Racer 5 for me!

That's what I'm screaming about.

devil's dictionaries all around

[IMGS OFF]

Blue Nun.

If we make a page on Facebook, e could make it a public holiday.

my W key hates me today.

I chubby you. Because I, too, would gloat about such a thing.

...aaaaaand it was great. This surprises nobody.

Imagine if you asked me what I thought of a movie & I showed "thumbs down", simultaenously launching into a long-winded & irrelevant discussion of what I hated about it.

You think on that, and you just THINK.

Huge slam on the Assetbar community out of... well... out of somewhere we all know about.

Hey Dr. welcome back.

i do. [silently gives thumbs down]

fuck, *their married life, or more awkwardly "they are married" life.

Has no one been seeing the ads for the premium updates? Does anyone have it? It says that last week they were getting updates about the reception. Recently, it said there were updates about the honeymoon. So life goes on.

It seems lame, junk sent to your mobile or something.

The internet is full of sites promising live 'honeymoon updates' - plus ca change...

plus c'est pareil.

This is exactly what i thought of when I saw tibcoolbreeze's comment! Thank you sir!

...AGAIN...

...is what bwings us...togevahhh...today.

Of course, when I scroll down I see that - of course - there's been princess bride quips up the wazoo. ...incontheivable! ...actually, no; quite expected. Stupid me.

Actually, I really valued your repeat quote. The pauses are really important.

no.

y-yes?

nope, turns out it was no.

I don't want to see a ghost, it's a sight that I fear most. I'd rather have a piece of toast, and watch the evening news.

Amen, brother.

Worst. Lyrics. Ever.

Congratulations Beef!
Man I should get a copy of this strip mailed to me.

Only topped in real life by wordless childbirth.

Oh, those zany Scientologists!

chubbied for your startlingly appropriate avatar, sir!

I look up and it's at 4.9 and THE DEUCE YOU SAY.

Don't drag your heels on 5'ing you lubbers.

Man I hate the phrase Cool Beans. I'm just sayin.

Yeah, the montage was great!

Time until montage is gif'd:

T minus Photoshop and counting.

on its way....

So yeah I know even saying this marks me as a huge geek, but if you happen to have Tom Petty's "It'll All Work Out" On Your ITunes, It syncs up surprising well.

Bravo!

It looks like the nervous bear is playing with himself...

EVERYBODY DISCO DANCING, HAVING VERY GOOD TIME!

ROBOT DANCING?!

my broken-ass dryer in the other room has an uneven load and was thumping exactly in time with this.

Man, that was so gratuitous it hurt me. It physically hurt me! It's going to bruise, I don't doubt.

Broken ass-dryer.

Chubby from the heart, if not the internets.

for some reason that reminded me of this:

[IMGS OFF]

What is this from?

I think it is a commercial for Rolos.

I still think they should've went with Rolo Tony Browntown.

<i>CHECK YOURSELF RIGHT AT THE DOOR~</i>

f-fuck

GIMMIE SOME MORE
GIMMIE SOME MORE
GIMMIE SOME MORE OF THOSE ROLOS

Let's get 'em on the phone.

*~* Black America's feelings on this asset are: ... *~*

Dammit I can never make a good joke out of this.

i wanna know what they're saying...'fore the rewind.

well, what he's saying.

the 'hinder boy is just eating a food.

Phillipe was bothering me. Fixed it.

The pace of this animation fits perfectly with The Way We Get By by Spoon. Especially once the clapping starts.

I AM MOVED

close call..

Ray <i>takes care of his people</i>!

BBCode <i>takes care of Assetbar users!</i>

(guys i've been away from here for a few months are we still making fun of BBcode?)

You did that on purpose.

gasp

(it cannot be!)

Dude messed up BBC code so bad he almost got the lethal injection. :(

Is BBC code some kind of Scottish slang for the Queen's English?

yes, but in a way that's hard to care about.

The moments from Beef's life flashing before his eyes as his bride walks up the aisle are sincerely fucking poignant.

