Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day. 02/14/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

On the inside of a dessert restaurant is a condition, not a location.

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It still made the eagle cry, though. On the inside, at least.

The inside of an eagle is a condition, not a location.

And you busted into a completely unrelated thread high up on the page just so everyone could see that you said it. That was thoughtful.

Don't you love when people post something inane twice just so we can lame them twice? How thoughtful!

Yes. I love it. It is a love story.

Is love story, is so lovingk.

Played on tiniest violin with no strings.

Is SO tiny

The condition on the inside of a dessert restaurant is that you are fat.

Chubbied for Avatar/comment synergy.

Do they know it's Valentine's Day?

He knows today is Valentine's Day, but he doesn't know what Valentine's Day is. Go easy on him, he's an eagle.

Not if the North American Valentine's Prevention Initiative have any say in the matter.

NAVPI?

It sounds like a GPS.

A GPS for mathematicians.

Ah, the best forgotten Valentine's Day follow-up to "Band Aid".

You got it. With it's less than all-star chorus of Chaka Kahn, that awful Grace Jones, Crispin Glover, and the other guy from Wham!, it made little more than a small smudge on the face of music history.

chubby for crispin glover, he sings just like an angel

The Other Guy from Wham! (Andrew Ridgely) ended up playing on an Elf Power record somehow.

I too forgot valentine's day. one of my classmates gave me a box of Nerds this morning and my confusion seemed kind of rude in retrospect. I recall this with contrition...

A female I know got me a valentine that folded out into a paper football playing field. At first I thought she wanted to get it on, but soon after discovering that she brought one for everyone I decided I might be wrong.

... or were you?

I honestly thought "get it on" referred to paper football for a second.

That'd make Marvin Gaye's music much more interesting

Or much less interesting, depending on how you looked at it

I look at it from a Dick perspective.

That is not interesting.

It is the only correct perspective, the Dick perspective. Sean Young and Harrison Ford know this to be True.

The world is a dark and lonely place, seen from a dick perspective. Well, most dicks, there are of course exceptions.

yeah me too! like "let's play some catch". Sadly, he didn't mean shagging grounders - he meant shagging period. But she didn't.

a "female"? you a robot, son?!

This is exactly how I feel about the use of the word "female" in relation to women. Thanks for picking up on it.

Was it not used consciously in this fashion, though, in order to be humorous? I found it pretty funny, but now I don't not if it was intended to be a joke.

bugger, that's meant to be "know" not "not".

Biological sex and gender are not the same thing.

she wanted to get it on with everyone.

My girlfriend got me a flower today. I guess it's my turn to wear matching underwear.

wait what matches with what in that circumstance?

It matches his headband.

Because nothing really gets foreplay going like an air guitar solo.

You'd always rather match a headband than a wristband, when it comes to lovin'.

Don't forget the fannypack.

I'm gonna guess his socks.

'Cause you know when he wears his socks, it's business time. They're business socks.

Mega chubbies for the Conchords

but now it is Saturday and business hours are over, baby~

Conditions are perfect.
There's nothing good on TV...
...conditions are perfect.

i think someone nearly forgot it was thursday afternoon.

I must have checked about fifteen times today.

The alt-text is so truueee.

he was probably with his wife having a normal Valentine's Day...pfft. gay.

dead god I'm so alone.

dear* -_-

I'm a useless piece of trash.

but what an amazing typo

Yeah, I think you were right the first time.

Ah well, at least for my valentine's day I have The Wire and Achewood.

And whiskey. Sweet, sweet whiskey.

There are some women willing to tuck you in, but fewer willing to be your breakfast.

That is the main problem in the world today.

i am totally down with being someone's breakfast, as long as i am feeling fresh.

Yeah I really don't know what Zebra's talking about, in my experience one should perform oral sex on a woman before treating them like a Mother with Benefits.

more of a freudian slip, really

Or Nietzschean, if you will.

Jeez man, sorry my on-a-whim dialect choice so abused your sensibilities.

Nietzsche would have been proud.

well proud if he could have read that comment over his frankly ridiculous moustache.

Channeling Nietzsche, are we?

Dammit, I was going to use the phrase 'Nietzchian slip' for the first time in my life there, but you guys ruined it YOU JUST RUINED IT!

You bastard, now I'm gonna be waiting for a non-assetbar chance to use it. I may have to wait years.

Yeah, chances to use it don't happen too often. It's a nietzsch market.

Best strained pun ever.

Aw damn man, that's way better than what I said.

retract, man. retract!

Dead GOD. Thus sprach andrew_.

No, I liked it when you prayed to the dead god, very Zarathustra. We killed him, we proclaimed it in the marketplace, but then we continued to pray to him from sheer inertia. We truely WERE NOT worthy of the act of killing god, as the old man proclaimed.

Wait, your god isn't dead?

God is dead
And no one cares
If there is a Hell
I'll see you there

Teodor's just pissed about hearing sun lamp sex.

The red panda speaks great truth.

awww

red pandas are cuuuute

But they are not pandas.

Or maybe he wants to hear a little more

I ain't seen Beef that pissed in quite some time.

(I am open to correction)

[url="http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/one_strip?b=M%5ea11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D06132007"]Let's start here[/url]

[img=http://static.flickr.com/121/269265890_03cde76781_o.jpg]

HUAGLAHSSAKLNSNKLA

[IMGS OFF]

The build up of URL errors made this way more dramatic than a simple hackneyed 'Khan post' ever would have been.

Agreed. At first I thought the Khan photo had nothing to do with the URL errors at all, besides being a pictorial expression of sheer rage. Finding out that he was just trying to post it over and over again diminished my fun a little, but not much.

[IMGS OFF]

I am out of chubbies, but this is a beautiful thing. As are the above KHAN-related things.

It took about a year, but this post has officially reached icon status. I'm not usually one to consider such things, but it's a damn shame that it only has ten chubbies. Only YOU can change that.

