And then we'd have a new holy grail.

let the circle

be unbroken

i feel weird giving this comment a "chubby"

I, on the other hand, feel very pleased with my comment/avatar synchronism up there.

It pleases me, in a special way that only synchronism can. If you've been through what synchronism and I have, you'd understand and wouldn't ask questions.

Kind of like that Mortal Kombat "Toasty!!!" guy who popped in from the side, I suppose.

I once "Toasty!'d" a guy so hard he broke his foot.

I once chubbied someone so hard he got fat..

Some even got on the mayor!

i'm amused that we spend so much thread bitching about the post's incompetence. let it be lamed into oblivion and move on - there's a delightful wood of ache up there that we are neglecting!

and, on a completely unrelated note, after certain valentine's day experiences, i have a whole new definition for the term "achewood"

Ew.

... seek immediate medical attention if effects persist for more than 4 hours ...

did you try to leap a fence?

"I was walking around naked and I fell on it, doctor. Seriously, man."

"Million-to-one shot, doc."

I can't start the machine without three men. The Japanese.

Classic Ray, all the way.

Did you break your penis? If not then you are incorrect.

You probably didn't even know it was possible to break the penis.

What the hell kinda sex ed did you get?
Let this be a lesson to you, little Timmy. Boners are made of sin, and semen is angels' tears.

Well, I think that the point of that movie was to clear up misconceptions.

But that still doesn't explain the real-life demonstrations.

To clear up misconceptions and conceptions.

My teacher's woowoo is really smelly.
Are all girls' woowoos really smelly?

if that is true, i am straight up evil

Chubby for turning every porn star who ever took a facial into an angel. Including the men.

255th post!

Two to the power of eight, bitch, minus one.

You wouldn't happen to be AA-T's The Drizzle, would you?

By "AA-T" do you by chance mean "ATHF?"

And if that is what you mean, what the hell are you talking about?

"At The House Fart"

I'm just spitballin' here.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, MAN

i'm jest settin' 'ere and my mind is going 'whaaaaaat?'

No idea what you're talking about. But yeah, it is of Master Shake origin. I thought about going with Mr.^2, but then didn't.

I chubbied you based solely on your avatar.

I approve greatly of your choice of post-nuclear apocalyptic simulation. And thank you for granting me the only chubby I will probably ever see.

I chubbied this comment in spite. Also, don't try this trick again, it won't work

Oh, I only wish I were so clever. Yet I'm not sure if I should thank you for the chubby, or curse you for doing it in spite. Then I remember that it would be sad to care that much about someone approving of a comment I made about a comment someone else made about an online comic strip.

Oh, and thank you for the chubby.

spiteful chubbies are against the law.

And only now do I realize that your name is Thedrizzle and that's what Esselfortium was talking about. This has made me realize again how avatar-centric my thinking is.

True, it would make more sense if I were to coordinate the two. But I look at it, then it returns to me that I am very lazy.

It looks like a pretty fun game.

I'm not sure if you're talking about the third of the series or its predecessors, but you're right either way.

Third one. My friend owns it.

The lack of the childkiller Perk really annoyed me, but overall it's a damn good game

Indeed.

Unfortunately I forgot the name of this game.

Fallout 3.

You are wrong then. The first two are correct, the third is an abomination and shall be cast out into the wastes.

The only correct way to play the game is to solve everything entirely without violence. Except killing all of the children. Is perfect world, yes?

?

;

:(

C:

!

Catgrl does a :( and SJE gets his big nose right there to catch it. The Drizzle is shocked by this blatant display of perversity.

thank you sweet lips, your tri-separated post gave me a chuckle and earned you a chubby.....

Triune God, One Cup.

One for the warehouse worker.

That cup better be full of blood. I don't care how it gets there, but it's blood or nothing.

Yeah, I got lamed into oblivion for posting "third post!"

My lame total was a bit lackluster for my first and last "first" experiment.

Fuck YOU halfdirt. Fuck you for being a jerk.

Halfdirt reeeally wants to get fucked right now.

Don't we all, though?

No.

Admit it, you plagiarized most of that comment from _Das Kapital_, didn't you?

