I thought I could tell if you were being serious or not? And then somebody chubbied you. I'm confused.

Chubby for the Avatar.

Admittedly, I am pretty good at not really doing anything.

I can't believe you've done this. I... I love you for it.

it was probably totally unintentional that my handle came to be part of the supergroup name, but on my deathbed, I will swear to my grandchildren that I named it like Keith Moon named 'Zep. bless you, sir.

Theres actually plenty of people who didn't make it cause I couldn't come up with anything funny for them and I didn't want to make it too long.

You were one of the quality posters vying for Clit Guitar. Unfortunately for you, Paper Boy has got just serious chops on that thing.

I spend a lot of time playing Clit Hero.

Oh, hedonismbot. How droll!

Totally spent some time looking for that picture of Hendrix where he was playing the guitar with his tongue.

Someone help me out over here.

Oh, I am not good enough to tackle any Jimi Hendrix on Clit Hero. Lady just starts making those Bwong! Twang! Dwerng! noises. Crowd starts booing. I get thrown out of another Denny's...

I couldn't find anything such as visual evidence in my hasty search.
Please accept this as an alternative:
[IMGS OFF]
A tribute to paperboy_2000, the hottest tongue on Clit Guit' since Gene Simmons!

thanks for the honorary mention, yearsinhotclaws!

(yes I know Simmons was a singer but damn with that tongue he could play your guit' from across a crowded room if he wanted)

The law Cheney should have tried to pass was outlawing all guitars not connected to their amp by means of curly wire.

hi. I gives you chubby.

OH HAI

envika: bass toss, facial expressions

Yay! I'm one of the cool kids! Also, I am perfectly suited for both idea man and groupie rounder, as almost all of my great ideas involve groupies. And their boobs.

It's okay, I mean this is proper revenge for that assetbar party picture I made that only had like 18 people in it.

Wait, a good band need some backup singers, a string section, and several guys doing something with keyboards and odd percussion instruments.

I was actually hoping you or someone else would call me out on being a shitty poster myself and then I could've said something like,

"Achilleselbow you can play unmicced tamborine if you promise to get off my dick. Also you have to wear a Barney costume for my amusement."

Did I mention I thought of this while I was at work and had a lot of time to come up with witty retorts to imaginary enemies?

The point is, you were thought of.

Barney the dinosaur or Barney Rubble? Either way it's not really worth getting off your dick for.

I was thinking dinosaur but we don't really have a lot in the budget for costumes atm so just wing it and we'll see what happens.

Note: by wing it I mean break into the studio where they film Barney and steal the costume. We need that fucking costume. Get a baby bop for me while your at it.
*Long Pause*
What? Don't look at me that way boy, you got fetishes.

Scoutin' them chubbies, yes we are! Thanks for giving me the vibes, cool old instrument.

Haha, Rocket Guitar?

There is only one man on Earth that can play the dangerous and sexy Rocket Guitar, and he doesn't play sober.

BTW, you have to die on stage like a mangy dog when a bunch of girls in the audience are throwing their hotel keys up on stage and a big one catches you right in the temple. Its all right here in your contract sign right here on the dotted line and I sware I will make u famous.

...and dead

Catgrl: Electric Bongos, Innuendo

Cpnglxynchos: Catgrl131

I would pay money.. and not illegally download to support a band with the name of "The Chubbscouts".

houston, austin, or san antonio?

Austin.

XTC in San Antonio? That's a fantastic place! I got my first lap dance there while stationed at Lackland Air Force Base.

Man, I had no idea this was a Texas thing.

oh totally

She might fall on him in a biblical manner.

Dear. God. I. Am. Not. A. Religious. Man. But. Please. Help. Me. See. The. Connection. Here.

Check the previous strip and then refer back to this comment

not prime strippers are the new Percoset.

V CHUB

I demand a reprint of Ray's Decision chart with new situations. If I can't know what ray would do when confronted by a retarded homeless man riding a bike next to his car when theres an oncoming tractor, how am I supposed to do anything but freeze and cause some serious retard roadkill?

