Abraxas

Abraxas 01/14/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

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Are those buck teeth hanging over your collar, Teodor?

I'm glad you got the corrective surgery out of the way in your youth.

I imagine Weeodor has a cute lil' lisp to go with the cute lil' buck teeth.

"Nishe!"

Genius, and you beat me to it.

Holy mother of God. What the hell did you do to the formatting on this comment, Manflesh?

That is ruthless. That is a ruthless deed.

I'm glad to see that Mark Z. Danielewski's new book is coming along nicely.

Chubbied, as I am in the middle of reading Only Revolutions. Trying to read, anyway. As I'm reading, the right side of my brain is yelling at the left side to start enjoying this, while the left side is calling the right one a pretentious cocksucker.

Also, I am one of the biggest Dr. Manflesh fans out there, but this is getting old. Will it become funnier as he does this to the next five strips as well, or will it become gradually un-funnier? Discuss.

I think it would be funnier if he changed to a different fanfic. You know, mix it up a little. But I think the important thing is this: Manflesh doesn't care whether anyone finds it funny or not. He's not doing this for the glory, the infamy or even the chubbies. The man is on a Mission.

Oh Manflesh, you scallywag.

horatio's just pissed someone else took his joke first. "kidney bean stuck in urethra" has nothing to do with this comic.

what the fuck, man?

seriously, what the fuck

This is art.

You sir, are the Phillip Glass of prose

Okay so I am a Manflesh supporter to the end but seriously this is the worst thing you have ever done.

manflesh, dude, you're an idiot

Perhaps that is what Lie Bot was referring to?

For some reason I can't stop seeing it as a priest or minister's collar. The dude got through seminary college pretty quick, it would seem.

This post is a wonder of human engineering. It is like the Nazca lines of the internet.

That was meant to be in reply to dr. manflesh's epic. I'm too tired tonight.

how is this marked as spam twice and yet manflesh is marked as spam zero?

"may ye who is sinless cast the first stone."

no...no that still doesn't explain anything..

It is manflesh, or it is nobody.

You should read (or at least scan) the other messages before posting... Someone already posted this image, many hours before you did.

I usually try to, but sometimes when a thought comes to mind I don't feel like scanning through all six hundred comments to make sure it's 100 percent original. Besides, this entire board could be replaced by a perpetual flow of this image and be more worthwhile in the end. Wait, now that I investigate a bit I see that you are either a very thoughtful troll or an annoyingly over-opinionated neophyte. Either way, and with all due respect (if, in fact, any is due), calm yourself. There are far more grievous offenses to watchdog on this board.

Also, fuck you. I forgot that part.

...because I don't have spam marking privileges.

FYI, the buck teeth are part of the Chris Ware pastiche. This whole strip is recent Ware:
-1970s/childhood nostalgia
-warm 1970s colors and graphic design including typography
-simplified, round shapes
-buck teeth

Chubby for research so fat I wanna slap it and watch it jiggle.

all this 'ness from the 70's...Boards of Canada in script form..?

i must Discover this.

Ware's influences become weirdly apparent in Achewood. Christ Ware is an avid ragtime fan, and plays both piano and banjo, much like a certain Achewood character...

I hate to be the one to inform you of this, but Mr Ware is neither anointed nor the messiah for a large segment of humanity's population.

And thus, the cycle of Onstand is complete, expressing his hubris via an almost Oediopain prophecy, onto the jagged expressionist shores of a lonely island of html. Truly, this is the core of man. The admission of pornographic dependency amidst a sea of lonely desperation, denotes the greatness of a man thus emasculated, and bent upon an unholy pornographic conundrum. Should you grok the human experience contained herein, you should surely consider yourself enlightened and embittered both, for the jewels of the day are fair, but the jewels of the evening are fairer still.

Wait what?

the reason I couldn't have that jane's addiction album was the reason i wanted it

in the last two seconds, natch

That was back when their albums had boss music on them, too.

Instead of DRM that would not let me play the CD in any CD player, except my old crappy Discman. And comin all bundled with a special DVD that turned out to be a lame, 30-minutes Jane's Addiction infomercial with a main theme of "Look how hard we are trying to show you we used to be boss." Dave Navarro was better when he played guitar music, and kept out of my face with his faux-rageous Hollywood worse-onality crapitude.

(I am sorry about my rant)

Dave Navarro - a rock and roll worst-itute.

I meant to Chubbie your post and Lamed it by accident. I feel like I stepped on a kitten.

I chubbied the shit out of it for you.

I accidentally stepped on my kitten one time. He made a really horrible noise.

He was okay, though. Just scared.

Sometimes I run over my dogs tail when I move in my swivel chair.

I feel like a bastard anyway...

I feel like my dog purposefully lays behind my swivel chair for the express purpose of being run over and making me feel bad, thereby earning him sympathy and extra affection.

how pavlovian of him.

My parents drape this big blanket over one of our living room chairs, and my cat Tobi always sleeps under it. Back when i was in 7th grade, and still unaccustomed to my then-kitten's mannerisms, i went to sit in that chair and accidentally sat on her.

I felt so awful.

ahahaha.

Someone needs to link that picture on here (I suck with BBcode) so everyone knows what he's talking about. The album is called Nothing's Shocking.

I remember feeling really kind of nervous walking up to the cashier and paying for it, as the cashier was a lady of about my age.

Now with visual Aids:
[IMGS OFF]

when you said jane's addiction i thought of this one:
[IMGS OFF]

You are wrong. I was given this album by an uncle when I was like 10, so it was one of my first "real" albums, thus I remembered it when Jane's Addiction was mentioned. I was just pointing out they had another cover with the same theme. I guess I'm a real pervert.

