big black dildos?

Boi-yoi-yoing!

Zibba dubba dabba after a night of drink-izz-ing.

They have a lot of awkward onomatopoeia. Chi-chi means breasts and kuri kuri are the sound of "twisting". Kuri also means "chestnut," a common Japanese euphemism for the clitoris.

Moist...with a hard shell.

What does Jari Kurri mean?

It means you should see your doctor. HEYO!

it means that you are probably Canadian and around 30 years old

This is what Jari Kurri means.

Were you reading the back of a FLCL dvd case?

Between my FLCL reference guide and Japanese friends, yes. It's great to have someone who can explain the Japanese cultural references.

I just make it up as I go and noone really catches on. I mean that shit is all Ching Chong Wing Wong.

Yeah, a lot of people don't get the kuri-kuri bit in Audition.

Chi-Chis means middle-aged women who work in human resources and believe that it's a real thing that has value and purpose getting drunk on $8 Mango-ritas and desperately wanting someone to have an interest in their breasts.

I am those ladies' breast friend.

Your standards seem to have fallen. Also, don't forget to leave something for desperate busboys and dishwashers trying to work an angle.

My standards have fallen? Man I choose girls by looking at Phillipe's flowchart. Hi!

Huuuugs!

Yes!

same thing for breasts in el espanol. chi-chis.

wawait..... sound noises. not slang. [[sadsigh]]

Chi Chi is also the girl from Dragonball Z.

COINCIDENCE?

ZOOPA DOOPY DOOP

There's another kind of Bill Cosby?

As opposed to what?

I'll bet the Chinese have an onomatopeia for a washed up Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby opens his mouth and *WHAM* onomatopoeia!

your avatar really made the comment for me

Glad to entertain.

he was talking to whiteturtle.

FUCK I really need this Greasmonkey thing and AWESOME TGTTM avicon there.

Thank you.

Thank you, Dustin.

bruk.

He was talking to me.

Shut up! He was talking to me.

Shut up! He was talking to me.

They have all been talking to me.

Talk, talk. Talk, talk.

But who are you talking to?

You talking to me?

[IMGS OFF]

I'm not sure how, but your avatar makes your comment so much funnier.

synergy!

Cockhat Miranda?

That was actually your mom's Halloween costume.

I was your mom's halloween costume.

Your mom was my halloween costume; I went as "hey there's a fat whore on my dick"

no, no, scratch that.

Scratch your dick?

No, that only makes it worse.

Hit 'em with the shampoo.

Smell your dick?

That song is fucking ridiculous. And my dick is not taking any further questions at this time. I will read from a prepared statement...

That line definitely made the movie for me.

You wouldn't ask this if your hat was of strong moral character.
I'm embarrassed FOR you.

Chubbibed, for "hat all."

I would like to meet with you and the hat if possible to discuss a sequel to The Picture of Dorian Gray

Alright. I'm in. The hat wants an advance.

This is an outrage! Nobody gets an advance.

The hat says he's broke as shit. The hat is a cock, this is a fact. If it makes things easier, the advance can be paid in buttons or removable ear flaps or boxes. Apparently hats love that shit.

Man who am I kidding thinking I could carry out such a scenario. I'm a charlatan.

I disagree.

I am living Vlad's life, said the man with mostly inappropriate hair styles.

Meanwhile, Ray is living something like Roast Beef's life, at least vis-a-vis Vlad...

[IMGS OFF]

I imagine both these things happening at the same time. tiiime shiiift!

This comment is...is...it's fucking brilliant, is what it is.

Vlad is my favorite character, I'd read a strip that was nothing but him yelling at things that upset him. I liked him even better early on when he didn't use his eyebrows to show emotion.

VLAD TOLD ME TO TELL YOU HELLO

VLAD IS YOUR NEW BICYCLE

VLAD THINKS YOU ARE CUTE

something about the line "Vlad cuts to to the heart of the problem" freaks me out a bit...

I don't know, his idea is kind of logical. Outdated morals, sure, but psychologically pretty astute. Or not.

