Always Visit the Right Man.

Always Visit the Right Man. 02/11/2009 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Actually, the Tabasco destroys all the other flavors, just like with every food item it touches.

Rate this Strip:

« prev 1st rand curr next »

Embed the Strip

Embed:
Facebook:	Share on Facebook

Login to post a comment

Displaying all 684 comments

Took forever to get the rights to the Braveheart pic

Actually it was the nachos that were the problem. (TM) Kraft Foods, inc.

Meanwhile, in another dimension...

[IMGS OFF]

You know who was in Braveheart? Chad from Nickleback:
[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

Man there were some ridiculous wardrobe choices made in Braveheart.

That little fellow with the horns looks so petulant. Like the kid from a Christmas Story when he had to wear the bunny suit.

I think you mean Albrecht Durer:
[IMGS OFF]

He looks like he is about to sensuously open that gown.

Or throw a Westside.

WESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST

I'm glad someone around here appreciates Flapjack.

YAY ANOTHER PERSON LIKES THE SHOW!!

seriously my third favorite show at the moment.

I like the show too! I just don't get to watch it enough...

Albrecht Durer, what news from the wesssst?

http://nmazca.com/blog/westside1480-2000.jpg

One more before I hit the road...

[IMGS OFF]

Profound.

He looks like he's stroking his weasel.

the nickelback fellow was the exact thing that came to mind when this slide came up in my art history course.

he's not a man. he's a thing.

Looks like Marlo.

Faramir, what news from Osgiliath ?

I think you mean Ryan Peckold.

[IMGS OFF]

I think that by now, it's safe to say that braveheart was full of giant pieces of shit.

sweet avataricon.

Sweeter that it comes in 15 packs.

Robin Pecknold, damn it all.

At live shows, he obsessive-compulsively tucks that hair into his collar when he's talking. Like a folk/hippie cravat.

Whoa, Fleet Foxes reference OUT OF NOWHERE
chubby for you sir

AND THEY SAY THAT A HEEEEERO WILL SAVE US

I WANT YOU OFF THE FUCKIN 'SSET, YOU PRICK

wondered a second or two about the double S
it's "asset"
holy shit
holy shit

I only yell in iambic pentameter.

MIND. BLOWN.

AW SHIT, HIS BRAINS JUST FUCKED UP ALL THE WALLS

*SPLUT*

I prefer dactylic hexameter (gotta represent the classics yo! Shout out to my main man VIIIIIRRRRGIIILLLL!), but I'm not about to go wastin' that shit droppin' foo's.

I don't hate 'em for suckin'; I pity 'em for bein'.

"Iambuses are not my favourite thing...
I'd rather use a dactyl when I sing..."
(MP3 from here)

I want you off the fucking 'set you prick.

o.
m.
g.

It's a bit of a stretch, but...

"Hey, man! You feel like throwin' on a flick?"
"... hey, T. You never call me anymore."

That actually works fantastically well with your avatar.

Straight from the Breast Man Special Edition DVD:

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

i'll bet you that's exactly how it was.

dang.

Totally waiting the entire time with that Blue Label, planning days in advance for that moment.

I'm a JD man myself. All carrying it around, just waiting for someone to come up with a good idea so I can offer them a drink.

I kept a bottle of Balvenie double-cask in much the same way for three years.

The good idea turned out to be making dinner for a stripper.

Great idea? Or the GREATEST idea?

I spent the entire "Polly" arc cursing Onstad for mocking my loss, so I'd go with GREATEST.

How come he can use umlauts, and I can't.

He's just talkin' 'bout Mobius.

I think actually he's talking about Mobius.

I can dig it.

Really though? Totally talking about Mobius.

I'm sure it was more a comment on Moebius. Dude is airtight.

"It has been suggested that Post-structuralist narrative theory be merged into this article or section. (Discuss)"

NO. THANKS.

SORRY DUDE. NOT SWINGIN THAT WAY

I LOVE MY DEAD POST-STRUCTURALIST SON.

[IMGS OFF]

Shouldn't that be NO POST?

You're not deconstructing it hard enough.

Hmm, I have eggs and Kraft Singles and Nacho Chips. Time for a snack while I send my husband to the liquor store.

You mean he doesn't have a bottle of Blue Label already in his hand?

Honey, you gotta find a new man.

I'm available, and I got a bottle in each hand. And my penis in the other hand.

Your comment suggests either an exaggeration of bottles or an excess of hands, neither of which suggest your suitability for sharing a nacho plate. I would also be concerned about germs.

you don't want some cock nachos? Srirachi is much better than Tabasco, any day.

Fuck yeah. Tapatio and Cholula are fine slightly-less spicy alternatives too.

Tapatio? Isn't that made of poison?

It's just poisonous to you because you're allergic to things that are awesome. All people who suck are.

chubby for brain jar

Anti-chubby to myself for not immediately getting the reference and thinking he was insulting hot sauce. Man, I am lower than Zap's cock right now.

Speaking of which. Regale us with stories of your pornographic film-making!

Porn: I just shot a j/o video in the shower. Should net me a $Bill.

Also upcoming actress: attractive. I just need to get my blood test results, hear hers are clean, and then head up for filming.

Zapatos! What news from wherever you fucked off to?

I uh went to Portland and cuddled with a girl I like.

Also we went to the zoo!

Crystal Sauce is Tabasco except good.

It was sheer desire that willed that Blue Label into existence.

It was actually the series of tubes beneath the house, in combination with a set of hidden panels, buttons, and such under his countertop (and in other important locations, like the bedroom, bathroom, pool house, living room, back yard, etc), which distributes a decent selection of alkyhol to anywhere requested.

The inter-booze is a series of tubes.

SQUARE TUBES

I feel as if ketchup would have worked even better.

Ketchup tastes good on everything.

Ketchup is 0 proof.