Just havin' a laugh, man. I think everyone had some uneasy boners when they were ten.

conceded.

luckily, i didn't!

I forget that there are still some people out there (and maybe a majority of them) who consider "boners" to be something only boys get.

oh no, it's just that i'm unnaturally pure and innocent.

I remember buying Ritual de lo Habitual in college. When the album was first released, there were two versions of the cover art: the naughty version and a plain white cover imprinted with the text of the First Amendment. Not wanting to oppress the band or deny it's creative freedom, I felt compelled to buy disc with the three sculptures. And besides, I was in a hip and open-minded independent record store, and the staff there would surely think me a hypocrite if I chose the 1st Amendment cover and thus rejected the pornocover. I proudly walked up to the cashier and presented my selection. She glared at me with a piercing stare that said, "Pervert! You know very well that this is available with a respectable cover." That glare haunts me to this day.

O Lyfe! Yourn choice giveth opportunities! Squandereth all for the worse! No hope for a Better day arises...

If you want real Jane's Addiction schlock, check out the movie "Gift." In one particular scene, they feature the real-life sculptures that comprise the album art from both Nothing Shocking and Ritual De Lo Habitual.

The rest of the movie is a montage of songs from these 2 albums and a melancholy love tale of Perry & his supposed late wife. There's even a live performance of "Don't call me N****, Whitey" guest-starring Ice T, if I recall, but it's been about 15 years since I last saw it.

The kicker? The movie has only ever been available on VHS. However, this is the antithesis of irony, considering the nostalgia theme of the above-featured strip.

Happy Amazon/E-bay hunting!

Guest starring Blockatiel.

What just happened here?

It's sad enough when kids make up invisible friends, but invisible enemies?

Stop sullying the reputation of my goat.

I do believe that is a llama. For a proper goat, please refer to my avatar. You can trust me on this because I'm a biologist.

Well, it was a reference to a much earlier comment, which reference was only really supposed to be funny for me. But I'm glad someone is looking out.

It would seem that Mr. Onstad made a new year's resolution to tell us more about teodor's past, and to do so in color; if not, he's got a funny way of showing it. does that fact that "pass it on" is in reverse mean that we are, in fact, supposed to do the opposite of pass it on? are we supposed to keep marlene's actions a secret?

ah yes

That is one boss-looking record player.

HONESTLY.

S'TRUTH!

That is one boss-looking avatar. Given their purpose to warn opposing crew that they're about to board and plunder (with symbols of death and time running out, etc) what is the purpose of that particular Jolly Roger?

"Warning: we're all tanked like fully 24/7. I don't know how we made it this far into sea, to be honest."

I've never really understood the purpose of the Jolly Roger. Why would pirates want to alert their victims to their impending doom? Surely it would make more sense to lure in their prey by flying a flag emblazoned with the words "Fire Sale" or "Whore Ship: Massive Discounts"

Actually, they sorta did. They'd tail a ship for a while, deduce whether it was worth plunderin', all the while flying an allied flag to it. Then at the last second, oh shit! Up comes the Roger! Fuck me, they're pirates, everybody get ready, shit shit SHIT! But the pirates'd already be ready to board, then jump on and hopefully scare the crap outta them with shock and awe tactics that the other crew'd give up without a fight.
They even had wee little hand grenades - those little black round ones you see on cartoons.

There ya go. "Whore Ship: Massive Discounts" would be a better choice, though, you're right.

Your little pirate story was so exciting, I think I might have to change my previously firm stance on the whole Pirates vs Ninjas thing.

Chubbied for edutainment.

I've always been on the Pirate side of that arguement... mainly because I'd much prefer drinking rum over sake any day of the week.

you know, when Steven Segall kills a ninja, he only uses it's skin. Chuck Norris uses every part of the ninja

it seems to me that their decreasing numbers are definitely the issue. however...i am confused by the x-axis...

What a sneaky x-axis!

I can tell I probably won't figure out what he could mean by "closing the laptop of my mind."

"whew that's done i can finally rest easy"

I had this exact experience when I was about 13. Same album and everything.

Mine was the tits on EC Was Here.

I feel this is actually Chris opening up to us, with Teodor as conduit.

I had this feeling as well

After considering that shit with the duck, it seems as though Teodor has had some Circumstances of his own, though they're considerably milder than Beef's.

Also, consider. Consider? Consider, consider. Consider, in the end, that this was considerably considered.

Here endeth the lesson in word choice.

Peoples on this board so concerned about their writing. I meant to chubbie you but I snrrg'd you instead (put my mouth over your nose and sucked as hard as I could).

W...what?

why would you even do that

It's clear now that my social upbringing did not supply me with the instructions on how to respond to getting snrrg'd.

jesus did anyone's?

Of course not! This is where the entertainment in snrrg'ing lies.

The word has lost all meaning.

Consider.

Uh huh huh... "spam box"

My father did not have a record collection like this.

He says that his mother threw out all his records when he was away at college.

Some people buy records while in college!

He's hiding em man. Interrogate him asap.

Teodor also wonders where Marlene is now. If she's being true to herself, well, we know what's happening.

Chubbied for minimalism.

yesterday and today has involved naked chicks/getting his wiener sucked on. Ain't nothin emo stylez about either of these things

You make a good point.

