Oh god Lyle. Just no.

Where on earth did ya' dig up this beaute? (I so want to paint this on my kid's room wall. I really do!)

Is this another day on which only cats will talk to me?

How's about a possum?

As long as it's not really some old man but I am just kidding after all

How about multiple possums?

POSSSSUUUUUUUMS!

Happy Vamlumtines Day

A wave of babies!

yay someone got the reference!

You're weeping tears of joy.

Moist possums - we love 'em.

LOVE 'EM

Cat yelling at a chicken. Sorry.

My life is nothing but to kill you

I was about to cite this of proof of the otherwise, but then embarrassingly found out you were right.

Share in my humiliation

How about highly animated inanimate objects?

Mercifully unanimated, at least

<B>I AM A BANANA!</b>

I think you meant BANANA!

She made unibrows hot.

Uuuumm... Frieda Kahlo made unibrows hot, if anyone. Salma just adopted it for the movie.

Salma Hayek made nice boobies hot. The unibrow remains a niche perversion.

Nice boobies made Salma Hayek Hot, but that's just me.

I do not think this is a viewpoint which you are alone in holding. Lots of people like boobs... or um, so I've heard.

Is it bad if you are neither? Because I am neither.

Let me try this again...

|Meh. I took a risk... and failed miserably. Twice. But you guys know what I'm trying to do here, right? Right?

I .. .I'm not sure.

Sigh. I'm not sure why it got cut off on the left there. The word you cannot see is "TIIIIIIIITS."

THANK you.

I really don't like monkeys. People shouldn't keep monkeys.

LOVE MONKEY BOOBS!

LOVE THEM!

HAIRY!

Oh, Hedo's animated all right. He's just moving so fast you can't tell. Here, let me play it back slow mode for you:

If you can find them, the same artist did an excellent series of paintings in which two rabbits stumble through a hallucinogenic landscape. The kicker is that it's based on two real-life people who were lost in the woods while out of their minds on meth, eventually leading to their death. It was pretty tragic, too, because were in constant contact with a 911 operator; they just couldn't process the world around them in terms that anybody else could understand. (For instance, they thought that a herd of cows milling around and mooing were a bunch of cultists chanting.)

Potent stuff.

[urlhttp://www.howdypardner.com/slideshow/slideshow.html[/url]

Thank you, sje46. This guy's stuff is dark. Creepy, wonderful dark. If your daddy ain't proud, I am.

I now realize how sorry I am about all the meth I turned down back when I lived in sticks. It sounds fantastic. I always heard that it just made you clean your kitchen twice an hour and then lose your teeth. Actually, I've observed this drug fairly closely and I know for sure that this is exactly what happens. These rabbit men must have mixed a little something in.

I would tell you that my state is the meth capital of the country, but every state tries to boast that now. It's lost it's novelty.

New England is probably the last place in the country where it's not a huge pandemic, even though it is getting more popular.

What state are you?

The country I come from is called the Midwest.

guessing time! I choose... Pennsylvania!

No, but thank you for playing.

Indiana.

The trick is to pick a state that is actually in the Midwest.
Unless you did that on purpose.

OK, I live in Missouri, The Meth Capital of the U.S.

close enough for comfort... at least for a country in which I never plan to live. We burned down your White House, fuckers! Deal with it!

Truuuue.... But we are still using the same weapons as we did back then.

Quote:
Cool old Dylan reference. "With God on Our Side," I believe.

Baby brother recovered from crack, and maintains a rather hopeful disposition about the world at large. He has nothing to say to meth addicts. I think you have the right idea.

Pogo, are you by chance the CIA?

There are probably plenty aspects of your personality that I would wish to kill you if I was so inclined, but I like to think that every human life has some value and that eugenics is not a great idea.

Yes, every life is sacred, and I can hold that concept in my mind alongside the "let the evil ones die" concept. Strange thing, the human mind.

I dislike this apparent interchangeability of "evil" and "stupid".

What, you don't think poor people are lazy?

Holy Shitballs.

Very impressive tinfoil-hat ranting! Example: Bible fraud will destroy fools, and they will eat one another.

Chubby for getting in the mindset of that Time Cube guy.

That guy is craaaaa-zy.
Why can't people just accept that the Earth was made in seventh days, and God sent himself to be tortured and to die and we commemorate this by wearing the device used to kill him around our necks?

Are you saying that Christians are crazy than that guy?

