Shampoo

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looks like beef has overcome his fear of picking up female products at the store

gross euphemism man. REALLY gross euphemism.

God, I agree with you there.

Few things are more disgusting than that little analogy that pebo made. *shudders*

i apologize for shattering your delicate sensibilities

If I had any left, I'd chubby you for capturing Ray's voice.

WE DOIN' THIS!

Who stepped on a burrito in here?

Are you serious? You're the guy with the Todd avatar...The same Todd who said, "Bitches gotta take their cunt pills! I ain't wearin' no gunny sack!"

And this is a guy with a Todd avatar, so we know he has wicked sack

i'm over it.....

At least with Molly around now he's able to get past the parking lot.

learn to English speak, Jesus.

Technically, what he said was correct English: Whenever you find yourself in one of those situations, then Jesus asks himself what he would do in that situation. You know, hypothetically.

Okay, I see what you mean. Kind of like Jesus is preparing himself for when he would be in the situation I'm in. I guess I was too quick to correct the son of God. My bad.

American English, British English, or Hey-Look-at-me-I'm-an-asshole-but-it's-ok-cause-I-don't-care-what-you-think English?

Spoken-since-the-fourteenth-century English.

for real fun, google "if english was good enough for jesus".

Yeah Jesus I mean what the hell.

That's not so bad, especially when you add the qualifier "kind of." Admit to liking a terrible pop song, and then the lames will rain gloriously down upon you.

Tubthumping by Chumbawamba makes Beethoven's Ode to Joy look like two shits in a biscuit.

You just fucked up the next three hours of my day, and the 99 cents it will cost me on iTunes to get that wonderfully poppy garbage out of my head.

I hear Ace of Base is doing a reunion tour.

... Damn you.
Ace of Base was something I introduced my first girlfriend to... then she dumped me and I was still stuck living with her for the next month... and she played that the whole time.

Ace of Base now reminds me of all sorts of terrible and forgotten aspects of my past that I'd rather not be reminded of.

Damn. You.

I sing that damned crap whenever I'm playing Guild Wars and running through the Southern Shiverpeaks... and come across a mob of those bloody giants and their stomping tendencies.

It all becomes so damned literal. All knockdown and get back up again and whatnot.
Then I get bored, activate some anti-knockdown stance or whatnot... and wail on their overbloated corpses with my blades.

What's clever about taking a popular euphemism for female genitalia and a popular euphemism for feminine hygiene products and putting them together?

okay, I had never heard that euphemism before, so I chuckled at it.

I live a sheltered life.

This is...kind of true, actually.

Chubbied for actually grossing out Achewood fans.

That gives a whole new meaning to "SaniTaco."

shit son! 9 lames outrank 34 chub chubs? Cant they just subtract 9 chubs or something? terrible

haha i wish i could both lame you (because i find that offensive as i am a lady) and chubby you (because taco diapers is a phrase i WILL be using)

I WANT TO CHUBBY THIS ALL DAY.

69 chubbies guys... 69! Immaturity! Internet! Happy! School! Sadness! Big brother always punching me! Suicide! Wait... what the hell happened? Where am I?

looks like beef has overcome his fear of going to the store in general:
http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02022007

See below, from "rogergs." We all know. But it's made for good conversation.

Towl? Look at your keyboard. On the left there's a button called 'Caps Lock'. Press it once, then tear it off.

And then pee in the keyboard.
That should shut it up.

He was lured into this most likely by the assumption that shampoo has no gender bias. When confronted with shampoo options you're really confronted with the question: Do I really know my lady?

Once again, women and their stuff confound Beef.

same situation for a dude:
Did the commercial for this shampoo tell me i would get laid by using it? y/n
y. Buy it.

Oooh, I just know that Beef will choose the wrong shampoo and Molly will throw MAD cusses.

Maybe even go into a mania!

That is some serious fury directed at shampoo

Polenta and Fresh Confetti? Largely nonsense.