Also, if you don't mind my asking, is that you in your avatar pic?

you cad, you!
(as a side note, i have been wondering the same thing)

why do you ask

Out of curiosity.

ok yeah it is

Okay cool that is awesome thanks

I'd tell you you're cute but I think that by this point that might be pretty creepy

This is only a dramatization of me in my avatar pic because I am only a face and am typing this with my eyelids

Also this is my first time using BBcode so I hope to zombie Jesus that I do it right ok here goes

INTERWEBZ PREDATORZ!!!

It started at creepy, moved to dissembling, and now the meter reads "bashful, kind of creepy nerd talking to cute chick on the Internet and trying to hide (very unsuccessfully) that this was always about him thinking she was cute, if that was really her."

Sorry, that's what it says. It's one of those multi-meters, but it's the high-end one.

That's me in my avatar.

It leads to a lot of problems.

Vigilantes?

You were better off running around the London underground shouting, "Dinsdale!"

I'm considering changing it again... The whole Joker thing feels a little stale.

There. That should set just the tone I need for all my comments.

Heh heh heh.

This is a given. I was never held any illusions it would seem otherwise. I just wanted to point out that I knew how it looked.

I'm really bad at this sort of thing but will you please be my Internet Girlfriend?

I would give you a chubby for that, but alas, I have no more.

don't we have to go on a few e-dates before I can decide

He doesn't really love you! He's just using you to get to Noam Chomsky!

I'd use just about anyone if it meant getting to Noam Chomsky! Mmm Geriatrically Delicious!(And paranoid to boot!)

Okay, lemme rev up the e-my-mom's-volvo so I can take you to the e-movies. Can I e-cop an e-feel?

I'm going to stop this. It is wrong.

It just feels wrong to give you a chubby in this context, but sometimes, doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do.

Not to rain on your sass parade, but I'm pretty sure "insatiable" is not the word you're looking for there

Insatiable is the new ironic.

"Thank you for thinking I am cute when I am reduced to a 50x50 pixel representation of myself."

When you said that, I knew that 50x50 is far too small. This is, after all, your internet cuteness at stake here.

[IMGS OFF]

Much better.

"Thank you for enlarging me to a 300x300 pixel framework of artifacting jagged color-shapes. Mr. Chomsky, I'm ready for my closeup."

god that is so weird I feel so uncomfortable jesus christ.

I felt uncomfortable just reading this thing

I AM SORRY ABOUT THIS
BLARGHAMAGARKY

IT'S... IT'S OK IT'S NOT REALLY YOUR FAULT

THE INTERNET IS KIND OF A CRAZY PLACE SOMETIME

YOU WERE JUST BEING A NICE GUY I THINK
TEKENDE

YEAH I WAS
THANKS

jesus why

Hey look! Achewood ITSELF is telling us something! Heh, it's even a cat for the avatar. That's kinda clever actually.

Fuck you. Have the balls to tell them to shut up yourself or stay the hell out of it.

Achewood is correct. This conversation is asinine and all parties share equal amounts of the blame for it. I don't think that poster is a sock puppet, I think the strip itself temporarily gained sentience in order to put a stop to this jackassery, and we would do well to heed it because there are few things more boring on the internet than what we're looking at here.

repost

you put your picture as your avatar

this was not the kind of response you were anticipating?

and nude bardot comes in with the Logic!

It would not be wrong to compliment you for having a good sense of humor, so why is it an affront to compliment you for being attractive? Your looks are element of yourself (and one that you intentionally put on display on the internet), and to compliment them is a completely valid thing to do.

Someone telling you they think you're cute is not someone saying that your cuteness is the most important thing about you. It's just something they noticed about you, and something that most people are happy to hear about themselves. If someone you knew told you they liked your shirt, would you act like they'd implied that your taste in clothes is your defining aspect? I'm guessing not.

man the internet is so silly

now I am dressed as prince

thanks everyone for thinking I am pretty

Standard-Image Llama says: "Anytime."

[IMGS OFF]

Is-Is it wrong that I prefer you with the prince mustace and goatee?

I must do some soul searching on this.

Hey listen. I'm sorry I just got lady-angry at you. That was pretty uncalled for, I mean. You were just trying to be nice. I think you're pretty cute too.

Still a bitter blow to a young man's ego. And hilarious because of such.

I would also tell you that I think you're cute, 'cause I do, but I doubt you'd really appreciate the compliment. Seeing as that's really me in my avatar pic as well.

burn in hell rapist clown

PS what is sarcasm

I for one am glad he asked if that was you, and glad you answered, and here's why:

a) I think people have a natural curiosity about what people they communicate with look like. This curiosity is enhanced in this case because your avatar might actually be a photo of you, in a way that a panda driving a go-kart that assetbar assigned at random is not.

2) It's fun to contemplate that there are interesting, attractive people around that share at least one (albeit trivial) common interest.

c) That was a pretty choice rant.

Wicked good blog-themed avatar. And a wicked good assessment of this entire fandangle.

I commend your logic

jesus can we end this please now.

h: Many of us subconsciously judge others by their looks, even those of us who know better.

%u062E :Except sometimes you really can tell what someone is like from how they look, or rather from how they tend to hold their facial muscles.

42) I personally think the mustache looks quite dashing.

People intelligent enough to be pretentious are almost as common as people attractive enough to be vain. No judgment is passed about anyone here (although I am both pretentious and vain). People who are both rock.

Apparently BBcode does not allow the use of arabic characters. Quel Dommage

I think you're a cross dresser. AWESOME.

The Internet is a place for a man / To put a picture of himself dressed as a lady

Sir Tekende, I stand in awe. Bravo, monsieur, Bravo. This is not even the slightest bit sarcastic. I am in earnest. Bravo.

