I read this and immediately thought of the Rod Huggins flowchart. Chubby for you sir.

Yeah, thinking of the Rod Huggins flowchart does that to me, too. Good to see I'm not the only one.

It's almost cool.

No, but I have it so I might as well be true to myself.

I'll take a make-believe disease over a real one any day.

Your post gives me the thinnest pretext to relate the following anecdote. Richard Harris was on with David Letterman once, and they had roughly the following exchange:

Richard Harris: I had the best times of my life when drinking. I loved every second of it, and don't regret anything about it.

Letterman: So why did you stop?

RH: [very matter-of-factly] Oh, because I wanted to live.

-

BTW, if you ever see him on a talk show rerun, let it roll, as he always reeled-off* 12 minutes of great stories.

*almost wrote "came with", but decided I couldn't risk initiating the ensuing enendre-fest.

Make that "entendre-fest".

Would you rather a boring meaningless life, or a rock n roll bad ass happy time mother fucker?

Yeah I have to make up words.

I think Harris timed it just about right, since I don't think he quit drinking until he was well into his 60s, maybe 70s.

Cast off*

I remember seeing that episode. Good times.

chubby for "thinnest pretext." always props to a man who acts true to his motives.

Thanks, mawk. Sometimes the story must be told, whether or not anyone wants to hear it.

Almost.

speaking of drinking...

i turned 21 today (well, the 30th.)

as new year's eve is the day most people get a head on, i thought i would ask those respectable enough (you know who you are.) what you think i should enjoy (or attempt to enjoy) on this excellent event.

serious replies only, puh-lease.

comic related:
ain't seem like anybody's bangin' on all cylinders in this comic sometimes.

My first legal purchase on the night of my 21st was a bottle of Jim Beam with I finished without sharing. I'd already been drinking illegally long before that, but it was still excessive. I would in no way suggest that you follow that lead. It was sort of a questionable idea and it had tragic results for my insides.

If I were to go back and do it again, I would buy a middle-of-the-line bottle of vodka, some Kahlua and half a pint of cream. The White Russian is much more than just a cult fad drink; it's maybe the most perfect cocktail ever cocktailed.

If you're looking for beer, then I suggest Stella Artoi, or perhaps Hoegaarden. These are good beers an honest man can enjoy.

Also, happy birthday.

I concur, two of my favourite beers ever.

It's probably too late, but I'd recommend a bottle of Prosecco, a white Italian wine that is slightly sparkling and pretty cheap, while also being good. Much better than any champagne I've ever tried, which tend to be astringent and dry.

Hey, I have your same birthday. Do what I did, get a whole bottle of Rye whiskey.

I thought Night Train was the beverage of choice. That is, unless you prefer Thunderbird.

What's the word?
THUNDERBIRD!

What's the price?

Beans and rice.

Who said that?

Cat in the hat.

Go get a tat

A fight in every bottle!

Thirty twice!

Before you fall, you have to learn to crawl
You can't see heaven when you're standing tall
To get the whole sky
On the ground you have to lie
I remember now
I remember now
why they called it Thunderbird...

My new years resolution: to reply to as many posts as possible with TMBG lyrics.

I like that song. I like that whole album, actually.

It was OK, but I've found it took a lot longer to grow on me than Mink Car, even though I too complained a bit about having heard almost everything off that album beforehand.

The Else... well, that's taking even longer to grow on me. Some good songs, but I'm still thinking it's Their worst album. Venue Songs and some of the stuff on Cast Your Pod to the Wind was better.

"Thunderbird", "Damn Good Times"... some good songs were on The Spine, but it was a tough go at first. "With the Dark", however, was just plain awesome.

The Else isn't a favorite of mine either. Feels uninspired. I do like "The Shadow Government" though.

Yeah, that was good too. One of the few early standouts for me. But "With the Dark" was just... inspired and original and great.

After listening to it again I think it has the same problem as Factory Showroom in that it has some really good songs on it and a number of really weak songs or just mediocre songs that bring it all down. It's also, well, it doesn't really entirely sound like Their usual output in many places.

I did note that it has some great basslines on a lot of songs. "The Shadow Government" is rather rollicking and drives the song well. "Withered Hope" brings some almost unexpected slap bass.

Ultimately it seems to be the Dust Brothers produced tracks that are the weakest and tend not to sound much like TMBG and more like, well, a bit more like the Dust Brothers produced them. I mean, "Withered Hope" really bears the marks of their production. The TMBG produced tracks tend to be much better. When they all worked together I think the blend of styles shows through a bit more and you get a nice, gentler influence that brings out the best of both.

It also really doesn't help that the album has many of the weaker tracks earlier on. Not that they should front-load the hell out of it, but I'm not entirely sold on the track ordering. Ending with
"The Mesopotamians" though was, well, how could you do anything else?

I'm a huge fan of their early stuff, but I haven't heard a new TMBG album since Factory Showroom. It seemed like they were nearing the end of their run. Was I wrong?

Yeah. Factory Showroom is largely regarded as their worst album. They certainly slowed down there for a while and the next release was the live Severe Tire Damage, but Mink Car was rather good and the next full release.

