Rough miles and raw whiles

Rough miles and raw whiles 01/09/2008 « prev 1st rand curr next »

Beef feels a bit awkward that Ray didn't acknowledge the Reader's Digest thing.

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right back at ya

Is it too late to add one more level of avant-gardiste self-reference?

Never.

You get a chubby. Your avatar has whisked me away to an ancient life wherein I am small, Windows is in numbers smaller than 4, and a poorly drawn stick figure yeti is rapaciously devouring my every skier.

Shit I always thought it was a robot.

How? Robots don't usually chill on mountains, do they? chubby for this.

What happens when someone accurately conveys that Philippe is five?

That person DIES.

I wanted to click reply and I gave you a chubby by accident.

Well, I say "by accident."

"Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip.' Just for a second, just to see how it feels . . Or ouch, ouch you're on my hair"

(An Accidental Chubby)

I hate it when I get accidental chubbies, be they virtual of otherwise.

I also hate it when I type "of" instead of "or".

Blown out of proportion much?

Username, mon ami. Provides clues.

Oh, shit, look! There's a tempest in your teacup!

chubby for alliteration.

Mark my words I am going to actively seek applications of this phrase for the next two weeks.

key phrase "in acheworld"

Funny thing is, I really meant to mean "most commonly used phrase" as opposed to the negative connotations of "overused". Or maybe I was meaning it to be negative. Ah, I forget now.

Nice to see it's made a late comeback in the controversy stakes, though.

Your anger is actually very well conveyed. By your username, even.

Yes but he is talking about Acheworld, within the context of those 1000 people.

Ranking in just before "You...are...rad!" and right after "Philippe is Five."

Well I know the original comment was "...so poorly conveyed"...but this is the first instance I've seen of it being used with "accurately"

Or maybe I'm just drunk.

an improbable woman indeed

Codes: (J/C, J/7,) C/7, angst

Baloney. His previous post was clearly about Rachael Ray; this one is about that most improbable woman of them all, Johnny Cash. Manflesh does not spam.

Exactly. These are two different stories.

I sort of want to chubby both of you. If I do, will 8 of you take away your lames? Manflesh can leave his.

Warhol would call it art.

...damnit, you're right.

Warhol was on drugs.

Warhol was also originally unoriginal.

Somewhere, Johnny Cash's rotted corpse has just pissed itself in rage.

Si, Maria

I didn't want to lame you, I didn't, but this is just Rachel Ray renamed. I expect you to put more love into your art, manflesh. More... desire.

STOP THAT. You just don't "get it". It's very different. It clearly has "Johnny Cash" in it, NOT "Rachel Ray".

Ah, the great postmodern art debate. If you think it's crap, you just don't get it. And if you get it, you therefore like it. Personal opinion is irrelevant.

Meanwhile, somebody please make a "Boy Named Sue" reference joke about the fact that Johnny Cash has become a mother. I'm trying to do it myself, please believe I am, but it's just not happening.

No no, it's not that, it's just that this is art and he just doesn't get it! I don't know about that post-modern stuff. I just know that it is art!!!

or that it is supposed to be art.

And thus, as said, are you implying that by getting it, he must also therefore like it? Can he not like it without being said that he doesn't get it?

You may initially say "yes, of course, you're a fucking idiot, of course he's allowed to have his own opinion!" - but is that really what think on the matter? Look into your heart, young art critic. You will know the answer.

(NOTE: I also believe it is art, and I get it.)

But do you get it? that's what's important. I don't know about like or dislike, I just know art

Woah I am getting dizzy with the insane levels of tomfoolery I am engaging in.

Dr. Manflesh, at times your achievements are yet more radiant than Mr. Onstads. Today's strip was rad, but a find-and-replace from Seven of Nine to Johnny Cash fanfic... ye gods, how I laughed and laugh still.

this is the first time i've ever read anything Manflesh has written.

dear God what have i done. *increases lame filter to 99*

hm. no. too many justifiably lamed comments otherwise.

dear God what have i done NOW *readjusts filter*

I don't get why anyone is cool with this fanfic thing happening in here

I don't get why you're not.

Perhaps it's because Manflesh strikes me as an amalgam of Nolan and Nice Pete. That is: just too fucking creepy.