Catsup loses its taste when you have to eat it too often. It loses its allure, even its nostalgia from back when you were given copious rations of it just for leading a troop of men in the murdering of North Koreans. You get given some clean socks and boots, some beef in a can, a bottle of catsup to share around, and a 12-gauge, which you are trained as being good for "going house to house". After a while, you are expected to come up with any results you can to justify their expenditure at supplying you with these rations. These were in the days prior to the American media getting hold of images from small villages in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a warzone, when you were told to strike fear into the enemy via Any Means Possible.

Rice also loses its taste after a while, held in a damp hole for what you believe is 6 months, where they lower down a bowl of fishheads and rice once a day, until one day they have another bowl next to them as they look down, and they say something you can't understand until they drop a screaming Turk into your hole and watch you both look at each other for a second and then say something else in that goddawful monotonal barking language of theirs as the officer point a gun at you both and barks. And you don't want to, you don't want to, and even afterwards as you're the only one shaking in the dirt and bleeding warm blood they throw down the bowl, and it's three rats and you vomit into it but you know you have to eat it, you know how these people work.

It's a bit hard to stomach rice anymore. Catsup does not make it easier.

Thanks, Tim O'Brien.

"i was a coward. i went to war."

In the Lake of the Woods is totally high ranking in my Top 5 Books I've Had To Read For My Education. That thing changed the way I read novels.

It changed it two times and it is in your top 10 books, apparently.

There was no need for Assetbar to do this. Not now. Not here.

WHY TODAY?

Fantastic.

I think it's clear from this that leshii is a party planner by trade.

I do not wish to attend this man's party.

I feel like this is wrong. I don't feel like being ketchup's friend no sir not at all.

exactly, totally, exactly.

Mustard is where the new sound is.

Down, down, to Mustardtown, by way of the Flavorson's Express Rail!

Man I always have such a dang good time at that place.

Ever since I ate my older brother's postage stamp, mustard tastes like sound.

Everything except steak. Tonight at my dinner there was a man slathering his steak in ketchup. I felt he should die for his sins.

Then I tasted the steak.

And then I understood.

Philistines, the lot of you!

I was thinking about such a thing tonight as I prepared a delicious steak. About how doing anything to a nice cut of steak besides applying basic seasoning and fryin' it all up is a crime, but to not so good cut I could care less what is done with it. It could be slathered in ketchup and I would smile and nod, being ever so gentle.

WHAT

DON'T!

Ketchup that bitch!

Steak that is not good without ketchup is not steak worth eating at all.

No, we need some sort of delicious garlic sauce condiment. Why is this not a standard thing? Garlic improves almost everything. We need a basic sort of garlic condiment sauce. Tell me it would not become the new lord of your mouth on burgers and fries?

I thought that's what "cock sauce" was.

It has garlic in it, but frankly I can't really tell. All I ever taste are those deliciously sun-ripened chilis. I taste them as they sear the flesh off of my tongue because I put a brief, two centimeter-long squirt onto my stir fry.

Why not just take some minced garlic that comes in a jar and spoon it onto these items you have mentioned?

1) I am not the sort of person to own pre-minced garlic. I am the sort of person who would suggest that someone cram that well into their urinary tract for even thinking I might own it. I know how much that would likely sting, it's not just the common claim to cram such things there.

2) That wouldn't be a sauce. I want a sauce specifically.

I'm native from the French region of Provence, where raw vegetables, fishes, and more specifically fish soups (bouillabaisse, bourride) are sometimes served with a garlic-based sauce I'm sure you'd love. Actually, there's two of them : "a�oli" and "rouille". The latter reveals a bit more of this reddish note, probably conveyed by the use of safran and/or tomatoes.

I would eat a penis dipped in aoili. I am completely serious about making this happen. I made aioli last week and enjoyed it on more than four sandwiches.

Aioli is indeed some great stuff, but looking it up a bit on Wikipedia tipped me off to some amazing garlic sauces I didn't even know about. Man... I need to get down with some of that.

We need to make this totally a thing in the world. Who would not want a delicious sausage covered in garlic sauce? Or on a bit of roasted meat for a sandwich? This must happen. It must happen now!

I bought some, thinking it would save me time.

All it did was get thrown into the garbage.

Garlic mayonnaise is the ultimate fried-potato-stick-related sauce.

Garlic mayonnaise is what makes post-night out takeaways okay.

For some reason this town hates late nights. There are very few late-night restaurants to grab food from and since people viciously oppose any sort of chain all of the corner stores are small locally-owned places, which is nice, but it also means that you generally can't get Slurpees anywhere, cheap nachos might as well not exist, and you're screwed if you need something past 10 PM most of the time.

Man, you'd think a thriving metropolis wouldn't get shown up by a crappy college town, but then you'd be kinda wrong at times.

Hey, man. Over here we call it a crappy university town.

Not a crappy university towne?

I'm also sadly lacking in knowledge of how crappy university towns can be over there. A friend of mine generally had nothing but nice things to say about Durham.

Durham is a lovely town (I suppose it's a city actually, as it has a cathedral), however the nightlife is lacking. Great architecture though.

Hey, that's the name of my crappy university town . . . .

In her case she went to school first at Duke in Durham, NC and then got her Ph.D. in Durham, England.

I still say she was mad to turn down Cambridge, but Physics isn't my field.

Basically, though a dear friend, I am intensely jealous of this person. She spent one summer working on Bose-Einstein condensates when that lab ended up winning the Nobel prize for their work that year and another summer working at Los Alamos.

Sometimes people really make you feel amazingly inferior.

I find it fantasically ironic that a person would turn down Cambridge and then go to Durham. Generally the reverse happens.

I'm guessing that her reasoning was that she wouldn't have to memorise a whole other confusing address? Just... just the vast majority of one?

