One for the Brits.

One for the Brits. 03/17/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Did you guess it? Gordon Brown is the only one not to have been on Top Gear. Yet.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_May
No No No. That is James May. Go download some Top Gear and you will know why he is called Captain Slow.

Pictures available in Wikipedia have to be available for free use. Would you prefer that Onstad had to pay image rights for 7 pictures just to make 1 joke?

Haveing had time to go through a thousand posts, I now realize I should have said I don't know who they are, not we.

Also, I don't know that there are any photos of Keith Moon in a fury about having the lid removed from his head jar. At least not on wiki.

there's no way out of this one, 'Nabit.

Who drew YOUR icon? You? Actually, you might have.

His ladyfriend composed it. This had been examined.

Indeed. It was a hilarious discussion.

We laughed, we reflected on love now gone, we learned. Some were aroused, others just lamed indiscriminantly.

THOSE - WERE - THE - DAAAAAAAAAAYYS!!

One might even say those were the halcyon days of our youth.

Daaamn! That answer could use some work!

Mr. Karl Pilkington - Sanitation

This should get a gabillion chubbies. (Note: I spelled gazillion in a cute way! Ha ha ha!)

Hey, there I am.

Still bewildered as to why Mr. May is addressed as Mrs. Ronay. He still came up with the most terrifying slogan to paint on Hammond's truck. He gets points for cruelty from me for that alone.

Did you ever see when they all tried to operate giant tractors through a parking lot with out hitting any cars? He didn't start driving till twenty minutes into the challenge and still lost.

Yeah, James manages to be the one who has the most common sense and yet is still the least competent of them all.

[img src=http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/5486/ecard106sb.jpg]

oh goddammit bbcode
[IMGS OFF]

You know what I do is I go over the 'learn how to use these' page and copy paste that shit. That way you eliminate the possibility of this happening. Obviously you like to live dangerously though.

Spiny, I believe he is referred to as "Mrs." because he looks like one in this picture. Seriously, if my aunt were a little uglier, they could be goddamned lookalikes.

The joke is that older British men with long hair don't look dissimilar to British ladies of the same age.

I think Onstad did that just for you.

I just think it's a little silly to quibble and call the American style of English, not real English. We can all agree on our superiority to Cantonese, right?

You mean their rightful land where they shot the natives and nicked it?

as opposed to whom?

Actually, I understand that Cantonese is one of the most elegant and efficient languages in the world, albeit difficult to learn.

Alright, Esperanto maybe? I'm a fool.

DONE

you mean FINITA

you mean NE

YES

night elf?

Uzbek. When poking fun, always start with countries that end in 'stan.

you racist!

I wouldn't go that far. You may be right regarding elegance, but I would say that any language that uses an alphabetic system is inherently more efficient than a logographic or syllabic one. This isn't a Western bias, it's just logically evident, and my Chinese friends and Japanese roommate agree in this respect.

I suppose I meant only in terms of comprehension and speach, although to ignore its written incarnation altogether is pretty silly.

Not so sure I agree there my good fellow. Tonal languages seem to unleash a whole 'nother can of worms. Aside from, of course, having to use it to convey word use as opposed to non-tonal languages where it can be used expressively.

Except that a lot of people (westerners included) find logographic systems easier to write. And to read.

How so? I mean it's like exponentially more stuff to memorize. Most Chinese people only know like a fraction of the thousands of characters that exist, so how can that be called efficient?

Most English people only know a fraction of the thousands of words that exist, so how can that be called efficient?

But I do know all the letters I need to make them, as opposed to Chinese where I would need to learn the character before I could write it.

I speak merely for clarification, not to say that particular argument sways my opinion.

My personal take on the logographic languages is I would hate trying to draw all those pictures. My hands are so clumsy and my handwriting is so poor that even though I print every letter, what I write is barely legible. And that is with only 26 characters. I shudder to think how hard my writing would be to decipher if there were hundreds of possibilities to filter out of my scrawlings.

only loosely relevant, but it takes around 50 strokes to write "vending machine" in Chinese and Japanese! looks like this.

Actually, normally here you only use the first, third, and last character (ji-han-ki) when referring to vending machine. Using all five (ji-dou-han-bai-ki) is sort of unnecessarily formal. Japan! And even if the characters look sort of complicated, they're actually all basic ideas that you learn very early on.

YES

But most Chinese people are killed by communism.

THEY ARE LYING

Also AUGH FUCKING TONES

Tonality is why I am comfortable only ever knowing english, ever.

What do you call someone that knows two languages? Bilingual/ Three languages? Trilingual. One language? An American. Ba dum dum.

When told by Europeans that joke has a different target:

Qu'est-ce qu'on appelle un qui parles deux langues?
- Bilangue.
Trois langues?
- Trilangue.
Et un langue seule?
- Anglais!

I'm trying to subvert that stereotype, but I've probablement misconjugated mes verbes ou something.

I recently ran into my old French teacher at a dance club/bar place. I was very happy to be able to trudge my way through a conversation in French, albeit a simple one.

You should watch the film 'Last Night', there's a similar scene.(Also it's a good film)

It seems that the bizarre cross-section of Acheworld readers not only contains post-bachelor English majors, pre-graduate physics/advanced science majors, American girls who watch "Top Gear," but also bi-/tri-/n-lingual Americans. Very peculiar.

Incidentally, the word polyglot is a fun word.

It's especially funny if you speak Russian. It's a loanword from Greek (I think), but in Russian 'glotka' roughly means 'throat' or 'mouth' so the first thing you think of when you hear polyglot is someone with many mouths. The root word is probably the same.

As a French person, I have to say -- that's a good case of the pot calling the kettle black, as the French are rubbish at learning and using foreign languages. When I was at school, any time there was an exchange trip with a foreign country, we were put to shame.

(French France, in Europe, where we speak French French. Maybe the joke actually works better in Quebec, where everyone seems to be bilingual, thus making a mockery of my own bilingual skills).

That's what I hate about globalization the most. No one who speaks English respect other languages any more. You expect people at your hotel in France to speak English, because god forbid you actually have to buy a phrasebook or use rudimentary communication methods like pretty much every foreign tourist in America has to.

Sent l'odeur du ma fromage, vous mere

I've smelt worse.

Not really. It's actually (well, money is the real reason) one of the bigger reasons I don't travel abroad and would not want to expatriate (not to mention being on the outside of common cultural signifiers... like hanging out with people who all went to a high school other than yours) is because I don't understand the language. I don't want to be a dick who expects people to understand English and I know I'd just make a damn fool of myself clumsily trying to use their language.

I think it's more because it's not necessarily British English- we're talking Australia, Canada, SO many countries that spell it that way. Just, y'know, not Americans, who had a dude called Webster pretty much make up their rules as he went along so he could make American English different.

And punctuation. They see it as their last domain of cultural imperialism. This may be why all English celebrities look like grammar school teachers.

Yeah man it's not like they invented the language or anything.