I...okay. Thanks.

i think this is the most fun i've had reading achewood comments yet, oddly enough. it was a little weird, but kind of cute too. and i think everyone involved is, when it comes down to it, a good hearted person.

IT'S LIKE ACHEWOOD!

I was just thinking the same thing earlier today, sometime after I enlarged my own avatar. Not only this discussion, but the myriad discussions above and below it are some pretty top-notch stuff. Good work, Acheworld!

off topic but yay Subtle!

I think this technically makes you a king...?

Stalking purposes, almost assuredly.

I believe it was on another message board that Achewood readers were profiled as hot nerd girls and associated perverts.

I am glad that we are staying true to our roots.

Oh, so you're either ne or the other? Sweet! Now I just have to learn to program a computer, and my path to hot nerd-girliness will be complete!

I think it would be easier to become a pervert.

well, for our gender, at least.

also just plain more fun

Hellshit, I'm away for 12 hours and you bastards go gettin' all Acheworldian-incestuous. Although, yes, it is a cute picture you're rockin' there. But I find the linguistic and geeky leanings even more attractive. My wife is a theologian and a guitarist and freakishly tall, which more than satiates my desire for the suchlike.

Also, I've been thinking of changing my avatar, as it's getting old and I believe it may cause unwanted seizures to viewers when I post multiple times in succession. But what would I change it to?

For me it only causes the seizures that I want, so it's cool.

You want seizures? Is it a thing for you?

You're gettin' off on having seizures, but whatever. No cookies for you.

I was really just goofing on the phrase "unwanted seizures." I would miss your avatar if you changed it.

i concur, good sir. i may save it to my computer so i will have it with me always until...i don't.

The two categories of "Hot Nerd Girl" and "Pervert" are by no means mutually exclusive, unlike the consumer bases of McDonalds and Starbucks

There is a (small) intersection in each case. I am in one of the intersections and not in the other intersection.

If you have any pictures of yourself dressed as prince, please use that. We could start a movement.

Ash dressed as Prince? Never seen that!

Please do not change your avatar, Doctor. I have too much respect for Ash.

I am a villain.

True, Rowboat, but a fine villain, such as the likes of Kurtz and Beatty.

I like achewood a lot

do you like achewood?

No.

I like Achewood.

To my defense, the "Fuck you for saying that" which I myself posted was directed purely toward a sock puppet and not toward anyone else in the conversation. They annoy me no end, and my burning anger toward them shall not cease, as I find saying things under an anonymous guise to be the height of internet cowardice. Oh that's right, you heard me, I'm claiming there to be a certain type of chivalry on the interweb. I said it.

Well damn you guys I guess it is up to me as the person who now has the self-proclaimed mantle as the most polarizing figure on assetbar to pull the curtain to a close on the Saga of the Attractive Female Achewood Fan's Avatar. We had us some raw laughs and our eyes dripped water that when you taste them makes you go Ugh and yeah that is a thing and all but that is not the only thing. We earned us the diplomas of real ass chochachos by learning rad lessons such as these:

(1) When you play with the internet, you're gonna get burned
(2) When you internet, you make an ass out of you and me
(3) Only you can prevent internet

If your punk ass has another lesson you learned and you would like to share it send it via postcard to:

Shut The Fuck Up falseprophet Just Because You Wrote That NPR Thing Does Not Make You The New Referee Of The Bad Ass Games
c/o Postmodernism
P.O. Box 10211
Walla Walla, WA 39890

We will try to read as many as we can on next week's show but I don't even know if that is a real address to which you can go there are no guarantees in life you got to put gravy on your own mashed potatoes

All succulent and sweet like the titty milk of Australian pygmy women

Cold fillin you up with tryptophan and teaching you why you should not make fun of people with nepotism Just because they have different beliefs about sleep does not mean you should make fun of nepotists dogg

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound

See you next week Okay love you Bye bye

P.S. Some of you may be wondering why I said nepotism when the correct word in English is actually narcolepsy I was just trying to get you guys used to using that word because in the New Jerusalem all the words are changed and that is the one that got me on the test Yeah

oh god shut up

drskradley, any utterance you made to the effect of "Fuck you for saying that" is purely coincidental. You needn't defend yourself at this time. That is all.

HOLY SHIT DRSKRADLEY IS THAT YOU

I DIDN'T RECOGNISE YOU FOR A SECOND THERE

One may notice that our young protagonist has no legs. This is, of course, because he is in the process of growing them out of his mouth.

The expression of that feeling in the last panel moved me to post.

Man, totally.

I don't care if this current style he's in is a little bit of a rip, it holds truth in it and that's all that really matters in life.

Also I have faith that if Onstad keeps doing a few like this it'll come into its own and become a thing.

Yes.

Honestly, I think his art style has always been a bit derivative of Ware's.

Consider this Ware piece from 2002.

The panel-headers saying "Hence" and "Consequently" gave it away for me.

I got an email that solved all my problems once. It didn�t closed the laptop of my mind, just instaled Windows XP in it... Well, at least it's better than the Windows ME that my mind had...

OSX4EVA

Havin Windows XP in your mind is not so bad I think Ray though has Leopard in him he is so easy to read all syncing his iPod with his iTunes cold surfing through life on Safari the simplest browser of all Women though they are mentally like Linux You walk down the street and look at the wrong woman with the rudest titties next thing you know you got to go to the command line ...

...Disk 1 of 6.

Chubby for the excellent job on the NPR thing. Funny how the comments there read just like our dear AssetBar.

I extend mad gratitude to you dogg. Sorry for my apparent chubby deficiency today.

