WHAT?!?!?!?! You get to see his face? Preposterous!

The interview also refers to the fact that it's the first photo of himself he's published in connection with achewood. So yes, it's him. He looks pretty regular, actually. Not much of a thrill.

For the sake of us all, good sir, scan this.

If you don't feel confident about posting it, surely you can email it to someone as an attachment. There must be hundreds of us who would do it. You could email it to me at biffly1@cox.net. Or not. Whatever.

Nothing personal, Onstad, I just want to jump your bones, right there, on the cathedral grounds.

For some reason my mom thought Onstad was Asian.

You should get her apology letter in the mail soon, Mr. Onstad. She is very serious about these things.

Man maybe Onstad is Asian. Is there a lot we know about the man?

Also you cannot see his eyes to determine whether or not he has Epicanthal folds.

He said in his achwood-world blog that he was mostly white and 1/16th Shawnee, so he is not Asian. I would link it but I can't remember which entry it was.

Onstad is Goth as Fuck.

does he take baths?

With candles and the lights off.

Huh. So that's what Onstad looks like.

Surprisingly normal.

I always thought he'd be fat. I dunno- Just with all the cooking, and if you look at the members-only comics, you can see a pic of his McDonald's Monopoly Game board, which shows a soul that has consumed far too much of the Golden Arches.
I'm not talking Scott Kurtz size here, but maybe a few lbs overweight. That's all.

I think it's a bit much to call the guy "fat". He certainly has a very round face, and it is a bit suspicious that he chose such a gut-concealing pose, but I think he looks pretty good for a middle-aged guy with a toddler who considers golf to be excercise. Plus, that's a nice sporty outfit; seems very "rich guy casual". My man-crush remains untarnished.

Dude, the man is 32. That ain't no middle-aged.

Christfuck I hope not as i planned to live forever.

I don't think he was calling Onstad fat. I think he was expressing surprise that he's not.

Oh good, you thought of Laurence Fishburne as well.

http://www.divshare.com/download/1476749-a3d

i would guess youngest cat in the family of 2 or more siblings

WHERE IS THE PDF?? I CANT FIND NO LINK!!!

Ugh, Huggins.

It is so bedtime. Don't hurt me.

...is that you, Pat?

I guess that contrary to your assessment, Huggins is not always the good cop.

That is really crap photo shopping right there.

I think he's in his magical realism outfit. [Drumstick and engorged cat cock not pictured]

A Nervousness Blanket. So Roast Beef. Nice to at least see an engagement update at any rate. BTW, did Roast Beef receive this blanket in a previous strip? If so, what date?

that's too awesome, that onstad has his characters so downpat, that he can remember a sound effect he did two years ago, and "bring it up" again in passing.

The Nervousness Blanket is another item I want to see in the store.

What kind? We have three varieties...


(c'mon guys, you left that one hanging for six months?)

you ruined it with the parenthetical.

I too feel sad for Téodor, not so much for playing a song into a computer website, but for playing a Smiths song into a computer website.

BTW, when did Téodor start getting desperate about finding a woman? A reaction to Roast Beef's engagement to Molly? Perhaps this is the start of a new story arc.

It's not clear that the song is a Smiths song. It seems more likely that Teodor is singing a song about The Smiths. So, it might be a Teodor original song which is a tribute to The Smiths.

Think of it as using bracket notation to paraphrase the lyrics and ice burn Teodor at the same time. It's like having him sing "[It is very sad that I am doing this thing]."

This is a really difficult joke to try and explain.

I get what you mean. If it was instrumental, mayhaps it would be [poorly strummed minor chooooorrrds]

It seems like a stretch that what is heard is self-evidently not "...THE SMIIITHS...". It seems reasonable to question whether he's singing a song about The Smiths as opposed to a Smiths song. Moreover, it seems equally weird and pathetic of Theodor to sing an original song dedicated to the Smiths as opposed to merely singing a Smiths song, so it's unclear what wouldn't be funny even if he was singing a song that is a tribute to the Smiths.

Your interepretation seems clear enough, and probably the right one to have, I just dont' think it is self-evident.

Thanks for that explanation. As someone who's not into music enough to know that there was a band/group/whatever called The Smiths, this boggled my mind.

yeah, that's the joke's effect, but i figured-- it's philippe's paper, if he heard the other guys talking about how sad it was, somebody [my vote lyle] probably pointed out the patheticism in that he was playing the smiths. Philippe remembers this detail and thats how he incorporates it. Little guy goes with what he knows.

Maybe the guys were talking about how sad it was that Teodor was playing a Smiths song, and Philippe assumed that "The Smiths" was actually the name of the song, and that those were the words.

Rock over London, Rock on Los Angeles, Budweiser: Proud to be Your Bud.

Since early days.

Ah, but as we learned earlier, Huggins is a bottom (see the strip where Teodor first meets him).

Maybe T's loneliness spike was actually caused by Pat getting with Rod!

The internet is a fabulous place where people discuss gay cat sex in every tiny detail.