It is nonsense when thought about as separate ingredients. However, when mixed in the proper proportions, [url=
http://www.limun.hr/UserDocsImages/malvazija_poletti.jpg]Poletti [/url] can be an experience unlike any previous shampooing you have had.

beaten down, like a dog.
http://www.limun.hr/UserDocsImages/malvazija_poletti.jpg

humiliations galore.

And yet you kept trying. Mad chubbies for effort!

I thought you screwed up the second one on purpose, as a special insult to AssetBar.

That's enough out of you.

seriously, inhabiting your name or avatar is completely retarded and unfunny.

I see what you did there.

Excuse me. I f-f-f-frickin see what you did there, jerkwad.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!!!

*rains on a glass roof*

*knocks you out of the air, depriving you of coin*

*burns, screaming*

*Philippes*

I will sass you. I'm going to get it wrong on purpose from now on. No doubt a lameass will crap out multiple lames on my anonymized internet persona for every infraction (not that I'd name names), but will sass you nonetheless. I'll start now:

You make us use BBCode because writing a dog's code is above your grade level.

Your avatar is the knife they used to cut off the balls you'd need to create a friendlier GUI.

We have to go to [url=http://www.ohnorobot.com/index.pl?comic=636&s=parks like a bitch&search=Find]OhNoRobot [/url] to find the strips we want to link to because you have no search function.

Other messageboards see your rabid users and think, "Man, I could never inspire rabid users like that messageboard." Then they read these complaints about your interface and say, "Huh, guess that was no messageboard at all, just a BBCode storefront."

Your methods for sorting the comments in our Inbox and Sent folders are so inadequately explained.

Is ugliest code, written in MS Word 3.0.

lateadopter, I would like to add the following rebuttal to your REDICULOUS claim. Stating that I gave you "multiple lames" for your failure to properly BBCode is an OUTRAGEOUS lie. Pretending that I did so is just a waste of EVERYONE'S time. If I did lame you, it was probably because I did not enjoy the content of your message.

I'm not going to lame you yet, but I would be completely within my rights to do so.

[this post edited by nbgreene 5:13PM]
[this post edited by nbgreene 5:14PM]
[this post edited by nbgreene 5:14PM]
[this post edited by nbgreene 5:18PM]

Check it.

Aw, goddamnit, I accidentally lamed you. I fie on you, over-sensitive mouse wheel!

I like how both of your posts are sarcastic. It is ballsy to respond in such a manner. As the kids say, "props."

this vernacular, it eludes even those that are of the generation.

He cold named names.

I can't believe shampoos these days.

The confetti is for luster and sheen. The polenta is simply delicious.

Notice of course that last time... it terrified beef...
But now it enrages him.

Times have changed.

This is why I hardly ever go shopping for potentially ridiculous things. My blood pressure is already way high.

dammit, I needed someone to fetch me one of those combination hairdryer/stocktickers from Brookstone. I just can't seem to muster the energy to talk to those salesmen doggie.

**You're**

He meant before "17" I assume. I think you're looking at the one before "blood pressure."

Everybody wins.

EVERYONE LOSES.

LET'S EAT FAT

Stones fall. Everybody dies.

Crashes! Wrecks! A child's pink converse on the road!

Is there a foot inside?

They have a shampoo for that.

I think Beef in the last panel might need a Knowing Smile area wipe.

It's my way of saying that he looks really upset and that I think he could use the comfort and warmth of a Knowing Smile (tm).

comfort, warmth AND moistness

Oh no! Not that!

Valu-Shampoo - now with 25% more shampoo!

You think virgin hare is really made out of real virgins? I bet they cheat and use non-virgin hares sometimes.

'Virgin Hare' sounds like a lovely hair-nourishing ingredient, but unfortunately it's chemically recovered meat and offal, rather than the finer cuts, that go into the shampoo.

And here I thought they were just evoking the romantic innnocence of the yet-to-be violated lady bunny.

Either that or it's VIRGIN HARE droppings IN SUMMER GRASS. Chewed Twice to Shampoo You Better.

CRUELTY-FREE, MY ASS!

Hey! At least the lagomorph in question was not raped before being made into shampoo.