I have had Manflesh ignored since about the second week I was on these boards. Every once in a while I read one of his posts, just to check, and I always leave him on the ignore list.

Seems like a good call to me.

At first I thought Manflesh was very worthy of the ignore, but I then I get curious.

I now find that he's grown on me. Rather like a fungus, but there it is.

If only Ray could manufacture such a reaction formation for his complex about diabetes.

Anyone else start singing "Nightclubbin'" by Iggy Pop in their head after reading "monk dimin'"?

monk dimin' we're monk dimin'
we walk like a ghost

for me it's "hot doggin'" by fu manchu. when they say it over and over again during the outro.

Well shit. Now I'm thinking of "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner, but it's "Monk dimin". That doesn't even make sense, but "Hot Doggin" set me off. HOW!?

and WHY!?

I'm monk dimin', check it and see
I get a shiver when I go pee
The wizard aaate that coelacanth
I'm monk dimin', I'm
monk dimin'

Fits Ray pretty well, methinks.

In retrospect, "coelacanth" doesn't rhyme with "dance" very well, but I'm tempted to quote Voltaire.

Choosy cats choose Fu. Manchu.
it's over the edge/his hair's off his head

No, but now I am. A chubby for putting the notion in my head.

We learn dances, brand new dances
Like the bright shiny head
When we're monk dimin'
Deep funk dimin'
Oh isn't it wild . . .

I miss my fourth Swatch. It was a good one.

Hey, I'm 22 and I've got a gray spot already. If my hair wants to remind me of my own mortality I ain't gonna shut it up.

I've already found about 10 gray hairs on my own head. I have two cats. I like wearing robes around the apartment. At this rate, I will be a crazy cat lady by 2021.

No grey hairs just yet, but I often find myself yelling at my cat: "Why don't you speak English!?" Guys can't be crazy cat ladies, though...so I'm not TOO too worried.

MY FATHER ONCE KNEW A MAN!

I used to date a crazy cat lady who was a guy. Key words used to.

I actually found those to be among the least interesting words in the above comment.

There's just something about a guy with a cat, though. Something positive.

Me too. And fuck, I'm 23. On the bright side, four centuries ago, I'd be married and have 4 kids by now. So I'll take this.

Yeah, I'm twenty and found my first gray hair when I was 16. It was traumatic then, but I've accepted it now. I'll be able to get the senior's discount at Denny's by the time I'm thirty.

I am cursed with the German forehead, or German hairline, wherein it has always looked like I've got a receding hairline. I'm trying to find the technical description or a picture of this, to no avail, so just take my word for it - it sucks. My sisters have it too, but at least they have straight hair and can cover it up. No, mine is annoyingly curly, giving it prominence. But at least I have baby pictures of me with the same hairline to back up the fact that I'm not going bald. Shaving my head only brings up more comments.

Meanwhile, the main picture of the Wikipedia article for forehead made me laugh.

Geez, they could put him in for nose, ears, chin, and Cardassian neck, too.

That picture, coupled with the word "frons" italicized beneath it...I cannot express how that combination makes me feel. I can, however, declare it my new god, and bow to it thrice daily.

Patrick Stewart FTW!!! And the last line of today's comic has become one of my favorites.

When I go bald, I dearly hope I can be as stunningly bald as Patrick Stewart.

He shaves.

Yeah, I'm the same age with noticeable balding. I did the smart thing and just shaved my head.

We live in a wonderful time for balding men, where it's acceptable and even cool to just shave it all off.
My father in law went bald in high school. Bad times.

Jimeoin refers to shaving one's head when going bald as saying "Ha! Two can play at this game!"

or... "If you're going, you'll do it on MY TERMS!"

I brought you into this world...

In the 21st century, a shaved bald head is the equivalent of the 80's comb over. Just be bald man, let it flow.

Easy to say for not-a-bald-man.

No, the Bloateeis.

I think I just thought of my own personal saddest thing ever: praying for a solid year to look okay in between my acne period and my balding period.

47, and I'm not diming -- it's like about $500 already up there and the hair I have left is sad and takes issue with my scalp.

Dude, grey hair is probably the most awesome color for a young man to have. So many style points.

By 2019, Ray will be Michel Foucault. This does not augur well.

Hairless and ear-less? I would chose euthanasia.

