Chilling with Lee Sungjae.

Chilling with Lee Sungjae. 11/07/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

When he did not eat enough chocolate, there was hell to pay.

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enough chocolate was not eaten. enough tears, however, were shed. we're gonna miss you, lee

Yeun-ja might pretend, but she will never forget.

[IMGS OFF]

yes.

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Looks like they're waiting for Polly to work the table.

[IMGS OFF]

caring about people is a drag

I remembered one more lonely heart:

[IMGS OFF]

I bet he's got Beef's Playgirl in a shrine.

I bet he's got his hand on Phillip's thigh.

Rejected storyboards from the last episode of the Soprano's?

[IMGS OFF]

Bravo!

this

this

oh my god

i love you, man

SYYYYYNERRRGGYYYYYY

Wait....are we not done with giving David Chas lip?

Uncool to conflate homosexuality with pedophilia. They are not the same. Pederasts come from both sides of the aisle.

CrazySantorumQuote:

In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be

[IMGS OFF]

INVALID

It's posts like this that make me want to lower my hide-by-lame-count. I hate missing a good post that was lamed for no reason, but more often than not there is a fantastic reason.

I dunno, it can't be that bad, it only got 6 lames, whereas the average frist psot gets three times that many.

tl;dr

thats pretty lazy of you man. the above post is a picture with 2 words and an arrow. in otherwords Ntl;read.

That may be the pst above mine BUT i was referencing the really long post by "wtf" and assetbar can be screwy sometimes and not show things in an intelligible order. Also I am sorry for double posting.

mockereo is too lazy to install assetbarista

I don't even know what that does. I'm just here to read a comic cause i enjoy it. no frills for me.

tl;dr

Future Godwin is spinning in his grave. They have attached magnets to his corpse and are using him to power their cities.

BILLY IDOL IS ALL LIKE

NOT CARING ABOUT PEOPLE IS EASY MAN

[IMGS OFF]

Someone needs to P-shop Cornelius on the end PRONTO!

do we know his wife's name? i can't think of it immediately.

Polly. Well that's her name at the club Corny met her at...

Iris Gambol was Cornelius' wife.

One of them.

Oh God, I suddenly see this as Teodor just passing by their table in some kind of specialty restaurant where everyone wears hats of mourning.

Hat Of Mourning -- HOMburg

[IMGS OFF]

Purity Of Essence -- POE

what are you talking about? He's not even trying to parody fundamentalists...

Fluoridation. Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women...
but I... I do deny them my essence.

OH GOD ME TOO

it cannot be unseen

I once tried to eat enough popcorn. It is actually not as much as you might think.

I would think that the butter and salt would get to you before the actual popped substance itself did.

Exactly. You are not just speaking from conjecture are you?

No. I, too, have tried to eat enough popcorn.

I think I'd pretty much decided that I'd had enough popcorn after my first small bag.

Look, this fucking freak doesn't like popcorn. I wanna beat you up for not liking popcorn.

I enjoy the word "popcorn" if that wins me any uncontroversy points? The actual polystyrene-esque snack food does very little for me, though.

The popcorn itself is merely a textured vehicle for the butter and salt (and a bit of freshly grated romano if you are extra fancy). One must insist on real butter, not butter-flavored grease. Otherwise is senseless.

Some men consider fish a dish, but fish isn't a dish, fish is a vessel for God. Also known as Old Bay.

I guess men also make this same mistake with popcorn.

Oldbaydammit! I thought fish was a dish.

and it is quite delish.

Don't you wish

That my curtains looked as swish?

...a nice big plate of
Fish, which is my favorite dish
But without no money it's still a wish

I wish I could chubby this harder, octafish. I have been listening to the 7-minute Coldcut remix all week and it is a perpetual chubby in my ear canals. (Oh god what have I wrought)

lobster: chewy butter.
popcorn: crunchy butter.

Skippy: peanut butter

Skippy: The Bush Kangaroo.

Your mother: I want to fuck her.

I just read again and realized that your first and only popcorn experience involved a small bag. There is never good popcorn in a small bag.

folks,

smartfood white cheddar popcorn.
hell and damn yes.

[IMGS OFF]

Shouldn't it be "cheese[hyphen]flavored," not "cheese flavored"?

I'd say "cheese" flavored would be even more accurate.

Very suspicious of any food with the word "smart" on its packaging.

SO WRONG

THIS IS FOOD FROM THE GODS

At least it's honest.

It's smart enough to know there isn't anything even vaguely cheese related any where near this package, and smart enough to know you don't care.

who cannot say they too haven't tried?

how much is enough?

WHY FIND OUT

cock piss partridge

This has no future as a meme. Try harder.

[IMGS OFF]

Oh geez, you're right about no future. Here it is for the sake of stubbornness

http://img.waffleimages.com/94778599da5651205aa785655a549a6a34e6063c/cockpisspartridge.jpg

nevermind. :(

Try harder.

Nah, I'm convinced.

[IMGS OFF]

Sorry 'bout that last one. Me mum made me do it.

[IMGS OFF]

Recursive

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less effective since you changed your avatar

What I like about this? Someone has actually bothered to sketch it out in pencil first, then (nearly) erase the lines and draw, anew and better, a more artistically pleasing dickbutt. That kind of thing doesn't just happen by not caring.