I have no idea. She claims that Durham had a better physics graduate program. That... doesn't sound like what I'd assume to be the case, but it's not my field.

Meh. Durham's really like just behind Oxford and Cambridge in terms of general academic excellence. I wouldn't be surprised if they were superior in some specific areas.

But generally it is the place of Oxbridge rejects.

Durham NH too.

I'm kidding, I love Sheffield. Even if I am hardly the person to judge the nightlife. It's a twenty minute walk from here to the Tesco's, through the botanical gardens, and that's all I need from my home.

Twenty minutes? That's mad!

Mad how?

(Chosen rather than the obligatory "THIS IS SHEFFIELD" joke.)

It just seems like a rather long way to walk to go shopping. I think I'd take the bus in such a case or maybe bike there. I certainly wouldn't consider it a positive feature.

True. I suppose for a city it's not that close at all. But it's closer than I'm used to, and considering how near my flat is to the centre it's quite pleasantly rural-seeming. A nice walk, anyway.

Apparently Sheffield has the highest ratio of trees to people of any city in Europe! That's pretty damn awesome.

The amount of taxis I have stunk out with garlic mayonnaise is approaching Graham's Number.

Have you ever made it at home, though? Just finely chop a clove of garlic and add it to a couple of tablespoons of hellman's, then leave it for an hour or two in the fridge before you eat it (not on its own unless you're that kind). Fantastic.

Wouldn't mashing the garlic into a paste work better? Perhaps with a wee bit of olive oil to make it go easier and better capture all of the essential oils (when mashing garlic otherwise salt works wonderfully for this purpose as well... that is, if you'll be salting whatever the garlic paste goes into). Not to mention that since you've got that nice oil and garlic there you might as well just make your own mayonnaise from scratch. Really, the only reason I don't do that more often is because I typically don't need that much mayonnaise lying around the house and it will inevitably just go bad.

I think chopping it and putting it into shop-bought mayo is just the right balance between good flavour and laziness, really. When mashing garlic I always find large chunks of the outside of the clove remain intact by the time I feel I've put all the effort in that I'm going to, whereas I can finely chop a clove of garlic in a few seconds.

Homemade mayo is a great thing, but like you I find it goes off quicker than I eat it.

Chubby for Ramsey Theory.

Ok "Darnell" hope in your Trans Am and get on back down to Florida...

This strip points to the inexorable truth that the only appropriate lead-up to a Braveheart viewing is a couple basic friends just plain getting raw at each other.

I was kind of hoping the alt text was something akin to AWWWWW YEAAAAAHHHH!!!

But it was not to be.

At least it's nothing about anyone shouting "freedom". In other news, I have a chubby for you due to the Paul Banks avatar. I would give more if I could.

Every time I watch Braveheart I am curious how Scotland must have looked before deforestation. It would have been nice of Mel Gibson to plant a bunch of forests to give the movie some more depth.

Ferocity. Just ferocious eyebrows and such produced the expensive Scotch.

A man can hardly take a young filly out for a sushi roll without a homunculus jumping out of it, reciting Edgar Allen Poe's "Lenore" in a Lilliputian falsetto before committing ritual suicide on your plate.

I would pay $9.50 for that.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

Big money, big prizes, I love it!

No whammies, no whammies

I'm sorry, but $9.50 is a bit low. Everyone knows a homunculus costs at least 50gp, not to mention the XP costs. Plus the chef has to make a DC 12 Craft roll for every plate, which isn't too bad, but if he fails the you still have to cover the costs, which really jacks up the price.

i put on my robe and wizard hat

Homonculus are useless, Bogun's are where it's at.

Hey your avi is music note, heart, tilde, exclamtion point. I love it Geno!

Well, they call me that after the doll.

"Homonculi"

You should know better.

I spite you, I fart in your general direction, you silly person

Quote:

I would pay $9.50 for that.

Now, now, let's not cheapen the experience by adding decimals. The homonculus supplement on the third course will be 9.

Holy fuck, I thought that said Lilliputian fellatio and got all excited.

why would that excite you unless...?

oh, never mind.

As a faggot, I resent that.

Faggots can't resent things.

Even the largest things?...

Especially the largest things.

I'm having trouble imagining a place that would necessitate flying around the world twice to reach.

Though I suppose such a place probably would have some seriously raw nachos.

Well, obviously you can't fly just once around the world to eat a Mobius chip. You'd be on the wrong side of the chip!

Damn. You're right!

Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

But a mobius only has one side.

(this ain't xkcd, but we should have some familiarity with topology, no?)

Yes, but if you go around the loop once, you end up only halfway along it.

Yeah, you know what I meant...

it has spin equal to one half

Clearly you don't watch LOST

That's what I was thinking myself! GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

You like Castlevania!

NOW YOU'RE IN MY HEAD STOP IT, EDGAR REESE, STOP IT

and Soccer...

Probably you should have posted this to accompany that sentiment:

[IMGS OFF]

Ohhhh shiiiiiiiit!

What is that? Is that something from Dune?

If you walk without rhythm, then you won't attract the worm.

?
[IMGS OFF]

But... but...

!!

[IMGS OFF]

my worm would burrow into that crevice

*barf*

Which one? There are many potential choices to be made so choose wisely.

Also keep in mind that this lady is Russian and wearing kneepads.

which... one? One? I don't follow.

(also the super hot russian lady)

Which crevice.

I haven't seen the film in ages, but I'm guessing that it's Alia of the Knife.

I've never seen the film, but I just finished the book. That's what I guessed too.

Wait, they got the eyes wrong! The entire eye, including the whites, should be blue.

They... are?

Incidentally, I read Dune about a year ago and have just now started reading Messiah. I am so confused.

Yeah, that's one of the problems. Also both the David Lynch film and the later miniseries failed to get the stillsuits exactly right. I mean, how hard is it to get that correct?

What was wrong with them?