Quote:
They're positively Darwinian.

outdated morals are real morals. bleagh arggh fuiifaskjf

The Moral Code of Volgidania hasn't been updated since 1545

VLAD IS BACK

Indeed

he's back and apparently so is Brill Cream.

Brylcreem. Sadly, I did not have to look that up.

I think you mean Barylcreem

What is "Barylcreem"? Do I want to know? I guess you should answer the second question first.

You do not want to know. It is worse than Tubgirl.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brylcreem

OK, I'm even more confused than normal. Is there a joke behind the spelling "Barylcreem"? The Wikipedia entry spells it as I did.

Yes, there is a joke.

Worst...joke...ever.

:(

Don't give me that. You know I'm right.

But I said "bary".

Go sit in the corner.

What a terrible application of one's self

You have said this to me before, I'm not sure how to combat it.

*cries*
zabarydos and hedonyxbot both hate me.
=(

Wow man, wow.

I hate this meme and your insistence on trying to create and make it stick. You and TGH seem to be the biggest proponents and it must stop.

I thought it was awesome on that one page.

So do you hate me?

To tell the truth I really don't care if you don't like it or not. I almost never do it anyway.
barybarybary
onyxonyxonyx

Okay, sje, you know I like you, but it is actually getting annoying. Not so much the actual meme itself, but the fact that you make a ton of posts for no other reason, and that you seem to actually still think it's funny. I'm sorry, you know this hurts me more than you, but sometimes kids need tough love.

whatever. stop bugging me about it and ill stop

Hey - why not just desist, SJE? Be a man; make the first move.

Barycause I honyxly just want to annoy you guys.

belgand I'm not even doing anything related to that meme and you are attacking me. I haven't DONE anything related to the meme since the thing STARTED and you are attacking me for it. WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU HATE ME?!

12/9/08: Day five of the same strip being up.

Tensions are running high as posters begin to feel suffocated. Several assetbarbarians beginning to express frustration by lashing out at each other. I fear for our safety if a new strip isn't posted soon.

Eat Pogo first.

He'd be tough and gamey. Always eat the children first.
Always.

sje and catgirl first?

OK, roast 'em up!

We ought to allow them to mate or at least get in a solid second-base make out before we do so. It is only fair.

lust is the best way to cure meat.

Yes, choose the fattest and youngest, for they cook best. You would chew for days on my wiry old flesh.

He's dead, Jim.

Post count over 2,000 -- for no good reason.

This strip is now in second place on the Most Commented list.

And if so many of us, me included, had not shamelessly padded the Tattoo Discussion thread, this one would be challenging for first.

And again, for no good reason.

Oh, I'm very sorry then. I don't know why, but I thought you were joining SJE in this meme. I must have just thought that due to your encouragement of other memes you were in on this one as well. I apparently was mistaken and you have my most sincere apologies.

Quote:
Don't be such a girl!

Is there something wrong with being a girl?

Are you discriminating me?

You have to forgive him that comment. Even I come from a time when that was a standard and accepted way to chastise young males who weren't behaving in the expected fashion.

In situations of stress or disappointment or incredulosity such deeply ingrained behavior modes tend to rise to the surface.

In that context, yes, there is something wrong with being a girl, because in that situation what you need to be is a man.

An alternative is 'stop being such a big girl's blouse'. I'm not sure if that's sexist or not. Can you be sexist against an item of clothing?

Quote:
Is this not still the case? Right or wrong, I think it's kind of timeless.

In certain parts of the culture, yes.

But in a lot of places, not so much. I have seen teen aged boys wearing puffy white coats. Three years ago I had a male student, a star of the football team, whose part-time job was at Build-A-Bear in the mall. There are a lot of ways this is changing.

girls like teddy bears, he was using it as a way to get chicks.

maybe?

Certainly a possibility.

It certainly wasn't calling his manhood into question.

I, however, am considering writing a program that will call it into question. This seems ill-advised as I don't really agree with this whole "manhood" concept. Still, it seems like something that should perhaps be done.

I totally was. He had better be trying to score pussy. Either you are trying to score pussy, or a faggot. End of story.


or maybe you're just not feeling it right now? thats cool too.