That person is KC Green.

[IMGS OFF]

RICHARD BUTKUS?!

dick butkis

butkus

you're a dick butkus

tell your mom i want my DVDs back. and my underwear, too.

Fuck you, plummet. You know why.

And fuck you for reasons you know nothing about, plummet.

Plummet stole my avatar

Verily did I laugh upon seeing your modification sir

thegoblins thinks of nothing but murder all day

Paul Blart?

"Cook pass and babtridge?"

how long till todd realizes he's been swimming in his own pee all this time?

Swimming in pee...whose name was Lee.

I'm pretty sure Todd does that every day.

Did you cry in your house Eagle?

It is the Saddest Thing.

I cry everywhere, fish

He's a terror to koi carp the world over.

A little of his pee. A little of other people's pee. He likes to mix it up (the pee that is).

Don't cross the streams

An important point of urinal etiquette.

Live by it, lest Todd help a guy beat you up.

An appropriate icon?

[IMGS OFF]

An NEA Grant well spent.

Pee-Christ!

Peezus Christ

Jesus Pisst

For an art show, I did the Nike symbol on transparent plastic secured in a jar of my piss. "Piss Swoosh".
I also had a "Nike Mutilation Station" where you could pound nails into Nike shoes.

I really did this.

Well I liked the pun, and I kinda feel sorry for Serrano, fucking George Pell, so I gave you a chubby.

Gross

Coming from your avatar, that's saying something.

Todd Rising From the Urine.

Alternatively, Piss Squirrel

does anyone understand the meaning of ATH? It's not a TLA I'm familiar with... sounds like one of those TCP-based protocol commands but I've no idea which one.

Three plus signs issued in rapid succession on just about any analog modem causes the modem to drop into command mode, where instead of passing on the information received from the local computer on to the remote modem, it instead interprets this information as commands. If the local computer subsequently issued the command "ATH" to the local modem, this would cause it to hang up, thereby disconnecting it from the remote modem. "EOF" would not to my knowledge be part of any modem command set, but this is a Mystical Realism Modem, so who knows. "EOF" means "End of File" and in the present Mystical context seems to signify finality.

My goodness. Chubbies for you sir.

It is worth nothing that an EOF (not the characters 'EOF', but the control char \0) would cause a telnet session to terminate. Of course, sending this after the modem has hung up is probably pointless.

Holy ballsacks. That was as epic as noticing old-style computer commands in relation to a comic strip about a squirrel swimming in his own pee transformed into a text-based adventure via North Korean Magical Realism can get. A chubby for you and yours.

wow I thought most people would know what the three plus signs mean. I figured most people would notice that right away. Now I feel kinda old. And nerdy.

I forgot to mention that there also needs to be a pause of a second or so during which no data is sent after the three plus signs as a safety for in case three plus signs just happened to be part of the data stream being sent.

I don't know if the three plus sign thing was always a part of the standard modem command set used by all modems, or if it was introduced later on, because I didn't start messing with computers until the late 80s. So I can't verify that it did exist back in the time of the Commodore PET. But it certainly might have.

In other news y'all have just given 40 chubbies to an account controlled by AIU. MUUUHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA.

*sigh* remember back when you could embed javascript into assetbar? Those were the days.

AIU: no one can reasonably dispute you are smart, very well-versed in old school skillz, and inclined to be kind when imparting your technical knowledge. That post deserved all the chubbies it's gotten!

If you do good posts, you get chubbies no matter who you are. It's not complicated.

Well, except Asherdan apparently. There was a while there where it didn't matter what he said, he still got a massive flurry of lames as a cathartic judgement upon his very person.

More to the point, I personally figured it was you anyway. With a name like "wtf", a default picture, and being an old Female who's never posted before, it's kind of obvious.

I still didn't give a fuck, though. Good posts are appreciated. It's the way of the world.

Agreed. If I can enjoy The Pianist and Chinatown despite their creator's obvious flaws, I have no standing to begrudge you some chubbiness.

What, just 'cause he's Polish?

Quoi?

Mel Gibson is a hell of a movie writer but I don't hate jews!

Well if you do that i for one will ignore you.

Well, AIU, considering it's THE INTERNET, I wouldn't exactly believe him if he said he was Satan (who is different from the Anti-Christ you fucking eschatologically unsound cunthead!) or anyone else notorious, for that matter.

But regardless - the anonymity of The Inter-Net, like many artforms*, provides the ability to be judged on the merit of your output purely within that medium, and not in your everyday life. So basically put:

If I don't know who they are or what they get up to in their everyday lives, then I can and will only judge them on their post merit.

In fact, fuck it - even if I DO know that they're baby-raping fascists, I'll still try to judge them on their post merit only. If I want to be optomistic, then perhaps it'd promote them to not be such an asshole "Hey! I can get good vibes from posting well! I don't have to oppress the working class or steal the innocence of young girls anymore - I get just as much of a high from good writing! Wow, thanks, Dr Skradley!"

*The internet is not an artform. You know what I'm saying.

But that's only if I want to be optomistic, which is a bit of a drag I'll be honest.

Quote:

fucking eschatologically unsound cunthead!

Chubby for the beautiful juxtaposition of the urbane and profane.

so.... if Satan isn't the anti-christ... does this mean that AIU can be the anti-christ? cool!