I lamed you on this and on a comment below. At least "first post?" is short.

You're pretty frisky and truculent for an 85-year-old.

Maybe these lames are telling you, Glad. Don't change. We like you the way you are!

Really good! I mean it! You spelled "so" and "how" right!

Yes, that was only about a 3 on the gladi-scale. Very good.

Every time you post I picture you in a blazer, brainstorming your posts on personalized stationery-which reveals a name suffixed with "IV"-a very white lad, brow furrowed in concentration, alone in his hip hop poster-festooned dorm room at Choate.*

Or I guess you could be a chick.

*I went to (American) public schools, so I don't recognize that sentence as being perhaps a run-on.

I dunno, this picture might be perfectly apt. Picture the 'Rex saying, "Mom y wee got 2 leev now?" or "Sorrin ain' eesy". gladi8orrex, feel free to step in here and caption this in your own inimitable style. Also, it could be a metaphor about gladi8orrex himself. Ooh, I'm so deep.

To me that kid looks like he is saying "eye guta roc"

"tornaml lookimia sux"?

gladiatorumrex, rather.

My name is Cornelius Salthouse Mansfield. I have no need for your hippity-hop "musics". I have proper opinions and need not hide my stature behind the appearance of fictitious failure.

Looks like you're throwing a touch of British accent in there. Classy.

*polite reserved applause*

positivereinforcementchubby

This man understands Psychology.

Maybe joo and Psychology are amigos...?

Psychology knows that I am loco.

That would explain why he's complaining about the Keystone Light, but anyone with taste buds will complain about Keystone Light.

True, but I'm pretty sure Ray would neither object to a pepperoni Hot Pocket nor request plain water and edamame beans.

Maybe Pat snuck a small but loud walkie talkie or other such communicative device into the pepperoni hot-pocket, all planning to get Beef on the path to happiness on a steady diet of plain water and edamame beans by impersonating an irritated GI tract.

All interesting ideas, but my point was that the stomach's dialogue sounded a lot like Ray.

Well seeing as how Stomach and Ray hang out so much, maybe he's picking up on some speech patterns?

meh, don't knock it, its cheap, like the budget.

Oh man... Keystone Light...

Keystone Light is like watered-down Natty Light.

Ugh. Fuck college.

*Natty Ice. But I don't need to get the name right for you all to understand *just* how horrible both of those beers are. Good God.

Keystone is to beer what Papyrus is to fonts.

:O
I'll have you know that Papyrus is the greatest font of all!

hey everybody sje likes peestone light, pass it on

hey everybody sje drinks pee, pass it on

Hey everyone sje drinks pee purple monkey dishwasher pass it on.

I respect someone who drinks pee more than someone who drinks Keystone Lite. I mean there are standards and then there are standards.

The question I pose is thus: is Keystone Light worse than Pabst? I am led to believe that it only has its current position of fame among hipsters because it was incredibly cheap and of low standing. I must know how this works out. Is there an alternate universe of hipsters drinking Keystone or is it far too vile for that to even happen?

PBR isn't just a hipster thing. It is much better and cheaper than Keystone Light, MGD and Bud.

Chubby for holding similar opinions.

In college I had a friend who would always volunteer to make the run to the liquor store to get the vodka, tequilla, what have you. However, he would always come back with Keystone Light for himself. I couldn't figure it out. Then I went with him once. He would use the spare change from everyone's order to buy the one thing it would pay for: Keystone Light. I don't think he paid for a single beer in college...on the other hand he was drinking Keystone Light.

But wouldn't that liquor have been communal anyway? Why subject yourself to what I am told is a vastly inferior beverage? Perhaps the Keystone should have been considered a part of the order. Maybe forming a rich and varied lore around it as the store, for some reason, gives you a free pack of Keystone Light for purchases of a certain quantity. Much like free fried rice or egg rolls with your Chinese delivery.

He could have had something here. Maybe having an in with the owner even. There was a story, but he didn't work for it. He just sat around drinking shitty beer by coasting on leftovers. He could have had it all, but, instead, he had nothing. Truly a lesson for the times.

You are the new Aesop.
However, I apologize, but I failed to supply the one detail that leads to the true moral
The true moral is:
Do not be like my friend with the Keystone Light, or you will grow up to be a corporate lawyer.