My wife spent a long while prosecuting meth people for our state (the meth capitol of the world). I can say, with absolute certainty, that meth is primarily a sex drug. Seems it makes you aroused like you wouldn't believe, and enjoy the act in new and nauseating ways. People do meth and boink for hours. Then after a year or so, you can no longer maintain an erection, or whatever it is women do. You can no longer bang, but you must still take meth or you freak out. It is not an awesome drug.

But in the meantime, you get to fuck like you were George Zimmer. I guarantee it.

OK, I've been lurking around for ages, but I finally had to create an account in order to comment on this topic. I just wanted to CLARIFY that meth does not make you want to boink for hours; it's not some type of low-class Viagra. It makes you NOT COME for hours, and while a Normal Person would, you know, give it up for a lost cause, the Tweaker will just keep on goin' at it, for hours and hours. I'm sure it's very frustrating. That alone should be enough to make you wanna stay away from the stuff. I just wanted to make sure you all understand the effects, and not get any weird ideas about taking meth in order to boink for hours. It... really is not a sex drug at all. I know these things.

Nerd_specs is right. Everyone knows it's POT that makes you boink for hours.

Unless, you know, you get distracted by a bag of Doritos and an episode of "Cheaters" and never finish getting your pants off.

Addendum: I know these things.

Just an addition to nerd_specs: In Australia ER doctors are mainly annoyed because Heroin addicts just came in half-conscious, fortunately our good police people got Heroin off the streets. Now we have Meth addicts! They come in to an ER wanting to tear Nurses and Doctors inside out with their minds/hands. One Doctor told the story of a man in an observation holding room (locked room made mainly of glass) who was masturbating for 14 hours straight.

14 hours? Did anyone even try to stop him from rubbing his dick out of existence?

Think of the swelling, the bruising and pain.

They had him in a locked glass box because he was too dangerous to approach.

I'm feeling a similar condition due to your avatar

Whoa, did NOT know the boinking-not-coming thing. Makes sense that there would be some sort of thrill to the otherwise frantic-seeming high. But only a hillbilly would think that endless humping is a good thing. I repeat, let 'em die.

Apparently, it was the advent of viagra that caused meth to really take off in some sections of the gay community.

Meth's been around for over half a century and has, most of the time, been considered the lowest form of recreational drug (or a tool for increasing productivity in factory workers, if you look at the post-war transformation of countries like Japan and Thailand).

It was never that popular with people who like party drugs or fucking, due to it causing:
a) antisocial behaviour
b) 'speed-cock'

Viagra reduced the incidence of problem b, though I have no data on whether a meth/viagra cocktail helps the tumescent user to 'max.

Only one way to find out really. I'll get the chemicals, you meet me at Denny's. Wear something slutty.

Alcoholic tiger dander can cause spontaneous cat allergies fearsome enough to cripple the kind of people who set LOLcats as their homepage.

Me too.

I enjoy the parts where he rips his shirt off, but the "comedy" portion of his act is kinda boring.

My understanding is that the people who dislike Dane Cook also dislike Carlos Mencia.

Different brands of comedy, though.

Well, they are. Care to prove otherwise, Telescreen?

Neither are comedy.

I hate Carlos Mencia.

I kinda like Dane Cook, though. He's pretty funny (from what I've seen, which is maybe half of one of his standup films). Not the best comedian I've ever heard, but amusing enough.

He's a good storyteller. not the funniest guy, but he is enjoyable to listen to, at least.

I have laughed at Dane Cook exactly once. He told a joke about sitting at a restaurant or something, and watching a guy get hit by a car at an intersection.

"Ironically, the car was a Dodge"

I thought that was worth a chuckle. Every other line I've heard was awful.

I thought he was okay in that 'Mister Brooks' movie. That said, I haven't seen his stand up.

I'm all out of lames with which to respond to your lame-whinging, and that's the true tragedy.

(Well, other than the existence of Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook.)

*hugs for the bitter man*

What do you get if you cross an octopus with the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

A junkie with eight arms to shoot up into.

Quote:
True. Best laughs since Achewood.

FACT: Dane Cook is twice as funny when you don't have to see him. Two times a little still isn't much, but he is definitely funnier when heard and not seen.

FACT: Dane Cook is twice as funny when you don't have to see him. Two times a little still isn't much, but he is definitely funnier when heard and not seen.

Assetbar Philippe, I don't want to blow your mind here, but there are more comedians out there than Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia! In fact, it is even possible to hate both of them as similar exemplars of a completely unreflective and uninsightful lowest common denominator form of humor!