Hairless, ear-less, and heavily influenced by Nietzsche. Lethal injection, here I come!

Also, keep your eyes peeled this year for Ray's potentially dangerous encounter with a candlelabra.

Yeah, that's actually a good point. Considering how many small details Onstad has worked in for the sake of continuity, we should be on the lookout for each one of those scenes in a comic this year.

Imagine this with a bald spot. Ray is hanging wicked sack to have gotten over this.

[IMGS OFF]

Whoops!

[IMGS OFF]

Ray Smuckles - Post-structuralist.

Well I've got to say I never did see Ray with a comb over. Potentially something a lot worse.

Actually, scratch that, I can see Ray with the worst comb over ever, explaining laboriously why comb overs are 'raw' and 'old school'

To his grandmother.

I have actually always seen Ray as bald. This is largely because Ray reminds me of my friend Mahmud, who was slightly overweight and had the same glasses along with pretty much the same outlook on life.

Mahmud was the son of a Turkish senator who was over here to "study." Let me explain why he is like Ray.

1. Mahmud once insisted on going to dinner somewhere really, really nice. When I said I couldn't afford it, he said he'd pay for it. Then when I said I didn't have a sportscoat or anything, he just went out and bought me a sportscoat. Because he was bored.

2. He lost several phones because he would tend to drop them in his cup holder in the car, forgetting that the cupholder had a Big Gulp filled with Red Bull and vodka. Each time he managed to finagle the cell phone companies into giving him a free one.

3. He once drove all the way to a friend's house and walked in to say hello, forgetting every step of the way that he was not wearing pants.

4. He earnestly believed that cops here would happily accept bribes. This was probably more of a cultural thing, though.

5. Any time he wanted to go to a club they would escort him to the front of the line as he would usually drop several thousand bucks there a night. Enough to both get a slob like me in and allow us to smoke, regardless of Austin's stringent anti-smoking laws.

He went back to Turkey about two years ago. Everyone misses the hell out of him.

needless to say Mahmud was pretty fucking bald

I wish I knew raw rich dudes like that. The only monied people I know are obsessed with talking about the important people they talk to.

There was one other dude I knew who was even richer and freer with his cash, but my acquaintance with him was pretty peripheral. He still didn't have much of a problem getting me into the VIP sections at clubs.

I have to reiterate here that A. I am po as shit B. I don't really like clubs that much. I only go like once every two months. It feels like a big, inauthentic production.

There's this amazing Bill Hicks routine where he describes himself as being like a camel who goes to dance parties once a year to fill his hump full of hate. I identify with that so much.

Your comments are consistently excellent. I thank whatever combination of brilliance and excessive free time allows for their existence, for I enjoy the hell out of them.

The tech support industry consists mostly of sitting at a computer and waiting. Achewood is one of the pages which, considering all the bonin' and the crispy stellas and the rock hard cat cock, is inexplicably not blocked.

We all got let our steam off somehow.

He sounds awesome. Or really annoying and pushy to get you to do stuff, but in an awesome "hey come out I'll pay" sorta way.

You have reminded me that I also know a guy who is Ray.

This has raised my estimation of him immeasurably. My friend I mean, not Ray.

I also feel the need to relate this humorous anecdote to you all.

One night me and two buddies were drinkin' with Mahmud (the drink of the day was Raki - watch the fuck out for that shit) when our buddy Dave showed up. Drunk. He had driven himself.

A few hours later we look up and somewhere in our anise-soaked brains we realize Dave is gone. So we asked Mahmud.

"Oh, Dave left," he said.

We stared at him.

"You let him drive away?" we asked.

"Yeah," he said, and a slight look of discomfort came into his face. "It was sort of weird. We went down to his car, and then he threw up on the back of his car, and then he got in and backed into another car, and then he drove away."

There was a deafening silence.

Mahmud drew something in the carpet with his toe. "I guess I should have stopped him, huh?" he said.

Good times.

(Dave got home okay. Though he can't remember it.)

I can't wait until all the hipsters swoop in and have hair for the sole purpose of being ironic.

but by the time that happens irony will be so passe.

Yeah, but by then it'll be hip to be ironic in an ironic fashion.

I'm getting myself an ironic comb-over TODAY.

Far better to go the bald route than to be a desperate, pitiable Comb-over Man. Frantically clinging to the last vestiges of a long-vanished youth... That's no way to live.

Of course, varnish, your avatar leads me to read that in a gravelly jive cadence, with all ticking jazz hihat and a murky saxophone in the background, and a touch of irony: "That's no way to live," he growls. "There's always hats."

I find this very interesting. My old avatar was one of Arnold Schwarzenegger, yet not a single person assumed that I was Conan the Barbarian.

The song you are referring to is, of course, Christmas Card from a Balding Man in Duluth. Hard to find.

Your "Christmas Card" reference proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are 100% worthy of your chosen avatar. Godspeed.

The ingroups within nichey ingroups; part of the wonderfulness of the interweb. Where else can two people share in their love of anthropomorphic cats and obscure music references?

Charlie I'm balding.
Living on Ninth street.
Looking out over Lake Superior.
To the Wisconsin shore.

You can hang me in a bottle like a cat
Let the crows pick me clean but for my hat
Where the wailing of a baby
Meets the footsteps of the dead
We're all bald here

I assumed you were Conan, but I was afraid to say anything at the risk of having you smite me.

Yeah, the happy face he's making makes me think the tone of his voice is more along the lines of "The Pontiac."

"YEAH, I loved that old Studebacker... Swore it had the power to fix isself. Then Aunt Mable drove at all the way to Apalacha without gear oil and, well, that was the end of that..."

I have seen co's which failed so completely to imitate actual foliage, that they must have been intended as cutting edge body art.

I think that rustle in the newspaper is what nervously reminds me that I'm dying.

nice. rustle, rustle, the sound of ashes settling.

The second worst thing about the eighties is that it's back :(

The only bad thing about the 80s was the fashion. Anyone who says different is a Communist.

What about the fact that they made the Ford Mustang look like a box of kitchen matches?

The Mustang was a piece of crap for far longer than it was good, so if you think about it, that's actually what it should look like. Now, it looks like what someone would drive to a Happy Days convention.

yes, the 80s were a dark age for automotive design.

I lived through it once, and a second time seems far too cruel.

At least there won't be any Mary Lou Retton comebacks.

About the Eighties I would like to say "You had to be there." And also "there is nothing new under the sun."

chubby for the avatar

Thanks, man. I owe it all to Beef.

Brother you ain't never lied.

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU DAMMIT STOP STAYING IN MY HEAD

no, it was definitely the hair / fashion
i mean, there was a lot of bad eighties music, but there's a lot of bad current music, too. I wouldn't say that the eighties was a particular sore spot, musically

but the drums

the drums

THOSE DRUMS!!!

THESE KNIVES!

THESE KNIVES!

Bands with big hair were the source of bad 80's music.

Men with bad hair designed the 80's version of the Mustang. (1)

Men with ostentatious hair and oversized sunglasses designed the bad clothing of the 80's.

Thus, hair was the root of all badness in those dark days, although the creative crimes of the hair were aided and abetted by sunglasses, especially those worn at night.

(1) Attribution needed.

My rebuttal to this:

Pixies
Sonic Youth
Minutemen
Dinosaur Jr
Dead Kennedys

To say nothing about the first great age of hip-hop, the fracturing of disco into myriad dance musics, and the spawning of death metal.

And of course all but the first 3 years of the Talking Heads.

my chubbies have been squandered elsewhere, but if they hadn't been, dang you all would be thick with 'em

It has always been my worst nightmare to be thick with chubbies. It is my life's work not to end up in prison.

Crosseyed & Hairless, indeed, to stick with today's theme.

Also: the best Tom Waits albums.
And I second Pixies and Talking Heads.
And The Smiiiths....(It was very sad, according to everyone)

These were trying times for a Bowie fan, though.

Oh lord, it's true. The horrible tribulations of having to listen to "Tonight," wondering just what the hell happened to your hero...

Not to mention:

Later-period Crass
Big Black
Hanatarash(i)
Flipper
Klaus Nomi
some of the best Residents albums
and most of the top notch Fall material.

And additionally:

The Minutemen
Black Flag
Meat Puppets
Husker Du
& basically everything else on SST at the time...

Joy Division
Mission of Burma
Public Enemy
The Ex
The Melvins
Ultramagetic MCs
Brian Eno
Einsturzende Neubauten
the best Prince
the best Metallica

Not to mention the birth of hardcore, death rock (a.k.a "goth"), no wave, (arguably) alt-country, the breaking of minimalism into the mainstream, and the death of prog rock. This era had more than its fair share of musical atrocities, though. All in all, a step down from the 70's, in my opinion.

Slightly off-topic: does anyone else on here hate Guns 'n Roses? I mean, hate them to hell?

Hate them to Hell, hate them back across the Styx, hate them to Hell again, ad infinitum.

I hate GnR, but I just can't seem to quit them. I have bought and sold Appetite for Destruction like two or three times.

Also, I'd argue that Eno's seminal work was all in the 70s: Another Green World, Before & After Science Music for Airports, etc. Or are you thinking of Eno the producer?

I loathe the hell out of GnR. Because I am a snob.

Hardcore was technically invented in '78 or '79, mostly thanks to early Black Flag and Discharge (who pioneered the now-generic d-beat). And you seem to be neglecting a ton of the bands that made the (non-pop) 80's music culture great: Government Issue, Siege, Septic Death, Larm...jesus christ stop me now i have gone too far

Hell Yes chubby for Flipper alone.

Which is to say, if I could give you one chubby for each excellent thing you mentioned, you would get 7. But alas, having only one, I give it for Flipper.

your rebuttal was better than my rebuttal :[

Yeah, but none of them had 80s hair.

Ray always imagined the Man in Black with a sickle instead of his guitar

Nein, with a sickle attached to the guitar in such a fashion as a bayonet. (Damn, I would be so lamed to hell and back if I said exactly what position the sickle would be.)

Hint: it is like the bayonet on the Brute Shot

That first sentence makes my brain hurt. Am I supposed to read it as:

So I heard you're monk Dimin' ray, that is rough miles.

You read it however you want to read it man We be cold New Criticizin' up in here All writin essays announcin the death of the author Defendin William Faulkner from charges of racism Trippin out on antidepressants at the Allen Ginsberg poetry-reading man it's your world.

Falkner was a racist. He was the greatest writer in the history of English and I worship him, but he was also a man of his time.
I wish my hip flask was not leaking and I had it full of dark rum and I was back in New Orleans heading down Pirate's Alley to the Faulkner House for a long talk, then on to Muriel's.

I don't know, man, I read half some book where a kid saves a black dude from getting framed. That's not racist.

You just read it any old way you want dear and the good lord God will provide.

Your avatar just made me slap my laptop screen. Kudos.

He gets that alot

I don't know. The leg warmers were pretty bad, too.

Should I ever go bald I'm just going to shave my head, put the clippings in a little RC boat and set it ablaze in a little lake near the house I grew up in. I think that's the dignified way to handle it, just let it go and remember it well.

Kudos Ray.

Beg to differ, sir. I'm already rockin' a Kennedy half dollar tonsure up there but no way I'm going to take the Moby copout. Danny DeVito all the way, bro.

With your legs crossed is the only way to read Reader's Digest Large Type Edition or else you will piss on the mystery.

Sorry, but I don't get the Reader's Digest part. Can someone explain that to me? Is Beef saying it's childish to do that, continuing on the same line of thought? What is he saying? DEAR. GOD. I. AM. NOT. A. RELIGIOUS. MAN. BUT. PLEASE. HELP. ME. SEE. THE. CONNECTION. HERE.

When faced with an untimely arousal at Gramma's one must remain seated to avoid family shame, feigning interest in whatever is at hand. The Reader's Digest Large Type Edition, which Gram has on account of her ancient fading corneas, is but one such means of concealment. Others include endless games of Hearts, hour after hour of Gramma's stories on the afternoon TV or, god help you, making a potholder in the shape of an owl.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you, sir.

In that situation, I'd definitely take the RD. It always pays to Increase your Word Power.

Ooo....thanks, dude.
Enjoy your very timely chubby.

"I shaved a man in Reno just to watch him cry"

This is the best.

manscaping.

Stuff like that is so difficult to orchestrate since the 70s.

i have popped a boner at my grandma's house.

one of the worst times ever.