I never drank and ended up an unemployed scientist. Being a corporate lawyer doesn't sound so bad in comparison.

My stomach's only response: "OHHH SHHHIIIIITTTTT!"

More like "Oh. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

This is based only on my own experiences, but I'm pretty sure it's another part of the digestive tract that takes care of this.

The stomach is already well occupied, but why not put that appendix to use? It's much more convenient, anyway.

The appendix is also a lazy deadbeat, just sittin' around all day, surfin' the web on the company dime.

If my company is a body, I'm the appendix.

And I'm swollen as shit.

Sitting there, waiting to be swiftly excised and thrown to the kerb.

For that outcome to be even vaguely conceivable, there would have to be some justice in this world.

That outcome is not even vaguely conceivable. There is no justice in this world.

I read this as "thrown -- the kebab".

Sorry.

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen...with a kebab.

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen...munching a kebab daintily under your veil.

Topping the charts with Islamic Jihad Radio!

Flight of the Infidels-from-our-homeland!

Say what you will about veils (and I'll say that mandated veils and such are just crazy, but back to our point), but they certainly make a lady's eyes look alluring and sexy. It's like a garter belt for the face all providing the proper accent and stage (the bangs, of course, being the proscenium) to highlight them.

or
I have to agree with you there, whichever one you meant.

And now is when I apologize for those pictures taking up a lot more space than I thought they would.

Can a beautiful face take too much space?
I think, by definition, not.

Let's test it.

Not veiled, not beautiful, not a good use of space.

You know nothing of beauty. I'm sorry.

Hey, at least give me something I can work with man. Veronica Lake maybe.

Who is that anyway? My mind is drawing a blank when I know I ought to know better. It might just be a bad picture.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

So it was just a bad picture and an unfortunate hairstyle.

Lauren Bacall is, I will agree, generally very much worth it. But here she looks more like the neighbor lady that grandpa once got a drunk, desperate handjob from back in '48.

I was, honestly, thinking that it might be her, but I wasn't certain.

You're confused about beauty and classic movie quotes.

Damn it, dude - it's Ingrid Bergman! C'mon! Get your head in the game!

FUCK!!

I am made about as low as a snake's dick right about now.

My brain just got crazily shorted out when Bogart came up and I just fucking lost it. I need to get this thing checked out. It's clearly not working properly.

Put it back in your skull at least.

She's gorgeous, you're a schmuck, your comments are not a good use of space.

It seems like in the 50s some people liked women that could easily be men. Perhaps because some of those guys would have liked to just look at men, but back then they would shock your head with electrodes for that.

I agree with both. The first is more like stockings though. A fine, gauzy covering to add allure. The latter is more what I was thinking of. All stereotypical Arabian Nights with heavy eyeshadow and lots of piercingly sexy gazes.

that's deliciously ironic considering that its work is outsourcing

Not so much outsourcing as HAZMAT. Or bomb disposal.

Duuuuudes... We got laaaaaaaames...

Someone red-markered their appendices?

MADNES TAKES ITS TOLL

I recently had to lay off my gall bladder.
It had people skills, but served no purpose.

Man, I think it's your own fault. I need hella bile all the gourd-damned time!

The hella bile was hurting too much and I got these 4 cool scars when my gall bladder left the building too. He took 20 stones with him though...forgot to have security escort him.

Damn, sounds like your gall bladder was a huge dick. Good thing you're rid of that loser.

However, if you think I'm having my the huge dick of my body removed, you're sorely mistaken.

Some call it 'Peristalsis'

Some call it 'touching cloth'

Ahhh, sound advice for the tummy.

The cat's stomach is cranky in the morning.

I know, isn't it great? People can come in here and flatly state individual facts about the events of the strip. It's fun!

Matty, the haunting yellow will pursue me forevermore now, because of you.

CAN'T YOU SEE ALL THIS METAHUMOUR IS RIPPING US APART?!

i tought it was the constant bickering about nonsensical things like state shaped cheese

That too.

OMG ROAST BEEF'S SHIRT IS SHAPED LIKE A STATE.