I thought that, in the past, you had admitted that you yourself will occasionally enjoy the ministrations of a gentleman when you are in the mood to have such cares. Am I mistaken?

I am hell of wanting some pussy when I am making out with those dudes.

Since we're on the topic, why do women like beards? I wish guys would shave every five minutes, I hate that shit. Scratchy and not fun.

So just gay for pay?

Based on my experience women do not like beards. I have also not managed to find one of the women that are totally into long hair. I think it just sucks to be me.

In Williamsburg women will not even look at you if you don't at least have some stubble.

I prefer long hair and goatees. Full beard is cool too. I am not a fan of the fresh faced young boy look.

At least you aren't calling him a retard?

And, uh, what would that joke or meme *be*?

Working bits of the name Baryonyx into words and conversations.

Really, it's not worth examining too deeply. It is old and tired. Let it die.

It is bary imbaryant you like the meme dionyx.

Let the meme die onyx own, by never asking about it again.

That was cleverer, I admit shamebary.

At least he's not switching to Vista.

Lymphomas are very bad things. Praise God is not thing in armpit.

It would be thing most unsavory if it were to be thing in armpit. Distasteful too.

Is it just me or does Vlad's dialogue lacking a little something in this? I hate to say it, and I rarely criticize, but i didn't chuckle at his words.

I'm a sucker for Vlad's dialogue, so I might be biased in saying no. I see no difference except for the sex pepper thing which is a bit out of place.

I also don't imagine him saying "shit". It just sounds completely wrong and out of character coming out of his mouth.

(And I am ashamed of myself for this.)

You guys all realized what happened, right?

Onstad's dead.

hahaha, ho.

Is Bill Shears now writing the strip?

Billy*

i don't know if he'd care enough to make someone else continue with his stuff.


honestly.

i don't think i would get someone to do that for me.

i actually have a stipulation in my video will that in the unlikely event that I die, someone must continue my snarky internet persona.

I really have to agree. This is a false Achewood...I loves me some Vlad, but this isn't Vlad. In fact, it ain't even Ray. I am also ashamed of myself for this.

I would prefer the KoOkY one-offs like "Morally Challenging Hot Sauce" or Phillipe Lie-Bot and the Skeleton, or "When Friends Talk" (Kings were raw) or the one about Ray being a bitch about parking. Those are my favorites, when there's either a surreal, anti-humor, non-punchline ending or when Ray and Beef just bounce off each other for a while. Either way, they're both totally based on character interaction and development, and that plus dialogue are Onstad's strongest points anyway.

Tattoo Discussion had exactly this. It was not that long ago. True, we don't have as many as we used to, but it's also because the book tour has stranded us and left us slowly moving through an arc.

But that just wasn't up to snuff, and it was definitely because of the tour. Give Chris some time to recharge after Christmas and I foresee a return to form. Hopefully less arc-heavy, unless we get some kind of GOF reprise.

Oooooh damn...that sounds so wethot!

Todd misses you too, steev_dayv.


Who am I kidding? He's a crackhead squirrel.

he is a black squireel.

Racist.

Blister is white.

DOUBLE RACIST.

I don't understand any of you. At all. I'm not going to try to convince you all that it's funny, but I will say that this is the first five I've given in about two months. It has made my morning.

All I really need to say is this:

These are Onstad's characters, not yours. If he wants to light them on fire and watch them burn, that's his prerogative. I may be more interested by one-off strips, but I'm not going to tell him what to do.

By all means, this is his art form, but this is our forum to discuss how we feel.

Have a seat. How did this strip make you feel?

sexually aroused.

But we don't make it, so no matter how much we protest, it's still up to Chris whether he bends to our will or not. When you change because your public wants you to, isn't that selling out? But then on the flip side, you want to satisfy your loyal fans. Flip that flip side and you have "Loyal fans should welcome change either way." And so the argument goes round and round.

With love we'll find a way just give it time

Precisely.

It was the right reference at the right time. Thank you for setting it up.

You bring up a good point, and one we need to consider. Characters change. Where would we be if Onstad still had Connie lamenting about AIDS, or Teodor and Lyle punching Phillipe in the gut? If this is indeed an evolution of the comic or characters (I still think it's typical Vlad), then we need to roll with it because it might belong to us as fans but as the creator, Onstad has more say than we do.