I'm sad to admit that I actually tried to pronounce this before it hit me that it was just an attack on the keyboard.

It's a good thing you didn't pronounce it correctly, you would've called upon the Ichor-God Bel-Shamaroth to fuck us all up if you had.

Bel-Shamaroth is utterly rubbish. Fear Ghaunadar. At least he can spell his name without a dash. (hyphen?) (Grammar?) (Questions, questions, QUESTIONS!)

Hyphen.

there's a lot of people that could use that lamp that helps you admit that you're wrong.

Lamps a fairly stationary, though. I'd think a flashlight of that quality would be much more helpful.

I think they're researching such things in the military.

they already have one.
they already have one.
It looks like [IMGS OFF]

Oh, ass. Somehow I've managed to double post within a single post.
Um, look over there! Distraction!

Just makes me think you're really excited to show us. You're like our collective child that just drew something in class and want us to put it on the fridge.

But I hate children, so I'll crumple it up infront of you.

That may just be the saddest thing ever...

At least you can use BBCode :[

I'm sorry... what? Pain ray? And they're trying to make portable ones? Oh fantastic. Is anyone else envisioning a future in which people are walking around with expandable tinfoil shields to protect themselves from these ridiculous things?

No? Just me?

People already carry pain in convenient spray can form. What makes the ray so different?

The Pain Ray doesn't run out of gas and you can blast a whole mob of people with it at once. It also may not leave any evidence of it's use (which is why I'll be constructing one by my front door for use on such as salesmen). You just wait until we start putting them in orbit.

Pain Ray. It Gets Things Done!

Excuse me, sir. Do you have a few moments to talk about the life of JesOH HOLY DOGSHIT IT HURTS

I'll need a small one for use on hot dumbasses employed by cell phone companies, with their calculated tight black pants.

My god... the black pants will absorb the rays more efficiently than anything! You're a madman!

A MADMAN I TELLS YA!

The pain ray would run out of batteries eventually. Also, prolonged use might leave evidence in the form of clothes being on fire.

Google search "Isaac Asmiov" and "neuronic whip" . . . better yet, read PEBBLE IN THE SKY.

The amount of "don't tase me bro" videos and paraphernalia such a large thing would produce makes it unfit for use in every way.

That's right, Human Rights Protesters. I don't give a shit about how this may harm large groups of people simply using their rights of assembly. I do care if it may be annoying in the most peripheral way possibly, though.

But you aren't looking at the big picture! Sure, in the wrong hands it will spawn a lot of "Don't Tase me bro!" videos, but in the RIGHT hands, it will spawn a lot of Truffle Shuffle videos! And that my friend, is a risk we CAN take.

it's "Chunk" from The Goonies. he's not spasming, he's "Truffle Shuffling".

People have been so lame-happy recently. My feelings on this trend are con.

Not to imply that this is where you were going, but I would add that a lame reflects on the lamer as much as the lamee. If you disagree with someone, this is a comment board; you are free to reply. If you want to discourage rude behavior or bad puns, a lame is appropriate. If it's just that you have taken a dislike to a stranger on the Internet, look in the mirror.

Please don't make me look in the mirror again. I've had as much as I can take.

I looked in the mirror, and the cock was me.

I looked in the mirror and I saw a sad cat. In retrospect it could have been a dog. Eitherway, I am confused, because I was ~Not~ there.

It isn't the Lame that kills. It is the Lamer. IT IS.

(isn't it?)

yup, i did. seriously. along with 2 others.

I like yer moxy, kid.

But wouldn't an official communication from like, North Korea, request that we not tase them, bro, be pretty funny?

Kim Jong Il: Don't tase them bro?

This isn't deserving of three lames. A couple, yes. But three, no. People like to lame you too much, it's unseemly.

Three lames is the default threshold for guests, no? Three lames seems strategic. And that is where it is still at.

YOUR AVATARS ARE SYNCED UP AND IT'S BLOWING MY MIND

I just realized that I find arguments entertaining.

I love the escalation.

The leaves' argument was entertaining a few weeks ago.

Oh yes indeed. I fived that strip for the leaves alone.

The turn of events, reactions in this one was perfect.

tee hee hee is that why you read the comments too 8D

That is very insightful. I think you are correct.

This is one of those strips where a conversation just leads to people giving each other blames, and in the end it's just all SURREAL.

like that discussion on Tuesday's strip which was just a bunch of people complaining about lames and then laming each other.

Only with a b.

I was part of that!
I feel....important...

whoa, Beef really showed some stones. he here definitely one-upped Teodor on the 'how to treat my girl' angle.

I was going to comment about Beef was showing "hell of stones" but you have beat me to it, I doff my cap and a chubby to you.

Gentlemen, I believe the term you are looking for is 'Wicked Sack' =)

is that a danelectro 59 dc on your avatar? you can really play some good notes on one of those.

Looks like a Rickenbacker to me

Tis. A Rickenbacker 650 Colorado. A guitar on which a man can play some truly good notes.

The slamming of the fist in the fourth panel completely changes the tone of the strip. Arguments are tops.

I'm gonna take Beef's side in this argument, Teodor is being completely a dick lately.

well he did recently decide to become offensive.

He probably wants something like this
A lamp that knows what date it is:
[IMGS OFF]

It's even better that the lamp is called Lifemax. As if purchasing said lamp will make your life even better. Like helping you to remember the time and wake up before 12 and such...

Before he met Molly, Roast Beef had a Lifemin brand sundial. And he kept it in a darkened room. And it was hell of broken anyway.

Positive comment in lieu of spare chubbies.

I want this.

Incredible.

Holy hell, Roast Beef's line panel 5! I ain't used to that kind of agressive bedroom implication from him!

Roast Beef is from Circumstance

I have that thing where you first automatically look to the end of the strip no matter what it is that your conscious mind does to stop you, and I just started giggling. It is good funny-strip writing when you think "OH MAN. Teodor and Beef are in a fight! This is gonna be great!" I am anticipating the situation of a cat and a bear in a fight that does not include a pole and some chains or a coliseum, but a domestic squabble. I wish television could do this.