Once again, Salon said it better than I can:

"Although his delivery can be chafingly smug, Cook doesn't present himself as anything special. He likes video games and chicks and sports and other general-purpose guy stuff. He's not particularly baffled by the world, or all that perceptive, or all that self-aware. He's a little self-deprecating, a little bit cutesy and a little bit aggressive, but most important, he treats mundane experiences like they're huge revelations: Breakup sex is the best, right? Right! Sometimes you have to lie to get out of stuff you don't want to do. I know you've done it, too, bro!

From his sloppy college kid look to his avoidance of anything political, cultural or remotely critical, Cook aims at appealing to those vast numbers of kids who haven't really developed any interests yet, and are most of all focused on having fun with a big group of people. While Seinfeld or Rock or Carlin or Miller react against the world, working themselves into a lather over just how idiotic and bizarre other people's behavior is, Cook's stories all boil down to the most familiar, relatable experiences he's had. His humor doesn't require even a glance at the wider world; it strengthens the bonds within a homogenous group. "Isn't it crazy when you..." or "How weird is it when..." By celebrating the myopia of the young, Cook has become the hottest comedian around."

I know that there are other types of comedians out there. [I actually just saw Jimmy Fallon tonight; I just got back. He was good but I have a feeling you wouldn't like his standup.] I'm far from a connieusseur (I hate you, French) of comedy, but I do like a lot of other people, especially Louis C. K., Mitch Hedberg, Demitri Martin, and George Carlin.
I can't stand Mencia, by the way, because . .. . ugg. Too many reasons. He's just . . .dishonest. He gets things wrong. He doesn't understand the world at all, and loves hating. It's different from Carlin's misanthropy because Carlin gave good reasons while Mencia just loved to hate.

And Dane Cook isn't the best comic, I agree. But why should comedy have to be rebellious against the world to be funny? I agree that some of the best comedy is, but not necessarily so. A lot of humor just comes from novel ways of looking at things, which I think Cook provides.
But pretty much I laugh at most comedians as long as I don't detect phoniness in them, and Mencia is rancid. I don't think Dane Cook is. That's just my opinion.
And Cook is a wonderfully storyteller, at least.

Louis C.K. is awesome, and Demetri Martin is also awesome as well as a guy that everybody says I look like. The problem I and others have with Dane Cook is that his humor isn't quirky or inventive - it's basically making exaggerated bodily contortions while telling some mundane story, and it's been parodied everywhere from Family Guy to Mad TV. But the worst thing about him is the kind of people he represents and targets, which can only be described as bros. You're not a bro, are you?

I gotta admit, that Family Guy parody was pretty good, especially the shouting random gen Y buzzwords while making wacky bodily motions.

You also forgot hot chicks. A lot of hot chicks think Dane Cook is funny. Also, hot chicks tend to date bros. 2 2

plus you motherfucker PLUS

-|-

Which brings to mind something that, um...Chris Rock, I think, said in a recent interview with GQ Magazine which I will paraphrase here. Basically, there's no objective measure of funniness, so the only real way to judge a comedian is by whether or not their target demographic thinks they're funny, and he used Dane Cook as a specific example (because the interviewer brought him up, I think). Dane Cook's target demographic is college-age girls. If most college-age girls think Dane Cook is funny (and they do, at least enough of them to give him a successful career), then he's funny. If college-age girls don't think he's funny, then he isn't.

Cook is not a wonderful storyteller. While telling a joke, the man goes on more tangents than a college trig class. And good lord...stop laughing at all your jokes.

Damn you, Dane Cook

FUCK YOU

That sounds like an introduction to "So you think you might be interested in seeing some stand up comedy but you don't have any defining character traits and you aren't exactly sure what the big deal with being clever is?"

Whoops, next time I spend all night doing huge rails of coke and doing push-ups to old Sam Kinison routines maybe I just WILL post again.

I think Dane Cook is incredibly funny. He is one of a handful of comedians that make me laugh so hard that I cry.

Others include: Kyle Cease. Daniel Tosh. Jim Gaffigan. Demitri Martin.

Not included: Carlos Mencia.

Try C. K. Louis. He's hilarious.

YOU ARE THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

this is why.

Never mind sje46, thegoodwillgirl's correction was better. I withdraw.

I think you mean "Louis C.K." And yes, he is funny, but his show on HBO made me want to kill myself (when I wasn't laughing).

Oh, man. I didn't even understand goodwillgirl.
I usually call him Louis C. K. I honestly don't know why I got it backwards.
Why did you want to kill yourself.

'Cause it were powerful depressing. Like "The Honeymooners", only without any hope.