I'm just expressing an opinion. I'm not so interested in the debate over the validity or permissibility of having the opinion, and I definitely don't state it with the expectation that it should hold any weight with the Stadlingtonmeister (Creator of the Very Good Free Online Comic, Guardian of Assetbar, Sire of a Million Turns of Phrase, etc).
There.

Well you're obviously entitled, this is just another look at it I guess.

{youarerad}

[rad]thanks[/rad]

YOUR OPINION SUCKS.

YOUR NEW AVATAR SUCKS

CHANGE IT PLEASE

IT MAKES MY COMPUTER WORRY

IT MAKES MY COMPUTER WANT TO GIVE HIS COMPUTER A VIRUS!!!

NO.

Oh man I hadn't even noticed what it was.

"The only crime here is that me and Chad aren't hanging out right now!"

"Did you pour a can of Axe on this?

Like a can and a half."

"WHY IS THERE NO CHAD?!"

Quote:
You really, really want him to, don't you stereo?

Now that's his prerogative.

Again you are with the being wrong.

[IMGS OFF]
It is his prerogative.

Maybe Beef... the only life that character has left in him is being subjected to a physical pun.

He is sue for another death anyway. He has been alive hell of long. He always has some wild adventures when he dies. Plus, every time he does, he becomes more cyborg. Poor Beef...

Maybe someone could reset him.

Beef is the Terminator.

I gave it a five, too. It reads like pure Vlad and Ray to me.

I think it reads accurately, I just don't like it very much.

It puts to rest the argument of who is the Hindenburg of walking into a room.
We know it's Ray!

I've given fives left and right but this is the first since "Superpenis Testicles" that I felt deserved it.

Superpenis Testikles! What news from the Achaeans?

Morale and balls are high.

Be careful what you say, you might name the new Gogol Bordello album.

which one is that? i dont remember it, and I havent been able to find it.

Vlad has said shit before: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=01172003.

I consign myself to the wrath of Assetbar now.

Quote:
I'm not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, Lou.

http://M.assetbar.com/achewood/uua8CGGH2

Okay you win. I guess I meant I can't imagine him using "shit" the way he does here, as a prefix. It sounds too street-savvy.

I dunno. I used to work with a Russian guy, 5' tall (I'm 6'5", much hilarity ensued when we carried heavy objects together) who would often punctuate his musings with "bullshit".

As in, "In Russia, Russia...we have welded ductwork. Welded. And all round! Round! Three foot wide! This ductwork, this ductwork....is all bullshit, yes? Flimsy, yes? Bullshit."

A good man, and an excellent worker, but it's a good thing he worked for someone, in that if he ever designed a system, it would have wound up looking like something out of Brazil.

Covered in horrible baby masks?

Is because In Russia, Russia...they have to live in ductwork until apartment become available. Sometimes 10 years. That or go to gulag.

They also very expert designing political systems.

Quote:
I had a college buddy from Ukraine who put together American swear words into his own creations, like "PrickShitDouche"!

Prikshitduzh does sound vaguely slavic.

We don't need Ukraine now. I accomplish the same thing with the aid of playing video games with friends. It is like a think tank for the creation of new swears.

God, there was this Ukrainian kid in my freshman philosophy course who was a prikshitduzh and was so annoyingly literal and technical that it made you want to SHIT ON HIS HEAD GOD

niggerpigfuckdammitwhore! stop picking Chun Li!

I'm convinced Chun Li made you twice as good as you normally were. BUT: me and my friends once beat the entire game using Balrog. Can you believe it? I couldn't.

I will be the first to admit:

I would pause during the spinning star kick and, you know, MASTURBATE TO IT.

I would be slightly happy when Cammy beat me (as she always did, whether I let her or not) because then she'd do the thing where she turned around and you got to see her ass.

Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix is making me play it a lot more recently and for the first time I'm playing with the Super moves and characters. Cammy is definitely all fanservice.

That's nothing compared to Jenny: The Bat in Primal Rage 2.

Man I suck so bad at that series of games. Shina the Leopard is my favorite though.