Trust me. By the end of this arc, a coliseum will become involved.

I surely hope so.

Roast Beef's dialogue becomes significantly more hilarious than usual when he is frantically suppressing panic.

[IMGS OFF]

hahaha. "associated with circumstances" really gets me.

with me it was 'superfluous holidays'

but yes, much good on the Circumstances.

99 Chubbies! 99 Chubbies!

ONLY ONE MORE!
:O

THEEERE we go! YEEEAH I AM SUCH A DUDE!
(the other 99 of you can be dudes too, of course. or dudettes. but I'm the rudest)

Thanks everyone, today I am a wealthy man. What's the exchange rate of Chubbies to USD?

I had a difficult time with this strip. It reminds me of how much I need to have special lamps to be in society. I've been feeling like Beef in the third panel for several months now. Anyone else?

I was but then I got some plants and a really nice natural-light special fluorescent lamp on my desk.
Beef needs some plants.

Y'know what those depression lamps are really good for? Warmth. It's like having a bright, happy space heater.

I like the idea of a bright, happy space heater :)

And maybe it could say "Don't Panic" in large, friendly letters somewhere on it.

(Ed.'s note: Not in Comic Sans.)

Comic Sans doesn't have any friendly letters.

It is rarely ever overcast in Australia for more than 4 days straight. Even in Winter. Except this year El-Nina (spelling? and I don't mean El-Nino) fucked our summer entirely. We've had weeks of rain on end. I want to murder people then crawl up and die.

Okay, now imagine that but all the time, special pacific currents not an issue, and then add 3 months of *particularly* shitty weather. That's what life is like in the temperate zones.

Three months sounds good to me. Man, I must be living in the intemperate zone.

You're from Seattle, too, aren't you?

It doesn't sound like you live in Melbourne. In winter get overcast like it's the Boxing Day sales at Chadstone, and Melbourne's a midriff-baring bogan skank with a shirt that's too tight and says "Boys are great, every girl should have one" and butt-hugging jeans, all pushing her children along with her and yelling at them and stuff. "Aww look at this cheap shitty weather, I better fill up my credit card on this."

That's Melbourne.

I need a lamp after I visit Chadstone on any occasion. Everybody just walking around in some kind of fluorescent light induced trance, coming to a dead stop in the middle of the walkway parts to gaze at something only they can see.

How can a guy my size be the fastest moving person in that entire God forsaken place? HOW?

I recently moved to Melbourne after years in various places where we have dismal winters (mainly London, the north of France and Taiwan) and believe me -- the light here is amazing, even when it's overcast, to the point where I called my SAD-lamp-owning sister and told her she should just come live here in Australia instead, where there's massive skies and real light.
However, that is a very good description of Melbournian bogan skanks. I immediately felt like I was standing on Bourke St Mall when I read it.

That sounds like a fun place. Or not, it's hard to tell since I only speak and read English.

Dr. Skradley, the new Livinia Nixon.

Hah. You have Chadstone, we have Campbelltown... and Penrith and Blacktown. Meh, Sydney is a gigantic sprawl with oasis' of bogan in many the unsuspecting places.

I once saw a girl in Gosford wearing a t-shirt that said "MILF in Training". I wanted to murder her and then myself.

el nino and la nina, with the funny tilde thing over the second N in each word :)

la nina! woo! thanks. I can now impress (read: bore) my friends. the sad thing is I really will be very excited if I told them. I like to think my nerdism is contagious.

Okay, so, I'm going to assume you live in Sydney, like me. Look out your window. Blue sky. Cloud, also, but blue sky quite visible. The whole "two months of rain" thing was total bullshit.

I have been blessed with so much in my life and I am so lucky for so many things. It just makes it so much worse when you spend everyday miserable and you don't really have any problems worth complaining about.

SCREW YOU, DEPRESSION! FUCK YOU!

depression sucks balls.

I've always thought the best way to think about anything is to strip it down to its basics, to remove all ornament and vague fluffery, all added flavor and color. To find an idea's empirical atomic number, I suppose. Cars may come with air conditioning and awesome stereos and they may get you tail like you'll never believe, but their function remains transportation and so that's what matters when considering buying one of the damn things.

So, when it comes to life, one of the most interesting and depressing things is how simple it is. A car's chief purpose and characteristic is transportation - it justifies its existence in this way. But life is sort of weird, because

1. The purpose of life is to keep living.

And that's about it, really. There's plenty of other living things in the world less sentient than us and the only thing we really have in common with them is how we'd very much like to keep living. We can add all the neuroticisms we want later about God and love and sex and purpose, but the brutal truth of it is that in order to qualify for the basic definition of life all you have to do is keep living. Keep eating and sleeping and surviving.

Human life is doubly perplexing. We can figure out ways to fulfill the basic requirements of life in the most comfortable way possible, eating the best food, sleeping in the most comfortable beds, fucking around... It's as though the awareness that the only thing to really do around here is just keep living makes living itself twice as hard.

I wake up in the morning. I put one foot in front of the other until it takes me back to bed. Things happen along the way, or they don%u2019t. Sometimes they%u2019re big, sometimes they%u2019re little. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I don%u2019t.

You keep going, because what else can you do?

I was thoroughly enjoying that post up until the point your apostrophes suddenly transformed into %u2019s. Then I became confused and frightened.

Yeah, assetbar doesn't like me copying and pasting from gmail apparently, as I was discussing this issue with a depressed friend and finished in the same way. For those who are terrified of percent signs, here's the clean version:

"I wake up in the morning. I put one foot in front of the other until it takes me back to bed. Things happen along the way, or they don%u2019t. Sometimes they%u2019re big, sometimes they%u2019re little. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I don%u2019t."

Using Assetbar is sort of like living with an autistic child or something, you never know what will set it off.