When I see Dane Cook, I laugh nervously. In case one of his fans sees me not laughing and decides to kill me.

This is a conversation about Dane Cook.


....


This is a conversation about Dane Cook.

Agreed FUCK Dane Cook!

Wow. Thanks for the lame! I wasn't condoning the man, just noticing similarities between symbols!

Why don't you just lame semantics!

*pout*

PS: Dane Cook does indeed suck.

I'd never heard of the guy. He gets big crowds, huh? Not very funny though.

Lamed for semantics.

Don't sweat it, Hamscout. Yesterday someone lamed me for mentioning lynch mobs and I have no idea why.

Maybe one of their relatives was lynched, and they thought your comment was not cool.

because they are a terrible rap group.

So, one time at the mall I jumped down the last 8 steps and APPARENTLY that breaks the escalator.

I yelled, "ESCALATOR TEMPORARILY STAIRS!" Then I cried a little bit on the inside.

Mitch was so superior.

Nice! I was just about to mention him. I like him.

Also I like the Amazing Jonathon.

Someone was talking about what ducks eat, and I was like, "Sun chips?"

I got tartar, but shit's under control.

True. Mitch Hedberg is totally awesome. he is the only comedian I've ever bought an album of.

Was. He has been dead a little while now.

Yes.
But dead or no, he remains the only comedian whose album I've purchased. So I think either tense works there.

But dead people aren't awesome.

it's just not awesome when they die.

Damn.. I wish I had more chubbies for saying what I've been saying for years. V-chub and a wag of the finger and a stern talking to about "being funny" for Dane.

Well... the superfinger thing is pretty funny, actually

But still, fuck Dane Cook, etc. etc. and the party line.

(Odd the way Lyle kept his political alignment ambiguous in the first panel, wasn't it? Almost syndicated comic-ish)

I'm glad it was kept ambiguous. If I found out I shared Lyle's politics, I would be filled with shame.

Fortunately, I already know I don't share Todd's.

Well he believes the moon landings were faked, so... is that Green or Libertarian Party?

But the flag is waving.
Conformist.
Conformist.
I actually wrote a paper saying that it was faked in seventh grade. In my younger and stupider days.

I am a member of the Green Party. And I am virtually certain that the moon landings actually happened.

Well, I am not actually a member of the Green Party, because Oklahoma is too backward to recognize the Green Party. But when I lived in Texas, I was a registered member of the Green Party.

And I have worked in the space program. It is remotely possible that the moon landings were faked, but it would have been easier to actually do it than to perpetrate a hoax of that magnitude. Too damn many people were involved.

We need a real Green party member to weigh in on this.

Jesus, another damn Okie. We should form our own boards. I shall be king, and Tekende my queen

Those two crazy kids sure pack a lot of livin' into something they're doing "just for one day". And I will nerd myself by saying that the King Crimson cover of that song is pretty good. Fripp played guitar on the original, after all.

I got a little woman and she won't be true.

Well, I got a woman just as mean as she can be.

Ever done the conventions? I was an El Paso delegate in '04...

Wait for it...

I wonner if ju an' me are amigos!

The real question is, why the hell does it even matter? I mean, during the Cold War, maybe, but how does it affect anything one way or the other now whether or not the moon landings were faked? At least the 9/11 conspiracy theories are about something relevant.

I totally don't think it matters. I just replied because I was hoping it would make people like me. My mom just lost a bunch of money in the stock market crash, and she can't afford to send out the checks any more, so the people who used to be my friends don't call me now.

It matters because there are people in this country who don't realize how much their government lies to them, people who lump everyone who believes that their government lies together as crazies and commies.

It does matter because the sad truth is people sometimes need to wake up about the irrelevant stuff before they'll even listen to you about the relevant stuff.

Meh. Paranoia on the Internet is like Hope in New Orleans: not a Plan.

Hmm. I suppose if I found out NASA spent a few million dollars of American taxes to fake a moon landing rather than a few trillion dollars to land on the moon for vanity, I'd, well, I'd be very... hopeful that they do it again?

Okay. Who here believes that they were faked?
*Doesn't raise hand*

I guess we'll never know if that lame is a Green with no sense of humour, or a Libertarian with no sense of humour.

Sorry, Dane who?

Don't worry about it. Your life will instantly become a little worse if you find out.

I think I'll be happy with discovering Neil Hamburger for now.

Tigers only have four "fingers" on their paws, so that flag is as close to a tiger paw flipping you off as you can get. Alas, it is impossible for a tiger to do the shocker.

There are only four fingers needed for a shocker. It would look like Lyleland's flag, upside down.

now I know why you're smelling your hand.