I think my post and yours are replicated two strips ago, but there they got hell of chubbies. Now we're paying out on the Brits, it's lame town. Fine! Boo to the English, for being your ancestors and giving you a language that you've molested! BOO!

No, boo to the English for being the ancestors of Chaucer and Shakespeare and the Anglo-Saxons and molesting their language!
God, how many times will modern Brits claim that American evolution and adaptation of the original British settlers' language (which is something that happens in every culture, because - shocker - language is not a stagnant entity that never evolves) means they're speaking incorrectly and American English is inferior? The British may have invented the English language, but you've fucked around with your ancestors' lingo over the centuries just as much as we have.

GET OVER IT

I'm guessing that in this context 'invented' means 'cobbled together from three other languages.'
I guess that counts, you could claim to invent the cheeseburger when you put the meat patty between slices of bread and put a slice of cheese on it. That doesn't really excuse being a twat when your nephew tries putting grilled onions on it though.

Cheeseburg is my favourite Deutsch city.

100% agree. Whilst there are national variants everywhere, I think we can agree that the High German of English is British (or more specifically, Commonwealth) English.

Quote:

"Language is...the hulk of a charred Panzer,"

Let me note that I know nothing about Stephen Fry. Comin' up like I did, I was lucky to even learn about Monty Python. But this board made me curious enough to learn a bit. I found this quote to be quite beautiful and more than a little apropos of the thread.

which form of the language in the uk is supposed to be 'british'?

Cockney Rhyming Slang is absolutely plummy, mate!

I love it. I only know a few bits though:

Septics- Americans (Septic tanks= yanks)
Barney- Trouble (Barney Rubble= trouble)
Slabs= Feet (Slabs of meat= feet)

also Barclays Bank..

There is no such thing as "real" English. Your definition of "real" English seems to be that the British were the originators of the English language, and Americans used a secondary, bastardized version. But evolving a language over time does not make it less real. If anything, based on your belief in the superiority of the original, "real" English would be the oldest version of the English language, and then you get into how far back Olde English can actually be considered English and not its predecessor. Whether you define the "original" English as Shakespearean English or Chaucer's English or whatever, the point remains that modern British English would be just as "fake" as American English because it bears very little resemblance to the original English language of a few centuries ago.
Basically, I'm trying to say the whole "us modern Brits speak real English, whereas Americans speak an incorrect version because they evolved it and have different slang" is total condescending bullshit. Go read some fucking Chaucer if you want some "real" English.

Incidentally, I sort of want to become a linguistics major.

F OFF

if we all went back to the first languages, wouldnt it be Latin or Greek? or for the piveledged few, Gaelic and Celtic.

somebody needs to invent some kind of punctuation or accent mark to denote sarcasm in textual conversation.

otherwise shit just gets lame.

assetbar wouldn't support that character anyway.

I also just wanted to say that Stephen Fry would probably be really pissed if he had to teach Maths. By his own admission he really, really sucks at it.

you kind of look like Stephen Fry minus 25 years

That's because it is Stephen Fry, minus 25 years.

SCIENCE.

it's what the world needs more of

Don't make me post my keychain again.

Just make it your icon, or something.

lady, don't make me post my life at you.

GAH! A chubby for you, sir, thank you for elucidating the obvious to my humbled, dumb ass.

Hey man, don't worry about it. Everybody needs to be the butt of a joke every once in a while. Otherwise, we'd lose our place.

That's because he's "A bit of Fry and Laurie" era Stephen Fry, not right now era Stephen Fry

Americans: the "Laurie" is Hugh Laurie, a.k.a. Dr. House.

He is on American television, he has automatically lost his British celebrity status and has become one of ours.

Congratulations, Hugh.

Nonsense, I can never watch an episode of House without expecting him to greet someone with "Tally ho, my saucy young trollop!"

I'm with dovey there. Every episode that passes without an "OH BUGGER OFF, YOU OLD FART!" is a disappointment in my eyes.

Maybe you should get your eyes checked?

harhar. pun. kind of.

Is that not the goal of every non-US celebrity?

Except Bollywood celebrities. Their goal is to sing and dance at every possible moment.

And there are only two of them anyway.

I've never seen House, so Hugh Laurie is stuck in my mind as Bertie Wooster. I think I would be disoriented seeing him not gawking, stammering, and going "Oh, I say!"

dude, Stever Fry could probably teach everything.

Oh James May :(

Oh God. An intersection of two of the best things in the universe, Achewood and Top Gear. Insta-fived.

But where is Hammond?

Too cool for school.

I'm not being funny or anything, but Hammond would totally get it. He's like an ever-so-slightly less hot version of David Tennant. Mmmm.

To me he looks like the poor man's Hugh Jackman.

I'm not "dissing" the man's "looks", but even including the near-death experience he's the weakest Top Gear presenter.

I dont know, I think he has his merits. His humor and occasional haplessness a perfect foil to Clarkson's boisterous personality

Possibly missing a verb there.

And Im not dissing the man. Hell, my interest in cars is equivocal to a canary's interest in poisonous gas. Worried, but resigned to my fate engulfed in it. The presenters are the only reason I watch it, so I love all of them.

The races are pretty good as well.

wait.. what? Are you british? You're not making sense.

Sorry. What did I say that implied non-Britishness? Or alternatively Britishness. Or neither. What's up?

And David Tennant looks like a cross between Charlie Sheen and Bob Odenkirk. Or at least I've always thought so.

Maybe you meant more hot?

Although he is maybe a tad short.

Were I the sort to give ones, Billie Piper would probably be on the receiving end. I just like her face.

Top Gear? Must be something you youngsters like.

Hammond is being mistaken for a ninth grader.

Man, we need an Achewood/Top Gear crossover, all Beef and Lyle and Ray reviewing cars. Like this:

New Mustang Review

Beef: "so basically this car is hell of weak on the technology front all using the rear axle such as from a conestoga wagon and it does not handle"

Lyle: "MAN BEEF FN DONK NO WE SHT ABOTU THE CARS F'N DURBLE MACHNINE BURNOTU CLUTH DUMPS TIL THE MOTRO CRAWS OUT THE HOOD AN DGOES AND FUKN CRIES SINTSELF TA SLEP TEHCNSJOLGY MYSASS"

That would be highly appreciated by all of the Top Gear fans here, and there appear to be a lot of us. I only rarely watch it. I occasionally get offended by how much they're all hating on American cars until I realize I've never actually owned an American car in 15 years of driving, or even rented one, due to the fact that they mostly suck. I borrowed one once but it broke in about 20 miles.

American cars are terrible. I have one, and I can't wait to sell it and get something else.

I get annoyed when they continuously crap on American cars. But then I get over it because if the English decided to come over and criticize my souped up Chevy truck,(in my Imagination, an emergency session of parliament would vote to send Jeremy Clarkson, Simon Cowell and Alan Rickman to yell about carbons) then my truck would sit there being quick and reliable and they'd still be wrong.