Okay, that time I copied and pasted into notepad, this is pretty goddamn ridiculous.

For what it's worth, it looks fine on Firefox.

For what it's worth, copying and pasting is cheating.

I wonder how long it would take an autistic child to count all the percent signs you're throwing on the bathroom floor that is Assetbar?

I chubbied this because at first reading it seemed like you did it on purpose, and that made me laugh.

Sometimes I wish people would say I was an alcoholic just so I could get away with such stupid stuff. They'd be like, "How did Norman break three toes just trying to untangle the garden hose?" and then they'd look real awkward and tell that person, "Oh, uh... He... He's an alcoholic," and then they'd be all sad and say, "Oh."

I'd agree with you if his posts weren't probably the most enjoyable on this godforsaken feature.

You know, you could just ignore him.

Yeah, this is flandango's space. Why you wanna be kickin' up a fuss like this in the man's space? You expect him to scroll past that shit, or put you on his Ignore list or something?

I normally ignore this kind of thing, but I am compelled to say that you are a tremendous jackass.

At this point, all the comments are indented to the same extent, so it's unclear whom you're calling a jackass. Chances are it's me, or it could be everyone above. If you'd like to leave it ambiguous, that's fine.

flandango is where the comment is directed

Stephen Fry's face is far from stupid, sir.

Spinynorman can leave no leaf unturned in his search for Dinsdale.

He... he's a dinsdale-oholic, leave him be.

Listen man, Stephen Fry is not in possession of a stupid face, nor has he ever been.

Spinynorman, illegitimi non carborundum

How do you know that Spinynorman's mother wasn't married?

I do not refer to spinynorman, I refer to the person of questionable parentage who had the lack of grace to tell him to stop exercising his right to express himself.

Dang, man. It was just a joke! Not a joke on the actual meaning of the Latin, but on...oh, never mind.

I took no offense, but merely used it as an excuse to prattle on.

I just came back from the bar, after all.

He talks a great deal, but as someone who loves words, and funny words, at that, I find him humorous and would be saddened if he disappeared. You, however, I do not know much from. Perhaps that is how you like it. I judge not.

Spinynorman, we cherish your face.

man like I didn't check the boards for like two hours

what the hell happened

I said you wrote too much and now everyone hates me. You are a well-respected man, sir.

While I cannot speak for anyone else, I do not hate you.

I just feel that you made a very poor choice.

I tend to, when it comes to internet boards. I let things bother me, say some things, and people get riled up. Still, I'm not saying he can't express himself, I'm saying it annoys me when I've got to scroll through 2000 words of the same guy every time I want to check the board. Not saying he can't continue to do that, just saying that maybe he wants to think about doing the quality over quantity thing for a bit. As far as the avatar - why have another man's face represent your words? False status, unless you are Stephen Fry.

The fatal flaw in my argument? The "Ignore User" function. My apologies to all of you.

I dunno, I sorta like the discussion stuff. There's been longer posts before, more thought out stuff than anything I put up here, and I think it's a shame when people just think "tl;dr" and blow by. It's a board about a web comic, sure, but this is a pretty insular crowd with a fondness for something that touches on a variety of subjects, and I can't imagine getting mad if someone wants to talk about those subjects.

Also, Onstad's got a knack for prose and his characters are way more verbose than a lot of the other ones out there, so it's naturally going to attract talky people.

Anyways, those are my excuses for being a long-winded fuck.

Paraphrasing something someone else said on another strip, if you think this is just a comic you're not reading closely enough. As long as you continue to be entertaining and don't just post "INTERNET" a thousand times, I think you'll continue to be a beloved Acheworld staple. I for one enjoy your tangents.

Man, I am the first to admit that a river of horseshit flows from the lower half of my face

If adverbs were money I'd be up to my ears in hookers and coke and maybe venereal disease

Man, don't worry about it. I'm reading this now and going "Why Flandango, why? What right have you?" I feel abashed. Please continue to behave as you see fit and forgive me my momentary lapses into foolishness.

Momentary (and some times prolonged) lapses into foolishness (even of the occasionally boorish variety) are what make places like this worthwhile. The alternative?

"You're so right!"
"No, you're so right!"
"I love this strip!"
"You do? SO DO I!"

In your way, you've done a service.

holy Hell am i glad i wasn't around to read all of this in real-time.

..which is not to say i ever would.

Hey, whatever. You know, what's also nice is how people tend to post on here under the influence of various substances.

I myself have just stumbled into this ridiculously pleasant thing called drambuie and, having had it with lime, club soda, apple juice, and chickory coffee, I must say that I can't imagine holding ill will against anyone at all. Even if they've fired a round into my upper arm. Seriously.

Anyways, even the worst of you all seem like the most highly decent of folks, and if I were to meet you in person I probably couldn't hang one genuine complaint on one of you. Emphasis on "probably."

flandango, i have chubbied you for going back and examing your position instead of becoming defensive, and both you and spinynorman for being gracious to each other. the internet can make it hard to not be a cock to a stranger.

(i find i am starting to feel a sense of ... dare i say it... community when i read through the comments these days. a lot of you guys kind of rock)

FUCK you!

Well, as far as I've been able to tell, he is 4th-most chubbied, behind zefiel, epicurus, and deimosrising.

deimosrising: 3557
epicurus: 2927
zefiel: 2519
spinynorman: 2479

Yeah, deimosrising was here like, at the very conception of assetbar, and back in the early days he managed to put in the best possible comment on nearly every strip. You go back to the old achewood strips, scroll down, one of the first green comments is probably his.

I was there at the beginning. I have a good 1.5k chubbies under my name. I am proud of that. But you guys just rock the boards, and for good reason. Zefiel's a knucklehead since oldtimes, and he deserves
every one. Good on you all.

Forgive, 1225. Not quite 1.5k.

I feel somewhat along the same lines.

I've always thought of life as a zero sum equation. come from nothing end up with nothing.