The solution is easy: homeless people can't afford bicycles.

your assumption is incorrect: everyone can afford to steal your bike.

But if you use No More Tears, it will make Ray rub his nipples.

Ack!

I just take four shits and die.

awesome, beat me to it

Oh, i am the lowest. I didn't check to see if anybody else made one :/
I didn't forget the "s!" just so everyone knows.

[url=http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png
]Here it is in all its glory[/url]
dang, i already got a chubby for it too. sweet.

crap, i was on a roll, too. i tried too hard.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y264/takkuun4/FRISTPOTS.png

You're just digging yourself in deeper, best to get out while you can.
I appreciate your post, though, for whatever reason I can't see stereo's.

Awww, if it helps, I think your's was cuter.

That's what she said.

Do you really expect us to believe that last one was unintentional?

The drugs were kicking in at the end there.

I chubbied every post in that sequence? And do you know why? Because I care, damnit.

That. Was. Awesome.

Mad v-chubs for the grrrl!

Gogol was a Russian author, not a Ukranian author. Sorry about that! I had to correct you, because Dead Souls is one of my absolute favorite books of all time. Gogol is a genius, evinced by the fact that he wrote an entire story about a man who literally loses his nose (The Nose, 1835) and made it work in a classy, elegant way. He also went insane, but we don't talk about that.

*gets offended on behalf of his people but not really* Dude, WHAT are you talking about - Gogol is THE Ukranian national hero, born and raised. He wrote in Russian because that was the official language of the empire and was spoken from Poland to Alaska, and even still some of his writing is sprinkled with folksy Ukranian-ish expressions. It's kind of a sore point for Ukranians because to this day a huge portion of the country knows Russian, but not Ukranian (me being an example - we were taught it as a foreign language in elementary school, but I've forgotten everything). I mean, shit, we just had a revolution over this. Please don't take away our sole accomplishment besides fried pork fat.

It's okay, I'm not really offended. I mean, shit, I'm glad people are reading Gogol. Also, you were one of my favorite posters, where the hell have you been?

Oh! Well, I'll be damned. That's really interesting. Almost the entirety of my experience with Gogol is in his connection to Russia and their literary heroes. That is, my general knowledge of Gogol as a historical anachronism is concentric to his friendship with Pushkin, his short experience as a "professor" of medieval history, and his harsh satire of the Russian provincial norms of the 1800s. Among other such Russian connections. I was viscerally aware of his Ukrainian heritage, but I was totally unaware of Ukraine's general claim to dibs on his literary heft. I have learned something today, achilleselbow. Thank you.

Also: thanks for the compliment! I've been absent because I've been incredibly busy. Last month was entirely eaten up by my AP tests (I took seven this year), student loan issues, and graduation. Also, recently, my time has been spent getting a summer job and all that "fun" stuff. I'm a lot less busy now, though, so I'll probably start posting regularly again. I wasn't aware that people actually noticed my posts all that much. I feel loved! Thank you, Assetbar.

Yikes. That got a bit bloggish at the end, there. At least I didn't D2BaD!

-=Doc=-

You might enjoy this band:
Eugene Hutz is the charismatic frontman of Gogol Bordello, a multinational, multicultural explosion of a band whose new album is called Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike. The band mixes punk, ska, jazz, and the traditional Roma music of Ukraine, where Hutz grew up. Hutz and violinists Sergey Ryabtsev and Yury Lemeshev visit NPR's Studio 4A, where they perform a few songs and talk about their music.

I higly recommend their song Start Wearing Purple. Quite funny, and damn I love me some Gypsy music.

Anybody else buy into "Start Wearing Purple" being about cough medicine as a drug?

Damn, but I do want this song played at my wedding

Ah, but you also had an experiment in anarchism that almost lasted long enough to collapse into fascism before being crushed by an invading empire. And that's a neat concept!

Waitaminute. Aren't you Jewish? You consider yourself Ukrainian instead of/in addition to Ashkenazi?

Apparently his hometown was within Russia at the time of his birth, and later became part of the Ukraine. You're both right! E palo mande!

