*402 posts

Addendum:
For those who read this thread in the future, the "hot hands on faces" discussion may seem confusing to you if they have changed their avatar/icons to follow the newest craze...
we are all sorry for this.

...we are not sorry for this--it was hot while it lasted.

This is why the tapestry I am working on can only be a good thing!

YES! for...HISTORY!!

Man....I was away for like a week and now I don't know what the FUCK is happening.

It's tempting to put my personal picture as my avatar and join in the fun. But I'm at work and can't be shitted doing so, so what can you do.

I'll see if I can scrounge up a picture of me wrapped in barbed wire, from my backyard wrestling days - if it still exists (possibly lost in the ether of CyberSpace. Or something else.

We'll see.

Nope. Google searched - you muthafuckas miss out on seeing a circa 2001 photo of my pasty white, shirtless and bleeding, barbed-wire covered, backwards hat and grinning like a mental patient 17-year-old self.

Besides, given the overwhelming manliness involved, I couldn't have guaranteed against spontaneous pregnancies, or any such case of the vapours amongst all you ladies out there.

Skradley, your homework is to make an animated gif of yourself doing the Ash head-nod.

That's drskradley to you, 'boy!

But seriously, drskradley, you must do this--before I make a PDF archive of this Gamera-sized, 1800-plus-postings leviathon (an early test ran 292 pages!). Immortalizing that chin-butt would be S-mart.

Quote:

Oh, I know it. It's the necessary thing that comes to mind. I'm working on it, I assure you. I have to call in a few favours, and offer some favours in uncomfortable ways, but I must make it happen. I must.

And Hamscout - don't you dare do it. You know you shouldn't. There's no point in being That Guy. That Guy That Ruins The Page For Everyone. It's just masturbatory meta-humour.

For this sake, I must do my thing.


....now I've made too much hype about it and it'll suck big floppy donkey dick.

You muft.

And if you could somehow include your hand, well, that would just be The Most Awesome Avicon Ever In The History Of Avicons Which Isn't Really That Long Of A History Because We Basically Just Made That Word A While Ago.

I think the new pics are great fun. Here's my real mug.

Oh my. Now there is someone I would vote for.

I was about to ask what state he was a senator for. I stopped because I thought it was mean.

I didn't mean it to be an insult, though. He totally rocks the gubernatorial look.

Id like to think you put that suit on just for us. But you probably had that photo lying around I guess.

I just dug your screen name, and didn't think about the image part.

I'll jump on the bandwagon-since I don't have a handface pic, I'll have to try and at least match the well-dressed pogo...

the name is Scout... Ham Scout...

Go away for a weekend and all the kids play. Now I'll feel like a creep unless I have something current up there instead of hiding behind the veil of the cute baby duck. Male pattern baldness. Fear it.

I fear it more than I care to put into words, lest I summon it.

Okay, I'm in. This is me. Aren't I a catch? I look like I'm channeling the spirits of both Lyle and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Had to change it. Too stupid even for me.

Gee, you don't look like a slice of ham anymore. Now you're beefcake.

Now you're back to ham -- this is hella confusing.

Let's not forget the amazing tale of Poison Ivy/Dorian Gray/The Girl Who Sexually Gratifies Literature Fans. It might have been the best part!

Essentially, everybody on Assetbar knows everybody else on Assetbar a bit better than they did on Friday.

True, but what about those of us that went away for the weekend, and came back to this lovely "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" moment? What the dickens have you kiddies been up to? Has there been loud music? Dancing? Cigarettes? Necking?

It looks like I missed something big! Damn having to go to interviews and have many drinks with friends later! (Both went well, by the way).

I got my bone on like six times!

Six times!?

It's a Ray quote. I think my honeymoon record is five.

I knew that, I was just supplying you with the appropriate Teodor response.

I knew you knew, but wanted to brag.

this may have been covered in a previous post... but I have SO MUCH CUBBIES FOR YOUR AVATAR, it brings great joy to my dreary existance :D

Tekende, for some reason I pictured you fatter. Don't take that the wrong way. Your new avatar is just surprisingly dashing, is all.

