Kinda felt the same when I got there. (Although why I was thinking of you, I'm not sure. . .)

FUCK YOU ALL....im right.

Like I said, "Suck my dick, fucker."

damn

I'm gullible

I think this is fakery, the account was created just minutes ago.

there are two underscores in there, but if it is fake, then that is some very realistic copy that got written. And I completely concur about the image posting.

It's some kind of Low Shenanigan is what it is.

With a grain of truth inside.

I don't to be too pedantic about this, because this is a self-regulatory forum on the internet, a comparatively vibrant one, and the thing democracy does best is disappoint you about human behavior. But I do wish some of the angrier threads could be collapsed or something, or that, just once in a while, people wouldn't feed the trolls just because work is boring.

Again, this is not to be pedantic, because fuck if I haven't posted some pictures of horses with dogs' heads and other shit. But far more often than not, we do manage to elevate this forum out of the usual genetic refuse of anonymous internet posting and it would be nice if we, somehow, managed to not be total dicks more often.

There is only one viewed strip, so it is not the same account that has already posted a few times recently. However, this does not mean that the person isn't part of the achewood teacm. I think that it is still likely that this is a person we should listen to. What the person is saying does make perfect sense. I'm sorry, all, for posting that picture of the Doug/Skeeter/Patti Wobbly H. I won't do it again.

Let it be known, though, that a lot of traffic, probably, is from us Assetbarians checking new comments. However, traffic does not neccessarily mean more people buying from the store. It does mean more loyalty, however.

I do hope that the new forums will be made quickly, and is somewhat organized. We can just have two threads, even. One can be random, the other can be comic discussion. Because I really love the randomness of it all, but I can understand how people can be annoyed by a bunch of nonsense while other people just want discussion of the comic.

I thought that Assetbar was Onstad's creation. Isn't Achewood the only contractee? I can't find any others.

I guess I'll going to TOUAMB, or whatever it's called.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/msjacoby/2403205461/

I have shamed myself.

Psh, this is totally fake. A woman would never be able to administrate something on the internet!

What kind of hosting scenario are we talking about here? You're not hosting the images. How many MB per day?

This is bullshit, y'all. I met one Assetbar developer at the launch party and have emailed with another, and they were talking about expanding and improving Assetbar/Fanflow, partially to keep out trolls like this AIU fool who is posing as admin right now. I somehow doubt Onstad would have invited his Assetbar dudes to the launch party if he were about to cut them off.

It does seem like pretty horrifying business sense to euthanize an entire community that has grown up around your intellectual property.

I'm...feeling sheepish about my quick nervousness here.


(Someone please post the grisly image of a misshapen fetal sheep.)


(please don't actually do this)

Anyone hear a wind blowing?

Dust.


Wind.


Dude.

There were many steps and columns.
It was most tranquil.

You were punked.

Man loneal you got so much rage coming out of you these days your T-Zone is leaking fury

"These days"?

Also, since I am up near the top of the page here, I just want to say that if any other Assetbastards are going to the GOF launch party on Saturday, you should come say hi to me, because I don't know what you look like, but you probably know what I look like from my old avaticon. I will take the form of a small blond girl with a nose ring, standing next to a tall, thin, goateed boy.

Someone called Marc Antony "king of the goats" in an episode of Rome that I watched last night, referring to his pronounced and wild libido, which seems superficially appropriate, what with the horns/hooves/beards, but really "king of the goats"? He wasn't eating a hockey stick, tire, etc., he was hitting on a houseservant. "King of the rabbits", maybe? If rabbits had impressive horns, they'd dominate the sexual simile scene.

Goats have enormous balls. I don't know if that's what it was about, but it seems relevant.

Goats are pretty fuckin' awesome. Seriously. I'd much rather be "King of the Goats" than "King of the Rabbits".

I don't know which throne would be more unstable. On the one hand, a male goats' weapons are rather obvious and they butt heads to fight for ze wimmenz. But on the other hand, rabbits can be pretty damned violent, if Watership Down tells us nothing else. Plus, there'd be so many of them ! And you're life-span would be much shorter.

Sure, King of the Rabbits would get hella more sexin' - but how much more than the average peasant? They're frikkin' rabbits, after all* And after a while it'd surely mean nothing anymore, sorta like if you were a pornstar: surely, a sure-fire way to ruin your sex life.

King of the Goats all the way.


*See also: King of the Squirrels. Totally unprotected and everything.

