Beef's Stationery Issues  04/24/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »


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tekende » neu 3 months ago
I am in Oklahoma too, and I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
bourbonsamurai » neu 3 months ago
There is a child in one of my classes named Dijonnaise. When one condiment in your child's name won't do...
norrin » neu 3 months ago
Some people we know named their kid Danarea. It's pronounced something like(den area), but we always pronopunced it more like ghonerea. Those same people named their other kids Starria, which isn't as bad but still stupid.
pogo » pro 3 months ago
These are my sons, Snafu and Fubar.
spectre » pro 3 months ago
Get more reliable method of birth control, dude.
biff » neu 3 months ago
`Got a couple here, coming from northeastern Oklahoma:

Went to junior high school with Flint Sparks.

My step kids went to a low-income elementary school. They were putting together a yearbook. The woman was ridiculing the name of one of the little girls:

"Shomorrow? Shomorrow? Why didn't they just name her Tomorrow?"
The funniest part? [i[Her[/i] daughter was named Shamerica.
solobuttons » pro 3 months ago
Best one I've heard yet: twin sisters. Sharon and... Notsharon.

Yes it is real. This is Australia.
professorhazard » neu 3 months ago
Wait, now that one is just utilitarian. That's fine.
hassanoleary » neu 3 months ago
I have the feeling Notsharon developed a wicked inferiority complex.
synapse » neu 3 months ago
Where I go to medical school (somewhere on the atlantic coast), the pediatric residents keep a running list of actual names of patients that come through the hospital. It probably violates some sort of HIPAA rule to even keep the list, but there are some hilarious-ass names on there, all of them real patients. There is a pair of identical twins named Kenya and Kanye, Eileen Down, Queef, and my personal favorite, Steele Darke Cannon. All of these are real patients. I'll have to take another look at the list next time I'm in the residents workroom.
invidious » pro 3 months ago
Yeah, there's HIPAA violations all over the place there, but sometimes you just gotta make sacrifices in the name of comedy.
tragicone » neu 3 months ago
Steele Darke Cannon? Two things. Why not go for the whole kit and kaboodle and go with cannone? and I bet these two met in a basement.
ethelthefrog » neu 3 months ago
A friend of mine used to have a couple of cats named Stripe and No-stripe. But at least they were cats, not human children who have to go to elementary school.
heccibiggs » neu 3 months ago
And also go to everywhere else for the rest of their lives. She'll still be called Notsharon in High School, and in college, and when she gets a job. It will still be Notsharon on her gravestone.

These names to be sound like Newspeak. Like "good, ungood". I mean, Notsharon doesn't even sound like a name!! It just sounds like "Not Sharon"!

(Also this is like the funniest thing I've ever heard.)
chuvak » neu 3 months ago
The only funny thing I ever read in Garfield (paraphrasing): What were the cats' names? Cat, cat and cat. Why? What's the use of naming something that doesn't come when you call it?"

LASAGNA!!!!!!!!
chuvak » neu 3 months ago
St. Louis MO USA - children born to an unimaginative woman who named them after the food she was served in the hospital: Oranjello and Limonjello.

No shit.
tragicone » neu 3 months ago
A dark skinned fellow I know claims that his mother is a friend of this woman who named her children such.
drskradley » neu 3 months ago
I heard of a Vietnamese expat who, to either remind her kids where they came from or because she was hella proud, named her children "Viet" and "Nam".