Ha, now that's an idea. I am the absolute antithesis of fat. I weigh less than 120 pounds.

Thanks.

Now what about you?

Tekende eat a sandwich
would you like me to make you a sundae? PUT WEIGHT ON I COULD CRUSH YOU

Be sure to have extra cheese, Tekende.

Some men would pay handsomely for that.

My creepy comments are extra super creepy with my grimacing mug next to them.

The tiniest Tekende!

Personally, I can't shake my impression of you as Gordon Freeman's younger, yet even more educated brother.

Though it'd work even better if your comments were all "..."

I had to look up Gordon Freeman on Wikipedia. And then I laughed inside.

Whoa, for serious?!

I have a really big thing for Gordon Freeman and in fact my boyfriend looks remarkably like him, as in people have remarked upon it, quite often. And I- I- I keep typing the beginning of this sentence and then backspacing out of there because it is far too weird to write about, even on this, the craziest of assetbar comments pages.

Anyway yeah I hadn't actually made the tekende-Freeman connection in my own mind but now edwell says it, it totally makes sense. And I already mentioned tekende being damn hot, so I'd better not creep him out further by saying it again.

It's not creepy. It's quite nice. It's giving me an Ego though.

You weigh more than me SCREW YOU!

trickle-down

Mike Gravel does not talk about trickle-down! Don't shatter my perfect image of him!

did anyone else spend a couple seconds wondering how long it was before this started happening?

To the men of assetbar's eternal credit, only jollysaintpete and the guy with the 2000 sunglasses have done this so far.

I like to think they're being post-modern. Pomo, if you will. It makes it a lot easier to swall-THATS WHAT SHE SAID

I assumed they'd use more language like "hai wanna cyber lol"

Yea, but that hardly makes it better. It's like "hey I'm gonna say this really forward thing in a kind of ironic way so that it can seem like I'm just joking and don't really mean it but I'd still be thrilled if you were actually to comply."

I think we should all be celibate, no matter how lovely we find the pictures of those to whom our sexual preference pertains.

If we were all celibate, maybe there would be world peace. I say this genuinely; hand on face, hope to die.

No, we need to have more sex and the world will be a better place. Do you know what people do when deprived of sex for long periods of time? They find god and then bomb the shit out of other people for suggesting that their way isn't the only way. Definitely needs to be more sex happening in the world.

You make a very good point sir, I tip my hat and raise my glass in salute! Chubbied as well.

Thanks, my chubby/lame ratio was getting down to 2:1 range.

This comment filled me with warm fuzziness. Hug and smooch for you!!!

at the last second i decided to go with the less generally accepted spelling. i was wrong to do this.

Dude, chill. Reading too much into everything is kind of a running theme on Assetbar, and the obvious irony is that I could only make such an observation based on an extrapolation of my own inner thoughts in similar situations. We're all guilty of this in some way shape or form, you just happened to be the most direct about it which is why people saw fit to just mention it. No one's offended - let's not ruin the general vibe.

Ok, I just realized the irony of my using irony as an excuse for pointing out the pointlessness of your irony. I'd make an apology card out of this, but it would probably be more like an apology essay. So yea, sorry about that, carry on.

it's okay. now, achilleselbow, let us get really bizzay

That was the closest I've ever gotten to having two dudes fight over me! Next time, I hope for more fisticuffs.

*punches jollysantpete in the rad chillies*

*knocks over a chair*

*attempts to hold back tekende and while shrieking "he's not worth it"*

SCREAM!!!!!!

*carefully rights chair before professorhazard notices*

*chants fight repeatedly at top of voice*

*walks in unaware of what's going on and gets hit in the face by a flying beer mug*

"promptly sits down on the floor, closes eyes, and takes a deep breath"

*knocks a table on it's side, hides behind it, brandishes two nickle plated revolvers*

*lets out a good eight second scream in strix22's meditating face, causing him to suffer a heart attack*

*wants to be part of whatever is going on*

*chats up the girl while the fellers nurse their wounds*

*walks in and trips on a carelessly discarded rollerskate*

This is the best possible ending.

