een domme Engelsman.
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Manchego, eet eez fowr zuh, 'ow yew sey, roosticks.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Remember when this kind of thing was "savage," "sensual" and "shocking"?
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Now I can't watch Nick Jr. without some interracial sex.
chico » neu 8 months ago
And there even some on the TV!
harpo » neu 8 months ago
antimatter » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
That oughta make the anti-miscegenationists happy.
mensch » neu 8 months ago
Inter-racial relationships are cool, but that rind is unconscionable.

If only there was some way to obfuscate it.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Last permutation, promise:
[IMGS OFF]
antimatter » neu 8 months ago
Hey, why is the white women expecting to be "cored" by the black gentleman, whilst the Black woman expects a grating experience from the white guy?
plummet » neu 8 months ago
.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
I'm not changing my avaricon just for this joke.
zeppo » neu 8 months ago
Guys, let me tell a joke. Please?
hbaranov » neu 8 months ago
I heartily endorse this product or event.
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
So now I can be just as annoying as sick_cat?

sign me up!
sick_cat » neu 8 months ago
you think just because you're on the internet you can rip off my avatar. bitch. stop it. now!
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
Yes.
Fuck you.
No.
lazarusloafer » neu 8 months ago
Now give it up for my best friend, *Mr. Black*.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Why'd you link that to me? I read every strip in a bona fide manner. (Plus, I don't have enough RAM to open even one of those links without a crash.)
sick_cat » neu 8 months ago
NewEgg.com has $3 envelope shipping for relatively small orders.
lexsenthur » neu 8 months ago
Everyone should read achewood all the way through 6 times.

Once for the initial "What this silliness now?"

Once with the context of all the strips, and you realize you've missed stuff.

Once to read the alttext in context with the strips

Once to appreciate the first few assetbar posts, especially back in the day when the first dozen or so were all gold.

Once for reading the entire thread, or else you might miss some Manflesh posts.

Once more after you've done all that, just to enjoy the comic by itself again.

Take your weakass game (or weak assgame), dump it in a ditch, and read them through the whole thing again like a real player. You may have a number by your name but you don't deserve the title of connoisseur.
epicurus » neu 8 months ago
Gato_enfermo has taken trolling to new depths. Avatar theft was a strong opening move, but to follow it up with a robot that reads comics for you, and then being SMUG about it, is just a masterstroke.

Chapeau, monsieur.
scorpio_nadir » neu 8 months ago
Quote:
Chapeau, monsieur.


Epicurus has jumped the Snark.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Nah he didn't steal the avatar - these seemingly myriad trolls are all the same eternal, invincible* super-troll underneath.

*well, persistent.
mensch » neu 8 months ago
Sorry, trolling is an addiction. As part of my cure I tried to delete my multiple accounts. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to do that. So I now scatter them to the wind:
prisonerx » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
generalripper » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
buckmulligan » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
goldhat » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
clemenza » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
clamenza » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
mrbix » neu 8 months ago
p/w: password
mensch » neu 8 months ago
Somebody please change the passwords so these accounts become dead to me.

I can't help myself!
mensch » neu 8 months ago
Don't forget me: p/w: password

You too can be a Mensch.
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
But don't worry, I'll still be around . . .
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
Note that Mensch and PrisonerX are at "connoisseur" status.

Hurry, while supplies last.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Oh, and:

p/w: breastman
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
But I like the mensch! The other guys are dicks.
hbaranov » neu 8 months ago
Get the passwords reset, delete the reset confirmation emails without reading them.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Remove the head or destroy the brain.
phoenixultima » neu 8 months ago
And two for flinching!
noooo_oo_oo » neu 8 months ago
Does it still count if you do all this before you make your account?
drskradley » neu 8 months ago
I would argue that although it is no longer "savage", "sensual" or "shocking", it happens just as much on TV and movies. It's not denied anymore, just neglected - the main character, when not the Straight White Dude, is the Straight White Chick. I want to see some ebony ramming and/or getting rammed by some ivory a bit more often in areas OUTSIDE of porn.