I was looking for this and I believe you mean Bloody Roar, not Primal Rage. I wondered why there was a non-Dinosaurus character in Primal Rage. Or a sequel.

Oh I'm an idiot. The characters in Primal Rage are certainly not hot, unless you're an extremely masochistic furry.

the big ape dudes weren't dinosaurs, and Vesper was an alien (maybe)

True, but the majority of the characters were and even if they were not specifically reptiles it is the most apt description when I really mean "creatures of that era" or rather, ones designed to appear to have been from that era.

Well at least you didn't shove me into the stadium, to be a quick snack health-replenisher.

I used to. I mean I still do, but I used ta too.

I read somewhere that apparently Balrog and Dhalsim dominate high-level play. I do not know how this is true (apparently Dhalsim spams throws).

I can't tell you how powerful one Balrog punch is. I never liked him and I bet most people don't, but get your opponent in a corner (ie: against the screen) and he/she is done. We only picked Balrog because we ran out of other characters to beat one particularly stubborn upper-level character (on the PSII anniversary edition thing) and from there out it was smooth sailings.

stretch, stretch, FUCKING FIREBALL

I was going to make a reference to Guilty Gear X and talk about Chipp tearing the faces off people.

I played as that ball of fire and didn't lose a round.

*the reason i didn't make it is because i couldn't remember his name, and couldn't look it up at the time.

Guilty Gear X is so FUCKING AWESOME.

the bitch with the anchor is rad

Precisely.

Ya'll some gamers.

it's shame that hat ain't got no bells on it.

*jingle jingle jingle*

Clang Clang Clang

goes the trolley.

Ding Ding Ding goes the bell.

C-c-c-c-combo breaker.

Man, I'm a dick.

Zing, zing, zing went my heart strings,
from the moment I saw him I fell.

If there were bells on my balls, I would not be dancing. I would be removing them. The bells, I would remove the bells.

Unless we were playing a game I suppose.

Is best game played by sexiest of players.

Truly, if you danced, you would be the Belle of the Ball... with bells on your balls. Everyone would admire your tinkling promenade.

I did a tinkling promenade at my company's Christmas Party last year. That is why I've been shipped to the armpit of Europe for this whole month.

oh no! is thing in armpit!

People only admire your tinkling promenade if they're into golden showers. Zeus is, but not a lot of other people are. You should check first.

What kind of bells? Are they heavy? I might not want to move them too much or they could hurt.

Belgand is not down with the CBT.

Not so much*, but if you want in on it I totally know some places here where we could make it happen for you.

*Not at all

Cognitive behavioral therapy?

Yes, I will set you up with some of the main places that are working on CBT today. You will emerge with a new and profound understanding of human psychology in a multitude of ways. This is, to you, my present.

You are psychologist, no?

I, no, I am not. But I know people who will, for you, make much the CBT. You will be unable to contain yourself at how much CBT they are doing and how much they will be willing to share with you even though are undergraduate.

There was someone here who is a psychologist, I thought.

Yeah, I can't believe I the whole CBT.

I don't even understand what you said.

Can I let him in on the joke yet?

He is Vlad?

Is no Vlad! Am havink only, how are you to have been saying... grasp of Anglish is not so tremendous? Is like Bruce Springsteen, the Boss, no?

I do this from times to time. Sometimes is like Vlad, others is like more Uncle George. Still at times further still is just broken Anglish with regards not syntaxing for proper-style.

Yes. The joke is that I do not want to offer you an interesting and career-enhancing position doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but I wish to lure you into a scenario where you will be taken to a local dungeon and/or sex club for an extended session of Cock and Ball Torture which is a most actual thing. I could likely hook this up very easily. We have some of the main sex-preverts in this town and this is a thing that makes it great. Folsom Street Fair, for example, is one of the third largest draws for the entire state and has flags on the lampposts all along the main street of town and it's a massive street fair for BDSM and leather culture. Specifically gay leather culture. Last year photos ran of a man getting anally fisted in the middle of the street (not on the street though, he was kneeling on a small platform) while a small crowd watched him or a man being fellated by another man in front of the Port-A-Potties (this struck me as an odd choice for this behavior) or places to get whipped or whip others. This is a major civic event. It is also derided, in some circles, for being too mainstream and touristy (I can agree with this, I did not go last year myself because I do not own fetish clothing and did not plan on taking part and did not want to be the sort of wander around watching others... that seems impolite and just plain incorrect) so there's another slightly more underground and more extreme Dore Alley Street Fair that occurs a bit before Folsom.