Ahhhhhh that is exactly what I was thinking!

*throws a beer bottle in a perfect spiral through the heads of all other suitors.*

But the rest of us have thought it. BTW, you're hot.

BTW, she's also 19...

I appear to have given you two chubbies at the same time!

If I were attempting to conceive for a child, tonight would be a good night.

I find your apology strangely heartwarming. A chubby it is.

I find your icon strangely heartwarming. That is what they get for their actions being so badly conveyed.

Thank ye. The way I see it, Violence Females Cuteness = a worthwhile icon, even if it's silly in essence.

There was supposed to be plus signs in there. I'm not sure if I forgot them or they were eaten. Just pretend they're there.

dudes..... Putin is on the assbar.. that's really him! it.. it must be right? don't get him mad

D-d-d-d-drubby!

I least I now know what to name my band.

"They Were Eaten"?

Actually, that's kind of cool.

Ha, actually "Violence Females Cuteness" was what I was referring too, but now I can't decide between the two.

Thank you for trying.

That, and the lames that the first psot usually gets.

It brings a tear to my eye.

it's cause your icon looks like kari from mythbusters. everyone likes HER. and you too though.

I don't really think that she looks like Kari from MythBusters.

But that is a compliment from me, because I hate Kari from MythBusters with a burning, firey, somewhat abnormal passion.

So hey, that's a goood thing!

wait what's the problem with kari?

I actually like Kari, she used a parasol in one episode for sun protection and that's all it takes to win me over.

But I think the fact that you said "actually" kind of lends to the fact that there might have originally been some hesitation?

I don't know. To me, she just sort of seems like the type of girl that girls love to hate.

Not to mention the fact that she's begging to let Tory (and, not to mention, Adam) into her pants on a regular basis.

No, I dont' hate her because she's a slut. I have many friends who pride themselves in their whoredom, and I support them to the end.

I dislike her because she's annoying, and everything that comes out of her mouth sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

I just imagined an eight-year-old Macaulay Culkin saying that and had my first laugh of the day. Thank you, thank you so much. A chubby to you.

Thegoodwillgirl's foxy handfacebabe photo says NO to you, eyeball.

I will sacrifice foxiness to know that she is a piece of garbage, and I am not.

Maybe you should do what men do when confronted with such a woman, don't pay attention to anything she says

I might take this opportunity to note that I wholeheartedly regret sharing the fact that I don't find her appealing.

I apologize, comrades. I knew not what I did.

Kari is nerdbait, and you insulted her on the internet.

I do not condone peoples' reaction, but I must say you should have seen it coming.

I am just sorry I brought her up in the first place. Sighz.

That's ok, I'll back you up. Fuck Kari. There it is done. I may love me some "loose women" but she is not the girl I want to be gettin' mad rutty with in the library.

There should be more people who are all about sluts.

i looked her up on the internet and the second result is a topless picture of a lady that is supposedly her. is it for real?

I'm not certain but the video of her heiny sure is!!

The people on digg or reddit mostly thought not.

For somebody who was away for the weekend without an internet connection (me), what the fuck happened here?

One lady decided to do a pastiche of Heccibiggs avataricon, then another, then it snowballed.

To run with the cool crowd, you need an avataricon of your face being touched by your hand.

Basically, I rule Assetbar now.

Welcome to my kingdom.

(I am kidding, by the way. This whole thing is very overwhelming and I'd be a terrible ruler.)

You should have taken the free fawning while you could.

I'm having the same reaction, jsut trying to figure out where and when this whole thing started, musta been on Saturday.

oh because those are some rude titties.

But thegoodwillgirl! Look!
http://www.zimwiz.com/gallery/kari/08_kari_byron_umbrella_1?full=1

Outside: I'm Sorry That I Said I Don't Like Kari From Mythbusters.

Inside: I Mean Clearly That Was Ridiculous She Is Actually The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Modern Television.

Apology accepted, now are you interested in my new venture achewoodparasolbabes.com Y/N

GoodwillGirl circles: Y.

im a year late for this bus, but im going to throw this out there anyway: when AFI played warped tour, davey havok walked around with a parasol to protect his creepywhite gothy skin from the sun.