Has AIU accessed the temple in Jerusalem?

There are specific Prophecies that need to be held up before we can call Antichrist on someone. Baiting people on the small discussion forum of a webcomic in a small corner of the internet doesn't quite cut it yet. More effort than even Javascript is needed.

Besides, traditionally the Antichrist has a lot of followers who claim him (or her) to be the Messiah, thus using his appeal to secretly corrupt true believers and profane God. I would say a certain Anally Desirous Doctor would more likely fit that bill for the Assetbar Antichrist, but even he's not manipulative enough or motivated enough.

Quote:

In other news y'all have just given 40 chubbies to an account controlled by AIU. MUUUHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA.

I just pretty much assume everyone who's not me is controlled by AIU. It's kind of like being Roddy Piper in "They Live," only with fewer guns and more knees to the groin.

Careful, Invidious is all outa gum.

I think it's far more important that you couldn't post from one account and continually rake in chubbies. I wonder how this translates to your real life?

Us folks with numerous accounts gain satisfaction from our total chubby count. If you had two bank accounts of $600k each, you'd still be a millionaire. (btw, my total chubby county is > 3,000)

Also, don't label them "troll" accounts; sometimes I wish to speak with a different voice (think Stephen King/Richard Bachman).

"count*

Thank you.

You make a good point. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

That ain't no Marlboro cigarette between your lips.
Welcome to chubby county.

chubby county tastes kinda salty

whatdayamean translates to my real life? I'm not clear on what the subject of that sentence is. I'm not being flip, I'm simply confused.

My anti-thesis! Fight!

I have no interest in this discussion, but the opposing avatars amuse me.

How about a haiku:

Rising from the piss,
Todd cries out for his lost friend,
sent to Distant Town.

Punishment comes swift
a single tear slides downscreen
there are no exits

The woman still balds
Her husband is gone now
we'll miss you Lee

Glorious Leader
Fails at chocolate consumption
I have... no regrets.

Shitty little man
Meets Lee and finds compassion
Now changed forever

really should end with a question mark.

Shitty little man
Meets Lee and finds compassion
With a question mark

I see your point.

pardon me while i cover myself!

Piss Piss Piss Piss Piss P. Squirrel?

Which does, in fact, sound like a Tom Waits song.
Will we see this on your next album?

::banjo plucked, scratching of piano strings, single tom thumped::
TODD...TODD...TODD...TODD...TODD...TEEEEEEEE SQUIR'L...RAAAAAAAAAAAAASING UP FROM THE YURRRRRRRRN...

If I had chubbies to give you'd get one, but in any case this is exactly what I had in mind. You've done me a kindness today, sir.

(A kindness being worth about 1 1/2 favors and roughly 3 solids.)

Roughly, it all depends on the strength of the yen.

It depends on strong, rough yen.

Glad to be solid, happy to be kind, hip to be square. Still though, a solid is worth more than a favor? Seems counter intuitive to me.

Continuity is getting pretty complex. I eagerly anticipate Crisis on Infinite Piss-Earths.

There's a place where lovers go
To cry their disloyalty away
And they call it Distant Town
Where the broken hearts stay
(Distant town...)

Gotta make a move to a
Town that's right for me
Town to keep me movin'
Keep me groovin' with some energy

Well talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about moving...

Won't you take me to
Distant town

What is Distant Town?
Distant Town is here
It's the town wherever people
learn to live in fear
So look around you've finally found
the place you asked about
For Distant Town is your town
if you're hopeless, down, and out

Chubby for being clever in just so many ways.

Well, two.

think distant town, a small city

It's dark, dark in the daytime
The people sleep, sleep in the daytime
If they want to, if they want to

I see what you did there. And I love it.

Well now, everything dies, Lee, that's a fact
And is buried with Il's revolutionary tract
Wipe your makeup off, let your dreams down
And meet me tonight in Distant Town

One of my favourite lines...."I've got debts no honest man can pay."

I'm not much of a Springsteen fan but "Nebraska" is really good.

dude no.
the best (only good) thing about nebraska is that you don't have to pay attention to the highway until lincoln.

sorry, NE; i just hate you.

[IMGS OFF]

right back at ya.

I lived in Nebraska for literally the worst 10 months of my life. *shudder* I lived in Central City working overnights at the radio station there, and ended up moving a half-hour away to Grand Island, the third-largest city in the state (yet which no one has heard of), just to get away from the prying eyes of the human vultures in small-town Nebraska.

are you sure you're not just schizophrenic?

Pretty sure. Never can be totally sure, though, can you?

Disconsolation, thy name is Distant Town.

...................__
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........../'/.../..../......./��\
........('(...�...�.... �~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.��
............\..............(
Godspeed, Lee. Godspeed.

Goddammit, Assetbar. Goddammit.

was that supposed to be an ascii penis?
........................_,-%/%|
...................._,-'....\//%\
................_,-'........\%/|%
.............././.)....__,--../%\
..............\__/_,-'%(%..;..%)%
......................%\%,...%\
........................'--%'.........

assetbar is basically Israeli Mystical Magical Realism.

what you have there is a pig head going into a wood chipper backwards.

Fuck me, I see it.

Is that all it takes to get laid around here?