This is why San Francisco is one of the greatest places to live in the world. Sadly there is only one major open to the general public hetero (and gay as well, but there are separate floors so everyone gets what they're looking for... along with a couples-only floor too) sex club and a lot more gay ones. There are more application-only straight clubs, but that's not quite the same thing. Good Vibrations, the notable sex shop, has ads on the subway from time to time. Discreet, true, but nevertheless ads to go buy sex toys aimed at the general market.

You want to get over your fear of juices? I can arrange some intense exposure therapy (in more ways than one) lickity-erm... well, lick.

*pukes*

Oh here let me pick that up for you.

[IMGS OFF]

Dammit

Assetbar: defender of Good Taste.

Jesus we get it, San Fran is great, every other place is amazing, you are out to corrupt the morals of our youth. WE GET IT.

EVERY OTHER PLACE IS HORRIBLE NOT AMAZING.

Sometimes it helps to maybe think for a second before you post. Just sayin'.

You asked why I hate you earlier and while I do not hate you I do have to say that it definitely feels like you're trying to antagonize me.

Basically I was just trying to lure an unwitting SJE into a lengthy session of cock and ball torture and then when describing it the whole thing sort of got away from me into a more general discussion of how easy BDSM practices are to come by around here and how sexually permissive the city tends to be. I was rambling a bit, but you don't have to come after me like that.

The only other major places I have said are not amazing are Kansas and the South. Oh and the other day I said that most people probably don't think of Denver much aside from being stuck at their airport.

Seriously man, get off my case. You think I hate you for some reason, but you're always trying to give me shit. Just lay off.

I have just canceled my plans to visit San Francisco.

GOOOOONG .... GOOOOONG .... GOOOOONG!

pogo if that is directed at my asianness, i am ashamed of you. we asians are a proud, awkward, industrious people...

man, i remember when my roommate forced me to watch 16 candles with her. actually, she told me not to watch it because she and her friend were watching it and she knew i wouldn't like it and i'd just make fun of it the whole time and ruin it for them, but i insisted on watching it with them because i didn't have anything else to do that night and i promised i wouldn't make fun of it but i did and they ended up getting really mad at me after the movie ended but the point is that DAMN that movie was racist as all hell. they'd all sound a gong whenever long duk dong came into or left the room. i mean shit. i don't ever get offended but i got pretty close with that ignorant ass film.

but yea, it's about time assetbar started making fun of me for being the sole asian. falseprophet gets hella attention for being token. when is it MY turn?

The aged gentleman is implying that his gonads are large... as is the way of the geriatric knacker.

Hahahaha. That was my take also, but the lady read it all CHING-CHONG WING-WONG and is in a righteous banzai furor.

Be careful. They, or she in this case, attack in human wave.


Also- please explain your avaticon?

[IMGS OFF]

The secret of my new avaticon will never be revealed, I'm afraid.

He seems familiar. I will figure this out.

I think its just him?

It's Judd Hirsch, isn't it.

[IMGS OFF]

Why would we insult the only female asian chick?

thatwouldbefuckinretarded

The only good movie by that guy is Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I heard that Asians actually reproduce asexually and all their non-tentacle porn is just a clever ruse.

I am reading a National Book Award winning novel called Tree of Smoke which is set during the Vietnam War and in it one of the Asian prostitutes says she doesn't like boning the black dudes because their penises are too big.

Daedala, are you racist against my dick?

Wasn't that in Full Metal Jacket? Soul Brotha too beaucoup!

What we have here, yellow sister, is an excellent specimen of pure Alabama black snake, but it is not, "too beaucoup".

Isn't it* "too goddam beaucoup"?

*It applying to the movie dialog only.

Well, fuck. You might be right.