Everyone except 'retardo' who is not allowed to.

People often switch bottom v.s. top from real life. It is a repressed part that comes out.

It is also something that can be fairly fluid depending on the relationship and the persons involved

And normally I would say "If you don't like Friday Facts, I don't like you" but this one IS espescially grand

GOD would want us to have This video.

Pat completely hates barbers, he has politics bumper stickers suggesting that we arrest them all.

those who gave this lames apparently do not read the blogs. Pat once actually attempted a citizen's arrest on a mailman, for bringing him an "illegal" bill or something.

Mangaknightz i have given you a make-up chubby. I would recommend that others do this too, except your name is mangaknightz.

a partner cops show, like dragnet, except they will leave the station and Rod will say he left the box of donuts on his desk and then they fuck.

Pat is a pair of knee-high black patent leather boots from the goose-step squad.

Uh, vegan leather, please!

this is a highly disturbing strip

in a good way

Phillipe is wearing a sleuth-y sort of cap.

Capo 4th fret, playing "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" for maximum effect (Take me out tonight / where there's music and there's people) on AFF chat. Teodor, you should know better.

Props on knowing the original key that the song is in

I have a friend who calls all Under Armor sports wear products, "Man-gerie".

manssiere ?

I'm not sure a reference to some random asset bar comment is as valuable as a reference to actual Achewood content.

Wait. I am sure. It's not.

You may lame me for that pun, if you wish.

Onstad himself respects Penny Arcade, according to the Onion interview.

I guess you're entitled to your own opinion, but your particular opinions tend to be rubbish.

I'm not part of the subculture it's aimed at, don't understand what they're talking about, and therefore dislike Penny Arcade for the same reason I dislike Family Circus.

Family Circus sucks because it's willfully naive and saccharine to the point of inducing stomachaches, and would probably suck no matter what its subject matter is.

I don't think that's the best example anyway, since it's practically impossible to NOT get what Family Circus is talking about. It's rose-tinted 50s American nuclear family sugary garbage, and the misunderstandings of children without any wit or irony. Cathy or even Frazz with its health-nut proselytizing would've been a better example.

I haven't read Frazz. Cathy isn't analogous, because I do understand it, at least reasonably well -- all of her complaints are, in fact, complaints middle-aged American women might issue if they were enormously self-absorbed nitwits like Cathy. The character of Cathy is alien, not the subject matter, so I feel comfortable stating that the strip has no merit. Penny Arcade might be good, for all I know. I'm inclined to stand by my original Family Circus comparison, but I haven't read Family Circus in 25, 26 years and am peering at some pretty hazy memories. Here's seven dollars.

I like how both play around with the English language, in their own ways. They're both good comics for fans of words.

The Glass Man-agerie

Is this a question?
Hm.

If he doesn't go, then I must frown. Please make him go.

Great strip today. It is very sad, according to on everyone, and He does not smile or frown are both gold. On that note, could someone describe Marinara throw up?

i took marinara to mean a puke that consists of the crap you eat only when you're steaming drunk, like donner kebabs, pot noodles or 5-day old leftover chinese food you find at the back of the fridge.

Or Meatball Subs. That shit is marinara.

Marinara, or for that matter anything with tomatoes, is Krypton to a person (or cartoon) who suffers from Gastro-Intestinal Reflux Disorder (GIRD), an affliction of the pyloric valve (see Confederacy of Dunces, "My valve!") that plagues Cornelius as he mentioned in a blog post years ago. Persons who overindulge the way Lyle seems to would also be likely candidates.

Meanwhile, "Marinara" is lately used as a flavor description for chips, and I imagine as a sauce option for say buffalo wings or something like that, thus, Regular, Intentional, or Marinara, as in how would you like that sir?

I interpreted this as puking blood.... there may be something wrong with me.

that's where I went with it too.

It is a bad idea to call Nice Pete crazy. I fear we will soon find young Phillipe's head in a mailbox.

I got the ap-ap-ap's from some spirit gum i while back. i can relate.

This is a good strip to show for promoting anti-sinning.

i'm still waiting on the next installment of ray's place

yeah, he does not smile or frown. awesome.

my main question though, is, is lyle's video of someone throwing up JUST someone throwing up? i didn't know you could have perversions about that.

Bold bold bold BOLD. You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

Rule 34: scourge of the internet. I love it so.

There is no porn of me, therefore... oh shit!

There is. You were sleeping on a dentist's chair.

perhaps it is a video of Lyle throwing up at a football (because you don't make it go three feet by not caring).

This, like the cake-sitting fetish, is one that you can Google. I highly recommend that you never do so, and warn your friends not to do it, either.

Lyle is exactly the kind of guy who would get off to Max Hardcore.

The Sir Chauncey Mason School for Young Jerks has potential.

As does the school for curious doctors

What about the school for doctors with a Prince Albert?

My favorite part was not any of the actual friday facts, but the header of 'I have some binoculars I am big enough to go outside'

how is that not a fun fact?

Put that on a t-shirt, Onstad, and I'd wear it.

