ewwwwwwwww
why would you make me notice that

"The hell you pick up my garbage! And don't make no fuss about it!"

This strip made me realize that I don't know what my garbageman looks like.
I'll bet he's hairy.

I sure would like to never experience this.

I sure would like to never experience this.

I sure would like to never double post again.

Mother farking iPhone.

That spinach is a lot... "leafier" than I'm used to seeing.

who smokes leaves? That's too harsh for words. I do not endorse the smoking of leaves.

The incinerating of plants for recreational purposes is ridiculous.

No, just the leaves bit, you should only burn the flowers.

Happy 4/20, Assetbar, I guess.

the dude straight up drinks 100 proof like a glass of OJ

It burns, enough to give his chest hairs a perm.

[youtube]GBtYiLFH85A[/youtube]

Wow. Ray's excuses are hell of better than mine. I usually just say "'Cause I was tired."

Great job, Gladdi!

[quote=gladi8orrex]ps. it is all bullshit.[/quote]

This phrase says it all.

Man, I even looked up somewhere on how to bbcode quotes.

Assetbar made me it's bitch once again.

i think you need to put the name in
[quote="doublequotes"]double quotes[/quote]

What does this have to do with eating shit.

Aaaand now you killed it.

I would like to congratulate you on the manner in which you have conveyed this message to us. Today you are a man.

[quote=gladi8orrex]ps. it is all bullshit.[/quote]

ps. it is all bullshit.

[quote="maximus"][quote="gladi8orrex"]ps. it is all bullshit.[/quote][/quote]

ps. it is all bullshit.

Quote:[/quote][/quote]

ps. it is all bullshit.

Seriously, this is Bullshit

Don't have to go flippin yo wighat in triplicate over a quote, dude.

Holy cow... I've been reading Glad's insane hip-hop L337 screeds for so long my brain is automatically translating them into ENGLISH.

Everyone remember to do lots of "dry-steamin" to-morrow!

Yeah, but celebrating Columbine is?

Naw man, we are celebrating the day Jesus invented Marajuana. Or something.

A stoner has misspelled marijuana and cannabis while bitching about the government encroaching on his freedom. Now 4/20 can begin.

It happens all over again !

Wingspan - can we go yet?

The cartoonist has celebrated them and Murrah ironically with a hot, steaming horse-hockey of a strip signifying nothing.

It is the highest form of art and philosophy.

man who lamed this? (i will not check)

one of my friends died there that day.

fuck you.

Before someone says something implying that the captain here is lying or kidding or something, I should point out that he does, in fact, live in Colorado.
I'm sorry to hear it, man. I hope I wasn't trivializing it or anything.

Should it matter?

I just had someone who I considered a friend die recently, although we were not that close it still hurt that she died.

Assetbar is telling me to do something nice for a change. My nice thing will be advice: do the world a favor and die, AIU. wim9k. Whatever the fuck you call yourself.

excuse me for wanting to explore the meaning of human relationships! sheesh!

To paraphrase the wise words of Morgan Freeman in that bastion of Western Cinema, Wanted: [IGNORE] THAT MOTHER FUCKER!

I should have lamed him before I ignored him, but now it is too late.

You are making the assumption that they were not close-enough friends for him to feel sad. If you are right, no harm done. Nothing gained either. If you are wrong, that is a lot of harm done. Especially the whole part about shooting him in the knee caps, dick.

it's interesting how some people would rather ignore someone than try to understand that person's frame of reference, carry on a conversation, or whatever, and/or who ignore someone because they are interested in disallowing others the option to take in / engage in a conversation with someone.

yeah but teenagers have farrrr more meaningful relationships with each other than you will ever have in your life which is to say even sniffing dog butts is better than getting a call from you

'k sorry if that offended anyone.

aiu, i ain't gotta explain myself to you.

my avatar will meet yours down a hall but he will not Take you like my friend was Taken from me.

Arsehole.

Quote:
Yeah, real stable guy here.

And I don't want to speak for captain here, but I doubt they were too close friends, as cpn was probably 10 at the time. This does not mean he can't be offended, or that he wasn't sad. I don't know, I don't know him or anything. But saying that you think columbine was funny and then saying you are going to simulate that person's death and make him suffer a lot is just plain trolling. We don't need you here.

It's AIU and you fed him. Good job.

And cpn would have been older than 10, I think.

He is 21. So he was 11.

you heartless bastard! 10 yr olds can have close friends!

There is a time and place for everything, and you chose incorrectly in this case.

Who are you responding to?
Also, does assetbarrista work with chrome?

I was responding to wim9k.
As far as I know, Assetbarrista only works with Mozilla, since it's a Greasemonkey script.

according to your mom, who i boned

Dead children, funny thing or funniest thing?

Not a good asset.

It's a celebration of the day China removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses.

Ray has an awful bed, to go with his other awful habits.