I recall it came out on 9/11/01 along with Ben Folds' first solo album Rockin' The Suburbs (and while that was a great album and a revitalized sound after Ben Folds Five had been meandering with Rheinhold Messner it was also his last decent album before he basically just moved into adult contemporary garbage).

Rheinhold Messner is my favorite Ben Folds Five album.

Weird. I thought they clearly declined from the first album. A lot more weepy ballads and by Messner they had added so much extra instrumentation much of the time that it was turgid and overproduced much of the time. I mean, the horns absolutely made "Army", but much of the rest of it just wasn't that good in my opinion.

Interestingly I saw them on tour for that album and it was much better live once the production was stripped away.

Belgand, everything you disliked about Messner is what made it my favorite, although I would be interested in hearing the stripped-down live version as well. Loved the self-titled debut, too. Other than that I'm not much into him. I mean, not even the stuff of his that I love is something that I'd ever put on around other people. He's a little embarrassing. But I can dig those two by myself sometimes.

Fear of Pop is mine, no wait, thats Ben Folds, and I like it (I am not a big fan of Ben Folds athough his cover of Bitches Ain't Shit is pretty cool)

You guys know that Ben Folds Five just reunited (one time only) and played Rheinhold Messner straight through? You can see it on myspace... my production company filmed it for them. FYI! The show was awesome.

I liked "Prevenge."

And you know that the girls are just making it up
And you know that the boys are just pushing their luck
And you know that the right doesn't really exist
And my name's not really on that list

what's the time?
diaper time...

i threw down hell of ducats on a bottle of absinthe which we drank the new year in with. spicy licorice. i had three jagerbombs and 1-1/2 washington apples and a um...'something' brain.

it was all purdy good. my third time of alcohol ever touching my lips and the world was ever so slightly tilted. my eyes were almost trying to cross themselves and no hangover the morning after! (i don't know why i feel like i need to share all of my drinking experience with y'all.)

i'm excited to have a Guinness with one of my buddies and have some crispy stellas at Gin Ocean. whenever that's going to be.

Bloody brain? Brain hemorage? IIRC they're the same thing and I've known friends who liked them.

Quit mocking my failure to execute Gin Ocean.

i'm not mocking it! i really am up for doing a thing.

stuff like that just takes time to set up.

a long.


long.


long.

longlonglong.


time.

hope to see y'all at Gin Ocean '09.
Phoenix Convention Center.
August 15-17.

A thing would really be fun (I have done such things in years past.) But we need Momentum.

Current discussions have involved my discussions on hosting such an event in San Francisco at some point in the future. Elbox and Zapatos have stated interest.

We tried, man. We tried so hard. I guess it was just not meant to be.

Two days ago I was wandering around my local liquor store to put my hands on one of these fine St-Emilion (to refill my french organism with old yet fresh blood, you know...) when I stumbled upon a few bottles of Ketel One. I'll raise a toast to you upon my first sip!

... of orange vodjuiceka.

I'm sorry for being late to the party.. but if you can find it, there is no finer shot than Yukon Jacks Permafrost.. a little bit of ice.. a bit of fire.. and a lot of drunk.

Ketel One would have been the obvious choice.

i appreciate how your comment is referenced as number 1944 on this comic.

dang, peeps, we went NUTS up ins.

I wish people would think of the big picture before going on a god damned laming spree... I don't always want to spend 5 minutes logging my parents shitty computer while im home for the holidays just so I can read the comments. Even if the comment you are laming are actually lame, I still have to read them to understand the following comments that you chubby. 69 chubbies and 4 lames = hidden. Cool.

Look just below the "post a comment" box.

His point is that you have to log in to change that.

...I said "log".

What is called christmas? I celebrate something different, I celebrate giving presents to people.

I would get one that never needs ironying, myself.

What, you iron your t-shirts?

What, you don't iron your t-shirts?

Ironically, yes.

My T's are 90% cotton, 10% irony.

mine are mostly just made out of regret

My shoes are laced with irony.

Clearly.

Oh wait, were you being... ironic?

I got a text message on Christmas from some random person in Missouri that said, "Merry Giftmess". No idea who sent it. It haunts me still.

Can you explain that last sentence (not the douche part) because the sytax seemed weird to me.

While I understand that there are plenty of atheist and agnostics out there who do good things for the world, and plenty of religious folks who just fuck the planet up, usually it's the religious people spreading goodwill and the non-religious people Bah, Humbugging it up.

And Christmas has become BARELY about the birth of Christ so can we just still call it Christmas and not whatever ironic name we can think of to make us sound cynical and cool.

Or if we do have to give it an ironic name can we call it Giftmyass?

I stopped believing in the Christmas story about 30 years ago. But I still find myself saying "Merry Christmas."

Jesus was a pretty awesome dude. He didn't create any art, he didn't invent anything, he didn't originate any theories, and he didn't kill anyone, yet we still remember him thousands of years later.

Offhand, I can't think of anyone else with those credentials.

I don't have to believe any supernatural stories to think of Jesus as a pretty cool guy. The way I put it is, I believe in, and venerate Jesus, but I don't believe in Christ.