I would also give them a tow when their Lucas infested Jag's dessicated spaghetti wiring caught fire. Never be a dick to a stranger even if they have a questionable British car.

Well, to be fair, American trucks are generally pretty frikkin' great.

My Chevy Cavalier is still pretty terrible, though.

I vowed never to buy American after I learned that my buddy's Ford Taurus was sold to him with the engine not bolted to the frame. Since then I have gone Toyota-VW-BMW-Subaru. German cars are pretty great, but they need to import some Japanese to work on the electronics, and the exchange rate makes purchasing another BMW unlikely in the near future.

I can't remember seeing whether the Top Gear guys like the WRX, but it is the best whip I've ever owned.

Scoobies are great. I sneakily convinced my folks to get a Forester XT, which is basically a WRX STI masquerading as a lesbian softball chariot.

I don't think I'll probably ever buy another new car, American or not. I was at a Chevy dealership and a goatee'd salesman tried to sell me a new Malibu. The conversation went like this:

Me: So, is this rear wheel drive then?
Salesman: No, front wheel only.
Me: I see. Can I get it in a stick?
Salesman: No, but we have this lovely manu-matic
Me: Hm. Can I order it with a V-8?
Salesman: No, but we have these nice new overhead cam 6 cylinders that are pretty quick, or you could get an efficient high-tech 4 cylinder.
Me: Can I get it with a basic radio, crank windows and pushbutton locks?
Salesman: No, you have to get everything in one of three option packages with 20 disc changer bewoofered XM radio, bluetooth wireless starbucks locator, ass warmer.

So, I left him a number and said if GM ever makes a car that is basically the exact opposite of the Malibu that they should call me because I would like to get one.

The Germans don't fare much better. Trying to use either Bimmer's iDrive or Daimler's Komand is like making out with Helen Keller.

Virtual chubby. That was really funny.

To be fair, you don't have to get the iDrive with any BMW and I've never met anyone who went out of their way to order it.

Sounds like your needs in cars are pretty similar to mine. I met a Dodge salesman at a social occasion. He tried to get me to consider their crappy products. I told him that no man should ever have to drive a slushbox under any circumstances, and nobody should ever have to drive FWD either. I won't drive a truck or minivan either. So I told him I would test drive anything he had that fit that bill.

He didn't have a Viper on the lot unfortunately.

I wasn't planning to chubby that until that choice Helen Keller joke. Seriously, why does nobody sell hand-crank windows anymore? Am I the only one who worries about plunging into a lake?

i just got a cobalt within the last few months and have to say it rocks harder than the diamonte i had before.
granted, the mitsubishi was from '93 and teh chevy is from '07 (god it has made me so poor)

i bring this up only because it went cavalier to cobalt. cavalier is a decidedly more aloof car named tho.

How unfortunate to dump on an entire industry like that because of one car. I have a Ford Focus and it runs perfectly and gets like 35 miles to the gallon.

Yes, pogo, you should be proud to own a car that was made in America, out of parts imported from China, Mexico, and anywhere else that can make them cheaper than we can. "Made in America" is a cruel joke devised solely to convince Americans that we are actually helping our economy by purchasing shitty, overpriced cars. I drive a Toyota Corolla with over 200,000 miles on it, and it still gets 33-35 miles to the gallon and runs great. Let me know how your Focus is doing when it reaches the 200k mile mark, oh wait, it won't, because most American cars are designed to just barely outlast their warranty before falling apart.

You're talking the old school Detroit of the 50's and 60's with planned obsolescnce and yearly model changes. The new Detroit has learned from the Japanese manufacturers. And your Japanese car could have been assembled here with a similar mix of globally sourced parts. I'm at 75K with my 2003 Focus, so we will see.

Actually there's quite a few 1950s and 1960s chevies still running around on their original engines and transmissions. The late 70s through the late 80s is when the American car manufacturers really went to hell and lost any sort of customer loyalty. Caddy V-8-6-4, Olds diesel, early 700R4s, thin casting 305 and 350s, not to mention the completely forgettable front wheel drive V-6s whose unfortunate platform GM still lives with today. People drive cars from that era with a grimace of angry determination.

Also, your Focus is a European ford design that is assembled in Mexico. It might actually be reliable. See, rather than design a platform, Ford these days pretty much just cribs Ford Euro or Mazda and changes the front end to look like a Mach 3 razor.

But don't feel too bad. You coulda bought a Saab 9-2x in which case you would have bought a rebadged WRX wagon with a 10k Snaab markup. Or you could have got a Fusion which is a Mazda 6 with the Mach 3 razor treatment.

Wow, you know way too much about cars to be human.

Proud owner of a matching-numbers '68 Nova. It has over 200k on the rock-hard inline six that I love too much to get rid of. Currently, I'm replacing all the rubber and plastic, which has pretty much crumbled away over time.

This vehicle was made before people walked on the moon.

Not just because of mine. I hear stories, man. I know people. And what thorfinn says is correct. American cars are, by and large, not made to last. Once you start getting close to 100,000 miles on an American car, you'd better start planning when and how you're going to buy another, because it's not lasting much longer.

It's still all hella anecdotal, and sometimes we hear what we want to hear. Went to "Car Talk" to get some anecdotes of my own, and found a 2000 Focus (the first model year, I believe) with 140,000 miles, and for the 2001 model, 190K, 200K and 290K. There were complaints, too. Time will tell. My 2003 is at 75,000 with nary a rattle or rust spot.

People who listen to Car Talk are bad for this argument, as they are the types to perform actual maintenance on the weekend before anything noticeable goes wrong.

...or just turn up the radio and ignore those ominous sounds coming from under the hood.

Is it bad that I would love to meet any of these people? And that I was slightly offended by Onstad making James May into a woman?

No.

I model my appearance on James May. And, in future, will probably do the same with my capacity for driving.

[IMGS OFF]

Mr. Ross' longbow class is good, but it's not nearly as fun as Mr. Brown's crossbow class!

Neither are as good as Mr. Putin's judo lesson in the Russian Class down the hall

And I hear Mr. Izzard's Home Ec is going to be awesome!

When you move on to A levels you have the option of either taking "Halberd/Pike" with Ricky Gervais or "Common Portcullis Defenses" with Terry Jones.

I have to break character and come out and say how awesome this is.

You know I think that there's some obscure and ignored British law that says that boys in England should get two hours of longbow practice a week. Presumably to help us fight off the French if they try and invade.

not sure if what riazm mentioned is a law, but I do know that within the ancient city walls of York, it is legal to kill a Scotsman if he is wielding a bow and arrow. Also, it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless, unless she is working as a clerk in a tropical fish store. Those brits have some crazy laws.

If I recall correctly, the bow and arrow is the legitimate method of killing the Scotsman in York. The crime which allows this punishment is, I believe, farting on a Sunday.

A similar law holds for Welshmen in Chester.

The crime the Welsh commit to earn that punishment? Smelling like onions and coal.

That's enough.

Why on earth would anyone take Russian if Billie Piper is teaching French?

Billie Piper is a minger.

I don't know what that means

One nit when I was sleppin' a grackler cam.

One comment board divided by a common language.

- stole it from Churchill, of course

Oh shit, they're speaking in code!

OH MY GOD THIS GOT THREE CHUBBIES I AM SUDDENLY TERRIFIED BY THE ACHEWOOD READER DEMOGRAPHIC.

I mean... more so.

Something to do with vaginas I think.

It just means she is minging - ie, ugly.

A cursory Google reveals that "minge," "minger" and "minging" all have different meanings. What the HELL Britain?

Sorry!

Well, it's prounced differently. "Minge" rhymes with fringe, "minger" and "minging" are like singer/singing. And, minger and minging basically mean the same thing.

A minger is a person who mings, or is minging if you prefer the gerund form. Possibly derives from the same root as the "minge" noun, but by using it in a modern society one would not risk implying relation to a vagina.

Since this seems of be a "bitching about English" thread, I might point out that "minging" in the context you've got it is a present participle, not a gerund.

Fuck. Just... fuck.

I'd chubby you out of bitter acceptance of my failure if I had any chubbies left.

Minger: not a person that one would wish to sleep with, due to their unattractiveness.

In the UK, Northerners will tell you it's a Northern word, Southerners will tell you it's a Southern word, the Scots will tell you it's a Scottish word, and the yout' of the Home Counties will just say 'Oi oi oi! Gis a go on your your nang scooter you bomba klaat!'

YES

You must be off your rocker. Billie's well fit. What are you, a poofter?

She's got two people's teeth in one person's mouth.

The perfect description of Billie Piper, courtesy of Mr. Charlie Brooker:

"She's extremely good-looking in a most peculiar way: her eyes, mouth and nostrils all seem to be competing to see which can look biggest on her face. At times she resembles a Spitting Image caricature of herself. It shouldn't work, but it does."

Very accurate, but I disagree with his summation. It does not work. She's a fugger.

Nigella Lawson > Billie Piper

Well, obviously.

You know, its funny, I don't know you, but I have sent round a few men to start up a relationship with you. A lame relationship.

whatever man i'd still bang her in half

I concur, I would hit that like an angry god

THIRDED

A generous gift:

http://www.pure-nude-celebs.com/free/billie-piper/billie-piper_16.jpg

Huh.

You seem disappointed.

I...yeah. Yeah, a little.

I'm with you, I was hoping for something a little more Penthouse.

Yes! I understood that! Thank you Lady Sovereign, The Streets, and "The Boys" trade paperback.

I'm a minger
You're a minger too
So come on minger
I want to ming with you

She is not a minger, she is pretty.

Elective Course: Murdering people with Piano Wire
M-W-F, 3 credit hours
Professor Putin, Room 204

Note: Severe punishment for tardniness, late work, and praising the west.

Note: Lab fees assessed for Dioxin - students may substitute homemade for extra credit.

man all this putin talk is making me think I should change back to my old avatar.

Please do. The humor of your current one has long worn away and now it just bothers me.

I feel like this strip is a shoutout to spinynorman. He will be so pleased.

onstad doesn't/can't/shouldn't care about anybody here
doing so would be poisonous.
imho.

That would be straight up fucking bizarre.

Such a thing should not be done. It is a fool's journey.

Oh damn, I just referenced myself.

Way to...uh

Way to jump the shark! Damn your avatar is hypnotic.

"Did you guess it? Gordon Brown is the only one not to have been on Top Gear. Yet"

That's actually exactly what I thought when I first read this.

Also, Gordon Brown is the only one who is the Prime Minister, and runs the country, and therefore surely surpasses any notion of meagre 'celebrity'.

Or four countries. Or two countries, a principality and and annexe. Or, doesn't actually run it as such, but is allowed to make major decisions by the Queen, on the proviso that the Queen never disagrees with him. Or something. Actually, I don't really know how it works.

It's not easy being under the Queen

Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink, say no more

Ha! Virtual chubby.

Do they really call it "maths" in the UK, or does Chris just really like "Look Around You"?

Yes, they actually call it maths. And not just in the the UK, but other places in Europe as well.

After all, it is mathematics, not mathematic.

They also say the calculus.

We don't say "the" calculus. Not unless we are being pretentious.

Every night my grandmother makes sure to be in her living room by 11 pm so she can watch the Jay Leno followed by the calculus.

The calculus = Conan O'Brien?

Nah, he would just be the algebra.

I don't know...his hair is a rather logarithmic spiral.

Have you done your the calculus homework?

No, I haven't: my the calculus teacher isn't very good, so I'm kinda lost. Maybe I need a the calculus tutor.

I'm really good at the calculus; I got an A in my the calculus GCSE.

I have never heard anyone, ever, refer to it as "the calculus".

Well dang. I am certainly not questioning the veracity of anyone's assertion. But every British mathematician I have ever encountered has referred to it as "the calculus".

I find that odd, given that there are other calculuses. And that I've never met anyone who uses the phrase "the calculus."

Are you sure they were british AND that they were mathematicians?

It was at a couple of mathematician get-togethers. One guy one time, two guys the other time. The spoke with British accents.

But both times were in the US, so they could have been doing it simply for effect.

Sometimes English people speak wrong on purpose, just to mess with us.

Yes. Yes we does.

Every British mathematician I've ever encountered has done so, as well.

Unfortunately, they number zero in my case.

Admittedly I haven't been in an institution that teaches it before, but still I've never heard it used with the definite article. Wee-urd.

Hmm hmm hmm

[IMGS OFF]

That book cover makes the calculus look like a suspension bridge to nowhere.

No no no.

The calculus is a suspension bridge to everywhere!

I own that book and read the first chapter.

The calculus is a suspension bridge to nowhere because as it approaches an object it halves the distance between the end of the bridge and the object infinitely.

I think you just broke my mind.

In New Zealand, it is "Maths" also. Other phrases! Maths with Statistics = "Stats." Maths with Calculus = "Calc."

Maths in Australia also

and hamburgers eat people

You're thinking of Rand McNally.

You're saying the calculus is a bridge AND an arrow?!

A pointy bridge.

That flies in a predictable curving path.

That is lots of fun until it puts out an eye.

Is this like the infinite paint bucket shit I had to do in calculus in high school? I'm so glad I'm an English major.

Yea I mean I went to a math and science high school and now I'm nose-deep in Foucault and barely remember the freaking chain rule. Why, the other day I was waiting for the train and couldn't even take the derivative of its decreasing velocity as it approached the platform. Seriously though, I think we get a raw deal on the Internet. There's all these webcomics like XKCD and crap that let programmers and math majors feel good about themselves, but none for us. The best we can do is argue about gender roles on Assetbar when the topic comes up.

If people were making Margaret Atwood and Doris Lessing jokes all the time, I wouldn't have to bottle it all up until I goddamn exploded at some unfortunately located irony. Basically, I blame Randall Munroe for everything that has ever gone wrong in my entire life.