0 = 1 1-2 ....= 0

All I have is the space between 0's and whatever I can make of it. To savour every experience like the taste of a cherry; sometimes sour, sometimes perfect. And to stop reaching for more of that fruit is to abandon the only thing you will ever have.

To have eaten nothing but sour cherries will make a sweet one seem most marvelous. To have eaten nothing but sweet cherries would dull their spectacular taste to your tongue.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.

Beef might be a depressed man, but don't you know just how he feels when Molly would take him for what he is and treat him and Dracula like the sun shone out of it?

Finally another rare sweet cherry that could not be enjoyed by anyone more.

OK, a Life of Brian reference and a Breathe reference, both in the same post.

Might have missed one or two even.

Well played.

Virtual chubby.

Thanks,

I'm also referencing a great Iranian move I once saw in the search of late night smut on Showcase called "A taste of cherry"

spinynorman, i always look forward to your comments. it is like finding an unexpected caramel in a box of chocolates you thought was empty.

Why, thank you. That makes me feel all warm and gushy and pleasant on my insides. Much like caramel.

My AMC Eagle not got me tail. Liar.

ahh...if only there were a cream for that.

Dear God, no one post between spinynorman's caramel comment and the one above me.
It was meant to be.
It's so....beautiful...

Well, at least you don't have a head shaped like a fucking orange.

I've been feeling like Beef in all of the panels for a while.

I once forgot Valentine's day, and later overcompensated for it by buying the girl in question an expensive gift that made her feel uncomfortable. It's a tough time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweater_curse

Thats the problem with Teodor...Always talkin'

Why you always talkin !
Beef is just not in the mood for it T

Teodor's looking chubby these days. got some back fat going on. rough.

"I ONLY GET CONCERNED IF SHE AIN'T SITTIN' ON THE BED CRYIN'! I'D THINK I LOST MY TOUCH!"

what does this even MEAN Roast Beef? and do I really want to know?

i understood it as beef being sarcastic. He assumes that Teodor thinks of him as the kind of guy who causes constant crying in females. So he's calling T out on that.

option 2: he is being self-deprecating about the state of his relationship. He's yelling because he's projecting his anger at himself for forgetting onto T

hey shutup teodor.

"HOW ABOUT A LAMP THAT MAKES YOU SHUT UP TEODOR!"

just fyi to make you feel good, if i had some spare chubbies, one would make its way onto that comment.

I got your back, sumo guy.

What a kind deed! Sadly, I can chubby no longer, so I must rely on my words to do the deed!

you, sir, just alluded to the fact that maybe, possibly, you would enjoy boning a certain cat named molly.

this is not necessarily a bad thing. she is, after all, a very caring, understanding cat.

Please, no. You two are headed down a path paved with damnation and furry fanfic.

where is manflesh when you need him.

Maybe if we say it three times he will appear.

Where is manflesh when you need him?

Where is manflesh when you need him?

Screw him, the polychrome dinosaur is in the House!

No shit.

Psychodelic Neon Tyrannosaur is the Greatest Avatar Ever.

Or, at least, in my opinion. This must be taken with a grain of salt, since my head is up my ass.

Did you know that on my work computer that runs IE he is dancing like a really slow blues tempo, but at home on Firefox, he's grooving more like some flavor of Dance music? That's a rhetorical question, of course you didn't know that, but it's true!

I always forget to add the word "Dancing".

Psychedelic Neon Dancing Tyrannosaur.

Wait.

Which sounds better?

Dancing Psychedelic Neon Tyrannosaur,
Psychedelic Dancing Neon Tyrannosaur,
Psychedelic Neon Dancing Tyrannosaur,or
Psychedelic Neon Tyrannosaur Dancing?

I prefer the third, as I first posted it, but I will gladly defer to the will of the people, as my preference is not a strong one.

Tyrannosaur, Psychedelic-Neon, Dancing.

But that's just my dementia speaking.

Tyrannasaur: Psychadelic-Neon (Dancing)

if you're gonna go dementia, go whole hog

Tyrannosaur! Psychedelic? Neon?? DANCING.

Psychedelic Neon Dancing Tyrannosaur

Psychaneon Danceasaur

DANCEASAUR FOR TEH WIN

And Dovey is the winner!

FUCK

YEAAAHHHHHH

I have noticed this! It is amazing.

i say again...an improbable woman, indeed.

if honesty is required, i'll admit i'd been a little concerned about the quality of achewood recently. i thought it had been going downhill, losing its touch, swimming in its own juices, etc.

HOWEVER.

i would like to mention that as of the last two or three weeks, achewood has officially entered a new Golden Age.

it's back, dammit, and i couldn't be happier. achewood's glory days are back. life is okay again.

People say it because people have different taste, and as the format of the jokes/stories changes, it hits different peoples' funny bones different ways.

People are not trying to be cocks.

yeah seriously, it's like

if i CAN'T express my opinion concerning the comic in question, then

WHY does assetbar exist?

It's sort of like the end of the world...someone claims it's upon us through every era of history, and yet the world remains very much not ended.

One day, someone will be right. In one case, at least, we won't have to put up with the gloating.

Dude, I need a lamp.

This reminds me of "I AM in hell, when I look at your website"

Hooray for greeting card corporations inventing holidays that cause couples to have fights.

OH MY LORD this is beautiful.
Everyday Beef/Teodor arguments would be sad, but special once in a blue moon blowups are 'the bomb' as they say.

Did Chris get laid today?

Wow. Best Achewood in a few weeks, easy.

I totally agree. I haven't just been all "Rama Lama Five-Five-Five" in a while now. But this... this is quality.

Dang, T.

Ain't be so hard on the dogg.

Hode on, I got to tip the little Panama boy what vacuums my dropped gerunds out the bottom of the Escalade.

Chocolate Love, all.

I just re-read that strip last night and decided that part was one of the top ten Achewood lines of dialogue ever. By God.