I still don't understand what you two are talking about. In that picture the whole eyes are blue. "Whites" and all.

Ehh... but I thought it looked weird how they did it. It looks all odd and glowy here. Shouldn't it be more of an even, natural blue?

I think his concern, however, was that it looks like the just put a blue filter on them and he was expecting (as I sort of was) that they'd look an even blue across the entire eye. Not areas of lighter and darker blue from where they just added the effect.

There is something of a glow to them, but otherwise they resemble how I'd always imagined the effect to look: Like a blue version of red eye.

One didn't have hoods and the other didn't have masks IIRC. I also seem to recall at least one and perhaps both of them just plain looking wrong and very, very stupid.

No masks? Now that's just silly.

raw nachos? you punny bastard

What are T's hands doing down there at the bottom of the strip?

Shaking with rage? 'Cause I thought he'd love the idea of whipping up some ghetto-quiles. What'd he come over for if he didn't?

if he's like me [he is], then he came over hoping for some incredibly expensive booze.

He is angrily crumbling up the nachos. Or having a wank.

it's the furious concentration of the Blue Label conjurer.

Chris, you are wrong. Tabasco sauce ENHANCES the flavor of everything, even if it burns on the way down.

Nope. Chris is right, you are wrong.

NO YOU ARE WRONG TABASCO SAUCE IS DELICIOUS I WILL DESTROY YOU.

Tabasco is the Budweiser of hot sauces. You can choke it down if there isn't anything better around, but when given multiple options, pretty much everything else on the market is superior. You should try Cholula, Tapatio, or Huichol, as they all have much better flavor and the peppers aren't drowned out with vinegar.

I know I've stated my controversial opinion before, but Chipotle's tacos drowned in hot salsa with a dash of Chipotle tabasco is truly the best.

Hell yes, he speaks the truth. Delicious.

Chipotle makes substandard Mexican food, and Tabasco is substandard hot sauce, so I guess the two would combine quite nicely to make the most mediocre meal ever.

SCREW YOU IT IS DELICIOUS.

Chubby for sticking to your guns in an atmosphere of complete pessimisicity (it is a word)

it's the caps. Caps maketh the truth.

pessimism

SCREW YOU IT IS DELICIOUS.

Sounds like a come on to me.

Cum does not enhance flavor as much as tabasco does.

Also, not spicy enough.

"Not that I would know..."

i jizz lava

You should probably stop sleeping with skanks then.

I love how every time any kind of food is discussed on this board, at least one person will essentially take a minute to shout "EVERY FOOD ITEM THAT EVERYONE HAS HEARD OF IS SHIT!" Only they don't shout but rather post in a snarky, sarcastic tone.

Sidenote: I don't even like Tabasco, this is just a thing that I have noticed.

Telling people that the things they like are shitty is one of the main functions of the internet.

That's why it was invented. Some university scientists were like "man the people at this other university are into some really bad music, how can we tell them while still retaining some anonymity?" and they invented the internet.

five minutes later they said "this needs boobs"

[IMGS OFF]

(this is so much better if you know how these guys speak.)

five minutes later they said "this needs boobs"

ten minutes later someone posted a picture of their ex's boobs.

I do that to my friend's faces. Just the other day (i.e. 3 months ago) I told a friend that it was silly to like Stone Temple Pilots. Only silly people liked such a mediocre radio-friendly version of commercialized grunge.

If you need anonymity to say these things, well, I can't understand why you would.

Normal person anonymity audience = total fuckwad.

...the plus signs defeated me. First time EVER that I've succumbed to the succubus charms of plus signs in BBcode. Damn it all. Just imagine the plus signs.

we all know plus signs don't work..so i gotta ask you...why come?

What you wrote (sans plus signs) actually sounds pretty good if you yell it in increasing volume.

I stole a bottle of that stuff from a Chipotle restaurant just this afternoon. True story.

I've almost did that the other day.

They don't care, I have tons of that product line.

They don't care, because it is vinegar and food coloring.

You forgot the battery acid. Damned Uzbeks.

Lithium cured my depression. Permanently.

He's basically channeling my best breakfast. Scrambled eggs and mashed up tortilla chips on top of sizzled onion, minced garlic, and a half or maybe a whole habanero minced. Leave out the chips, you put it on a bagel.

I guarantell you dis- bettah put on de cooktop fan cause dat dat pepper smoke get in you lungs, make you cough and lay down an' cry.

Like woman.

or like a coloured folk from a 1940's film. apparently.

Knute Rockne, All American?

Better yet, use Hot Sauce brand hot sauce from Schnuck's, as it is orange.

or just try enjoying delicious meals that don't taste like vinegar and the color red

This. Tabasco is for people who hate food.

my existence proves that you are wrong

FAD ! I finally recognize you !

> Fad: Pose as a team, cause SHIT AS JUST GOT REAL

[IMGS OFF]

TRUFFLE SHUFFLE
TRUFFLE SHUFFLE
TRUFFLE SHUFFLE

seizure inducing imageboard is go!

What y'all chumps are forgetting is that Tabasco is an extremely venerable hot sauce. It's practically an American institution. It's traditional. Say that it ain't great to anyone in Louisiana, and you're looking for a down South ass-kicking.

At least they didn't get my North Ass

Ass, what news from the north!

Chris Noth what axe from the Ass?

Is... Is that how it works?

Louisiana Hot Sauce, which is a genuine product, is better than Tabasco.

I said it up-thread and I'll say it again now: Crystal. You mouth off on Crystal and you're in for a world of pain. Tabasco? Meh. They know it sucks.

The Achewood Store's Ray's Rad Chilis is tasty.

I definitely agree. I was able to buy this anywhere in TX but I can't find it at all in CA

my uncle used to put tabasco sauce on literally everything

ice cream, oatmeal, most certainly crackers, water, and milk

He did it for his metabolism, he lifted weights.