I think the world would be a much better place if everybody acted a little more like Jesus. That's actually one of the reasons I don't really like Christ. If Jesus is Christ, he is supernatural, and I can be excused for not emulating his behavior. But if he is just a man, I can believe that I have a chance to follow his example.

But anyway, after saying "Merry Christmas" for over 40 years, I still say it today. And it doesn't bother me to say it, even though I don't believe the underlying story.

This may make me a hypocrite, but if so, that's OK with me.

But I also don't mind the calling it Giftmas. It is an apt description.

Wait, what? TALKING CATS???

If you're going for original ideas it's hard to say who really thought of anything. Jesus or Buddha, preaching generally good things but did they think them up? Difficult to say. Buddha's about 500 years older though.

Buddha fucked up though.

He didn't get a holiday named after him.

"Happy Buddhaday"

Or would it be "Buddhamas"?

Buddhadan?

Buddhakah?

Buddhalicious?

I think his birthday is celebrated in some places. I don't think it's a major thing, though. Probably something along the lines of our Presidents' Day.

double meh

Yes, it's called Wesak Festival, celebrated in some place called Asia. It is still something of a big deal 2600 years later.

Well, yeah, maybe, but.

Anyway, I have never been to Asia.

[IMGS OFF] ?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Christmas is a day of Santa and presents. I don't even think of Jesus. I couldn't care less if he existed and do not feel like I should venerate the guy, whether he existed and was cool or not. Some guy said cool things 2000 years ago. Some people think he was magic. Who cares. Where is my stocking?

Ahem.
BUDDAH. MOHAMMED. SANTA CLAUS. YOU ARE FAIRLY IGNORANT. THE LIST GOES ON FOR A PRETTY LONG TIME. LIKE, UNTIL CHAUNNUKA(from new year's.) Although I agree with your sentimate, I just needed to do that. Like a wise man once said, "But there's someone wrong! On the INTERNET!"

XKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDRE
FERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENC
EALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERTXKCDREFERENCEALERT

Man would you shut up?

That would be awesome.

. . . . . .

Man, i approve,
I love both these comics, why the need for such hatred ?

Chubby Par Sympatie

I have made it clear that I'm probably the biggest fan of xkcd here. It is one of my two favorite comics.

I remember the time I visited the xkcd forums and I saw you there. Two different parts of my internet were connected. It was a little weird.

Haha. It freaks you out, don't it?
What thread?

I see sje in the xkcd irc and it's like... I know that guy.

The first time I saw you there I was like . .. what?
You should play mafia with us sometime.

Oh I think someone just quoted you in their signature or something.

My good friend Brandi! I sigged her back :)

What? I'm not faulting anyone for believing in Jesus, nor was I making any sweeping statements about religious people. I'm just saying that, while it might not coincide with your opinion on the subject, some people might feel bad about referring to "Christmas" when they actually have no interest in possibly-real first century thinkers and just want to give presents or celebrate the evergreens or whatnot. Don't go takin' offence that I ain't offerin'.

Okay, I am willing to concede that I have a problem with run-on sentences.

All religious people are made out of candy.

See I was a Christian, until I decided I didn't want to worship the Lord anymore. I know what Christmas is "all about" and I don't celebrate that holiday.

I do however love to give and receive gifts, so I celebrate Giftmas.

Actually only about 30% of the world believes in jesus.

Touche?

Really? Unholy mackerel.

Is that including Muslim? I think they believe he's a prophet.

No, not including Islam. Otherwise they'd have to include Judaism and whatnot as well, and that would be silly.

Why?

Judaism doesn't have any spiritual investment in Jesus. Islam acknowledges and considers him holy, even if he's not the messiah.

As far as I'm aware, Jews believe in the Old Testament, Christians in the Old and New, and Muslims believe in Old, New, and the Koran.
Someone please inform me if I'm wrong, which I probably am.

I'm almost like, 100 percent certain you are wrong on that last part. The Quran is the main Muslim holy book and they have no other.

See, Judaism and Muslim(inity?) diverges do to Abraham trying to father a child with his Arab housekeeper due to him not having faith that YHWH would allow his own wife to have children. He shunned the housekeeper and his son, who ended up being the main ancestor of the Muslims, so I would imagine that his descendants would shun anything representing Abraham.

(Man, please let me be right about that, otherwise I just looked a fool on Assetbar.)

Islam.
I dunno, and am too lazy to research.

Damn it, I knew that didn't look right.

I'm sorry I looked like an ignorant jack ass up there by not knowing the difference between Muslim and Islam.

It's fine dude. You know that other thing about the housekeeper.
Can't most amerricans not even find new jersey on a map?
we all don't know a few things most other people know.

Well it's a story I've read/heard/been told several times. Whatever your belief system, the Old Testament is very intriguing read, especially the early stuff (the later parts of Genesis and all of Exodus) and the stuff about King David.

I agree actually. I don't know too much about david, though. I've read parts of the Bible (not a lot though, haha).
Old Testament>New Testament. The story of Jesus' life is interesting and all, but they tell it four times. And then have a bunch of letters. Snoozefest.

You're confusing the origin story of the Arab Semitic people with the Islamic or Muslim teaching, which was transmitted through the Arab prophet Mohammed.

They recognize Jesus and Moses, etc as prophets, but regard Mohammed as being the last upgrade, like SP3.