IT IS SHAPED LIKE ALL THE STATES.

Are you saying that they don't resemble states?!?!

You bastard.

how many of us owe our procreation to constant bickering about nonsensical things? think about this one for a while

I saw that the more constantly I bicker a loved one, the less i am likely to procreate. The graph would have a floor of 0% chances, and a ceiling of about 2%

such as an argument about condoms vs the pill?

and then she forgot to take the pills.

And that is the creation story of Zapatos

No. There was an egg in a power plant and you play the flute for Pikachu after luring him to the egg with apples.

(and I get laid fairly consistently by a rather hot girl.)

ARGGGG STOP SAYING THIS.

Sje, sje, calm down. It was merely a joke on my overly nerdy response, ok.

Yes, but you still said it.

I'm not mad. Don't worry about it.

I really don't understand why you are getting upset about it.

Quote:
I'm really not.

GET OFF MY THREAD

DAMMIT IF YOU KIDS DON'T STOP FIGHTING I SWEAR TO GOD I'M TURNING THIS DAMN INTERNET AROUND!

I'M SORRY MOM I PROMISE WE'LL STOP FIGHTING CAN WE PLEASE GO TO MCDONALDS NOW THOUGH.

WE CANT AFFORD MCDONALDS. WE HAVE TO EAT AT 4CHAN.

I hate to bring this sort of Internet nonsense here, but I think I shall finally have to call you on this. Pics or it didn't happen.

See, that's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.

Depends on whether you get makeup sex or not. I know that I have never known the touch of a formerly enraged woman.

You're really missing out, dude. Formerly enraged women have softer hands. And double the saliva.

and really wide... eyes

CAN'T YOU SEE ALL THIS METAHUMOUR IS RIPPING US APART?!
'Love, love will tear us apart again'

Oh dang it dogg oh daaaaaaaang iiiiiiiiit

1994: An Assetbar Odyssey

I can see Ray speaking with his pepper already

You <i>would</i> see that, wouldn't you, ravigotte?

Angry Pop-up tells me to do something nice for a change D:

Dude, the strip's been up for, like, an hour! How the hell do you run through lames that fast?

I have not given out a lame in about eight months, but Angry Popup tells me the same thing. Sometimes Angry Popup just hates you, and there is nothing you can do it about it.

DO SOMETHING NICE FOR A CHANGE

You win at puns forever, scorpio_nadir.

For an instant plus 2 heart size boost, try reading that one as the floaty hearts of Missbee's swooning fangirl-style admiration.

Awwww

I am filled with a mixture of happiness that I was given my wish and also sadness that I was given my wish.

But did you want us to lame the comment where you were asking to be lamed, or your comment that you were replying to?

ITT: Ravigotte makes good sentences

The comment that I was replying to, actually. But, you know, whatever.

Aww. Then I lamed the wrong comment. Sowwy <:(

Oh, Missbee.

The humanity, the remourse.
The chocolates that would have been yourse.

dude... i can't! laming that avatar is like kicking a kitten, only less alliterative!

D'aww.

I love it when a comic makes me do research. Horace Fletcher apparently said, "Nature will castigate those who don't masticate." I don't know how, but I will slip that into conversation this weekend.

I don't know, he certainly picked a challenging weekend for that. It's one of the few times when people in long-term relationships can generally count on some sex and it has singles generally in lonely and desperate mode.

Man ain't takin' this one lyin' down. He's puttin' in work.

Basically you dont even need to do a thing

How could you know ?

Have you heard of Asleep Doggy Style? It's basically impossible.

As far as you know....

Actually, that's pretty easy. You just need to have someone who is a deep sleeper or who is in the habit of falling asleep over the arm of the sofa or on top of a large pile or pillows or one of those specifically designed ramps or such.

Or you can be me. I can do asleep doggy style, if she takes initiative. I've already had "wake up half way through sex" style, so that's close right?

It is super difficult to not get laid. You're just sitting there and then someone wants to have sex with you. How can you avoid that? I can't.

I'm absolutely certain that everyone here talking obliquely about sex is getting laid on Valentine's Day. You guys/gals are just so -awesome-

And I think "obliquely" doesn't mean what you think it means.