And while we're dealing with ebony and ivory, why not throw in some bixbite and nunutak and, uh, uh, corundum? Fuck, I'm out of geological metaphors.


Okay, get back to talking about cheese now.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Neither ebony or ivory are minerals, as you seem to be suggesting.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Sorry, that was a bit brusque wasn't it? I'm all hungover and short tempered, and I apologise.
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
Ivory is bone and ebony is wood. Nyah ha ha ha!
drskradley » neu 8 months ago
Yes, I realise both of these truths, assholes, but minerals were the next logical step for racial metaphors. If you can think of bone and wood metaphors for the common racial taxonomies, I'd like to hear them.
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
Bone and wood...ba ha ha ha!

You'll have to forgive me, they pumped me full of anesthetics and painkillers today.
gehen_sie_weg » pro 8 months ago
Ik bedoel, serieus. Wat de fak.

Have some cheese with STRUCTURE.
fineoakstructure » neu 8 months ago
i'm down with that
lexsenthur » neu 8 months ago
Slap some manchego obfuscator on them and they look as good as any non-french.
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
...and what's so wrong with girls liking boys, anyway? Why, I remember a time when couples actually got to LIKE each other before making each other's genitals swell until the point where they could do something about it! If I could have written a song that describes the best feeling on earth, it would be I Know What Boys Like. Good job, Chris Butler. Good job, sir.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Harrumph!

I really enjoy making out and heavy petting - but these modern girls always want more.
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
You must be firm with them, jeffspaulding. You must make them understand that your Special Purpose is not just some penny-arcade joy-stick, to be used and left by any dimestore harlot with a wooden nickel to her name!
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
My wife thinks that she has got a right to my seed (I think she does it to keep me faithful - as if I couldn't make more if I needed to).
never_die » pro 8 months ago
you should also take heed of the two-bit whore. additionally be wary of the less common, feminist, Susan B. Anthony dollar piece skank.
srikamaraja » neu 8 months ago
Some have said she was weaned on chicken milk and cocaine
21echoes » neu 8 months ago
Women Who Love Men Who Love Drugs
fermatprime » neu 8 months ago
But not the xkcd reference!

I didn't realize Connie was into hot ass-love.
cracklewater » neu 8 months ago
I didn't realise Cornelius' mouth could achieve the shape shown in panel 7!

Actually, the split upper lip is a little disturbing, especially making its appearance at this late stage...
slodowy_slicer » neu 8 months ago
This might be the third time that Connie has opened his mouth.
slodowy_slicer » neu 8 months ago
Or not. But I think the number is pretty small if you exclude strips containing Polly.
gormster » neu 8 months ago
The things a man will do for sixty bucks.
spectre » pro 8 months ago
I would eat cheese for 60 bucks.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
And I thought you were a regular guy.
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
"Hey the red wax is coming off this chedda- waitaminit, is this Manchego?!? BLAH! It's gonna cost you at least $ 150 for me to eat fuckin' Manchego, bitch!"
lexsenthur » neu 8 months ago
I've actually had cheese that comes wrapped in woven linen bandages that they put on the cheese and let mold, part of the aging process. You peel the bandages back and then serve up the

It's like working at an army field hospital and finding a delicious treat on rounds rather than a gangrenous limb that needs amputating.
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
Maybe they should mark it in funny body-part shapes! Diseased dong cheese!
daidai » neu 8 months ago
Trust me, you don't want dong cheese. Last time I ever fuck a stripper.
daidai » neu 8 months ago
My avatar is judging me.
harpo » neu 8 months ago
drskradley » neu 8 months ago
It's rare that the use of negative space is so well conveyed.

CHUBBIED.
vegasrebel29 » neu 8 months ago
It's $60 now, but it's fast approaching a six hundo.
coffeecoaster » neu 8 months ago
Rarely do I find prose written in such fashion as to be both tasty and arousing.