English Majors are forced into the unfortunate position of dropping names of people they've never met. If only our grammar rules (the relevant ones) were more complex, we could show off, too.

"Oh ha ha look at what he did with Manutius's Delegated Participle. That was highly unexpected!"

I've seen a couple of Margaret Atwood and Michael Ondaatje comics at Kate Beaton's website

http://katebeaton.com/Site/Welcome.html

It's not just for English Majors. Mechatronics Engineering Students like Achewood too!

And fishermen!

geology/physics majors too

There is a comic for your kind, and its called Cat And Girl.

David Belinski is American �_�

I thought it said "touch the calculus", and wondered why it still sounded rude

I read half of that book voluntarily. I'm...very strange.

Similarly, in Europe, one does not sit on one's butt all day, but on one's butts. After all, it is 'buttockS', not 'buttock'. You see in England they still locute with the tongue of the Queen, none of that feral bees' noise of the Colonies.

(Did I create an account just to make this 'butt' joke, after years of Achewood? After buying the damn cookbook? AFTER COOKING OUT OF THE COOKBOOK? I did.)

why in America they haven't spoken it for years...

Queenolingus!

(Or should that be Reginalingus?)

They call it "maths" on "Look Around You" because that it is what it is called there.

Also because it stands for Mathematical Anti Telharsic Harfatum Septomin. If you dropped the S, well, it just wouldn't mean anything.

If I had been able to look at this thread sooner, I would have just posted "Stop fighting...now. Stop writing...now."

What's this? An Achewood strip with references I don't fully understand? TO THE INTERNETS!

Are Stephen Fry and Agnes Ronay brothers?

the women are.

She shoots, she scores!

When you get to heaven you immediately know all languages. Except for British, that shit is insane. It's all CHING CHONG WING WONG.

I failed Crossbow, but I am currently working on my Masters in Arguments & Decisions.

Also, I don't know what Ray's on about. I would let Billie Piper teach me French any day - Hey-o!

Except Saturday and Sunday, because that is the weekend and school is not open on the weekend.

I for one would be willing to work on the weekend for extra credit, but only if I take Latin with Olivia Williams.

Any Romance language will do, really.

I Googled Olivia Williams. I was satisfied.

She can't teach Latin, she only knows English and French! (http://www.sueterryvoices.com/profile/olivia-williams/)

You don't have to know something to teach it. If there's one thing the American Public School system has shown us, it's that.

Is nothing sacred?

Ooh la LA! Ooh la LA la la LA!

Clearly Onstad has seen Jeremy Clarkson review a car at 230 miles/hour, so how could he possibly label him a stodgy english history teacher?

because just think about how Jeremy Clarkson would teach an english history class....JUST like he reviews cars at 230 miles an hour.

[quote=Clarkson's History Of Britain]If the First World War was a woman, she would be a grotesque unshaven matron named Helga...[/quote]

Fuck.

This car... is like a lady's... vagina

Who said anything about stodgy? He appears to not be wearing a tie. In England this is tantamount to open rebellion.

Mrs. Agnes Ronay

Charlie Dimmock was sacked as gardening instructor when a boob popped out during a weeding demonstration.

This is exactly what England is all about

...And really bad at cricket (but Americans don't need to worry about that)

I remember the first time that I was in England I was in a really crappy little pub and my first impression didn't go so well. I guess it was pretty downscale, because the place in question was filled with forty to fifty year old men with the shape and complexion of fairly lumpy potatoes who were clad in jumpsuits and wore enough jewelry to be spotted from the stratosphere, even if they were indoors. (Seriously, that much jewelry.) While I heard that Americans were frequently loud, brash, and obnoxious in usually quiet pubs, these gentleman shouted at one another with a vernacular that I can only guess originated in the fourth century, probably in a town whose industry was dominated by pigs.

The highlight of the hour came when one waitress had to bend over to pick something up, which is when one gentleman stood up behind her and mimed buttfucking her, much to the delight of all.

I was sort of disappointed with the revelation that most of England was populated with convicted rapists, but I was soon proven otherwise, because several had been acquitted.

(Honestly, though, besides that strange introduction I had a great time and I often yearn to go back.)

Whoa whoa whoa wait wait.

You're not British?

Nope.

Not only am I not British, I'm actually Texan. Which is about as far from being British as possible.

I mean, the way the rest of the world feels about America is the way America feels about Texas.

Yes, but you live in Austin, right? Austin rocks. I don't consider Austin to deserve the reputation that the rest of Texas has garnered.

Yep. Austin is very much different from the rest of Texas. The Tattoos an Body Modifications per Capita proves that better than anything else.

That, and it is the live music capitol of the world.

I don't know why this is so, but it is.

Spinynorman, will you...will you be my friend?

We can meet up at the Green Muse, do you know the place? On Oltorf near 1st Street? I have the first season of A Bit of Fry and Laurie in the mail right now, even though I have already seen all of them in clips on You Tube.

But no...the awkwardness.

so many austin people!

(me too)

Well, I'm going to be at the Dog and Duck tonight, being as it's St. Paddy's day. Of course, there will probably be a hundred other people there. I will be the one in the Guinness rugby shirt. With the beer, or probably Jameson's.

Well, really it was just a hypothetical proposition. My car is broken.

What, are your legs broken too? Is the bus broken? Huh?? Stop making excuses and get over there!

Margargaret has no legs.

I wondered who would go there.

Clearly margargaret wasn't going to go there.

I know I haven't been here long, but for future reference, you needn't have wondered.

Margargaret is in a coma.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

Maybe I'm just really hungover and maybe still drunk, but hot damn.

It's a trap! Run, spinynorman, run!

The worst thing is to move from Texas to somewhere up north. *Everybody* hates a transplanted, liberal Texan.

No, the worst thing is to grow up in Oklahoma, live in Texas for several years, then move back to Oklahoma.

I live in Oklahoma! I have not lived in Texas though.

You have my sympathy.

Do you live in one of the two metropoli? Or the suburbs? Or, heaven forfend, a rural area?

I live currently in Tulsa, and I am not sure I would go so far as to call it a "metropolis." I'm not from OK originally, and when I was first driving through the rural areas I said "man, I thought Arkansas was boring."

Tulsa, eh?

I live in Midtown. I can see the fireworks from the fairgrounds out my back door.

And yeah, it is a metropolis, as far as Oklahoma goes. After all, the next largest city is Lawton with eighty thousand people.

I once heard a comedian describing Oklahoma:

As the settlers were traveling west, the quality of the land kept getting worse and worse. It never occurred to them that eventually it would begin to get better. So by the time they got to Oklahoma, they said, "Damn, we had better stop here, because if it gets any worse we won't be able to live!"

So Oklahomans are descendants of people who settled there because it was as bad as they could stand it. And they spend their lives thinking, "When do we die?"

(And yes, I am aware that there is no historical accuracy to this tale whatsoever. Nonetheless it offers an apt description of the lives of many of the state's inhabitants.)

Holy Crap. Claremore here.