Better than the operating system created by fat people

Or Jeff Goldblum.

As long as everyone's on about avatars, what the fuck is going on in yours, ruster2000? I see two guys with a woman in the middle, and it looks like their giving her a bad haircut while team-choking a pink bunny.

That should be "they're giving her a bad haircut." Duh.

This all feels very ominous to me.

I think you can learn a lot from your father by looking at his old record collection.

I learned that my father wasn't cool even then.

Around age 6 I pulled out Talking Heads: 77 for its intensely bright cover.

Real quote from my sister yesterday: "Dad was upset, but he wasn't so upset that he didn't slip me some weed."

My parents are the coolest in town.

That made me sad for reasons I can't really put into words right now.

It is so cool that your father is helping his daughter develop a horrible weed problem.

do you think it is rad to (blah blah blah)?

Weed problem?

Weed is addictive

Like italics.

parents helping their kids do illegal things is not cool, ever. sorry.

The hell I've gotten lazy at reading these strips. I actually convinced myself on the first read-through that it was Todd in the panel with T�odor looking through the record shelf.

Way to fart in the elevator, cognitive faculties.

The sheer mastery of your comment is only amplified by drunkenness.

Reminds me of the first time I raided my parents record collection. Among the old Bruce Springsteens and Electric Light Orchestras I found a copy of "Whipped Cream and Other Delights". God I love that album cover.

i concur.

What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something?

Ha, I totally read that as "Denise". Replace "retarded" with "crappin'", and the illusion is complete.

All Star Batman would have been so much cooler if Bats had called Robin Denise and accused him of crapping.

I appear to have been lamed for insulting the good doctor; for anyone who didn't get the reference, here is the comic that proves Frank Miller is insane. Although, for my money, it's still better than Ronin.

Ha! Man, I hated that comic.

I don't think it's so much that Miller is insane--I think it's that he deeply resents the fact that almost all of his success is due to working on Batman stuff.

Maybe, to a point. Would explain why he's planning "Holy Terror, Batman!"

But I also feel a part of it is the fact that he sees Batman as more of a pyschopath than most people would. Which is a fair enough call, but I still don't like how he plays it.

Except Dark Knight Returns. That was brilliant. I'm petitioning that to be taught in high school.

I didn't really like Ronin either. It left me kinda....whelmed. It was alright, but also not. It did influence Samurai Jack though, so that's a good thing.

At least ASB&R has Jim Lee doing the art. The amount of eyegasms that man has given me, I tell ya.

Yeah, Miller seems to really get off on Batman getting off on knocking heads. It wouldn't surprise me if, some day, he showed Batman sporting wood while gutting the Joker with the business end of a Batarang.

Jim Lee represents everything I dislike about mainstream comics, but I'm with you on Samurai Jack. I think I would have loved Ronin if I'd read it when I was about 14, which is probably why I found it so embarrassing at 21. But, for DKR and Sin City, Miller will always be a hero.

I can understand the dislike of Jim Lee. It's a very 90's style, when technology and printing and colouring got better, everything becoming crisp and clean and somewhat manufactured. But I personally enjoy that. All I want is an artist who can convey emotions, darkness and action well. While Jim Lee's action is lacking at times in my opinion, it all looks so damned good I'm willing to accept it.

Artists I can't stand - Miller himself (the art's too dirty and bubbly and annoying. I'll accept it for Sin City and DKR*, though.), Greg Land (oh oh OH he irrits me. I'm not buying a comic for porn, let alone for horribly conveyed action. And the man's a hack - look him up if you don't believe me.), Alex Ross, Simone Bianchi (both for lifeless photorealistic paintings - good for covers, but I don't like it in comics). That's about it.

*I realise DKR was Lynn Varley. But unless they're clones of one another, his style clearly influenced hers - most likely due to him being the writer. See his Wolverine and Daredevil stuff.

Not that I really want to get into this, but Lynn Varley was just the colorist. She was also his wife.

Well spotted, good sir. The style makes much more sense, now.

I believe they got married after that, but I could be wrong. They got divorced in 2005, though. Given that women in his comics are always one of 4 tropes...
A. Strippers
B. Whores
C. Sluts
D. Dead

...I'm surprised any woman would marry him. But people aren't bothered by sexual objectification as much as they used to be. And hell, they may have had completely different issues between each other.

chubbied for use of the word "trope".

Ok, listen, I used to read "Checkerboard Nightmare" Even worse, I used to enjoy it. Woe is me, I know. And that word has just reminded me of a certain parody/homage Kris Straub did of Eric Burns' style. Bearing that in mind:
Dr. Skradley, what are you, married to a dictionary?

I....Yes, I am married to a dictionary.

"Don't you know who the fuck I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Until and unless we see a reissue of strip #1 in which Jar-Jar is standing on it, I firmly believe Achewood is safe from Lucas-style self-destruction.

"...We shoulda seen it coming with the Ewoks."

I think this phrase can be used in almost any context when something unfortunate transpires.

i will use this in Conversation this very night.
i may even post how i use it and all will laugh. it will be Good.

...or tremendously sad. i'm not Sure which yet.

I look forward to the hilarious context.