Kari from MythBusters is God's Miracle and this is the last thing anyone should have to say on the matter.

My feelings on that Mythbuster are pro, for the most part. Every now and then she will say something and I will think oh my god she is a idiot, and I will dislike her until I forget that incident.

To quote lawbot:

YES

Girl can cold build a rocket-launcher and fire a machine gun at a tree until that tree is in half.

I'd totally tap Kari. C'mon, you guys telling me you don't find MythBusters the least bit erotic? You know, in that elegant, classical way.

Man you can say what you want about ladies as long as you add on the caveat "elegant classical way" in the postscript.

See?

That one James Bond special, she was wearing a dress... I totally shut the blinds and lit some candles.

seonded. I'm all about Grant. Science is hell of sexy.
Please don't tell my mom i said this.

What she thinks you're a lesbian? Or she hell of hates science?

She's hoping i'll take up with a normal dude. I met my last boyfriend in Theatre Tech. She only wants grandbabies that don't get wedgies.

Side Note: Girls seem to dig me more than guys do. It is a serious problem. Would that i were a lesbian.

I have the same problem with guys. But I am not gay. It really doesn't help me at all. But I guess it is flattering, in a weird way.

Not in a wierd way, just flattering. I'm flabbergasted that anyone takes offense to being hit on by anyone at all. It is a complement.

The few times I have been hit on by dudes (raves are good places for this, it seems) I have been happy. "Yay," I think, "someone likes me!"

It just annoys me, but not because I have an inherent problem with being hit on dudes. The situations where this happens, I will be at a crowded party and feel someone cop an ass-grab. I turn around, and I can't identify the culprit, and all the guys immediately behind me are dudes. And I'm like "awww"

It's not the idea of being hit on by guys, it's just that the situations build my hopes up and turn out sort of disappointing.

When I say "guys immediately behind are dudes," guys = people.

I hated that snow monster SO MUCH it creeped the fuck out of me how he'd just come running out of nowhere and kill me when I just wanted to ski and avoid trees and rocks and stuff

MOOOOOM!
Charchar wants to kiss scientists on the titties!
(I know titties really doesn't apply here, but I'm not about to suggest that an innocet assetbabe wants to kiss a TV dude on the dingdong)

RABBIDPANDA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE IT'S A TRAP

...Are you Pete Cox: Football Hero?

I was, once. So long ago.

this meeting, this is fate

rabbidpanda, you are a good egg.

Thirded? I loves me some Asian nerds.

Actually, thegoodwillgirl, you kind of loook like Kari from MythBummers.

And yours looks like something Mythbuster's ran over with a tank.

v-chub for both the comment and the "dr. strangeglove" name.

but i don't (usually) feel like i'm being an asshole on assetbar, seeing that i only lame comments that really deserve it. my lame-to-chubby ratio is okay (chubby-to-comment, not so much) but i have been only allowed lames few and far between.

and don't even get me STARTED on my lack of spam marking privileges.

I wish I had a chubby left.

I feel like I should lame her, to be rebellious.
But what has she ever done to me?
Nothing I tell you. Nothing.

besides, you are the good will girl.

Yes. I will pretend that I actually possess some good will, and that I don't just work at a Goodwill store.

Although that's the case. *smile emoticon.*

i figured as much.

Please do not commingle breasts and shit in the same thought process: who knows what sort of conversation you might start, and I think Assetbar has been through enough this week.

Or exit them.

these are the famous last thoughts of a lot of women who get abducted on the internet. On the INTERNET!

Autre, I think we have to use cute picture of ourselves with our hands on our cheeks now. Do you have one of those? Coz I don't. Maybe you can lend me one.

Unfortunately, I'm only capable of sneering, scowling, and leering. :_(

I've got a patented self-conscious smirk. Between the two of us, we can make this work.

Man if all the ladies used cute pics of ourselves we could run this joint! Or at least the part of it that likes cute pics of ladeez. I don't know what we would do with it though.

that is an odd thing to make a sad face about. Did your parents want a girl or something?

are you really Bill Hicks?

is your head that small?

and yellow.

perhaps he just wishes he were a lady. being a lady is fantastic.