But better than boning your grandma to house-pop (or indeed to any type of music)

Actually, house-pop is definitely the worst kind of music to bone anybody to.

I find any up tempo music will do, although Happy Hardcore makes the whole thing exhausting. It's hard not to automatically try and match the rhythm.

let's not even consider Speedcore.

Not Speedcore, but I keep putting forward Mastodon's Blood Mountain to my wife just beforehand when deciding the music. I have yet to receive an approval.

I was all "no, definitely Blood Beagle"

hahahaha.

chubbied.

Better than when I said, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." Never did see her again.

mm. Hardcore. it is a Type of pornography. i guess that is okay. banging in-tempo...
..not quite sure what you'd do during the breakdowns.

also, Thrash Metal and maybe even GRINDCORE? hah.

"Power violence is generally played at a frantic speed, often employing blast beats (which sounds like hardcore punk being played at grindcore tempos) with contrasting slow, sludgy parts."-wikipedia

Thus, as usual, Power violence asserts itself as the toughest music of all: Imagine banging at 350 thrusts per minute for seven seconds, then 30 tpm for eight. Rough times.

that genre is asinine. i've never even heard of such a thing. its name sounds like something White Supremacists would Enjoy.

however, there is a band i have listened to. Tower Of Rome. they play a song, "I Want My Fifty Dollars" which sounds like this sort of music described by you.

you can Listen to it here: http://www.last.fm/music/Tower(plus sign)of(plus sign)Rome
^i fear to link to it properly in case it gets mucked up and my comment rendered that of a Fool.^

i like this song.

Here, a good example is Charles Bronson:
http://www.last.fm/music/Charles(plus sign)Bronson
I would recommend Spazz first and foremost, but their track on Last.fm are pretty poor examples of their sound/attitude as a whole.
The story behind the name "power violence" actually explains how ridiculous the term is, but is too long to recount here.
And that Tower of Rome band is good, but their drum sound is just...incongruous.

it seems to be what you are describing, as the group has been tagged 'power violence' on the website i reference.

crazy, crazy music.

I've never heard 15 seconds of sex described to sound so exhausting...

I would rather bang to Dillenger Escape Plan or Psyopus and matching the beats. My girlfriend would just be pissed off.

That's the most poorly-written Wikipedia entry I've ever seen!

It is a combination of house and dance-pop. It often features singers singing tales of love and love lost. It often features deep bassline, the High Hat like House.

WHAT

That article is mega nasty. It is dog shit.

or worse than boning your grandma in Popplers?

I popped my first boner ever at grandma's house, BECAUSE I was reading the Norwegian equivalent of Reader's Digest (the European versions are a bit saucier).
In hindsight, I don't really know how much this has influenced me as a person. I'm hoping not too much.

Well, you now spend your time discussing a webcomic primarily about talking cats under the guise of a Pogo the Clown avatar.

No offense. I'm just saying.

What. Has. BECOME OF MEEE?

None taken. In my defense, the article that awoke my pepper was about gettin' mad rutty on photocopiers. I am not joking.

Then I take it back; that's the best Reader's Digest article in the history of Reader's Digest articles and it has obviously done nothing but enrich your life since then.

So...was it like a regular feature? I want the table of contents to read like "Life in Uniform", "Amazing Pet Stores", and then "Workplace Intercourse".

It was EXACTLY like that, only that the saucier content was called 'The Blue Pages' (read it like Barry White would, and say "tha' bluuue pagesss...").
I really wish some fellow Norwegians will back me up here.
It was also quite astonishing to read the articles of 'Norsk Ukeblad', 'Allers' and 'Hjemmet' for the first time
We all spent a lot of time thinking about the things that those articles said

Me too. My cousin and I were watching skinamax movies at my grandma's while everyone else was asleep or something. The worst part was I stood up without readjusting myself and I totally got spotted. He laughed hysterically for like 5 minutes straight.

Once I popped like a thousand boners at grandma's house to the sound of a million screeching guitars, and then her head exploded, but it was OK because she was a pirate. It was totally sweet, but also melancholy because it reminded me of a girl who was killed by pirates. She was a ninja.

Thousands of cars and a million guitars
Screaming with power in the air
Weve found the place where the decibels race
This army of rock will be there!

RAM IT DOWN

Beware Judas Priest Thursday!

