Roomba: Abraham Lincoln

Roomba: Abraham Lincoln 08/16/2004 « prev 1st rand curr next »

To be honest, I really don't give them much in the way of a budget.

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Ol' Honest Abe liked to sit with one leg crossed on his knee while watching serious plays.

And he got really annoyed when he was shot by John Wilkes Booth and had to go to the cemetery.

He did not pass Go. He did not collect $200.

Which is weird, because the play he was watching when he was assassinated was a comedy.

I'd be particularly annoyed if someone shot me in the back of the head while I watched a comedy. Particularly.

Booth even timed the shot up with the biggest laugh line so the sound would be hidden by the noise of the audience
of course the whole "jump on the stage, yell in latin, and hobble off" bit afterward kind of sinks the stealthy aspect of the plan, but points for effort, right?

Apparently his original plan was to go out the way he came in, but his way was blocked.

I love the look Beef gives to T... all dick and such.

Couldn't have put it better

I think he looked more like a guy missing part of his face, because he got shot in the head. Like all dead on the floor, maybe even bonked his noggin on the balcony. Lost his hat. Bleeding on his wife.

OHH SHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!

It was a derringer; also not that large a caliber to blow his face off. I saw some of that memorabilia stuff at the Smithsonian ages ago.

If I remember correctly, the bullet didn't exit his head. He also didn't die instantly - he was in a coma and died a day(ish?) later. There was hella swelling and his face was pretty grotesque, but not missing.

This is all to say, he could have given Booth a look such as Roast Beef's.

some even got on THE MAYOR

It's that thing women do, where they glare at you like you're the rude one for bringing it up.

*glare*

...Osteoporosis?

ba dum tish.

P.S. - It has been Lupus once now.

Preposterous.

Assetbar's greatest failure to date is that it will not let me both chubby and lame this joke.

Not only was his evening ruined, he had to make his own way to the cemetery. How sad.

How are they steering? Do they like make a path of crumbs for the Roombas beforehand?

There are remote controls.

Philippe is standing on them.

Panel 6: "Dang it, now I have to go to the cemetary."

I wish that was how people died. All "goddammit, one more thing to have to do." I can see myself sitting with recently-dead friends at a bar, them going "yeah... now I gotta go in and get embalmed tomorrow, and then I've got the funeral Friday... ugh. Always one more goddamn thing. SIGH"

"Always one more goddamn thing." This is the best thing to say after you die.

I picture it like Harry Dean Stanton near the beginning of Fire Walk With Me, where he's all "See, that's just more shit I gotta do."

Like when you're playing Capture the Flag, and you have to walk to the prison.

This is the best of the Roomba strips.

Weekend Blogs (Friday - Sunday)

Ray: Kind of a Hawaiian Thing!
Roast Beef: Manlyhoodstyle
Pat: I thought I respected Robert; I guess I do not.
Teodor: Am I Blind?
Onstad: County Fair

Today's Blogs

Philippe: President stuff.
Mr. Bear: Silly me.
Lyle: golden bear
Onstad: I do not appreciate this.
Little Nephew: Nasty!

I love how Beef always puts on a shirt and tie no matter what 'movie' it is.
Another one that made me laugh out loud.

John Wilkes Booth doesn't care, all hand on his hip, expression not changing. This is how I imagine it in history as well.

<-- THE
CEMETERY

This reminds me of an early Monty Python skit. John Cleese is interviewing a very old man in a garden, and in the time it takes Cleese to say the man's ridiculously long name, the man dies. Cleese then irritably gets up, fetches a shovel and starts digging a grave. As though that's the thing you do.

It's hilarious if you see it.

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger- dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-n�rnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-sh�nedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-auchervon Hautkopft of Ulm

dang. cut off. once more, with feeling!!

ohann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- n�rnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- sh�nedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm