It is a requirement that at least one Achewood character be running in every presidential election.
baryonyx » neu6 months ago
The Achewood Party is taking form. It's certainly got a defining set of ideals, wouldn't you say?
blarghamagarky » neu6 months ago
Namely, that no one should be a cock to a stranger, ever.
synnah » neu6 months ago
Ray is kind of being a cock to that interviewer, though..
bjorntd » neu6 months ago
It's because the stranger did not wage peace.
chuvak » neu6 months ago
I feel that they are not strangers. It's been a long press conference.
peterjoel » neu6 months ago
So long that Ray had to change out of his black jacket, into a grey one.
charchar » neu1 months ago
So long the black jacket faded into a grey one.
gussiejives » neu6 months ago
What I'm concerned about is Philippes pre-eminent mayor fixation relapsing.
lateadopter » neu6 months ago
I think there's a greater danger of that reporter's colon prolapsing.
spinynorman » neu6 months ago
Beef still hasn't given him the Pope test yet, though. I'm undecided until we see which way he jumps on that.
jesler729 » neu6 months ago
Lazarus would be proud.
biff » neu6 months ago
About time somebody gave those reporter fucks what for.
drskradley » neu6 months ago
Reporters can ask some assholey questions. I mean, what the fuck DO they think getting up in the morning is for?
The answer, my friends, is not prayin' and sweepin'.
beansdooma » neu6 months ago
ray smuckles: angriest presidential cantidate?
cousinted » neu6 months ago
He is a close second to Mike Gravel.
Gravel/Smuckles '08!
baryonyx » neu6 months ago
Just you wait. Gravel will win this year, he'll come back, you mark my words.
biomusicologist » neu6 months ago
Hey, this is why I'm voting for Mike Gravel right here:
When LiveScience asked the senator if he thought creationism should be taught in public schools, Gravel replied:
"Oh God, no. Oh, Jesus. We thought we had made a big advance with the Scopes monkey trial....My God, evolution is a fact, and if these people are disturbed by being the descendants of monkeys and fishes, they've got a mental problem. We can't afford the psychiatric bill for them. That ends the story as far as I'm concerned."
Seriously, it's like a combination of Beef's anti-social barely-concealed despising of idiots and Ray's in-your-face attitude.
Mike Gravel: the candidate who most resembles a hypothetical and unholy union of two male cats who don't even exist.
baryonyx » pro6 months ago
Well yeah man, I mean, it's sort of his platform after all...
jujubeesforjesus » neu6 months ago
No, this is why you should vote for Gravel. I mean, seriously.
rad_chillies » neu6 months ago
jesus. I've seen that. it's horrible and hilarious at the same time. I still have trouble believing that he allowed them to make that.
rad_chillies » neu6 months ago
oh, I was actually referring to this youtube video. i just assumed that's what you linked.
Damn, I'd never heard of Mike Gravel before, but based entirely on his representation here on the boards, I want to know a lot more about him and possibly vote for him? Too bad I'm Canadian.
irondave » neu6 months ago
In some US jurisdictions your Canadian-ness is no obstacle to voting. Check with your precinct captain.
biomusicologist » neu2 months ago
Every time I see this I wish I could chubby it.
gormster » neu6 months ago
I love that, in a quote that will almost certainly piss of some Christians, he opens with a bit of blasphemy.
drskradley » neu6 months ago
Funny thing is, I was thinking last night about how there hasn't really been much discussion of religion on these boards. Not even when Retardo was being all "Look at me, I'm the gay stereotype homophobes assumed me to be in the first place! Yay! Who likes dick?" I would have assumed it'd come up then, but I guess not. On most other boards it heatedly comes up at least once, briskly descending into assholery and name-calling from all sides of the belief and non-belief spectrum.*
I mean, maybe I just missed out on some of it on the Quail Bible page.
I mean, we don't have to bring it up, I'm cool - I was just surprised, is all. Has it come up before I was here?
drskradley » neu6 months ago
Heh, really made you think with that asterisk, didn't I? No, of course it wasn't a mistake. Just wanted to play with your frikkin' minds.
baryonyx » neu6 months ago
If you hold stiff, conservative religious views, chances are Achewood stops appealing to you long before you join Assetbar.