I used to teach in the summer at RSU, but an insane power-mad freakazoid has taken over the program and I probably need to find a new summer job.

I live in the capitol city. I have lived in suburbs and rural areas here in the past (used to be a little south of Guthrie; that sucked). I actually quite like it here, although I get really tired of all the wind.

Does the wind come sweeping down the plains?

Oh, yes. Right behind the rain.

Is that because Oklahoma is Texas junior, as I have heard it alleged?

More like Texas is Baja Oklahoma.

The reason Texas doesn't fall off into the Gulf of Mexico is the fact that Oklahoma sucks.

See majestic Oklahoma! Where you can see a man eat bacon and gravy like it's chips and salsa!

Texas and Oklahoma have a long-standing mutual dislike for reasons that remain pretty vague to me. The only thing that makes any sense is UT and OU competing constantly in football.

To be honest it seems popular among native Texans to be suspicious of most of the rest of the country, and indeed the entire world. Maybe other parts of Texas, too...

"Rest of the country" implies that Texans think they are part of a country that includes parts other than Texas.

A... I'm not sure if I follow that logic. "Rest of" usually means that they are a part of something, and they would be suspicious of the remainder of that something, should they be subtracted from it.

However, a lot of Texans do tend to think of themselves as a separate country that has reluctantly but voluntarily agreed to be treated as a state.

And they are right, if history means anything. Which it does, there.

I believe it is entirely and solely football-related. Sadly enough, many of the residents of both states are perfectly willing to hate a whole state just because they don't like its football team.

Try living in kansas. It makes Oklahoma look exciting. At least you have red dirt.

I live in Nebraska and used to live in Texas. I drive back every summer and driving through Kansas is The Saddest Thing.

New Mexico is pretty rough, though.

"Dear NM resident: Do you A) own or B) rent your mobile home?"

Man, we need to have a Southern US Assetbar meetup. We can all act like blue-collar fathers.

I'm in.

I'd be in for it. At college we had a party once where everyone dressed up as a stereotype from their hometown... it was a hickish, yinzer-y good time.

Sorry to be a geography prick, but Midwestern US sounds like a better description. You say Southern US and I'm thinking you guys are meeting in Atlanta or Tupelo or something.

Yeah, but the midwest makes a man think of, like, A Prairie Home Companion. Which Texas and Oklahoma ain't.

Southwest, then, pardner.

Yes, southwest is the preferred designation for this part of the country.

An Assetbar/Acheworld gathering. Hmm. I am guessing that there would be much beer.

Crispy Stellas, et. al.

We need to do this for real. Who wants to try to organize it?

Please check your Yahoo e-mail for all of my latest thoughts and ideas.

I have yahoo email?

Spiny Norman:

We are out of indentations, so you could not discern that was a reply to tekende. No matter. I am on it like fuzz on Lyle's tongue. Watch this space for coded directions to a planning cell.

Got it. I replied. Who knows, maybe by now you have responded in turn? I will check soon. I try to keep up-to-date on all your thoughts and ideas.

Wait, there is Oklahoma based Achewood related email communication going on?

An email done having been sent and on its way to tekende.

Friends:

Feel free to inspect http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gin_ocean/

I have requested membership in the group.

As have I. If this actually works, there will be much fun had, Stellas consumed, and Js burned.

So have I. This will be awesome if we can do it up right.

I am at work and this is blocked. But having emailed it to myself, rest assured that it will be duly inspected.

Hokay, I requested membership. I'm that... that guy who you asked to join, I supposed would be the way to tip my hand.

This is an intriguing idea. Maybe I should inspect the yahoo group first, but have there been any thoughts as to where this would be held? Based on the cities I've heard mentioned, it would seem that the most centralized location would be somewhere in Southeastern Oklahoma. That raises the question of whether or not we should try to find a centralish point which is also a decent place, itself (unlike Southeastern Oklahoma).

I'm kind of thinking Dallas/Ft Worth TX, myself. Seems pretty central and it's a big city with lots of stuff to do.

Yes. DFW is a very logical idea for a large-scale meetup. We need to entice a resident of that area to step forward and be counted. Also, what about New Orleans?

Going to New Orleans would be just plain sweet.

But if we go to New Orleans we might get wet, and I hate having to wear wet socks around all day.

remember - it's never too soon

Oh damn I thought you classy motherfuckers created a mailing list already.

C'mon, do a working man a favor and STOP FILLING UP MY INBOX.

Of course, it's all my fault because I had to post a completely useless comment above and get myself involved in this thread, but still...

Each part of your message is correct: We do have a mailing list. We should be using it. It is your own damn fault our lack of class is affecting you in this way.

My feelings on this asset are: Con

Noted, thank you.

I am a quasi-resident of DFW: as in, I don't currently reside there, but I grew up there, went to high school there and my parents still live there. And I'll be going back sometime this summer.

http://www.the-murdocks.com/

one of my favorite bands lives in your city.
and they are playing in my city in May, after many many many other bands do.

This could conceivably be a riddle as to what city i live in.

Terrified?

Yeah. I have more than once been told that I'm "not allowed to be Texan" because I remain pleasantly ignorant of things like ranch hand bumpers and shot gun calibers and whatnot.

I think a ranch hand bumper is that thing you clip onto the side of your plate to hold your drink when you're standing up.

Wow, someone makes such a thing? That sounds pretty convenient. Tacky, but convenient.

Makes you look like a five year-old, though.

Yes, well. Hence the "tacky."

Hmm, I'm pretty sure it's a thing you use in cause you actually hit a cow. Or something.

It's this.

[IMGS OFF]

For hitting cows.

Also for dramatically lowering fuel mileage and overcompensating for problems in the trouser department.

Ah! a little box with a red X in it. Exactly what I was hoping it was.

Yeah, I wondered if that worked. Let's try again, because work is taking for fucking ever.

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

Let's see what happens. You and me gonna tango, Assetbar.

Oh, THOSE. There are cars here in Brooklyn, NY, with those on them. As if the car has readied itself to plow through a crowd of pedestrians if need be. Also they "help" the car/truck/SUV take up even MORE of our limited parallel parking space. Bastards.

Bull bars are frowned upon in the UK because we have relatively few wild animals likely to put a dent in our bonnets (or "hoods"), so they're more commonly associated with mowing down schoolchildren.

I like the name "ranch hand bumper". It makes it sound like their express purpose is to rearrange the internal organs of guys in cowboy hats leaning against fences.

Apparently as a pedestrian you're much more likely to die if you're hit by a vehicle with bull bars than a vehicle without.

Nice.

Growing up in a cattle town, I always remember those bumpers being referred to as either cow-catchers or deer-smashers

I've always heard cow-catcher used on the more angled versions of these type of devices, specifically the ones you see on the front of old trains. Instead of just bumping them, the device kind of scooped/"caught" them up and off to the side of the train.

I thought those were "brush guards." How boring.

In Oz we refer to them, in some regions, as "Roo bars".