Chubby for Full Metal Panic: Fumoffu? avicon.

Believe it or not, I had no idea where this was from. I am not one who is a fan of anime in general. Not against it, just not really into it.

I am, however, a fan of the wonderful calibre of wrestling from the Far East. And upon spying on another forum an avatar of some kind of anime wherein a chick was giving a dude a Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex - I just had to have it .

Clip one.

Clip two.


That's right, boys: female wrestlers in Japan can actually wrestle. Not like the glorified pole dancers in the West. No, no: the moves that chicks made up 15 years ago, most white guys in Western Wrestling are still shit scared to do.


(for further knowledge as to why this move really hurts and most guys are too pussy to do it, realise that your arms are what breaks your fall and keeps you from being winded. From that height, you're gonna have a bad headache if you fuck it up just a bit.)

Ow.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Oh man, is anyone else going to that? I'm torn between that and a concert and I don't want to go if it's going to be lame.

I was thinking of going (SFO is a quick flight from where I live), but I don't want to go if it's going to be lame.

(Is it going to be lame?)

It will be if no one else is going.

Um I will be there so it will obviously be rockin'. Duh.

Nerd? There will be nerds there?
/me clicks the launch party link and finds that the venue is a comic book store
Okay, I guess there will be nerds there.

AS will I. So it will be nearly as epic as the GOF itself.

I considered going, but a look at plane tickets made me decide that going to San Francisco for a day is Something I Cannot Afford.

It's soooo lame to fly 3000 miles across the country. SO lame.

[IMGS OFF]

Then take these pictures, man, and randomly PhotoShop Bruce Campbell in there, and we can all pretend that it was me and that that is what I actually look like. Although thank goodness it is not.

[i]Chupa mi pene, loneal.[i]

(?)

I think the Captain is talking to himself again quick everyone ask for a pay rise while he's insane

When is it time for the "I Hate Marco Show"? I want to give that mailbox head what for!

hey gabacha, 'asshole' is 'pendejo', comprede?

I thought that was "dickhead".

Oye, puta, pendejo es "idiot"

I don't really think you're a puta, we're just on this spanish curse words thing.

Well... it's literally "pubic hair". So, no, I guess it doesn't have a direct equivalent, but it probably has an "impact" equivalent, yes?

OK. Nice. Now zip it up, acheman!

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Gigglyfacts make me laugh. This was one.

impact equivalent yes, but this is not the matter at argument, as you can see

If my understanding is correct it would most accurately be "Suck my penis, cuckold". Not a common insult in English, but I guess if one is to assume that the spouse is a metaphorical the concept of insulting one's masculinity and sexual prowess is pretty standard.

Thank you assetbar I think I will...

Hair on my chest and lead in my pencil. I too approve.

OK, Tekende. Now please zip up.

Chubbied. This is not "I CAN HAS ACHEWOOD" -- nor should it become "I CAN HAS TEKENDE'S PENIS."

Lechatbotte: do the right thing.

Tekende brings the pain.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Thank you Glad. Solidarity, man, solidarity!

The thought of your hairy ass makes me even more uncomfortable wehn I realize I don't even konw what pecies it is.

This post has been brought to you by typing whith hmy eyjs closed and pre. Seriously eyelids are way too much work.tending I know hw to ue the backspace properly

Akarroa: Ya' made my day with this one!

(Roast Beef wanted me to tell you he doesn't approve.)

Meow meow, tiger.

;0) ;0) ;0)

alright that is wildly inappropriate SORRY EVERYBODY i wont be the perverted older lady in the apartment complex who wears coral lipstick anymore

Well, this has gone to unexpected and possibly weird places.

...sexy places?

RED ALERT RED ALERT: I did not really intend to see anyone's junk tonight, I was just meaning to strike an easy pin in this bowling game we call assetbar.

So please everybody stop changing your avatars to pictures of dicks and assorted balls

(note for the future: this really was the way it went down on lo that September 13th)

(ah tee hee, hee)

Note for the future: no it wasn't

As a community, we have the option of proving either Tekende or Autrepoupee wrong.

I would show a picture of my penis but it would be so overwhelming to you all as to result in numerous unexplained pregnancies in the less fortified of characters out there, along with multiple cases of "the vapours".


I didn't say whether this was because it was good or bad or big or small or what. Just....overwhelming.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Dude, I can get you a picture of him, and a bottle of oil, and a night's stay at a local motel, and you can have a whole lotta fun - but just the fuck up.