Which is exactly like chewing cud, as per Leviticus 11:6

But they have not the cloven hoof, therefore they are UNCLEAN.

Hares don't have any kind of hoof.

The production of "virgin" hare actually refers to how the hare was pressed. Virgin hare should have a somewhat lighter taste than Extra-virgin hare, but still maintains good body and acidity.

A hare press looks kinda like a bigger garlic press.

apparently brookingham is where the romanticker times are at

I am currently wearing the shirt that your avatar is of and I can't just notice that and then not point it out. Hugs!

damn that was my first thought when I saw this comment.
chubby for beating me to it

You read that comment and it made you think of that comment?

Well, yeah.

They must also have 'Shampoo Exquisite en Male unbeknownst of beau's choice'. Quite the rage.

On the other hand kudos to roast beef to care enough to have stepped in the right aisle at least. I think he himself must be using car wash from the garage he stays in. Poor soul.

It's the POOLHOUSE, not the garage.

What a coincidence, I just got back from buying coconut-scented shampoo and green apple-scented conditioner.

For myself. I'm a guy.

What can I say, I enjoy smelling like a fruit cocktail after I get out of the shower.

Nothing wrong with wanting to smell good.

I'm sorry man, I accidentally lamed you. I... I don't know what to say.

Do you have little umbrellas in your hair?

Dude, just call her back. Dude.

Calling her back would be too logical a thing to do in an achewood moment. I think the strip would fall flat the moment beef thinks of calling her back. It just wont do. Sacrilege!

Well, yeah, I realise the lack of comedic value in:
Panel 1: "Sure I'll pick up some shampoo what kind do-"
Panel 2: "Dang the signal cut out"
Panel 3: "That's ok I'll just wait and move around a bit until the signal's back"
Panel 4: *RB moves around a bit and waits*
Panel 5: "Oh cool there we go"
Panel 6: "Hey babe what were you saying
"Phrygian storm for shampoo and Locrian mist for conditioner
Well ok here we go"
Panel 7: *RB buys them without incident, the cashier doesn't do anything of merit*

That's not something I'd read. Hell, it was boring just writing it. And it's disturbing how many other webcomics are not far off this storyline. Go on, you know the ones.

You just used musical mode names for Shampoo and Conditioner brands. Good doctor, I chubby thee.

Liiike...'Questionable Content'? But the last panel would be:
Douche 1: I wonder what kind of shampoo that new stoner-rock indie-band 'Man Man' uses?
Douche 2: Probably...HERBAL essences! Heyoh!

Seriously, fuck Questionable Content.

ha! While reading this thread, Questionable Content was the first strip that came to mind that actually would do a mini-arc about shopping for shampoo without incident.

There is probably a web cartoon called "Shopping for Shampoo Without Incident".

In the Questionable Content (aka: Dawson's Geek) Shampoo arc several middle-class youngster ladies have soliloquys about their low-self esteem and the unfairness of life. One is sarcastic and it is hilarious. Then little robots turn up who are just wacky as the dickens.

At some point Spencer Krug is referenced.

Hell, QC just ran a comic about treadmilling without incident: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=999

If treadmills are presented without the "treadmill flinging character backwards" gag, they are necessarily not funny.

I'd like to thank everyone for turning me on to this horrible web comic Questionable Content. Does anyone else enjoy wasting huge amounts of time on bad comics?

Oh! Me, man! ME.

That may have been the least questionable content I've seen in a comic, except for the part where I asked myself why I actually read it.

I once tried getting into QC. Then one day I realised that I hadn't looked at it for a month and hadn't actually noticed.

These activities are poorly conveyed.

Your avatar is perfect for this.
Ray should call these guys. "Hey Marten?" ...SSSIP... "Up yours, Marten."

oh necessarily

It's not so much that the activities are poorly conveyed as that there are no activities to convey.

Oh man, that is probably the greatest representation of Questionable Content ever. I have a friend who follows that strip like I follow Achewood. I feel really bad for him.

Also: Man Man rules.