So, theguitarhero, I must ask, as was so oft asked of my uncle;are you roidragin' as of right now because nobody rifled through your stuff and stole your tabasco and protein mix

Nope.

I try not to dip my snobby culinary toe in too often (many of you are wrong about steak), but Tabasco really is awful. It is vinegar. There is probably some sort of spice to it, but I wouldn't know, because I'm basically pickling my mouth by tasting it. There are good hot sauces out there, and there is cock sauce. There are very few places I've seen call for hot sauce that were actually correct. What they really wanted was a squirt of cock. Sriracha is better in almost all ways. And cheap as my mother.

siracha is amazing this is true, only found out about it recently, but when you say cock sauce the first (okay, second) thing that comes to mind is a sauce one would apply to their cock.

as has been discussed there are many incorrect uses of tabasco (i.e. consuming it), but this is the most incorrect possible

yes, absolutely, cock sauce on everything

...dad?

I just realized I've already used that joke on this strip, but both were absurd hardly-fitting setups with entirely different effects.

If you are still offended by this, I apologize.

I am so offended by this. I am VERY offended by this!

Daidai, i can't help but remark that you may be using the "...dad?" line a bit much these day's

I have nothing against, but i would like to hear more elaborate post from you.

Yours truly,
Wolfensti

[rage]damned long writing, i saw your first comment 55 sec after it was written.
Grrrraaaaahhhh[/rage]

I have one thing to contribute to this discussion.

Tabasco Plus Vodka.

Holy shit, a few shots of that shit and you'll just about take-off. It is a sure fire substitute for amphetamines.

Note: Do not disgrace good vodka with this idea. Try Smirnoff Red, that'll do.

good idea, i want two types of heart burn

That sounds like a torch song by Blondie.

If you're not running down the street burning it's not been a good night out.

There is a delicious restaurant in Pittsburgh that serves shrimp in doubleshot glasses of bloody mary. Eat the shrimp, drink the shot. Sounds weird, is weird, but is also delicious.

I am a long way from Pittsburgh, but shrimp, Tabasco and the remaining ingredients are not nearly far enough from me to try this out.

it's white wine with shrimp

BEE-BEE-BEAVER BOYS!

I get the reference and it is because I do that I suggest you refrain from making such in the future. People seem not to care for that show.

Yeah I understand, but I don't care.

if i stopped enjoying things people on the internet hated blah blah everyone hates everything you get the drill

Not so much a matter of not enjoying it, but getting lamed to oblivion for referencing it and adding nothing else. People tend to dislike that sort of thing as well.

It's one thing to enjoy something, it's another to not consider your audience.

This is just a shrimp cocktail taken to its (drunken) logical conclusion. Is perhaps most basic idea. I support it wholeheartedly.

Exactly, but you consume it at a classy restaurant and get to feel like a gourmet instead of just a spicy-mouthed drunk.

I posit that many gourmets are in the main spicy mouthed drunks.

While I definitely like it my biggest problem with Sriracha is how astoundingly hot it is. I can barely mix in a tiny dab with food. My reasonably-sized bottle will last me until the end of time.

Man, really? If I'm feeling bored in the kitchen I will literally just eat some. I think the mark of a good chilli sauce is that you can do so.

Meaning that it's at all comestible in its pure form rather than it's a riveting culinary experience, of course.

Maybe I somehow purchased a spicier version or something. I just know that it's hot as the dickins.

Dear hedonismbot,

This comment was the impetus for me to finally get off my ass and go out and buy some cock sauce. And try it. And it was fucking delicious.

We've already discussed this. Because of your overuse of sub-standard hot sauce you can no longer taste anything. Your sense of taste is completely gone.

Destroying it with Tabasco to begin with proves that you never really had much to lose though.

Though Cholula and Tapatio are both great choices if you want a Louisiana-style sauce or just a general one for such as some eggs I must also strongly recommend Crystal.

"Because I was coming over."

I just love these trademark Teodor moments.

Now, this strip is just obscene

fucking, worth the wait. SO worth the wait.

Yeah, serious return to form Chris!

Yep, it's back to where I have no idea if a joke has been perpetrated because everything is implied.

Top notch old chum tally ho

Is it just me or do those shreds of cheese look like the shape of various parts of the United States on a map?

Vermont. Maryland. Possibly South Dakota.

That does sort of look like Maryland, if the Chesapeake Bay wasn't the giant roaring beauty that she is.

Delaware, Maryland, Montana.

I'm seein' Idaho, maybe South Carolina.

DEFINITELY vermont.

[IMGS OFF]
Vermont. Not Delaware.

Naw, it's Maryland
[IMGS OFF]

You're on crack. The contours match almost perfectly with New Hampshire.

What a witty repost, my good man. "You're on crack." Ha. Ha. I mean, what Henny Youngman joke book did you pull that nugget out of?

And I'm on heroin at the moment, which is of course besides the point.

That would be a riposte. A repost is something very different.

Hoist'd on my own petard! I offer my sword, sir.

I found this comment lame, because you care too much about common expressions. "LOL YOU SAID WHATS UP THE ROOF IS UP, STUPID"

It is a common thing which is said. I did not mean it as a witticism.

(To the music of "Goldfinger")

Sarrrr-casm! (wah-wah-wahhh) It's a dangerous ploy/A ploy on the In-ter-net!

'Cause you can't see me wink, the joke's gone oldddd! So damn old!

That's more like (To the music of Dayman).

aaaAAAAaaaah!

Revenge lame.

Ohhhhhhhh. It's on now?

Clockwise from top: New Hampshire, Iowa, Minnesota.

VERMONTVERMONTVERMONTARGGGGG
It can't be Delaware either; it faces the wrong direction.

Dude, I'm from Vermont. That looks like New Hampshire.