Is there a better way?

At least I have always found that seeing a pig's head fed backwards into a wood chipper makes people extremely reluctant to reject my charming sexual advances.

do I have to tell them I can see it? Is that where I'm going wrong? Just seeing it doesn't seem to cut it.

Yes. The effect becomes more potent the more vivid your description. The ideal results are achieved by an actual demonstration; few things make people more pliant than a forceful illustration of a wood chipper's versatility.

Personally, I find that the first attempt at ASCII appears to be a van in the midst of breaking the 88mph time-barrier. Lord preserve us if Todd were to travel into History.

One p-p-p-oint t-twenty one g-g-gigawatts?

See me, I fuck it.

See me feel me touch me fuck me.

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.

I wouldn't fuck you. I'd just fiddle about.

Strange as it seems his sexual dreams ain't quite so bad...

Freudian Dave presents "Today in 'Silence of the Lambs' history..."

erase him

Assetbar confirmed for being part of Ultraviolet Thunder's inner circle.

Looks like assetbar FFFD this post.

[IMGS OFF]

Lee was a TRUE BRO

Heh, what?

@ xi -- You're crazy if you think any of us will erase the modicum of hipster cred we've amassed by playing along with a lame Mike Meyers gag.

You are on the wrong board.

I am adequately reprimanded. I'm sorry guys.

Verklempt? Get your pseudo Yiddish vaguely right, now.

Is expression from Beverly Yidbillies...

Get yourselves back here sometime, already, ya hear me?

Also: Clampett, not Clemp(?)

Jethro only gradjiated 3rd grade.

3rd grade of Hebrew school.

Hah, verclampett...

Is he bald? I thought he had lotsa hair.

Anansi the lanky spidery trickster god.

how in hell did you fuck up that yiddish so hard?
Jesus' brother Bob wants to hit you. that crazy bastard.

Proof that she really was farklempt. If you can spell it, you ain't feelin' it!

chubbied for TMBG reference

not for the 'Worms, though, eh?

carrot juice=murder

Todd comes out to be the good guy in this storyline. You win again, universe.

The photograph is in my hand. Ten seconds from now it is slowly falling to the floor after the men grab my wrists after the men step through the doorway after the light from the outside blinds me temporarily after I hear the door begin to creak.

The photograph shows a man and a woman. The woman has a head of thick, full hair. The woman's stomach has not been distended by growth and life.

The photograph was taken at a time when I believed it was a good thing that the State would provide me a wife. It was taken seven months six days and five hours before we said "I do." Seven months six days and two hours before I looked at myself in the mirror and straightened my tux and looked at my own acne-ridden face for the last time as a single man and thought "In any other country I would die lonely" and shuddered that I had even allowed the concept of other countries to enter my mind.

The photograph is in my hand. The man and the woman do not smile. Do not frown. They look ahead, dignified, respectful, not at anything or anyone. They do not feel hatred for one another. They do not feel love for one another. They do not look at one another. It is the official documentation submitted as a record of their first date submitted along with completed Form 42B-Y6 rev. A.

The photograph is in my hand. It was taken seven months and six nights before I consummated with my wife. The existence of the female orgasm is not addressed by Form 42B-Y6 rev. A. It is neither confirmed nor denied. What is confirmed is that her breath quickened, her nails bit into my back, and we looked at each other both with desire and disbelief. For this, I thanked the State.

I always thought Moore is a bit overrated. I actually like ^^^ this much better.

This sounds like Orwell. What is this?

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gizmodo/2009/10/3393491131_bfc0cb4d50_b.jpg

The last panel always makes me start hearing "The Stars Are Projectors" by Modest Mouse in my head, which is not a bad song to hear in your head.

my iRemember constant internal mental playlist just changed songs... thanks. i was almost tired of carry me ohio by sun kil moon

You got good taste in internal grooves.

that...
is what she said.

Or what a true gentleman would say to her, in the appropriate circumstance. Isn't that right, thegoblins?

me and gobs got History.

n' me and blue got another date Thursday next at the Iowa Machine Shed in Davenport. (itinerary forthcoming)

Uh, NO, not after our last date. I'm not falling for that little routine again.

it was really your fault. you ordered the oysters.

It is impossible to get tired of Carry Me Ohio.

Except live.

Get a fucking band, Mark.

she could stand up freely inside the car; she was his wife; they are both gone now

I'm going to look at nude pictures of stars now.

Most of those are photo-shopped with a picture of the star on somebody else's galaxy.

All we ever see of stars are their old photographs, in some of them they are nude.

I think this is the first time Todd has ever expressed compassion for anyone who wasn't just a crappy little squirrel like him.

great comic... one of the best.

For some reason, I wasn't really diggin' this arc, but this strip... Guys, did- did Onstad just create a new artform?

Yes he did! I've been saying this for weeks (about two strips)!

The style is nothing new; I remember Kevin O'Neill (he of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen fame) did something similar in a Future Shocks story for 2000ad magazine[i]way[i] back in the day.

Sorry.

I don't know why people seem to think this is a new medium. It's just a comic in which a lot of dialogue needs to happen, and one of the characters is a computer program. This format seems pretty logical.

Not sayin' it's not inventive, though.