"What! Heaven is not an apartment building! And the LORD did not design the cat to walk and speak as a man; this is an Abomination!"
epicurus » neu6 months ago
I'd chubby this is I could. Although, as a result of this post, from now on your comments are going to be in my great-aunt's voice.
pascal » neu6 months ago
"Prattlin'" has certainly been one of the largest problems of the last several presidencies. Way to go, Ray.
gregchant » pro6 months ago
It's a good thing too, as Ray's tolerance for Corporate Prattlin' regarding misplaced curdic options is minimal: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7205992.stm
I attribute this directly to Ray's prattle-free campaign message.
SMUCKLES FOR A FLAT, REGULAR HAIR FREE AMERICA '08
biff » neu6 months ago
Does that mean flat, regular hair, free America?
Or flat, regular, hair-free America?
I could vote for the one, but not the other.
lastlarf » neu6 months ago
I would vote for someone who promised to free my country of flat, regular hair.
littlefatdog » pro6 months ago
They've been saying for years that what this country needs is a president who is a cat and a vice who is 5.
hexjumper » neu6 months ago
I wonder if this is what press junkets were like back in the 19th century? Somebody would ask Lincoln a stupid question, Lincoln would march on down and slap the reporter in the face with his dick, amble back up for the next question...
It's fun to dream.
lateadopter » neu6 months ago
Lincoln didn't have to march on down to reach that reporter with his dick.
NOTORIOUS L.I.N.C.O.L.N. dick slapper extraordinaire!
kenny » neu6 months ago
this. this is number 1.
starman11 » pro6 months ago
Presenting: Ray Smuckles and Chris Onstad, with the best refutation for thinking too much about anything, ever. From now until November 4th, I will be disappointed every day that a candidate does not say those exact things.
budenhagen » neu6 months ago
Obligatory "Ray Smuckles: He Gets Things Done" post in 3... 2... 1...
red_dawn » neu6 months ago
That took 12 minutes to happen. I'm a little disappointed.
bjorntd » neu6 months ago
I apologize. I came as fast as I could.
retinarow » neu6 months ago
that's what she said? zing?
autrepoupee » neu6 months ago
too easy~
which is also something she said BINGBANGBOM-- ps red_dawn i just want to say im sorry i accidentally lamed you when a chubby was meant to be (i do not hate, i appreciate)
odei » neu6 months ago
I balanced it out for you! I hope no-one accuses me of being a communist and beats me.
bjorntd » neu6 months ago
All waiting in the chubby ration line, and then suddenly realize that you just queued up for Lames. But whatever, it all tastes like gray and depressing anyhow.
autrepoupee » neu6 months ago
Tonight: Is America ready for the first angry cat candidate? The beautiful Anne Coulter is here to talk about that very subject, and her new book, Spayed : Young Cats in the Age of Pusses (liberals that is you see). Lets play Hardball!
autrepoupee » neu6 months ago
i understand political satire is a lot more cutting if you spell the target's name correctly, so :0( everybody
thegrapist » neu6 months ago
Holy fucking shit
Here comes a story?
Many thanks Chris Onstad!
timjankowiak » neu6 months ago
Just when Huckabee thought he had permanently secured the Chuck Norris endorsement...
baryonyx » pro6 months ago
A vote for Ray Smuckles is a vote for a ruder America, today.
C'mon, I know I'm not the only gent with Photoshop out there, let's get this campaign rolling.
cousinted » neu6 months ago
Oh, you bastard! beaten by six minutes:
baryonyx » neu6 months ago
Aha! I knew you'd be up to similar shenanigans as I. I approve of the Avatar, by the way; Bone is a fine, fine work.
cousinted » neu6 months ago
The same sentiment goes back to you your avatar my friend; there is nothing more beautiful than a well-worn gas-mask.
digdugz » neu6 months ago
Someone didn't get enough hugs todayyyyyyyyyyy
myrrdisparo » neu6 months ago
*hugs nbgreene*
There, happy now?
nbgreene » neu6 months ago
thaaanks guuyyss
moolah » neu6 months ago
Ray Smuckle
He Gets Things Don
didymos » pro6 months ago
This is perfect. It has been my policy to always vote for whichever dude that has the least mercy, and Ray happens to be a dude that Has Got No Mercy.