I'd wear it outside.

That is clearly a motto not for a man's chest but a man's fly.

Onstad truly is a master of the great art of written vomit noises.

The ellipses before the AP-AP-AP! Brilliant. I think we all hear that exclamation point happening.

The art once was lost, but no more.

Beef puking under the nerviousness blanket = PURE GOLD

Beef is too bust vomiting to write a paste-up manager note.

Philippe is developing some rather creepy voyeuristic tendencies. He is also sharing these tendencies with us. I'm not sure which bothers me more.

For once, Philippe is doing something that is actually bad, for which he would in fact deserve the scolding he often gets from Cornelius. And where is Cornelius now? The combination of undeserved scoldings and occasional scot-free, borderline criminality will do far more to warp the little nipper than all the psychological trauma that Lie Bot or Lyle can intentionally inflict.

All children are voyeurs. They want to know how things work.

"He also wouldn't want us to have This video"

I'm capitalizing all pronouns that refer to pornos from now on.

There is a question that begs to be asked...Could nice pete hear rod and pat? If he could, doesn't that make the whole situation crazier ?

I realize that this sort of thing is anathema, but wouldn't mind an arc of Little Nephew getting sent to the Sir Chauncey Mason School For Young Jerks. Alternatively, I hope that the Sir Chauncey Mason School For Young Jerks is the name of a band sending Ray some hot tracks. I'd start a band with that name.

"I'd"? As in you would? As in you haven't yet?

Then who is sending Ray the hot tracks? Chop-chop!

The Who's 'Baba O'Riley' came on my iphone as I was reading this. I fear this imagery may have burned itself into the lyrics in my brain. "I don't need to be forgiven", indeed.

I'm all wasted.

How is it that there's a cartoon that actually depicts gay sex today and Dr. Manflesh or whoever hasn't written an unneccessarily long post to coincide?

because that would sorta make sense.

Yeah, I was waiting for Retardo to post about Onstad being in the closet and this being clear evidence of his secret desires or something. Ah well.

Y'know, Pat's doing pretty good for himself getting it on with a porn star.

He must be learning so much.

Everyone needs a project.

Could someone please tell me what it takes to get spam marking privileges?

Maybe not post spam constantly.

chubby'd

I'd pay hella ducats to read Ray's mail.

I was all pissed off because I have been on my holdays and the previous strips were a little tame/consfusing. But this is probably the best Friday Facts ever. All is well.

Philippe saw THE OLYMPICS!

I-No! It was Superman! He was having a really bad day! Don't look!

APPLESAUCE.

a strange little part of me really wants to be Teodor's online girlfriend.

A strange little part of Dr. Manflesh is probably writing the fan fiction for that as we speak.

AP-AP-AP

is that a confirmed picture of onstad?

Yes

I saw this.

man, we need the new strip NOW. or at least something else to comment on.

bah...fuck it. that was my first time trying that BBcode shit. who needs the strip, anyways? we all know it's Lyle.

Is time standing still? Am I going mad? No! Must be strong... must not talk to myself in front of strangers. Mustn't.

FINISHED ARCHIVE!

This strip made the top 5 most commented, thanks to: The Onion discussion/Onstad pic; A generally awesome Friday Facts; and a late Tuesday strip

it's tuesday, and no new strip. maaaaan. :(

chris, your photo looks like it was taken by the school paper after you won the physics olympics' mousetrap car event.

you cannot afford to be this late with the new strip.

unless you're dead. oh shit, what if...!

Oh great now he took down "The strip will be back Tuesday"

Teodor would probably go out tonight if he had a stitch to wear.

You brilliant, brilliant man.

Charming, even.

Chase the dream, Pat.

Philippe's titling of his adult-content photograph of Pat and Huggins is reminiscent of Goya's black paintings, revealing how internally disturbed he was at the sight. "This I saw..."

Huggins.

Pat.

They're cops.

For some reason, the alt text for this strip on the main, non-Asset-Bar site is now "Bring beef and sugar into the strike of it."

I'm not sure which was my favorite part, either "God says we should not have opinions" or Nice Pete eating chicken like a madman.

Do you guys smile and frown when you're eating drumsticks? Maybe it's just me, but I think that would make a body look more insane than not.

For me, the creepy factor was the expressionlessness while methodically snapping the bones, not the eating itself- though single-handedly downing an entire bucket of drumsticks is pretty disturbing too, come to think of it.

Oops I chubbied that as I tried to reply. I am new to this.

Crap, now I forget what I was going to say.

For me, the creepy factor was that he was emotionlessly eating and murdering chicken drumsticks while cop roleplay sodomy was going on in an adjacent room.

Favorite Friday Facts from Philippe. Fantastic.

Chubbed for alliteration. Almost.

Whaddaya mean, almost?

Things I adore about this strip, and Why It Is A Five:
1. Upper-case T in "...He also wouldn't want us to have This video."
2. "curious doctors?"
3. He does not smile or frown.
4. The fact that "MAILBOX, CON'T" is directly after "MAILBOX MINUTE."