Oh, you already schooled, them. Well, I agreed with you.

You fool, I have read Al-Qur'an (got my copy right here, the Ahmed Ali translation), and Mohammed goes on and on about Abraham, Mose, and Jesus, and how everyone seems to have ignored their message, so now the Arabs are getting a version. Muslims consider Jews and Christians to be "people of the book," and respect their prophets.

Ok, I admitted that I might have fucked up the exacts of the details, but where did I say they DON'T respect their prophets?

SJE was implying (from what I thought) that Muslims used both the Old and New Testaments of the Judeo-Christian Bible AND the Quran as their holy books, and I was correcting him on THAT, NOT whatever the fuck you guys are talking about.

I respect you pogo, and I respect what you are trying to achieve here, and if I am wrong in anyway with my implications I apologize, but I think you are wrong in what you are trying to pin me with.

Are we sure that Muslims don't use them both?

Muslims swing both ways, pass it on

pogo has read the Achmed Ali translation from the back to the front, pass it on

I pretty certain. I'm hoping I didn't piss of pogo fully and he comes back to set us right, because he apparently really does know more than me on this subject and would probably be able to explain.

Pogo doesn't seem that mad.

You're right, I'm never really very mad. Just craaaaaaazy.

No harm, no foul. Sorry I didn't read your post more closely before shooting my mouth off.

OH MY GOD SO MUCH HARM AND FOUL.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

Taking theology seriously chubby.

The housekeeper in question is Hagar.

The record will note that, in addition to the 5 lames, this comment has 71 chubbies.

You won't believe it, but I hit refresh one time. That's why I've never had the chance. I don't do that.

First post should not be something that people race for.

...For haste can lead to typos.

And typos lead to this.

A quadruple first post which led to much hatred from some. I, for one, found it hysterical. Most wished me dead.

Let this be a warning for you who seek the first post. Be ready.

I had my taste and it was delicious. Now I'm done with it.

I got you a chubby, and a showbiz sign.

Where is Showbiz during all of these Beef flashbacks
?

My guess is he's somewhere in Tijuana drowning in Tequila and stereo magazines.

in jail

In Corliss?

I don't generally think there are giant time gaps between the births of the first and second twins (RB looks about 10 here), so I'm gonna go with no.

And if you were going with an Oedipus thing, then eww.

I believe that you are correct on both counts.

Quote:
In Juvenile Hall, no doubt.

Presumably not living with Corliss, or she'd've gotten three thighs/three biscuits. (For X-mas breakfast? Wow, dude is from hella circumstances).

I like pogo's suggestion, personally; if Michael was a stereo and Tequiza addict at, like, age 10 then presumably Beef would've been living with Gramma K long before he was.

It's all shiny, sir.

Mine was the first post on the first post, so it'll be the second comment people see. Sadly yours will be


down here.

Is the Tom-Waits

I hate to say it and it's totally out-of-character for me, but sometimes you have to realize that it could always be worse.

I think a part of Beef, the part that knows enough to be able to lament his terrible Christmas Eve sees in this encounter that it could be that much worse for him.

A tiny moment of, well, not quite joy, but certainly something.

Does it seem to you that this strip is full of clues? I mean, not like Riven-style clues, but there are so many random specifics that they seem to lead somewhere ...

What.

I live in Kingston. Get out of my head Charles, etc.

Charles?

That is anxkcd forums meme, but with "randall"

Hahahahaha!

Oh, Sje.

I def have this feeling, which is the reason for my comment below.

Are you saying this is the start of some sort of Achewood alternate reality game?

"Because I Got Depression", in its depressing nature, made me happy because it made Achewood better.

"Because I Got Depression", in its depressing nature, made me happy because it made Achewood better.

THIS IS IN THE WRONG PLACE WHAT THE FUCK

Also:

::playful chin punch and wink::

FUCK THIS IS ACTUALLY ALSO IN THE WRONG PLACE FUCK

You truly want this chicken dead.

The screaming that chicken has endured over the months is enough to kill the both of them.

I find it disturbingly fitting for Beef, being from circumstances.

When he yells at that chicken, he's yelling at Circumstances.

The holiday depression series continues.

No wonder Beef hates the Cure

Word.

*nuggie*

*wedgie*

oh, assetbar philippe!
may your holidays be merry and bright.

aww... happy kwanza to you to!
seriously tho, that's sweet (something that can't often be said about message boards)

Try getting anywhere with 2 misfiring cylinders in your import!

Maybe American cars would be better if instead of making them run well after they break, they designed them not to break in the first place. Kind of like imports do.

The mid-70's-to-early-80's were the saddest time for American cars.

Pretty sure Ford would argue for the present to win that coveted award.

TOPICAL HUMOR!

AVATAR COMMENT SYMMETRY!

GEORGE BUSH IS A POOP!

GEORGE BUSH STEPPED IN MONKEY POOP!

TROPICAL HUMOR!

POPSICLE RUMOR!

HOPSCOTCH CUMMIN!

Ah well, I tried and that's all that matters.

Wait, I got a better one:

Hot pickle tumor.