I'm from New Hampshire (I really am), and that looks exactly like Vermont. IF you think that looks more like New Hampshire . . then I guess the empire has already won.

Apparently it looks like what Vermont looks like from New Hampshire and like what New Hampshire looks like from Vermont.

Listen.
I will fight this to the death.

That is Vermont. That is Vermont. That is Vermont. Just look at that indentation. I've never seen such a Vermonty looking thing in my life.

At the narrow end, the east and west borders of Vermont are basically parallel. Also, the western border is not at all straight, and there's that hook (island/peninsula) sticking out at the top. Moreover, the western border meets the southern border at about 90 degrees.

The borders of New Hampshire converge pronouncedly, coming more or less to a point at the narrow end. New Hampshire's eastern border is very straight, and there's slight indentation on that side at the wide end. Before the eastern border meets the northern border, the corner is cut off.

The cheese fragment has a very straight edge, with a slight indentation on the corner at the wide end; a pronounced slant of the torn edge toward the narrow end, which comes more or less to a point; and a torn-off corner between the long straight side and the narrow end.

QED

Well, I suppose the sides touching each other would be identical, so we have to look at the straight sides.[IMGS OFF]
I suppose you have a point though.

Now it just looks like neither.

Hey, guys, guess what.

This is literally the most ridiculous argument that I've ever read through in my life.

I literally don't believe that.

the top one is either Alabama or Missouri, Iowa is the one on the right...and i have no idea which the bottom one is. maybe like, NEW New Jersey.

hey guys! which state does this one look like?

[IMGS OFF]

[IMGS OFF]

A state of shock!

rim..
um...
shot.

Oddly enough, I also noticed. EASTER EGG EVERYONE

It was my first thought.

Looks to me like Arkansas, Oregon, and South Carolina.

What does that spell?

ACE

OF

SPADES

It appears you ACED THE STATES labeling quiz in middle school. The midwest messed me up.

dude, the midwest messes everyone up

North Dakota!

FUCK!

I always mix it up with South Dakota!

man, whatever. new england was the worst. having to remember all the capitals of those places was terrible.

(i am glad i do not live there.)

I figured so.
Montpelier, VT, Concord, NH(what a boring town), Bangor, Maine, Hartford CT, Boston MA.

Augusta, ME. But that's okay.

I'd rather Bangor.

(3rd box car)

Bangor? I 'ardly knew 'er!
(Sorry everybody)

Angkor WAT?!

This shows that I didn't go on Wikipedia and cheat. I was unsure about that one. It's probably a rinky-dink one-dunkin-donuts town anyway.

Every town should have five to ten Dunkin' Donuts. They do not count as a part of my life if they do not.

i come from a town that barely has a stop sign.

but has two pizza places. a fire station and a gas station. and an elementary school. and houses.

this is what my town contains.

One yellow blinking light, one pizza place, two corner stores, one gas station, and an elementary/junior high school. And a small arts college of about 50 people. And houses.

Shit, we're from the same town! With the blinking red light at the main intersection where the streets don't meet up.

Frickin' Londonderry. My sister used to work at one of the Londonderry Dunkin's.

I(actually these seniors who got in trouble for making shirts that said this) said it once and I'll say it again: Luck Fondonderry.

You FOOL, Tim Horton all the way

They are only a thing of the Northeast. We do not have them in the Midwest and we do not have them in the West.

Cake doughnuts, it should further be stated, are an abomination. Yeast doughnuts are the true calling.

The line has been drawn. Assetbarbarians... to ARMS!

You are incorrect. We have Dunkin' Donuts here in Oklahoma. Also Texas.

[IMGS OFF]

So they're in the Midwest a little.

Dang man. All you guys in the other half of the country are missing out. Dunkin' Donuts are pretty great!

There was once one in Lawrence, KS, but no longer I am led to believe.

i totally know where all two of them in Denver are. haha.

Yes, we have a great deal of Texas, pretty much everywhere here

Cake muffins are worse.

And if you look at history, you can see that we have health food nuts to blame for that.

That one, lonely Dunkin' Donuts in Oregon? Been there.

Good for you :)

There used to be many here, but all but one (I think the one on South Commercial St. in Salem) have ceased to exist.

Muffins are great, but people who are really into cupcakes? They should be destroyed via the cleansing power of fire.

belgand has disproportionately strong opinions about relatively unimportant things.

You obviously haven't had to suffer through the cupcake fad.

Some people... some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say
There is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of gods grey
Earth as that prince of foods... the muffin!

haha. I was just reading The Importance of Being Earnest.

"They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance."

srsly. even i knew that.

and to clarify my point, i mean rural areas suffer from a toxic interaction of seasonal tourists and redneck trailer park inhabitants plus there being nothing better to do leads to much abuse of prescription pain-killers and drunken driving

If you live in the Midwest you can remember them, but New England with it's millions of tiny little states screws you up. I think this is basically the standard.

Nobody needs to label the South. It is a terrible place and there is no reason to distinguish one horrible section from another.

so lyle's about to get re-involved and the previous strip and this are going to resolve into some magical story arc?

Well duh, Teodor finnaly open the restaurant he always talk about, Lyle is the dishwasher and provide good natured comic relief, Ray is possibly the owner. They serve mostly the dish shown in this strip. Also, Chucklebot rapes a choirboy.

chucklebot?!! we haven't seen him in forevah

Blister too, and Todd is still dead. Some good character need have a serious need of more airtime

I need to correct that brain stutter, also

Maryland, Delaware, Ontario

South Carolina, Montana, Maryland. None of them look ANYTHING like Oregon.

did you mean organs?

Nothing is the shape of Delaware, nothing.

Not even Delaware?

Delaware is a myth.

Delaware is like Interzone, Costaguana, and "The Land of Do-As-You-Please" wrapped up into a tidy ball of antimatter and dog retchings in the heart of the Eastern Seaboard.