The fact that Ray is also proudly, in-your-face Rude just seals the deal.
retinarow » neu6 months ago
Would Ray really be the first cat president?
Regarding Bill Clinton: ""This is our first cat president, more cat-ish than any actual cat who could ever be elected in our children's lifetime."
-Toni Morrison
andrew_ » neu6 months ago
I nearly peed myself after imagining Ray kicking an enormous ship so hard that the anchor dropped.
inspectorgadget » neu6 months ago
An event soon to be recorded in the Potty Pals newsletter. Nolan waits with bated breath.
werthog42 » neu6 months ago
That chubby was about one third content, two thirds using the correct spelling of "bated." I almost forgot I was on the Internet!
lateadopter » neu6 months ago
Yeah, I'm so used to the taught righting stile you fined on the internets that I cant quiet remember how Ingles is spoken anymore.
mjnevin » neu6 months ago
I would purchase a Smuckles '08 bumper sticker so fast my money would catch fire.
buttermoths » pro6 months ago
oh necessarily
Y'hear that, Onstad? And I don't even own a car.
drskradley » neu6 months ago
I don't think this is convincing him. Burning money is notoriously bad for your overall profit margin.
nhennies » pro6 months ago
You cannot tolerate prattlin if you're a member of the foursome.
bondijames » pro6 months ago
Clearly Ray is taking over where Fred Thompson left off...
baryonyx » pro6 months ago
Tomorrow's headline:
2008 ELECTIONS PRECLUDED BY NATIONWIDE PUBLIC OUTCRY; MAYOR RAY SMUCKLES, ROAST BEEF KAZENZAKIS, AND RETURNING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE PHILIPPE ENTER OFFICE AS FIRST AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL TRIUMVIRATE BY FORCE OF UNANIMOUS PUBLIC DEMAND NATIONWIDE
Current administration "forcibly ejaculated" from office (see pg. A7)
Demonstrators throng streets in all major cities (see pg. A4)
Smuckles, "The Electoral College simply can't deal with this, you know? When it's time, it's time. Simple as that." (see pg. A6)
bjorntd » neu6 months ago
ROAST BEEF: FIRST ELECTED OFFICIAL FROM CIRCUMSTANCES
straw » neu6 months ago
I don't know about that, JFK definitely had some circumstances in his age.
Sadly there is a typo. It was supposed to say that "Demonstrators thong streets."
cpnglxynchos » neu6 months ago
see, that's what i had read at first...
but then i was Wrong.
earendil » neu6 months ago
Damn! I was going to say that the minute I saw the word "throng." Then I scrolled down. Chubby for you.
talix18 » neu6 months ago
Dammit. Read *all* comments.
talix18 » neu6 months ago
"Demonstrators throng in thongs"? Too forced?
nickgranger » neu6 months ago
this is good
foea » neu6 months ago
One of the reporters appears to have his mic stand grafted to his skull.
epicurus » neu6 months ago
Panel 5 sums up a lot of important findings in political science and philosophy.
red_dawn » pro6 months ago
Not to mention economics and psychology.
earendil » neu6 months ago
Also geography. This is just a solid gold nugget of knowledge, folks.
shades » neu6 months ago
another easy 5. please let this turn into a substantial arc. please.
heavymetaljesus » pro6 months ago
Ray's been wearing clothes a lot lately. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
inspectorgadget » neu6 months ago
Now that he's monk dimin', he's got to cover up elsewhere.
fuckyoufriday » neu6 months ago
Oh, wow! I never considered the connection between the monk dime, potential latent male insecurity, and a presidential bid. Too bad monk dimin' is worse than philandering, drug use, or Mormonism in terms of electability. And that's not even getting into America's dark history of speciesism!
flazisismuss » neu6 months ago
There has been a bald president in collective memory, though. Not sure about the others.
inspectorgadget » neu6 months ago
But not one with facial hair since Taft, so the bloatee is out.
kenyot » neu6 months ago
Ray Smuckles will be president! There comes a time!
tsrts13 » neu6 months ago
"Don't get me wrong. The Ramones have their place in things, which is usually on a cheap car radio while the sole occupant of the car gets out to buy a package of frosted Donettes and some Camels from 7-11 at six in the morning. It's frosty in suburban New Jersey that day, and he slips a little on some black ice, but doesn't fall. To me, that's The Ramones."