Hi, this is the future. We totally don't believe you.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Would this be a "wrong" place to add ". . . in my pants"?

Dude, that last post was a bit harsher than meant. I was literially laughing my head off as I wrote it.

I'd have said so sooner, but part of having a life to really live means not being in front of the 'puter 24/7, so now is the soonest I've been able to get back with ya'.

Let me clean up a little with ya'. I'll start by saying what is so for me: I almost always enjoy reading your posts. Your voice and input have made a difference for me in reading comments before I even had an account here. You are one of the last folks here I would want to authentically offend.

My only question: If the "catty" remarks really put you off that much, why would you start with a threat, especially one as ineffectual as that, before you tried just sharing with me how that strikes you? Or was it just meant for humor?

Dude, help me understand.

(This was aimed at Tekende.)

By the way: >MEOW!<

That was pretty much meant humorously.

Also I did mention that the cat thing was annoying a few days ago. But whatever.

Thank you for the clarity.

[ TEKENDE COME ON SHOW ME HIM NAKED ]

If wanting to see skinny white guys naked is wrong, please let me off at the next universe. Or at least buy me a mirror.

I thought you were going to end that with "then I don't want to be right."

I want to be right so hard that I am expecting the universe to change to fit my desires.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

as i was scrolling past, i read that as PLURRRR and got confused for a moment.

Whoa, Old Greg flashback.

That update gives me an erection.

Hey now...

That's good news. Still, fuck assetbar... no uh... you're right.

FUCK BBCODE

Oh my God. Oh my God amazing. I'm going to look at so many comments on older strips that I've never seen. I'm so happy. This will surely keep me amused until I'm tired.

Tired enough to go to bed, I mean. It's past midnight and there's no one online to talk to but I don't want to go to sleep yet. Who hates this? I do.

If you can find the appropriate information on facebook, and have the inclination to do so, I am happy to talk to assetbarians via instant messenger in a completely different way to hedonismbot.

omg i luv ur hair, chuppy!

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Oh hecci, you're so cute when you're being cyber-stalked.

Aperson - you've changed!

Changed into a giant rabbit, no less. And she's about to eat an airplane.

Harvey, anyone?

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy, Doctor, I finally won out over it.

...The Dark Knight Returns?

Jimmy Stewart, in Harvey.

At least I was honest about it when I did that.

Chubby for unwarranted meanness.

I'm out of chubbies, but I just want to say that this comment made me laugh really, really hard.

HELLO HECCIBIGGUS I CONFEST I AM ATTICUSONLINE, HOWEVERS, I AM NOT STILL STALKING YOU. IT WAS GOING REAL WELL UNTIL I STARTED TO UNCOVERS MORE AND MORE PICTURES OF YOU AN D YOU ARE CUTE BUT I FINALLYS DECIDED YOU ARE TOO FATS. SORRY. YOUR ASSETBARS ICONS IS A RMISEPSENTATION OF YOU. I KNOW YOUS HAVES ME BLOCKED SO YOU WILL NEVERS EEE THIS CONFESSION SO YOU WILL STILL THINKS I AM STALKING YOUS. HA HA HA. WHATEVER. GIVING YOURSELF TOO MUCH CREDITS.

Actually I don't have you blocked.

Oh. Well, I may as well stop laming you, then.

Wow, those tiny ignore markers can be hard to see.

Ah yes, memories. Like when I asked you who your picture was, and you thought I was coming across the Atlantic to stalk you.

Fuck You!

I feel the same way Connie does.

This is one of my favorite pet peeves. Whenever possible I do whatever I can to deface the sign to eliminate the offending extraneous apostrophe.

I like Cornelius's solution better though.

Oh crap, you're right! I missed that. Good catch.

(Now I owe you one.)

: )

I am pleasantly amazed at how many chubbies this comment has gotten.

Think of the extra yuks you delivered to our lives. Worth at least a chubby. (One is from me.)

Awwww

Shit, I didn't even see the Window Guy's one. I only saw the estimate's.

I took an embarrassingly long look around the panel for window related offenses against Cornelius. Did he want a window installed and the store was closed, no window in the door makes the store offensively ideosyncratic...an apostrophe on their foreheads, eh? Holy Smokers, is that a Dante reference or something? What did...oh, the fucking grammatical error. Check.
notebook scribble: "He's neurotic about grammatical errors/is the grammar police".