Considering Lyle has only four fingers, I think the third finger was chosen to portray the middle finger. Why not the second finger?
God there are a lot of fingers in this comment.

Is that Scott Tenorman?
That episode is classic.

is that the kid whose parents Cartman turns into chili or whatever?

truly classic.

No!
You ruined the end.

I´d say "Scott Tenorman must die" is probably the cruelest South Park episode ever.

Since Lyle only has 4 fingers, it's his best approximation of a Middle finger.

Zanello's avatar looks really uncomfortable next to mine.

Looks like an avatar with a lot of fingers in it

He's looking at his own handle.

Meta-meta, dude!

Quick! Someone make a meta-meta-meta out of it!

You just did!

Who's that Pokemon?!

metapod?

metapod: the pokemon that never did anything.

...is such a children's book title.

Yes, Metapod.

Because there are only 151 pokemon.

Do I even have to ask whether or not you've caught them all?

. . ..
I have shamed my family.

Actually I'm a Republican American, and Australia has accepted me just fine. I'm even a citizen now! Canada would not accept a Republican, given that even their supposedly right-wing PM Harper is somewhere to the left of the salad fork.

But I would never follow Teodor's suggestion and move to Adelaide, however (shudders).

What IS a Republican these days? Just wondered, what with Bush's gigantic government and fiscal hysteria and all...

My first reaction was to post "What IS a Republican? A miserable little pile of secrets!" But then I realized people might think I was talking about, y'know, opinions, or things relevant to how the world operates - not fun video game quotes.

Dodged that bullet.

Has... Has my avatar always been such a mean-muggin' handfacepose? I didn't realize. I gotta take stock.

You steal mens' chubbies, and make them your slaves! wilto ill needs a handface such as you!

... he says as he hurls his wine at you.

Of course we accepted you. We don't care who you are as long as you have the cash.

Yes, that's basically what my ex-wife said, too!

except that the Australian right wing is just slightly left of the American left wing.

And the water spirals down the drain the opposite way.

And her voice is a backwards record.
It's like a whirlpool and it never ends.

Who was at the Dupont pavilion?


I'm sorry, I just can't help myself. Plus I love that song.

Don't even try to stop it.

Ana Ng lives in the middle of the Indian Ocean :(

Turns out that's not true.

I may have read/skimmed that wrong, but I think it's only saying that the Coriolis effect has nothing to do with the rotation. Not that the rotation in both hemispheres is the same.

Yeah, I guess the Australians design their toilets backwards or something. Crazy.

We have to sit facing the cistern.

Sweden, dude.

Chubby for the gormenghast reference in your name.

Well assuming things work more or less along the lines of people of voting age not generally preferring to move somewhere where not only are they capable of speaking the local language, but they might also want to enjoy at least a decent amount of shared culture there are only a few options to consider: Canada (close, basically just the US, but colder), UK (with Ireland because why not?), Australia, and why not throw Jamaica in there as well? Actually, there are a good number more, that list English as the official language, but I'm uncertain how readily one could get by in their daily lives speaking nothing but English. For example India. Maybe I shouldn't make all my decisions on emigrating based on Bollywood films (and by that I mean emigrating to any country), but I don't see a lot of English going on there and frankly if I can't follow a song about why that girl doesn't want to marry some guy I don't think I can live there. I mean, mandate some subtitles at least!

Reality check: None of those countries want Americans to move there, not unless you fill out the proper forms and aren't putting on of their citizens out of work.

America owns the world, didn't you know? We have the right to go anywhere we want and do anything we want. We've got the guns.

Belgand:
Most of the places you mentioned have extremely tight immigration laws which (I know its shocking!) apply to Americans. The Aussies and Brits are particularly harsh. The Irish are nice if you are related (one Irish grandparent and you are in).

On a side note, being married to a Brit who has an irish mother gets me...well choices where it rains alot.

I wouldn't call what they speak in Jamaica to be English anymore. They've creoled that shit up the wazoo.

Yah, man. It ain' no ting like wha' ya' larns in skool, but ita stil be Einglish.

seen, Star.

Rasta-talk is BETTER than English, mon.

The versions they stick in Hollywood movies is fairly understandable, but the version they have in Jamaican movies is.....ridiculous.

Seriously. That shit needed subtitles. Not just accent, not just different words - it sounded like a different grammatical structure.

It be special, yes mon. Da riddims are different, and terms be invented, but once you break the code, it's a liberating way to speak English, adding back a certain amount of fun and emotion tht can missing from standard English.