You know what I may have misremembered where I remembered that scene, or perhaps I lied and pretended it was in a book so that you would all think I know how to read. Or maybe Denis Johnson's a plagiarist and I am too lazy to go back over his huge-ass book to prove it.

V-Chub for your interpretive truthiness.

I believe The Straight Dope addressed this issue and found that based on evidence black and white dudes are roughly the same size. I believe there was an explanation that perhaps it had something to do with skin color and typically being seen in a flaccid state - such as when showering in a communal manner - that these factors would contribute to a general impression of size that was not actually found when dealing with an engorged member that is actually measured.

Why would th color make it look bigger? I thought black was slimming (Ha-cha-cha!)

I thought blacks were larger because of artificial (as opposed to natural) selection.

I thought that in the slave days, they preferred slaves with bigger genitalia.

My friend thinks it dates back to back in Africa, I say it has to do with heat transferance.

Come on guys. Say scientific things about my dick.

It cures cancer.

It has erectile dysfunction of the penile protruberance?

I don't have calipers with an appropriate degree of accuracy to measure something of that size.

"The average length of the African's penis, according to Dr. Pales, is seldom greater than 120 millimeters (4.68 inches). Testut in his Traite d'anatomie humaine gives the same figure for a European. But nobody is convinced by these facts. The white man is convinced the black man is an animal; if it is not the length of his penis, it's his sexual power that impresses the white man. Confronted with this alterity, the white man needs to defend himself, i.e., to characterize the Other..."

-Fanon, White Skin, Black Masks

This just in:

Scientific Study determines that people who have romantic attractions to rulers also have longer penises

Does...does Margaret Thatcher give you wood, stereo?

It's a bit of a problem for me. I find almost everything attractive, and how am I supposed to "tame the wild hormone" if I can't think of anything that turns me off? It's like if your car had no brakes, and you're heading for a wall made of semen.

Well, all I can say is make sure you wind up your windows.

"He has been turned into a penis. He is a penis."

I bet Fanon was hung like a horse. I wonder how the French are hung?

This week on blacksonblondes:

Franz Fanon on Simone de Beauvior

(she does not need to be blonde)

The French aren't hung, they are guillotined.

In all seriousness however, I am mostly French so if you'd like to find out?

That is, as far as I am aware, an amazingly dumb myth.

It makes sense to me. I don't see what about it is inherently dumb. It seems reasonable that some slaveowners picked their slaves partly due to the size of their genitalia; it is at least one factor that they might have looked at.

And artificial selection works just like natural, only much faster. I fail to see what is so self-evidently dumb about this theory.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was false, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were true either.

Okay, sje. Pretend you are a slaveowner. What ON EARTH would you have to gain from having slaves with bigger dicks?

Unless you are a very particular sort of slave owner.

Heck if I know. I got a northern education.

Quote:

That was one of my favorite games in preschool.

Humans can't be artificially selected to alter the population in that short a period of time. We're talking about not much more than maybe six or eight generations here and that's being a tad generous. Even if there was a slight change it is too large a shift occurring over an impossibly short number of generations to show that kind of change.

As well there is no sensible reason to have made that change or the ability to restrict mating that severely to cause it to have such a pronounced effect.

When you come up on genetics man, you're in my domain.

I don't know. Five generations seems like it would have an effect. I don't breed dogs or anything, but I'm sure by the fifth generation, the dogs would have bigger ones.
It wouldn't have an effect on ALL the blacks in the world; just most of the ones in america.

But you're right, though. I don't think slaveowners would not make too big a deal about down there. And I don't think that those not chosen would have been significantly less likely to have bred.

You win you win.

It's dumb and racist. It's the same argument used by racists to "prove" the minorities are more prone to crime, drug abuse, etc.
10 generations or so is not enough to make *any* kind of modifications to a population that size.

Indeed. The coefficient of being an extremely unacceptable idea is far too high for that to be true.

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how an large genitalia translates to being more prone to crime, etc.

You have to steal more in order to feed it.