I'm sure you can guess which regions. Or get a map and guess or something. No, there aren't kangaroos hoppin' in front of cars everywhere.

Everywhere that's not a large town. Which is almost everywhere. I posted up there before I read this here. Sorry.

Don't lie, I know for a fact that there are kangaroos hopping all over the streets in Sydney, right in front of the Parliament House.

That's right, I, like about 95% Americans, think Sydney is the capital of Australia.

Note to other Americans: it isn't

95% of Americans

It's not so much that Americans actually think that Sydney is the capital of Australia, it's that Sydney is the only city they have ever heard of.

And they can't bear, uh, to think that the only city they know of is not the capital.

Hey, I know of Melbourne, Perth, and Darwin, and...

Well, that's about it really.

When I found out that the capital of Australia was Canberra, I think my initial feeling was betrayal.

I thought it was Melbourne. Whoops!

I Love Perth

It's the same as Washington being the capital, when it does nothing else useful apart from Being The Capital.

As far as I can tell, it also contains the only good Mexican restaurant in the whole USA.

I think the Australians feel the same way.

I believe that brush guard is the technical name, but the ones I mentioned are used more often in casual conversation, especially when making fun of an extremely gaudy or tacky one. Other terms you might sometimes hear rednecks use for various pickup truck accessories
Grandpa handles: running boards or any similar step-like apparatus
Headache rack: cab guard

That's a bullbar. Which is an infinitely better name than 'Ranch Hand Bumper', but slightly misleading in that it is mostly used for protecting one's vehicle whilst mowing down kangaroos.

I am actually replying to spinynorman, but this gets my comment closer to his then replying to it directly would.
Shotguns do not have calibers, they have gauges. The gauge is the number of equal weight shells can be made from one pound of lead, so a smaller number means a bigger gun. With a 12-gauge, for example, a pound of lead is divided into 12 equal parts, and each of those parts is made into several small pellets or one solid slug. The pellets or slug are then turned into a shotgun shell. I'm not sure if they use the same weight measurements for steel shot, but it's a similar system.

I replied to the wrong reply I meant to reply to the reply to the reply to spinynorman, which would have placed my comment about 5 spaces below his comment about shotguns, but alas, assetbar has failed me again

But only White (cowboy) Texas. Black Texas and Hispanic Texas are both perfectly nice, normal populations. Unfortunately, Texas, where most of my half-black family lives, has a pretty huge minority population (at least by my suburbian New England standards) which is not at all deserving of the Texas reputation. I mean, I have been to Texas to visit my relatives at least once a year, and I have probably met like 3 Republicans total.

My dear son, approaching a woman from behind does NOT mean you have to aim for the anus, as it were. It is a perfectly mamamlian way to reach the good bit itself, you see. Boffo, doggie style.

True, but the term "buttfuckin'" has been tested and proven by lots of scientists with very impressive degrees to be very close (but not precisely) pure comic hilarity.

As terms, I put it in the "queer" category, as in calling someone a "butt fucker." A favorite variation is "butt pirate."

Spinynorman, was this pub in Manchester or Liverpool, perchance?

I think this is more than just a fluke. You, see, the rest of the world has this stereotype about American tourists being loud, obnoxious, gaudy, drunk, and unwilling to engage the local culture. But after my trip to Europe this summer, I came back firmly convinced that this must be the result of people having mistaken British tourists for Americans on numerous occasions, because in all of the above categories, the Brits did not simply take the cake, but ran with it drunkenly for several blocks before vomiting upon it.

I'm sure heccibiggs and scotico will come along to kick me in the bollocks, but hear me out, I have a theory for why this is the case. You see, as Americans, we know what the world thinks of us. So when we go abroad, we want desperately to prove them wrong and therefore tiptoe around like scared little children, making sure to say 'merci beacoup' while trying way too hard to mimic the local pronunciations. The kind of Americans that don't care what the world thinks of them are perfectly content to take their vacations in Disneyland or Vegas. On the other hand, to a Brit, Nice or Mallorca is the equivalent of these destinations. Perhaps they believe that simply by virtue of British blood in their genes they are automatically more cultured and European than Americans and can do no wrong.

Exhibit A: Coming back from the bars one night, we went to get a kebab. The guy in front of us lazily tried to pronounce "kebab et frites," then gave up and defiantly slurred in a "fuck this" kind of tone - "Oi, mate, lemme get a kebab and chips!" - repeatedly shouting it several times at the befuddled guy at the counter.

Exhibit B: http://www.exile.ru/2007-August-14/her_majestys_gopniks.html

I'm going to quote the movie Barcelona on this one.

Ted: You see, that's one of the great things about getting involved with someone from another country. You can't take it personally. What's really terrific is that when we act in ways which might objectively seem asshole-ish or, or, incredibly annoying, they don't get upset at all. They don't take it personally. They just assume it's some national characteristic.

(Please don't fuck me on this one Asset Bar.)

My observation last summer in Germany agrees with you largely but not entirely. Being aware of the phenomenon of the "ugly American" I tried to act nice, be quiet and respectful, speak the language, etc.

It is true that we are a loud people. Even the people I was traveling with who were consciously trying to behave themselves still spent the entire trip shouting. Apparently there's something in our water that makes us all shout at all times for no reason.

I suspect that the reputation of Americans as bad tourists will fade since, due to the current administration, only the wealthy or fiscally irresponsible can travel anywhere.

Doesn't "wealthy or fiscally irresponsible" encompass the entirety of the North American population that aren't busy grinding mice into paste?

This is true. Unfortunately for me. I'm a pretty soft-spoken person and only about 5% of the people around me can ever hear what I'm saying. Most discussions with me have a lot of "WHAT?" For some reason we love people who are loud and smiley.

If they can't shut the fuck up and listen, they don't deserve to hear you.

WHAT?

I have a couple friends like this. They hate coming out to bars because they say no one will ever hear anything they say anyway. I tell them everyone else is yelling and they should just fit in. They prefer to sit on a remote barstool and congeal.

Quote:

the Brits did not simply take the cake, but ran with it drunkenly for several blocks before vomiting upon it

This isn't even a metaphor :( You know what my favourite thing about the U.K. is? The foreigners. They seem so much nicer than most of the locals (and generally are!).

On vacation in Germany, we constantly got mistaken as British people. In France, we got mistaken for Germans.

I'm not sure if those are good things or bad things any more.

Horrible things. Horrible, terrible, awful things. The global perception of German tourists is only slightly less awful than that for British tourists.

Really? I always thought the global perception of German tourists is polite middle-aged couples wearing khaki shorts and silly-looking hats going about their day with meticulously planned precision, or young backpackers riding bicycles. Is there something I'm not aware of? Are they known for filming scheisse videos on location or some such thing?

Wow you are a douche. I know I shouldn't even reply to you because it would play into your little game of simply contradicting everyone's posts and ruining good threads, but I can't resist pointing out that one of us has a 1:1 chubby:lame ratio, and it's not me, so... fuck along now.

Hey, achilleselbow! Calm down!