...or the depressing context. Either way, I imagine it shall be Entertaining.

it is Done:

Them: the only thing I've known I wanted to do since sixth grade is get married
Them: and that's not exactly a career
Me: well i think it's justifiably an achievement in its own right.
Me: a career soccer mom.
Them: haha for me it will definitely be an achievement
Them: midgets have a hard time finding suitable husbunns
Me: ..really?
Them: 'specially us mixed ones.
Me: hm..
Them: haha
Them: no
Them: well..sometimes.
Me: that is a study worth conducting..
Them: my friend's uncle who is a midget, married a woman who is six foot something.
Them: she picks him up to kiss him...sort of cute.
Me: aww
Them: I can't claim to be quite that short.
Me: that sounds like a wookie marrying an ewok, if i may be Star Wars about it.
Them: haha it does.
Me: everyone around them groaning..."we shoulda seen it coming with the Ewoks."

I keep reading "Them" as if it were a Greek Chorus a la Antigone or some such classical work. That plus midgets plus the kicker phrase makes a surreal context, indeed.

A Greek chorus of giant mutant man-eating ants.

You freakin' CLOWN!!!

Oh... shit. Sorry, man.

he should not have yelled at him.

not over this.

It is your duty as Acheworlders to Chubby this goddamned post.

How does "Whipped cream and other delights" get a 2? That's one of the hottest damn album covers ever.

Look:

[IMGS OFF]

For fuck's sake, Teodor. What about this woman does not turn you on?

ask yourself: did you pull up Electric Ladyland to compare and contrast

Wikipedia was very informative on this topic. It depends which version of the album you got. Compare and contrast:

Electric Ladyland, official album cover:
[IMGS OFF]

First edition UK album art:
[IMGS OFF]

Supposedly, Hendrix hated the UK cover and his family now considers the US version the official artwork. As for Aphex Twin, well, he just likes fucking with people's heads.

I think the ratings system is to express not only how hot the ladies are, but also how naked. As the body here is mostly submerged in what is purportedly cream, hence the 2 rating. It appears to be an Acheworld-esque 1-5 scale, which means that Quadrophenia is something special indeed.

Unless he gets off on mod fellas on scooters or standing in alleyways, I don't think he was judging Quadrophenia on "hotness". Perhaps it overruled the Hotness purely on being solid. The means of measurement may have gotten complicated.

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadrophenia[/i]Apologies, a link was in order.[/i]

Apologies, I'll get some tests in the morning, I promise.

But what about the liner notes?

And what about the pull-out poster in that Queen album that had "Fat-Bottomed Girls" on it?

it didn't come out till 78 all the albums on T's list were out by 75 so it could just be a timing thing

wasting all this time and money on a dying medium has finally paid off. in the liner notes for quadrophenia there's a page where the protaganist from the film is laying in his bed with pictures of various nude pinup girls pasted to the wall above.

Maybe how good the album is also factors into the rating. In which case I fully agree with it because Quadrophenia is one of the most bad-ass albums of all time.

he dreamt that he was having a taste of that sweet dairy goodness and it turned out that: a) he was lactose intolerant b) they used shaving cream for that photoshoot because it holds up much better than whipped cream under the unforigiving glare of the big-eye tener solarspot. either way...

I am realizing now how much this woman looks like my room mate.

Seven-kinky!

I had this mindset in common with Teodor when I was young. Curious about the fair sex but with no hot cousin to peek on in the shower. It will be many years before young Teodor can describe with any confidence the appearance of female genitalia.

So to answer your rant, it is hot but useless. The Shannon Rutherford of album covers.

Jesus I still can't.

mati klarwein is one of my favorite artists, i am extremely stoked to see his artwork in my favorite comic

It's a different generation, but every time I found myself in Rough Trade as a teenager I'd linger over the Boss Hog section:

[IMGS OFF]

"I was oblivious to everything, and now I just sit and wonder when I'll finally get that one perfect e-mail that solves all my problems and closes the laptop of my mind."

Oh Teodor... or rather, oh Onstad...

Les Fleurs du Mal for nerds. Achewater could probably rival Absinthe.

/end drivelling spawned by the Monday Blues.

I don't get what he means by that phrase.
Explanation by someone smarter than me, please?
I feel so stupid o_0

Well, obviously I am just projecting my own feelings into this but:

I see it as a metaphor for constant dissatisfaction and a sense of waiting for something to come along and change your life and bring you peace of mind. Constantly checking your e-mail, not sure what you're waiting for, or who you expect to be writing to you, but hoping it will be there, the magic answer, the perfect solution, that e-mail that you will read, nod, and at last be able to close the window, turn off your computer, close your laptop with a satisfying "click", and walk away, satisfied at last, able to live your life now that you have finally reached what you have been waiting for your whole life. Enabling you to let go of all the things that went before, the crippling past, memories of times when you were not yet aware of this feeling, and then dreadful moments which continue to haunt you still.

And it's a habit I have had all my life. I couldn't walk past the mailbox without opening it to see if something had come -- and even when it did come, it never was what I was hoping for -- and I could never say what exactly I hoped it would contain. Now as an adult, I still go on waiting for that perfect e-mail. When I see the little red stamp appear on my Mail icon (yeah, Mac user), my heart leaps. But no matter how great the e-mail, it's still not the one which will liberate me. And as I read this strip, I felt that it was in fact my whole life which worked this way, waiting for that moment of enlightenment brought by... something. Liberation from this waiting for... something.

And Teodor is just the kind of person to have that kind of anxiety, of wanting the solution to come from somewhere else (the right clothes or food or gadgets or girls) rather than from within himself. I've always favoured Roast Beef, but I'm starting to think my own neurosis (what is the plural of neurosis?) lay with Teodor rather than Beef.

I think too much.

neuroses.

Thank you for that. I couldn't get the reference in the strip until you described it this way. I think too little, evidently.

If what you describe is a neurosis, it's awfully widespread.