I doubt it's a cultural thing, going by the amount of Vietnamese-stock people I know without such names. Lots of "Thanh Nguyen's" though. I mean, get some originality.
alreadyinuse » neu 3 months ago
Actually I knew a guy named Nam once, and he was from Vietnam. I thought it was a gratuitously eponymous name given him by his adoptive family (who were French,) until I learned that it's apparently a very common name in Vietnam. I can't recall but it may have some meaning unrelated to the name of the place, or the name of the place simply is expounding on the meaning, or some such.. I forget.. you know.. I can't keep any of that stuff straight, what with it being all ching chong wing wong and such.
evolume » neu 3 months ago
An American born Malaysian friend of mine has parents who couldn't spell "Ophelia" so her birth certificate says "Orfelia."
lawbot » neu 3 months ago
Isn't Orfelia a name in spanish?
i_love_kate » neu 3 months ago
Ofelia is the Hispanic spelling of Ophelia, but I'm not sure about Orfelia. That reads like a whole different pronunciation to me.
boheeka » neu 3 months ago
I clearly remember my high school latin textbook having twins named Loquax and Antiloquax.
robbingdog » neu 3 months ago
Ohhhh shit
boheeka » neu 3 months ago
I also remember Magistra saying that this was pretty common practice when twins were born.
evolume » neu 3 months ago
I was at the mall and a guy was calling to one of his twin sons. "Hunter! Hunter!" I have a few guesses what the other twin was called but i can't confirm them.
paperboy_2000 » pro 3 months ago
DeeDee?
lk » neu 3 months ago
i actually heard about that from a friend, i was shocked to hear someone speaking about it on the wide world of web. But yes, does say something about Australian culture
whiteturtle » neu 3 months ago
Wait a minute, guys, I don't want to get into some sort of "funny names" contest, ok? We should just drop this now.
king_duncan » neu 3 months ago
Too late.

Had a job once typing up people's old sick leave reports, and found the name "Tiara Slaughter". that must have been some terrible prom.
ford » neu 3 months ago
I have no clue where in the list this post will pop up, but it is relevant to the discussion:

Ford is my real first name, and my three little sisters are named, in order, Neva, Raven and Morgrianna.
tragicone » neu 3 months ago
Aweosome names. The whole lot.
dapooka » neu 3 months ago
Don't make me get out the 'worst-named-person-you-actually-met' contest trophies.

I'll just list the first two and save the worst (best?) for the heavy artillery, since I know someone will think they have the winner.

Abracadabra and her older sister Sachet Potpourri.
steev_dayv » neu 3 months ago
Just for the sake of hearing your trump names, I will tell you the worst I have heard. I met a girl who changed her name to Janet because her parents apparently didn't know what a Clitoris is but thought it sounded beautiful.
tekende » neu 3 months ago
LOVE THEM

MOIST
zedpower » neu 3 months ago
My neighbor's kid is named Anakin.

Seriously, need I say more?
philipmarschall » neu 3 months ago
I knew three siblings (two girls and one boy) who were named Fantasy, Mystery, and Jeremiah.
daidai » neu 3 months ago
I tutored a kid whose baby sister's name was

Abcde. Pronounced Ab-suh-duh).

Yeah, I'm serious.
bixschmix » neu 3 months ago
Hai Ho. Vietnamese kid. As if that wasn't bad enough, somehow somebody found out his mom's name...Mai.

Mai Ho and Hai Ho.
satellitetv » neu 3 months ago
Went to high school with a burly Cantonese football player, went by the name of Tou Ger Li.
tragicone » neu 3 months ago
this, is a jewel
jthm_guitarist » pro 3 months ago
Don't be all talkin' smack about Mai Ho
scraggg » neu 3 months ago
Is your name supposed to insinuate that you've got the title Johnny the Homicidally Maniacal Guitarist?

Because that would be awesome.
chuvak » neu 3 months ago
My college roomate freshman year's legal full name:

Gaik George Geuk Leong Lee, Jr.