In reply to utv and Troy_Convers:

Sure, plenty of people have combined comics and prose, but I don't think I've ever seen the adventure game format used in comics befo- oh, wait.

I get the impression Onstad's more interested in prose than comics these days. I sometimes find it a bit tiresome when he keeps sitting his characters in front of a typewriter, but in this arc he found a really original and visually appealing way of shoehorning in huge blocks of text. It's been nice to see him write in a new voice, too. He has a real ear for the text adventure style. I hope he gets round to writing that Achewood game some day.

I think Onstad's itching to write a couple of books but feels guilty he'd have to desert his beloved Achewood. it's happened before when a writer/artist outgrows his creation (Frank Cho & Liberty Meadows #wistful look in eye# comes to mind), but hey, heart wnts what it wants Chris. the alternative is to do a Matt Groening and watch your baby slowly descend into senility as you wring every last penny from it.

You know what Matt Groening creation I'm on about...

Life in Hell, of course.

Doh!

But every penny he's wrung from it has been wonderful. That makes it OK.

So... Lee IS the program?

He's not any kind of program, Sark. He's a User.

so if todd dies in text adventure..... he dies IRL, too?

you die in the game you die for real

Allegra, what if we're not in the game anymore?

THE GAME

I lost it.

I'm sure you can find it on Amazon for like eight bucks.

[IMGS OFF]

"I'm sure you can find it on Amazon for like eight bucks."
Or in a junk shop for pennies. Bought a job lot of old Queen albums for 3 quid in a car boot sale once, great frisbees.

I am conflicted by your great Britishness and your total distaste for Queen (instead your of distaste for some of Queen).

I am of distaste for many things, but not for Queen. Also I'm totally going to ride around on my bicycle singing "The Game" for the next two hours. Thank you, internet.

In that case, I am going to ride around in my car with said album tied by a piece of string to the rear bumper. Sort of like a bizarro 'just married' thing.

Wonder how much will be left at the end..?

You should chose a different album, one with Freddy Mercury's mustache on its cover. Then you can say you have a mustache ride. God please smite me now.

If it's not "The Game" then my horrible pun above wouldn't have made sense, so "The Game" it must be.

is your name a reference to thee goblins, or are you terrible?

nardwuar makes my heart sing.

Whatever it is, we know that she thinks about nothing but murder all day.

it's murder.
MASS MURDER.

If a man die
It is because death
Has first
Possessed his imagination.

William Carlos Williams - who I suspect must have been a really terrible doctor.

All scribbling furiously about chickens next to a wheelbarrow while a small child lies dying.

"There are thirteen ways of looking at a blackbird, but, dammit, I have no idea about that lump."

The body cannot live without the mind.

The how does one explain Billy Ray Cyrus?

I have an idea for a reality show starring him...

(un)pimp my daughter?

Let's Hunt & Kill Billy Ray Cyrus

so his success was completely by accident?

I'm bringing you up on incorrect correct preposition use.

if i gave a rats ass, would you accept it?

This is my new favorite phrase.

According to the 'Strips Viewed' counter, this is the 1600th episode of Achewood. Sweet.

Come to think of it, since the eighth anniversary of Achewood was only a month or two back, that averages out to a little under 200 strips per year or just shy of four per week.

Even as one who is feels disappointment when there are only one or two updates per week, that's a pretty fine average.

Teodor is careful not to straighten too quickly in his new running shorts.

Meanwhile, it's good to see that Teodor has some reasonable legs now*: http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuadQdCGH

*Or again. I forget, really.

is it possible to extrapolate the diagonal scripts?

[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]

The doctors did the best they could I am so sorry

Er, no.

Hold on... I don't think this is a complete failure. The second and third blurs are definitely reprints of the first paper feed panel where Todd says "like when you were just a k-k-kid?". I can't figure out what the first blur is... anyone else?

I'm pretty sure the text in the first one is mirrored.

I can almost make it out...

What do you mean by mirrored? For some reason I really want to figure this out...

Dear. God. I. Am. Not. A. Religious. Man. But. Please. Help. Me. See. The. Connection. Here.

Here's what it says:

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murdering pattle.

I'm truly sorry man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth born companion
An' fellow mortal!

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
'S a sma' request;
I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,
An' never miss't.

Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
It's silly wa's the win's are strewin!
An' naething, now, to big a new ane,
O' foggage green!
An' bleak December's win's ensuin,
Baith snell an' keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
An' weary winter comin fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro' thy cell.

That wee bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,
Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!
Now thou's turned out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld.

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

Still thou are blest, compared wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

In Scotland, people have actual-ass dinners to remember the guy who wrote this. They eat haggis and recite his poetry and nobody cares that he sired a bunch of illegitimate children, as would be appropriate in Scotland.

That's appropriate everywhere. But especially when you're a Scottish poet, admittedly.

You are a Scottish Poet. There is a huge wealth of illegitimate offspring here.

>Sire that offspring

You are now a national hero.

Owe gie to me a shillin for some fags
And I'll pay yer back on Thursday.
But if you can wait till Saturday
I'm expecting a divvy from the
Harpenden Building Society.

Watching MP as a kid this joke was lost on me since (being from the US) I didn't know the stereotype about Scots being cheap.

They have hella stereotypes, probably the only nation to be notorious for being dour and uptight, AS WELL AS being permanently angry and addicted to heroin.