I know it's probably not the same thing, but watching a friend play Grand Theft Auto 4 and converse with the Jamaican NPCs... Yeah, I could only understand the first 3 or so words of each line. If that.

Dr., there are movies out of England and Scotland that are unintelligible without subtitles. In some cases even within Great Britain.

I've seen some - the further north you go, the closer it straddles the dialect/language border. Particularly the Outer Hebrides.

From Canada, you can see Sarah Palin's house.

Fun fact: Sarah Palin lives in a house perched atop a 600 mile high pole.

Who is it that we (Others) make fun of for having a slutty sister? His sister is perched atop a 600 mile high pole.

So uh... what news of you mom from the top of the 600 mile high pole?

(The 600 mile high pole is to the North, you see.)

(Give it a minute, you'll get it.)

(or just scroll down, whatever)

Huh? You talking? To me?

[scroll, scroll, scroll. . .]

That's nice dear. Eat your weetabix.

I can't help how I feel : (

You do need to eat your weetabix though.

So do a lot of people. Believe me, I know.

Look at that lecherous old fool Biden, all smacking his lips over the thought of Palin's frigid loins.

Some men like popcicles.

Others like lollipops.

Yes, she is a good politician: she really knows how to sell that her pussy is so hot.

Ladies, take note: this is the perfect way to let guys know that your pussy is so hot. That is, with captions and posted on the internet.

Is it weird that I feel dirtier looking at this than I do looking at any type of legitimate pornography?

Yet for some reason, I am utterly spellbound.

Are you ashamed of the fact that you want to fuck her with an intenisty and fervour that surprises even you?

A ball gag should be adequate.

I don't know. Maybe some of the charm of it is the dishonest pillow talk.

"Oh yeah! Tell me how there'll be no new taxes! Let me read your lips!"

McCain just pledged the other day that he has "no intention" of raising taxes. Weakly worded, yet strangely familiar. . .

Man, there are too many Christian Bales around here. I am going to change my pic.

Wait, you've seen pornography? How? You're lucky you didn't get caught.

Quote:
There's a contradiction in terms! Christ, these kids today, they think everyone should watch meat grinding as a way to understand sex! Sheesh, they're fooling themselves. Polluting their minds with paid for fake fucking.

Please provide a reasonable source of non-misogynistic, non-violent, X-rated erotica.

Seriously. Where does this stuff live.

Gynaecological instructional video?

He said "non-misogynistic"!

I was really hoping that one of you would have posted a link or two in answer to woodenteeth by now. His question is my question.

My God man, I can abide no more pterodactyl porn!

The kink.com family of sites prides itself on ethics and has been repeatedly recommended by Dan Savage.

It took me over a year to follow up on kink.com and I can say that it is not what I'm looking for.

The uh... internet?

Comstock Films.

Thanks.

Quote:
Start with your imagination, then add real emotion, a real plot, some drama, and all sorts of thrills are possible. I'm saying that a gross portrayal of sex is never going to be sexy to me. It's stupid, and base, and demeans the act.

True dat, bruddah.
[Not really sure what you guys are talking about.]

Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, know what I mean?

Depends on how high you set your visual tolerance level. For instance, the pictures of women in bras and panties in the Sunday flyers might be enough to get a Mennonite lad off. While you might have seen too much stimulating stuff and need group sex portrayals.

I'm pretty much at the point were anything less than three girls, two guys (one of them a midget), and a trained pony doesn't even get a raised eyebrow out of me.

I imagine things all day: "I'd like to fuck her, I'd like to fuck her... ooo, that's a nice car. If I could fuck her in that car and then fuck her..." By the end of the day my imagination is worn out. I need the most graphic, disgusting porn you can buy, I need scratch-and-sniff and 3D glasses if they've got it. -- Bobby Slayton

Yea, Victoria's secret was more than sufficient when I was 13 or so. I don't know what happened...

You realized you liked guys instead, like my Uncle Francis?
It's not bad! I'd still like you!

Homosexuality is a superpower, after all.

Pogo assumes my imagination is not misogynistic.

Pogo seems unable to comprehend that some people might view pornography for purposes other than educational ones.

Educational?! That's rich. Except for a future career in porn, what could you possibly learn from it that would be useful in regular life?

How to perform a commodore, for one thing.

What could you learn? Watch porn with your girlfriend/wife. When she says "if you ever try to do THAT to me I'll kick you right in the crotch," take notes.

I've learned new tricks, got new ideas of things to try from my viewing. Not to say I might not have come up with everything on my own in due time. But like Lyle said in the last strip, "Science don't get paid to rest, son."