I wish we knew more about Molly before she was in heaven. What was she seeing? Was she married in life before? What fucked up things happened to her that this seems like a good decision? Not that Beef isn't amazing. But it takes a special girl with a special, secretive past to really want to be with a guy who has to take special precautions and lamps and rituals in order to leave the house or address people in public in a polite manner.

It's hard to believe that Molly would never have married at some point over the past few centuries. After all, she's not crazy, and she is willing to tolerate many of the primary shenanigans of men.

Thank you for catching this, sir.

I think this is the first comment to ever make me genuinely laugh. I wish I could chubby you more, and that sounds kinda nasty.

what you have just said is actually a pretty rad pick-up line

You mean something like, "Hey baby, I wish I could chubby you more, and I know that may sound kinda nasty, but I promise it might be sorta okay."?

Sorta OK? If you're going for it, go for it; jump in feet first and be confident! "I know it sounds nasty, but after tonight you'll want new chubbies every day."

I'm afraid if I do that, a five year old stuffed otter will appear and yell at me for being arrogant. This fear is irrational, but it persists.

See dude, women love it when you go feet first, despite the itchy infections it causes

naw man, simplicity. You spot her across the room. She is fine. You approach. You lock eyes, and in a voice that is both slow and sincere you whisper:
"I wish I could chubby you more."
Exit w/ fine woman.

I have much to learn. Do you have a series of motivational cassette tapes I might purchase from you on this subject?

I'm going to be physically ill.

It's been a year and this still terrifies me. Thank you.

Just. Wow.

This is an actually perfect strip.

This is THE perfect strip

agreed.

*splut*

Also, Phillipe should have been should have been dressed in black pants. This was inevitable.

You're exactly right, Woody Allen.

Philippe's "I-wet-my-pants" facial expression is an instant classic.

the 1-2 breakdown of philippes responses to ring being given and pant wetting: "phew" *relaxes* "...LORD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!?"

The cats in the third frame?

I think I woulda been working tears up if I hadn't caught that. Made me a laugh a little before the emotional part.

Oh, Philippe...

Whose paw is that in panel 34 (The second one featuring Todd)?

Probably Beef's. It makes sense to me that in leading the cigarette break, Todd would light the groom's from his own.

TRI.
CORN.
CAT HAT.

Mr. Saunders is hell of tough looking there, all badass and imposing in his Sea Captain outfit

they ought to put his picture on some hella raw spiced rum

BEEF!!!!

OHHH SHIIIITTT!

I'm not gonna lie. That little smile brought forth a tear or two.

Teodor is still panicking himself into a tizzy. Also, poor Philippe, poor, poor Philippe.

I figure he fell asleep again, waking up just in time to realize he'd miss the vows.

Oh, I just realized. The Teodor and food-cutting panels have the same shade of background.

Molly's brothers are working straight through the ceremony, and poor T can only buzz haplessly around them like a fly in a phone booth.

I don't think it's spelled with a W.

STELLAAAAAAAAA!

V chubb for Interpol!

I get an r-chubb for Interpol.


No, I don't think that's weird.

I was about to say Interpol are awful but then I realised I was thinking of Velvet Revolver. I'm... I'm not sure how I got those two mixed up.

I'm gonna pull you in close
I'm gonna wrap you up tight
I'm gonna play with the braids that you came here with tonight

/hedonismbot

Oh. I always heard it as "brains," not "braids." Hmm.

Dear Lord, "Obstacle 2" is a song about zombies!

I like twutles.

Completing the circle of obstacles, that kid appears to have stabbed himself in the neck.

to "Roland":
Roast Beef's from Circumstances and can has a wives
He marries her all over the town, at least he tries -- look, it stopped snowing (thanks for that Todd)

Peepee-scream!!

Man, if only they were round-shaped I would make them into POGs. That is not criticism, merely longing.

My approval of Beef and Molly's matrimony cannot be constrained to a 1 through 5 rating system. If any strip deserved a 6, this one does.

The AIBO can sense impending excretal disaster.

The AIBO thinks "What the hell is wrong with that little otter?"

Jesus Christ, Onstad

Onstad, Fellini

Fellini... Tortellini.