Shit. Wasted chubbies on damned William Carlos Williams gags and now I'm out for a C:DOS/Robert Burns quip.

Gotcha covered.

heh, "breastie".

Not real sexy when it rhymes with "yeasty."

"Mirrored"? It is clearly left-justified and top-to-bottom.

Yep, you're rught about it being justified left-to-right. I could have sworn I was looking at reversed text. Guess I was squinting too hard.

That first one doesn't seem to be directly from any comic in this series, at least nothing that appeared as text already.

Just going by the "Word word, Argh I trippin' Argh." in the 2nd last paragraph, nothing remotely similar appears.

Woah Woah Woah. Aren't there only 2 distorted parts in this comic? Where'd you get 3?

2 of the 3 are the same part, just skewed differently.

I actually tried like 4 different ways for each. Those are the most legible.

Ah cool. Got it now.

it says:
C:\> Fuck yeah, S-Stick it to the man!

It felt bad to do such a thing. But though I was assigned my family only two winters ago, I care for them. I know them rather intimately, in fact; I have made a very thorough study of their faces; I am happy when they are happy, and I am sad when they are overcast with care. Why, there is an old gentleman I see every day in the kitchen with whom I have practically struck a friendship.

C:\>huh, you live with a buncha random jagoffs?

They were good people. I had only the fear that I had not been lucky in acquiring a single acquaintance with a woman during the eight years I had been living there, perhaps the woman in my house, we called her who screams may have been the for that. But what did I want acquaintances for?

C:\>You went eight years with no p-poon?

There was a girl who I spoke to once. They accidentally dropped her iron ore to smelt for the week by my door. If I kept it she would not meet quota! I took it to her right away, and when I brought it to her she took it and smiled at me. My heart rejoiced! I saw a jar of peanut butter that no one had yet touched once, her skin was like that perfect surface, such was the beauty of Soo-Kyung. I couldn't speak to her, as I left I looked at the window but all to no purpose: it did not make me feel a bit better!

C:\>Woah! I've never seen a new jar of peanut butter, but she sound's f-fricken hot! Did you ever get her back to your place?

I never did, Todd, it was not to be. I made my plans to ask her to the prom. In my young excitement I asked him how he would ask a girl like Soo-Kyung to the prom. He was my strongest friend. But when I spoke to her it was too late. She was going to the prom with him.

The perspective of the paper confuses me.

I'm going to forgoe the usual assetchat and comment directly on the strip (as opposed to praising photobuggery and parroting memes). The artwork is absolutely jaw dropping today.

Well done Onstad.

You must now report to the Distant Site.

C:/> F-f-f-fine Jerkwad, i'm at the distant site. what now?

You must try to collect "Tiny cans of Dr Pepper" or something I guess.

C:/> Bitch abou' an o-o-obsolete an' unpop-p-p-pular achewood forum! Yeah do that!

You are in a maze of twisty little encyclopedia entries, all alike! You can see a spherical jigsaw puzzle with some missing pieces, above you and to the left, and is is present above you and to the left no matter where you go.

There are a dizzying multitude of exits, all of them incorrect.

Quote:

...opposed to praising photobuggery and parroting memes

[IMGS OFF]

THANKS FOR THE COMMENT YOU COCK, CAN WE GET RID OF YOU SOMEHOW?

The Nice Pete avatar gave that extra gravity in my mind.

[[high5]]
that was rad.

C:\> WOW THANKS FOR THE NEW STRIP ONSTAD

It is dark in here, and you hear Grues approaching.

C:\> CAN WE GET 3 MORE THIS NOVEMBER?

The Grues, uncomfortable with the idea of frequent Achewood product, pelt you with lames.

*** You have died ***
You scored 12 of a possible 295 points, earning the rank of Bearer of Bad News

C'mon Dai, Onstadt doesn't need you to defend him.

He can just shut down Assetbar any time he likes. THEN they'll be sorry. Oh, how sorry they'll be that they whined about not getting comics.

I've seen it done. He shut it down to save his friend Tony Millionaire possible embarrassment, but opened it again once he realized that we would play nice.

There, you see?

The Onstadt Giveth, and the Onstadt taketh away.

[notice how I no longer complain about gaps between strips? Yeah.]

End of file. Lee will always be remembered as an honourable man.

Lee will not be remembered.

Lee who?

Y'know, Lee. That stripper we saw last week at the Red Herring Taco Club, with the Type 1 Osteogenesis Imperfecta and that one boob just a little lower than the other. I felt kind of sorry for her, especially when her boyfriend bust in there half-way through her act all "DAMMIT LEE", dragging her off the stage even though it was a four-foot fall in six inch stilettos.

How can you live with doing that, Farqussus?

drink

If this strip is the end of the North Korean Magical Realism arc, it was a rather short arc, much shorter than the previous Lash of Thanatos arc. In other words, Kim Jong Il was easier to kill off than Cartilage Head.

Now that I think about it, Cartilage Head is basically the Rasputin of AcheVillains.

Cartilage Head is the lover of the Russian Queen?
They put some poison into his wine?
Cartilage Head is Russia's greatest love machine?
He drank it all and said "I feel fine"?

He wanted to tell her that he loved her a lot so he got himself a belly full of wine?