Hell of eloquent

that was nice, well put. i wish i had rationed my my chubbies better. i know i'm out, but i keep trying anyway. i'm beginning to think that assetbar is being a little facetious in calling me friendly over and over again. ass.

...i cried a little
beautiful

Tedor has always spoken the most to me. Everyone has their suffering, and thankfully mine has not been to the degree that Roast Beef's has (not a dig on beef), but is one that faces me with a more standard set of questions posed by... well, just being... and High School.

I appreciate it, but actually, I was asking about the line before that.
So...if anyone can explain?
Damn, I feel stupid 'n' (<-that's a frowny face)

He's saying that the albums covers of that generation and their artwork were a prayer for salvation, coming from a utopian ideal, and that he saw them only as wank-fodder.

Thank you.
I really feel stupid for not getting it. I'm sorry.

Not understanding doesn't make you stupid, you just don't have the same concerns as Teodor :)

Is this Onstad's Saucer Full Of Secrets?

That was an awful album.

Oh no you di'nt!

Okay, I will concede--the title track on that album was, yes, horrible. But the rest of it is AWESOME. I mean, come on. "See Saw," "Let There Be More Light," "Corporal Clegg"...great, great stuff. Like a shitty Beatles band on shrooms or something. I love it.

Who the fuck is chubbying this? Out of 1356 strips, can't 2 of them be (very good) Chris Ware homages?
I like these. But I guess three of them will be enough.

three times is always the best.

c-c-c-combo breaker!

thank you. i really didn't want my recycling of a comment on the last strip to follow through.

i chubby you for Doing this.

actually, it wouldn't be complete until we did it on the next strip too
that being said, i didnt realize it was done before, and now, after i went to look, i realize i have Failed at Achewood.

...maybe we can make it fail thrice.

that could be Good, too.

The rating for Abraxas' naked lady is also fittingly a 4. Time tested and still haunting your dreams, but still a 4.

Teodor has many more problems than I imagined. Onstad has a new format.

This strip has my name in it. Now I know something about myself I did not know before.

Onstad's not stopping until he's sure that "Chris Ware" and "masturbation" are inextricably linked in the mind of every Achewood reader.

Should be two weeks, tops.

Were they not already?

no.

oh man, thanks for the heads up. could have been some awkward questions there.

So far, the only salty discharge from reading Jimmy Corrigan has been tears.

everyone is mad at you

Yet another overly-critical furry! Where do they come from?!?

lamed for furry

Oh no, you didn't like the comic, only lames for you! I support you for sticking up to them all. The comic currently has 4.1 rating which is dreadfully low.

I gotta say, despite whoever Chris Ware is, the leaf conversation in the previous comic is where it's at. Maybe where it's always been at.

Actually I was laming because they're a furry. I don't care what they think :)

This is the one that always fascinated me.

And Quadrophenia deserves a 10.

an ex of mine became obsessed with finding that album. driving all over town, from goodwill to thrift store to record store looking for "that roxy music album, you know, with the boobs." he would whisper 'boobs' to the dude at the record store counter, to which the employee usually shout something about 'country life' and 'titties' which made me laugh, and him turn beet red. he would live the rest of the day embarrassed and pissed off.

This is good. This is a good story about a man.

I have found myself being extremely selective in doling out my ration of chubbies for this comic. I just wanted you to know that it was down to your comment and the comment by porquechutzpah. I believe that in choosing you, I have chosen wisely.

[IMGS OFF]

Most excellent.

alright! second place!

Why, thank you. I feel delightfully honored. I, too, tried to be careful about chubbies on this page as there are so manygreat comments, but, alas, I blew my wad too soon.

On your pantleg, I presume?

In your mom, actually.

I...I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.

I have chosen this comment.

I don't know if it's because I'm a little high at the moment or what but just now I became UTTERLY CONVINCED that your avatar was moving around whenever I stopped focusing on it. Like right now as I'm writing this and looking at the text window I'd swear he's wiggling the fingers on his non-cane-holding hand at me and nodding.

I thought you would want to know. Take all appropriate precautions.

Well, I figured that as soon I was enlarging avatars I might as well give out the rest of my ration, knowing full well that I would probably end up wanting when all was said and done. When that became the case, I started going to particularly great commenter's profiles and doling out some chubbies on their previous comments. It's just my little way.

well, if he's still looking for it, i just sold it back to a used record store in virginia. .no ti ssap

I wouldn't say I was FASCINATED by it, not in the same way that Teodor is, but Diamond Dogs with its ROCK HARD DOG COCK left quite an impression on me as a child.

People seem to believe Mr Onstad is above doing Chris Ware pastiches. May I voice the contrary: I quite enjoy them.

I did this. James Browns' Sex Machine had about 15 naked girls on the cover.

The best thing about this strip is the squiggle of biro at the top of the note paper. Attention to detail is important to me.

[IMGS OFF]

Yeah, but in a good way.

neonfreon is a fuckwit

as opposed to someone you 'donfuckwit'?

One of the best strips out there, and the first one I will be hanging on my wall.

Score.

God, Achewood has depressed me so much lately.

Which is sad in itself.

Your Abraxas was my Appetite for Destruction with the Robert Williams painting.

Well played, Chris.

As a barely teenage lad, I was quite taken by the Blind Faith album cover. There were not a few albums with naked grown women one them, but a girl my own age...! It was a unique kind of excitement. Needless to say, I bought the album, and it marked the beginning of a maturation in my musical tastes. Maturation out of adolescence was (as it is generally known) not nearly as smooth, unfortunately.

Now, I kind of wonder why they chose this as an image.. with a shiny phallic airplane, no less. You wouldn't be able to do that today. Jock Sturges catches shit all the time for his work.