Dojo... Casino... It's all in the mind.

Oh my, it actually is. Sitting right at the top of the "Highest Rated" right now. I fear this will not last, but it should.

I think you got lamed because there are people around here who hate anything heartfelt. Sad, sad people.

I hate things that are sentimental, and things that are sappy. Hallmark cards and Precious Moments figurines.

This strip isn't anywhere near that sappy. If it didn't have Phillipe pissing himself, it might've been a little too heavy-handed with the l-o-v-e, but it does, so it's not.

I accept my lamelumps with pleasure. Precious Moments and Hallmark were slow moving targets, and it's very Paula Poundstone of me to even bring them up.

Sorry, internet. :0( the strip is ultra cute.

I love Paula Poundstone.

It's been stated by others than myself, but the best clear purpose of the ratings is really that the highest rated up top give achewood virgins some really good places to start. In this it has succeeded, although I imagine that if this strip stays up there it's gonna confuse some people down the road.

Also, that complaint always sounded really whiny to me.

"Guys, why do you have to like all the strips so much?"

Um, point. If you don't like the strips and don't like rating the strips then just...don't....rate....the....strips? Am I right? Refrain? I sincerely doubt Mr Onstad has the time or inclination to read our comments, and I'm sure he doesn't really care what strip is rated highly or by who, but it's a forum for us, and so mocking the general use of it just seems a little bit silly. Why not use it if it's there for us to use?

It's like in Battle School. The biggest gap in scores are .5 of a percentile, and those are HUUUUGE, so it doesn't make sense to be a nerd about it. You just gotta do battle.

I am a pot head who gave this strip a five.

I can only hope my misguided stoned brethren and their equally foolish sober counter parts can look past their hate and appreciate the awesome of this epic strip.

Much love for Cassandra and Wife.

Hey, my mother was a pothead, not cool, not funny!

YOU'RE not cool, not funny.


Hey one that works.

Wonder

Good times, good times.

Can we read this up to down as well?

Oh I like the cut of your jib. I also dug the title.

"My feelings on this asset are: The Most Pro Ever"
Raw 5

The cut of my jib? Are you... hitting on me?

Ribeye is the most nutritious cut.

That's what I want to grow up to be.

be a debaaaser?

AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your avatar is extremely appropriate sir. Startlingly so.

Very nice indeed. Was that your avatar before you made this comment, or is this the most magical concatenation of circumstance yet seen on assetbar?

Make sure to ask for that ribeye with double cheese. Promise to try to keep it on as weight.

I'm starting to feel that we need a strip of Lyle doing something unbelievably crass, stat.

*rubs hands together*

Rrriiight--RECEPTION!!

HAMSCOUT. I JUST PUT IT TOGETHER.

From To Kill A Mockingbird: "Ah, was a Ham."

*gasp*. You're right! I never thought of that. I had just kind of thought he really liked ham, and was on the lookout for some.

Of course! It's all so simple, now!

remem...remember when I told everyone that?

Wait...were you kids herethen? FUCK! Now I'm old in an internet forum, too???

*sigh*
hamscout, have you been paying attention at all to the exponential growth of this site's fanbase? Shit, there's something like 2000 comments on that page you just linked alone. I don't know about many of you, but I'm terribly busy what with getting laid and German yacht parties and snow-blading (new sport I invented with the Swiss) all the time, so maybe I simply can't read every damn comment on every page every day. Plus, I've been here a little over two years now. Follower for three. Most of these other users, probably at least a year.

I respect you, Hamscout. This is simply a warning to your ego.

You've already stoked my ego simply by making me a topic of conversation...
I appreciate the time you took out of your exciting and sexy schedule to appreciate the reference in my avatariconpictograhthingy!
I also bow to your expertise--I've only been on the forums/strip for 3 months. [/genuflect]

I must have been absent that day. I guess I haven't finished my make-up work.

*blush* I don't get much attention 'round these parts, 'less I'm makin' some buggery on the photoshop.

So ... we can call you "mockingbird" now?

only if I can call you... Boo

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

That song is so, so awesome.

goony video also fun.

can someone link the strip that "equation of the week" comes from?