This is because I do not often read what Cornelius writes.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Arousing? It was going alright to the cheeseboard came out, then things took a turn for the mega-nasty. The combined maternal and predatory instincts involved in a woman covertly feeding stealth-manchego to a boy literally young enough to be her son, in order to nourish him up for the sexing time, is ghastly. I'm really bothered by the whole thing. I don't even know if I like Cornelius any more.
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
You're right, hatstand. Sex with cougars is hideous and a horrible event.

[IMGS OFF]

But just look at those eyes! How can you say no?
fattybeaver » neu 8 months ago
It's maternal, predatory, and stealthy. What nickname could we possibly give these wealthy elderly women...
stereo » neu 8 months ago
Vampire bat!
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
My baby is a cool machine
She moves to the pulse of her generator
Says damn that sex supreme.
She says damn that horror bat
Sex vampire, cool machine

Release the bats! release the bats!
Release them!
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
Palin
falseprophet » neu 8 months ago
Oh please man there ain't nothin stealthy about Sarah Palin soon as she thinks she got the drop on you she can't help bein a maverick and yells "OH HEY THERE NOW DON'CHA KNOW." She then tries to suck your dick but your boner is gone before it's even out of your jeans.
ethelthefrog » neu 8 months ago
HA!
jesler729 » neu 8 months ago
I, too, let out an oddly distinguished HA.
stsasser » neu 8 months ago
I shall call a woman 'Sugar Pea' today and chuckle inwardly at my sly wit.
spectre » pro 8 months ago
And will you coax her nubbin?
r0g3r_day » neu 8 months ago
I have enough coax here to do three televisions and several nubbbin.
indoorsman » pro 8 months ago
Have i gone completely mad or is panel 7 the first time Cornelius smiles like that?
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
Also the moue he affects in panel four.
spectre » pro 8 months ago
Chubbied for a PBF image in your icon.
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
Not today
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
I'd sell my soul for a puppy
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
Gee Golly
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
Well played
mattylite » neu 8 months ago
I think so, and I think I know where he got that smile, and really that whole pose from:

[IMGS OFF]
plummet » neu 8 months ago
some shop a computer in front of cornelius
it will be fuckin hysterical
usversusthem » neu 8 months ago
Well, I got an image of an Achewood computer... put it down on a white background... then I got a picture of Connie, looking all classical and such... arranged it nicely next to it. I only looked away for half a second, but in my egregious moment of Daedalusian hubris, something truly Mexican happened. See for yourselves:

[IMGS OFF]
srikamaraja » neu 8 months ago
You have made me laugh out loud for nearly an entire minute. Thank you. This has truly been a Momentary Diversion on the Road to the Grave, and I will cherish it forever.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
I've secretly never liked the smiles in achewood pass it on.
scorpio_nadir » neu 8 months ago
Smile when you say that, Shorty.
aperson » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Holy hell. No further proof is needed of Onstad's genius with small curved lines.
plummet » neu 8 months ago
so genius your moustache disappeared
aperson » neu 8 months ago
...Onstad didn't make that picture there.
plummet » neu 8 months ago
but you used his style
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Badly.
stereo » neu 8 months ago
Whoa. whoa.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
...whoa De-li-lah
aperson » neu 8 months ago
God... it does look a bit like Tom Jones.
snuffysmith » neu 8 months ago
i was thinking an ape... but i guess Tom is a bit slopeish
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Yet more anti-welsh racism from the assetbar community.
awko » neu 8 months ago
Once I had <i>What's New Pussycat?</i> stuck in my head and was driving me crazy. I tried everything I could think of to try and drive it out. I blasted death metal, visited psychics, sensory depravation, but nothing worked.

Eventually I bit the bullet and took myself off to a psychiatrist. Upon telling him my probelems he informed me that I had what is known as "Tom Jones Syndrome".

I told him I'd never heard of it and asked "Is it a common problem?"