Yes indeed, Man Man rules. I guess it's not really stoner rock per se, but it's rock played by stoners, and so the hi-larious pun works. Also, they played the 'Weeds' theme song a couple of weeks ago (and I think all the other songs in that episode was from their 'Six Demong Bag' album).

seriously

Oh yes, I kid you not.
I think it was episode 8 or 9, season 3. It started out with a funeral, I think, and ended with the protagonist getting her boob trapped in a mammography-machine, while "Engrish Bwudd" played in the background.

Haha, oh man, five years of reading Achewood and a few months of trolling Assetbar and what finally gets me to register for any kind of discussion is a thread bashing Questionable Content. People consistantly seem to love that comic and all I ever think when I see it is "it is like someone is doing mediocre illustrations of uneventful livejournal posts."

Funny thing here is that I inadvertently started this whole thing off, when Questionable Content (which, ironically, has very little content that could be described as "questionable," a fact not lost on the author) is the webcomic that got me into webcomics in the first place. And I still read it, even though it hasn't made me laugh in a while, has always had consistent indie rock references that I don't get or care about, and I haven't bought a shirt there either (unlike, say, Dr. McNinja). I do like the artwork, though.

Yes, I am prepared to suffer the mob wrath of Acheworld. But know in your hearts, that there are more like me. Know, and fear...

Fear not Skradley, for I am amoungst them. QC is like some very, very mild form of smack. It only steals a minute of my day, yet I go back to keep up. I suspect it's the innocence of it all, in the face of a indy-rock culture of irony. It's like listening to a visual/text version of commercial radio once in a while.

That's Doctor Skradley to you.

Yeah, that was pretty lame now that I think about it.

Meanwhile, "very, very mild form of smack" is an excellent description.

It was the comic that got me into webcomics as well, and there's still a part of me that holds a fondness for it. There's also a part of me that thinks that other part is a total pussy. I suppose that's the part that likes achewood.

As long as we are all confessing (and this is extra hard for me, seeing as I was the one who brought QC up in the first place), I started reading Questionable Content at about the same time I got into Dinosaur Comics, Dr. McNinja and Achewood. I stopped after I realized nothing was ever going to happen, but the strip has a clever way of fooling you into thinking that some drama and/or conflict (or even a joke!) is right around the corner. Just...one...more...strip...
And for an even more shameful confession, I actually like a lot of the bands referenced in the comic. If I could 'lame' myself, I would...

I still occaisonally catch up on QC. Please lame me.

Wow. I lamed you. Your plea was like someone begging for euthanasia. Considering my above comments this is hell of ironies.

4, 5...YES. Only one more confession to go, then there will be 6 of us and we can all go dance in the school library to Karla DeVito's "We Are Not Alone".
The halftime entertainment will be kissing Molly Ringwald on the titties.

Oh hell, I confess; I read it, and enjoy it in a mild sort of way. Other confessions: sometimes I like frozen pizza, and I enjoy jelly on my omelettes.

Honestly, I don't care what comics other people want to read, and I'm a bit regretful that my first post here has me coming off like an elitist jerkbag. But the thing is, this is the first time anywhere on the Internet I've seen more than one person in the same place with a dislike for QC. It is immensely popular, and whatever appeal it has is completely lost on me, much like women's shampoo to Roast Beef.

Also: There's no reason to suspect that Beef didn't call Molly right after he saw the Brookingham bath products. He probably assumed, when the phone cut out, that picking up shampoo would be an easy task with no need to call her back.

More also: Holy hell did I have to wait a long time before I could post this reply. Presumably this passes after I'm not a brand new member... I understand it's for anti-spam and all, but I didn't even need to confirm an email or even enter a captcha I mean come on!

Man Man are Viking-vaudeville punk-wop rock-and-soul, idiot.

Hey, odei! Good to get a clarification on that, despite the comment! Though I did correct myself a couple of comments up. I'd throw 'cabaret' & 'jazz' somewhere into that definition, too.

The 'idiot' comment was a bit of a joke, seeing as how silly and specific their genere is according to wikipedia.

what the hell is punk-wop? post world war two racist punk music?

punk doo wop would be my guess. punk wop fits their sound pretty well, i must say.

man man is excellent.