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04222004

What is Ray wearing?

It is a suit made of filthy newspapers.

<i>nice</i>

Something new has been added!

But aliiis you've been away for so long that you have forgotten that HTML just ain't the way we do things here honey.

Yes, sweetcheeks. The moral of this story is Do Not Lurk. I lurked... and now I suck.

(but falseprophet still calls me honey, win)

Yaaaaaaaays.

Them titties yours?

Pure class, all the way

Old school subtlety, there.

"Them titties yours?"
"Why... why yes! Thank you for noticing!"

sure as heck ain't yours

Oww, huge slam from large titties on old pog'.

Just damn.

Who dared give this less than a 6?

1.121 Gigawatts! 1.121 Gigawatts!

By the way, I saw a DeLorean on the street the other day. My father brought one home from the dealer once when I was a kid. Brushed steel gullwing radness.

I just saw one a couple days ago, too!! Creepy!

Oh no...they found me. I don't know how, but they found me... It's the Libyans!!

My parents' neighbor has had a DeLorean sitting in their driveway for as far back as I can remember. So, I see one every day...

I would TOTALLY be tempted to steal it, just to take it to 88mph once. Then I would truly know that time travel isn't possible.. at least, in a DeLorean.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, MAN!

you know how hard Flux Capacitors are hard to come 'round these days??

hard.

I saw the real one the other day! Everyone who walked past pointed at the flux capacitor and said "Look! The flux capacitor!" For my part, I cupped my mouth and shouted at passersby "I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE FUTURE".
It was at a sci-fi convention attended for reasons of necessity and duty. Also present was Mon Mothma and three people dressed as Jack Sparrow, one obese. I recommend these fine events to all- don't forget to watch the interview with the fish guy from Hellboy, you may learn something as I did.

Suck a fuck!

Speaking of old school, this reminded me of:

Fuck a duck,
Screw a pidgeon
Go the hell
And teach religion.

How about some classic Wesley Willis right about now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnCk0uGwFZI

Wow, that was terrible! Thanks.

I wish I could chubby this twenty-five times.

best achewood ever.
bask fellow fans, we are viewing history.

Beef must have let someone give him a manicure for the wedding, since that receiving hand sure don't look like no dang ol' lady hand. That is some love.

I think this is most solemn that Todd has ever been. If he wore that hat forever, I wouldn't mind in the least bit.

Come to think of it, you're right. Todd totally behaved himself. Fuck, dude.

Downers and carcinogenerosity

wow, not a word spoken but so much is said in this strip. Bravo, Chris!

I'd totally forgotten that it was Blister who introduced Beef and Molly. I wonder if he made it to the wedding.

Molly looks so much cuter in that flashback panel. I guess a lot of cartoonists struggle to make their female characters beautiful while maintaining a consistent style, but it's unnecessary. Giving Molly a "realistic" neck isn't going to make us like her any more than we already do.

A lady like molly does not want to look cute on her damn wedding day. She wants to look radiant, elegant and beautiful. Cute is for everyday. Cute is not for a gorgeous wedding gown.

I'm not talking about the way she's dressed. I'm saying Onstad has changed her entire shape. Nobody else in the strip has a neck.

It's a temporary change for the wedding which gives her a much more elegant look. I don't think Onstad is trying to get us to "like her any more than we already do" so much as he's making her look how someone getting married wants to look.
Also it really helps set her apart from her mother who's got, basically, the exact same face.

I need to look into renting some Killer Abs for the next time I happen to go to the beach or pool.

She dieted for the wedding! Which is silly as hell, but god knows plenty of real, non-cartoon cat women do that too.

Every time I scroll past your avatar, it looks more obscene. When I look at it closely, though, it transforms into a baby animal.

And when I stare at that baby animal long enough, it looks like a pen0r trying to eat an almond or something. With nostrils. Reminds me of good old dad

Whut!? Why'd you wake me? Get me a damn beer, boy, or I'll let the sheriff come get your criminal ass.

Ah ha! Hedonismbot is your 25-year-old son! I don't think having a basement slave counts as being in a relationship.