I love Onstad.
happycat » pro6 months ago
Right-o, the blogs have been really good lately.
epicurus » neu6 months ago
I particularly loved that part. I mean, I don't know if it's just me, but that's how I describe a LOT of things, especially music that I'm not into, movies or hobbies that I don't care for; describe a scene like that. "It's 10:24 AM, and in a double room on the fourth floor of a college residence, a guy majoring in kinesiology is passed out naked under a single sheet. His roomate is gone. The sun is shining over the pile of clothes in the middle of the room in slats, and there are three different kin
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The answer, my friends, is not prayin' and sweepin'.
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Gravel/Smuckles '08!
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When LiveScience asked the senator if he thought creationism should be taught in public schools, Gravel replied:
"Oh God, no. Oh, Jesus. We thought we had made a big advance with the Scopes monkey trial....My God, evolution is a fact, and if these people are disturbed by being the descendants of monkeys and fishes, they've got a mental problem. We can't afford the psychiatric bill for them. That ends the story as far as I'm concerned."
Seriously, it's like a combination of Beef's anti-social barely-concealed despising of idiots and Ray's in-your-face attitude.
Mike Gravel: the candidate who most resembles a hypothetical and unholy union of two male cats who don't even exist.
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I mean, maybe I just missed out on some of it on the Quail Bible page.
I mean, we don't have to bring it up, I'm cool - I was just surprised, is all. Has it come up before I was here?
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"What! Heaven is not an apartment building! And the LORD did not design the cat to walk and speak as a man; this is an Abomination!"
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(marked lame by kylank, troutman, retinarow)
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I attribute this directly to Ray's prattle-free campaign message.
SMUCKLES FOR A FLAT, REGULAR HAIR FREE AMERICA '08
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Or flat, regular, hair-free America?
I could vote for the one, but not the other.
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It's fun to dream.
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(marked lame by tekende, FirePowa8, Kenny, bixschmix, blarghamagarky)
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(marked lame by kylank, robotman, mike24, Zem)
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which is also something she said BINGBANGBOM-- ps red_dawn i just want to say im sorry i accidentally lamed you when a chubby was meant to be (i do not hate, i appreciate)
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Here comes a story?
Many thanks Chris Onstad!
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A vote for Ray Smuckles is a vote for a ruder America, today.
C'mon, I know I'm not the only gent with Photoshop out there, let's get this campaign rolling.
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(marked lame by Thorfinn, SatelliteTV, Baryonyx, lateadopter)
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There, happy now?
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He Gets Things Don
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The fact that Ray is also proudly, in-your-face Rude just seals the deal.
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Regarding Bill Clinton: ""This is our first cat president, more cat-ish than any actual cat who could ever be elected in our children's lifetime."
-Toni Morrison
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(marked lame by cavebaby, nutmeg, tropicana)
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Y'hear that, Onstad? And I don't even own a car.
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2008 ELECTIONS PRECLUDED BY NATIONWIDE PUBLIC OUTCRY; MAYOR RAY SMUCKLES, ROAST BEEF KAZENZAKIS, AND RETURNING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE PHILIPPE ENTER OFFICE AS FIRST AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL TRIUMVIRATE BY FORCE OF UNANIMOUS PUBLIC DEMAND NATIONWIDE
Current administration "forcibly ejaculated" from office (see pg. A7)
Demonstrators throng streets in all major cities (see pg. A4)
Smuckles, "The Electoral College simply can't deal with this, you know? When it's time, it's time. Simple as that." (see pg. A6)
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but then i was Wrong.
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I love Onstad.
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