He replied "Oh, <i> It's not unusual</>
awko » neu 8 months ago
BBCODE!!!!!
jesler729 » neu 8 months ago
I set this as my desktop background. TILED!
spectre » pro 8 months ago
Off topic, but: You know how sometimes you can't get a song out of your head? Ever since I read the phrase "Celebrity Death Beep on my Blackberry" in Ray's blog, I can't get a BUSINESS MODEL out of my head.
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
Girls like a boy who awakens sweat-soaked and violent beside them from dreams of persecution by invisible devils.
jake11 » neu 8 months ago
that's funny, I usually don't get second dates
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
that's funny, they're not usually invisible.
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
"The six cheeses were all British," the article states apologetically.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
I think we've all paid a friend to write pornography for us. Of course, you can write it yourself, but that seems a bit lame. It's hard to imagine James Bond doing that.
narenial » neu 8 months ago
I do believe that Carter Thayer III may be a close cousin of Jack "Tennis" Amore . . .
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Carter Thayer III is a preppy asshole. Jack 'Tennis' Amore is a dude any man would want as a friend.
narenial » neu 8 months ago
In addition:

I wonder if this shall become another 'love romance'?
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Will Connie turn to Philippe for help? Stay tuned.
dr_memory » pro 8 months ago
"Going past the sale," LOLZ, I haven't laughed at this strip so much in a while.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
Check Cornelius affecting something similar to Roast Beef's Writing Triceps in panel six.

I also enjoy how Ray attempts to hurry up the process of having the fiction extended by pressing it against Cornelius' shoulder.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
$1799 seems a little steep for a vibrator that doesn't even penetrate, still it makes coleslaw, so put me down for two.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Not the first confluence of food and vibrators:
[IMGS OFF]
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
Also, have you ever had a milkshake? You don't want to know how that consistency is achieved, believe me.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
This one's for coleslaw, this one's for sex. Don't get them confused or everyone will want to know why your salad tastes so bad.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
This is my corer
This is my gun *grabs crotch*
This is for coleslaw
This is for fun *grabs crotch*
lexsenthur » neu 8 months ago
HE-heeeee!
aperson » neu 8 months ago
In fact octafish, many women do not enjoy penetrative coleslaw making.
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
I guess you just don't have the sexual imagination some women do. Some ladies like getting their slaw cored, if you get what I mean, and what I mean is their vagina.
tekende » neu 8 months ago
Don't stop, or he'll get mad...
dasilodavi » neu 8 months ago
The whole thing invokes an image of powerful business women in suits humping vibrating appliances to get their thrills between their busy schedules.

But what of the Lady realtors who have had menopause?
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
what made you think anyone wanted to see this?
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
neonfreon doth protest too much, methinks
harpo » neu 8 months ago
I thought it was a witty call-back of the Bensington Butters storyline. (menopausal lady realtors and all)

Bravo!
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
Dammit Harpo, you get back in that steamer trunk. You been dipping into Mr. Driftwood's booze again? Imagine you talking.
chico » neu 8 months ago
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
%u0414%u043C%u0438%u0442%u0440%u0438%u0439 %u041C%u0435%u0434%u0432%u0435%u0434%u0435%u0432
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
I said

%u0414%u043C%u0438%u0442%u0440%u0438%u0439 %u041C%u0435%u0434%u0432%u0435%u0434%u0435%u0432
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
oh goddamnit
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
pussylips
antimatter » neu 8 months ago
What did you call me?
[IMGS OFF]
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
I dig the Bob Newhart tie (Chicago, not VT).

It must still be the 1970's in Russia.
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
get one of him smiling it is a wonderful thing 2 see the man smile
mattylite » neu 8 months ago
What the hell man don't talk
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
You keep your bill out of this.
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
the OP was a witty call back, the image was just an image i didnt want to see/didnt want anyone to see me seeing
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
sorry, no hard feelings
smallblackdog » neu 8 months ago
It is an abominable thing
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
I must point out, that cabbage corer does not look like it has any vibrating bits you can safely sit on without having your cabbage cored.
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
You just have to nuzzle on the corner. Haven't you ever broken in a washer and dryer before?
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
thats what she said
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
Why would I have done a thing like that?
theirateturk » neu 8 months ago
Girls don't like boys
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Girls like high-end erotic fiction with strong consumerist motifs.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
Girls like things that make common sense,
What's best for all concerned.
Don't want to have to go out of their waaaaaay and the
Girls want to be with the girls.
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Connie's pulling a Phillipe moment of concentration in panel two.
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
remember when an achewood strip might be like 6 panels at the most and just a few sentences to read