To me, this is the funniest single line in Achewood. I chuckled over it for months. The fact that's it's delivered over the phone, so Teodor doesn't get the credit he deserves, only increases its value.

What are you referring to?
Assetbar makes fools of us all.
Yet, the layout did give us a chance bit of caramel-related comedy up thew page, so it all evens out.

thethethethethetheTHETHETHETEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GET IT TOGETHER!!!!!

I thought I was replying to chenjesu--not that I understand assetbar in the least.

Beef gets all Snoop Georgie Porge in panel 5.

goddamn this one is so fucking good.

I want to see more beef/teodor interaction

ha ha the jokes that are brewing in your mind about fanfiction are not funny

Okay can we all agree to admit that Teodor is hella jealous of his friend Roast Beef such as to the point that he wants to vicariously be the perfect boyfriend through him? This is a familiar thing to me; I remember my worst single times when I was convinced I could be the perfect boyfriend to any woman if they would only just listen, handin' three month anniversary cards perfectly picked out to my best friends with their names pre-signed in permanent marker, poppin' up in the backseat of their cars while they're making out, all "Hey, guys, do you want to go bowling?" and when they run away screaming I'm like "Damn doggs its not like the pins have wives and goldfish."

I feel horrible.

It's not like this isn't pretty funny, and I am fully aware that it's more of a clever, hypothetical situation than an actual closet stalker's anecdote.

It's just creepy to the extent that I can't bring myself not to lame it.

I will chubby you elsewhere, to even things out and prevent any stress that you feel this might put on our relationship.

"If it weren't for my man Tommy P, I woulda never found out I could cure whiskey dick with the sound of a missile."

I chubbied this post from two days ago. It now has two chubbies.

Please don't put me in such a stressful position again.

You sir, display a level of class that the internet lacks these days. Once upon a time, the internet was a nice place, with nice people. When it took 4 minutes to load simple pages, there was simply no time or place for arguments. Kids today with their "migs" and "megs" per second of download capacity are simply rude. I chubby you sir for reminding us all of simpler times.

We all remember simpler times in different ways...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_senior_remembers_a_simpler

(we all know that if I'd tried to hyperlink, I'd have failed miserably)

And yet I still failed miserably anyway...

Never mind.

I would have preferred to read an article about an old man reminiscing about his halcyon days and the simp that lived down the street and used to yell at the milk man.

"Listen, son, I know you think you've got trouble today, but when I was a younger man we had us some morons."

Once upon a time not long ago,
when people used Compuserve and loaded pages slow,
When laws were stern and justice stood,
and no one was a cock to a stranger, good
There lived a lil' otter who was misled,
by the young Lil' Nephew and this is what he said:
"Me, Ya, Ty, we gonna make sum cash,
Ackin like Japan Man and makin' tha dash" ...

Your feelings are understandable and your feedback valuable. You have my thanks, condolences, and assurances that the future will be brighter.

In a post accusing someone else for being creepy, you included the phrase "I will chubby you elsewhere," which, to the non-achewood initiated, sounds like an intimidating threat.

Buying her the perfect birthday present 6 months in advance, and spending the next half a year agonising over whether or not to give it to her* and risk exposing** your feelings and potentially jeopardising their relationship. Or are you just flattering yourself? She'd never leave him; especially not for you. You would never stand a chance with her. Never.

It's disgusting when you realise your life has turned into an episode of Friends.

* no pun intended
** wahey! eh? eh?

It's disgusting that I noticed the Friends similarity before I got to the end of your comment.

Yes, it is disgusting.

But the PNDT forgives all.

Okay, now I feel bad that I have no idea what PNDT means.

(Pssst, it's your Psychadelic Neon Dancing Tyrannosaur.)

Oh wow, I lose. Thanks.

i've seen em all, and this is by far the funniest strip i've seen yet

Beef does not always Pay Attention.

Beef pays attention *when it matters*. Which, after all, is more important? Phillipe remains unmolested by Nolan, or Molly gets her Valentine's Day dinner?

They are both important in so far as they happen on two different days.

But he's not marrying Phillipe!

I am having nostalgic warm fuzzies over the return of Roast Beef's long eyes. He has had little dot eyes for a while now, way angry all the time. A little distress makes me want to pick up the little gray cat.

You just know that Omega Block is slowly descending onto the screen and there's four rows of just random at the bottom.

Man, why is Teodor always talkin'?

Teodor, you're always talkin'.

HOW COME??

I love that I am totally able to tell who (among the peanut gallery) has a Significant Other and who Has None by which dude they agree with. Has: Teodor is helping out a brother who lacks in girl sense. Has Not: Teodor is nosy/jealous/being a dick.
This assumes you have girl sense yourself. If you think just taking your lady partner to a place to get dessert is sufficient, you are incorrect in her opinion.

An accurate observation, sir.

I dunno, I have a SigOth and I'm not a celebrator of the V-Day. Also, I love desserts. However, my girl sense is a little skewed as I am actually a girl.

I think the theory still holds. It is not specific to VD. Substitute your birthday or whatever you DO celebrate.

I love how VD can mean either Valentine's Day or venereal disease.

Or does it mean both???

Often it does.

My questions are twofold:

1. How is a sigoth different from a normal goth?

2. Where can I obtain one?

i read 'SigOth' as shoggoth about three times, and got hell of sad and jealous. Oh the hijinx me n my Shoggoth would partake in! So much more fun than a boyfriend.

I don't know about that. You see, I am a girl, and I completely forgot it was Valentine's Day, too. However, I am tragically alone in my life, so upon discovering it was indeed Valentine's Day, I purchased a bottle of wine and proceeded to drown my sorrows accordingly.

While an interesting theory, I feel I am an outlier in your statistics. I am happy to accept that placement, though. This could just be because I believe T has been a dick lately, and Beef is my favorite.

I'll do you one better. My SO and I played videogames all evening. Not even together, she was playing WoW while I played a 2 year old arcade racer on the PS2. We didn't have sex that evening either as she was on the rag ( :( ). Oh yeah, and this wasn't even on the actual day, this was the following weekend.