What we need more of is SCIENCE!

Reading comprehension, my dear Pogo. In response to your comment that porn is a terrible way to "understand sex", I suggested that people might view porn for reasons OTHER than learning or understanding. For my part, the only thing I "learn" from porn is how to get through a day without murdering people and setting myself on fire.

Pogo, at 59, has already outlived Allen Ginsberg and Alan Moore combined.

Alan Moore isn't dead.

Also, to have outlived both of them combined, Pogo would have to be 124 years old.

Please revise and re-submit by the end of the term.

Falseprophet, at 23, is too old to recognize sarcasm.

Of course, my comment was removed from the comment of Pogo's it was replying to, about "kids" who enjoy hardcore pornography, instead of Sears catalogs, or whatever. So you have decontextualization.

Sarcasm or not, the joke still doesn't make any sense, even in context. I get that you're saying that Pogo's sensibilities about pornography are archaic, but I don't understand why you used Allen Ginsberg and Alan Moore as your analogical reference point other than the fact that their first names are homophones, and that Alan Moore does pornography comic books.

They are two people whose names I believed would be recognizable to Pogo as well-respected pornographers. City Lights went on trial for the publication of Ginsberg's Howl in 1957, so Pogo would've been nine or so. You and I probably heard of him first as a Beat poet, but most Boomers first heard of him as a homosexual Beat pornographer. He seemed the best and obvious example for expressing, "Dude, you're not actually that old." Alan Moore is, as you say, also a pornographer -- I don't know his age, but I grabbed the name of a pornographer I assumed would be recognizable, and since his books are about folks like Thacher and Nixon I assume he's at least Pogo's age. Also I just read his essay "Bog Venus and Nazi Cocks." Great stuff. Probably should've gone with Crumb, though.

Hey, I guess you told me how old Moore is, didn't you?

There. You've taken me to school and stuff. For the win.

Except that I really, really like R. Crumb, since he does cartoon parodies of sex, not actualy pornography where actaul humans get misued.

Aesthetics, while an essential component of all art and indeed existence, are fundamentally irrational. Morals have no validity beyond reason and measurable consequence. While they must be constantly married, they must never be conflated, otherwise you get meaningless circular definitions like "I hate pornography because it is that which I hate except for Devil Girl which isn't pornography because I don't hate it."

Well, Mr. Boredom Man, that's pretty fancy tap dancing there, except I think the tru marriage of aesthetics and morality would be if we were discussing the most artistic pornography. I'm taking R. Crumb completely out of the porno category, both because he draws cartoons withtout harming actual people, and because he is doing a parody of sexuality using his imagination. My concern is for the "actors" in porn and their debasement.

Most porn doesn't "harm" people at all.

And they chose to debase themselves.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I predict that if we banned all porn, a lot more people would be harmed.

That is, of course, a praiseworthy concern. It is a valuable moral stance, and it is also a coherent moral stance (equally important). It's not implied by your original objection to porn, but we can roll with it now. I now understand you to be saying that that which debases actors is (possibly nonexclusively) "bad porn." Is that correct? I wholeheartedly agree.

Still, to discuss coherently, we need a definition of "porn" beyond "bad porn." Is "porn" that which debases actors and "erotica" that which does not? Does "porn" refer to the explicitness of the material? Where do things like Tijuana Bibles and the writings of (as opposed to the personal life of) the Marquis de Sade fit in? Are they not porn, harmless pornography because no actors are harmed, or harmful pornography for some other reason?

Did you know that Alan Moore is Canadian?

AlanMooreFanSite.com says English?

I mean, he's Canadian like AC/DC is Canadian.

this gets better with each loop.

I gave that a chubby because it gave me one.

I assume that by now everyone has heard of Nailin' Palin?

I could watch that all day.

This just gets funnier and funnier every time I look at it. I love how Biden's face looks, too, when I imagine him listening to her say those words.

Jiminy-jillikers! We gotta gestate the heck outta this rape-baby here!

*wink*

How do you know it's a rape-baby?

The "victim" couldn't afford a rape kit!

Rape-babies are an important component to the American nukular family.

Goddamnit I still get so mad thinking about her saying nukular.

FUCK!

You know, that was so infuriating, because you could TELL that it was intentional. She smiled a little every time she said it, going out of her way to use the word and stress the syllables. The underlying message: "I'm gonna say it this way just to spite all you liberal intellectuals, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I don't know but I'll bring it to ya!"

Ya, you betcha.