Yes, yes, it is.
I love having boobs of my very own.

WOAH you went back!

Well, I did say that Kitty Nom Nom would return Monday (today).
I know some people want to keep theirs up longer, but I am feeling a bit exposed anyways. I need to hide behind my corn!

Corn? You live in Iowa?

Haha, NO
I live in Southern California. My usual thumbnailavataricon is a cat eating an ear of corn. That would be obvious if I didn't keep switching my pics around. Bad, bad me.

the cat eating the corn is one of my favorite things

It is cute though. All peeping in the windows of a tiny house, a look of malicious glee on your face...

My avatar is a machine gun covered in christmas lighting that i saw through a window in New York.

<---my avatar is a picture of myself...

I want to play!

Cute girls of Assetbar unite!

Looks like a face avatar party to me.

And I'd like to join.

Please to be touching face with hand.

There.

and a high-five for your extreme lack of punctuality!

True dat.

I ain't got wimmins junk down round my nethers, and I also have a hunch changing my profile pic away from the esteemed Mr. Fry may result in a backlash of surprising proportions. Otherwise I'd do it.

YOU DID IT

Dude, you startled him. Now it's gone back in.

Boooo I want to see SpinyNorman's face!

I know! Me too!

Norman, the girls of AssetBar have spoken...

Goddamn, that got noticed quick. All right, consider the profile pic reloaded.

Joy.

Changed it too a slightly more distinct picture... Am I just criminally retarded, or is it impossible to get these things to upload right?

If it's 50px wide but less than 50px tall when it displays it looks like a less-than-sightly arse, if that's what you mean.

You need to get a picture taken of yourself with Mr. Fry as this would meet everyone's needs. Possibly just photoshop him in there. Even better, photoshop Stephen Fry with his hand on your face.

Yes, this would be excellent.

Well, if Fry's gone, I may as well do away with Laurie.

Why are so many of you fellas good-looking? This is ruining my whole image of the internet.

Hey. Turns out Spinynorman's hot. I suspected as much.

I think Spinynorman should help me work it out in a thorough and scientific way (ie. tongues).

Man I'd've chubbied you so much today 'Bot if that NO thing didn't remind me of a terrible human I once knew. I am morally wrong on this, I expect. But seriously, he was awful.

Y.... yay?

Luckily, the handface picture available to me is fairly lascivious (accidentally, of course). Now you must decide what to believe, Spinynorman. The picture or the floating box information? THE PICTURE OR THE FLOATING BOX INFORMATION? You can take this opportunity to review some stuff if you want. Either way works for me.

this is getting so hot.

This is about as confusing as when blahmargarky changed her icon to her dressed like Prince. All these different parts of my brain are arguing with each other over the evidence and whether it's rockin' man-dangle or not, sort of like an episode of Homicide: Life on the Street. There is nothing more sexual than a bunch of overweight, under-paid men standing around chainsmoking and yelling at each other.

Then there's always that one kind of weird detective with a big grin on his face who keeps saying, "Does it even matter anyway? Would you still go for it?" but yeah no one pays attention to that guy

so to answer your question yes

norman, i really thought your old avatar was you.

i'm sad that it isn't.

Naw. It's Stephen Fry.

What's funny though is that at least in every other strip one or two people ask who it is and if it's me. Then about sixteen people explain who Stephen Fry is.

Exactly!
Killinger too, all usually hiding behind Hypnotoad...
Oh, who am I kidding? A bunch of you all are hot.
And Loneal, I hope that's a real pic of you, cause it's awesome.

yeah i'm really pleased with what a good looking crowd we've got going here. was totally not expecting it.
also: agreed on the spinynorman cuteness.

Seconded. Kind of an 'aw shucks' sort of restrained ruggedness.

"Aw shucks" are indeed the words that have been circling in my head for the last hour or so.