New news! I checked back on Questionable Content after 4 months and not a damned thing has happened! Huh!

As the away team's communications and transporter signals must be obscured by an "ionized atmospheric layer" in any given Star Trek -- so must Beef lose his signal.

What's not mentioned is that the Stolen Moment results in an illegitimate child, and though the marriage sanctifies you in the name of god, the squire's low standing causes you to be ostracised from the polite society of Brookingham. The wedding is the last time your parents ever acknowledge you are their daughter.

It's the polar opposite of 'no tears' shampoo.

But at least with Stolen Moment sex is involved somewhere wheras No Tears usually just involves the sometime unplanned results of sex.

So, can you use Hyacinth and Aegean Rain shampoo with Wedding at Brookingham Castle conditioner? These things are important to consider.

Better pick up a Titty-Buxx while he's there.

Followed by A Joyless Marriage colour treatment and topped off with Acrimonious Divorce styling mousse.

Rinse and repeat until spirit crushed and hair shiny.

The real tragedy is that the Squire of Brookingham will never marry you. He is lusty like that.

this perfectly complements the earlier comic about female products. the theme of today: abject rage

Roast Beef's face, panel 6.

I love the constant asymmetry of Beef's eyebrows when portraying any emotion beyond despair.

okay so I was at a walgreens this one time and they were selling -- no joke -- a conditioner whose special ingredient was "placenta". I thought "that's odd maybe that word means something other than what I thought it meant" so I checked the ingredients and no, the word means exactly what I thought it meant. Apparently from some animal, I think it was a pig. All I could think was "people put that on their heads?"

Wait a minute, I'm suspicious -- lamb placenta was part of Martin Sheen's "special diet" when he and Jane Curtain did the "Martin Sheen" brand hair conditioner skit on SNL back in 1979 -- the one where he spits in her hair. Oh, doggie am I carbon-dating myself or what; I am like the most elderly of Achewood fans.

You are one year older than I am.

I remeber that skit well:

Martin Sheen Hairspray. Available wherever Martin is.

And you one year older than me. I too remember the skit on SNL- classic. Hey, think we should start an over 40 Achewood fan club?

Well, we could. There would be a buncha old farts in it though.

Heck, even at 35 I feel old around here sometimes. Maybe I could be a Pink Hatter in your Red Hat Club?

Red hat means old farts? So, the Red Hat Ladies at church are the old ladies? I mean, I dunno, I never went to a Red Hat Ladies meeting.

It's a thing of sociable ladies over 50, from a poem about wearing purple dresses and red hats cos they no longer give a care.

Ah, that would explain all the purple t-shirts I saw a few years back saying, "When I am old I will wear purple."

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves...

[Ohhh shiiiiiit]

*kshh* Clean-up on aisle 7. *kshh*

I hear good things about those Brookingham Squires. Marry on the first date they do.

Women's shampoo is usually made with all the forethought of a vinyard of fine wines, whereas dudes' shampoos could probably also be used for cleaning a french horn or something.

Can be and-- from my knowledge of high school band kids-- probably has been.

(please don't lame me band kids I always wanted to be on drum line or play the cello but I did choir instead)

they should make a dude shampoo called "Shampoo: it is good for your hair.

All white bottle with plain black lettering, nothing else but a barcode.

It'd be the shampoo equivalent of generic canned food.

I'd buy some.

Add "Does not smell like fruit" in a smaller font and I think you've got a winner

ACME SHAMPOO

NOW WITH 40% MORE BRAN

Cuz hair has to poop too.

I think.

regular hair is good hair

I have a shampoo minder add-on in Firefox (TM, RBK, v0.9b), but being a dude, I did not go for the optional conditioner minder.

not strip-related, but can I please have a little Ray face in my bookmarks toolbar in firefox rather than the little blank page.

no, YOU shut up!

yeah WTF!

rays face shows up in the address bar but not on the bookmark

I had this problem, but I did nothing about it. Now, only because a stranger on the internet asked for it, I went to the Customize Firefox page and found an extension that fixed it. Go there and search for "Fit Bookmark Icon." Or, trust a stranger on the internet and click here.