May many chubbies be yours today, friend.

You guys are just lucky you don't live in Puerto Rico. Here, you're lucky if a sign doesn't titillate by claiming a used car possesses ownership of the telephone number written below.

I'll see about following up with photographs during the week so you can all visualize my point more clearly.

When I was an uneducated kid, my problem was commas. I would go comma wild and my sentences would basically suck ass. Over the years I have had to retrain myself in this matter, however that ghost has always loomed over me..

Such as that one between matter and however?

I think a period would be better. I'm not 100% sure.

Yeah. That def makes more sense.

No way! Its not like I'm trying to piece together two closely related sentences together. I just made a complex sentence. If you used a period or a semicolon it wouldn't flow as well; it would be all choppy. If anything I think I would have license to actually add another comma after the however, but that would make it sound kind of old fashioned.

Nah, that's a comma splice. An extra comma would be even worse. Semicolons for President up there is right.

I have to go with semi-colon here.

Go get pegged in a room

Two disparaging references in the same strip. What's Onstad got against rooms anyway?

up to eight tenths of bad things are known to happen in rooms. fact.

Whaaaat the fuck?

Semi-colon would be so much smoother without the however. Or maybe a semicolon, followed by a comma after the however?

Minus a however, because that's a conjunction, and semi-colons erase the need for conjunctions.

"Over the years I have had to retrain myself in this matter; however, that ghost has always loomed over me..."

You're right, that would work better as a new sentence. Not that it would be functioning as a conjunction in that case.

I don't think you can start a new sentence with a conjunction though. I think adding a semi-colon and removing the "however" is the way to go. Or just start a new sentence minus the however.

Yeah, actually if I could go back and do it all over I probably would have done that. Another added bonus of using semicolons is that they bestow a certain amount of sophistication.

I agree; they're the best.

SEMICOLONS
LOVE THEM
(sorry)

I go through phases of using them heavily or not at all, and whenever I do I think I use them too much.
Obviously I'm in a "not at all" phase.

I hate the stuff you like...

Yeah, well what about...have you heard the Kenny Winkler?

Semicolons are the best thing ever. Seriously.

Even if a semi-colon is not appropriate, putting one in makes you sound more french, so it's a win-win.

Desole', mais comment ca te fait sonner "plus francais"?

Oh the french frickin eat up semi-colons. It's a sign of excellent sexual prowess to use semi-colons well in France.

The French are the main people of semi-colons.

Ca peut bien etre. Mais, comment ca te fait sonner plus francais?

Parskeh les francais avay more de la semi-colons dans leur writing - therefore avec plus de semi-colons soundet das writing plus franzosisch. C'est einfach. You're welcome.

There I go, laughing my hairy ass off again! A chubby for the effort.

Seriously, how does it make it sound more French? (What exactly is the sound of a semicolon?)

A smug tone of voice, a knowing nod from their handsomely attired friend... oh, you will know when they drop a semicolon in.

Well, you can talk about the sound of writing... can't you? But when spoken, a semi-colon is half way between a comma and a full-stop. Also, the nostrils flare slightly.

Flaring nostrils and a half-way between sound? You're right! It does sound more French! Thank you!

Now smoke while you are doing it!

Oh Hoh Hohnh!

I am a comma fiend as well. I attribute my problems to being taught that a comma means a "pause" in the sentence, like taking a breath.

I turned your thma into supper chunks last night

I don't know what 'thma' is.

It's an abbreviation for "Eternal September."

I am an avid supporter of the serial comma. I wince when I see it omitted.

I don't mind when people don't use it, but I can't quit it. I have an obsession for the serial comma almost as strong as my passion for the semicolon.

Semi-colons are overrated. Give me full colons any day. Love them. Tight.

Who's with me?

Turk?

Colonoscopy anyone?

I see what you did here :):)

I have an obsession with semi-colons too.

Express your love, then, in creepy italics

Fact: In Associated Press style, Oxford commas are omitted.
Opinion: I miss Oxford commas.

Actual fact: AP only omits the serial comma in short series, such as red, white and blue. All others get it. Now assume the position for some grammar discipline.

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

Me, featurelessvoid, and apparently soupkaty.

I've seen those English dramas, too-hoo

They're croo-hool.

Why would you speak to me that way

Yeah! Why would you talk to him that way?