Well, all of Ukraine was part of Russia (and later the Soviet Union) up until '91, but it was always a distinct region with its own language and such.

Pronounced "Oooo-KRAN-ya" if I'm not mistaken.

"Ooo-Kra-iiin-ya" was how I was taught, but my teacher was a Czech.

Applause!

This is why edwell is by far the funniest poster here. We are all pigshit in his presence.

That is because you have no sense of humor.
also:

NO

That's great. Thanks for sharing.

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding here.

Anyone who questions his greatness need only look at his chubby:lame ratio, currently 963:1, nobody else is even remotely close.

There is nothing about this post that is not absolutely amazing. Edwell, you are an American Hero. And you might not even be American!

How do you know that a decrepit old stripper with a stretch-marked and flubby ass is bad?

I agree! It was just one of those times when you see the joke and you have to make it.

I gave you a chubby only because I am your friend.

I know handicapped people.

Hmm, a guess ... Futurama? Nah. Lost? Maybe. I know, White Fang!

Soldier: SIr, Hes countering our references with old faggots shit!
Lieutinant Dan: Bomd da fuck outofem.
Soldier: Relesing Skynet Ultra Butthole Meme Festival 9595: Trouble in Jamaica.

[IMGS OFF]

That guy from Big Lobowski, John Goodman! Two points for the old [NOT] faggot!!

There should be a film called "The Big Lobotomy".

Incidentally, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

Artist's Note: Edgar is Pogo wielding a giant phonograph machine.

An old Victrola, no doubt. 15 death points.

look, i just want to say

nice avatar

that is all

I agree with you -- that's still a hell of a body by almost every standard except those gay guys who host TV shows like "TMZ" and "GossipNite".

But then again, what is up to those TMZ gay guy standards?

Perhaps very broken, misguided, gay boys want famous, well-adored and sexy women to look like famous well-adored sexy men.

Are you contributing to negative image stereotypes about women, loneal? I happen to look like britney spears and with comments like that I feel like I'll never be President.

It was not consistent with my morals. I am actually extremely embarrassed about this.

It's okay, at least a few people realized you were making a joke and didn't feel it necessary to ruin a huge slam on Britney Spears with boring and predictable "she still looks good the media is stupid hurr hurr hurr" comments.

I shoulda put a HEY-O! on the end.

Although that does not mean that I am not embarrassed about this. Let me make this perfectly clear: making a Britney Spears joke in any context with any punchline is embarrassing.

Bloody hell, who wrote that joke? Seung Hui Cho?

Here are.. some of her hands..

HEY-O

Sacrifice in March, corn have plenty starch

Britney Spears is a punchline all of her own.

...so then Britney turns to the Priest and says, "20 bucks, same as downtown..."

The Aristocrats!

[IMGS OFF]

Huh?

HEY-O!

Working the vertical pole keeps you pretty fit??

Sometimes, the poles, they are horizontal.

Once you go Pole, you never go black.

Huge slam on Poland from etc. etc.

At least with that picture I know it's a dude.

When I first saw that video I honestly thought that the "star" of the video was a chick. I still feel dirty.

Apparently realism about what women look like is uncool now. Sorry I said Britney was fairly normal.

ps If you think Britney is fat you will always be dating a fat woman.

pps No pedantic rebuttal is necessary here.

ppps I completed the postscript trifecta.

Lawbot - ain't nobody on this here forum think Britney is actually fat. Cross my heart, hope to die. That's not too pedantic, is it?

I like a woman who is skinny enough I can see my junk when I'm boning. This requires a chick that is amazingly thin, as my junk is pretty small.

"God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day."

Don't blame me, it was loneal who wanted to bone her in the first place. Blame her.

I have lowered the level of discourse in this place in such a way that it will never be able to struggle back to its former summit of sophistication.

no more apologizin. we women do too much apologizin and not enough making of jokes around here. you made a joke. it was slightly crass and had a few un-PC components and pop culture references. no sense saying sorry for that. if onstad cut out all the things that fit into those categories, achewood would cease to exist.