A blight on the self-named Delmarva Peninsula.

A blivet* masquerading as a sovereign subnationality of the United States.

Yes, Delaware spoils your milk and makes sheep go infertile. It will steal your grain and host your companies and generally make a Mid-Atlantic nuisance of itself.

And it's the home of Ryan Phillippe, who made Reece Witherspoon cry, the heartless Delawarean bastard.

In short, Delaware should be consigned to the dustbin of history, a failed suzerainty with a failed people.

* All meanings of "blivet" are apt here.

it houses dupont

Man, fuck Reece Witherspoon, Renee Zellwegger is where it is at.

Also Delaware does not have sales tax.

Neither does New Hampshire. Neither do we have a seatbelt law for people over 18.

Live free and Die

CHUBBY! dude, that is a good one. or maybe it's just FRIDAY and i am already gone.

renee is the daughter of a beanbag and a french bulldog

Man you are WRONG about everything today!

I mean, she's not OMFG SEXXXY but she is very classical beautiful (which is a nice way of saying she's not hot but I'd fuck her) and actually a good actress, whereas Reece is horrible and should die basically immediately.

[IMGS OFF]

classical

Man props for you for finding the absolutely worse possible picture of Renee ever. I hope you are proud, you are now TMZ.com

I had many to choose from. be fair, tgh. anyone who has to pull a specific face to be not ugly is just straight up ugly.

How come you can't open your eyes no more, Renee?

Seriously, was it some kind of accident? Are you blind now? How many fingers am I holding up, Renee?

I think I am developing a thing for corpulent women.

Reece Witherspoon was good in Election and I would probably have boned her in that film, though not lost my job and/or significant other over it.

I cannot think of anything else she's done that I do not actively and deeply loathe and feel contaminates our culture, but that was really good. She was good in that.

Wasn't she little red riding hood in Freeway with Keifer Sutherland? I remember thinking that film had merit.

yes.

an interesting take on LRR.. as a 'superhero'.

she needs to be in the next "Gremlins" installment.

Reece Witherspoon is the spitting image of a Mogwai from the moive "Gremlins".

not saying that is good or bad.. but she is a dead ringer for a Mogwai.

Renee Zellwigger is heinous looking. she's as uggo as her last name.

[/b]~ End ~[/b]

I was mainly impressed with how Chris captured the shine and gloss of kraft singles. I've always been fascinated by how "american cheese" is the least cheeselike of all cheeses.

That's because it's barely even cheese. It's fermented and unfermented milk solids, plus emulsifiers. That shit is nasty.

And it's true color is a dull gray

How delightfully wretched.

There was once a real cheese called American cheese, and that cheese was cheddar made in America. Then there was a blend of cheeses meant for ease of melting on such as cheeseburgers. Finally, there is the cheese product sold as singles that is called American cheese today.

But sometimes you should not read Wikipedia. Who the fuck puts cheese on apple pie? I wanted to die without knowing that, thank you very much.

I mean, cheese itself is pretty nasty if you think about it too hard. Why the hell do I want to eat milk that's been acidified and chewed up by a bunch of dang bacteria.

(Answer: I don't.)

Coz' its friggin delicious ?

Cause that's what the bacteria in your gut are going to do, so you save some metabolic energy by eating the pre-digested stuff.

Cause honey is pretty much the same deal, and so is bread except the cooking kills off the yeast (and bacteria for sourdough).

Cause the best steaks are aged, meaning they're hung up to rot for a while before being served.

Cause there's more microbial cells in your body than human cells.

Don't forget left out to mold for months, or sometimes even years, that's the part that really makes it awesome.

Yeah, well, most of the cheddar cheese sold in America is such mild bullshit that it doesn't deserve the name. Who in the fuck even buys "mild cheddar"? Are you afraid of flavor? I had to buy some overpriced sharp cheddar at the corner store the other day to simply go on some burgers and balance out the bacon and it most definitely was not at all sharp.

I'm havin' to go to raw milk XX-Sharp cheeses and such just to try and find something that will taste even vaguely sharp.

If most Americans ever tasted a proper, slightly crumbly cave-aged real cheddar they would likely shit themselves in fear and excitement combined to the degree that it would kill them.

Costco carries Cabot extra sharp, aged 24 months or 3 years, plus some genuine Irish and English stuff that's too sweet, if you ask me. Anyway, it's like $4 a pound, maybe less. Most any full-sized supermarket has a "fancy cheese" section, but they're always overpriced, $8 a pound or more. The price differential on the cheese alone pays the Costco annual membership fee for me.

I don't know where to find the cave-aged stuff, but I do know there's several places in Vermont that make it. I think you have to go to the cave personally to get it, though. Cheese spelunking!

There's a great cheese shop a bit up the street from me. It's pricier, of course, but they give great advice, copious samples, carry great cheeses, and they make some damn fine sandwiches as well.

Trader Joe's is also a generally very good place to get good cheeses cheap. Not to mention a local co-op which, despite being entirely vegetarian (they check all the food they sell... they're that kind of place, the kind that gives you a discount if you ride your bike there and also has a fueling station for fryer oil), has an excellent cheese section.

I leave in a region know for it's cheese, with 2 (Le Ciel and Le Migneron) won the provincial prize.

I live in a region known for caring about fine food.

I do not drink wine, but if I did I might have some things to say regarding this.

Maybe that's why we don't have sharp cheddar in America!

Cheese that makes you shit yourself to death is impossible to market.

Is there any topic, any at all, upon which you are unwilling to pontificate?

Oh belgand, you ARE a mouthful!

Belgand! You BLOWHARD.

Not really, no. I am a man of opinions. I have rarely had the concept flit through my head "I have no opinion on this". Almost never.

The true bad-ass speaks only in declarations. He has no in-between. No room for indecision. He is a man of choices.