Not joking. He was Malaysian!
susurrus » neu 3 months ago
Mai Bong, and Ying Ling (as in the beer Yueingling)
tropicana » neu 3 months ago
One of my profs last semester was named Anita Ho. That's a big part of the reason I took the course.
talix18 » pro 3 months ago
Too bad Hai Ho's not a girl. She can marry my friend whose last name is D'Addario. *hopes someone here is old enough to remember that rhyme*
lawbot » neu 3 months ago
No. All it calls to my mind is a brand of guitar strings.
retro » neu 3 months ago
You would think it was a foreign name or at the very least a west coast trend, but let me guess, the parents live in the upper midwest and really like Sesame Street.
dwodles » neu 3 months ago
Hey! My sister knows a girl with the name Abcde but her name is pronounced AB-si-day.
ihmgard » neu 3 months ago
heh I know a princess, whose name alone might not be the funniest one on here, but the fact that shes a hardcore feminist lesbian of the highest degree makes it sort of ironic. But we all still love her despite her parents obvious poor choices. I also know a Goldberry Long named after Tom Bombadil's wife in Lord of the Rings
chuvak » neu 3 months ago
My mother new three daughters named, in succession:
Faith, Hope, and Sharon.
hamscout » pro 3 months ago
Later, thinking about it in highschool, she was glad the family adopted a dog named Charity before they brought Sharon home from the hospital...
nbgreene » neu 3 months ago
I grew up in the same neighborhood as a mormon family with the last name Rehder (sounds like Raider). Oldest son's name? you got it... Darth. REAL NAME. Yes, he was a dick.
freelancelove » neu 3 months ago
When I was in junior high my mom and I had this joke where every time one of her friends had a baby, we'd suggest they name it either Elmo for a boy, or Jadzia for a girl.
And then one day. I met a little girl. Named Jadzia. And then it wasn't very funny anymore.
mira » neu 3 months ago
I may be showing some ds9 related dorkiness, but I think Jadzia is a pretty name.
alreadyinuse » neu 3 months ago
absolutely it is! (given enough parallel universes.)
tekende » pro 3 months ago
I think it would be a fine name. Different without being ridiculous, plus, you know, Deep Space Nine was really an amazing series.
tekende » neu 3 months ago
Wow.

You'd think I'd just said that Aaljhdfocthulhuadisawejbdv was a normal name or something.

Chill the fuck out, dude.
saraphonic » neu 3 months ago
There's no 'z' in that, so its ok
alreadyinuse » neu 3 months ago
that's a straw man argument! using a straw man argument on me! Not cool!
heccibiggs » neu 3 months ago
"Fluffy" is not onomatopoeia.
alreadyinuse » neu 3 months ago
damn... look who's bein a dick about terms!
farqussus » neu 3 months ago
You kow, alreadyinuse, verbosity does not equate intelligence. edit yourself.
cryztal » pro 2 months ago
But... my name has a "z" in it. </SUICIDE>

To be fair, the "z" in my name was added when I was 17, since I was sick and tired of being "the short Crystal" or "the white Crystal." Fucking Minnesota.
cryztal » pro 2 months ago
I was just trying to figure out where I'd heard "Jadzia" before. Having a Trekkie of sorts for a boyfriend, I am chagrined.
grayfox » pro 3 months ago
I pondered naming my second daughter Jadzia Onna Hopkins. Not only does it sound nice (though Onna is a bit utilitarian, being Japanese for "woman") but it has a built-in nickname of "Joh" or "Jo".
pogo » neu 3 months ago
You must not be around any Polish people among whom Jadzia would be a fine name (means female warrior) or Star Trek fans, as there was a Jadzia Dax on Deep Space Nine.
lawbot » neu 3 months ago
I think it's more likely to be name derived from the word for venom.
lawbot » neu 3 months ago
That said, a surprising number of sites link it to war.
chuvak » neu 3 months ago
At least it wasn't Tusken.
spectre » pro 3 months ago
Support euthanasia for the children of Star Wars fans.
techiebabe » neu 3 months ago
I just found out last night that an old friend of mine named her newborn...Salem Ezra.
I've been debating all day whether or not I still wish to be friends with her.
streever » neu 3 months ago
I'll settle this debate for you. No. You do not. You do not want to be friends with a person like this.
autrepoupee » neu 3 months ago
I can beat that. I knew a kid named Jake Lloyd. How embarrassing!
oomingmak » neu 3 months ago
I know some NASCAR fans who named their kids "AC" and "Delco" - the ironic part is that the both work at a gas station...
tekende » neu 3 months ago
My cousin and her husband named their daughter Dannica (sp?) after the race car driver.
hipjiverobot » neu 3 months ago
There is a family who named their kids Rodney, Rodteisha, Rodneisha, and Rodkeisha. And they all go to my school.
dapooka » neu 3 months ago
I may have to give up my trophy -or at least split it with you - because that's about as good as what I got, for much the same reasons. A coworker's parents also thought this sounded pretty:

Clymidia. That was how they spelled it, but still.