Yeah but if anyone else had made that joke, I would have lamed them and thought them to be of low mind. My conscience is screaming, "HYPOCRITE!" in my ear, and my conscience is right.

Marcel Duchamp reference avatar gets my chubby

You are in trouble yet again Loneal!

KEEP READING, WE GET TO STRIPPER STORIES SOON!

I think this happened in an episode of La Blue Girl.

Lawbot cried, but he did not Accept that he cried.

He never does, the poor bastard.

By the way guys, if you have an opinion on something, it's not valid unless you either plan to go on a one-man mission to bend the entire world to your will.

Just ask lawbot.

Wait, I wrote "either" but I didn't put an "or" option.

I'm STUPID.

awww, you're not stupid. You just want to give people the illusion of choice and free will. That's called kindness

You're kind, Heccibiggs!

You... are... kind!

Next you'll be cussing yourself for a catholic!

Wow, way to take it personally when you get called out on religious bigotry.

Who are you talking to? What religious bigotry? They were talking about Britney Spears up there.

Britney Spears is my RELIGION, tekende. Please do not insult my religion by saying it is not one.

Heccibiggs is sore that when I called her out on being an anti-catholic bigot, I would not accept that catholics "are stupid.

Specifically, she is referring to my point that calling catholics "stupid" if she is not going to engage with their beliefs and criticize them on their own terms, OR attempt to take political action against them because she believes that they harm others, is simply low abuse.

I'm not sure what post of hers you're talking about, but I think the reason most people get sore at you from time to time is because you take comments that are obviously meant as jokes seriously and respond to them with pedantic rebuttals in the form of bland sarcasm. I don't wanna start a thing again, so please take this as sincere constructive criticism.

This was on #achewood, and it was a vigorously defended position.

I feel weird saying this is a chubby. Is it okay for Britney to cause chubbies? Am I a low man for this?

She's chubby, you're chubby, seems like a match to me!

You know, I actually have come to expect such sentences of you.

So close. So goddamn close, assetbar.

it's okay. still brilliant.

Wow, kudos sir. My favorite part was how you left "loves horses."

Yes I thought about changing it to "mechanical bulls" but I thought it still gets across the point that she orgasms on the horse and keeps the meter.

"crazy-ass pelvis" is just as good, if not better.

also, mechanical bulls doesn't read too hot

Speak for yourself. That was just an ignorant thing to say.

(No, it wasn't. I am playing the devil's advocate. We can still be friends, right.)

I'm glad. I hate losing potential friends to mechanical bulls. Moment of silence, man.

Well played.

I almost said the same thing to him

I'm a girl, but thanks anyway

(Does my avataricon project an aura of masculinity?)

Hmm, what is your avataricon, anyway?

A steampunk watch...

is this it?
http://www.steampunklab.com/watches/Hutonbasami/102

"It is the clock which was made with design concern. It is the kind of feeling which puts the arm with the spring."
Also, I would probably wear that... the watch, not howl.

Yup, that's it. I just thought it looked cool, it doesn't have any particular meaning.

Tom Petty is the poor man's Peter Gabriel

Solo or with Genesis? 'Cause man... either way that's a helluva bad thing to say. A helluva bad thing.

I mean to say that TP is the "lowbrow" version of the artist who likes to write deep stuff but still can't completely resist the pull of pop stardom, like PG (or Sting or Daryl Hall, for that matter)

BTW I think Daryl Hall has gotten too much work done:
[IMGS OFF]

John Oates is much worse.
[IMGS OFF]

god fucking damn. This image is so con.

(note: You are a cool dude you are not con.)

The sad thing is that Oates really doesn't look a whole lot better than that:
[IMGS OFF]

Hot damn! Maybe Oates and Jocelyn Wildenstein are related?

To be honest I can never remember her name and when I wanted to find that pic I googled "plastic surgery cat woman" and bingo!
Anywayyyy, despite clains to the contrary Jocelyn was born a woman and as such is still a viable partner for those males who said they wouldn't have sex with a transgender person. You lucky devils!