Guys, I'm a rebel.

What news from the south?

Fuck that. West Siiiiide.

You misspelled "side".

You misspelled "SiiieeeeedddddeeeeeeeBBBBOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!"

He confirms, several times over, that it is in fact 5:24 PM.

Darn right!

It's weird when you see where someone perhaps gets their idea for something. Some other people might get it, as well, I don't know.

Care to expound?

Independent Republic of Lyle => Alaskan Independence Party.
Pain baby => Palin's secret Downs grand-baby.
Treehouse => Building 7.
"You get a sword" => Al Quaeda.

Uhuh... Oh yeah... {Nodding at drskradley}

You don't want him to

I've been told by a friend that Beck's Dark was undrinkable German swill. Score at least one point against Germany.

Not drinking myself I wouldn't know, but perhaps we should consider Belgium instead?

The problem with Belgium is that it's Belgium.

The problem with Belgium is the free-loading Walloons. Flanders would be better off on its own.

Damn family of Walloons stole the lead off my roof last week, so it's not just a Belgian problem.

Dites-doncs!

All this Europe-bashing is making me tout raplapla.

Where the best tasting beer in the world is from would be a tossup, but the best beer in the world is from the U.S.

Bring it on.

What other criteria are there other than taste?

And you are wrong as hell.

USA, your beer is an international joke. We are all laughing at you behind your back. It is getting kind of sad, but still funny, USA.

The USA has plenty of good beer. It's just not as, uh, well-promoted or mainstream or whatever as our shitty beer (Budweiser, Miller, etc.). Actually, this is probably true of many beer-producing countries.

Say what you want about AB products, Tekende, but keep your grubby words off my High Life and Stag!

[BEER FIGHT]If you're speaking on behalf of the entire world, sure. The rest of the world does indeed have the best tasting beers (though, their bingeability is a bit suspect). But if you're insisting that Australia alone so much as holds a candle, well, that's a whole new joke. It is a joke that I am laughing at.[/BEER FIGHT]

and then there's the case of their Fighting Wines.

Hmm. You know what? I think we have the same problem as the US, I just never realised it until now (and also I had to do a little research on what beers we export). Turns out we export mainly Coopers, Tooheys and CUB/Foster's products, most of which are, I would say, sub-par (though most of Adelaide will beat me up for saying Coopers is anything but liquid gold born from the wings of a silver dove. Except most of them couldn't handle a sentence with that many words.)

Anyway, I don't know if these are even exported, but see if you can get your hands on: Beez Neez (honey wheat beer, very sweet but tasty), anything from Little Creatures, anything from James Squire.

To whom do we export Tooheys and Coopers? It sure as shit ain't London. I wish.

Foster's beers (VB, Carlton etc) are all the damn same.
Beez Neez is for girls.
Coopers Sparkling and Pale Ales are goddamn splendid. Little Creatures Pale however, is the best beer that ever lived. I love that beer. I love it.

moist.

If you measure by the aggregate number of good beers that a country produces, I am convinced that the USA wins. If, on the other hand, you measure by the average or median quality of beer produced or consumed, we probably lose. I've had a few good Australian beers, and certainly they're better than Bud/Coors/Miller/Pabst, but none are as good as Rouge, Stone, New Belgium, or hundreds of other microbrews. I should stop with the beer pedantry now.

No, you've hit it on the head, sir. You said what I wanted to say. What I would have said before all those nail polish-powered bongs I did up in High School.

Though, last night I had a Spaten Optimator for the first time in a few years and I have to say that I can't remember the last time I enjoyed anything alcohol-related so much.

What criteria other than taste? Why, bingeability, of course! The most important trait in any beer!

In that case, consider American beer to be 'training wheels'.

Have you tried vodka?

I will choose drunk over bloated and sleepy any day. Vodka. Vodka, make me a retarded baby.

I think it's worth pointing out that Chris Onstad's one and only Canadian signing date is the US Election Day. (And my birthday.)

Oh my! How old are you going to be?
Are you going to have a party?

He's going to be 28 if he's not a liar.

Why would he lie?

Only losers lie, and westacular is cool (because he's my friend!)!

You've really entirely become AP and I feel so proud.

But does he know any other tricks?

I can lick my own nose!
*licks nose*
See?

If you are truly Assetbar Philippe, I feel that I have no choice but to be the Assetbar Lyle.

Merry Crishmash. Here's your preshent.

[ooofff]

Can I lick your nose too?

How could Hedonismbot be other than the Assetbar Nolan?

Best answer ever.

=]

*splut