She went by 'Cly' for short even though most of us urged her silently to choose 'The Clap' as a nickname.
gormster » neu 3 months ago
Noice, different, unusual.
woodenteeth » neu 3 months ago
Gormster... loook at mooooooiiii!
drskradley » neu 3 months ago
You guys aren't helping our stereotype, I hope you know.
clever-nickname » neu 3 months ago
This reminds me of something slightly related.

In a study with non-English speakers, diarrhea was voted one of the prettiest English words.

lmfao.

as far as worst names ever, I think Princess is probably one of the worst. Especially since she's a masculine, dyke-y black girl. There is also a guy at my local grocery store by the name of Zenon.
snoozebar » pro 3 months ago
I was in a swim meet once with twin girls named Princess and Precious. No lie.

Those are bad dog names, let alone people names.
philly » neu 3 months ago
In sixth grade my teacher told us a story about a friend of hers. I'm not sure where this friend was from - I believe it was eastern Asia - but she named her daughter after the prettiest English word she knew...

Diarrhea.
comrade_tom » neu 3 months ago
I know someone who knew a clymidia.

Its sad we live in a world where at least two sets of parents choose that name
nbgreene » neu 3 months ago
I think "7" is a beautiful name for a boy or a girl. Especially a girl... or a boy!
lonis » neu 3 months ago
You might like this song then:
http://www.last.fm/music/The Long Winters/_/Seven
lonis » neu 3 months ago
FUCK YOU ASSETBAR. There's supposed to be plus signs in there, like this: The(plus)Long(plus)Winters(plus).
lonis » neu 3 months ago
and in my frustration, I implied an unnecessary plus following Winters. I am a moron, and should be ridiculed accordingly.
pogo » neu 3 months ago
Three lashes with a wet noodle.
theargentinian » neu 3 months ago
I ridicule you accordingly
falseprophet » neu 3 months ago
I drink your milkshake inappropriately
tekende » pro 3 months ago
You know what's a nice name? Soda!

Vchub for Seinfeld reference.

cryztal » pro 2 months ago
I knew a girl in Elementary school whose name was "Six." Her five older siblings had normal names. She ended up having a younger brother named Jacob. I ... don't know what her parents were thinking.
grombly » neu 3 months ago
Salmonella was one I was unfortunately privy to know
drskradley » neu 3 months ago
I had a crush on a Crystal Ball when I was living in Virginia.
pogo » pro 3 months ago
I banged a babe named Beverly Hills.
tragicone » neu 3 months ago
How interesting, I was once babysat by a Holly Wood
bixschmix » neu 3 months ago
My coworker is named Crystal Bell!
brycemidas » neu 3 months ago
I just received a call at my place of employment from a one "Crystal Colon" yikes!
caduceo » con 3 months ago
yeah, two people who had sex didn't know what a clitoris was, but somehow knew the word when they named their child. That's pretty amazing.
mira » neu 3 months ago
nobody ever said it was good sex
fineoakstructure » neu 3 months ago
This is so subtlely stupid that it has always made me laugh more than those "out there" names.

My roommate had a white-trashy family in her hometown that really wanted a boy for their first child, and they were dead set on naming him Keith. Their first child was a girl, but they were undaunted, and decided to name the girl...Keithette.

Their second child was a boy, however, and, single-mindedly, they still named him Keith. So they had Keith and Keithette.

My roommate was instructed by her parents to always avoid their house on her walk home from school.
someyoungguy » neu 3 months ago
I worked with a guy once named Terrence. He had two brothers: Clarence and . . . Ference. Yeah.
hedonismbot » neu 3 months ago
I went to college with a Morgan Morgan Morgan. She was a total slut
steev_dayv » neu 3 months ago
I heard that in a Jan Brady's voice.