BOO TO THAT

i'd hit that

You can read more about this face when we discuss trannies down below

TRANNIES, RUINED JUNK. KEEP READING.

I re-iterate. I do not believe that you are as old as you say you are.

I have kept the teenager alive inside.

...Where?

Your basement?

No one can hear you scream, teenie-bopper, this is a bomb shelter.

Next, on To Catch a Predator.

The alt-text references Lyle's freefalling personal standards. I refuse to buy this. Lyle's standards simple can't have much more altitude to lose. I'm sure Lyle's standards are only a short hop off the curb from rock bottom.

Addendum: I refuse to use adverbs for they are the devil's music.

I would have given you a Chubby if you had put another "o" in "favourite". Like at the end: "favorito".

I know this has nothing to do with the comic, but I was quite proud of myself when I caught the reference in your name.

I love Monty Python marathons.

Best thing Disney ever did? Probably.

YES

Muppet Treasure Island surely?

No, that kid who played Jim Hawkins was extremely grating. Sorry if you are that kid. But not sorry if you aren't that kid.

"One leg Jim! Count 'em! One!"

"When youre a professional pirate....
You don't have to wear a suit!"

How true that is...

That was a great song, I must admit.

I think the muppets should do more literary adaptations...

Heart of darkness?
1984?
The Muppets present "MuppetTessoftheDeubervilles!" (a Muppet production)?

"Kermit, the Obscure"

"Ethan Foam"

*looks around for laughs*
FUCK! is there no one here to witness this?
*pouts, kicks rock*

I second Muppet 1984, with Kermit as Big Brother.

"Do it to her! Do it to her! for the love of god, do it to Miss Piggy and not me, Do it to her!"

Cue signature yelling and arm waving.
(i'd provide an image but i'm basically computer illiterate, E-literate if you will)

Fozzie as Kurtz
The horror... the horror... wakka wakka wakka!

I for one would like to see "The Cask of Amontillado" starring Statler and Waldorf..

Scariest, at least. I didn't sleep at all that night.

Of course, it was Christmas eve and I were a wee lad, but it's meaningful anyway.

Two things:

1. Does anyone ever else buy into the idea of Disney organising Jim Henson's death? Ridiculous conspiracies are fun, after all.

and B. His CHIN looks like BALLS!

Edit: "DID anyone else ever..."

1. oh my god... it makes so much sense now! THOSE BASTARDS!!

2. ...err B. I think it look more like someone mooning you from the bottom of his face.

It doesn't help that his nose is basically about as phallic as they could get it! What the hell, disney.

At least it's missing a frenulum, glans, corpus spongiosum and dorsal vein.

(I just looked all this up on Wikipedia and I've never looked at so many diagrams of cocks in my life)


(on second thought, that may not be true)

Dorsal vein? Since when did cocks become dolphins?

Oh, you didn't get that surgery.

You are clearly not familiar enough with trendy vibrators.

Hahahaha this website is hilarious. All pretty and blue and little flowers.

Have they ever even HEARD of the Coco De Mer website?

(My graphics tutor made us all look at this website in class, which caused far too much awkward childish giggling for a group of largely nineteen-year-olds.)

Also - would you ever want to put something that looks like this inside your vagina?

Ladybugs in MY vagina? It's more common than you think...

Blocked by my work Internet, thankfully!

It is THE vein. You know the one. The Vein.

The Main Vein? The one you drain?
...or the Mudvayne?

...stolen along with the golden 'an' by the man in the tan van?

Lame me if you want, but cars are underrated these days.

Lyle and Ray: two wild and crazy guys.

Man, and what an unusual time for the new strip to be posted.

Achewood: unpredictable.

That's the beauty.

The man said "Tuesday PM," and that's when it went up.

I like arriving within twenty minutes. It's very peaceful. This post will disappear within two hours.

Only the flyest Honeys have Posters over the pissers. Most girls gotta go the lowbrow route and write their number on the stall door of the shitters.

Chocolate love y'all.