it seems like it's always long and intense now, more novel and less graphic

yup
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
Why complain - are your lips getting tired?
stereo » neu 8 months ago
His finger keeps leaving streaks on the monitor. :(
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
where's the complaint? looks more like a statement of fact to me
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
here's a statement of fact: real soldiers scrap in the heights
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
dude u cant end here
i got a nut on loan form hell
gimme teh wheel an' i'll steer
ib u aint got guts to finish
my dix so hard it grew a mouth an' 8 spinach
u needa write teh rest. NOW!
ma dix grown more meat than a sow
common connie! imabout to more milk than a cow!

im gonna bust a nut

all teh porn ive seen 'til now
feels like a treasure hunt. needa RELAX!
didn't know what i needed to find
turns out it was a rustic woven rind
covered up wit red wax

oooh, imabout to blow my loa'(d)
oh baby finish teh book, i simply must know
what's gonna happen in dat mansion
ma dix a monster of flesh expansion
like a tickin' clock or even a eurasian
cabbage corer, whatever teh fuck is
connie, all i know si i abot 2 JIZZ!
i aint no scientist, i aint no whizz
but i do know i got a nut on loan from hell
ima church steeple an all. my balls teh bell
dont mine me as i beat ma meat thru my pants
when i cum ima hafta take a wide stance
dont be scared, cuz when i blow i yell
ma cum is a consistancey not unlike gel
i fink i just "went past the sale"

but u get teh point
i jus' needa know how it ends
ma blu balls is given me teh bends
once ur done, connie i'ma be in heaven

for ordering information. please see page 47

awwwwww, yaaaaa


plummet » neu 8 months ago
that was ballin
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
This was far more cogent than it deserves to be.
falseprophet » pro 8 months ago
Proper.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
*snaps fingers*
srikamaraja » neu 8 months ago
THIS. IS. RUUUDE!
mirabeau » neu 8 months ago
suggestion for Assetbar: An option to *Ignore Current Arc* would be nice.
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Why, does this arc hit a little too close to home for you?
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Do you live near Ararat?
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Dude, that is harsh.

You compared quality Cornelius time to your plop-plops.

Retract.
stereo » neu 8 months ago
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn if you leave.
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
am i supposed to giv shits? blow out ur ass
plummet » neu 8 months ago
cool story, bro
scottawesome » neu 8 months ago
That's what she said
crom » neu 8 months ago
Oh, you're using Twitter? That's your problem right there. Not everything in the world can be a vapid, 140-character shout for attention.

On the other hand, posting pics of a deuce sounds about right for the medium.
fancypants » neu 8 months ago
Twitter? Nah, I'm not really into Pokemon.
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
I barely knew her
shelbydavis » neu 8 months ago
Correct.
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
I wanna...
shelbydavis » neu 8 months ago
Do you think it is rad to finish people's sentences, wolfensti?
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
cum
epicurus » neu 8 months ago
Yes yes yes oh yes, the perfect way to dismiss anything!
sherief » neu 8 months ago
Tell someone from last year that you are going to "twit pic" your bowel movements and consider how that sounds.
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
That would put your strip count to 0, nay ?
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
How about we split the difference and I just ignore you?
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
How about we ignore the difference and I just split you?
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
about the split difference. we ignore you? how I
plummet » neu 8 months ago
And how I ignore you the difference. Split about.
sherief » neu 8 months ago
In Soviet Russia, difference splits you!
mystkmanat » neu 8 months ago
Sherief, I ain't seen you around before. But you know what? I like the cut of your jib.
sherief » neu 8 months ago
I would think a manatee (or lover thereof) would shy away from sailboat terminology, but the comment is well taken, nonetheless.
plummet » neu 8 months ago
sherief don't like it