I mean come on gang you guys are gonna make me go all pink and such, some fellows need a day's worth of preparation to accept a compliment out of fear of appearing Prideful

I know!! Seriously, Assetbar boys, why are you all so damn cute?!

I like to think I'm cute the same way a baby raccoon is cute - it's adorable and you want to cuddle it, but you don't because it's probably been going through your garbage all night and might have rabies.

...wait. That's not adorable not all.

it is adorable through the internet, because i can't smell you or catch your diseases.

We're developing that technology.

I've cheated.

I came late to the party but here I am in all my ned glory. I took the pic just for Assetbar and I should explain that I only recently saw Amelie so I will be making that face for a while.

Ned=nerd.

Ned is a nerd. Fuck that guy.

Ah, I was wondering. For a minute there I thought you were wearing a faded Celtic shirt in your photo or something...

(Explanatory note)

Some guys like California
Some guys dig Baltimore
I been with chicks in both locales
They all say that I snore

Yesss, I had a chubby left for you!

.............


that'swhatshesaid.

Word.

This is a fantastic project.

It is a perfect...project!

Falseprophet, you look like the exact opposite of what I imagined you. I thought you'd be all gangly white kid, shagged hair all tumbling, all horn-rimmed glasses, a touch of contentment in your overall displeased demeanor.

The internet teaches you to stereotype?

It does indeed. I do have glasses but they are not horn-rimmed. I removed them for the picture because of the inevitable glare from the laptop screen beneath my webcam.

If it is any consolation, more than a few black people in my community mistake me for a white person after meeting me face to face.

I always figured falseprophet's first avatar (which be had up for a few months a while back) was a picture of him, and if I recall correctly, it wasn't a picture of a gangly white kid.

Plus he's renowned as the representative of Black America on AssetBar. How do you not know this.

Yeah that was me, from back when I had dreads. Had to cut em off after graduation. Then I did an interview for an internship at a tiny weekly newspaper and the other intern who had already been hired was a high school classmate who still had his massive jewfro. And I felt foolish.

I think it's because the jews have connections.

is ironic antisemitism still cool?

Much like ironic racism only works if you're black, I imagine ironic antisemitism only works if you're Jewish.

Otherwise they'll come in the night and drink the blood of your unborn children.

Sweet, does this mean I can make dirty wetback and fag jokes?

On the f*g end, you join the ranks of such as Scott Thompson.
On the w*tb*ck end, Carlos Mencia.
Choose wisely.

People sometimes think I look Jewish, so I can be like the Carlos Mencia of Jew-jokes!

I wish no one would be the Carlos Mencia of anything. Including and especially Carlos Mencia.

Maybe it's just the picture, but you look a lot like Jeff Goldblum to me.

Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park 1 or 2?

Err, I suppose the first one, since he was younger.
It was a compliment, by the way.
Well, as long as you aren't also freakishly tall.

awesome. I think 5'11 is an acceptable height for me to have.

achilleselbow, how you jewin'?

and by this I mean are you in the Jew crew? and by this I mean are you a Jew, because I am. Me and my brother constantly use 'jew' as a verb, usually in place of 'do' (what did you jew last night? are you jewing anything good at the weekend? and so on)

gah, I mean 'my brother and I'.

I feel sort of oddly... almost guilty for contributing further to the absolutely ludicrous number of comments on this strip. When people come to read it later they will be all 'WHOA TOO MANY COMMENTS', so I dunno, I... I feel like I shouldn't comment unless I have something really funny to say? Does anybody else feel this way sometimes?

Yes, I do. I would hate to add another frivolous comment...

oh my dogg I do believe from your avatar that you are a good friend/coworker of my roommate. tell Billy I said hi >_<

Ha ha OK... mystery man.

Ha ha OK... mystery man.

I jew, but hey, what are jew gonna do?

I for one will practice my Mexican jewdo.

that's the stuff! Now you can move on to level 2, make ridiculous puns and claim that you want to start a tribute band called The Get Up Yids. Or Yid Row. Or The Kikey Kikey Bosstones. Jewey Jewis and the Jews was a good one too.

Vchub for Jewey Jewis and the Jews.