I want to chubby everyone

That's called nymphomania, dear.

You know the alt text is true--his mouth disappeared.

I can only blame 80's pubics as a reason I'd pop a boner at grandma's.

Oh no I popped a boner in my Pubics
Grandma is gonna kill me for sure

HAHAHAHAHA

Why would anyone have to pretend to be engrossed in the Reader's Digest Large Type Edition?

it's more interesting than grandma anyway

Laughter, The Best Medicine.

brilliant strip.

as long as he's got the Versace frames, he's good.

I am stone ice pro this strip.

I have never, until this strip, seen ray be the more somber of the two.

It's unsettling.

Keep in mind he's had lots of long walks and late night calls to think about it. Probably thought of that last line days beforehand.

When has Ray ever been resigned to anything in his life?

2:17am, Dr Andretti's bedroom, phone rings.

Dr A. [coughs, squints at caller ID] Hello....Ray. Your diabetes screening--
Ray. No, Doc. It's my hair...my...The hot tub drain is all clogged again...
Dr A. We've been through the options on this Ray...
Ray. Wait, wait, I keep reading about nanotechnology in the personal finance pages. Can we try something with that?

[etc.]

One of the best strips for awhile

The years have been many the years have been long
But at last I'm returning to daddy and home
He's looking my way though he hardly can see
God bless my old daddy he recognize me
There's snow in his hair and I helped to put it there a halo of worry and care
As my daddy grows old he's more precious than gold
For I cherish the snow in his hair

Don't mind the gray in your hair
just think of all the fun you had puttin' it there
and what's more
you've graduated from that old sucker stage
so don't be ashamed of your age, brother
don't be ashamed of your age

The Cure was the worst thing about the 80s. Fortunately I am posting this from 239,000 miles away from them.

Are you on the moon or just in a comparable orbit?

No, he is on the Earth, and The Cure is on the moon. They were foricbly deported in August 2004.

I was bored at work so I found proof:
[IMGS OFF]

Now, I'm not going to claim to be an expert at these things... and I'm not a conspiracy theorist... but that does look a lot like it might be a fake...

After all, people haven't been on the moon yet. The lunar landings were so obviously more fake that this.

Did... did your avatar just blink at me?!

Yeah, it did. It's fun to have staring contests with.

Is it me, or does the guy on the far left look like Buster Bluth? Because I can't picture him being in the Cure.

Robert Smith is fat now.

I've liked "Love Song" ever since I heard it in a mix by Diplo. It went from "Love Song" into "Bombs over Baghdad" to "The Decepticon Dance."

That actually sounds pretty sweet. Remember what album it was on?

Fabric Live 24. A quick internet search shows they have it pretty much everywhere. Here's a track list for anyone interested, and keep in mind that these songs are mixed together and sometimes have different beats altogether:

1. Love 4 The World (Why They Gotta Hate?) - (with Plantlife)
2. Turnin' Me On - (with Nina Sky)
3. My Chrome - (with Killer Mike/Big Boi)
4. Clear - (with Cybotron)
5. Don't Go - (with Yazoo)
6. When I Hear Music - (with Debbie Deb)
7. Don't Stop The Rock - (with Freestyle)
8. Al-Naafiysh (The Soul) - (with Hashim)
9. Nightdrive (Thru Babylon) - (with Model 500)
10. Windowlicker - (with Aphex Twin)
11. Percolator - (with Cajmere)
12. This Is Sick - (with Solid Groove)
13. Love Guide - (with Two Culture Clash)
14. What's Your Fantasy - (with Ludacris)
15. Percao
16. Vem Cristiano - (with Gaiola Das Popozudas)
17. Cria Asa Periquita - (with MC Biro Leybey)
18. O Darcy - (with Gaiola Das Popozudas)
19. Way More - (remix)
20. Bucky Done Gun - (with M.I.A.)
21. Destruction VIP - (with Jammer)
22. Love Song - (with The Cure)
23. B.O.B. - (with Outkast)
24. Deceptacon - (with Le Tigre)
25. Hurricane - (with DJ Nasty)
26. Freaks - (with DJ Deeon)
27. Notorious - (with Turbulence)
28. Free - (with Cat Power)

NICE.
I love the Fabriclive series; my favourites are .36 (mixed by James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem fame) and .33, mixed by Spank Rock. But that one looks even better.