rock the casbah

rockin the casbah
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
Rockin the can wait what
mystkmanat » neu 8 months ago
Sailboats are manatee-violence free, luckily. It's those speedboats that tear up my brethren. Manatees have no natural predators-- except the motorized propeller.
thegoblins » neu 8 months ago
Every time I see those little manatees, I want to cuddle their faces.
vihil » pro 8 months ago
"Tease the nubbin from it sugar pea" makes this a 5 for me.
epicurus » neu 8 months ago
I looked up an image of a wheel of Manchego after this, and the nasty-ass rind did indeed put me off. If there were such a thing as the Machego-cheese obfuscator, it would actually work on me exactly as described in Cornelius' story.

Chris Onstad is some sort of quadruple-genius for inventing this product. I mean, I am literally floored by the perfection of this horrible product.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
I don't really see how you can call yourself Epicurus and then start bitching about (relatively) obscure cheese. Shouldn't you be eating a wedge of casu marzu between two slices of dolphin brain, while masturbating into an orphan's face?

I have read The Principal Doctrines, though I may not have fully understood all of them.
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
Epicureans are pussies
epicurus » neu 8 months ago
For those of you who have an interest, you will see that Epicurus actually condemns the sort of hedonism usually associated with his name. The modern "Epicurean", a soccer mom with an armful of fifteen-dollar spice jars, bears no resemblance to the lifestyle advocated by Epicurus.

He advises the cultivation of sustainable, quiet pleasure, such as friendship, good books, art, love, enjoyable toil, etc.

Chocolate and dolphin-brain sandwiches are low on the list.

And if you don't like cheese that looks like an all-season tire, well then that's a-okay by Epicurus.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
He Came To Teach Us Things.
srikamaraja » neu 8 months ago
I Came.
stereo » neu 8 months ago
I saw.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Toooo sooooooon.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
Nice-On-Water is still smarting over the mothballing of concorde. Poor rich bastard.
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Actually, funny story, well not really funny but it's a story and how else would I get you to read it if I didn't call it funny but anyway, I lived about 5 minutes from JFK before moving a few years ago and everyday like clockwork the Concorde would roar by, going to Heathrow (so not the French one). When they grounded the Concorde because (presumably) the French one's crash, I was actually kind of sad about that. People that lived directly over its path weren't, but I developed a kind of Pavlovian reaction to it; lots of times it would make me aware that it was about 6:00 and remind me that I was hungry for dinner. Ah nostalgia!
gazdatronik » neu 8 months ago
Yeah, probly one of the only examples of a DC-10 fucking up another plane, rather than fucking up on it's own.
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
No doubt more the fault of the FAA-"Approved" Celery Root Denuder.
hedonismbot » neu 8 months ago
All of these things epicureans love are for people to weak to give in to the true light of hedonism. I can teach you. Come to my way of life. Bring lube.
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
Bring the chocolate sauce, houuuuuuuhou
kharitonov » neu 8 months ago
Am I the only one who thinks whoever wrote the Amazon description up there really hates Achewood?

"Literally littered the book with observations" is not a compliment, Mr. Onstad.
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Beats the original wording of the blurb: "Literally shit the book through his sphincter."
otter » neu 8 months ago
Chris Onstad literally wrote a book of comics about talking cats.
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
Literally liberally littered the literature with little lascivious elucidations
gato_enfermo » neu 8 months ago
You'll get a chubby this time. But it doesn't mean I like you.
hbaranov » neu 8 months ago
It's okay, we all find you mildly malificent, a mithering mundane maelstrom of mediocrity. Moron.
dezufnocosem » neu 8 months ago
Quote:
lascivious elucidator
Don't you dare call Onstad that again until he has looked it up!
cpnglxynchos » neu 8 months ago
i thought the term was cute.
xi » neu 8 months ago
Is Ray shivering with antici.