I would buy a lamp that kept me from yelling at people who know what day it is.

Oh the prejudices seasonal lamp users face.

I had a similar argument with a friend once and I was all dude what is wrong with you you are insane and he was all fuck you buddy I'm just depressed and nothin' you can do about it and I was all let's let God decided and God came and was all:

[IMGS OFF]

Yeah, you get a chubby for posting an image of the best record to come out in recent years.

this picture has blown my mind.

i will stare at it catatonically for several hours.

Tragically, every February 14th, almost half the population of America is afflicted with the condition On the Inside of a Dessert Restaurant.

Support Euthanasia for Dudes That Got Brought to Dessert Restaurants

Am I the only one distressed by the line: "I only get concerned if she AINT sitting on the bed crying! I'd think I'd lost my touch!"

No, Roast Beef. No.

That's classic Beef self-deprecating humour

Beef fucked up. Beef fucked up bad.

I hate to say it, but Teodor sure can be a prick of the highest order.

Like, seriously, all up and picking on people. So what if Beef forgot Molly's present? Leave him alone you frikkin' douche!

...Way to explain the joke, Garfield.

He is not a smooth operator, but he did do his friend a favour.

One of the many problems with Valentine's day is that it falls in an inhospitable season. If it fell in even mid-March, then the forgetful or impecunious man could organise a picnic for his lady, and it would seem romantic. As it is raining on Valentines day, the best such a man could do is to get one of those Salmon of Doubt fancy meals you make yourself in a box. The thing is then that you are basically tagged as phoning the whole effort in. Possibly the only way to avoid that would be to trigger your lady's social phobia, such that she thinks that the whole staying in is as a result of her.

Hmm, I'm not sure. My birthday's mid-March, and weather wise the only consistent thought is "when is the fucking winter going to end?".

MAYBE I JUST REALLY WISH I COULD SEE SOME SUNLIGHT

First step - log off.

Yeah, man. I really wish I could stop seeing that squid's anus.

That is it's mouth.

Yeah, you should see the big version of that image, it's terrifying...it's got HUMAN TEETH. Seriously, it's like some Silent Hill creature.

[IMGS OFF]

i am terrified of the rest of the ocean we've yet to explore.

*more terrified.

Sweet freaking mercy what is that thing

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

The fucking sea monster has straighter teeth than I do. Fuck nature, man.

Chubbied for Salmon of Doubt.

Yes, Douglas Adams all up in the house.

One of the greatest adjuncts to Acheworld, along with Tom Waits.

Outside of Acheworld, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett are probably my favorite authors.

There really did used to be such a product with a name that was very like that.

Beef in panel 1 = looking in a mirror

(not *this* v-day though, single after 5 years. I don't know how to feel)

Damn, you almost never see these two interact. Awesome.

It's true. I became on the inside of a dessert restaurant last night without meaning to.

You know it's going to be a good strip when you see Beef in the first panel

Favorite line has to be "I'd think I lost my touch!"

Phrsst, I bet that Roast Beef remembered that it was Henry Rollins birthday on the 13th. No wonder the dude is so angry.

[IMGS OFF]

This is the first thing than came to mind.

:(

*That. Fuck!

I am out of chubbies but this did make me laugh.

That is worth all the chubbies in the world, dear sir!

I am so glad I saved my chubbies

I deliberately saved one for some late-arrival gem like this.

The fact that the words got a bit distorted in the second speech baloon makes it look like hes whispering "YOU THINK I LOST MY TOUCH?"

Is so good

Is more punchline than there should ever being

This strip is gold 2.

does anybody else ever think that teodor has a crush on molly? on friday nights at ray's parties whenever beef is off getting drunk and stoned molly would hope teodor was around. and she mentioned talking to him on aol in one of her blogs. i think they have a close friendship, and i wonder if part of teodor thinks he would be better for molly than beef. if so, i feel bad for him, because those are tough feelings to reconcile.

This is something that I've considered for a while. I'm not sure if Teodor actually has genuine feelings for Molly, though. It could be that she's really the only lady he interacts with, aside from Tina I suppose. I'm not saying that Molly isn't deserving of his affection, just that at this point, Teodor's probably gonna go after whatever he can find.

Spitting Venom started to play just as I started to read your comment, and for a few glorious seconds, your avatar was dancing along perfectly to the tune. Then a few seconds later the beat sequence was off and my world collapsed.

That song is great. Excellent choice of music to be listening to.

You will never be able to leave a comment on AssetBar again without at least one person freaking out about your avatar. This is the price you have to pay for choosing the awesomest avatar.

That is a price I am completely willing to pay.

OMGLOLROFLOLMAOOMGBBQROCKZ0RZ J00 HAS TEH KEWLEST AVATAR!

kthxbai

I'm a little worried about how long this can go on for.

Right now what I need is another mouse. If I could only hover a mouse over each avatar of yours that appears on the screen right now, I am absolutely sure all the secrets of life would become clear to me.

P.S. Is this you? (four posts up from the bottom)
If not, someone done gone and stole yer av.

fucking BBcode!
http://905ii.yuku.com/topic/2967

Stealing avatars is what internet communication is all about. I have never made an avatar in my life.

talk about fanfic

Possible, but I'm pretty sure this may just tie back into him being subjected to Dracula lamp sex.

It's not necessarily "fanfic" to try and look into the minds of characters, either, nokidding. If he'd talked about himself lusting after Miss Molly, then boo.

Ouch! And I thought this was a return to form.

it was, it was a great strip, i just couldnt pass up the opportunity for the joke.

We don't take kindly to jokes around here, apparently.

We don't take kindly to neonfreon around here

We don't take kindly to taking kindly round here.

We don't take kindly to intolerance around here.

OH SHIT PARADOX *splut*

This guy comes here everyday to say how much he hates coming here. What a life.

Maybe there's a lamp he could buy that makes him stop being a dick.

