Friday Facts / Fig You Friday edition

Friday Facts / Fig You Friday edition 07/06/2007 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Friday Recipe Korner: A spoonful of whiskey for every burden you shouldered in the name of getting the fuck by this week.

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Alt text:"Friday Recipe Korner: A spoonful of whiskey for every burden you shouldered in the name of getting the fuck by this week."

It's the internet. It was really only a matter of time before there was furry fan fiction posted on these pages.

Yeah, this is probably a high water mark of some sort.

I'm pretty sure that's genuine, pulled off some site like fanfiction.net

I am not strong enough to read this.

upon skimming it i am glad i just skimmed it... dear god, im glad i missed the details

Manflesh is the new black, mon ami.

Manflesh is a gift to this forum. A disturbingly moist, squishy gift, but there you are.

Manflesh is black, mon ami.

I read this. I read all of it. I....wow. I feel dirty. The final few paragraphs made me burst out laughing.

I CAN NEVER UNREAD THIS.

Why would a parent beat a kid for masturbating?
because that is technically what was happening

Also oh my god why am I taking this even moderately seriously.

He wasn't just jackin' it, man. The dude was making a hell of a riot so much so that his mom came to see what was wrong. Think about that! You ever jack it so loud that your mom heard you and got worried? I don't think so. I think that if a person did do that that they were probably purposely garnering said attention. In which case, the situation was handled somewhat appropriately though it is clear that the writer has a bias towards the fantasy.

This is . . .beautiful.
The most beautiful story ever told, and I've read many beautiful stories.
Believe it or not, this has more chubbies than lames. And NO SPAMS!!

OH DEAR LORD i laughed so goddamn hard that i almost puked. I LOVE YOU.. and .. this, i think, is almost funnier than the strip itsself

Do i chubby or lame!? CHUBBY OR LAAMEE

WHY HAS IT GOT ANY CHUBBIES AT ALL

god so many good things

Fuck as a coordinating conjunction is fantastic.

"I went to the store, fuck I forgot eggs.

Thank you. I couldn't wrap my mind around how that worked.

Now, class, remember "FANBOYS!"
Fuck
Awdamn
Nerfherder
Bitchtits
Oi
Yeesh
Shit

Good, bad, ugly:

The cat got sick on the bed again, fuck if I didn't have to clean it up at 3 in the morning.

I finally asked the girl across the hall out on a date, fuckin' A she said yes!

Now set up "Fuck" as a Preposition and I will give you my last Chubby.

Onstad uses "Fuck" like Giuliani uses "9/11"

MIT POMMES FUCK BROT.

It doesn't work, but goddamn it's fun to say.

A completely fabricated UK address, yet a perfect example of how completely ridiculous they can be. Awesome.

They can be needlessly whimsical somemtimes, but you only need to put the street number and post code for those limited writing space situations.

i wish i had a "whimsical" address instead mine which is only facetious.

You'll wish you didn't!

i was going to make comment on phillipe being the vessel for which chris is venting his frustration at being tired, but then i got into this huge debate with my own brain on whether chris was channeling through phillipe or if phillipe was channeling chris. i'm kind of not sure how that whole thing works. i didn't get an exceptional amount of sleep either.

favorite part: go sit on a fig! you'll wish you didn't!

the tone of voice he's using in my head for the second part of that curse is a handy substitute for the fifty spoonfuls of whiskey i'll be taking just as soon as i drive my irritable ass two hours down the goddamn road to where it is.

figgin' geographical logistics, i HATE the laws of time and distance! fuck those dimensions. two should be good enough, right?

"Go sit on a fig! You'll wish you didn't!" And the fig will share that wish.

I sat on a fig. I...wish I hadn't.

It was gross. My seat and butt are sticky and covered in about a million seeds.

oh, i also love that if the cops see you screaming at your neighbor in the middle of the night wearing tiny plaid shorts, they drive on, but so help me god if you are wearing underpants those motherfuckers will bring the HEAT.

apparently?

such heat as you have never seen. tiny plaid shorts=immunity in the Survivor game that is cop-wrangling.

In Italian, to "make figs" with your hands is the equivalent of giving the middle finger. A soul in the Inferno displays that gesture towards God. Know your Dante.

So I guess Philippe picked up the idea from reading "Richard Scarry's Great Big Divine Comedy"?