.

.

.

Pation?
daidai » neu 8 months ago
...what?
xi » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
octafish » neu 8 months ago
You know, in just seven days I can make you a man.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
I can make you a curry in about 15 minutes.
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
That's pretty impressive, actually.
plummet » neu 8 months ago
I can make noodle soup in 5
xi » neu 8 months ago
Could you make me a Tim Curry in the same amount of time? Because I'd be very much into that. (But will take food-curry gratefully.)
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
He hasn't come out, but I think that Mr. Curry is not too into women (if you know what I mean).

BTW -- beautifully understated performance as the Russian sub doctor in The Hunt for Red October.
xi » neu 8 months ago
I don't mind. I have no issue taking my Tim Curry to a cottage I have built for the two of us and providing him with boytoy after boytoy. As long as I can hang out and he talks to me.

Allll I need is for Tim Curry to say things to me.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
We all float down here?
narenial » neu 8 months ago
Rather . . .
We'll all float on okay. . .
sherief » neu 8 months ago
Summary: There is no reason not to eat poor kids.
wozzeck » neu 8 months ago
Here, here.
jeffspaulding » neu 8 months ago
Don't be modest, that's a wonderful proposal.
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Oh, you're Swift.
smilebuddha » neu 8 months ago
I'm just a spectator in all of this.
shelbydavis » neu 8 months ago
I suppose I can steel myself to the eating of children, but if the birthrate is to fall how can I ever add a son?

Wow, that's a stretch. Sorry, folks.
drcharlesburney » neu 8 months ago
HELLA RAD COMMENT BRO
plummet » neu 8 months ago
bro, cool story
plummet » neu 8 months ago
holy shit chubby
aperson » neu 8 months ago
[comment that shows I am aware of the cultural reference]
aperson » neu 8 months ago
Dammit!!!
CULTURALREFERENCECODE!!!
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
[meta][IMGS OFF][/meta]
randyleepublic » neu 8 months ago
$60 is serious lite.
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
i figure it's somehow related to the cost of a hand job
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
That's a bit steep for a HJ.

Supply and Demand keeps the price down (most people have a couple of hands "on hand" all the time).
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
are you claiming to have personal knowledge of the price of a hand job?
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
My comment was more from an economics perspective.

Although I remember that the crack whores queued-up at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel could be rented for less than $15 (not that I ever partook of such activity - if I'm gonna pay, its gotta be full service [$180-$250, NYC rate]).
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
5 for a throw, 15 for all night?
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
The tunnel girls would just reach into your car. It was drive-through service (you didn't even lose your spot in the line for the tunnel).

For another 2 bucks, you could get a squeegee man for a threesome.
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Sorry, I was making a reference that I thought was well-known enough. I'm...so sorry.
machineelf » neu 8 months ago
250 in nevada, but shit's more expensive when it's legal. you're paying for the lady to get regular checkups, gym membership, etc. it's a whole classy thing. in nevada.
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Who needs gym membership when you got crack. All the low-end NYC hookers are thin as rails. (Its always a turn-on when you can see your joint poking out her skin)
machineelf » pro 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF] Chubby for this strip! 5!
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Ah, the good old days when "love children" were called "bastards."
tekende » neu 8 months ago
I really like that the girl depicted here is rather thin despite the advertisement being for clothing for larger girls.
gladi8orrex » neu 8 months ago
chubby women r disgustin'. this has always been teh case
crom » neu 8 months ago
NO. You are incorrect.

[IMGS OFF]
crom » neu 8 months ago
That, by the way, is the Aphrodite Kallipygos, which literally translates to: Aphrodite of the fine ass.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Crom smashes the dead archetype of the 'ideal' female body shape with a piece of well proportioned classical statuary engaged in lusty anasyrma.
stereo » neu 8 months ago
I gotta admit that is fine-ass statuary.
falseprophet » neu 8 months ago
The Greeks knew that sometimes you do not want a lady to get naked. Sometimes you just want them to remove the obstruction to the hole you want to put it in.
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
And by that you mean removing her son's britches.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
Classic "Does my bum look big in this?" pose. But she ain't chubby. I... I can't be bothered google image searching Peter Reubens, but we all know it is out there.
octafish » neu 8 months ago
P.S. make sure you search for Peter Reubens and not Paul Reubens.
plummet » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
"Here it is."
tekende » neu 8 months ago
This is not a chubby woman.
scorpio_nadir » neu 8 months ago
[Ed McMahon]YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR.

it is a statue.