Well, what about Queen's "Jazz"?

I mean... http://luthor.altervista.org/queen01.jpg

ah ha!

That is terrible. You are a terrible person. And so am I, because I laughed.

I thought it might be tacky, and then I realized I kind of did not care.

I love getting that realization about such things.

My mom had a book of Marylin Monroe photos which I would look at when no one was around. I felt no need to stray from that until I found out about the internet.

I used to respect the hell out of Teodor until he badmouthed "Whipped Cream (And Other Delights)". We're still friends only because he gave Quadrophenia a 5 .

Also, "____ FUCKS BALD PEOPLE" is the greatest insult ever.

I'm pleased to report that one of the interns at my local NPR station is named Abraxas something or other.

yeah, that'll teach 'em to pay a woman compliments.

I wonder if this is the series of NSFW assetbar responses that finally gets me fired?

No kidding.

Seeing the cover art on "Two Virgins" was a hell of a revelation. Actually, I threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

TEODOR

T�odor?

yeah i knew that, it's just that assetbar is not a fan of the accent-mark-on-"e" thing

Who gets the "Arcadia" reference? I don't.

I was wondering about this too. Upon consulting Wikipedia, the encyclopedia that anybody can edit, I learned that Arcadia is a region of Greece landlocked by mountains and inhabited by people who lived the proverbial simple pastoral life. Apparently it is much the same in the modern day.

I think what Onstad means by the album cover art being a hail Mary pass from Arcadia is that it's sort of a connection; a thing from the past that is still relevant today. And apparently T just didn't get it, and the perfectly aimed pass bounced right off his head.

Don't worry T, I also don't understand anything, ever.

i do not Understand this at all. i am not of the proper age.

you never looked at naked women on album covers?

i didn't, no. i wasn't aware this was a practice until this strip.

I guess it went out of practice shortly in the recent past. (In a 3-year span in the 1990s, presumably). I always kind of figured it was the only reason they kept making LPs after the advent of the cassette. But I guess audiophiles and rappers probably each had more to do with it.

hah. well now that i am getting into vinyl myself...i may have to go collect nudity-laden records so i guess if nothing else, this is a great springboard into it all.

mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

My dad got this album when it was new, and I fell in love with the music immediately. (I was eight.)

The boobies didn't hurt my appreciation of the album at all.

This album exemplifies one of the few ways that vinyl was superior to CDs.

I didn't know Teodor was Asian.

Late, but interesting.

what makes you say he is?

I guess because he looks somewhat Asian in the largest panel. And whoever noticed that is a big ol' racist.
DIXIE DAN

Please notice that in the second picture of the Abraxas cover, the dove has been moved up slightly. The first picture is the real album cover (http://www.jimlawrence77.net/LPCOVERS/abraxas.jpg). , therefore the second must be Teodor's memory of it. Perhaps I'm wrong, but the second picture has atleast a little bit of phallic symbolism.

Would closing the laptop of your mind really be as satisfying as we think it will be?

only if there is a spinning-up of my mind's Discman elsewhere.

not really digging this one

Young ladies should use the Shift key!

and everybody Should utilize the product in your avatar...except bidet owners..unless they're into that sort of thing as well.

A female not understanding the male masturbatory tendency. Go figure!

Where did you get that avatar? I have this incredible urge to see a hi-res version, then even more of that artist's work.

Hey, I kind of zoned out for a minute there... Has anyone mentioned that this strip is vaguely reminiscent of Chris Ware's style? Did they then go on to express either joy or dismay at this discovery? I sure hope so...

welcome to a couple of days ago

A couple of days ago has made a phone call to today!

See, this is the kind of thing where I'll go ahead and give you chubbies on other comments as a reward. This is what I mean. That is what I'm talking about.

[IMGS OFF]

oh man, it's been forever but it's the artistic style of the dude who does all the Shin Megami Tensei video games. Can't remember or find his name.

man you must be a dickhead in real life i think

Daring.

there is a boob on the cover of achtung baby. it's small, but it's there.

The same goes for Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville. Sadly, I was well out of adolescence before I noticed the barely-visible Phairnip.

No, dude, I can see him very clearly in at least two places.

oh snapz

That bird is RUDE!

Quadrophenia is the "Ray gets sort of stoned" of Who records.

We straight up need this one in poster form too. How about it, Mr. O?

I know blarghamagarky in real life. We are actually pretty good friends. I really wanted to add something to this long, awkward, unnecessarily drawn-out conversation.

I liked the record player in this one, and while I didn't spend time looking in my dad's record collection for pics of girls, I did go through it a lot.

He had a lot of Dylan.

As well as The Band. I ended up with his LP of Stage Fright and listened to it tons of times.

AAAAAAAAND IT JUST ANOTHER WHISTLE STOP

BUT WE WON'T STOP TILL WE REACH THE TOP

Blind Faith 5 .

Fuck man! I barfed! I barfed because I remembered the prepubescent girl on the cover of Blind Faith!

SPUFGH

If it's any comfort to Theodore, I always liked the album cover to Abraxas, too. In fact, I'm actually kinda glad I read this particular strip, because I couldn't remember what that album was called. To my credit, I did suspect that it was a Santana album, though.

Just to be clear, I never masturbated over the Abraxas cover. Just took it out and stared at it a lot, whenever I was alone with my mother's music collection.

The cover always entranced me, but the album itself is something else. One of my favorite albums start to finish.

This strip is pretty boss, if only because I'm secretly hoping for that email, and it so silly.

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