Get it, guys? Get it? "Oblique!"

I... I'm sorry. I'll go.

In a supreme fit of irony I'm in a relationship and didn't get laid on Valentines's Day. For that matter I didn't even get laid over the entire weekend.

On Valentine's day I had the incredibly romantic scenario of ordering a pizza at 5 PM with my girlfriend and then having a friend come over to play Smash Bros. with us before she went to bed early.

Belgand knows how not to get laid. He doesn't even have to think about it.

Oh man, definitely don't even think about talking about sex with SJE around, jeez. I'm surprised he hasn't marked this as spam yet.

Don't worry, same here.

I am told that spam can be molded into a fairly functional facsimile vagina and then used for intercourse.

Oh, baby

hopefully that party is over now. that'd be a hella ridiculous party to have lasted this long.

Hopefully the party isn't over by now, you mean!

even Ray couldn't party so hard.

Man, I was born ready.

The first woman to tell me I would not get laid was the first woman to lay with me. So when can machineelf be expecting you to visit, rowboat?

I can't think of a witty comeback, but I'm really interested to know how that scenario played out for you.

<Mary Poppins> "In the most delight ful wayyy!" </Mary Poppins>

In that elegant, classical way

Sorry man, but there's been a run on it over the weekend. I've only got enough rape for about.. ehh.. say 75 or so left. The rest of you are gonna have to be satisfied with "unwanted groping on public transit".

or get the most painful head ever

You really don't know the meaning of too much information, do you?

the pain you feel being offended is just your mind being pried open wider than you would like. btw, yes, i am a pompous ass - here's my card

I hate drama pipes myself. Kudos to Roast Beef for his negotiating skills. And Fletcherizing...

I hate drama pipes myself. Kudos to Roast Beef for his negotiating skills. And Fletcherizing...

The Thing severely hates drama pipes. Are you trying to say it is not clobberin' time?

he's the evertripleposting smallwhiteeyed thing

The thing's not constipated, he's just really confused about where Johnny got off to and who this "Herbie" fellow is.

The ellipsis had me read the three posts looking for what the Thing had to say about Fletcherizing. But it's only that it's stattering time.

Additional definition of "Fletcherizing:" Posting your comments at least three times so that people can digest them easier.

Now, why would the first post have no lame, the second 2 and the last 1 only1

2 things I appreciate from this strip:
1) A potentially recurring, obscure character; and
2) One more euphemism for diarrhea.

#2

3) the idea of conversing with body parts about past exploits. what would your body parts have to say to you?

My body parts would probably ask for me to move to Australia or something.

:) I GET IT.

What happened to your facebook?

it got deleted, by this guy.

Why?

I apologize for the multiple comments. Apparently, I need to Fletcherize myself before hitting the Post button.

It's ok.

How those drama pipes treating you?

Thirty two times before you hit that button!

This practice is renowned for turning a pitiable post glutton into an intelligent epicurean.

Back the fuck up.

HUMAN EARS?!?!

Yeah. Like if i made my lady wear cat ears in bed. Not real human ears, like harvested from a corpse. But like a costume halloween style.

That sounds reasonable. I guess I've read too many war/serial killer stories and immediately leapt to "a necklace of human ears"

That sounds reasonable. I guess I've read too many war/serial killer stories and immediately leapt to "a necklace of human ears"

Have you read Blood Meridian by the great Cormac McCarthy? There are some far worse flesh-necklaces.

That's what I thought of.

Admit that you like Universal Soldier, it will set you free. Dolph Lundgren and the Muscles from Brussels? It's a licence to print money.

and yet what did they do with that licence? they took their dad's car and flipped it over a wall two weeks later, and fled the scene leaving their friend bleeding and semi-conscious in the passenger seat.

Really? I mean, just google Halloween Cat Ears and there are plenty of non-Wapanese examples, though my mind knows exactly of what you speak.

there is a difference between dressing up for a nationally approved holiday and dressing up because you need a boy to look at you for some reason

I think those are the same thing.

Chubbied so hard.

Is this a thing?

...batman?

Unfortunately.

Ohhhhh shit

Why do hate our love? Why do you hate it so hard?