Does having four count?

There are four of us? When are you going to take the blindfold off?

hedonismbot is either planning the next Saw movie, or is trying to re-enact the allegory of the cave.

That mirror in the side of your room? Not a mirror. You actually aren't 4 foot 10. I've been trying to convince you that you were, bit I think that girl is starting to miss some motions. Let me know if you do something in that mirror and she doesn't imitate it perfectly. Let me know right away. Right that moment. Otherwise she will never learn.

hedonismbot, have you ever heard of Charles Ng or Leonard Lake? Good guys. You'd like them.

Ooookay, I am done reading about child murderers for today.

I'm getting kind of freaked out by panel A6 -- it seems like Molly's face is pasted onto Princess Leia's head.

You sunk my Death Star.

Yeah, that neck is still giving me the heebie-jeebies. I know it will go away and all, but cartoon cats are never meant to have clavicles and neck muscles. I get it and all, elegant and such, but eugh.

not true! t and a have neck a-plenty.

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02212007

I keep expecting one of the shapes in your avatar to clash with the other and for the entire system to brake. Then I realise that it is in fact a repeating GIF, but the whole thing is just so delicate...

Stop stressing me out!

I love that he shows a brief bit of Beefs life passing before his eyes... Seeing Beef happy is a balm to my soul.

I'm sad that the obvious highlight of my day came at 7:00 this morning..

Or to compound that, this week or even month. This whole wedding thing will end up with about 50 offshoot story arcs. Onstad you bastard, SROP DOING THIS TO A DUDE. I'M GETTIN THE INTERNET AT HOME DESPITE THE FACT I CAN'T AFFORD IT JUST TO LOOK AT THIS THING!

To wit, I brought you this trout as my wedding gift

I insist that whoever rated this strip a 4 go back and reconsider.

Hold on is that Gramma K in panel 3???

No, wait, no. Doc Andretti's mother. Shit. I'm laming myself for that one.

Dr Zoidberg:
"...I'm waiting."

Unfortunately it's not possible to lame oneself. I mean, I can understand not being able to give yourself a chubby, but come on, Assetbar. Let a dude lame himself if he wants.

I lamed the above on your behalf, and then Chubbied you just now for going through with it.

It's Mother Andretti (avec pashmina), and her son the doctor.

chubby for you for finding the picture of keith moon that onstad used as reference.

and he really does look delighted.

I don't know what kind of Shakespeare the internet deserves, but this is the one we get and I couldn't be happier. Onstad you marvellous bastard! Who else could make an extended webcomic arc based on a marriage, not only one that doesnt make you vomit in your own mouth, but actually be freakin' hilarious, beautiful and still mannish enough to capture the terrible dudes that come here every day to realise there is more twisted genius in the world than our low-fi lives suggest. Thanks mate.

So few here have faced the gauntlet of smiles, I just chuckle in my fortress. Your day will come, and may it be as good as Beef's.

BTW, I'm getting married again next year -- yes, I've been around the block a couple times already, as if it wasn't obvious. Have a 25-year-old son, too.

Congratulations Pogo!
Still working on my first, and I will say this from my own experience. My wedding was a disaster, and it haunted the first few years of my marriage. However, my marriage has been a success because we had a strong enough bond between us.
I think many folks have criticized this arc because they do not understand the circumstances. Go back and read and watch the bond between Beef and Molly in all their strips together, and you will begin to have an idea.

Thanks, history, and congrats on your bond's success.

is he single

what does he look like and does he have a job?

Hey pogo, is he cute?? Is he brown?
Maybe he'd like to come in and join us for a cocktail.
Is he polite? Is he a brown man?
Oooh, if he's polite, have him come in!

One at a time, ladies -- yes, the spawn of Pogo is still single, although in a relationship, and teaches high schoolers about computers. I'll work on posting a photo.

Awww, now even *I* like him. Not enough good computer ejurcation in most high schools.

Pogo junior

[IMGS OFF]

He seems a respectable enough young man.. nothing like his father, of course.

Despite your attempts at modesty, you couldn't find even a single picture where he's not getting the glad-eye from a lady.