"fig" is so close to "frig." which is practically the F-word actually.

same in russian...middle finger or fig, the shape symbolizes the same thing.

Also in France. It carries some connotations.

that recipe almost killed me

I wonder if this is the same Frederick who was a real tush head and/or is a corgey dog.

Twine Ailment.

Haha, I dig the Network reference.

Oh my. It had to happen. The Fuck You Friday finally had a crossover with the Friday Facts.

Patiently awaiting the Great Outdoor Fuck crossover

No one survived... Breast Attack on Great Outdoor Fuck scientists are still figuring it out, no one said it could be done.

Three days, three acres, three thousand men, and a lifetime of lingering regrets

Starring the tag-team duo of Rod Huggins & Pat Reynolds.

*shag-team?

No.

Whiskey is just going to fuel the fire, Chris, nothing good comes of whiskey. Say Fig it and have a chilly Stella, maybe grill up a filet so tender it quivers when a butterfly flaps its wings in Japan.

Hahah! Best friday facts ever!

It's a long story, but Kez was a roadie on Priest's 1985 tour and Lyle helped him out of a tight spot in Vallejo.

Lyle don't keep those Chilton's manuals around just 'cuz they look pretty, ya know.

Who is Frederick?

And why is he so crappy?

i MUST know this.

NOTE: If you're adressing something in England, all you really need is the house number and the post code, that's enough.

It is pretty much the same here in the US. If you have the House number and the zip code, your parcel or letter will get to where it's going. I think we just like to imagine you folks all wearing sharp beaver-skin top hats and crisply starched collars and monocles and having long addresses and living in castles.

That might just be me, though.

We do all that other stuff, you're just wrong on the addresses.

It's weird that when I used to write to people in the US I thought it was ridiculous how long their addresses were.

There is no way that is possible because you only need 2 lines to address something in the US (plus the line that says USA and the person's name.) Three if you put the zip code on a separate line from the city and state.

It's rare, though, that a zip code spans two or more cities. The street, house number, and zip code usually are sufficient to identify the destination. Yet one must include the city and state nonetheless. By age 5, the typical otter has spent three weeks of its life needlessly writing cities and states on envelopes. Won't someone please think of the otters?

this was going to get a two or three until i saw the alt text. 5. what a fuckin week.

I am glad that it is not a crime to be angry.

'Twine Ailment' Heh heh. Philippe's head gets slightly larger and hefts forward when he's really mad.

i want a t-shirt with angry philippe. badly.

Seconded.

The people next door moved out, fuck they were dropping furniture in the driveway until 1 AM.

It works.

I am replying to your comment here.

i am commenting about your reply in a humorous manner.

Is LYLE mad about anything? You bet!

Is there a time when Lyle isn't mad? I think he's mad when he's happy and mad when he's passed out.

piss me up before you go go
don't leave me hangin' round like a yo-yo

does anybody automatically get these stupid song parodies looping in your head when you read a phrase that would be easily substituted for a phrase in the lyrics? this is an active process in my brain. it's like something that it needs to do.

If you are mad, that is not a crime.
It's true!

anybody else think that this strip is a convoluted and cunningly-disguised plea for us to spend money on achewood stuff? not that i'm complaining. i recommend the teodor apron, cookbook and hot sauce set. top notch stuff. i even got a biro drawing of beef in a chef's hat saying 'my recipes are hella crap, sorry' in my cookbook. even though they're not. also the apron is extremely well-made and the hot sauce is very hot and has a picture of ray playing a sax on it. you should buy the chef's set is what i'm saying. sounds like somebody could use the cash. he's got a woman, a kid and a warehouse guy to support, for fuck's sake.

Will somebody think of the Warehouse Guy!?

Is it even that profitable though?

Seriously though, Frederick had it coming.

Use only this Whiskey for the Recipe Korner:

[IMGS OFF]

The fuzz are ever vigilant for the unsavoury, underpants-wearing nogoodniks.

I'm proud to say that, after stubbing my toe and letting go of a few "GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKERS", that said sauce was put in my nephew's ears. Imagine my sister's delight when he started spewing that little tidbit every couple breaths.

It's bad news when Chris sentences you to fuck.

I am part of the internet community based around the program responsible for the creation of Comic Sans MS. That program is 3D Movie Maker, and it made a deal with the devil in coming into existence.