Lawbot is like the parrot fish of the assetbarrio coral reef that is Acheworld. He performs a vital function by turning live coral into gritty nasty sand. He is a neccesary part of the ecosystem. See? He'll come and see this falling apart analogy, and spet his bile or vent his spleen or whatever he does, and the anger at my gaffe will be redirected at him!

This is nature! It is not for you or I to get flustered over.

Good point. I suppose I am still trying to find my ecological niche and instinctively defend my territory when threatened.

Plus look at his picture, his orifices are all gaping everywhere.

That's slanderous. I'm just about to bite a camera.

Actually... I was traveling with my parents, a polite-middle aged couple. My father happens to have a closet full of khaki shorts, and loves meticulously planning our trips with precision. He also frequently gets called "Indiana Jones" because of the hat he wears.

Are... are you my father?

In general, my feeling would be that the further you get from a country, the better the people from that country become. I agree with most of the points you have raised - virtually without exception the Americans that I have met outside of the US have been courteous, kind and intelligent people. Similarly, as a Brit, I can pretty much confirm that spinynorman's first impressions of British people in Britain is par for the course. Travelling around Europe, as well, I frequently had to avoid people with the same accent as me. Brits in Europe suck and it cannot be denied.

But then, Europe is Britain's back yard, so the proper comparison would be with the Americans in Cancun. I live in Greece and work in the Middle East, now, and, hey - all of the sudden, the Brits are courteous, kind and intelligent. You've just got to get away from the teenagers running distraction in Prague's strip clubs.

I disagree. I like americans more when I'm in America.

I'm not pissed off, I'm just psyched to be referenced.

And, it depends who you met, really. Thing is with Britain, we have this massive drinking culture. They're really trying to crack down on binge drinking at the moment, because there are so many stupid boys and idiot girls who just get really drunk and go crazy, and if you visit somewhere like Mallorca, there's going to be tons of young people going on holiday and just going completely batshit insane. I haven't taken a holiday like that, but my brother has, and he didn't totally lose it, but he saw people who did - like a group of young guys who were so blind drunk at ten in the morning that they couldn't find their way back to their hotel, and they were going to miss their flight because of it.

But, yeah. Contrary to popular belief, England has a lot more drunken louts that debutantes.

I think you're a bit behind on your British stereotypes. Nowadays, the world is well aware of our thug:posh person ratio. It's shifted a lot with the creation of White Lightning.

I think the problem with people from the United States is that while abroad they're far more likely than anybody else to be yelling "USA NUMBER ONE!" apparently only to let you know that yes, indeed, they are from the United States of America.

I'll agree though, the majority of the British holidaying proletariat are lary cunts who ought to be de-sexed for the good of mankind.

To be honest, I would honestly prefer this. In Australia, all we have is the awful "aussie aussie aussie", which isn't just used abroad, but on inner Melbourne trains as well. Patriotism is pointless enough in a global sense, but jesus.

I had always wondered what "chav" meant. Now I know!

This is basically a perfect description of England. It's a good thing most foreigners don't realise that. If they did our last vestige of international influence would be gone, and our ambassador would have to wait in line behind the Estonian ambassador.

Alphabetica prioritising of ambassadors is never a good idea. For one thing, it puts Albania first. *shudder*

Whoa, I didn't think that one through.

I feel a special connection to this strip. I was just certified as a middle/high school teacher four days ago. The certificate came in the mail with my very own reusable brown plastic tray and instructions on how to become portly.

I'm terrified at the prospect of this being true.

You'll be receiving the bad comb-over kit in a few days. Be sure to read the little pamphlet on proper moustache care.

Congratulations!!

Now you have before you years of obscenely low pay, verbal abuse from surly students, verbal abuse from clueless parents, disrespect from administration, and extreme disdain from the majority of society.

All it takes to make it worthwhile is that spark in one kid's eyes.

Thanks!

Having just gotten done with season 4 of The Wire, I both respect and pity you.

Having almost finished my middle school education, I both respect and pity you.

I am a first year teacher. I am posting this from school.

I am not a good teacher.

Are you saying that you are not a good teacher in general, or that you are not a good teacher because you are on the achewood forums at school?

If it is the latter, you conclusion is not valid. Anything that keeps you sane at school is a good thing.

BTW, I am on Spring Break.

The latter.

And if it helps I post during study hall or planning period if I'm not busy. Kids are CAT testing today so I have a lot of free time.

Great punchline. Do you think I could audit the crossbow class? Gordon Brown looks like the sort of dude who really gets his students motivated by crossbow.

For our English friends, here are some confusing American terms from the comic above and their closest English equivalents:

"color" = "colour"
"conditioner" = "creme rinse"
"A-List... Celebrities, Like Our Woody Harrelson" = "the little bald dude from the Benny Hill show"

We say "conditioner".

When referring to Americans, habitually.

Ray (Onstad) has once again proved himself the master of the analogy. English celebrities are Italian cars. It's perfect

proven?

Both would work, but if you used proven it would have to be "has proven".

At least I think?

A: I accidentally chubbied you instead of replying.

B: There is a 'has', before the once.

C: Yes, proven.

that's what i had in mind. the 'has'.

Don't worry about it, dude, the chubby was accidental. You did nothing to warrant one.

But you diiiid!

He missed a perfectly good opportunity to have a pop at Anne Robinson there. She would be the Headmistress.

Philosophy with Karl Pilkington, anyone?

I discovered if you listen closely to one of the tirades in Gordan Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, you can replace the name of a dish with the object of a science experiment, and not lose any meaning.

For instance, here I have substituted <yeast colony> for <quiche lorraine> -

Mr. Gordon Ramsay: "Billy, you twat! You call this a fucking <yeast colony>. My 97 year old grandmother can plate a better <yeast colony> and she's got fucking arthritis. Did you hear me? I said her hands are arseholed. I'd be a generous man to give you an F."

I would definitely coo and/or cluck upon meeting Jeremy Clarkson. Also, forgive me if this has been asked already, but who is Woody Harrelson?

He's Woody Harrelson. You don't get to ask that, on Earth.

[IMGS OFF]

He's the bartender from "Cheers" who doesn't have a massive forehead.

Here you go:
[IMGS OFF]

He's the dude who played Woody on Cheers and has since moved on to playing mostly varying types of criminals.

He is most prominent now for campaigning to legalize marijuana and for having a father who was a convicted murderer ("freelance contract killer" according to Wikipedia).

Also, he starred in the seminal [IMGS OFF]

He also rode his bike around America with a bus that ran on fuel derived from hemp or something. Also he was in the new Coen Bros. movie and he killed.

Wow. I watch Top Gear, I'm an American, and I'm a girl. I feel like the intersection of some weird Venn diagram.

You are the curvy triangle!

It took me a while to figure out why I thought this was lewd. I hope you didn't mean it that way.

I can make it happen. Let me know.

in the section where you exist, there are the words FUCK YEAH!

All the Top Gear fans I know are non-English girls.

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