Why would you lie 'bout how much coal you have? Why would you lie 'bout something dumb like that? Why would you lie 'bout anything at all?

Li'l Jon, he always tell the truth

Serial commas freak my shit out. They're like a little fire in the middle of my carpet. That's the way I react to them.

Ya totally! That is exactly my excuse too.

The Cornelius Solution is a Mod band name.

I wouldn't wanna live in a world without mistakes like that. It'd be boring as fuck.

It's a white-hot cattle brand in the shape of a Gothic apostrophe. It never cools and stands ready to stamp the
forehead of each and every one of us.

What does he want up his wife?

Mr. Onstad, please clarify. I am five years old and do not know much about these things.

Well, Billy, remember that time you put a marble up your nose, just because you could?

This is kind of like that. Except with a PENIS.

So he's gonna stick it up her nose?

No you idiot's, their goin to stick it up his penis

Urethral Stimulation.

It makes me feel weird to know that that is a thing.

SOUNDING.

nasallingus

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Do you know my dad?

What business is it of yours, friendo?

HI ACHILLESELBOW

"Home Movies". How I miss it.

:(

I miss it too.

But my sister has it on DVD!

(Come over and watch it with me)

fucking YES

First Beef's senior class photo and now the sign. Onstad appears to have apostrophes on the brain. Not that I take issue with that. Misuse of an apostrophe should rank somewhere in the middle rings of the inferno, possibly there among falsifers of metal (aka Whitesnake).

Whoa, dude, no need to get personal. I mean, unless you're in Whitesnake?

You totally just got called an imbecile for not liking Whitesnake. How come that shit never happens to me?

Dethklok has never even heard of Whitesnake.

(and, Promise kept!)

like a drifter i was born to walk alone

I have forwarded this message to Manowar. You have several hours to live, make good use of them.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Dude, have you heard the new Imbecile album? Slays.

He is so unamused.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Damn, mock that up with a golden sheen behind him, cut the pic off at the shoulders and you got yourself Varghamagarky

I think I know that dude. I think I hate that dude.

I don't know him, but I think I hate him.

He's the reason for my misery.

The filename of the image provided me with the dude's name, and the interweb told me more about him. Now I wish I knew much less about him.

Sort of the opposite of Tommy James and the Shondells' lament?

Before I saw Whitesnake, I thought that was a ring of hell I had missed out- illegal metallurgists? Not unlike illegally practicing chiropractors or lawyers, I imagine.

Isn't Whitesnake a disease of dogs? Like ringworm.

My knowledge of Spanish made this strip 22% more enjoyable

I get "chupa mi pene", but what's cabron?

Something crass.

see my comment below

http://www.wordreference.com/es/en/translation.asp?spen=cabron

a billy goat!

I don't think you should be allowed to own a business if your signs are not grammatically correct. Mistakes like this are becoming widespread enough as to be accepted into the lexicon.

But if it is accepted, then that means that it is no longer wrong.

If rape were accepted in a culture, would that make it any less wrong? No. People's ignorance and/or apathy is raping English. Sure, the language will live on after it's done, but there will always be that feeling you can't wash off.

It was a joke. I get what you're saying in that language changes over time, but there is good change and bad change. The changes that are happening to the language are happening due to lack of knowledge or people not giving a shit about their language. These are not changes that are coming up naturally, people are just disregarding any sort of convention.

No, that's what I'm saying. I think that a lot, if not all, of the changes that happened naturally happened because of people defying convention.
Contractions used to be slang once. Now they are accepted in everything except formal papers.
I still don't agree with it, however. This is because I'm afraid of change.

I'll expand on this more to-morrow.

That annoys me too.

And Facebook does it.
I just say "it".
(not really)

What really pisses up my leg is that facebook uses "they" to refer to a single person whose gender is right on their profile/. "Social networking" sites are obviously only free in exchange for tons of clandestine data mining, so don't fucking act like you don't know! I'm softening on the singular "they" thing, but I prefer to just switch between "he" and "she". It's funny how shocked people are to hear someone simply say "she" when referring to a non-specific singular person.

That's because dudes are the default gender and ladies are a special case. Even though women make up slightly more than 50% of the world's population.

I like "they" because for me, gender equality trumps grammar. I wish there were a grammatically correct version, though. That "ze" and "hir" stuff is pretty interesting, but it's not widespread enough for me to use without getting stares even more incredulous than the non-specific-she stares.