My dad makes it hurt so good.

Sometimes love don't feel like it should...

... in a small town.

Pictures please?

Dude. Just, dude. Don't be That Guy That Asks For Pictures.

hey, my brother died asking for picture on the internet.
Not Funny, Not cool, Not a good asset

I was wondering, I remember when this started, but I can't find the first "not funny, not cool, not a good comment" strip. Anyone know where that is?

You know, I've been trying to do the same thing.

Pharmacalogical wedding registry?

That is so obvious.

Link?

Thank you. Luckily I set my lame limit to 111.

I've been trying to force it into a meme actually.

my lame limit is set to OVER 9000!

LAME.

It....IT CAN'T BE!

Actually, joking aside, my lame limit really is over nine thousand. I think I have it set to a million, just in case every single person on the Internet decides to sign up here and decides that any single article on here is lame.

I think that there are more than a million people on the internet. Just sayin'.

...I'm not asking for sexy pictures. I'm asking for pictures of her wearing cat ears. There is nothing wrong with asking for a picture of someone's face.

Thus, I found your comment lame.

But would you ask a dude the same thing? No, of course not, because you personally prefer to look at ladies.

I understand this, and if she offered, then fine. If a lady or a dude has their myspace or flickr or photobucket listed in their profile, they're offering you to see whatever fun little happy snaps they're cool with showing all the Internet, and cool with providing links to upfront. I know I've done it with chicks I talk to in whatever forum, and not because I'm mackin' on they ass, just because it's human instinct to do so with someone of your preferred sex(es), and you do it without even thinking or desiring or anything.

But putting someone on the spot and asking is a little silly. Not horribly offensive, not incredibly derogatory - just a little silly, immature and "dude don't be That Guy." Chicks get asked that sorta thing all the time by people more sleazy than you, it's gotta be annoying. And you're not sleazy, which is why I'm saying it. I would've just lamed it, but I was out of lames for you, sorry. V-Lame?

I expect all manner of lames for this, but whatevz man.

I would ask a dude the same thing. It's cat ears, for Christ's sake.
Do you have any pics of yourself wearing cat ears? I would love to see them. :)

Or a more appropriate smiley:

=^.^=

I do, and I'm OFFENDED you asked. You FIEND!

You charleton! Fie on you! Fie!

I took to saying "A plague on both your houses" as a regular saying for a while there in late high school.

People either didn't get it or didn't find it particularly amusing, it was surprisingly hard to tell in any given circumstance.

Put me in the first group.

Psst. Psst! sje, look over here!

I thought the quote was "A plague on your house!". I thought that the joke was that he put in "both", and that makes it funny somehow. Thanks, though.

Isn't it pox? I thought it was pox.

Nope. It's plague.

Mercutio's death: Fucking hard to act.

Charleton Heston..., is it really you?

Do you want to see a picture or me wearing cat ears? ^_^

of*

SJE COME ONE SHOW ME HIM WEARING CAT EARS

Please!

Someone show me pics of you wearing HUMAN ears.

Fapfapfapfapfap

:D

SJE... I need to see you in cat ears. I need to see it so hard right now.

Heehee. Okay . . .it's just cat ears tho!
XD

hm... a point. we DID all jump there without sufficient reason, so whether or not you're That Guy has become a gray area.

... but you're still lame-able for not wording yourself better

I concur. The universe needs more of such things.

For your consideration
(SFW as long as you don`t wander too far from there)

That Guy would not form a coherent sentence like this. That Guy would simply say "pix plox".

No dude really, she's super hot.

http://www.thatsnotcool.com/

...dad?

Yes darling?

this comment should have more chubbies than it does.

Life is unfair. Likewise, for our many cat lovers in the audience, that grim fact is also an unfair reminder.
At this point, I'd like to thank the Academy for those 2 chubbies.....blah,blah,blah..

Speaking about cat-lovers, it appears that the internet hate machine happen to be fans of cats.

Is this a real question? That would be kind of weird.

CATFIGHT

LITERALLY

MOIST

assume/pray it is not

Which has to make you wonder what the hell Anime for cats featuring human-girls looks like. Actually I'd rather not imagine what that looks like.