CAH CAH CAH CAH-tilage head!

Oh those crazy vaudevillians....

Good night Miss Cahtilage where ever you are!

I never really thought of Cartilage Head as a villain.

Of course not. You think he's just eccentric, and maybe a bit of a tragic figure. He lulls you into a false sense of security. It's all part of his evil master plan.

Cartilage Head plucks strings the puppet does not know are there.

I never really thought of Rasputin as a villain.

Unless Getting laid a lot and fuckin' up the Tsars shit are crimes.

Which they shouldn't be.

So you are a Glenn Beck fan? The Assetbar Jr. Commissar Division will be having a word with you about that.

I'm a fan of Glen Beck as a Mormon performance artist whose spot on deconstruction of cold war paranoia and anti-rockerfeller conspiracies never cease to provoke hilarity. Not really a fan of his politics though.

I also think the Romanovs were horrific rulers so anyone who helps aid and abet their downfall (in such a stylish, wine sozzled manner) deserves a plaudit.

Apologies there are two N's in Glenn, the second one is for nincompoop,

I'm not sure Glenn Beck would be in favour of a guy who kind of set the scene for the Communist Revolution...

Dude would have totally been in the White army.

Oh, wait, he is.

C:\> Todd, get back in there and rescue Lee goddamn it!

C:\>Peel Out!

You made me do it
I didn't want to do it
C:\DOS
C:\DOS\RUN
RUN\DOS\RUN

Question, if I may: how are we supposed to read the Teodor strips alongside the script? Do we read the first two then go back to where the arrow is, then finish the script, then jump back? I feel like you can read the action panels first if you so desire then finish the script, in the same way the panels showing Lee's dialogue from the monitor can be read almost like stand-out quotes in a news article or magazine piece of some kind. Part of the flexibility of this format? I'm reluctant to say "Onstad's newly invented style."

Teodor panels*

I think, because the panels are meant to be occurring simultaneously, you can read them whenever you feel like.

That's what I think, anyways.

I don't know about you, but I read them using my eyes and my brain.

WHOA WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! HA! HA! HA! I GUESS HUMOR REALLY IS OUR REACTION TO THE ABSURD!

Contrary to the arrow, I believe that it makes more sense to read right to left there.

This comic took me to a place I'm not sure I like.

Is there some way I can press a button and free North Korea?

Todd's about to FIND OUT then pass out.

You could take the college student route and put up a xeroxed flier!

Five'd for the ATH. That is old school. I like to think Onstad fired up his old IBM with Windows 3.11, created a BBS, telneted (that's right, it's a verb) into it, and disconnected, just so he could remember what the sequence looks like.

The Onstad in my head would rather have done that than read about it on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AT_command . The Onstad in my head has conviction.

Commodore PET
You Saved Me From Myself

She came over to see my PET, but she played with my Wang instead.

[IMGS OFF]

He will forget Lee.

By the next strip, probably.

damn. onstad managed to take a fuck around arc written on the can at 3AM and then turn it in the last strip into something emotional and moving. best achewood in a damn while.

That's what he's been doing for years. Where you been?

like aesop rock, caught in a bear trap.

It was cropped out of the original frame, but Teodor wasn't the only one in the room that reacted this way to Todd's sudden arrival:
[IMGS OFF]

I was under the impression that Teodor was covering his chubby little tits for some reason.

OutOfContextQuote:

Teodor was covering his chubby

all two millimeters of it

does it bother you that he is hung like a cranberry?

That look on your face while talking of Teodor's chubby is broken.

One day the Lees of the world will be free. Until then, we can remember that this Lee lived. Oppressed, yes, but alive. Until the day that Lees can be Frees, remember this unlucky Lee.

Remember Lee...who was born in pee.

Lee Sungjae has joined the group People Who Have Died. [courtesy notice]

It is a shameful thing about North Korea when talking to Todd can be a great and inspiring moment in your life.

I can only imagine what would have resulted had Lyle taken this trip instead. There would have been vomiting contests.

is the noodles with tomato thing a reference to the august 19, 2005 strip or is that just me?

not a valid date.

fuck sakes people!
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192005 /= http://achewood.com/index.php?date=08192005/

how many fucking times do people have to put a fucking trailing forward slash at the end of a URL when it's not supposed to be there!!!!

Did anyone else see this on achewood's twitter tweeting twoot page?

"Hey, please send me a link to a drawing of the female genitalia that looks inexplicably like a generous penguin." OK! http://bit.ly/1sBudO9

Apparently a pufferfish ate your link?

weird, huh?

That's entirely unfortunate. You can find the desired image here. Apologies around.

That no penguin I ever see.

Not to be picky, but -- the paper depicted is "tractor-pull." This means that it is to be wound around the sprockets, not go in between (as drawn above).

Does that really not fall under your definiton of "picky?

do not lame this

Okay.

If it helps, imagine each line in the voice of a different muppet.

It worked fine until I got to Beaker.

Quick! Think of the Swedish Chef. Should fix you up right fast.

How was it that he would end his intro? Ah yes:

[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]
[IMGS OFF]

Choobby tu yuoo, Mr Spooldeeng!

Not to disagree with the good Captain, but I think his general received pronunciation was something like:

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

Ah! Too large! The eyes, they burn!