I will never forgive the 80s for what it did to the Mustang. Mid 70s I do not hate because no other time before or since or to come gave us/ will give us an average car weight of 4000-some-odd-lbs. When cars were Automobiles.

Here's looking at you, 76 Cadillac Deville. You are this week's Car of the Week: Christmas Edition.
[IMGS OFF]

No, man... just, no. Do you really want to hear a lecture on automotive history and the drastically negative effects of government regulations?

Let me just put it this way:
I've owned a 1967 Chrysler Newport, and a 1976 Buick LeSabre, both cars being good representatives of the medium-priced full sized sedans of their period, both very close in size.

The '67 had superior build quality and durability of the interior, exterior, and mechanical componaents. It weighed less by a couple hundred pounds, was far more powerful, and averaged around 15 mpg compared to the '76's 10 or so mpg.

Similarly, government over-regulation and excessive safety standards are the reason why modern economy cars, including "green" novelties such as the Prius get worse mileage than what some imports achieved in the early 70's. Ditto why the latest generations of Camaro/Mustang/Challenger are all pushing 4000 lbs.

I don't care, this is purely from an aesthetic and slightly ironic standpoint. Of course those behemoths were shit. But they're bitchin' to look at with your eyes.

What do you mean? Imports break just as fantastically as any other car. I used to think they were much better cars until I started working at the auto centre and found that they knock, leak and burn oil, interiors made of paper and melted down transformers action figures. Car trouble usually happens because of the operator and not the car. Most people dont even lift their hood once a week and shout "HOW ARE THINGS GOING IN THERE" let alone perform scheduled maintenence...AGGRH it makes me angry.

Corliss' car just needs a new cap & rotor, and a set of plugs. 30 bucks back in '81. It'll probly run just fine after that but she is from circumstances.

Sweet Baby Jesus in a basket, it was just a joke about having to drive shitty cars. In General. Because you're too FUCKING POOR to get it fixed!

Howwayyver-
Part of the joke being that those detroit honkers had 8 cylinders, so they actually could limp by ugly on 6, whereas that ain't happenin' with a 4-banger.

Yes, gazdatronik, Corliss' car may get some healing from plugs, cap & rotor, but more likely it's burnt valves, so she's screwed until she works out a deal with someone like Lyle to redo the heads on it. And the cylinders are probably needing rings also, so just redoing the heads is a big waste.

ah, retraction of previous statement. we've got a car knowledge geek off here. i should step aside

I hate to diagnose a fictitious car, but misfires are ignition sourced. My roomate has the shittiest Ford Taurus on earth(and the moon). It runs nice and smooth despite burning 2 quarts of oil a day. It's gonna run forever, but badly forever. I love that car.

Okay, Gaz, you are absolutely correct. Missing can imply several different causes, misfiring implies fire not being present.

I also have a Taurus story you may enjoy. It's what we call a shaggy-dog story. We have a '95 little red wagon with 3.8 6-banger that looks like it rolled off the showroom floor. We got it 1 1/2 years ago with < 50k miles. Immaculate. Maybe 1 little scratch in the finish. Interior still smelled new. It had sat in garages most of those 12 years. Why?

You know the story with the '95's and shitty headgaskets? Ford was doing recalls and cashback because those crap gaskets would fail around 50k. Back to that later.

The reason it was basically unused was the first owner, a woman, developed cancer shortly after purchasing it. After a few years, she died. It sat in garage a few more years, then her husband sold it to a friend.

Next owner, a woman, also developed cancer. It sat garaged, she died. This was in Dallas.

Her widower sold it to a friend, who sold it to a retired Federal Penitentiary warden, who we later bought it from. This was a nice old guy, but a hard guy too. You can imagine.
He felt obligated to tell us the car's history before signing it over. This guy was living in my hometown less than a mile from where I grew up 40 years ago. Okay, we know it may be cursed. My wife writes out a check, but forgets to sign it. He doesn't notice it either.

My wife wanted to drive it so she could haul stuff around. He calls next day. Oh, sorry. We can get you cash. No, he just wants to get the correct check, he doesn't like driving around with that much cash. He's driving through to OKC, so we meet and fix this.

After 6 months, the tranny case cracked one morning. Out of the blue. Nothing wrong mechanically. You know what that runs, it's like a full rebuild. Everything, planetary gears has to be swapped into a new case. Okay.

A month later, it starts overheating on her. It had never had the cooling system flushed ever, so I did a thorough flush. Pure rust water, as you can imagine. Cancer of the cooling system.
Of course, that rust was what was serving in place of the rotted headgasket, which soon failed right on schedule after I had totally flushed it.

Wife is ready at this point to just ditch this car. My mechanic agrees. He saw many of this model with the headgasket issue, but of course, years earlier. Online, there is plenty of corroborating evidence.
I call Ford Service and tell them I have this car they had issued recalls and rebates for exactly this issue, here's the VIN, blah-blah. They say, well, it is past the date, and I explain that is because it sat in a garage while its previous owners were dying of cancer, I'm sorry FORD for that slight inconvenience of timing.
They of course, won't budge.
I tell the guy I am cursing his company, screw you Ford, FUCK YOU. May you FAIL! I have had maybe 6 Ford trucks and vans that had lots of heart. That's probably the last.