True, but "ze" and "hir" aren't gender-neutral as far as I understand them; they're used by some transgendered people who feel they fit their non male/female gender identity. Because of that, they're poor selections for a universal gender-neutral pronoun. That's one of the attractions of the "yo" phenomenon I wrote about a bit further down. I sympathize with your position that gender equality trumps grammatical accuracy, but I have to admit my inner pro-feminist is still duking it out with my inner grammarian.

Yeah that is the main use of "ze" and "hir" right now, but I think that's simply because even the people who are queer and feminist and shit still usually identify as a certain gender. There's no reason "ze" and "hir" wouldn't find greater use in a society where gender became less important.

I also just read this book where they used "person" instead of he or she and "per" instead of him or her, which I thought was kinda cool.

And that "yo" stuff is pretty cool, too! Any effort toward gender equality is pretty cool as far as I'm concerned.

Why can't we just speak German? German's got masculine, feminine and neuter pronouns, which would solve our problems. Of course, there is no logic to the assignment of these pronouns, but hey, ya take the bad with the good.

I would speak German, but I would rather stage an [sic] sexual antic with you.

Sie oder du? LOLOL

Don't LOL out loud. That is another thing that should not become a thing.

Well I didn't.

What was the extra OL for then?

Laughing...or lying??

Touche, cat yelling at a chicken, touche.

I'm nice on water, but I'm rude on Assetbar.

Therefore, water does not equal Assetbar.

I always thought Assetbar was something like Achewater anyway.

Yes, everybody: if you must LOL, please LOL in your room.

Actually, in embryonic development, female is the default gender. If a fetus that is genetically male (XY) fails to secrete just one particular hormone, it will develop a uterus, vagina, and cervix.

Yes, but somehow men are seen as the default gender in society, which is why people get weirded out when fuckyoufriday uses "she" instead of "he" for a general singular pronoun.

Yea, a lot of the philosophy papers I read specifically use "she" as a general/neutral pronoun. But I don't think this is an improvement - it strikes me as a contrived attempt at political correctness and calls obvious attention to the problem. I would gladly use 'they' if my professors considered it correct; until then I will continue to use 'he' precisely on the basis that it comes naturally and it's what I've absorbed reading everyone from Plato to Oscar Wilde.

Interestingly, when I was at Oxford, I used "he or she" in a paper, and my tutor was like, "Why don't you just use 'they'?" He was confused that I didn't think it was proper English.

I will counter this with the fact women have less active genetic material. One of the Xs in the last chromosome pair floats off and does nothing. We lads get to use all our DNA

wrong

Not wrong. Look up Barr bodies somewhere reliable. Women have 45 functional chromosomes, and one inactive in the Barr body attached to the side of the nucleus. You can see it for yourself if you have the right stain and a really good microscope.

[IMGS OFF]

Something tells me there's quite a few things inactive in the Barr body.

Not quite correct; it doesn't float off. Rather, methyl groups are attached to the histone (protein that holds DNA together), which has the effect of severely reducing expression. The main reason for this is that the Y chromosome has very little genetic material; in order for both males and females to be functional, there has to be some sort of equalization.

One cool effect of x-inactivation is that it doesn't happen until after a few cell divisions, so that one x can be active in one patch of cells and another can express a different x. Calico cats are a result of this (they get weird patches of colors.)

Unfortunately, we mainly use it for watching porn and eating tacos.

HI ACHILLESELBOW

actual translation: chicks may make up 50% of the population but their brains are still 20%of the size of a mans. reconcile that, waitress

man's

So, men's brains are reportedly five times the size of the plus-or-minus three pounds of brain your average female has? Wow, a real fat head might believe it!

gladi8orrex makes waitress sound like the coldest insult there ever was.

Some of these grammar rules being put forth here seem needlessly picky. What is everyone's opinion on dialectic speech? For instance, the use of "ax" instead of "ask" or "runnin'" instead of "running" or "cah" instead of "car"?

I don't have any problem with it, personally. As long as someone's intended speech is clear, that is, what they're getting at, I see no problem with grammar inaccuracies or any other conventional language error.

I feel that language is not some stasis rock, it's something that evolves and changes over time, along with the people who speak it. While it is funny when people make awful mistakes, I think we all have to acknowledge that improper grammar does not necessarily make someone an idiot, and getting angry about words being used in a different manner than was intended in the 1700s is like yelling at the tide to stop coming towards you.