I'm always reluctant to answer this question because of the failure of most people to distinguish between the religion, the culture, and the ethnicity (if there even is such a thing). So I'm forced to say I'm an agnostic atheist who's half Ukranian jew, half Tajik... and all action.

Agnostic and atheist at the same time... That's a good trick

One word means you don't think it's possible to know for certain if there's a god, and the other means that you don't believe there's one - that is, you don't think it's likely and don't live your life as if you think that one exists.

I thought atheist meant that you believed firmly that there's no God, but I'm okay about being wrong now and then.

I wonder if there's a word for when you think that, instead of wearing a crucifix/star of David/whatever, you think you should be wearing a question mark, because you just don't know? Not that you think it's inherently unknowable, just that you personally haven't got a clue and aren't ever going to.

I always thought the difference was that one had a beard.

Even the women.

But here on the faith Venn diagaram do the beardnecks sit?

Diagram

Where, not here. I am obviously incapable of typing now, so I'm just going to stop

Wearing a question mark would make you one of the lesser Dr Whos.

M... me?

anyone.

But YES YOU!

Oh wow, remarkably similar to me sort of! And yeah I know what you mean, I hardly ever meet anybody who ticks all the boxes of jewry (i.e. practising and by upbringing and so on) so I'm totally down with the idea that that's a difficult question and usually doesn't have a quick answer. Hecks, this is why we have Wikipedia: Who is a Jew? (Answer: your mum).

My own mum is a convert so there was always quite a bit of the ol' religion around when I was growing up, now I do not go to shul or believe that organised religion is particularly healthy or that it is possible to believe in an interventionist god, and so on, and wait a minute I'm not about to start discussing my intellectual outlook on religion on Acheworld, that ain't right, why did I even-

I'm Sorry I Asked You About Judaism On The Internet
(Inside) Oy gevalt, am I right bro?

Cutie picture space race! Uniting is for the 5's, divide and conquer for the 10's.

Well done Assetbar. Only a year to get the ladies of the community to reveal something real about themselves. A new internet record!

*flex the sexy muscle*

They ain't no lady
Like an Achewood Lady
Cause an Achewood Lady don't stop

Hellofyellin, you have the kind of face that a person can be enthusiastic about.

That was a very kind thing for you to say. You gets a chubby.

I'm really enjoying this face-thumbnail gig. Makes me feel closer to you folk. If any of you all are in New York City, we should hang.

I also love the regal manner with which you contemplate the ever-elusive mysteries of a slowly deepening Universe.

Yes. I think I am enthusiastic about your face, hellofyellin. And you look pretty stoked about it too! Hurrah!

WHY THANK YOU

(that is what my pic is saying)

You know, man or lady, I didn't really have any visual expectations about anybody here. But I'll be damned if I didn't [i]always[/] think that hellofyellin probably just happened to look exactly like Anthony Bourdain.

Always seemed to fit his comments really well, all talking about fine food and drink.

oh damn always

Fuckin' always.

(if I had Photoshop I'd have that picture of Shatner from Wrath of Khan all screamin' ALWAYS!!! right here)

You are named after a card game in the Star Wars universe. That earns you a v-chubb.

...the who the what now?

Not that I don't appreciate the unintentional Star Wars tie in, but I got it from a funny little thing in a mostly serious movie--the 'Ham' costume that Scout wears in the moviefilm of "To Kill A Mockingbird". I laughed so hard at that...

Ohhh I haven't seen the movie of To Kill A Mockingbird but I recently read the book and loved it. People talk about what ana amazing, must-read book it is, which I agree with, but no one ever mentions how damn funny it is. Like, the bit where Jem tells Scout to be a gentleman. That made me laugh out loud on the train for God's sake.

I'll have to watch the film.

Yes--deliciously sweet and funny. As a "read the book first" guy, it makes me happy that you have done so, but I do encourage viewing the film, because it is very good in it's own right. ...and just try not to laugh at the costume...

That scene in the book, with the costume, and Scout running onstage late and the old man laughing so hard he had to go outside and take his pills, is in my opinion one of the funniest scenes in American literature to date.