I tell my mechanic, okay, let's fix it anyway. It never seriously overheated, let's get the heads resurfaced, get a good gasket kit. This bad gasket is a known issue. This guy is like my brother, he is so conscientious.
Okay, he'll do it. He is so much more worried than me that he's taking my $, putting his work and part into a doomed vehicle, and I'm going to drive out the door and the car will overheat and die. Because that exact thing happened to him a month earlier with another person with a Ford. Maybe a Festiva. It was sitting in his back lot when I drove the Taurus up, all blowing huge clouds of steam out the exhaust.So he fixes it, goes through everything he can think of related.

A few months later, my wife is driving to work, by way of a rural route, and hears a thump on the side. Last time she heard a thump, it was the transmission case torquing a crack in itself. There are 2 deep little dents on rear passenger door, an inch apart like 00 shotgun pellets. No one in sight. Nothing.

This is the car we took to Dallas for Thanksgiving at my sister's last month. Halfway there, around the town where I grew up, and where we'd bought it off the guy, it starts overheating.
I pop the hood and there's antifreeze all over the manifold. Crap.
Limp it in to a station to top it off with water and antifreeze, and I see a topside heater-hose spewing with a pinhole leak. This is road-fixable with a hose-clamp and some rubbery gasket material. All you need is a common screwdriver or a 5/16" socket for the clamp nut. On down the road we go, no problem. I later replace the hose.

But I'm still smelling that faint, horrid antifreeze smell, and I suspect another hose is developing a leak.
The motor is tight as a drum, however.

What do they call it...

V-Chub? I have one for you.

Post too long... ADD setting in... looking at lolcats... argghh damn you.

But it is a very fun story, you should try again.

noooo...

Yeah those 3.8's are hellish. His is a 3.0, fortunately. In fact I will be buying it soon for 250 dollars. I'm going to chop the back and make it into an el camino type vehicle. When it rolls over 300,000 miles I might get it a new radio.

The 3.8 is a stout motor, it was just those few years they put a cheesy headgasket in it. Zippy, good mileage.
That's a lot of work to chop the roof, put in a window? put a bed in the trunk?
Surely there's a few El Caminos or Rancheros out there somewhere.
If I were you, I'd be looking for a salvage motor instead of pouring 2 qts of oil a day on the highway. Just my 2 cents.

I have to create things. some people are happy with buying what they want but I'm more of the "journey being more important than the end" type.
Unless its about ending the band Journey. This is on my global list of things that need to happen.

Sorry, this was way too long to read. What's the punch *hick-up* line?

I believe you mean hiccough.

hic-cup?

You hate to diagnose a fictitious car do you? Because you sound like you enjoy it very much indeed.

yeah, but the dude had car knowledge and a need to show it off. let him have his moment

i'm scrolling down looking for the icon with the bouncing boobies and i'll take a break to respond to a random comment:

i got nothin...

back to scrolling

There're are websites...you know....places you can go.

Wow. That's odd.

What's odd?

Quote:

I mean, how the fuck does that even happen?

Oh, I didn't even notice.

Nor did I. Until I did.

ashoykh has Kids Only, so he is unable to go on those sites.

Kids Only .. .Grown-ups are boring and poopoo heads!

I will have you know that I shout at my car engine AT LEAST every other day.

Just the other day I hit mine with a tree branch in a cathartic display of futile anger.

Basil?

Coming, my little pirahna fish.

I feel like this is something about this comic that I don't quite understand and thus I will wait until I rate it. I suppose it's probably just being atmospheric. There sure are a lot of names in this one though.

Don't scare people on Christmas.

Yes.

Langsam, Wozzeck!

LAAAAAAAAAAAANGSAM!!!

Vhy do you people keeps telling me to slow dwown?

I'm sorry, you just got a little too excited while giving me a shave, and I needed you to just chill out for a sec. We cool?

...Du, deine Mutter ist tod!

I don't understand this but my instinct tells me it deserves a chubby from me.

Who is to say the Lovers of Naples aren't the ones doing the broadcasting, you faithless automaton?

I find your jib as well-cut as your muttonchops, Zwab. Truly, a most agreeable fellow you are! In the aft of this Christmastide repast I shall endeavor to drink an entire magnum of my finest Burgundian red to your good health and fortune.

Ah, thankee! I much appreciate the gesture--I'll down some fine Scottish whiskey in your honor.

How did you know about the number stations? Have you ever heard those on shortwave? It is excellent. I picked up a broadcast from vietnam on a shortwave radio unit from a B-17 bomber that I was repairing, and a russian numbers station was blasting out their transmission at 50 megawatts making the greatest sounding interference I have ever heard.

I didn't believe them on first glance, this comic tends to be immaculately spell-checked.

Hurry, screenshot before he changes it!

Two ands?

It's a Christmas Miracle!

Like the day he followed our meme, he put substituted bary for very in the alt-text. It was awesome.

For five minutes.

It was "barly" for "barely", I baryve.

I'd go look, but I'm wrapping gifts.

I think you're right though.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU TWO?

LUMPS OF COAL, I SHIT YOU NOT.

Two thighs, two biscuits, two ands. Is this not the way?

God, I'd like two biscuits and some chicken right now.