You are right - but at what cost?

I chubbied both you and this

stay strong, assetbrother

i miss miss bee

[IMGS OFF]

I love how you preemptively colored it green

Actually, the background was to match my avatar. I wanted to make it clear that it was I (mensch) that misses Ms. Bee, not Rod.

But you and Rod are the same person

Just because they are intimately connected on regular occasions does not make them the same person

Despite the hat, you look relatively unfazed by her absence.

I am getting misty behind my sunglasses as I peruse a printout of her past assetbar posts.

Is the music classical?

It is piano music.

Hmmm. I do feel bad that I don't know very much about piano music.

... and then the bartender said "Do you think I asked the genie for a 12-inch pianist?"

D'aww!

[IMGS OFF]

a snake?
an alien?

The clue already given was that it has something to do with Kipling. I don't know what that might be, because I've never Kipled.

Looks more and more like Ganesha to me, or maybe Airavat, I guess with the Kipling connection it could be Hathi or Hathni?

I guess I'm saying, "Is it an elephant?"

I wish jo caulfield would shut the fuck up...

Hold on, Caulfield?

It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes.

gladi8orrex can't get enough of that sweet, sweet BBC iPlayer

Quote:

Jo Caulfield is %u201Cone of the finest female comics at work%u201D (The Observer)

Being the "finest female comic" is like being the "best Islamic Rabbi"

Her recent edinburgh Fringe comedy show was entitled "Jo Caulfield won't shut up".

How does Glad know about this?

gladi8orrex totally loves BBC radio:

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuadpV4kf#comment_101
Quote:

moral maze is interesting proigramme on BBC4 i highly recommend. verdi thotprovokin an' better yet can listen anywhere in world (with internet) via bbcradios iplayer. is so gr8

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua2w28WC#comment_74
Quote:

i was listen to BBCworlservice cuppla days Ego...

http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua2w28WC#comment_254
Quote:

u so unimportant 2 me i dun needa focus
ur shit up there's like fuckin' circus
ur so not worth my time bitchey
i wrote all this shit listenin' 2 BBC

das right. moral maze str8 blarin' in ma ears as i str8 wreck your ass. *drops mic* fuck you

Wow. Your knowledge of Glad's oeuvre is impressive.

To get near my oeuvre you'll have to buy me a few drinks.

Yeah, who the fuck is jo caulfield anyhow...to not be shutting the fuck up...

of mice and gods

okay mouses

listen up

time for discussion of your relationship with God Almighty

does you speak to God sometimes? Often? What does you talks about? Does he or she or it talks back?

Do you have more than one God that you communicates with?

Do you have multiple manifestations of a God that you speaks with? E.g. fater, son, holy pig goat, man bear pig, etc?

Is God with you when you are masturbasting?

Do you teach your children the importance of eating their own sperm and pussy juices because to kill the sperm down the drain is to murder unborn childrens?

I think best solution is for young boys to find a bitch to fuck because God intends for all sperms to go into a puspuspussy. This is why I don't see what the big deal is about female teachers fucking their students. Is the pro-life thing to do.

I HATE

SO MUCH

ABOUT THE

THINGS THAT

YOU CHOOSE

TO BE

who is this mysterious animated middle finger guy?? AMFG for short?

I want to eat his/her liver. with fries.

lol "find a bitch 2 fuck". classic. chuppied

okay the novelty is wearing off a little

Its no use arguing with that guy -- He'll always have the upper hand.

And the upper finger

Lee Sungjae had a dream. A household dream.

The sun has not made a note of his face.

a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face" and the horse says "interrupting cow" and while the bartender is in the process of responding the horse makes a mental note of the desirability of ending the bartender's life in the coming "purge."

WTF man, its uncool to steal someone's avatar.

Yes, very.

Careful, identity theft is rampant on the internets.

Dammit...that was chub-worthy, AIU, and I'm outta chubs.

Stop this ID theft faggotry before people we care about get hurt.

this is woodenteeth: [IMGS OFF]
...
and this is me:
[IMGS OFF]

okay... what part of this is so hard to understand? I am not stealing anyone's identity.

And I thought they were both Jack Benny

Ready ready ready...

MES!

Oh no... the Mirror Universe.
And there's me without my goatee beard trimmer.

Y'all still look like a dude I know and it still creeps me the hell out.

The joke is that your icon belonged to "ford"

I get it!

Are you new? Four of those avatars are pilfered (from thegoblins, hamscout, theirateturk and ford, respectively). Bluemoon is legit (I think)

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

Waitaminute - if he's you, and you're him, and goalpost head is her... Then who am I?!?

Yep, it's still me. I think because I like him, and say nice things, he might leave my avicon alone?

no offense but I don't like your avatar it's too friendly or something so I just wouldn't want to post under it not even for the purpose of pretending to be you or whatever. Also your avatar is fairly nondescript, at least in my mind. It's ... like the new American money that employs certain graphical layout effects to force the viewer to somehow pay more attention so that counterfeits are easier to notice... whereas, an avatar of someone's face, as in the case of woodenteeth, that's much more suitable for counterfeiting. Does that make sense? I guess I can't fully put in words the full theory and sophistication of the troll mindset, only an approximation, but you get the general idea.

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