[/Ed McMahon]
tekende » pro 8 months ago
Well met, sir.
narenial » neu 8 months ago
<img src= "http://feministphilosophers.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/yoghurtad.jpg"></img>
ooh baby . . .
narenial » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]

ooh baby . . .

edit: damn you, BBcode!
neonfreon » neu 8 months ago
"feministphilosophers" just screams sexy
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
"feminist" just screams.
gazdatronik » neu 8 months ago
Who is that luscious 16th century painting of a woman?
narenial » neu 8 months ago
If you're referring to the image I put up, that's a yogurt commercial somewhere. Hell, I'd hit it, and I don't do women.
gazdatronik » neu 8 months ago
My GF looks like that...Not so much in the face, but still she's chunktech hotness...I must buy roses now in which to remove pedals
xiaomimi » neu 8 months ago
This image has severely failed at not turning me on.
scorpio_nadir » neu 8 months ago
She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself.
She made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs...
plummet » neu 8 months ago
i gabe this a chubby because it gabe me one
i_love_kate » neu 8 months ago
Are you sure it's not a chubby your momma gabe you?
plummet » neu 8 months ago
daddy would be mad if that happened
narenial » neu 8 months ago
as a chubby, this ad hurts my sensibilities.

We too can wear A-lines, dammit!
tekende » neu 8 months ago
What's an A-line?
nice-on-water » neu 8 months ago
Nothing like an A-Punk.
scorpio_nadir » neu 8 months ago
It is best lie told on smoothest flamenco guitar with candle light.
woodenteeth » neu 8 months ago
Ray was dissapointed to receive:

... dissapointed and feeling every 56 of her years Judi Wright-Branch watched as Carter Thayer III, heir to millions with the delicious carriage of a true thoroughbred, wiped himself off on a nearby $400 blouse. Some of his semen was still on her hand as he hurried out the door. They had gotten as far as a hand down his pants.

She had a moment of pity for her daughter.
mr-siegal » neu 8 months ago
Can I have his cheese?
gazdatronik » neu 8 months ago
No. She will need the cheese for comfort after such a display.
indoorsman » neu 8 months ago
I wouldn't put it past that crafty Cornelius. We already know how much he likes to hustle Ray.
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
Guys of Assetbar, some scientist have created human sperm from source cells.

The age of the amazones is nigh upon us ! We have been replaced ! We are now useless for the man-eating amazones. Loneal is smiling in her no-man-allowed fort !
octafish » neu 8 months ago
The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth . . . and kill!
cromar » neu 8 months ago
Wanna go to second level?
doppelganger » neu 8 months ago
Quote:
The age of the calzones is nigh upon us!


[IMGS OFF]
cromar » neu 8 months ago
[IMGS OFF]
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Let's be specific about this. Some male scientists have created human sperm from stem cells.
Actually I'm totally cool with men being replaced. As long as we aren't actually hunted for sport I'd be pretty relaxed about a future involving me smoking cigarettes and reading on the patio, while women work in offices and impregnate each other with artificial sperm.
tekende » neu 8 months ago
Why would we get to lounge around and do nothing?
cancer » neu 8 months ago
Because this is his fantasy.
wolfensti » neu 8 months ago
Clearly he want to be the last man on earth, but even then he would not even get some play.
cancer » neu 8 months ago
It's a lame fantasy.
hatstand_mcq » neu 8 months ago
Stop being a dick about my fantasy! I am actually pretty offended.
cpnglxynchos » neu 8 months ago
jam
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