That is one barely furnished bedroom Ray has got himself. It kind of makes me think he might be sleeping in a cardboard box like cats have to when they're being sick or they're too small to be allowed on the rug

He has removed the sour cream lid since the incident.

agreed. step it up dude, ladies like at least queen size beds

true dat. that could be his 'alone' bedroom but the argument could be made that that's not true, vis a vis the comic on March 31, '08.

There ain't a lot to be proud of in my life, but I can say this: I don't know what the garbagemen look like.

I know what the garbagemen look like (dead sexy) because I go to bed after daybreak.

And that is what garbagemen look like.
Thrash men look like this...
[IMGS OFF]
Bubba-bubba-ooh-ma-mau-mau-bubba-ooh-mau-ma-mau
Bubba-bubba-ooh-ma-mau-mau-bubba-ooh-mau-ma-mau

Oh dear, thrashmen?.

Thrashmen look like this.

Didn't KaMeT have that, animated, as her icon for a while?

nothing says dead sexy like being covered in a thin layer of refuse, the reward of being up at an hour best spent in repose.

99 girls turning you down, but the 100th one...she likes to fuck on a pile of trash.

Hey, Pretty Pretty!

My Dad's rooster is named "Asshole."

Because it is a fucking asshole.

The name hasn't caught on with anyone else.

Girl, you know it's true. I'll lick my dick for you.

dude, it was funnier when iwannacum did it. Give it a rest.

Actually, no it wasn't. Neither time was it funny.

But at least it was original then.

Correct. I wanna...say that you are correct.

Ray is a man of ruinous habits!

Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch cartoon cat to survive.
Sometimes being a bitch having a ruinous lifestyle is all a woman fictional cat has to hold onto.

Ray sure has a point here. I mean, if he can't help but wreck his body when he's up, beind asleep or in bed is his best recovery time. Not only that, but the whole self-righteous morning people piss me off - I'll get up when I damn well please, and go to sleep when I want because man's not restricted by daylight hours or even the need to work physically together in the same place any more. Except for vegans and the garbagemen...

The great thing about being a garbageman is that you only have to work one day a week. Those guys!
I would like to take this moment to say how much I like the word 'garbage'. Its etymological origins are obscure, for which I like it even more.

It is almost 8AM. I will go to bed soon and sleep till 6PM.

It is a horrible feeling, really.

Is this because of your job, or because you have made poor life choices as a student?

The latter.

Possibly both ?

poor awesome life choices

Raymond Smuckles: A man standing up for work-life balance.

I used to keep Ray's hours. Then the summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school ended.

probably the best thing about being unemployed is that i can fall asleep when i'm sleepy and sleep until i wake up. nothing else to bother about.

Man, this ain't some sob story but I haven't been without a job for more than a two week period in sixteen years and almost all of them were morning jobs. It is physically impossible for me to sleep past 10 a.m. and even that's stretch.

OK, I guess it is kind of a sob story. Sorry.

The answer to the Riddle is: Cock.

Correct.

why do people assume that they can act morally superior just because they wake up earlier. Dude on the radio show "the Now show" said exactly this kind of thing last week, maybe this is the worlds way of telling me to have a lie in.

DAMN IT RAY! Stop making excuses for me! I GOT CLASSES TO GET TO!

Only that day dawns for which we are awake.

Preach, man.

Ray's retort in panel eight is absolutely classic stuff. Top-notch, even.

i do not know what it looks like for a horse to go to bathroom from start to finish. does that mean i am not old-fashioned? i need to know, assetbar. i need to know.

I will assume that i should bless my job firewall right here.

Nice Try Scorpio

Why the hell are you at work?

Those lions aren't going to tame themselves.

Well, it was on my schedule since Lorraine called in sick. In fact she has not really called in sick since she is a blasted psycho all the friggin, time. The nerve she has is astonishing, she don't do shit then bitch and moan endlessly. Stupid bitch won't shut her yappers. Seriously, recently she had to nerve to say that I am the Antechrist. Seriously fuck this 230kg gorilla.

but... but how can you predate... ? oh never mind

The "Antechrist" is the most gracious and forgiving ante in all of poker.

I like the idea that a woman may have more than one yapper.

Oh necessarily a bitch from hell will have more than one yapper such as a thing portrayed in Greek mythology.

Also, here in this realm of existence, the "netheryapper."

bless? as in perl? what?

Roosters are cocks all the time.

Especially to strangers.

if anybody wants to find it, there's a perfect meshing of these two things in a wonderful picture somewhere in this assetbar.

i will start the search.

I love how he tries to salvage the spilled drink and also how the cup rolls away from him.

:/

the irateturk
[ul]
[li]has a small head[/li]
[li]never smiles[/li]
[li]thinks impure thoughts[/li]
[li]often engages in provoctive behavior[/li]
[li]Knows he has an unpleasant nature, and dislikes people (this is no obstacle to work).[/li]
[/ul]

[ul] bro

Man, you really fucked that up.

bbcode /= html

bbcode is a standard but it seems to be very incompletely implemented by assetbar
[:-)]

Don't blame assetbar, dude. That was all you.

Are you writing up theirateturks work capacity report... on the internet?