I installed it, restarted Firefox, clicked on my Achewood bookmark, and it worked. The instructions said it should not work that way, but it did.

I am out of chubbies but thank you! I just clicked a link and now Ray's face is in my bookmarks. Sweet.

Greasemonkey might work, too. It does a lot more, and you can write your own scripts.

Dude, I just checked, and they have a bunch of Greasemonkey scripts just for Achewood at userscripts.org.

Jesus Christ.

Son, we are very disappointed in you.

Yeah like this <i>wouldn't</i> bother Beef.

Yeah like this wouldn't bother Beef.

ah, my BBcode faux pas.

Lamed up the wazoo... just as I thought.

There can be no other way. I'm sorry.

Is there nobody else willing to admit the less-than-impeccable taste they might have had in the mid-90's? Fine then, I walk this solemn path alone.

I am willing to admit to being a Backyard Wrestler around '99-'01, and still having the tapes and some blood stained clothes, but I deny any affiliation to either gender-swapping anime or BritPop.

Ahh, Backyard Wrestling... the Lesser Outdoor Fight.

That's actually kind of awesome. Compared to my having been a Shampoo-listening Ranma-watcher, at least.

Mid-90's. Hmm. Well, my hair looked something like this:[IMGS OFF] and I ranked the Red Hot Chili Peppers as very near the pinnacle of rad. So, yeah - we all have our baggage.

I may or may not have simultaneously owned CDs by R. Kelly and Smashmouth.

Every group of friends knew a guy who had a goatee, wore a hat, and listened to ska.

I was that guy. Sometimes, I still am.

BBCode has no tags for SHAME.

I had a mullet.

This thread is just gonna fill up with confessions over time.

I kissed a girl.

Make female. Subtract glasses, mustache, and (in my defense) some weight.

I repent, but I still own a fedora. God help me.

[IMGS OFF]
Whut the hall?!

oh man. he is so hella pissed, dawg.

Oh wow, a sequel to my favorite strip ever.

I feel like washing my hair with fresh confetti.

Women's Hair Care: Aisles 7,8,9
Men's Hair Care: Aisle 2 endcap, shared with the tortilla chips and mini-bike magazines

Beef is incensed.

Y'all not ya'll. The apostrophe must be properly placed in order to imply the correct southern drawl. . . or some such nonsense as that.

I thought you were getting all gramatical, pointing out that it should go where the extra letters are taken out (in this case, where "ou" in "you" is missing.)

Instead you are pointing out the correct way to speak with an accent. Upgrade?

It is true that it should go where the extra letters are taken out. I was mainly just being ridiculous because that is how I am. Let me stop now while I still have. . . nothing.

Shit yes this is perfect baby.

In Panel 7:
Replace samson with roastbeef, pillars with shampoo, and Philistines with general women ideology.

What put him over the edge was the descriptive copy on the bottle of Shampoo of Solomon: "Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead SoS 4:1-3, KJV

So uh Molly that kiwi and plantains reformation shampoo was upwards of seven dollars so I just had the guy who cleans the produce aisle wring out his mop into a bottle of Johnson's & Johnson's here you go.

Beef is on a budget and depressed, but I do not think he is a dick

In my experience, most guys really wish girls were more gay.

As a male with long hair, i can honestly say that this is all true. This one gets a five for being true.

So, we have a strip that is a vehicle for funny shampoo names. Now, sure, it's genius, as these are the sort of shampoos that only Roast Beef would come across, but what are we to think of the fact that these shampoos have been firmly contextualized in a Dallas/Knot's Landing oeuvre?

Any shampoo/conditioner set that's named after a costume gothic is bound to make a lady feel sexy. It's just science.

I do not know of a store with a women's hair care section. This would imply that there is a men's hair care section, rather than men's hair care being a marginalised fraction of the generic hair care section as it is in real life.