[IMGS OFF]

Is it Peta ?

Anybody else want to get some KFC?

Hells yeah.

I wish this was really a sign outside a KFC


BRUK? BRUK?

It looks like Beef's short pants change color between the 7th and 10th frames. Y/N?

looks like that would be mistake number 2, after the double "and".

I forgive Chris.

I live so close to Edina, MN! Like two hours away, I think.

I live even closer! When I'm at school. Maybe Stephen Lokis can help me. With my problems.

That man is like the ghost of Christmas future.

for some reason, this strip is sort of... sweet, almost. aw, I just love the little cat roast beef.

Ah, laundromats. Awkward silences, reluctant smalltalk, outdated flyers taped on the walls. A choice between a mind-numbing wait of hours, or wondering uneasily who moved your underwear when they needed the dryer.

Merry Awkward Christmas everybody! May your interactions with family or total strangers be strange and bemusing.

My god what a fucking masterful depiction of a Bic pen.

Seriously.

Holy shit! Raven Riley!?

FUCK YES

God damn, how the hell could you possibly know that? You can't even see her face here!

Are you not looking at the picture?

Raven is the hottest mchottie around!

Rowboat's a fuckin' creep - PASS IT ON!

Well, now we have to ask the obvious question - who is the other? I don't feel like I know you well enough to guess, but I'm just gonna throw some out there. Allie Sin? Tory Lane? Alektra Blue?

aurora snow? she's my favorite. such a cutie pie.

Hey, we have something in common; we should, you know, go out and junk.

John Holmes.

Duh.

He turned out to be a real douchebag. Ever see Wonderland?

That was Val Kilmer. DUH!

(seewhatididthere?)

Duh.

[and my real answer to the above question is Ivana Fuckalot, a real class act in spite of the ridiculous nom de guerre]

That girl needs a sandwich or 60.

I wouldn't have guessed her because she's not so much a pornstar as she is one of those self-run amateur people a la Heather from ideepthroat.com. Plus I think she's taken - I always see her boning the same emo-looking fucker.

Amateurs are the real stars, these days. And her apparent monogamy is perhaps the greatest turn-on for me.

God, what a weird thing to appreciate when you're spankin' it in front of a computer screen....

And, yeah - she's a little on the lean side. Not usually what I go for. But she's just got this certain...something..... Can't put my finger on it.....OH YEAH! She's basically the da Vinci of giving head! That's it!

[And now I am done discussing porn stars on the internet on Christmas day. I will now go to my girlfriend's grandparents' home and gorge myself on dead animals and try think of anything but Ivana and Raven in the process]

Wouldn't mind feasting on some Raven myself.

i finally checked out this ivana chick and oh my god this monogamy thing totally rubs me the wrong way.. dammit, why... dirty.. I DONT LIKE WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A LOT OF OUTS

Lucky, there are one or two other sites out there that feature 100% monogamy-free porn. You may have to do some searching, but they're out there.

It does feel slightly like voyeurism. These people could love each other, or whatever. Wait, it's worse than voyeurism! It's a chick-flick!

I never came to Thelma and Louise, is all I'm sayin'.

right, exactly. dude all loves her and stuff. like the way he touches her, you just know he's all attentive to her needs and worships her basically, all running out to get her a nice juicy cheeseburger just because she looked like she might have wanted one, all buying her presents on her birthday and just every month probably, all spending hours giving her sexual pleasure without even asking for nothing in return, all smart probably reciting pushkin poems to her right up to her climax. oh my god i will never find anyone like that i am so lonely.

You fucking know that Ivana Fuckalot has never had a juicy cheeseburger.

I'd give her a juicy cheeseburger if you know what I mean hur hur hur

She'd have to wait in line for seven hours and drop 3 months of dick smoking money.

I was that guy once, except I had to write things or cook for her because I was too hilariously poor to buy things.

On another note, while porn is not my thing, I think it's a hell of lot better for a monogamous couple to go at it on film than the soul-destroying glorified prostitution that's the norm of the industry.

Thank heavens for soul-destroying glorified prostitution!

Women don't want to date that guy. It is a fantasy that doesn't remotely translate to reality.

When a guy worships a woman and treats her like that, she gets bored and dumps him.

Women always burden themselves with dream men that they wouldn't like at all in the real world.

Men never do that.

Nope.

I think this depends largely on who you interpret what was said up there. Worships as in would fight eleven men with knives to defend her honor, or would grovel at her feet and depend on her to make all decisions, and then there's even would spread rumors that she has herpes to keep other men away from her.

One of these is not like the others.

It doesn't matter how you define "worship." If a man is always catering to the woman, he ceases to be a challenge.

As soon as he ceases to be a challenge, he becomes boring.

As soon as he becomes boring....

I think you know the rest.

You're terrible at reading the words I wrote, biff.

I went back and reread them a couple of times.

I am still terrible at it I guess, because if you weren't discussing different definitions of "worship," I have no idea what you are talking about.

I saw one definition that probably is a good thing, one definition that is pretty clearly a bad thing, and one definition that is really talking about greed and covetousness, not worship.