Second to when Appleby and Orr are playing table-tennis.

Not you buddy, but I love the avatar. I was talking to sabbac.

Sabacc.

Didn't realize that that was most likely not what his username was referring to. SO... I'm just going to nod my head to the music, hold my drink in front of my chest and head back to the kitchen of this house-party of a thread and lean on the Counter of Self-Imposed Obscurity.

ahhh soooo! I couldn't trace that one back properly...
and for you, a virtual "chubby of situational apology"...

It's totally what my username was referring to - I'll join you in the kitchen. Got (blue) milk?

All out. I'll pick some up at the Tashi Station. I've got to grab some power converters anyways, so it's no problem.

i knew it! my name is scout, and i've been looking for another scout my whole life. thank you... sort of.

A geek-chub? Accepted with thanks.

Yeah, this is...this is nuts! when I got on here last night only thegoodwillgirl and heccibiggs had cute girl photos as icons. Now it's like Assetbar has been taken over by attractive females!

Not that I'm complaining.

Er, margargaret, not thegoodwillgirl.

dammit.

I was famour for approximately one Assetbar minute in a tekende post.

Wow. Harsh.

you have misunderstood, he wasn't implying that thegoodwillgirl did not have a cute girl icon (the dude is not blind). He was was just correcting his timeframe error.

Ooh!

*curtsey*

Yes, numberkillinger is correct.

Sorry, it didn't even occur to me that it might look like I was saying thegoodwillgirl as unattractive.

You are all very attractive, ladies

Keep up the good work

Yo, being hot is not just genes, it is an art, and we Achewood ladies are masters of the trade. We could teach this shit at a professorial level, only they won't let us coz they know society would totally fucking explode if there were too many girls who knew how to be hot. Classes combining sexy teachers and sexy schoolgirls would end the institution of higher education as we know it.

Daaamn! I guess my answer could use some work!

I know that, silly. I was just pointing out the possibility of that interpretation for everyone's discomfort.

oh... well now i feel discomfortable.

You.. you look like Neil Patrick Harris in this picture. I saw Harold and Kumar recently.

Man, I am in the group. Hardcore. I get NPH and Conan O'Brien like no tomorrow.

i get astroboy from the hair anomoly

That's the corner of a picture behind me.

oh rats

Hahaha, vchub.

I started a revolution!

This is so fucking weird.

I mean, don't get me wrong, this is cool and all, but understand that for the past year or so I've thought of all of you people as basically small magic goblins living in my computer off of Internet, a natural resource farmed or possibly mined somewhere in rural Ohio. To have a face to match with comments and understand that you're people like me and thus are capable of living, breathing, being prosecuted for one to several counts of first degree murder, or maybe even getting a boat loan, is sort of a trip.

Paradigms have shifted. Schisms have been rewritten. Handles have been vigorously jiggled. Tomorrow I wake to a new dawn, yet I believe it may just a better one.

Hear hear.

I plan on calling you Stephen Fry from now on, just for comfort's sake.

Yeah, there ain't no easy way out from behind that shadow

Oh Stephen Fry, ain't that the truth?

hahahahahahahahahahaha

Quick! Somebody get in a fight with me about feminism! I need to find out if people will take me more or less seriously now that they know I'm a marginally attractive girl!

I'm not sure what it means to be taken seriously on a board where people spend time making fake apology cards and hastily photoshopped buggery.

You make a fair point, Macauley. A fair point, indeed.

<i> ...hastily photoshopped buggery...</i>

DAMMIT. I hate that I spend so much time with SPSS that I cannot even remember the difference between html and bbcode thingits. Is most basic thing!

Brackets, not carats.

I predict that you will in some instances be taken more seriously. Example: certain feminist policy prescriptions can be taken as certain feminists trying to force men in general to do things to benefit them because no way in hell would these women be able to get particular, individual men to do things to benefit them.

This post is not to imply that you are one of those women or have made those sorts of arguments. It is just to say that it would be much harder to dismiss you as an embittered man-hater.

I doubt anyone thinks it through that far.

Attractive women can enjoy witty banter AND comics you know.