And here he is doing what he does best; knowing how to arrange any seedy, nightmarish, morally soiling thing one can imagine.

#2 - Puking at footballs.

I, too, am very happy to see Lyle.

Hey PH I checked my post about david yow and it turns out it works better as a compliment when the guy I'm comparing you too is actually doing something awesome and not just writhing and gurgling drunkenly on stage.

So with that in mind and with the previous asset temporarily fucked here is the restoration of the first link, so that you can be officially complimented and not just confused.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zhaSnNQ9hw&feature=related

Are we done dick ridin' now?
Yeah we're done.

That is exactly what I did when I consumed the item in your avatar for the first, and quite possibly last time.

Well, that's kind of inevitability. Not only does it make one puke, it incites one to puke at things to see how far they move.

I also heard that drinking a lot of it will make one's tongue take on a lovely dark purple shade, but this is unconfirmed.

Harmony Kluxx? Is she related to the chicken hooker?

That chicken hooker was wicked short. Far too wickedly short to reach above the pisser to post her fliers.

In summary: That chicken hooker was wicked short.

And yet not as short as the abomination hooker, which may or may not have had bones.

*shiver*

I had to chubby this terrible, terrible pun.

Chubby for stealing my line.

The chicken hooker is not canon. The Achewood machine was broken. That chicken never actualy existed.

It sounds like Lyle is describing a "Monet": looks good from far away, but up close, a big mess. (C. Horowitz, 1995)

I appreciate your annotation, good sir. I was going to say "butter face", however.

Actually, a butter face can do very well in stripping because the patrons are, in fact, looking at everything but her face. So, I don't think butter faces and Monets are a one to one relationship (and yes, I am the one being a dick about terms).

In the UK we have a similarly sexist expression: BOBFOC.

This means 'Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch.' I assume this is something similar to 'Butter Face'?

(I assume it's a UK-based expression anyway. Anyone else have Crimewatch?)

Nobody has Crimewatch. You're insane.

What is brilliant about this picture is everything.

The hastier the tastier, I've always said.

That's the story of my parents wedding.


:(

One big, fat chubby for you, sir.

well butter face might make more sense if you insert "everything's good" before the title

Hi-O!

Where did I hear of "HFFA"?
Was it Swingers? Friday?

God the British have a strange way of expressing themselves. Like the one where you take a word that rhymes with the word you mean, but instead of saying the rhyming word, you say yet another word that is associated with it. Like a thing I read in which a bad smell was called a "Dame Judi". As in Judi Dench, because her surname rhymes with "stench". Why do you guys do that?

Actually, I really admire the playfulness with the language. . . . but dang.

'Joe Baxi' is my favourite. It means 'taxi', obviously, but the thing is nobody knows who Joe Baxi even is!

The assetbar users assumes British people speak in Cockney rhyming slang. They must be having a giraffe.

They think we talk in rhyming slang all the time? What a heap of Eartha Kitt!

If you think the English have fun with the language, you should see what the Scots get up to...

I'm about to take four Earthas and die!

They say maths too. Droll. Odd. Interesting.

v-chub, though. You know, instead of that, from now on I'm just going to say, "I appreciate you."

...I appreciate you.

You know it's possible to do one sport at a time, right?

Yes, but y'all refer to athletics in general as "sport."

Yea, but just because you take a letter off one word doesn't mean you have to put it on another. I mean that's not how language works at all. You can use letters as many times as you want. God, you're so STUPID.

It's no the Brit's fault, they just hate the language. Here, have a bananer.

I will eat it when I get back to Americer.

It's pronounced, 'meh-er-kah'. Unless you are "sum kinna terrist"

There is also a smattering of rhyming slang in 'strine as well.

China (plate = mate)
Butchers (hook = look, also Captain Cook)
Rubbity (dub = pup from the children's rhyme rubbity-dub three men in a tub)
Plates (of meat = feet)
Seppo (seppo is a shortening of septic tank = Yank, all Americans are called Yanks even if from the south)
Tin Lids = Kids
Burke (and Wills = Dills, a dill is a stupid person, Burke and Will are explorers who starved to death in the desert.)
Reg Grundys = Undies, or underwear. Reg Grundy is an Australian television producer.
Trouble and Strife = Wife

It is believed rhyming slang came to our shores with the convicts of the First Fleet.