I had to hear 3 LCD soundsystem songs, then realize they were all from the same source before I realized I loved them. I'll have to check that one out.

Also, if you dig those type of mixes definitely look up Certified Bananas.

OoooOOOOooOOoo, I went to http://www.certifiedbananas.com/ and that looks REALLY good...especially 'SWEDEN ON BLAST' and the July mix.
I guess you're familiar with the 'DJ-Kicks' series, it's pretty well known...but if you haven't already, check out the mixes by Annie, Hot Chip and Tiga.
Verrah nice.

Gee that is a pretty decent track listing there.

Diplo will be on tour with Justice soon. At least for the Western US dates. In case you're interested.

i got "Galore" for christmas and it is rad so...

I wish I could find a recording of the Highway 61 Revisited cover Johnny Cash did. I heard a bit of it somewhere and it haunts my dreaming hours.

I have not heard Johnny Cash's version, but you should try out PJ Harvey's version. It rocks my waking hours.

Did Cash actually perform a complete version of this song? I'm only able to find the song and the man linked together via the film "The Hunted," but Johnny only seems to have spoken a few lines from the song?

Poppin' a boner at your grandma's house isn't as bad as poppin' a boner right before you have to give a new student a tour of the school during your staff aide period for the counselor's office in 8th grade. Every damn time.

And you're like "I've got a staff that needs aid right here"

I think maybe Ray drew a really good picture of himself as a bald man. Now he is at peace.

It looks like a penis

So good.

Title Comic Blog = 5

A a would read again

There should be plusses in there goddammit! My math will now be ignored! The rage!

I'm sorry, but what is this "monk dimin'"?

I'm guessing its a bald spot opening up on Ray's crown around the size of a 10 cent coin.

Monks in the middle ages typically shaved a circle in their hair at the crown of their head. It was called a "tonsure" and is best summed up as "reverse yarmulke."

I believe it has its roots in Biblical times, as part of taking a vow. Paul shaved his head as part of a vow, and instructed other to do the same upon making a vow.

Also, when in mourning, people would rip their hair out in clumps, along with their beards, and dressing in sackcloth and ashes and wailing. If ever you go to a Jewish Orthodox funeral, you'll see what I mean. Intense.

So, hair and the cutting of it had significant meaning. It was then adapted into monasticism.

Ray talks about it on his blog.

I feel sorry in a way for men with hair. Myself, I was an angry, bitter man from 22-26, when I was fighting an unwinnable battle against hair loss. Which, when you think about it, is just your own manifestation of entropy. Over the last few years, I embraced the inner bald man.

My little brother achieved inner piece at 19. He was totally bald at 18. Coincidence? I think not.

D'oh. Inner peace, rather.

I got some inner piece once. It's WAY better.

My piece got me laid tonight. And home before midnight. mad rutty

Cats go bald? I did not know this.

I dunno about feline pattern balding, but I had a cat once who'd tear out clumps of hair on his flanks, till he had two bald streaks on his hind legs. It was some kind of of nerve ending inlfammation, the vet guessed.

As one of our cats gets older, the hair between his eyes and his ears is thinning. He looks like he has fuzzy racing stripes on his head.

vicked fast!

maybe he just wanted to look hella stylish.

Fair warning to everyone: there are certain items that can rip your hair out.

For instance, a Ford Landrover will rip your hair out if your head hits the ceiling. My father and I learned that lesson the hard way.

Just to be safe, avoid tightly woven hats and pillow cases. Wouldn't want to get anything pulled out.

Ha cats can't read papers!

What baffles me is how an evidently already-bald cat can enter the early stages of baldness.

He isn't bald. Onstad has just never added texture to show they have hair. But they are just regular cats.

It's kinda strange that no one has mentioned the obvious. The cats have fur. If Ray does indeed go bald... oh god... he'll look like Dr. Evil's cat. Hairless and wrong.

Actually, Ray has extra hair, so when he looses it he will be just a normal cat.

Even worse! Ray! A normal cat! Oh god...

Looky yonder coming, coming down the rail road tracks...it's The Monk Dime Special...bringin my baby back...

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Roast Beef: McDonald's vs Starbucks vs Ray vs Me

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