I don't know if it was listed here right now or not, but it fits into the stereotype of being a wild, animalistic "other" and I think it really comes most from our racist past, i.e. the black man wants to rape the white women with his massive animal penis. In time this has mutated to its current form. Also, Blacks on Blondes porn which carry the same racist undertones (and overtones) and are basically completely terrible. There's a lot of very racist porn out there about black men and it all conforms to this same basic stereotype even when it's being used in an emasculating context for humiliation fetishists.

Ah. I see. Well, it wasn't my attempt, however, to portray them as animals. You can call the theory dumb or whatever, but I don't think you can call me a racist if I believed it.

I'm not trying to. You were merely taken in by a hoax. It happens. The important thing is to learn from it. We all still love you.

Dear sje46, not only would slaveovers NOT pick males with large genitalia, since they would not "fit" some females, Southerners often attacked black gentialia when lynchings occurred, often cutting said organs off and stuffing them in the dead black guy's mouth as he hung there.

So via Lamarckian evolution, slave genitalia would get smaller, to avoid lynch mobs.

I would think that the length, for the human species, would gradually get bigger what with women nowadays being so much shallower than cavewomen, because cavewomen do not watch shows such as Sex and the City.

I am eight inches long, by the way.

Too. Much. Information.

Someone is jealous.

Big deal, I am 6 feet long. Normally I am straight up and down, too.

I don't mind if you think that is my motivation. Because further comment on my part would require that I follow along with an inappropriate sharing.

So, yeah, fine, jealous, whatever.

Dude it is cool, we'll say good shit about your dick.

Oh, my god.

Do I have a chubby left?

Yes, I have a chubby left! That was high-larry-us.

Dunno why, exactly, but I laughed and laughed and laughed.

heh. chubby.

Not always. Some women prefer larger, some do not. It all depends on personal preference and your own size. I recall a Savage Love column a while back where a bunch of men with larger-than-average penises wrote in and complained about how hard it is that some women specifically do not want to have sex with them because they're afraid it will hurt, how they never get anal, how they can't go very deep, and how they rarely get deepthroated.

Porn and Craiglist's Casual Encounters sections are not the best sources in this case. People have different preferences. For every size queen out there (and I suspect a lot are just curious and expect bigger to be better) there are plenty of women who don't want to put up with some monster that they can't deal with and a sad, sad man lamenting his giant penis.

I know. I was basically just making a joke. I suspect that most women really don't care much at all how big it is, as long as it won't impale her.

True, but I like to dispense proper information when possible.

Is it just me or is that not how Lamarckian evolution (supposedly) works?

You're right.

Why didn't I notice that?

Larmakism is when, like, a giraffe's neck is long because it streches its neck far. It then passes this on to its offspring.

The point is, willies attempting to hide from lynch mobs would, over the generations, result in smaller willies.

But they were being lynched so there was no chance to reproduce. Even if they had a massive wang it would not matter.

Let us just stop talking about lynching. It was a very bad thing. I am saying this is my line. Let's move back to talking about raping babies to death.

I just temporarily unignored your belgand, so dont be dissing my theorising.

Some shrinkers would reproduce. Just a few shy wangs that were able to ward off the mob would be evolutionarily successful.

I was ignored?!? Egads! What must I do to please you? What did I do to be ignored?

I think this is saying that wang size is related directly to escaping from lynch mobs. Though not carrying an entire damn butcher shop down there would certainly make it easier to run I do not think this is a strong enough correlation.

I think we need to join forces and acquire a research grant on this. Form a think tank. This work must be done.

The ability to make ones knob inconspicuous in order to avoid the ire of the Ku Klux Klan is not about ease of 'escape' but more a form of camouflage. I'm pretty sure this area is 'all researched out' due to being completely self-evident.

"You need to teach alternative theories to Darwinian evolution."
"You mean Lamarckian evolution?"

What if we started selling off our ugly and fat people as slaves to China?

Wouldn't they end up with an ugly population of white people? Or is it more random than that?

I doubt they would pay enough to cover the shipping, so...

They could just return them in the same crates that are used to smuggle human people from China over here, it would save money.

Hmm, you may be on to something.

Why did I say "human people"

To differentiate from inhuman people, of course.

...the Jews?

Sorry, was that too soon?