I wonder if Pat had a reason to call, or he if just hadn't been a Dick to Ray in awhile and this was the first opening he had.

Whether you call Pat or Pat calls you, it's still important to say "shup up shut up" when beginnning a phone conversation with him

As someone who works the graveyard shift, I just have one thing to say:

Fuck You, Pat.

you're on the gravy train

I went to sleep pretty much right after posting that. Then I got drunk.

Night auditors uber alles.

A cartoonist works long into the night to perfect his Fuck You Friday strip.

The fans are restless. They check the website and complain that there is no update.

Feeling the pressure, the cartoonist rewrites half the strip to make it worth the wait.

By the time the strip is finished, the passage of time has diluted it into a Screw You Sunday.

That, Philippe, is the saddest a very sad rain on your wedding day.

A free ride when you're already late.

A toilet seat that smokes a cigar.

forever that is what you are

Is that from Star Wars?

It reminds me of Michael Caine for some reason.

But no, it's Dali.

magritte

Looks like one, and it looks like it's signed as it too.

derp derp derp

"Le Viol"

That is straight-up art is what it is. When a dude is lookin' at a lady that is entirely what he sees.

[IMGS OFF]

yeah, that's about right.

Same haircut as the... thing, same sentiment as me.

(taaake onnnn meeeee)

Roto-scoped video was the coolest thing I'd ever seen.

The literal cover version that went around a while back was pretty damn awesome as well. I think it was taken offline though.

Yeah, that was hilarious.

itym a 'no smoking' sign on your cigarette break.

way to pick up on the reference.

The Guitar Hero: He Knows Alanis Morrisette Songs.

But not well enough to not confuse two different lines in the lyrics.

Why is Achewood a weekly now? Anybody know the score?

I think Onstad is too busy making money.

so rich he had to move..?

i just hope he's not flippin' burgers down the way from his new location, dig.

He's Made Too Much Money.

Hagrid bathrobe open, falling into the pool.

Wait... What's a Hagrid bathrobe? Is it like a Snape nightie?

More like a Gimli kimono.

As long as it's as quality as this, I'm fine with weekly.

Me too, to be honest. Ray and Pat interactions are never not funny, and if you disagree go ToFuck yourself.

Guess I better go carve myself a tofildo.

That means "engage in inappropriate acts with tofurkey," right? Resist the temptation! If anyone catches you, you'll never again be invited to vegan Thanksgiving dinner at Grandmother's house.

Well, tofu in general not just Tofurkey. That'd be ToFurk yourself.

And of course, for those of us living in a alternate future Greco-Roman theocracy, ToFrak Yourself.

YES

[IMGS OFF]

You evil sonuvvabitch.

L-Lawbot?

'lol, i kno, rite?!'

I had to stare at this for a full five minutes before deciding whether or not I found it disturbing.

Christ.

waitwaitwait..you never said if it does disturb you or not.

I'm actually still not sure. It doesn't really... until I imagine encountering it. Teeth all looking far too human, me terrified to get too close but desperately needing to know if it can maybe talk... this is my happening, and it freaks me out.

folks try to do it like chris onstad does it, but folks arent chris onstad.

Thank you Ray, for beginning the manifesto of our people.

I ctrl F'd to find this comment, else I would make it.

since when does pat give a fuck about the covenants observed by society?

I gotta say, the feeling I got from full-time classes starting at 12:30 this term, and being close enough to campus that I can wake up at 12:20 and still be on time...

It was almost like love.

I am the kind of person who, given the opportunity, will wake up at 8pm on account of going to bed after eating lunch.

Somehow the image of a horse going to the bathroom from start to finish reminds me of Philip Masterson-Bowie from I am not an Animal.

i wonder what kind of pattern is shaved onto pat's butt

The pattern of a guy's back of his head.

The old folks who live in this neighborhood and run the neighborhood society complained to the city that the garbage trucks were too loud in the morning. now they come at 230pm

now I don't know what the garbage men look like anymore

I seen %u2018em. Big surly dudes with strange gaits and a glazed far away look in their eyes.

Close. I was having trouble getting around the gait. But masterpiece? Sir, you flatter me. Well all right then.

lol i wasn't serious you tit

You'd like me to be a tit, wouldn't you. This is your way of saying you want to grope me. I knew it soon as I saw you. Something in the eyes.

History Comes to Life.

daaaaaaaaaaaamn.

dat is some tite noticing, slodo.

Sometime in between panels six and nine the cat spills his drink. A tragedy in three parts.

Quote:.

i'm no pat, but that's [early] afternoon.

pat gets gay bitch on just like that perez hilton whiner. just bitch bitch bitch. lols.

The trouble is, now Ray so steamed he can't get back to sleep.

and now he has to clean up that liquid he spilled.

One of the funniest Achewoods in a while. It seems Ray is at his quippiest early in the morning.

I'm a morning person. My lover is not. Ray you just saved her hours of rib-poking wake up annoyances.

[IMGS OFF]

A modest bed for a modest man of sorts