Antiques Road Show

Antiques Road Show 11/09/2001 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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I think people finding out their crap isn't worth anything on Antiques Roadshow is the saddest thing.

Taking pain medication and watching Antiques Roadshow is possibly the most soothing activity. Ever since Bob Ross died.

Finding a dead body with a wrench in his head on Antiques Roadshow is the saddest thing.

People finding out that their crap is on Antiques Roadshow on Law and Order is the saddest thing.

Well, maybe they should. Hush!

I would watch Antiques road show religiously if I knew there was a secret rerun that appeared only one in every 1000 airings in which a man was killed with a wrench

There's a wide variety of shows and advertisements that could improve with dead bodies or brutality.

Like one would be a commercial with a brutal fight between these two guys, all Bourne identity gritty handheld action, and one guy is slamming the other's head up against the corner of the wall, his eyes all rolling back in his head, and then he slams him into the toilet. The man struggles, screaming, but the attacker keeps striking his head, holding him down, crimson blossoming through the toilet bowl water from his face...

The struggling stops. The victor holds him down longer, then steps back, breathing heavily, streaked in blood.

Then he grins real big, looks right at the camera, picks his right knee up and holds an imaginary glass and HE'S GOT A LITTLE CAPTAIN IN HIM

CAPTAIN MORGAN'S SPICED RUM

drink responsibly

Damn.

That deserves more chubbies than it has been awarded.

That is hard.

That is COMPLETELY RAW.

That

is

RUUUUUUUDE

So I just tried to give this comment a chubby, again, not realizing that I did that the last time I read through all of the Achewood archives. Well done, sir. Good show.

I love this strip

How much could a dead person with a wrench in his head go for?

I dunno, check "EBay Platinum Reserve".

good one

It depends. Is it a Neo-Victorian gold-filigreed wrench originally used by Andrew Carnegie?

depends on how old he is

Phillipe has excellent posture.

And a complete inability to change his facial expression.

Call on meeeeeeeeee!

Antiques Roadshow Guy with ponytail and flippant shirt: "This wrench was actually one of the first made by Craftsman select. Were it any other wrench, this would only bring about $100 at auction. Luckily, due to the nature of the wrench and the fact that this guy is a descendent Zachary Taylor, this would bring between four and five-thousand dollars at auction."

Underwhelmed White Woman: "Oh, my! Thank you!"

i was totally picturing this entire scene in my head.

There was a kid in my fifth-grade class who was a descendant of Zachary Taylor. Unless puberty really, really changed him I could see him getting whacked from blunt-force trauma involving a wrench.

(Or at least a bad encounter with cherries.)

I'm picturing Zachary Ty Brian

My avatar is Zachary Quinto.

Sorry..I tried.

I read it too quickly the first time around and thought you said "Jonathan Taylor"

That would have been better, personally, for me as I enjoy the image of Jonathan Taylor Thomas with a wrench in his head.

the REAL series finale of Home Improvement

i swear i posted before I saw your post. see above.

Excellent post by the way, the use of 'flippant' just kinda took me out of the moment.

End BBcode butchery.

A dick about terms.

Grammar Nazi? Well, you're not the diction police.

I wish one L&O episode would open with Antiques Roadshow...then they find a body inside a set of old vases or something.

An old woman innocently brings in a set of antique Russian nesting dolls to be appraised.. BUT A HORRIBLE SECRET IS DISCOVERED INSIDE

... and they spend the next hour making that secret as boring and litigiously well-defined as possible.

I love your avatar.
The only scary thing about a one-armed man trying to scare someone is the fact that he feels that his one arm is only good for trying to scare somebody.

They could find an antique dead person with a wrench in his head.

This dead person with a wrench in his head, if sold at auction, would fetch over six hundred million dollars.

Gotta give you a chubby, because the bold absolutely makes that, and no editing often makes me chicken out of using formatting.

I first read that as "no ending makes me chuckle out of using formatting." When I started to read it correctly it really confused me for a while. Man I want to go home now.

That's gotta be the worst acting gig in New York . . . the dead person before the credits roll on Law and Order. You don't even get 15 full minutes of fame.

nor do you speak, so you ain't get no fucking sag card either,

C H U M P

just yesterday, i told my friend that every single episode of Law and Order starts the same way: 1. person or group of people is walking or doing something. 2. they stumble upon a somewhat hidden corpse. 3. one of them mutters "oh my god..." under their breath. 4. it cuts to a scene of the coroner explaining the death.

By contrast, CSI always begins with a scene set to a rock song in which someone dies or is running from a murder scene or murderer. Usually something very bizarre is going on. Then the CSI field guys examine the scene. The autopsy usually does not occur until after the first commercial break.

You forgot the horrific pun about the manner of death.

This corpse leaves me... wrenching in my throat!

The killer really threw a wrench in this guy's plans.

(Removes sunglasses)

(cut to shot of David Caruso and a cast of pretty people doing things one would do in Miami, like airboating and sunbathing, while The Who plays over the opening credits)

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH bum bum bum I WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN!!!!

"Cause of death was blunt force trauma to the base of the skull. The weapon was a an adjustable pipe wrench. Guy was dead before he hit the floor."

Lennie Briscoe turns around as Ed Green looks on.

"Poor guy wrenched his occipital lobe."

Fade to black.

WHERE THE FUCK IS WALLACE, STRING? HE HAS MY WRENCH.

Way dooown in the hole...

oh, this is so sweet.

I got a signed copy of this strip.

This perfectly summarizes my own inner conflict. (people happy forever vs. people dead with wrenches in their heads)

That last panel is really all this comic needs.

I want to take a rusty spatula I grabbed out of my kitchen drawer and have them tell me it's from Kmart.

I bet PBS's rating would go through the roof if they found that snooty blonde lady with a wrench in her head on the show. Like in an old steamer case. Maybe if they were all nude? Naked Antiques Roadshow?
I am not sure if I would want to watch.

Just ONCE could they find a headless corpse in the hand carved early American hope chest that they found in the back of their dead mother's ratty old cottage??

Law & Order: SAWVU (Special Antique Wrench Victims Unit)

It is telling that my ex-wife would also shush me when Law & Order came on.

and then flip me off...

oh yeah expellens, you're gonna end up someday with a wrench in your head, I can just tell...

Both shows speak to my soul in a low whisper; they speak to me of immutability, of inevitability, stale air in a tiny chamber, the gaoler changes your water, stares at you through the bars.

This jug may be worth as much as four dollars and a receipt for tampons.

First "Dammit-Achewood-made-me-laugh-in-an-innapropriate-situation" Achewood.

So I guess back in the day nobody had facial expressions.

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