But man, who could blame them. He's like James Bond, but more jovial and less deadly. Although that can be hard to tell from a photo.

I also couldn't find one where he wasn't drinking.

sold

This is redundant, you already told us he was 25

oh lord, he's cute
but i'm going to go out on a limb here and say he likes ladies otherwise you probably would have mentioned.

such a waste.

(also i assume he lives in wherever you live, which is probably north america and not new south wales)

Awwwww. The spawn of Pogo! Nice lookin' kid. Good work, sir, good work.

Thanks, his mom's a looker.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, >L<ooker!

Whoops.

You did that on purpose.

...not without paying first, honey...

POGO POGO POGO THE GREAT IS GETTING MARRIED
HEAR YE HEAR YE
Goodness, I am happy for you.

Merci bien, my child.

do you mean merci beaucoup... as far as I know merci bien is not a thing?

"Merci bien" is a bit like "aw shucks" or "well, gee thanks!"

It is the adorable way to say thank you. Of course, that may only be a thing in Canada.

Yes--congrats to Pogo and his special lady friend! May you cherish each others faces for many many years to come. L'Chaim!

"aw shucks"

The music was perfect, it was classical.

For some reason I hear Chopin's Prelude No. 15 playing during all this, the crescendo coming as Phillipe looks down to see his pants wet, the dark embarrassing puddle dripping down his leg like tears in rain.

As he kept repeating the shot of Roast Beef's face, I was hearing the music from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", as they flash between Cameron's face and the zoom-in-shots of the Seurat painting.

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (instrumental), Dream Theater

Alright, alright, I deserved that lame. It's "Dream Academy", not "Dream Theater".

oh thank god
if you put a wedding to dream theatre i might have shot you

you know, accidentally-on-purpose

You mean "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths?

The Passenger, Iggy Pop. Approaches crescendo as Molly walks down the aisle. Reaches intensity peak as they kiss and then fades away as they walk off through the beautiful, beautiful gauntlet of smiles.

If it was up to Roast Beef it would be this that plays: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=LN4BGzYYmAg

I still think the Ramones should be presented in some way at this wedding.

Man, I was right. The Passenger does flow real nicely with this. You just have to read it very slowly, savouring it and imagining what is happening and reminiscing on what has happened. It is so perfect that I timed it so that Iggy would start singing on that first zoom in on RB's face, and then sang through out the flashbacks. So perfect.

The part in minor? Hmmmm. I see Roast Beef's whole life as a bit more like the 4th ballade, the wedding like the second movement of the 1st concerto.

Also, I just was watching some show, and they said that at the end of Blade Runner, it actually wans't supposed to be raining. I find that unbelievable, given the line that you referenced.

Even though we know that Molly and Beef's time together will end in tears, it takes nothing away from the fact that the little cat from circumstances finally gets a moment of genuine happiness.

This reminds of the strip The Future, when someone joked that it would be the last Achewood ever. If Onstad did plan to just stop, this would probably be the way to go out.
I'm sure he won't though. Pre-pretty sure.

We don't know that it's going to end in tears. Why do you say that?

_Why do you have to go and do a thing?_

Cause it's implied in the second last panelhere. But I might be wrong.

And here I was thinking I couldn't be happier with this strip...

did you write that dialog yourself? it's not there in the strip.

This was excellent. Also, not to sound hung-up on arbitrary things like lames/chubbies, but I'm starting to think that perhapsmaybe perhaps maybe just lames comments that they think are funny, because of reasons?

Maybe he's like that slave Caesar had employed that just whispered "you're only a man" in his ear?

Edwell, remember thou art mortal...

Edwell, that affected me more than the strip. Thanks, thanks a lot.

Edwell brought it all full circle. You, sir, are the man.

Not to be confused, of course, with The Man.

This is a perfect... faux-Achewood strip.

What the hell. This is totally awesome. You are a champion

I don't think anyone else here has even gotten the font right so far. Onstad should take you on as an apprentice or something

How the FUCK, Edwell? Dammit.

Homeboy, that is some quality homage right there.

homa-gee