How to say Melbourne: "Mel-bun" saying a long "bourne" will get you called a Seppo for sure.

"It doesn't matter what country someone's from, or what they look like, or the colour of their skin. It doesn't matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently- some would say more correctly..." etc.

What!? My tedious- some would say pointless- reference wasn't supposed to wind up here. Oh, internet, I give up on you. I'm going back to watching that documentary about the man who raped Airwolf...

I've never heard athletics referred to as "sport" in my life, except incidentally.

Someone JUST posted this thing the other day and you commented on it, so you heard it then at the very least.

WTF? I don't watch youtube videos OR comment on them.

And yet, one week ago, when numberkillinger posted a link to that video, you said, "Dude, it's the Sport. I think that was perfect for its demographic."

HUGE SLAM

Good point, although "the Sport" is the name of a newspaper, which is not a serious journal of sports and sportsmanship. But yes, we use "sport" as a kind of mass noun, I guess.

It's been posited that the ryming slang of cockneyland was developed as a method of insuring the "old bill" didnt understand the various illegal schemes formulated by victorian wideboys, by speaking in a near incomprehensible and flexible dialect they could dicuss crimes within earshot of her majesties uniformed constabulary.

This type of phrase ALWAYS impresses me.
Favourites: "You'd better not be telling me Porky Pies!" (Lies)
and
"We'll be in Barney!" (Barney Rubble --> Trouble)
I'm not going to hide it: I got these both from watching Snatch. God I love that movie.
Also I spell favourite with a U because I live in Canada, and that's how we do.

My new favourite: "That Kate Nash song is pure Kate Nash"

(A Glaswegian expresses his distaste for Kate Nash's new song)

...Which is rhyming slang for what, exactly?

'Tis rhyming slang for 'Gash'- which is either a crude way of saying that something is rubbish, or an even cruder way of referring to a lady's genitalia (apologies in advance).

Other indie-popstars names that are usefull for rhyming slang include Rick Whitter (formerly of Shed Seven- if that name means nothing to you then you should probably consider yourself lucky) and James Blunt. As in "I'm of to the Rick Whitter for an Eartha Kitt" and "James Blunt- what a James Blunt!"

Other notable musical stars in this linguistic genre include Rolf Harris ("Rolf" being an onomatapaeic description of the act of vomiting), Thom Yorke (to "pork"), Robert Coltrane, Pink Floyd, Super Furry Animals, Johnny Flynn, Modest Mouse, and if you believe more than half of this crap I would like to be the first to welcome you to the Assetbar Gullible Posters' Club!

I chubbied you for being a Canadian like myself.
Whilst travelling through the UK, I learned "John Diddle". (take a piddle=john diddle) For a moment I thought I had been offensive, then saw him step into the flanders. (W.C Fields=flanders fields) I made that one up just to satisfy my simpsonian institute.

Awesome, thanks!

I usually use Rod Liddle, as opposed to John Diddle.

I'm irratated i left my cockney ryming slang dictionary back home, dang that thing is invaluable...

What Lyle is describing only looks good in very low light. From any distance.

I want to lame you for saying locavore, but at the same time chubby you for locawhore.

Verily I say. I love the Wikipedia entry that describes how this beautiful pneumatic tube system was done in a year by the rats that ate all the tallow used to treat the leather joints.

Odei's comment needs hella chubbies.

What am I, a home for orphaned chubbies?

Sorry, I just ate a whole stick of garlic bread and am hella raunchy.

Don't do that. You'll get fat.

Nope. Gettin' fat sure as hell ain't my scene.

After reading your post, I remembered a stick of garlic bread that I had in my fridge, and I took it and chewed like Armageddon was coming. So thanks!

Mouth ... thing ... must not comment ... too old ... chewing ... argh!

No! It's okay! Let it out! You're among friends.