Hell, if there is such a lamp I say we take up a collection and buy him one.

but without him how would i know that Onstad is an art fag or that he writes shitty comics. these are things i need to be told because i can't fathom them on my own

I'm sure they make a lamp for that too. I mean they make just all kinds of lamps for things these days.

I just have to note the exquisite subtlety of B's panic moovles in panel one. Now that's cartooning.

Return to form

Both gentlemen handled this situation poorly.

perfect 10

There goes Teodor. Always talkin'.

For bringing this up for the sheer purpose of wanting Beef to admit he forgot and thus, in a way, owing Teodor, T's becoming a bit like Pat...

Hey, when's your new game coming out by the way? I'm getting tired of waiting.

yeah, seriously. I haven't even bought Brood War though.

can anyone tell me if I'm missing much?

Buy it. You're missing much.

The storyline and new units and stuff...it's worthwhile.

The thing that concerns me most is that Beef's speech reminds me of a stereotypical film alcoholic. I am worried for him.

looks like beef has put on some weight.

Beef is heated.

I don't know why they have to yell about it. Beef has hell of time to pick out something thoughtful. We know the dude is thoughtful.

Someone said I 5 too many strips, but Onstad is making it so difficult for me to change that habit lately.

Meta-Chub for the Flight of the Conchords avatar!

This is the story of an age.

I love what T does with his arms when he's angry. Just straight up being parallel-pissed.

This is really one of the best strips in ages. I just keep laughing about T�ador angrily holding his wallet half open, well and truly ready to purchase any lamp that might help Beef. Fantastic from start to finish.

So what ever happened to Penny? I know that around that time the strip switched the focus to Roast Beef and Ray, but it seems odd that Onstad wouldn't mention her after all this time.

What if Molly IS Penny?

They both... like giving shirts?

I doubt it, remember she was still dead back then.

Achewood runs in prime time now.

more like USA Up All Night

More like not at all.

I had an identical conversation with Paul Giamatti once. I recommended he buy a lamp that makes him not star in silly M. Night Shayamalan movies.

M. Night Shayamalan movies are to actors as drunken hookups with terrifically ugly people are to college freshmen.

At some point, you must have been wrapped up in the craziness of what was happening -- but now you realize you've only lowered your standards to painful levels.

Dude, Lady in the Water was an excellent film.

Retract, man. Retract.

I thought for a minute about saying something in Shayamalan's defense, but I definitely would not have used Lady in the Water to make that point. I mean, I kinda liked it. But that particular film is not necessarily the best proof of his artistic merit to any dedicated non-fan. In fact, I think it may be a primary reason that there are so many non-fans around these days. It was a risky project, and that's bound to cause rifts of opinion. Which is OK. The Sixth Sense, on the other hand, is hard for anyone to seriously argue against, unless they are doing so solely in order to be contrary about it. It may be old news, but it was kind of really groundbreaking. Whether or not they liked it, they have to at least admit that.

The Sixth Sense was a movie before Shayamalan movies became Shayamalan movies. It was a screenplay edited to better fit the conventions of a typical hollywood film.

Once he got artistic freedom, Shayamalan has done little other than poop on his audience.

Metaphorically, of course.

Alright. I'll go there: I thought Unbreakable was pretty good, too. And The Village was passable.

I get the feeling that it's become a bit trendy to bag on him now. It's just a feeling.

Unbreakable was indeed a pretty good film. Had some pacing issues but otherwise quality material.

That's when I know my boyfriend hasn't lost his touch...when I'm crying on the bed in matching underwear, always matching.

just completely laying into Roast Beef

This is an awesome strip.

I see that this strip now has the second highest rating of all. It is behind only "Ray Gets Sort of Stoned." Now, don't get me wrong - this is a great strip. But we're gettin' into pretty sacred territory, here. I'm not sure how I'd feel if this strip (which I see as a 4 - a very strong 4, yes, but a 4) were to eclipse a strip which has kind of changed my life (in that at least one or two panels of it pretty much cross my mind at least once a day). That would be strange. And it wouldn't matter.

Great strips always start rated really highly, then settle into their proper rating over a couple of weeks.
It's a real great strip, the best in awhile...but I don't think it will ultimately be a top 5.

The difference between this being in the top 5 instead of the bubble boy strip is for one person to vote it a 1. I just changed my 5 to a 1, refreshed, and it was gone!

why would molly give a crap about valentines day anyway, it didn't exist back when she was alive the first time right?

Neither did most other things now in her life. I'd imagine she's quite taken with the modern world with it's distinct lack of having to pick the splinters out of your ass after going to the toilet and health care that's more effective than incense and praying.

This is possibly a spoiler for some people, such as myself, who did not until now realize that Molly was from... History! oh well

This morning, I had sex with a good female friend of mine for the first time. I thought assetbar should be the first to find out.

Did you avoid being silly, and wrap your Willy?

And now you are hella postin' about the sex?

Can someone explain why I can't mark this as spam? Cute, yes, but germane, no.

Most people can't spam-mark. Use ignore user.

I can mark as spam, but i won't, sorry.

OK. This is petty, but I'm getting frustrated. Powderfinger, you've viewed several hundred fewer strips than me and made many hundred fewer comments. Yet you supposedly have the ability to mark things as spam while I do not. This is nothing against you, but that seems fucked up. Do you see where I'm coming from, here? Haven't I paid my dues? Can anyone enlighten me, here? What do I have to do to wield the swift sword of judgment over the sort of shit that ilstefan's dealing?

maybe it has something to do with when we became members of this social establishment, i trolled around not posting or reading old stips for quite some time.

Weird. I can Spamify. I was close to doing it to your comment as a practical joke. But with great power comes great responsibility.

That's a really long post.

A long post does not a manflesh make.

That makes me look like I'm into the whole brevity thing.

EL DUDARINO

Goddamn I wish I could chubby you.

There was a chubby in my other coat. I gave it to you.

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