Either we speak the languages of today, or we remain mute.

I've spoken here before about accents and whatnot (my first post, as a matter of fact). I speak with a dialect (the stereotypical New York accent) and I probably more often than not say "ax" and other things, but the words I'm saying, say if they were written down, are in pretty dern good English, and I think that's more than enough (I also happen to be an English major). I throw in little flourishes in my speech, which are a result of my parents and aunts and uncles ("yous" is my favorite, albeit least conscious), but I think we all do, and it's forgivable.

[quote]and it's forgivable[quote]

Fahgeddabotit!

Oops. I mean:

OH WHAT DA FUCK IS DIS SHIT I MADE A SPELLIN ERA?!

at first I assumed that was um... never mind...

so.. how many of you are there on this thing anyway? How do you keep track of who's saying what to who?

*taps microphone* is this thing on?

The way we are figuring out who is saying what to whom is by using the Firefox browser, having the Greasemonkey application, and also downloading a script called assetbarista.

Welcome to the New Jerusalem, friend.

hey that is pretty neat and futuristic man. Can there also be a plugin that allows me to store my MP3s and makes assetbar to do my taxes? It can't be too far away. I am loving this future!

Welcome Headroom. That was a great show, mostly because of the woman, Amanda Payne?

I totally went as Max Headroom for Halloween when I was a kid.

Asking is just polite demanding.

For spoken English (or, like, message-board English), I pretty much think everything goes. Sometimes it is hilarious and/or annoying when people use a word that has a specific definition when they mean to use another word with a specific definition. But I am down with accents and ain't and y'all and whatever. Non-standard forms of English usually have their own internal rules, and slang is a form of playing with language, not raping it.

Written English requires more adherence to standard formal grammar. I am not a huge stickler about ending sentences with prepositions and shit, but for me to take a newspaper article or an academic paper seriously, it has to be written in fairly standard English.

Agreed about articles and whatnot. But you brought up a good point about message-board English. Everyone on this site takes linguistic cues from a cat that doesn't use punctuation, and beyond that, has more vernacular chops than J. D. Salinger. This site above most should be excused for all our "hell of"s and "all such as"s.

Thank you, you make my point(s) more succinctly than I do.

Some linguistic scholars consider ebonics almost a separate language, with its own legitimate grammar system. Some even think it is an improvement on standard English. If you're interested in this, check out Steven Pinker's book The Language Instinct.

*grammatical system

FUCK YOU ALL for not being on Australian time, and therefore having all the good conversations while I'm asleep.

I'm not commenting on this now. I'm waaaaay too lazy to read all that you're talking about. This part is my fault.

I'm gonna go play Pandemic instead. Hopefully this time Madagascar won't be the last surviving place for humanity.

Madagascar can eat my dick. Who the fuck closes their ports at the first sign of a cold?

Your mother?

I fucking KNOW. Fuck those assholes. Stupid Madagascar. [Is an internet game making us racist? I hope not. Pandemic 2 is addictive as hell]

Son!!!

Hi!

What's wrong, Dad?

I just realize I made that sound ambiguous.

I don't like saying "his or her" as in

Everyone should clean his or her toilet.
(It would be improper to say "their")

I am not opposed to the words "his" or "her".

That would be silly.

i think the lames are in regards to the "raping someone to death..." part of your previous post.

What? But that isn't offensive OR unusual?

Skiddysmith had to explain this to you, Daidai. And I have been unable to defecate since 2002. Coincedence?

No-one knows what a coincedence is, so probably not.

It's when one thing coincedes with another. Duh.

The lack of a proper singular non gender specific pronoun

The word "it" has exactly the properties you describe.

Yes, yes, we find the use of "it" on people to be dehumanizing, but only because we're used to thinking of people as gendered and objects as ungendered. In French or German, the pronouns don't have such connotative power because even tables and chairs are given genders!

Yet, in French they have a perfectly good neutral pronoun for use on people: "on" literal means "one", and is always used in third person sigular conjugations, but can be used in place of I, You (singular & plural), He, She and We, depending on context: "On fait qu'on peut" means "One does what one can", but could replace "I do what I can", "you do what you can", "we do what we can", etc.

Transgender types often make exclusive use of "on" to refer to themselves and other Transgenders.