The true bad-ass cannot declare himself so. It must be observed by a third part since a true bad-ass doesn't care about the title.

Not unlike the Heisenberg uncertainty principle; you can either know where you are going, or what you are. (A bad-ass knows where he's going.)

I am most definitely not a bad-ass. But it is a unequivocal fact that this is the way of the bad-ass.

The uncertainty principle is very apt. This is one of the main reasons why it is unwise to get in the way of bad-asses. They know where they are going, it will be through you if you happen to impede their passage. They cannot quantum tunnel.

You are at least half right in this instance.

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe they are just random torn bits of cheese, and not supposed to look like states.

Absolutely not.

You're a loony.

I find chocolate often ruins the flavor of many things. I like it by itself, though. Not on vanilla ice cream, however.

I like chocolate on steaks.

See, you say that and people flip out. You say "A hanging tender enhanced with a deep Mole rub" and they give you lots of money.

I would pay lots of money to get someone dressed as a mole to deeply rub what I got hanging. Tenderly.

For some reason this reminds me of Electric Mayhem doing Nat King Cole's Tenderly in the first season of The Muppet Show.

The evening breeze,
caressed the trees,
TENDERLY!

I went to this chocolate festival last weekend, where along with the normal confections there were things like chicken empanadas with spicy chocolate sauce. extremely weird, but not disgusting.

Also apparently one of the local candy shops around here invented chocolate covered bacon.

I'm pretty sure chocolate covered bacon is one of those things like fire and the wheel. It's so awesome it was discovered many places simultaneously.

Once I craved nachos. But I had no tortilla chips or queso. So I tried to make nachos by microwaving Wheat Thins and muenster cheese.

It was pretty awesome in a nauseating, soul-destroying way.

My sister microwaves pepperjack on saltines.

Then she deserves whatever's coming to her.

If any of you food nerds come near my cheese I will knee you in the balls you'll wish you didn't have

Tekende is right. She deserves me

Thank you, I was hoping it would somehow be said that you were what was coming to her.

yes 'to' her

I am always here to help you out. Even if I was kinda suddenly calling you bisexual lower on the page

Muenster is such an odd cheese.

Oh, and migas are the ultimate dish.

Who you callin a dish white boy?

Fact! I sometimes like to eat black bean tortilla chips topped with chunky peanut butter and aged cheddar cheese (it needs to be those things exactly). Few people understand why this is so tasty.

That actually sounds a little good...but I think I would eventually go back to good ol' refried beans.

I'm glad Ray's flow chart still works.

Getting better. But I'm still not convinced that Achewood is going in the right direction. Argue if you must; I know where my loyalty lies.

I love that moment (panel 7) when Ray realises that torn kraft singles on round tortilla chips is no class and he just leaps into the bullshit with both feet, and T of course lets him run with it.

Like Hanna-Barbara no class.

People always talk about stuff like that on Assetbar, like figuring out that someone's bullshitting or there's some ulterior motive to something. I never catch on to that but I think you're right here. I should get better at analyzing my comixxx.

Do not dial that final word into Google. You will not appreciate who picks up at the other end.

I only like webcomics where someone's face gets ejaculated on in the last panel. I just tolerate Achewood.

premium content

Daaang.

do you get more chubbies per page if you are a premium user

hohoho.

Ray is totally doing a Roast Beef here.
I tried to make some kind of humorous edit of this comic to point out all the depressing panels, but then it was all of them.

I love how Achewood can be interpreted in many different ways. I am obviously a novice in this area; I only see Ray discovering something obvious yet amazing.

Yeah, it's kinda weird, he seems uncharacteristically muted for some reason. Maybe it's the "You never call" bit and the fact that he's Ray but he's eating pieces of slices of cheese on crackers. Seemed a bit off for a minute.

He's gotta be stoned, right? That's what I figured, to be eating that.

nah, he doesn't have the telltale "squinty stoner" lines on his eyes

10 observation points.

OUT OF ONE-HUNDRED

burn-alley-oop

No one ever got higher than 11 though.

Right! Good call.

The "You never call" part completely threw me off. I could barely comprehend the rest of the strip because I was so concerned about Ray.

yeah, the first few panels had me ready for something bad to have just happened or ray to totally flip out on t for some reason

I have no idea what is going on in the last row of panels but I like it.

Teodor is furiously scrambling eggs. Ray is furiously pulling out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.

No, it is finding itself into his hand.

They are getting their Braveheart faces on.

[IMGS OFF]

This would be a perfect evening.

I actually can't decide if it is a perfect movie choice for the evening, because of the awesomeness of Braveheart, or a very poor one, because any proper Braveheart drinking would have you finish the bottle of blue label within the first 47 minutes of the flick. The only way to preserve the bottle would be to drink every time someone's limb didn't get chopped off, and that is not a fun thing to celebrate at all.

if it wasn't happening at one in the morning

This might actually be my favorite achewood strip.

The "12:54 am" is very important I think.

First couple of panels seems strange, almost unnecessary, but it finishes strong I think. THUS ENDS MY CRITIQUE OF THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF ACHEWOOD.

It is a strange time to be eating crackers and cheese.

It is the perfect time to be eating crackers and cheese.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

It's the only time to eat crackers and cheese.

no...at 8:03 post meridian, when you arrive at a party, is the most proper time to get some hormel on pepperidge farm action goin' on...but this time is good too.

in fact, i'ma gruffle some sargento/safeway select biz. posthaste.

Go easy with that Latin, you might throw your back out.

Name the next RHCP album etc etc

8:03 Post Meridian would be a pretty okay album title.

It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. Naturally, it all depends on which cheese and crackers.

The best of times
Are when I'm eating cold nachos with you
Some rain, some shine
We'll make this a world for chilaquiles

Home

Members

Comments

Archive

My Profile

My Comments

Highest Rated

Most Commented

Most Viewed