Then you have not been to many stores. There is often a women's hair care section and then men's struff is all together- hair care, aftershave, deoderant, etc.

I really like the word "struff"

Pharmacy Stores have a separate aisles for each of:

- Women's hair care
- Women's hair colouring
- "Feminine hygeine"
- Women's bath & shower products
- Women's makeup (often this is 3-5 seperate aisles, by type or brand)
- Women's skin-care
- Women's deordorants and antiperspirants
- Women's perfumes
- Women's intimate hair removal products
- Women's not-intimate-but-undesired hair removal products
- Women's miscellaneous products, featuring: hair clips, hair curlers, hair straighteners, eyelash curlers, nail files, makeup remover, nail polish remover, anything branded with "Hello Kitty", various sizes of cotton balls (including those little tiny ones that they put between their toes for some reason), glittery photo frames (for some reason) and a large number of items that I cannot identify.

Then there's this really short aisle, called "Men's toiletries".

It takes a lot of effort to look this good!

Or, that's what I hear. In aisles 9-27.

Someday I'm going to invent a line of male shampoos with analogous names designed to appeal to the modern man:

Pizza.
Wings.
Halo.
Hockey.
Fuckin'.
Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Tennessee Shampoo.

New No More Hair-Dirt ULTRA(tm) cleaning gel. Special introductory packs include anti-ooze gun applicator.

If Kate Winslet is plugging it, then it must be good.

Chubbied, though I would add:

Beer.
Football.
La-Z-Boy.
Tits.
Hand Down the Front of Your Shorts While the Game Is On.
Greasy Snack Foods With Unknown Ingredients That Leave Orange Residue on Your Fingers.

The last two should be hand sanitizers, but they'd be self-defeating, and that's not a guy kind of product, anyway.

I would very much like for my hair to smell like tits.

forget the rest and just do fuckin'

Do you find that Fuckin' requires too much effort? Remember that Tits can be enjoyed with La-Z-Boy and Beer, or even with Hand Down the Front of Your Shorts While the Game Is On. Buy the whole set today!

And for the consumer who seeks the experience of Fuckin' with the convenience of Tits, we also offer Blowjob. Blowjob is available in Multi-Packs with Pizza and Halo to maintain optimal enjoyment and hand-eye-mouth coordination.

DISCLAIMER: Some customers will find it difficult to use Blowjob together with Hand Down the Front of Your Shorts While the Game Is On.

"Virgin Hare in Summer Grass"? Is that supposed to be a shampoo or a Frank Zappa song?

Neon Meat Dream of an Octafish: Finally, a Shampoo that's Fast and Bulbous!

like a squid eating dough in a polyethelene bag, or however it goes

Does it come with a trout mask replica?

Indeed, and new Shiny Beast for Men comes with optional Bat Chain Puller.

A day after reading this post I bought Green Tea and Lime conditioner, half because of how good it smelled and half because of Roast Beef. I hope you're happy, Onstad.

I dunno where to comment on the blog, but can you really make a toilet flush by filling it? Because if so, I have my weekend planned out...

It's the only way to flush if your water service is out.

RE: child update:
Ew.

See what I mean about the shampoo?

Beef is just out of his depth here, he is not used to shampoos that aren't simply to get rid of lice. He is from Circumstances.

Circumstances shampoo = Bar of Soap Nicked From Public Restroom

You get the feeling that this particular tribulation is one Roast Beef has to deal with on an all too regular basis.

Virgin Hares are hard to come by theses days

nooooOOOOO!!!

Shampoo for my Real Friends!
Real Poo for my Sham Friends!

with apologies to Tom Waits.

The first time I had to pick up a female product, the cashier assumed it belonged to the woman standing in line behind me. She stopped the belt feed one item short, for a brief moment forcing my brain into the awkward place of realizing that perhaps I have been whipped.

Then my tongue spoke of its own accord "I need those, for the bleeding in my crotch".

I love Beef's escalating rage here as he is surrounded by nonsensical shampoos that awake his logic-based fury. It's almost as good as his wrath at the cost of weddings.

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