Despite this relatively useful neutral gender pronoun, one of the worst things you can call another man in France is "P.D." (said just like "payday"), which is a euphemistic abbreviation of a technical term for a homosexual.

anyone heard/read about the "yo" phenomenon in the Baltimore public school system? These kids spontaneously started using "yo" as a gender-neutral third person singular. I'd be pleased if this really caught on.

That sounds glorious.

"When asked how these young students were able to inject more gender equity into the English language, Troyer said, 'Maybe they just invented a new pronoun because they didn%u2019t know that they couldn%u2019t.'"

God damn, that is some Chauncey Gardiner shit.

this 'maybe' she speaks of makes me wonder if isn't the teacher getting taught. i'm sure skrad would have something to say about that.

plus also, stating that "they didn't know that they couldn't" puts another bee in my bonnet. since when was one unable to invent a new word? waiting for the wankers at Webster's to agree to toss something in with McJob (seriously?) and that new verb 'google'...doesn't seem to be worth the time.

then again, languages are always changing. i read it in a book once upon a time.

I am pretty certain the teacher is saying "hey, maybe these kids' creativity just burst out because The Man forgot to tell them they weren't allowed to be creative".

yeah, i'll take that.

She meant they didn't know they couldn't use Yo as a pronoun, I think. I'm not sure. Words can be created all the time, but changes to grammar are harder to do. It's more clear in the article.

You know, Dave, sometimes when I find I have a bee in my bonnet, it's best if I just take my hat off.

Spiny Norman: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler

...and that young man's name was Richard. Nixon.

"Yo" is "I" in Spanish, and those Baltimore kids are wack.

That's really interesting...if only because after some research of my own*, I thought it was a derogatory term used by the police to describe your average banger. Same way they use "slouch". I never noticed the kids using it, but now that I think back...

* research only consisted of every episode of The Wire and some of David Simon's books

Well, from what I know of French (which admittedly isn't much) "on" is pretty much exactly equivalent to "one," which means that most people wouldn't use it as a gender-neutral pronoun in everyday speech. People sometimes use "one" in English to refer to themselves, but that seems to be considered pretentious and awkward.

I've quite frequently used "one" as a replacement for the usual "you" where "man" would be used in German or "on" would be used in French. And then I've quite frequently glared unremittingly at those who give me funny looks.

Also, few things ire me more than when, usually in an effort to mockingly emulate some upperclassman, someone uses "one" in place of "I".

That's not how it works, peasant.

Can one give an example of that please?

One indeed... could.

Hahahaha oh my God I'm going to use that last sentence. Holy crap that's good. See, THAT is a wordsmith.

Plus, I was kidding when I suggested we use German. I'm just learning it, so I have it on the mind.

Oh God, Mark Twain made me lol:

"For instance, the same sound, sie, means you, and it means she, and it means her, and it means it, and it means they, and it means them. Think of the ragged poverty of a language which has to make one word do the work of six -- and a poor little weak thing of only three letters at that. But mainly, think of the exasperation of never knowing which of these meanings the speaker is trying to convey. This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger."

v-chubby for Mr. Twain. I took four years of German in high school, and that whole essay cracked my shit up.

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language."

Funny. I've never had a problem. They just don't want to believe I'm American. Apparently, it is abjectly impossible to be American and speak a proper French. Who knew?

HI ACHILLESELBOW

Gender in language, realistically, means jack shit. It doesn't represent "gender" as we know it - it's just that when different dialects are developing into languages, the easiest non-adjective modifiers that come to hand when describing something are the ones we already have at least two of: sex. It's being economical with ones speaking, more than anything - something you can't hold against any language, as it is the essence of evolution.

Prime example: in some African languages, there can be up to 12 different gender modifiers. Now, in our linguistic class, we tried - we really did - but even after you bring in all the various diaspora of gender and sex classification, you struggle to get up to 12. And I doubt that there'd be a large enough amount of transvestites or post-op trannies in small African tribes to necessitate a gender modifier in non-related nouns for the common language, anyway.

My first thought is that they'd be categories like horses have, where age/sexual status come into it, as they do kinda affect who you are. In that case you can multiply pre-pubescent, mature, past fertile, or unknown, by male, female, and both(/neuter), giving 12 different options.

Yeah yeah I suppose blah blah blah, REGARDLESS, the point stands: language genders simply employ the use of sexual genders etc because they are a useful enough analogy for what they are meaning to modify. Not a perfect one, nor do they generally have any meaning beyond just keeping the communication flowing well.