But I am open to an explanation of what I am missing.

uh wozzeck i don't think any of your definitions of "worship" were what i interpreted mr. ivana to be doing. a friend explained to me the other day that there are guys who will take care of you with regard to big things (protect you if eleven guys are attacking you) and guys who will take care of you with regard to small things (getting you things, making you feel comfortable, being sexually attentive). i think i've only really had experience with the first type of guy, and i would not call that worship. perhaps he values me and is thus willing to protect me in extreme circumstances, but in the day-to-day gestures he falls short.

biff may be onto something though. i mean, i'm sure it's no accident that i end up with these types. perhaps lack of attentiveness is just a by-product of being with a guy who's superior to you in some way, and of course this superiority is why you like him in the first place.

but it'd be nice to get a little "small scale" attention from someone you already admire, is all i'm saying.

If we're going to get into personal experience to define or views...

Let me put it this way:

I would very much fall into the first category I mentioned. I also do the small things, more so with my ex than ever another, because I damn well know that the small things are important. If she coughed at night, I would be in the kitchen getting her a glass of water before she had a chance to ask. If she fell asleep curled around my arm, cutting off its circulation, oh well. She worked her ass off, and I wasn't going to disturb her sleep for the sake of my own comfort. Often when we were going out or coming home, I would pull her onto my lap and put her shoes on or take them off for her, giving the top of each feet a quick kiss as I did so, simply because I damn well felt like showing a little affection, and to assure her that I found her, all of her, beautiful.

To me the idea that you would give your life for someone, or take another's to defend them, but lack the willingness or consideration to attend to the small things is just asinine.

That having been said, the above is not at all what I intended when I mentioned those who, "would grovel at her feet and depend on her to make all decisions". That sort is a whole other tirade, and you should be warned now, if you haven't already learned, that they are also often the sort that turn into the third example the moment their object of affection is denied them.

wozzeck you are a sweetie pie.

I have done some of these things, suffering "discomfort" in order to make your lover's life better. It is a great thing to share.

Zapatos is relatin a story where he was pegged because a lady wanted to try it and he thought it would please her.

Belgand is telling everyone that I got rocked in the can by some chick with a strap-on.

Is he wrong?

Belgand is not wrong.

BELGAND IS DEVO!

Even though it hasn't happened, Belgand isn't wrong.

It hasn't happened... yet.

daaammnn, wozzeck you are like some old school Cornelius-style gentleman! glass of water fine but if a dude took my shoes off for me and kissed my feet i think i'd be like dang man shucks you don't gotta do all that now i gotta give you extra oral or buy you a watch or something. i'm pretty sure i'd be pleased if it happened though.

i had a roommate who would insist on taking my shoes off for me and rubbing my feet. she would text me while i was in class to ask when i'd be home, then have a fully cooked meal waiting for me, timed so it wouldn't get cold. we were good friends for a couple years before she admitted she had a crush on me. i'm pretty sure lots of women turn gay cuz girls are just more thoughtful usually.

I am not so obsessed with receiving oral as the typical male. I prefer to do most of the work during Relations Time, and no matter how good the oral, it makes me feel like I'm spending the party leaning against a wall in the kitchen. Like I am treating sex as a boring party.

Now a girl who will walk on and/or rub my back at the drop of a hat is another matter. My spinal cord has met Misfortune more than once and this has given me a great appreciation of such displays of affection.

I would have suggested that you gay marry your roommate. To spare yourself family shaming you could have told your parents you were just co-concubines. I guess if you don't want to have sex with another lady, though, the relationship would have been rather more farcical than usual.

Oral is nice, but it's like an appetizer, not a whole meal. I mean, yeah, sometimes a snack is nice or maybe you just sit around and eat nothing but nachos all day, but you feel a bit empty like you missed eating a proper meal.

Thank you for sharing my opinion on blowjobs.

I bet this is a phrase you never thought you'd say.

How many things that you say in the average day have you predicted beforehand?

Three.

Extra oral would be great. I'll take two.

Let's see how many I can fit into my mouth at once.

I believe our disconnect lies in that I was taking "worship" far more figuratively than you were.

Note: I censored this image to prevent it's deletion by photobucket, a sad thing of its own.

Never censor Raven Riley


Never

I don't know who that is, but I'm pretty sure this isn't her.

Unless she's a stripper in South Carolina?

It is without question Ms. Riley. I should know.

hours and hours of tearing my dick off.

Look, don't think I came happened across this magnificent display of human failings without looking at the rest of her pictures. This is not the porn star you are obsessed with. A lot of women have olive skin and dark hair. Those are brought about by dominant genes, you see. It's science.

This is quite simply the genuine article: A young mother expressing her grief at the loss of her first born by displaying the goods to all and sundry (whilst being fabulous).

I'm afraid we'll have to end this in disagreement. Which is OK.

No, it isn't.

Alright. You're wrong.

And thus, I win.

The End.

See?

No, no I do not.

I've reviewed the evidence, and you are correct.

Thank you.

I felt it was my solemn duty to watch one month of RR stripping and/or smoking pole, so that the world can rest easily knowing this dispute is well and truly settled.

That was very brave of you.

Who is this Raven Riley and why have I not jerked off over her? I thought I knew everyone in the business but clearly I have some more learning to do.