Fine. Ahem ... you can chew my garlic bread anytime.

God damn your timing.

*sniffle* What a breakthrough! I'm so proud of you! *sniffle*

I think Pogo is getting a tonic for the vapours. I'll try to fill in here. Ahem.

I have a garlic stick of my own you can chew on. It's doughy, and buttery, and you can barely get your jaw around it. Also it will give you bad breath, and you can find tons of them at the Olive Garden.

Man, I just thought Pogo was talking about his dentures again.

Totally dropping any pretense of innuendo:

Suck my dick.

Stripped of metaphor and innuendo, it's so ... base.

That's not true at all. Some girls don't like riding in cars at all. You're wrong once again Loneal.

EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ON THIS PLANET IS SEXUALLY AROUSED BY THE MIRACLE OF AUTOMOTIVE TRANSPORTATION

I WILL NOT BACK DOWN ON THIS

"No, loneal was banging a stick shift. That's okay, but no cookie for you."

I am completely hilariated by the idea of absentminded finger-banging. I save chubbies for just such a thing.

I always do this thing on like glasses or glass bottles that have got condensation on them, when I sort of rub my fingers up and down the sides to make patterns in the condensation, and everyone who sees me doing it is like, "Why exactly are you jacking off your drink?"

And what is your answer?

Wow, what a coincidence! I call my junk "your drink"!

Incidentally, I think it's funny that here and above I was obnoxiously disagreeing with you as a joke, but now after I extensively disagreed with you for real below, people might take these cases seriously too.

Where did this avatar come from? Holy shit!

I stole it from the might swf posted here awhile ago

shmorky I believe froma nother forum did a longer Flash piece with other characters as well

Found it!

http://shmorky.com/achewoodtestb.swf

Hey, Schmorky! Everyone knows Schmorky from SA.

That avatar is going to earn you so many goddamn chubbies, starting with this motherfucker right here

I would chubby for the avatar, but it's the reason airwolf isn't hovering besides a number of comments, so I won't.

Hey did anyone have trouble with Assetbar the past 24 hours? It would either not display, or when it did, attempting to post a message made it freeze up (on both my computers).

Yes I had the exact same thing happen to me. Friday's strip seemed to be stuck at 702 comments all of last night. I eventually tried commenting on a different strip, and it worked, but I still couldn't comment on Friday's.

Yes, and there were Bar-family-members talking about diagnoses and depression and stuff. Repost, those who need someone to talk to.

Yeah, I got an internal server error. Then when I checked my inbox I had 118 pages of replies rather than the ridiculous 200 or whatever the fuck. Methinks assetbar is updating itself, starting with removing the duplicate responses in the inbox.

Perhaps new updates?? *wishes*
It's a Memorial Day miracle!

To be honest, most of my experiences with strippers have been either horrible or soul-crushing. The most memorable one was one that looked cute in shadows or flashing lights, but then when she was right on top of a gent you tended to notice the lazy eye and titties like empty plastic grocery bags that rolled up as though window shades in cartoons when she rubbed her front on your body

Also she had a limp.

Christ, I like my girlfriend for all sorts of reasons now.

The heartbreaker for me was the 18 year old stripper with the plastic-grocery-store boobs. It was like when you were young, and had a helium balloon. It was neat, and full, then after a week it deflated and got wrinkly in all the old bulgy parts. Those were her boobs. And a pretty good metaphor for her life. It made me really appreciate the full, bouncy boobs I stole from somebody this weekend.

I always like that one stripper every place seems to have that really wants to tell you about how her boyfriend is "white pride," and not "white power" which is completely different

Or the one who wants to tell you about her kid.

Sigh.

The unfortunately-boobed 18 year old was as such because she had recently had her second child. She told us all about it. By us, I mean me, because I was the sober guy not getting lap-polish and she knew I wasn't going to punch her and run out.

I agree that strip clubs are depressing. You and I are in agreement on this.

Okay, I am way too sad now to even think of posting more.

Do not under any circumstances prize a girl's jaw open and inspect her teeth. They do not usually like this.